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cto~HERLAND ~
SEPTEMBER, 1989

ICE

NEWSLETTER'S
NEW LOOK

NAMES PROJECT QUILT
IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

Hey! Have you noticed anything different about the newsletter? After many
months, she now has her own name,
her own identity, The Herland Voice.
The significance of the name, suggested by one of our board members,
can best be described in the words of
that board member:
"I feel we should include the word
"Herland" because it carries such power
and hard-fought roots in the country as
a whole . The word "voice" works as an
instrument with which to spread the
power and conviction of our struggle. If
we, as a community, raise our voice as
one, we can indeed overcome."
As executive editor, my goal is to
make this newsletter something you
can't wait to get into your hands . Each
month we are finding ways to make the
newsletter more enjoyable, easier to
read, and to include more variety. I
would like to see it be more than what it
is, and I think, with your help, that can
be accomplished.
After we file the necessary paperwork
to have the newsletter copyrighted, we
will feature local poets and artists when
the works are available. If you have any
suggestions or contributions, please let
me know.
You are the heart of the newsletter.
Without you, there is no need for a
newsletter. I'm ver y excited about the
"Voice," and I hope you will be, too.•

A delegation of at least 20 people so
far are going to represent the Oklahoma
chapter of the NAMES Project at the
national display of the AIDS Memorial
Quilt in Washington on October 6th,
7th and 8th. The display will be the last
time the Quilt is shown in its entirety
due to its increasing size.
The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial
Quilt was begun as a way to remember
the names of those who have died of the
AIDS epidemic. The Project has g¢wn
to encompass over 15,000 names and
cover an area over 14· football fields in
size.
A portion of the Quilt was shown in
Oklahoma City at the State Fairgrounds
last May. The display was put together
by the Oklahoma chapter of the
NAMES Project with the help of
hundreds of volunteers. Over $9,000
was raised and distributed to local
organizations in Oklahoma City and
Tulsa that provide direct services to
Persons With AIDS (PWl\.'s).
The delegation from Oklahoma will
be helping with the national display as
volunteers filling several capacities.
Anyone interested in attending the
Washington, D .C. display can get discounted air fare and hotel rates by
calling The Oklahoma NAMES Project
at 949- 2952.
The Oklahoma Chapter of the
NAMES Project is sponsoring a garage
sale to raise money for the national
display of the Quilt in Washington,
D.C. in October, The garage sale will be
September 23rd. The Oklahoma Chapter is seeking donations of garage sale
items for the fund raiser, Interested
donors should call 949-2952 or 5253221 to make arrangements .
•

VOLUM E 6 NUM BE R 9

•

N.O.W. MEETING HELD
by Margaret C.
The August 5, 1989 meeting of the
local chapter of the National Organization for Women, Metro OKC NOW,
drew more than 30 women and one
man determined to work to keep
freedom of choice in Oklahoma. Following a video and discussion, the
group opted to work closely with
Campaign for Choice, but at the same
time to do separate actions to more
accurately reflect the more radical attitude of NOW members.
The first undertaking was ambitious,
requiring the gathering of data, writing
of articles, lay-out and printing for a
brochure to present to the legislature
on August 14, the first day of the
Special Session called by Gov. Bellman.
The brochure was ready for delivery,
and at 9:00 a.m. on Monday the 14th,
several NOW members wearing buttons declaring "I'm Pro-Choice - and I
Vote," delivered the brochures to all of
our state legislators, the Governor,
Attorney General, etc. The brochures
were also "wearing" a button, this
button with the "no more hangers"
logo.
Metro OKC's next meeting was
p lanned for August 26, 1989. At that
meeting the preliminary work began on
setting up a phone tree. Other projects
and actions will be planned. Anyone
interested in attending a NOW meeting
may call ( 405) 528-0400 for information.
•

HER LAND SISTER RESOURCES

•

2312 N.W. 39th, OKC, OK 73112

•

(405) 521-9696

HSR-CALENDAR OF
EVENTS-SEPTEMBER
Sept. 1 • 4 • Annual Fall Retreat, Lake
Wister State Park
Sept. 8 - Friday Night Video, "The
Accused," 7:30 p.m.

PUBLISHED BY: Herland Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 NW 39th, Oklahoma City, OK 73112.
EXECUTIVE EDITOR:
Sondra Metzger
NATIONAL NEWS EDITOR:
Karen Lewis
CITY NEWS EDITOR:
Sondra Metzger

Sept. 11 • OK Gay/Lesbian Political
Caucus, Resource Center, 7:00 p.m.

TYPESETTING: Rhonda S.

Sept. 15 • Deadline for submissions to
newsletter.

GENERAL INFO: (405) 521-9696

Sept. 17 • HSR monthly board meeting,
Resource Center, 4:30 p.m.
Sept. 22 • Friday Night Video, "The
Women of Brewster Place, Part I,"
7:30p.m.
Sept. 23 - Garage Sale sponsored by OK
Chapter of the NAMES Project, 2509
Clermont (near Nichols Hills), 9 - 5;
for more info call 525-3221.
Sept. 23 - Seminar on animal rights by
PETA, 8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m.; call (301)
770-7444 for more information.
Oct. 1 • Volunteer Orientation, Resource
Center, 2 p.m.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS?
If you are planning to move, and you don't
want to miss any issues of the HSR Newsletter, please let us know you new address
BEFORE you move. For your protection the
Post Office wil not forward the Newsletter, and
Herland will not change your address without
your authorization. Therefore, to ensure
receipt of the Newsletter, fill out and mail us
this change-of-address form BEFORE you
move. The form may also be used to add your
name to the mailing list.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS FORM
Name(s) - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Old Address _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
City - - - - - - - - - - - - - State _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ZIP _ _ _ _ __
New Address _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
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Mail to:

2

Herland Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th
Oklahoma City, OK 73112

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

CIRCULATION: 700

ADVERTISING: 521-9696
DEADLINE on all advertising and submissions is
the 15th of each month.
SUBSCRIPTIONS to the HERLAND VOICE are
free upon request.

EDITORIAL POLICY!
The HERLAND VOICE is offered as an
open f arum for community discourse. Materials
printed herein reflect the beliefs and opinions of
the authors of the articles or letters, and not
necessarily those of the Newsletter or the
Herland Board.
Letters to the editor must be signed by the
writer with full name. Letters will not be
printed with name unless writer requests it.
Editing may be necessary for space or to avoid
obscenity, libel, or invasion of privacy, but ideas
will not be altered. Publication of all materials
is at the discretion of the editors. Anyone
having a complaint about the content of this
newsletter may contact the editors at 521-9696.

HERLAND IS ...
A non-profit corporation composed of a collective of wimmin - open to any womyn who
wants to be a part of it- which works to maintain a feminist library and bookstore, sponsors
workshops, retreats, concerts and other events for YOU. Herland's reason for being is to
provide a framework for a variety of projects for the support and enjoyment of the ar,ea
wimmin's community. It is a place to learn and grow, meet other wimmin, develop lasting
friendships, receive support and nurture the positive self-image that societal attitudes
sometimes make illusive to us. Herland exists to serve YOU.
Your donations are used to pay the mortgage and utilities on the resource center, and
printing and postage for the monthly HSR Newsletter and Friend of Herland cards.
All of Herland 's services are free, including the Newsletter. This is why your donation is so
important. It is Herland's lifeblood.

LESBIAN/GAY
YOUTH SUICIDES
A report just released by the U.S.
Department of Health and Human
Services (DHHS) Task Force on Youth
Suicide acknowledges that lesbian and
gay youth are at increased risk for
suicide, and calls for "an end [to]
discrimination against youths on the
basis of such characteristics as disability,
sexual orientation, and financial status."
The report, which was prepared
under former DHHS Secretary Otis R.
Rowen, was completed in January, 1989
but did not receive publication until
August.
"According to research discussed in
the DHHS report, suicide is the leading
cause of death among lesbian, gay, and
other sexual minority youth," said
Kevin Berrill, Director of the National
Gay and Lesbian Task Force's AntiViolence Project. "The increased risk
of suicide facing these youth is linked to
growing up in a society that teaches
them to hide and to hate themselves.
We welcome this report and hope it will

lead to action that will save lives."
The report revealed that studies show
that lesbian and gay youth "may comprise up to 30 percent of completed
suicides annually," and "homosexuals
of both sexes are two to six times more
likely to attempt suicide than are heterosexuals."
In a section focusing on prevention
and interventions, the report stated that
"mental health and youth service agencies can provide acceptance and support
for young homosexuals, train their
personnel on gay issues, and provide
appropriate gay adult role models;
schools can protect gay youth from
abuse from their peers and provide
accurate information about homosexuality in health curricula; families should
accept their child and work toward
educating themselves about the development and nature of homosexuality.''
Copies of the 4-volume report of the
DHHS Secretary's Task Force on Youth
Suicide cost $45.00 and can be obtained
from the Superintendent of Documents,
U.S. Government Printing Office, Washington, D.C. 20402.
•

Around the Country
GAY PRIDE MARCH
DUBUQUE, IOWA
It is time once again for Dubuque,
Iowa's annual lesbian/ gay pride rally/
march, this one being its third. The date
is set for September 16, 1989 at
Washington Park. The rally begins at
noon and the march to follow at
approximately 1 :00 p .m.
This event began on September 19,
1987 and was the beginning of confronting homophobia in this community and
the surrounding areas . This event is
now the continuation of confronting
homophobia. Dubuque's first rally/
march stimulated numerous hecklers to
come out and physically and verbally
harass supporters, of which were few.
Many eggs were thrown and the thirty
people who dared to march that first
time were all hit by the end of the
march. The second march/ rally became
a national event and was quite different
than the first, with approximately 600
supporters flooding Dubuque from
everywhere from San Francisco to
Washington, D .C. There was no eggthrowing at the second, although many
eggs were confiscated by the police.
In between the Dubuque marches,
the fight to convince Dubuque's city
council to include "sexual orientation"
in the city ordinance as a protected
category was on. This first fight, however, was recently terminated on May
15, 1989, by a 4-3 "no" vote. Another
additional action that has kept the continuation of confronting homophobia
alive is the filing of two discrimination
claims by a Dubuque lesbian, Stacie
Neldaughter. These claims revolve
around Stacie being terminated from a
softball team she had been playing with
for three years and Stacie's team being
harassed in league play in Dickeyville,
Wi., a town ten minutes outside of
Dubuque. The first claim is currently
under investigation while probable
cause has been found for the latter.
It thus appears that the first Dubuque
lesbian/ gay march was the stimulus to
all the things that followed. It is
important to continue this powerful
spirit at the third annual march; we
•
l ..,r~ to see you there!

HUMAN RIGHTS
CAMPAIGN FUND
SEEKS INTERNS
Washington, D .C., August 8 - The
Human Rights Campaign Fund is looking for interns for its office in Washington, D .C . Interns work in all program
areas, including legislative, political,
field, lesbian issues, administration and
public relations .
"This is a great opportunity for someone interested in lesbian and gay issues,
or just in learning how government and
politics work," said HRCF Political
Director Eric Rosenthal, who coordinates the intern program. "Interns have
an opportunity to make a contribution
to the lesbian and gay movement as
they work on important Congressional
issues."
Interns receive a stipend from HRCF
and must work at least 20 hours per
week for three months . Interns work
under the direction of an HRCF staff
member.
People who have questions or who
are interested in applying for internships should cont~ct Eric Rosenthal at
(202) 628-4160 or at the Human
Rights Campaign Fund, 1012 14th
Street, N .W., 6th Floor, Washington,
D.C. 20005 . The application should
include a resume, writing sample and a
letter discussing why you want to work
at HRCF.
HRCF is the largest national AIDS
and gay and lesbian advocacy organization and political action committee.
HRCF lobbies , educates and helps elect
members of the U.S . Congress . HRCF
also organizes and mobilizes gays and
lesbians and their supporters in the
field, and influences public opinion
through national and local media .
•

ABORTION RIGHTS &
GAV/LESBIAN RIGHTS
Washington , D.C. The Supreme Court
will hear Turnick v. Ragsdale and
Ohio v. Akron Center for Reproductive Health in the term beginning in
October. The Acron case involves
access to abortions for minors . The

Turnock case will determine the degree
to which states can regulate clinics
performing abortions.
The two cases, and one other also
scheduled to be heard, may provide an
opportunity for the Court to erode or
overturn the constitutional guarantees
to privacy rights and abortion articulated in the landmark Roe v. Wade
case .
''These issues are critical to us as
lesbians and gays, " said Eric Rosenthal ,
political director of the Human Rights
Campaign Fund (HRCF) . " Court rulings are built on previous judicial
decisions, and the privacy rights guaranteed in Roe must stand if our privacy
rights are ever to be protected by the
courts.
"If we want the constitutional rights of
women upheld , if we want to see sod9 my
decisions like Hardwick v. Bowers
overturned, then the rights to privacy
must be upheld," said Rosenthal.
In July, the Supreme Court seriously
weakened women's access to abortion in
its decision in the Webster v. Repro·
ductive Health Services case. The
court also suggested that constitutional
guarantees for privacy and abortion may
be lost as the Court issues opinions in
future cases.
HRCF has been part of the pro-choice
coalition organized by National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL),
Voters for Choice, National Organization for Women (NOW) and others.
Recently, pro-choice advocates won a
victory in the U .S. Congress when the
House of Representatives voted to
uphold funding of abortion clinics in the
nation's capital as part of the District of
Columbia's appropriations bill.
"Increasingly, we cannot depend on
the Court to uphold the Constitution
and defend individual liberties, so we
must protect ourselves by using the
ballot box," said Tim McFeeley, HRCF
executive director.
"NARAL and other pro-choice organizations are making abortion a major
issue in key election campaigns around
the country. Be certain you know where
you politician stands before you cast
your vote," said Mcfeeley. "Don't
accept vague promises. The stakes are
too high for women, for gays and for
lesbians."
•

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

3

GEORGIA HETEROSEXUAL
SODOMY CONVICTION
CHALLENGED:
Case May Fuel Legislative
Repeal Effort
Georgia attorneys are challenging the
conviction and jailing of an Atlantaarea man on charges resulting from
private and consensual sodomy with his
wife. A petition for a writ of habeas
corpus was filed in DeKalb Superior
Court on July 28 to overturn the man's
two-year jail sentence. The petition
argues that the conviction under the
156-year-old law is vague and overly
broad. Winning Moseley 's release from
jail does not preclude a legal challenge
to the Georgia sodomy law based on his
case.
James Moseley was accused by his
wife, from whom he was being divorced,
of rape and aggravated oral and anal
sodomy. On May 12, 1988, a jury
found him innocent of all counts of
coerced sex, but convicted him of
sodomy because Moseley testified that
he had engaged in consensual oral sex
with his wife. Clayton County Superior
Court Judge William Ison instructed
the jury that Moseley's admission gave
them the option of considering the
consensual sodomy charge. The jury
returned with a verdict of guilty and
Ison sentenced Moseley to five years in
jail. Moseley, eligible for parole after
two years, has served 17 months .
Moseley 's case has received extensive
coverage in the non-gay press in Atlanta
and around the state. Georgia Attorney
General Michael Bowers, who argued to
uphold the sodomy law in Bowers v.
Hardwick, has said that "the law
would have serious constitutional problems were it to be applied to a married
could.' '
In the wake of the Moseley case,
Georgia gay and lesbian activists are
considering a legislative repeal strategy
to strike the law from the books. Kathy
Woolard, president of the Lesbian and
Gay Rights Chapter of Georgia ACLU,
said, "We've got the momentum from
the press coverage. This is a big issue
right now and we should strike while
the iron is hot."
Said Sue Hyde, director of the NGLTF
Privacy Project, "We should always take
advantage of the opportunities for repeal
of sodomy laws. Judge Ison, due to his

4

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

bizzarre preoccupation with the private
consensual sexual behavior of adult
Georgians, has presented us with the
possibility for outright repeal. This
development tastes particularly sweet
because Georgia is the site of the Hardwick case in which the U .S. Supreme
Court declared gay men and lesbians
have no right to privacy. How fitting if
Georgia becomes the first state to repeal
its sodomy law. "
•

SEEKING WOMEN'S STORIES
ABOUT THE DEATHS OF
THEIR MOTHERS
There are no books that speak to
the specific grief of women losing
their mothers. 1 know. I loo ked for
one after my mother died . This
culknion of writings will allow us
tu find strength and solace in each
others ..:xperiences and insights.
1-ir;,t person narratives, short
stonl'S and essays welcome. Send
~A.SE for more information, or
< llntrihutions by December 31 ,
I9K9 tu :
Hl'kn Vn:enilek
P.O . Bux 18
Rerkl'k y, CA 94701

FEDERAL APPEALS COURT
REJECTS ARMY LESBIAN
ln the latest development in lesbian
Miriam Ben-Shalom's 13-year battle to
re-enlist in the U.S . Army Reserves, the
U.S . Federal C o urt of Appeals for the
Seventh C ircuit ruled on August 7 that
the Army is not required to re-enlist
Ben-Shalom. Justifying its decision in
part on the U .S . Supreme Court 's
ruling in Bowers v. Hardwick, in
which the court held that states could
regulate the rights of gay people to
engage in private, adult, consensual
sexual behavior, the court in BenShalom upheld the Army's regulation
discharging persons who " engage in
homosexual conduct, or who by their
statements demonstrate a propensity to
engage in homosexual conduct. "
The new decision by a three-judge
panel in Chicago reverses a lower
district court ruling which had declared
the Army regulation unconstitutional
and had ordered the Army to re-enlist

Ben-Shalom. Ben-Shalom will appeal to
a full (en bane) panel of the Seventh
Circuit Court of Appeals.
Sue Hyde, Director of the Privacy
Project of the National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force (NGLTF), and organizer of
the Gay & Lesbian Military Freedom
Project Coalition, condemned the
court's decision . "The damage Hardwick did to the lives of gay men and
lesbians continues to become clear with
each new case. In Ben-Shalom, the 7th
C ircuit extends the dangerous logic of
Hardwick to say it's o.k. to be gay, o .k .
to say you're gay and you favor gay
rights, but that it's not o.k. to act on
one's sexual orientation, not o .k . to live
our lives fully, without experiencing
discrimination.''
Ben-Shalom began her legal battle in
1976, when she was discharged from
the Army Reserves because she acknowledged her lesbianism to reporters writing about her appointment as one of the
first two women drill sergeants' in the
Army Reserves . In earlier vi~fories,
lower courts held that Ben-Shalom's
First Amendment rights were violated
by her discharge, and that the Army
regulation denied to gay people equal
protection under the law because it
penalized persons for their status as
homosexuals.
Apart from her lesbian identity, BenShalom's qualifications to serve in the
Army Reserves had not been questioned, nor had Ben-Shalom been
charged with engaging 'in homosexual
conduct. The Army claimed that embracing a homosexual identity indicated
a propensity to engage in homosexual
behavior, and that since homosexual
behavior or a propensity toward it was
proscribed by Army regulations, BenShalom's First Amendment rights were
not violated when she was dismissed for
acknowledging her lesbian identity.
"It is the identity that makes her
ineligible for military service, not the
speaking of it out loud," wrote Judge
Harlington Wood Jr. in the new BenShalom decision. "Thus, if the Army's
regulation affects speech, it does so
only incidentally, in the course of pursuing other legitimate goals."
The Court accepted as "substantial"
the Army's rationales for excluding
lesbians and gay men from the service.
The army's stated reasons included arguments that the presence of gay people in
the military was harmful to good
Continued on next page

continued from previous page

morale, order, mutual trust, the integrity of the system and the ability of the
Army to recruit and retain members.
The court recognized Ben-Shalom's
contention that prejudicial attitudes
towards gay people formed the basis for
the Army's regulation, but went on to
hold: "There no doubt is prejudice
against homosexuals both in and out of
the Army. That possibility may be abating to a degree. However, the Army
should not be required by the court to
assume the risk . . . that accepting admitted homosexuals into the armed forces
might imperil morale, discipline, and the
effectiveness of our fighting forces ."
Finally, the Court held that the legal
standard of review to decide on whether
Ben-Shalom, as a lesbian, was denied
equal protection und~r the law by the
Army's regulation was a "deferential"
one, because "if homosexual conduct
may constitutionally be criminalized
[under Hardwick], then homosexuals
do not constitute a suspect or quasisuspect class entitled to greater than
rational basis scrutiny for equal protection purposes." Applying this deferential
standard, the Court found that "the new
regulation ... clearly promotes a legitimate government interest sufficient to
survive rational basis scrutiny."
The decision in Ben-Shalom's case is a
setback for lesbian and gay activists
working to secure the right to serve in the
military. "We had hoped to find relief in
this decision for service members who
face witchhunts and prosecutions simply
for being gay or lesbian; instead we find
judicial prejudice," said Hyde.
Hyde noted that the Gay & Lesbian
Military Freedom Project Coalition,
which NGLTF spearheads, will continue
to pursue a Congressional strategy to
overturn the anti-gay /lesbian military
policy. Hyde also noted NGLTF's plans
to hold a Military Freedom demonstration at the White House on November
10. The Gay and Lesbian Military Freedom Project is a joint project of NGLTF,
the National Organization for Women,
Women's Equity Action League, National Lawyers Guild Military Law Task
Force, ACLU Gay and Lesbian Rights
Project, Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, and Citizen Soldier.
•

by Sondra Metzger
People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals is presenting a one-day seminar
in Oklahoma City for "the beginning
animal rights activist." It will be held on
Sept. 23, 1989, from 8 :30 a.m. to 5
p .m ., with a free vegan lunch included.
The cost is $20. For more information
and a registration form , call PETA at
( 301) 770-7444 before Sept. 8 . . . .
the Quilt is scheduled to be displayed
October 6 - 8, 1989, in Washington,
D .C . This will be the last time the entire
quilt will be displayed due to its size.
Sections of the Quilt will continue to
tour and be displayed. All Quilt panels
that were received at the NAMES
Project by Aug . 1, 1989, will be
included in this display. A brochure is
available at Herland if you would like to
volunteer to be a part of this event .. ..
if you would like to join the Episcopal
Women's Caucus, write to P.O. Box
5172, Laurel, MD 20707 .. ..

T

he Examiner has just concluded an
unprecedented 16-part feature on gays
in America. More than 60 Examiner staff
members contributed to this series,
talking to thousands of people in the Bay Area
and across the country . This important report
studied gay Americans, American society and
their uneasy intersection. In every major aspect
of our culture, "Gay in America" revealed how
gay and straight attitudes are changing as we
approach the 90s.
For a limited time, we're making available
this extraordinary work as a special reprint
package. Each is a full sixty-four pages, printed
flexographically (the ink won't come off on your
fingers). Every reprint comes with a bonus: the
original 13~ x 23-inch poster used to promote
the series. Cost for the reprint and poster
together (sorry, they're not available separately)
is $5.00. This covers our costs for processing,
postage and same-day shipping when we receive
your order. The Examiner makes no profit on
sales of these reprints.
Quantities are limited; order soon.

ACHE, the Black Lesbian Newsletter, is
still being published. For information,
write ACHE, P.O. Box 6071, Atlanta,
GA94706 ....
a 13-month black and white calendar
entitled "Take Back The Night" is
available from Full Womoon, P.O . Box
1205, Santa Cruz, CA 95061. Cost is
$11.50. The 11 x 17 hanging wall
calendar contains works of artists and
writers from diverse cultural experiences ....
the San Francisco Examiner is making
their 64 -page series, "Gay In America,''
available for everyone to purchase. The
order form can be found within the
pages of this issue of the Herland Voice.
'
The Examiner has granted us one-timeonly reprinting rights, so we will be
featuring parts of the series in this and
upcoming issues of the newsletter. It is
unfortunate that we lack sufficient
space to run the whole series as it
appeared over a period of 16 days in the
Examiner.

Examiner "Gay in America"
Reprint Offer
I'd lik<' tn orcirr rrprint.(")/pol'ltr(~) KK fnllow1"1 :

O Send me_rcprtnt./po!\t.f'r KCl!i@ Sri.on• ra<' h.
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~anJrancisco ffxaminer

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

5

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ALL THIS IN JUS

6

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

t, here's what you'll be missing!
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NE WEEKEND!

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HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

7

IF YOU STILL WANT TO REGISTER,
CALL LAURA TODAY AT 405-672-4141.

~J

(

WISTER

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_O ----

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HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

Sisters,

Letters to the Editor
Greetings!

I am writing to tell you about my latest
project, a tape of music about the experience of and recovery process from sexual
assault. As you may know, I have been
writing this music since 1985 and decided
within the last year to focus on performing
and recording it.
My goals with what I call my "survivor
music" is to provide a healing tool for survivors and those helping survivors with the
healing process-shelter workers, rape crisis
workers, therapists and others. My second
goal is to raise the public's awareness of the
issues of violence and the threat of violence
we face in everyday life.
My desire is to offer music that can bring
comfort, hope and truth to many people
who have experiences they feel they cannot
put into words.
Working on projects such as this can be
an intense and lonely experience. After
feeling the powerful response to this music,
I feel it is a project that needs immediate
action. Because I have put my own resources into promotion and production in most
recent years, I am also in need of your
financial support. It is amazing how big a
difference even a small contribution can
make.

I believe this music needs to reach as
many people as possible, as soon as possible. All of the music is written and ready to
be recorded. Your support can take it into
the studio!
To contribute, you may make a financial
contribution; however, because I am not a
nonprofit institution, your contribution is
not tax deductible. You may ask colleagues
who share the same interest in sexual abuse
to contribute, or you may purchase one of
my current recordings. Daylight is a tape
of original instrumental music. By Request Only is a vocal tape featuring original compositions.
If your contribution is $150 or more, you
will be listed as a contributor on the tape
cover and will receive one free copy of the
final product. If your donation is between
$50 and $150, you will receive one free
copy of the final product.
No matter what kind of support you
have to offer, I trust that you will spread the
word about this project, and I thank you for
your cooperation, your recognition of my
talent and your appreciation. Just as you
carry my music with you, I carry you with
me. Thanks for listening!

Please include us on your subscribers
mailing list. A kind soul gave us a back
issue. We devoured it. Now, we crave more.
Thank you for your efforts.
(from Shawn~e. Oklahoma)

~

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1 0 YESI I want to be a Friend of Herland. My minimum
donation of $12 allows me use of the Herland Library and
a 10% discount on store purchases over the next 12
months. (My $12 is enclosed.)

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1

D YES 1 I want to he lp Herland with a donation to the

New Building Fund.
D $15
D $50

D $20
D $100

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D $25
0 $_ _

D Bookstore volunteer D Building volunteer

Name - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - :Address _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

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City _ _ _ _ _ _ _ SL__ZIP_ _

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Telephone Number: (

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Mail to:

Herland Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
,

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Nancy Day
(NOTE: Daylight and By Request
Only are available at Her land. - Ed.)

GAV IN AMERICA SERIES
DEFINITIONS
The following are a list of definitions
whose history might surprise even the
most knowledgeable gay or lesbian.
GAY -

homosexual. In the 17th century, the
word gay went beyond its original meaning of
happy to include men who were playboys. By
the next century, it was applied to women
with promiscuous reputations. By the early
20th century, it had been adopted by homosexuals to refer to themselves. Since 1970, the
word has gained acceptance as a standard,
nonslang, nonpejorative synonym for homosexuality.

LESBIAN -

a woman attracted to women. It
derives from the isle of Lesbos, where the
ancient Greek poet and teacher, Sappho,
established a school for girls about 580 B.C.
As Sappho became known for her poetry
celebrating love between women, the term
"lesbian" evolved from the meaning "one
who lives on Lesbos" to "a woman like
Sappho and her followers."

HOMOSEXUAL - a person who is attracted
to people of the same sex. Karl Maria
Kertbeny coined the term in 1869 in a pamphlet arguing for the repeal of Prussia's antihomosexual laws. U.S. Medical journals
adopted the term in the 1890's, and it filtered
into general use in the 1920s.

HETEROSEXUAL - a person who is attracted
(most of the time) to people of the opposite
sex. The word came into being after the
introduction of the word homosexual.

DYKE - originally a 19th century slang word
referring to male clothing. When first used in
reference to women, it carried a derogatory
connotation of masculine appearance or
behavior. While the masculine connotation
often remains, many lesbians have adopted
the term, thus reducing the negative nuance.

FAGGOT -

a male homosexual. Originally a
term of derision, it has been adopted by many
of those to w horn it refers. Experts disagree
over the word's origin. Some suggest it derives
from FAG, a British schoolboy term for a
younger student required to perform menial
tasks for an older student.

/
LAVEND ER -

is the color most often associated with being gay, because it is the combination of colors traditionally representing male
and female-blue and pink.

LADSLOVE -

19th century poets used this
plant as a symbol of homosexuality.

CALAMUS -

a plant used by poet Walt
Whitman to symbolize homoerotic love.

LABYRIS -

a double-bladed ax that is the
symbol of lesbianism often used in jewelry.
Appearing in mythological times as a scepter
for the Amazon goddess Demeter (Artemis) ,
scholars speculate the ax may have been used
in battle by female Scythian warriors, who
adopted it when male priests overtook the
goddess' shrine at Delphi.
San Francisco Examiner
Reprinted with permission

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

9

MOM, l'M IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN. l'M GAY.
By Jacqui Tully
I was 24. An adult. And a mess of an
adult, too, skidding precariously toward
panic. And why not - my mother sat
calmly across from me, scrutinizing my
spice rack while I prepared to change her
life by telling her I was gay. It was 1974.
"Mom, you know Jeanette. Remember her?"
"Of course I do . She's sweet, but too
thin ."
"Mom, I'm in love with her. I'm gay."
The blood drained from her face and
all I recall was a blur of red lipstick and
two blazing green eyes. She stared at me .
The daughter of Polish immigrants, my
mother has always been heroic in a crisis,
and I would see her straining to say
something to mask the pain I knew she
felt.
She cleared her throat. "You're out of
tarragon."
That conversation took place 15 years
ago . But we haven't had a meaningful
conversation about my homosexuality
since then. Or should I say, yet. She has
welcomed my lovers into her home and I
always try to talk freely about my life, but
we have never discussed how she feels
about having a lesbian for a daughter.
She has never acknowledged how
much she actually reveals to her friends
about her middle child's life. My life. I
strongly suspect that they know very
little and I'll tell you why: My mother has
three aces up her sleeve - two other
daughters, both married, and one granddaughter.
I've never felt I could help her with the
private hardships I am certain she has
struggled with because of my homosexuality. If my mother experiences guilt
over a soggy potato pancake, you can be
certain she suffers through sleepless
nights, wondering how she did "this" to
me. Still, we never really talked. Had we,
the fact of my sexuality might seem more
real. Who needed that?
I have been grateful to have escaped
the real horror that can occur when gays
reveal their sexuality to parents. My
mother didn't disown me . Nor did she
sink into an intractable depression .
No . We were a pretty ordinary gay
kid/ shocked parent: truth followed by
silence followed by years of strained
cordiality.

And so, without ever speaking of it, we
both did what we thought would preserve the connection. We avoided "it."
Unfortunately, "it" was the fabric and
heartbeat of my life.
Much later, avoidance turned to anger,
but I still believe even the freest gay
people move through the world with a
reserve that springs from these early
fears. We learn to travel the gray zone of
the untruth with the best of them.
We must always work to be free, but
we will never be entirely fearless .
This notion embraces the almost
constant conflicts gays face : the yearning
to be honest vs. the fear of reprisal; the
longing for approval battling the need to
be ourselves; and, the resignation we feel
because of the self-consciousness of
being gay.
Years back, when I took my first
newspaper job in a smaller city back East,
I interviewed a woman for a story about a
local art museum. A vivacious talker
with two young kids and a prominent
lawyer husband, Barbara soon asked if I
were single or married. Single, I told her,
even though I had been living with
Norma for several years.
Within two w~eks Barbara was calling
me regularly, trying to "fix me up." I
became so exasperated I sank deeper into
the convenient untruth.
"Well, actually, Barbara, I am involved
with someone. I mean, I am single, but
I'm tied up."
"Oh, what's his name?" she asked
quickly, and I, panicking, replied,
"Norman."
"Well then," Barbara cheerfully sang
out, "why don't you and Norman come
to dinner Friday night?"
Part of geing gay is being covert, even
when secrecy is merely a bad habit rather
than a necessity. The problem is, you
cannot predict how people will respond.
Sometimes you don't know whether
you're being careful, cowardly or reasonable.
When my nine-year relationship with
Norma ended, I plunged into a state of
emotional devastation. Still living in the
house, Norma grew so worried that she
packed me into the car and drove me to
my internist's office.
He bustled into the examining room

where Norma and I were sitting. What
was wrong, he asked?
"My lover broke up with me. It's been
nine years. I've been drinking and taking
pills and I feel very frightened and
unstable."
lnsinctively, he began taking my pulse.
He said, "I'd like to see him in?"
"He is in,'' I answered dully. "That's
him behind you in the blue dress."
What struck me most about the
moment was this: For seven years I had
let this kind man press a cold stethoscope
to my chest while I confided my worst
medical fears to him, but I had never told
him I was gay. I was afraid to. Not
seriously afraid. But seriously hesitant.
Humans learn, early on, to view homosexuality with either terror or disdain.
We can and do unlearn these unsuitable
lessons, but we can't always predict when
caution will be replaced by confidence.
After moving here, I started ~brking
with a remarkable man, a man you.could
tell anything. Yet I didn't tell him I was
gay because I have never been able to
figure out how you ease your sexuality
into a job interview.
Several weeks into the job, we were
working on a big case and he needed help
in New York.
The night I arrived, he took me to
dinner. Over a bottle of wine and a
pleasant conversation, he casually mentioned that his wife hap wondered if I
were single or married. I jumped in and
told him I was gay. He responded with
characteristic kindness. It was a kindness
we sometimes don't welcome. It can be
condescending, a form of dismissal. With
my boss this time, it was simply a relief.
Later, as we grew closer, and I was
completely relaxed with him, we would
sometimes find ourselves watching the
same beautiful woman walk down the
street, then laugh as we realized what we
were thinking. The point is: Our gayness
invades all corners of our lives. We never
forget what we are.
Ultimately, big issues disguise themselves as small nuisances and frustrations.
A friend recalled standing off to the
side at a wedding while the bride and
groom fed each other cake. "Both o f
their families stood near them, clapping
wildly. I just can't imagine what .t
continued on next pa1 e

10

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

continued from previous page

would be like having the world drown
in my happiness ."
When I don't hold hands with my
lover in the grocery store, the issue isn't
how much I can display affection
publicly. It's freedom. My freedom . I
don't have as much of it as heterosexuals do.
I sometimes watch men and women
standing on a street comer, kissing. I
love these moments; they're wildly
romantic. But it reminds me I am not as
spontaneous in the same situation.
A wise old friend once told me that
happiness consists of being perfectly
satisfied with what we have got and
with what we haven't got. Gays may
best understand the paradox in that
remark: Our liberation triggers a kind
of imprisonment-the subtle constrictions of homophobia. If we can break
that chain reaction, we may be liberated.
People wonder: why are gay people
gay? I don't know. Two women once
told me they were gay after watching
"Peter Pan." Another friend said she
simply had never fallen out of love with
Donna Reed . The truth about these
moments is that we have been asked to
justify them since the moment we articulated them.
My demarcation point arrived weeks
after I graduated from college. I h ad
never once thought I was gay. I had
never said the word " lesbian" out loud.
I took a trip with my best friend . On
the first night we slept in the same bed,
in a dusty motel in the middle of the
New Mexico desert. It was too hot to
breathe. In the middle of that still night
I became so aware of my friend 's presence I could not sleep. I had no idea
why.
The next night we slept in the same
bed in her brother's house in Colorado.
When we woke up that morning, we
couldn't look at each other, though
nothing had happened. I was bewildered
and frightened. That day, as we drove
from Denver through the Midwest, I
leaned over and put my hand on her
face . I experienced a kind of joy I had
never felt before. And I knew my life
had changed forever. Though I had lost
my place in the world, I was free.
Tully is a free-lance writer in San
Francisco.

ANNOUNCES
ANNUAL FALL RETREAT
September 1 - 4, Lake Wister State Park

FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEO
September 8, 7:30 p.m. - "The Accused"

BOARD MEETING
September 17, 4:30 p.m. - Resource Center

FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEO
September 22, 7:30 p.m. - "The Women of Brewster Place,
Part I"

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VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION MEETING
August 20, 2:00 p.m. - Resource Center

HERLAND OPEN WEDNESDAY NIGHTS
Continuing through September at 6:30 p.m.

THE RESOURCE CENTER ON 39TH STREET
WILL BE CLOSED LABOR DAY WEEKEND DUE
TO THE ANNUAL FALL RETREAT AT LAKE
WISTER STATE PARK.
I
HERLAND CENTER IS NOW OPEN:
SATURDAYS 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.
SUNDAYS 1 p.m. - 6 p.m.
HERLAND BOARD MEETINGS ARE HELD THE 3RD
SUNDAY OF EVERY MONTH AT 2312 N.W. 39TH
4:30 p.m.

Designs With Lettering
Custom Signs and Lettering

359-1900
HSR would like to thank the women of OWL for their generous
donations of signs for our new building.

Reprinted with permission from the San Francisco Examiner

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

11

Classifieds

366-0923

FREE KITTEN. 16-week-old male tabby, very sweet; has
all shots. Free to good home. 1-872-8673.
FOR SALE OR RENT • 2 bedroom, 2 bath mobile home,
14' x 70', located near Tinker. Call 321-8423.

ttELEN HOLGATE

HOUSECLEANING, Pet Sitting and Grooming, Housesitting, Odd Jobs. Affordable rates. References on
request. 842-4225.

Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
Counselor

BUY OR RENT· this very nice 3BR, 1 Vz bath brick home
on 9/10 acre in Noble. 405-872-8673.

"Stress Management"
Therapeutic Massage

REBECCA R. COHN, Ph.D.
CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY

5~11\1 Dlcvitts

525-5907
P. 0 Box 5119
Norman, Okla . 73070

Gift certificates also
available. What better
gift for that hard-(oiv
slwp-for person?

Adolescent ... Group ...
Family Therapy

321-2148

KEMCO

•

Treat yourself like a
millionaire for a day.
Get a Massage and live
like the Rich and
Famous.

CHURCH OF CHRIST
FOR GAY PEOPLE
MEETS THURSDAYS, 7:30 P.M .
102 EAST HEFNER ROAD
IN OKLAHOMA CITY/
MAILING ADDRESS

PRINTING INC.
34-0-4301

DANNY

P .O. BOX 60873, OKC OK 73146
(405) 787-1253 OR JANIE (405) 755-7259

1601 S. Broadway. Unit D • Edmond. Okla. 73013

TREAT YOURSEL T TO THE "TOUCH OF GOLD. "

Treat your special someone, too, for $10 off her massage!

oouch of Qold

848-5429

HEALTHFUL • STRESS RELIEVING MASSAGE

by

Speciul
Jiscoimt.~

uvuilublc
wull
HL'rlanJ
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12

Melanie ~· McKiddy
MASSAGE THERAPIST

360-6945

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

" Portable"
massage
table
available
for your
convenience.

SHIR L EY M. HUNTER, M.A.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR

Emphasis on the problems of gay people.
PENN PAF\K OFFICE COMPLEX o SUITE 102
5009 N PENNSYLVANIA o OKLAHOMA CITY. OK 73112



cto~HERLAND ~
SEPTEMBER, 1989

ICE

NEWSLETTER'S
NEW LOOK

NAMES PROJECT QUILT
IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

Hey! Have you noticed anything different about the newsletter? After many
months, she now has her own name,
her own identity, The Herland Voice.
The significance of the name, suggested by one of our board members,
can best be described in the words of
that board member:
"I feel we should include the word
"Herland" because it carries such power
and hard-fought roots in the country as
a whole . The word "voice" works as an
instrument with which to spread the
power and conviction of our struggle. If
we, as a community, raise our voice as
one, we can indeed overcome."
As executive editor, my goal is to
make this newsletter something you
can't wait to get into your hands . Each
month we are finding ways to make the
newsletter more enjoyable, easier to
read, and to include more variety. I
would like to see it be more than what it
is, and I think, with your help, that can
be accomplished.
After we file the necessary paperwork
to have the newsletter copyrighted, we
will feature local poets and artists when
the works are available. If you have any
suggestions or contributions, please let
me know.
You are the heart of the newsletter.
Without you, there is no need for a
newsletter. I'm ver y excited about the
"Voice," and I hope you will be, too.•

A delegation of at least 20 people so
far are going to represent the Oklahoma
chapter of the NAMES Project at the
national display of the AIDS Memorial
Quilt in Washington on October 6th,
7th and 8th. The display will be the last
time the Quilt is shown in its entirety
due to its increasing size.
The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial
Quilt was begun as a way to remember
the names of those who have died of the
AIDS epidemic. The Project has g¢wn
to encompass over 15,000 names and
cover an area over 14· football fields in
size.
A portion of the Quilt was shown in
Oklahoma City at the State Fairgrounds
last May. The display was put together
by the Oklahoma chapter of the
NAMES Project with the help of
hundreds of volunteers. Over $9,000
was raised and distributed to local
organizations in Oklahoma City and
Tulsa that provide direct services to
Persons With AIDS (PWl\.'s).
The delegation from Oklahoma will
be helping with the national display as
volunteers filling several capacities.
Anyone interested in attending the
Washington, D .C. display can get discounted air fare and hotel rates by
calling The Oklahoma NAMES Project
at 949- 2952.
The Oklahoma Chapter of the
NAMES Project is sponsoring a garage
sale to raise money for the national
display of the Quilt in Washington,
D.C. in October, The garage sale will be
September 23rd. The Oklahoma Chapter is seeking donations of garage sale
items for the fund raiser, Interested
donors should call 949-2952 or 5253221 to make arrangements .
•

VOLUM E 6 NUM BE R 9

•

N.O.W. MEETING HELD
by Margaret C.
The August 5, 1989 meeting of the
local chapter of the National Organization for Women, Metro OKC NOW,
drew more than 30 women and one
man determined to work to keep
freedom of choice in Oklahoma. Following a video and discussion, the
group opted to work closely with
Campaign for Choice, but at the same
time to do separate actions to more
accurately reflect the more radical attitude of NOW members.
The first undertaking was ambitious,
requiring the gathering of data, writing
of articles, lay-out and printing for a
brochure to present to the legislature
on August 14, the first day of the
Special Session called by Gov. Bellman.
The brochure was ready for delivery,
and at 9:00 a.m. on Monday the 14th,
several NOW members wearing buttons declaring "I'm Pro-Choice - and I
Vote," delivered the brochures to all of
our state legislators, the Governor,
Attorney General, etc. The brochures
were also "wearing" a button, this
button with the "no more hangers"
logo.
Metro OKC's next meeting was
p lanned for August 26, 1989. At that
meeting the preliminary work began on
setting up a phone tree. Other projects
and actions will be planned. Anyone
interested in attending a NOW meeting
may call ( 405) 528-0400 for information.
•

HER LAND SISTER RESOURCES

•

2312 N.W. 39th, OKC, OK 73112

•

(405) 521-9696

HSR-CALENDAR OF
EVENTS-SEPTEMBER
Sept. 1 • 4 • Annual Fall Retreat, Lake
Wister State Park
Sept. 8 - Friday Night Video, "The
Accused," 7:30 p.m.

PUBLISHED BY: Herland Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 NW 39th, Oklahoma City, OK 73112.
EXECUTIVE EDITOR:
Sondra Metzger
NATIONAL NEWS EDITOR:
Karen Lewis
CITY NEWS EDITOR:
Sondra Metzger

Sept. 11 • OK Gay/Lesbian Political
Caucus, Resource Center, 7:00 p.m.

TYPESETTING: Rhonda S.

Sept. 15 • Deadline for submissions to
newsletter.

GENERAL INFO: (405) 521-9696

Sept. 17 • HSR monthly board meeting,
Resource Center, 4:30 p.m.
Sept. 22 • Friday Night Video, "The
Women of Brewster Place, Part I,"
7:30p.m.
Sept. 23 - Garage Sale sponsored by OK
Chapter of the NAMES Project, 2509
Clermont (near Nichols Hills), 9 - 5;
for more info call 525-3221.
Sept. 23 - Seminar on animal rights by
PETA, 8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m.; call (301)
770-7444 for more information.
Oct. 1 • Volunteer Orientation, Resource
Center, 2 p.m.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS?
If you are planning to move, and you don't
want to miss any issues of the HSR Newsletter, please let us know you new address
BEFORE you move. For your protection the
Post Office wil not forward the Newsletter, and
Herland will not change your address without
your authorization. Therefore, to ensure
receipt of the Newsletter, fill out and mail us
this change-of-address form BEFORE you
move. The form may also be used to add your
name to the mailing list.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS FORM
Name(s) - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Old Address _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
City - - - - - - - - - - - - - State _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ZIP _ _ _ _ __
New Address _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __
City - - - - - - - - - - - - - State _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ZIP _ _ _ _ __
Mail to:

2

Herland Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th
Oklahoma City, OK 73112

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

CIRCULATION: 700

ADVERTISING: 521-9696
DEADLINE on all advertising and submissions is
the 15th of each month.
SUBSCRIPTIONS to the HERLAND VOICE are
free upon request.

EDITORIAL POLICY!
The HERLAND VOICE is offered as an
open f arum for community discourse. Materials
printed herein reflect the beliefs and opinions of
the authors of the articles or letters, and not
necessarily those of the Newsletter or the
Herland Board.
Letters to the editor must be signed by the
writer with full name. Letters will not be
printed with name unless writer requests it.
Editing may be necessary for space or to avoid
obscenity, libel, or invasion of privacy, but ideas
will not be altered. Publication of all materials
is at the discretion of the editors. Anyone
having a complaint about the content of this
newsletter may contact the editors at 521-9696.

HERLAND IS ...
A non-profit corporation composed of a collective of wimmin - open to any womyn who
wants to be a part of it- which works to maintain a feminist library and bookstore, sponsors
workshops, retreats, concerts and other events for YOU. Herland's reason for being is to
provide a framework for a variety of projects for the support and enjoyment of the ar,ea
wimmin's community. It is a place to learn and grow, meet other wimmin, develop lasting
friendships, receive support and nurture the positive self-image that societal attitudes
sometimes make illusive to us. Herland exists to serve YOU.
Your donations are used to pay the mortgage and utilities on the resource center, and
printing and postage for the monthly HSR Newsletter and Friend of Herland cards.
All of Herland 's services are free, including the Newsletter. This is why your donation is so
important. It is Herland's lifeblood.

LESBIAN/GAY
YOUTH SUICIDES
A report just released by the U.S.
Department of Health and Human
Services (DHHS) Task Force on Youth
Suicide acknowledges that lesbian and
gay youth are at increased risk for
suicide, and calls for "an end [to]
discrimination against youths on the
basis of such characteristics as disability,
sexual orientation, and financial status."
The report, which was prepared
under former DHHS Secretary Otis R.
Rowen, was completed in January, 1989
but did not receive publication until
August.
"According to research discussed in
the DHHS report, suicide is the leading
cause of death among lesbian, gay, and
other sexual minority youth," said
Kevin Berrill, Director of the National
Gay and Lesbian Task Force's AntiViolence Project. "The increased risk
of suicide facing these youth is linked to
growing up in a society that teaches
them to hide and to hate themselves.
We welcome this report and hope it will

lead to action that will save lives."
The report revealed that studies show
that lesbian and gay youth "may comprise up to 30 percent of completed
suicides annually," and "homosexuals
of both sexes are two to six times more
likely to attempt suicide than are heterosexuals."
In a section focusing on prevention
and interventions, the report stated that
"mental health and youth service agencies can provide acceptance and support
for young homosexuals, train their
personnel on gay issues, and provide
appropriate gay adult role models;
schools can protect gay youth from
abuse from their peers and provide
accurate information about homosexuality in health curricula; families should
accept their child and work toward
educating themselves about the development and nature of homosexuality.''
Copies of the 4-volume report of the
DHHS Secretary's Task Force on Youth
Suicide cost $45.00 and can be obtained
from the Superintendent of Documents,
U.S. Government Printing Office, Washington, D.C. 20402.
•

Around the Country
GAY PRIDE MARCH
DUBUQUE, IOWA
It is time once again for Dubuque,
Iowa's annual lesbian/ gay pride rally/
march, this one being its third. The date
is set for September 16, 1989 at
Washington Park. The rally begins at
noon and the march to follow at
approximately 1 :00 p .m.
This event began on September 19,
1987 and was the beginning of confronting homophobia in this community and
the surrounding areas . This event is
now the continuation of confronting
homophobia. Dubuque's first rally/
march stimulated numerous hecklers to
come out and physically and verbally
harass supporters, of which were few.
Many eggs were thrown and the thirty
people who dared to march that first
time were all hit by the end of the
march. The second march/ rally became
a national event and was quite different
than the first, with approximately 600
supporters flooding Dubuque from
everywhere from San Francisco to
Washington, D .C. There was no eggthrowing at the second, although many
eggs were confiscated by the police.
In between the Dubuque marches,
the fight to convince Dubuque's city
council to include "sexual orientation"
in the city ordinance as a protected
category was on. This first fight, however, was recently terminated on May
15, 1989, by a 4-3 "no" vote. Another
additional action that has kept the continuation of confronting homophobia
alive is the filing of two discrimination
claims by a Dubuque lesbian, Stacie
Neldaughter. These claims revolve
around Stacie being terminated from a
softball team she had been playing with
for three years and Stacie's team being
harassed in league play in Dickeyville,
Wi., a town ten minutes outside of
Dubuque. The first claim is currently
under investigation while probable
cause has been found for the latter.
It thus appears that the first Dubuque
lesbian/ gay march was the stimulus to
all the things that followed. It is
important to continue this powerful
spirit at the third annual march; we
•
l ..,r~ to see you there!

HUMAN RIGHTS
CAMPAIGN FUND
SEEKS INTERNS
Washington, D .C., August 8 - The
Human Rights Campaign Fund is looking for interns for its office in Washington, D .C . Interns work in all program
areas, including legislative, political,
field, lesbian issues, administration and
public relations .
"This is a great opportunity for someone interested in lesbian and gay issues,
or just in learning how government and
politics work," said HRCF Political
Director Eric Rosenthal, who coordinates the intern program. "Interns have
an opportunity to make a contribution
to the lesbian and gay movement as
they work on important Congressional
issues."
Interns receive a stipend from HRCF
and must work at least 20 hours per
week for three months . Interns work
under the direction of an HRCF staff
member.
People who have questions or who
are interested in applying for internships should cont~ct Eric Rosenthal at
(202) 628-4160 or at the Human
Rights Campaign Fund, 1012 14th
Street, N .W., 6th Floor, Washington,
D.C. 20005 . The application should
include a resume, writing sample and a
letter discussing why you want to work
at HRCF.
HRCF is the largest national AIDS
and gay and lesbian advocacy organization and political action committee.
HRCF lobbies , educates and helps elect
members of the U.S . Congress . HRCF
also organizes and mobilizes gays and
lesbians and their supporters in the
field, and influences public opinion
through national and local media .
•

ABORTION RIGHTS &
GAV/LESBIAN RIGHTS
Washington , D.C. The Supreme Court
will hear Turnick v. Ragsdale and
Ohio v. Akron Center for Reproductive Health in the term beginning in
October. The Acron case involves
access to abortions for minors . The

Turnock case will determine the degree
to which states can regulate clinics
performing abortions.
The two cases, and one other also
scheduled to be heard, may provide an
opportunity for the Court to erode or
overturn the constitutional guarantees
to privacy rights and abortion articulated in the landmark Roe v. Wade
case .
''These issues are critical to us as
lesbians and gays, " said Eric Rosenthal ,
political director of the Human Rights
Campaign Fund (HRCF) . " Court rulings are built on previous judicial
decisions, and the privacy rights guaranteed in Roe must stand if our privacy
rights are ever to be protected by the
courts.
"If we want the constitutional rights of
women upheld , if we want to see sod9 my
decisions like Hardwick v. Bowers
overturned, then the rights to privacy
must be upheld," said Rosenthal.
In July, the Supreme Court seriously
weakened women's access to abortion in
its decision in the Webster v. Repro·
ductive Health Services case. The
court also suggested that constitutional
guarantees for privacy and abortion may
be lost as the Court issues opinions in
future cases.
HRCF has been part of the pro-choice
coalition organized by National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL),
Voters for Choice, National Organization for Women (NOW) and others.
Recently, pro-choice advocates won a
victory in the U .S. Congress when the
House of Representatives voted to
uphold funding of abortion clinics in the
nation's capital as part of the District of
Columbia's appropriations bill.
"Increasingly, we cannot depend on
the Court to uphold the Constitution
and defend individual liberties, so we
must protect ourselves by using the
ballot box," said Tim McFeeley, HRCF
executive director.
"NARAL and other pro-choice organizations are making abortion a major
issue in key election campaigns around
the country. Be certain you know where
you politician stands before you cast
your vote," said Mcfeeley. "Don't
accept vague promises. The stakes are
too high for women, for gays and for
lesbians."
•

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

3

GEORGIA HETEROSEXUAL
SODOMY CONVICTION
CHALLENGED:
Case May Fuel Legislative
Repeal Effort
Georgia attorneys are challenging the
conviction and jailing of an Atlantaarea man on charges resulting from
private and consensual sodomy with his
wife. A petition for a writ of habeas
corpus was filed in DeKalb Superior
Court on July 28 to overturn the man's
two-year jail sentence. The petition
argues that the conviction under the
156-year-old law is vague and overly
broad. Winning Moseley 's release from
jail does not preclude a legal challenge
to the Georgia sodomy law based on his
case.
James Moseley was accused by his
wife, from whom he was being divorced,
of rape and aggravated oral and anal
sodomy. On May 12, 1988, a jury
found him innocent of all counts of
coerced sex, but convicted him of
sodomy because Moseley testified that
he had engaged in consensual oral sex
with his wife. Clayton County Superior
Court Judge William Ison instructed
the jury that Moseley's admission gave
them the option of considering the
consensual sodomy charge. The jury
returned with a verdict of guilty and
Ison sentenced Moseley to five years in
jail. Moseley, eligible for parole after
two years, has served 17 months .
Moseley 's case has received extensive
coverage in the non-gay press in Atlanta
and around the state. Georgia Attorney
General Michael Bowers, who argued to
uphold the sodomy law in Bowers v.
Hardwick, has said that "the law
would have serious constitutional problems were it to be applied to a married
could.' '
In the wake of the Moseley case,
Georgia gay and lesbian activists are
considering a legislative repeal strategy
to strike the law from the books. Kathy
Woolard, president of the Lesbian and
Gay Rights Chapter of Georgia ACLU,
said, "We've got the momentum from
the press coverage. This is a big issue
right now and we should strike while
the iron is hot."
Said Sue Hyde, director of the NGLTF
Privacy Project, "We should always take
advantage of the opportunities for repeal
of sodomy laws. Judge Ison, due to his

4

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

bizzarre preoccupation with the private
consensual sexual behavior of adult
Georgians, has presented us with the
possibility for outright repeal. This
development tastes particularly sweet
because Georgia is the site of the Hardwick case in which the U .S. Supreme
Court declared gay men and lesbians
have no right to privacy. How fitting if
Georgia becomes the first state to repeal
its sodomy law. "
•

SEEKING WOMEN'S STORIES
ABOUT THE DEATHS OF
THEIR MOTHERS
There are no books that speak to
the specific grief of women losing
their mothers. 1 know. I loo ked for
one after my mother died . This
culknion of writings will allow us
tu find strength and solace in each
others ..:xperiences and insights.
1-ir;,t person narratives, short
stonl'S and essays welcome. Send
~A.SE for more information, or
< llntrihutions by December 31 ,
I9K9 tu :
Hl'kn Vn:enilek
P.O . Bux 18
Rerkl'k y, CA 94701

FEDERAL APPEALS COURT
REJECTS ARMY LESBIAN
ln the latest development in lesbian
Miriam Ben-Shalom's 13-year battle to
re-enlist in the U.S . Army Reserves, the
U.S . Federal C o urt of Appeals for the
Seventh C ircuit ruled on August 7 that
the Army is not required to re-enlist
Ben-Shalom. Justifying its decision in
part on the U .S . Supreme Court 's
ruling in Bowers v. Hardwick, in
which the court held that states could
regulate the rights of gay people to
engage in private, adult, consensual
sexual behavior, the court in BenShalom upheld the Army's regulation
discharging persons who " engage in
homosexual conduct, or who by their
statements demonstrate a propensity to
engage in homosexual conduct. "
The new decision by a three-judge
panel in Chicago reverses a lower
district court ruling which had declared
the Army regulation unconstitutional
and had ordered the Army to re-enlist

Ben-Shalom. Ben-Shalom will appeal to
a full (en bane) panel of the Seventh
Circuit Court of Appeals.
Sue Hyde, Director of the Privacy
Project of the National Gay and Lesbian
Task Force (NGLTF), and organizer of
the Gay & Lesbian Military Freedom
Project Coalition, condemned the
court's decision . "The damage Hardwick did to the lives of gay men and
lesbians continues to become clear with
each new case. In Ben-Shalom, the 7th
C ircuit extends the dangerous logic of
Hardwick to say it's o.k. to be gay, o .k .
to say you're gay and you favor gay
rights, but that it's not o.k. to act on
one's sexual orientation, not o .k . to live
our lives fully, without experiencing
discrimination.''
Ben-Shalom began her legal battle in
1976, when she was discharged from
the Army Reserves because she acknowledged her lesbianism to reporters writing about her appointment as one of the
first two women drill sergeants' in the
Army Reserves . In earlier vi~fories,
lower courts held that Ben-Shalom's
First Amendment rights were violated
by her discharge, and that the Army
regulation denied to gay people equal
protection under the law because it
penalized persons for their status as
homosexuals.
Apart from her lesbian identity, BenShalom's qualifications to serve in the
Army Reserves had not been questioned, nor had Ben-Shalom been
charged with engaging 'in homosexual
conduct. The Army claimed that embracing a homosexual identity indicated
a propensity to engage in homosexual
behavior, and that since homosexual
behavior or a propensity toward it was
proscribed by Army regulations, BenShalom's First Amendment rights were
not violated when she was dismissed for
acknowledging her lesbian identity.
"It is the identity that makes her
ineligible for military service, not the
speaking of it out loud," wrote Judge
Harlington Wood Jr. in the new BenShalom decision. "Thus, if the Army's
regulation affects speech, it does so
only incidentally, in the course of pursuing other legitimate goals."
The Court accepted as "substantial"
the Army's rationales for excluding
lesbians and gay men from the service.
The army's stated reasons included arguments that the presence of gay people in
the military was harmful to good
Continued on next page

continued from previous page

morale, order, mutual trust, the integrity of the system and the ability of the
Army to recruit and retain members.
The court recognized Ben-Shalom's
contention that prejudicial attitudes
towards gay people formed the basis for
the Army's regulation, but went on to
hold: "There no doubt is prejudice
against homosexuals both in and out of
the Army. That possibility may be abating to a degree. However, the Army
should not be required by the court to
assume the risk . . . that accepting admitted homosexuals into the armed forces
might imperil morale, discipline, and the
effectiveness of our fighting forces ."
Finally, the Court held that the legal
standard of review to decide on whether
Ben-Shalom, as a lesbian, was denied
equal protection und~r the law by the
Army's regulation was a "deferential"
one, because "if homosexual conduct
may constitutionally be criminalized
[under Hardwick], then homosexuals
do not constitute a suspect or quasisuspect class entitled to greater than
rational basis scrutiny for equal protection purposes." Applying this deferential
standard, the Court found that "the new
regulation ... clearly promotes a legitimate government interest sufficient to
survive rational basis scrutiny."
The decision in Ben-Shalom's case is a
setback for lesbian and gay activists
working to secure the right to serve in the
military. "We had hoped to find relief in
this decision for service members who
face witchhunts and prosecutions simply
for being gay or lesbian; instead we find
judicial prejudice," said Hyde.
Hyde noted that the Gay & Lesbian
Military Freedom Project Coalition,
which NGLTF spearheads, will continue
to pursue a Congressional strategy to
overturn the anti-gay /lesbian military
policy. Hyde also noted NGLTF's plans
to hold a Military Freedom demonstration at the White House on November
10. The Gay and Lesbian Military Freedom Project is a joint project of NGLTF,
the National Organization for Women,
Women's Equity Action League, National Lawyers Guild Military Law Task
Force, ACLU Gay and Lesbian Rights
Project, Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, and Citizen Soldier.
•

by Sondra Metzger
People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals is presenting a one-day seminar
in Oklahoma City for "the beginning
animal rights activist." It will be held on
Sept. 23, 1989, from 8 :30 a.m. to 5
p .m ., with a free vegan lunch included.
The cost is $20. For more information
and a registration form , call PETA at
( 301) 770-7444 before Sept. 8 . . . .
the Quilt is scheduled to be displayed
October 6 - 8, 1989, in Washington,
D .C . This will be the last time the entire
quilt will be displayed due to its size.
Sections of the Quilt will continue to
tour and be displayed. All Quilt panels
that were received at the NAMES
Project by Aug . 1, 1989, will be
included in this display. A brochure is
available at Herland if you would like to
volunteer to be a part of this event .. ..
if you would like to join the Episcopal
Women's Caucus, write to P.O. Box
5172, Laurel, MD 20707 .. ..

T

he Examiner has just concluded an
unprecedented 16-part feature on gays
in America. More than 60 Examiner staff
members contributed to this series,
talking to thousands of people in the Bay Area
and across the country . This important report
studied gay Americans, American society and
their uneasy intersection. In every major aspect
of our culture, "Gay in America" revealed how
gay and straight attitudes are changing as we
approach the 90s.
For a limited time, we're making available
this extraordinary work as a special reprint
package. Each is a full sixty-four pages, printed
flexographically (the ink won't come off on your
fingers). Every reprint comes with a bonus: the
original 13~ x 23-inch poster used to promote
the series. Cost for the reprint and poster
together (sorry, they're not available separately)
is $5.00. This covers our costs for processing,
postage and same-day shipping when we receive
your order. The Examiner makes no profit on
sales of these reprints.
Quantities are limited; order soon.

ACHE, the Black Lesbian Newsletter, is
still being published. For information,
write ACHE, P.O. Box 6071, Atlanta,
GA94706 ....
a 13-month black and white calendar
entitled "Take Back The Night" is
available from Full Womoon, P.O . Box
1205, Santa Cruz, CA 95061. Cost is
$11.50. The 11 x 17 hanging wall
calendar contains works of artists and
writers from diverse cultural experiences ....
the San Francisco Examiner is making
their 64 -page series, "Gay In America,''
available for everyone to purchase. The
order form can be found within the
pages of this issue of the Herland Voice.
'
The Examiner has granted us one-timeonly reprinting rights, so we will be
featuring parts of the series in this and
upcoming issues of the newsletter. It is
unfortunate that we lack sufficient
space to run the whole series as it
appeared over a period of 16 days in the
Examiner.

Examiner "Gay in America"
Reprint Offer
I'd lik<' tn orcirr rrprint.(")/pol'ltr(~) KK fnllow1"1 :

O Send me_rcprtnt./po!\t.f'r KCl!i@ Sri.on• ra<' h.
N a m e - - - - - - - - -- - -- Addre••
Apt._
City
Stato-Zip _ _
P h o n e - - - - - - - -- - -- -OSend _reprint/po•ter ••t•@Sh .00" 1'a<'h ••my ~irt
to:
Addres.·-----------~Apt. _

City

Statr.___.Zip_

_

P h o n e - - - - - - - -- - - -CitY --------~S·t.afl•_Zip _

_

Payment:
0 My c h<"ck 111 rnc lnM'd, pH)'Hblr lo Sf" EXAMINF.R. (To
exJ)f'dil<'. plra!liit' tW' !'Urf' lornf'losf•ju.~t Ont' dll'c 'k for l ht• l ol;i l n(

a ll MtM1v1• nrd•·r~)
my O MllST1:11r.111m

OCh.r~r

Card i - - - - -

0 VIS!\

- - - -- -- -- - -

EJ(plration d at e ? - 1Signature _ __ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ __

Mail your order to:

Gay in Amrrita Hcprinl
!143 II ow a rd Str"''' #3114
San t'randsco, CA R4 I03

~anJrancisco ffxaminer

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

5

If you haven't registered for the retre

WoRKsaops
Orientee .
A.Cring Race
.
.A.
Sign La
Wardrob C nguage
A e olor Plan .
.
Me t•
n1ng
SPtritual .A.
S
e ing
undayG
p
atherin
oetry
g

'

I

'V

/

ALL THIS IN JUS

6

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

t, here's what you'll be missing!
I

''II'

NE WEEKEND!

I
I

I
HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

7

IF YOU STILL WANT TO REGISTER,
CALL LAURA TODAY AT 405-672-4141.

~J

(

WISTER

\

_O ----

/

8

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

Sisters,

Letters to the Editor
Greetings!

I am writing to tell you about my latest
project, a tape of music about the experience of and recovery process from sexual
assault. As you may know, I have been
writing this music since 1985 and decided
within the last year to focus on performing
and recording it.
My goals with what I call my "survivor
music" is to provide a healing tool for survivors and those helping survivors with the
healing process-shelter workers, rape crisis
workers, therapists and others. My second
goal is to raise the public's awareness of the
issues of violence and the threat of violence
we face in everyday life.
My desire is to offer music that can bring
comfort, hope and truth to many people
who have experiences they feel they cannot
put into words.
Working on projects such as this can be
an intense and lonely experience. After
feeling the powerful response to this music,
I feel it is a project that needs immediate
action. Because I have put my own resources into promotion and production in most
recent years, I am also in need of your
financial support. It is amazing how big a
difference even a small contribution can
make.

I believe this music needs to reach as
many people as possible, as soon as possible. All of the music is written and ready to
be recorded. Your support can take it into
the studio!
To contribute, you may make a financial
contribution; however, because I am not a
nonprofit institution, your contribution is
not tax deductible. You may ask colleagues
who share the same interest in sexual abuse
to contribute, or you may purchase one of
my current recordings. Daylight is a tape
of original instrumental music. By Request Only is a vocal tape featuring original compositions.
If your contribution is $150 or more, you
will be listed as a contributor on the tape
cover and will receive one free copy of the
final product. If your donation is between
$50 and $150, you will receive one free
copy of the final product.
No matter what kind of support you
have to offer, I trust that you will spread the
word about this project, and I thank you for
your cooperation, your recognition of my
talent and your appreciation. Just as you
carry my music with you, I carry you with
me. Thanks for listening!

Please include us on your subscribers
mailing list. A kind soul gave us a back
issue. We devoured it. Now, we crave more.
Thank you for your efforts.
(from Shawn~e. Oklahoma)

~

- - - - - - -

- - -

-

-

--

1 0 YESI I want to be a Friend of Herland. My minimum
donation of $12 allows me use of the Herland Library and
a 10% discount on store purchases over the next 12
months. (My $12 is enclosed.)

I
I
I
I
II

1

D YES 1 I want to he lp Herland with a donation to the

New Building Fund.
D $15
D $50

D $20
D $100

I
I
I
I

D $25
0 $_ _

D Bookstore volunteer D Building volunteer

Name - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - :Address _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

I

City _ _ _ _ _ _ _ SL__ZIP_ _

I

Telephone Number: (

I
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Mail to:

Herland Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
,

- - - - - - - - - - - - , t_ -

I

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I

Nancy Day
(NOTE: Daylight and By Request
Only are available at Her land. - Ed.)

GAV IN AMERICA SERIES
DEFINITIONS
The following are a list of definitions
whose history might surprise even the
most knowledgeable gay or lesbian.
GAY -

homosexual. In the 17th century, the
word gay went beyond its original meaning of
happy to include men who were playboys. By
the next century, it was applied to women
with promiscuous reputations. By the early
20th century, it had been adopted by homosexuals to refer to themselves. Since 1970, the
word has gained acceptance as a standard,
nonslang, nonpejorative synonym for homosexuality.

LESBIAN -

a woman attracted to women. It
derives from the isle of Lesbos, where the
ancient Greek poet and teacher, Sappho,
established a school for girls about 580 B.C.
As Sappho became known for her poetry
celebrating love between women, the term
"lesbian" evolved from the meaning "one
who lives on Lesbos" to "a woman like
Sappho and her followers."

HOMOSEXUAL - a person who is attracted
to people of the same sex. Karl Maria
Kertbeny coined the term in 1869 in a pamphlet arguing for the repeal of Prussia's antihomosexual laws. U.S. Medical journals
adopted the term in the 1890's, and it filtered
into general use in the 1920s.

HETEROSEXUAL - a person who is attracted
(most of the time) to people of the opposite
sex. The word came into being after the
introduction of the word homosexual.

DYKE - originally a 19th century slang word
referring to male clothing. When first used in
reference to women, it carried a derogatory
connotation of masculine appearance or
behavior. While the masculine connotation
often remains, many lesbians have adopted
the term, thus reducing the negative nuance.

FAGGOT -

a male homosexual. Originally a
term of derision, it has been adopted by many
of those to w horn it refers. Experts disagree
over the word's origin. Some suggest it derives
from FAG, a British schoolboy term for a
younger student required to perform menial
tasks for an older student.

/
LAVEND ER -

is the color most often associated with being gay, because it is the combination of colors traditionally representing male
and female-blue and pink.

LADSLOVE -

19th century poets used this
plant as a symbol of homosexuality.

CALAMUS -

a plant used by poet Walt
Whitman to symbolize homoerotic love.

LABYRIS -

a double-bladed ax that is the
symbol of lesbianism often used in jewelry.
Appearing in mythological times as a scepter
for the Amazon goddess Demeter (Artemis) ,
scholars speculate the ax may have been used
in battle by female Scythian warriors, who
adopted it when male priests overtook the
goddess' shrine at Delphi.
San Francisco Examiner
Reprinted with permission

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

9

MOM, l'M IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN. l'M GAY.
By Jacqui Tully
I was 24. An adult. And a mess of an
adult, too, skidding precariously toward
panic. And why not - my mother sat
calmly across from me, scrutinizing my
spice rack while I prepared to change her
life by telling her I was gay. It was 1974.
"Mom, you know Jeanette. Remember her?"
"Of course I do . She's sweet, but too
thin ."
"Mom, I'm in love with her. I'm gay."
The blood drained from her face and
all I recall was a blur of red lipstick and
two blazing green eyes. She stared at me .
The daughter of Polish immigrants, my
mother has always been heroic in a crisis,
and I would see her straining to say
something to mask the pain I knew she
felt.
She cleared her throat. "You're out of
tarragon."
That conversation took place 15 years
ago . But we haven't had a meaningful
conversation about my homosexuality
since then. Or should I say, yet. She has
welcomed my lovers into her home and I
always try to talk freely about my life, but
we have never discussed how she feels
about having a lesbian for a daughter.
She has never acknowledged how
much she actually reveals to her friends
about her middle child's life. My life. I
strongly suspect that they know very
little and I'll tell you why: My mother has
three aces up her sleeve - two other
daughters, both married, and one granddaughter.
I've never felt I could help her with the
private hardships I am certain she has
struggled with because of my homosexuality. If my mother experiences guilt
over a soggy potato pancake, you can be
certain she suffers through sleepless
nights, wondering how she did "this" to
me. Still, we never really talked. Had we,
the fact of my sexuality might seem more
real. Who needed that?
I have been grateful to have escaped
the real horror that can occur when gays
reveal their sexuality to parents. My
mother didn't disown me . Nor did she
sink into an intractable depression .
No . We were a pretty ordinary gay
kid/ shocked parent: truth followed by
silence followed by years of strained
cordiality.

And so, without ever speaking of it, we
both did what we thought would preserve the connection. We avoided "it."
Unfortunately, "it" was the fabric and
heartbeat of my life.
Much later, avoidance turned to anger,
but I still believe even the freest gay
people move through the world with a
reserve that springs from these early
fears. We learn to travel the gray zone of
the untruth with the best of them.
We must always work to be free, but
we will never be entirely fearless .
This notion embraces the almost
constant conflicts gays face : the yearning
to be honest vs. the fear of reprisal; the
longing for approval battling the need to
be ourselves; and, the resignation we feel
because of the self-consciousness of
being gay.
Years back, when I took my first
newspaper job in a smaller city back East,
I interviewed a woman for a story about a
local art museum. A vivacious talker
with two young kids and a prominent
lawyer husband, Barbara soon asked if I
were single or married. Single, I told her,
even though I had been living with
Norma for several years.
Within two w~eks Barbara was calling
me regularly, trying to "fix me up." I
became so exasperated I sank deeper into
the convenient untruth.
"Well, actually, Barbara, I am involved
with someone. I mean, I am single, but
I'm tied up."
"Oh, what's his name?" she asked
quickly, and I, panicking, replied,
"Norman."
"Well then," Barbara cheerfully sang
out, "why don't you and Norman come
to dinner Friday night?"
Part of geing gay is being covert, even
when secrecy is merely a bad habit rather
than a necessity. The problem is, you
cannot predict how people will respond.
Sometimes you don't know whether
you're being careful, cowardly or reasonable.
When my nine-year relationship with
Norma ended, I plunged into a state of
emotional devastation. Still living in the
house, Norma grew so worried that she
packed me into the car and drove me to
my internist's office.
He bustled into the examining room

where Norma and I were sitting. What
was wrong, he asked?
"My lover broke up with me. It's been
nine years. I've been drinking and taking
pills and I feel very frightened and
unstable."
lnsinctively, he began taking my pulse.
He said, "I'd like to see him in?"
"He is in,'' I answered dully. "That's
him behind you in the blue dress."
What struck me most about the
moment was this: For seven years I had
let this kind man press a cold stethoscope
to my chest while I confided my worst
medical fears to him, but I had never told
him I was gay. I was afraid to. Not
seriously afraid. But seriously hesitant.
Humans learn, early on, to view homosexuality with either terror or disdain.
We can and do unlearn these unsuitable
lessons, but we can't always predict when
caution will be replaced by confidence.
After moving here, I started ~brking
with a remarkable man, a man you.could
tell anything. Yet I didn't tell him I was
gay because I have never been able to
figure out how you ease your sexuality
into a job interview.
Several weeks into the job, we were
working on a big case and he needed help
in New York.
The night I arrived, he took me to
dinner. Over a bottle of wine and a
pleasant conversation, he casually mentioned that his wife hap wondered if I
were single or married. I jumped in and
told him I was gay. He responded with
characteristic kindness. It was a kindness
we sometimes don't welcome. It can be
condescending, a form of dismissal. With
my boss this time, it was simply a relief.
Later, as we grew closer, and I was
completely relaxed with him, we would
sometimes find ourselves watching the
same beautiful woman walk down the
street, then laugh as we realized what we
were thinking. The point is: Our gayness
invades all corners of our lives. We never
forget what we are.
Ultimately, big issues disguise themselves as small nuisances and frustrations.
A friend recalled standing off to the
side at a wedding while the bride and
groom fed each other cake. "Both o f
their families stood near them, clapping
wildly. I just can't imagine what .t
continued on next pa1 e

10

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

continued from previous page

would be like having the world drown
in my happiness ."
When I don't hold hands with my
lover in the grocery store, the issue isn't
how much I can display affection
publicly. It's freedom. My freedom . I
don't have as much of it as heterosexuals do.
I sometimes watch men and women
standing on a street comer, kissing. I
love these moments; they're wildly
romantic. But it reminds me I am not as
spontaneous in the same situation.
A wise old friend once told me that
happiness consists of being perfectly
satisfied with what we have got and
with what we haven't got. Gays may
best understand the paradox in that
remark: Our liberation triggers a kind
of imprisonment-the subtle constrictions of homophobia. If we can break
that chain reaction, we may be liberated.
People wonder: why are gay people
gay? I don't know. Two women once
told me they were gay after watching
"Peter Pan." Another friend said she
simply had never fallen out of love with
Donna Reed . The truth about these
moments is that we have been asked to
justify them since the moment we articulated them.
My demarcation point arrived weeks
after I graduated from college. I h ad
never once thought I was gay. I had
never said the word " lesbian" out loud.
I took a trip with my best friend . On
the first night we slept in the same bed,
in a dusty motel in the middle of the
New Mexico desert. It was too hot to
breathe. In the middle of that still night
I became so aware of my friend 's presence I could not sleep. I had no idea
why.
The next night we slept in the same
bed in her brother's house in Colorado.
When we woke up that morning, we
couldn't look at each other, though
nothing had happened. I was bewildered
and frightened. That day, as we drove
from Denver through the Midwest, I
leaned over and put my hand on her
face . I experienced a kind of joy I had
never felt before. And I knew my life
had changed forever. Though I had lost
my place in the world, I was free.
Tully is a free-lance writer in San
Francisco.

ANNOUNCES
ANNUAL FALL RETREAT
September 1 - 4, Lake Wister State Park

FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEO
September 8, 7:30 p.m. - "The Accused"

BOARD MEETING
September 17, 4:30 p.m. - Resource Center

FRIDAY NIGHT VIDEO
September 22, 7:30 p.m. - "The Women of Brewster Place,
Part I"

I

I

'V

VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION MEETING
August 20, 2:00 p.m. - Resource Center

HERLAND OPEN WEDNESDAY NIGHTS
Continuing through September at 6:30 p.m.

THE RESOURCE CENTER ON 39TH STREET
WILL BE CLOSED LABOR DAY WEEKEND DUE
TO THE ANNUAL FALL RETREAT AT LAKE
WISTER STATE PARK.
I
HERLAND CENTER IS NOW OPEN:
SATURDAYS 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.
SUNDAYS 1 p.m. - 6 p.m.
HERLAND BOARD MEETINGS ARE HELD THE 3RD
SUNDAY OF EVERY MONTH AT 2312 N.W. 39TH
4:30 p.m.

Designs With Lettering
Custom Signs and Lettering

359-1900
HSR would like to thank the women of OWL for their generous
donations of signs for our new building.

Reprinted with permission from the San Francisco Examiner

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

11

Classifieds

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Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
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"Stress Management"
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CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY

5~11\1 Dlcvitts

525-5907
P. 0 Box 5119
Norman, Okla . 73070

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321-2148

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MEETS THURSDAYS, 7:30 P.M .
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MAILING ADDRESS

PRINTING INC.
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DANNY

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MASSAGE THERAPIST

360-6945

HSR, SEPTEMBER, 1989

" Portable"
massage
table
available
for your
convenience.

SHIR L EY M. HUNTER, M.A.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR

Emphasis on the problems of gay people.
PENN PAF\K OFFICE COMPLEX o SUITE 102
5009 N PENNSYLVANIA o OKLAHOMA CITY. OK 73112