extracted text

Serving the womyn’s
community
since 1983

Herland Voice

volume thirty-one number three

www.herlandsisters.org

October 2013

Fall Retreat
Eufaula State Park, Eufaula, OK

November 1 - 3, 2013
Protecting Oklahoma Families
and Partnerships
in Same-Sex Relationships
by Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W.

Lesbians and gay men create families, both with and without children.
Like all families, those involving same-sex relationships fret over what
will happen when one partner dies, or (heaven forbid) the couple breaks
up. Unlike other families, those involving same-sex relationships in
Oklahoma have precious few legal safeguards at this time.
Without a relationship recognized by Oklahoma law (biological
parenthood, adoption or legal marriage), at least one of the partners is
often treated as a virtual stranger. Questions involving property division,
inheritance, child custody, child support, and child visitation will be
answered by looking at strict legal entitlement, birth certificates, marriage
licenses, divorce documents and adoption papers. The emotions of
sadness and betrayal are heightened as families are forced to navigate the
nightmares of death and divorce without legal process.
Partners can do something! Key is being honest about
the nature of the relationship. Then a series of legal
documents can be crafted to specify what the couple wants
to happen when the inevitable occurs. Be proactive! Seek
the advice of an attorney and make sure you have done all
you can do to protect your family.
Depending on each specific situation documents might include the
following possibilities:
Wills or Trusts (to distribute property at death)
Affidavits (specifying desires, such as cremation)
Partnership Agreements (laying out financial agreements, payment of
household expenses, impact on ownership)
Co-Parenting Agreements (laying out each partner’s commitment to a
child; specifying custody, visitation and support agreements)
Powers-of-Attorney (allowing partners to take care of each other’s
financial affairs, allowing the non-legal parent to exercise some parental
rights such as consenting for a child’s medical care, or allowing partners
to consent to each other’s medical care)
Assignment of Rights to Make Final Arrangements (ensuring a partner
the right to decide how and when their partner’s remains will be handled)
Joint Ownership or Transfer on Death Provisions (creating title or
ownership in a manner which transfers property by law at the death of one
partner without any court involvement)
Continued on page 7.

Are you ready for a weekend full of relaxation, great friends,
mystery, good food, and tons-o-fun? Well, you’re in luck! Make
plans now to attend The Herland Fall Retreat at Lake Eufaula
State Park (formerly Fountainhead) on November 1-3, 2013.
Now, it’s easier than ever to register! You can send in the
registration form and your check via snail mail (you can also
download this article and registration form from
www.herlandsisters.org), or you can register on-line at
www.herlandretreat.weebly.com and pay with a credit card, or you
can call (405) 550-2312 to register and then pay at the door.
This retreat will be PACKED FULL of fun events,
including: A Friday Night Game Extravaganza, a
yummy supper of regular and vegetarian soups with
bread, and of course…the campfire!
Jean will be leading a workshop entitled “Take &
Make” Fishing Lures. If you would like to learn how to make your
very own fishing lures, please try to bring at least five twist-off
bottle caps (If you use an opener, try not to bend the cap.). The type
of caps needed are fluted around the edge and are metal; no plastic
or screw-off caps. The rest of the materials and instruction will be
provided.
Have You Ever Wanted to “Test-Drive” a Tattoo? Well, this
is your chance! Instructor Jennifer Manning Cinocco has been a
Henna Tattoo Artist for over 15 years. This will be a basic
workshop on mixology of henna, basic cone
Continued on page 3.

A Little More Peace in Your Life?
If you are looking for peace, then join us on
Saturday, November 9, from 10:00 a.m. until 4:00
p.m. at the 2013 Peace Festival held at the Civic
Center Music Hall, in the Hall of Mirrors.
Herland will have a table among many groups
celebrating peace with most offering lots of
items for early holiday shopping! Stop by the
Herland table and flash us the peace sign!∆

The Herland Voice is a publication of Herland Sister Resources, 2312 NW 39th Street, OKC, OK 73112. Our bookstore/lending
library is open the first and third Saturdays from 1-5 p.m., but please call before you come by just to be sure we are open.
Call us at (405) 521-9696 or e-mail us at herland@herlandsisters.org. Visit us on the web at www.herlandsisters.org. ∆

SUPPER CLUB DATES

EVENTS AT A GLANCE—

October 12—Hollie's Flatiron Steakhouse, 1199 South I-35

Service Rd, Moore, @ 5:30 p.m.
November 9—The Shack Seafood and Oyster Bar, 13801
Quail Pointe Dr, OKC, @ 5:30 p.m.
December14—Potluck & Dirty Santa Party @ HSR 6 p.m.
January 1—Open House and Potluck @ HSR 1-5 p.m.

October
Tuesday 8th Special Elections in some areas
Saturday 12th Supper Club at Hollie's Flatiron Steakhouse
Monday 14th Columbus Day/Celebrate Indigenous People
Sunday 20th 4 p.m. HSR Board Meeting
Thursday 31st Halloween

If you have a restaurant to suggest for a future Herland
Supper Club, please e-mail us at herland@
herlandsisters.org. We welcome your ideas.∆

November

Annual Herland Holiday Potluck/
Dirty Santa Party Planning

Friday-Sunday 1st-3rd Retreat at Eufaula State Park
Friday 1st All Saints’ Day
Saturday 9th Supper Club at The Shack Seafood & Oyster Bar
Saturday 9th Peace Fest @ Civic Center Music Hall of Mirrors
Monday 11th Veterans’ Day
Tuesday 12th Special Elections in some areas
Sunday 17th 4 p.m. HSR Board Meeting
Thursday 28th Thanksgiving & Hanukkah

Come join your Herland Sisters on December 14th at 6:00
p.m. for an evening of holiday fun and feasting. Everyone is
encouraged to bring a covered dish to share, as well as a
wrapped gift worth no more than $12 to exchange during
“Dirty Santa.” This is a long-standing tradition at Herland,
and every year is a blast! This party takes the place of our
monthly Supper Club meeting for December and is the last
big event of 2013.∆

December
Saturday 14th 6:00 p.m. Potluck and Dirty Santa Party
Sunday 15th 4 p.m. HSR Board Meeting
Wednesday 25th Christmas Day
Thursday 26th Boxing Day
Tuesday 31 New Year’s Eve

New Year’s Day Open House
Herland’s tradition of a New Year’s Day Open House
continues. Start off 2014 by visiting Herland to enjoy
fellowship and food to help you start the new year off right!
This come-and-go affair starts at 1:00 p.m. and lasts until
5:00 p.m. Following tradition, board members will provide
black-eyed peas (both carnivorous and vegetarian),
colcannon (a traditional Irish cabbage/potato dish), and
cornbread. Please bring a sidedish or a dessert to share.
Don’t miss our first gathering of 2014!∆

January 2014
Wednesday 1st 1-5 p.m. New Year’s Day Open House/Potluck

Next Year’s Events:
Spring Retreat 2014—May
Fall Retreat 2014—October

Cimarron Alliance Equality Center
Lists Weekly Events
Beginning in September, the Center will
provide a listing of all events coming up at
the Cimarron Alliance Equality Center for
the upcoming week. The staff are thrilled
with the way the community is responding to
the Center and are happily adding new programs, services,
groups, and events each month (Contact Cimarron Alliance
scott@cimarronalliance.org to get on the list.). Look
through each week's listings and join a meeting when you
can! Thoughts, ideas, and suggestions for more
opportunities at your community center are also welcome.
The Cimarron Alliance Equality Center at 5613 N May
Ave, Ste 400, Oklahoma City, OK 73112, is in the center of
Oklahoma, the center of Oklahoma City, and can become
the center for your activities!∆

The Voice is published quarterly by Herland Sister
Resources, Inc., 2312 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, OK
73112, and is offered as an open forum for community discourse.
Articles reflect the opinions of the author and not necessarily
those of Herland Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and
letters to the editor are welcomed and must be signed by the
writer with full name and address. Upon request, letters or
articles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Herland reserves the right to edit or not publish any article. The
submission deadline is the 20th of every month. Subscriptions to
The Voice are free upon request although a donation is requested
to meet publication and distribution costs.∆
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Continued from page one . . .

Herland Fall Retreat
Eufaula State Park, Eufaula, OK
May 3 - 5, 2013

making, and how to use a cone. Included in the workshop will be all
the ingredients for making henna, cone making materials, and a
practice sheet for learning basic design lines.
Ready to learn “How to REALLY Fight Like a Girl”?
Oklahoma Boxing Celebrity and the National Native
American Boxing Lightweight Champion Lacey
"The Native Sweetheart" Crawford will demonstrate
and teach a simple self-defense workshop on
Saturday!
Crafty Cuties, Ariel & Holly, will be back again, this time to
show us how to make bracelets, using hemp! They will also bring
an assortment of handmade Fimo (polymer clay) beads to adorn our
new bracelets, for a small fee.
Some of you may remember Rose’s 18+ stimulating “sex-full”
workshop from last fall’s retreat. We had so much fun that she’ll be
back again!
Our Saturday Night Entertainment will feature… YOU! We’ll
be having our very own Murder Mystery entitled “Cruising for
Murder”! There are about 20 spots for those of you that want to be
IN the mystery, and we’ll need a great audience for those
who wish to just sit back and watch the fun unravel. If
you would like to participate in the show, please
indicate so on your registration if you mail it in, or call
(405) 550-2312 or e-mail SAHatwork@aol.com if
you register online. Once we have the 20 actors

needed, we’ll call or e-mail you your part! IT WILL BE A HUGE
HELP IF YOU CAN TELL US IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE IN THE
CAST OR PART OF THE AUDIENCE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
This should be REALLY fun, and we hope that EVERYONE will
participate in this new event! Remember--you’ll NEVER find a
more supportive group than Herland Retreaters, so step out of the
box and make your magic happen!
If you have never been to a Herland Retreat, you owe it to
yourself to give it a try! Whether you come solo or with friends, are
a certified camper or city grrrl, or come from near or far, it’s a
perfect, affordable opportunity to meet new friends, catch up with
old friends, play board games and sports, hone your acting skills,
explore nature, create or learn something new at a workshop,
express your culinary skills at the Saturday evening
potluck, sing and tell stories around the campfire
or simply relax in an incredibly supportive
environment. Also, please remember to bring an
item or two for the raffle &/or silent auction. This
helps keep the costs of the weekend low for us all,
and helps to keep Herland here for us all!
Your registration fee includes lodging in a cabin, dinner on
Friday, scrumptious breakfast/brunch on Saturday and Sunday
mornings, Saturday evening Potluck Dinner (bring or plan on
making a dish to “wow” your fellow campers), all workshops and
group camp activities, and the Saturday Night Murder Mystery!

The Herland Retreat is whatever we make it. Make it magical and memorable!
~ ~ This will be the only article and registration you’ll receive (via mail) before the retreat. So…do yourself a favor and register now, while
you’re thinking about it! To register, just mail back the registration form with your check, OR register on-line at
www.herlandretreat.weebly.com, OR call (405) 550-2312 and pay at the door. Visit our website at www.herlandsisters.org where you can print
off a map of how to get to Lake Eufaula State Park, a map of the campgrounds and where the Herland group camp is, and find out lots of other
information like what you’ll want to bring, etc. Deadline for pre-registration is October 25.∆

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Herland Fall Retreat 2013 Registration
Eufaula State Park, Eufaula, OK during November 1-3, 2013
Deadline for pre-registration is October 25. Please return registration form and check to:
Herland Sister Resources, 2312 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, OK 73112.

Name(s): ___________________________________________________________________________________________________
E-mail: ________________________________________________________
Address: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________
City: __________________________ State: _________ Zip: _____________Phone: _______________________________________

I want to be an Actor or Audience Member for
Saturday Night’s Murder Mystery! (please circle one)

Total Registration Fee $___________ enclosed.

( ) I’m enclosing an additional $ __________ to help provide scholarships.
( ) I’m bringing ______ children (Girls of all ages and boys under age 10 are welcome.).
( ) I’m bringing ______ dogs that will be kept on leashes at all times, and I will sign a waiver stating I am completely responsible
for any injury or damage caused by my dog(s).
( ) I have a disability and need the following if possible: _______________________________________________________________
Sliding Scale Registration Fee (for the entire weekend for each person) — Annual Income PER PERSON
● under $13,300
$40
● All Day Saturday
● $13,300-$30,000
$55
OR
● Saturday Evening Only
● over $30,000
$70

3

$30
$15

Editorial

Forgiveness by J.R.
I have a friend who plays poker—not just casually but seriously, week-ends and tournaments and
out-of-state trips. After many years, she’s still ahead in the profit column, so I guess she’s fairly good.
She was talking with me about her fascination with the game. “After I played for a few months, it
occurred to me that poker is like life: you have to make decisions based on incomplete information.”
Most of you know how Texas Hold’em works. You receive two cards, face down, and based on
those two cards you make your first decision—to stay in the game or not to play that hand. After
betting, the dealer puts out three cards, face up. Decision time again, more betting; the dealer puts out
another card and, after the bets are laid, the final card is dealt.
All this time you are weighing the options (assuming that you are playing this hand) based on not only what cards you are
holding but also on the cards that are showing and what you think the other players are holding. Parenting, relationships,
careers…they’re all poker hands. You make decisions based on what you know—but you have only a partial view of the
picture. You don’t know what is coming or how others will react. The picture fills out some as the game goes on, and even
when you finally have access to the dealer’s face-up cards, you still do not know what others are thinking or planning. You
do your best to make the right decision, but it is based on incomplete information.
Many of us are blaming others or ourselves for “bad hands.” I’ve often thought about what the moderator said in a 12-step
group years ago: “Looking back on childhood, we can see the mistakes our parents made, and some of us hold on to
bitterness we feel toward them; but to grow, to heal, we must forgive and accept that they did their best in terms of their
personalities and circumstances.”
We look back on failed relationships, tragedies or set-backs with the blurred vision of “What if’s and “If only’s” and
“Should have/could have’s”; but whatever led up to those misfortunes, we and the other players were making decisions based
on incomplete information—doing our best with the hand we were dealt and our assumptions or hopes about the final results.
It’s also true that “our best” is not always synonymous with “wisest” or “kindest” because it is human nature to protect our
own investment.
Life can deal really bad hands. Win or lose, we have done our best with the incomplete information available. A loss is
not our failure but the interaction of circumstances we cannot totally control or anticipate. We can control some of the cards
we choose to play: regrets and anger are terrible cards that keep us from making wise decisions in Life’s games.
Accepting that all of us do or have done our best with incomplete information makes forgiveness possible….and forgiveness
is a great healer.∆

AAUW OKC Branch Recognized

Oklahoma Women
Veterans’ Recognition Day

The American Association of University Women (AAUW)
empowers women and girls through advocacy, education,
philanthropy, and research. This nonpartisan, nonprofit
organization has more than 150,000 members and
supporters across the United States, as well as 1,000 local
branches and 700 college and university partners. Since
AAUW's founding in 1881, our members have examined and
taken positions on the fundamental issues of the day —
educational, social, economic, and political.
AAUW advances equity for women and girls, paving the
way for women to pursue their goals. AAUW has been in
the forefront of the battles for civil rights, education, and
reproductive rights. Membership is open to males and
females who have a college degree or are currently seeking
a college degree. Through branch membership,
opportunities are open for activism and helping to develop
programs that promote education and equity, not just for
women and girls but for the entire community. Members
can enhance their leadership skills and can take advantage
of numerous benefit programs, as well as network with
women in the OKC area, the state, and the nation.
To learn about the new branch in south Oklahoma City,
contact the branch president, Jessica Martinez-Brooks, at
(405) 682-7859, Fax (405) 682-7848, www.occc.edu/coe ∆

All women who have served, or are
currently serving, are invited to attend an annual
Oklahoma Women Veterans’ Recognition Day
event which will be held October 25-26 in Tulsa,
OK, at the Wyndham Hotel this year.
This annual day-long event is free to
resident Oklahoma women veterans and women
who are currently serving. A light continental
breakfast in the morning will be available and a
luncheon later in the day, as well as a hospitality room at the hotel
the evening before the event. In addition to some notable guest
speakers, a memorial service and the naming of the Oklahoma
Woman Veteran of the year are scheduled into the event besides a
silent auction and door prizes. Reservations for the event are
appreciated. Guests are welcome for a nominal fee. Registration
forms and more information may be obtained by contacting Pam
Bloustine @ pamokwm@aol.com or at www.okwvo.org (website
for the Oklahoma Women Veterans Organization OKWVO, a 501
(c)(19) non-profit War Veterans Service Organization).
Oklahoma Women Veterans Organization holds its regular
meetings in the Sunny Lane Family Reception Center, 3900 SE
29th St, Del City, OK, (also where the Catholic War Veterans
meet). OKWVO meets from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on the 3rd
Saturday in the months of February, April, June, August, October,
and December.∆
4

please contact our Alumnae Chairman, Pat, at
p.wimberley@cox.net or Council staffperson, Julie, at
First, the Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma Alumnae Association, jbohannon@gswestok.org.
a group of dedicated Girl Scouts alumnae, truly are committed to
Next, GS Cornerstone, a young professionals group of Girl
ensuring current Girl Scouts learn the essentials of scouting,
Scouts Western Oklahoma (ages 40 and younger), is dedicated to
including traditions, safety training, camping techniques, and more. making a difference in the lives of girls. GS Cornerstone started the
The Alumnae Association also participates in
council's first Gold Award Scholarship Fund to recognize young
networking engagements, volunteer opportunities,
women who have earned the highest honor awarded to a Girl
and special events, including the Alumnae Annual
Scout—the Gold Award. GS Cornerstone participates in exclusive
Meeting, the Juliette Low Leadership Society
networking events, leadership opportunities, professional
Luncheon, and the Alumnae Tea. A newsletter from development seminars, volunteer activities tailored to young
this very active Alumnae group offers updates and professionals, and special events such as Cookies & Cocktails. If
lists opportunities, as well as invites all GS alumnae you wish to view their scheduled events or receive additional
to be involved! If you want to get involved or if
information about GS Cornerstone, e-mail:
you have any questions about the alumnae group,
GSCornerstone@gswestok.org.∆

Two Activities for Adult Girl Scouts

Flag Etiquette: Federal law stipulates many

aspects of flag etiquette. The section of law
dealing with American Flag etiquette is generally
referred to as the Flag Code. Some general
guidelines from the Flag Code answer many of the
most common questions:
The flag should be lighted at all times, either
by sunlight or by an appropriate light source.
· The flag should be flown in fair weather,
unless the flag is designed for inclement weather
use.
· The flag should never be dipped to any person
or thing. It is flown upside down only as a distress
signal.
· The flag should not be used for any decoration
in general. Bunting of blue, white and red stripes is
available for these purposes. The blue stripe of the
bunting should be on the top.
· The flag should never be used for
any advertising purpose. It
should not be embroidered,
printed or otherwise
impressed on such articles
as cushions, handkerchiefs,
napkins, boxes, or anything
intended to be discarded after temporary use.
Advertising signs should not be attached to the
staff or halyard.
· The flag should not be used as part of a
costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag
patch may be used on the uniform of military
personnel, fireman, policeman and members of
patriotic organizations.
· The flag should never have any mark, insignia,
letter, word, number, figure, or drawing of any kind
placed on it, or attached to it.
· The flag should never be used for receiving,
holding, carrying, or delivering anything.
· When the flag is lowered, no part of it should
touch the ground or any other object; it should be
received by waiting hands and arms. To store the
flag it should be folded neatly and ceremoniously.
· The flag should be cleaned and mended when
necessary.
· When a flag is so worn it is no longer fit to
serve as a symbol of our country, it should be
destroyed by burning in a dignified manner.
Read a more comprehensive set of flag
etiquette on the website for rules for display of the
American Flag.∆

Pinwheels Promote Peace
OKC joined the world in celebrating the International Day
of Peace at Oklahoma City University in Oklahoma City, OK,
on Friday, September 20, 2013. Students in OKC created
pinwheels to celebrate Oklahoma City’s 7th Annual
International Day of Peace and joined a global carnival promoting
harmony and goodwill in the world. Over a thousand pinwheels were
designed and decorated by students and community members throughout the
greater OKC area in preparation for the city’s large annual celebration of world
peace and harmony.
“In today’s world, peace needs to become more than just a word,” said
Respect Diversity Foundation representative and event organizer Joan Korenblit.
“Students are bombarded with television images, video games, and magazine
and newspaper articles that promote conflict and war.” As part of a global
collaboration, Korenblit teamed with Pinwheels For Peace--a Not For Profit
Organization using pinwheels to promote “whirled peace.”
As students created their pinwheels, they are asked to include their personal
thoughts and images relating to “peace” and answer the question: “Whom will
you make peace with?” Their pinwheels make a visual statement of their hope
for a kinder world and their personal contribution to being the change they want
to see. The first Peace Day was observed in September 1982.
“Through the Pinwheels for Peace Festival,” continued Korenblit, “we help
students create a public and visual statement about their feelings about war and
peace, tolerance and cooperation, harmony and unity. Our hope is to further
awaken our community to what the next generation is thinking.”
For more information, contact Joan Korenblit, Respect Diversity Foundation
at (405) 706-3828 or e-mail rdfrdf@cox.net or visit http://
www.pinwheelsforpeaceokc.org or www.facebook.com/pages/Pinwheels-forPeace-Oklahoma-City-Festival/147353361424.∆

Strong Women Needed for Board of Trustees
Herland needs more board members to help with the function of
our activities and the maintenance of community services. The duties
and responsibilities of leadership in the collective are outlined in the
by-laws; however, general members are asked to attend once-amonth meetings and give input on agenda topics and planned activities
(Leadership “sister” positions are not required.). To understand the collective design
of leadership, attendance at board meetings is encouraged for all volunteers and
interested community members. Our board meetings are the third Sunday of each
month at 4:00 p.m. usually lasting an hour and a half, frequently followed by some
sisterhood time afterwards at a restaurant. If you are a strong woman in the
community, we NEED you!∆

5

Improvements
Recommended for
Strip of 39th Street
A group of 39th Street business and
property owners have taken an interest in
improving the safety and attractiveness of the
area between NW 39th and NW 40th,
Pennsylvania and Youngs. Those concerned
have met a few times with City staff and
Councilperson Ed Shadid. In April, the City
hosted Dan Burden of the Walkable and
Livable Communities Institute for a
walkability assessment of the area. Three key
concerns identified were 1) Traffic is
unpredictable and often moves at higher than
desired speeds, 2) The area does not
encourage pedestrian and bicycle activity and
is potentially dangerous, and 3) The district
does not have a sense of place. Among the
recommendations made by Burden were to
put the road on “a diet” by removing one or
more lanes and converting part of the road to
bike lanes, add buffers between the travel
lanes and sidewalks, add trees, add crosswalks
in key areas, and add district markers at each
end of the Strip.
To begin this process,
the City is now soliciting
support for a proposed
street improvement. The
project would resurface and restripe 39th Street to two lanes and add bike
lanes on both sides and a crosswalk at the
Barnes intersection. The re-striping project
could start in a couple months and would help
address a few of the safety concerns on this
street. It could, for example, slow down the
traffic by narrowing the lane width and create
crosswalks to alert the drivers to buffer space
between cars and people. Working together as
stakeholders in this business district, along
with the City, will help position the area to
receive future funding for additional
improvements, such as better street lighting,
transit access, sidewalk repair, tree planting,
and district markers.∆

Oklahoma
GLBT Film Fest
OUT OK brings
back The GLBT Film
Festival in
2013 on November 15,
16, and 17 at the Circle
Cinema, 10 S Lewis,
Tulsa, OK 74104. Film
schedule to be announced.
For more information, contact
http://www.out-ok.com/ or 918-682-

What is the GL Sierrans?
The Sierra Club is the oldest and largest environmental organization in the country
with a mission to “Explore, Enjoy and Protect the Planet.” As of 2012, the Sierra Club
in Oklahoma City has a new section called the GL Sierrans. The GL Sierrans is the new
Gay and Lesbian section of the Sierra Club in Oklahoma. The purpose of the Gay and
Lesbian Sierrans is to involve the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered community
in conservation and environmental efforts by creating outdoor, social, and fun activist
opportunities for LGBT members of Sierra Club and the greater Oklahoma City
community.

History of the GL Sierrans
The GL Sierrans of Oklahoma is patterned after the Gay and
Lesbian Sierra Club Group in San Francisco that originated in 1986, as
well as the GL Sierrans Groups in Los Angeles and Denver, Colorado.
Kristy Larson, co-founder of Oklahoma’s GL Sierrans group, became
a Sierra Club member at age 15. She met her future partner in 1990
in Los Angeles in the Gay and Lesbian Sierra Club while on a
moonlight hike. They now have a beautiful 21-year-old daughter.
Larson contemplated starting the Oklahoma GL Sierrans when she
moved here from California, and the dream of doing so came true
when she approached co-founder and now chair of the new group, Charles
Shah, with the idea.
Shah had never been on a hike when he joined the group. “I had never
heard of the Sierra Club, nor had I ever been on a hike, but the idea of the group and the
objective behind creating this group made me whole-heartily support and back it.”
Shah and Larson approached the Oklahoma City branch of Sierra Club, the Cimarron
Group, with their idea for creating the GL Sierrans. “The Cimarron Group showed great
interest and enthusiastic acceptance of the idea. We are so excited to have formed this
relationship with the Club,” said Shah.
The GL Sierrans currently meet with the Cimarron Group (Sierra Club of Oklahoma
City) on the third Thursdays of every month at United Life Spiritual Center at 3333 N
Meridian Ave, OKC, at 7:00 p.m.

GL Sierrans Future Events
Future events of the GL Sierrans include biking at Lake Hefner, trips to the zoo, a
farmer’s market tour, and kayaking the Oklahoma River. The next scheduled event is
October 20 from 2:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. in Jones, OK, at Doug Hill’s Farm (10800 E
Hefner Rd, Jones, OK 73049). Sierra Club will be celebrating its 41 st birthday. Join us
for grass fed local burgers (or veggie burgers!), good company, games, recognizing our
outstanding volunteers who have made such an impact this year, and most importantly,
celebrating the Oklahoma Chapter of the Sierra Club's birthday and our environmental
victories this year.
The event is free to attend, but all donations are welcome to help us pay for the
event as well as to help us pay for our environmental work next year. Although it is not
required to be a paid member of GLS or Sierra Club to participate in outings,
membership does provide support to the Sierra Club programs. To support the group,
please check out Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/gl.sierrans.∆

R e c y c l e,
R e u s e,
Repurpose

4654 (Philip Au).∆

6

Continued from page one . . .

denying a review to settle this issue for the rest of the nation. Again, courts,
agencies and legislatures in states and the federal government are rapidly
changing this picture and the information written in this or any article may
only be valid the day it was written.
On the 26th day of June, 2013, the heart of the federal Defense of
Marriage Act (DOMA) was invalidated by the US Supreme Court. Now,
same-sex married couples and their families residing in states which
recognize their marriage will be able obtain more than a thousand
previously denied federal benefits, rights or protections.
Since states are allowed to define marriage for its citizens, federal law
often defers to the state definition in determining eligibility for federal
benefits. Oklahoma is one of many states with a law or constitutional
provision defining marriage as being between one woman and one man.
Federal benefits which do not rely on state definitions of marriage are
available to Oklahoma same-sex couples who were legally married in a
jurisdiction which recognizes same-sex marriage. For example, Oklahoma
same-sex couples with valid marriage in other jurisdictions can now file
joint federal income tax returns, take advantage of options to select the
same long-term care facility under Medicare, receive military marital
benefits, and have spousal privileges for immigration purposes. Oklahoma
joins a few other states in actively objecting to benefits for same-sex
families. For example, Oklahoma (along with LA, TX, and MS) will not
allow National Guard same-sex benefits to be administered in Oklahoma
facilities, requiring national guard members eligible for same-sex benefits
to travel to federal facilities in Oklahoma to get those established.
Oklahoma laws and statutes protect a family and declare what will
happen to the property or children when one partner in a legally-recognized
Oklahoma marriage leaves or dies. For everyone else, silence means
walking away with nothing, leaving your child, and putting your partner or
yourself at risk.

CAUTION: Some agreements will not
be enforced by an Oklahoma court.
Once agreements are made, partners
are advised to honor them and do whatever
is necessary to stay out of court. The
inclusion of alternative dispute resolution
mechanisms (such as required mediation,
binding arbitration & liquidated damages)
can avoid the nightmare of a public proceeding in an open court which has
no respect for non-traditional relationships.
There is hope that laws may improve to better support same-sex
families in Oklahoma. Legal marriage for same-sex couples is or soon will
be recognized in fifteen countries (Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada,
France, Iceland, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Uruguay,
and most of Denmark, the Netherlands and New Zealand). Legal marriage
for same-sex couples is or soon will be recognized in thirteen US states
(CA, CT, DE, IA, MA, MD, ME, MN, NH, NY, RI, VT, WA), the District
of Columbia and five tribal jurisdictions (the Coquille Indian Tribe, the
Suquamish Tribe, the Little Traverse Bay Bands of Odawa Indians, the
Pokagon Band of Potawatomie Indians, and the Iipay Nation of Santa
Ysabel). One state court with anti-same-sex marriage laws on its books
(NM) recently required two counties (Bernalillo and Sante Fe) to begin
issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Six more states have
domestic partnerships or civil unions; two more states have limited
recognition. Twenty-eight states, including Oklahoma, have nothing or anti
-same-sex marriage provisions. Courts, agencies, and legislatures in states
and the federal government are rapidly changing this picture, and the
information written in this or any article may only be valid the day it is
written.
Some states are beginning to honor co-parenting agreements or second
parent rights (see, for example, In re Bonfield, 96 Ohio St, 3d 218, 2002;
Frazier v. Goudschaal, No. 103487, Kansas Supreme Court, 2013). Full
joint adoptions by same-sex couples are currently legal by statute or court
ruling in many US states (AR, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, HI, IA, IL, IN, MA,
ME, MD, MN, NH, NJ, NV, NY, OR, PA, RI, VA, WA ) and the District
of Columbia. Other states, including Oklahoma, remain antagonistic. There
is little basis to believe Oklahoma courts will begin to follow a more
progressive path on such issues. However, a state statute requiring that
same-sex adoptions finalized in other states could not be recognized in
Oklahoma was found to be unconstitutional and was struck down
(Finstuen, et al. v. Edmondson, et al.; Case #CIV 2004-1152 in Western
District of OK; Case #2006-6216 in Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit).
Louisiana’s similar statute was upheld, with the US Supreme Court

Nothing in this article creates an attorney-client relationship or constitutes legal
advice for any particular family or partnership. For such advice, consult with an
attorney licensed to practice in Oklahoma about your specific situation.
Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W. may be reached at Ingraham & Associates, P.L.L.C.,
333629 E Kickapoo Valley Rd, McLoud, OK 74851; Tel (405) 964-2072; Fax (405)
964-2058; e-mail sandyjoingraham@gmail.com ∆
Dear Friends,
If you enjoy reading the Herland Voice but have not made a donation in recent years,
please consider doing so now. Because of the cost involved with printing and mailing, we
must limit our mailing list to those who make some contribution—even a small one. For those
who would like to continue reading the Voice but are unable to make a contribution, please
send your e-mail address (including your street address to simplify the process) to
herland@herlandsisters.org, and we would be happy to sign you up for the e-mail version of
the Voice.∆

Thank you for your support!

Now PayPal link is available on our website.

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SUPPORT THE BUSINESSES THAT HELP SUPPORT HERLAND!
Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W.
Attorney-at-Law
Ingraham & Associates, PLLC
Estate Planning, Wills, Trusts, Probate, Adoption, Contracts

333629 E Kickapoo Valley Rd Ofc(405)964-2072
McLoud, OK 74851 sandyjoingraham@gmail.com

Ginny Poindexter

The Shop

Realtor

Jeff
(405) 850-0217 cell
(405) 610-2600 office

405.919.8443 Direct
405.948.7500 Office
405.948.7502 Fax
GinnyPoindexter@kw.com

9244 NE 10th Street
Midwest City, OK 73130-1318

KELLER WILLIAMS
5629 N. Classen Blvd. Oklahoma City, OK 73118
Each office is independently owned and operated.

8

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Serving the womyn’s
community
since 1983

Herland Voice

volume thirty-one number three

www.herlandsisters.org

October 2013

Fall Retreat
Eufaula State Park, Eufaula, OK

November 1 - 3, 2013
Protecting Oklahoma Families
and Partnerships
in Same-Sex Relationships
by Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W.

Lesbians and gay men create families, both with and without children.
Like all families, those involving same-sex relationships fret over what
will happen when one partner dies, or (heaven forbid) the couple breaks
up. Unlike other families, those involving same-sex relationships in
Oklahoma have precious few legal safeguards at this time.
Without a relationship recognized by Oklahoma law (biological
parenthood, adoption or legal marriage), at least one of the partners is
often treated as a virtual stranger. Questions involving property division,
inheritance, child custody, child support, and child visitation will be
answered by looking at strict legal entitlement, birth certificates, marriage
licenses, divorce documents and adoption papers. The emotions of
sadness and betrayal are heightened as families are forced to navigate the
nightmares of death and divorce without legal process.
Partners can do something! Key is being honest about
the nature of the relationship. Then a series of legal
documents can be crafted to specify what the couple wants
to happen when the inevitable occurs. Be proactive! Seek
the advice of an attorney and make sure you have done all
you can do to protect your family.
Depending on each specific situation documents might include the
following possibilities:
Wills or Trusts (to distribute property at death)
Affidavits (specifying desires, such as cremation)
Partnership Agreements (laying out financial agreements, payment of
household expenses, impact on ownership)
Co-Parenting Agreements (laying out each partner’s commitment to a
child; specifying custody, visitation and support agreements)
Powers-of-Attorney (allowing partners to take care of each other’s
financial affairs, allowing the non-legal parent to exercise some parental
rights such as consenting for a child’s medical care, or allowing partners
to consent to each other’s medical care)
Assignment of Rights to Make Final Arrangements (ensuring a partner
the right to decide how and when their partner’s remains will be handled)
Joint Ownership or Transfer on Death Provisions (creating title or
ownership in a manner which transfers property by law at the death of one
partner without any court involvement)
Continued on page 7.

Are you ready for a weekend full of relaxation, great friends,
mystery, good food, and tons-o-fun? Well, you’re in luck! Make
plans now to attend The Herland Fall Retreat at Lake Eufaula
State Park (formerly Fountainhead) on November 1-3, 2013.
Now, it’s easier than ever to register! You can send in the
registration form and your check via snail mail (you can also
download this article and registration form from
www.herlandsisters.org), or you can register on-line at
www.herlandretreat.weebly.com and pay with a credit card, or you
can call (405) 550-2312 to register and then pay at the door.
This retreat will be PACKED FULL of fun events,
including: A Friday Night Game Extravaganza, a
yummy supper of regular and vegetarian soups with
bread, and of course…the campfire!
Jean will be leading a workshop entitled “Take &
Make” Fishing Lures. If you would like to learn how to make your
very own fishing lures, please try to bring at least five twist-off
bottle caps (If you use an opener, try not to bend the cap.). The type
of caps needed are fluted around the edge and are metal; no plastic
or screw-off caps. The rest of the materials and instruction will be
provided.
Have You Ever Wanted to “Test-Drive” a Tattoo? Well, this
is your chance! Instructor Jennifer Manning Cinocco has been a
Henna Tattoo Artist for over 15 years. This will be a basic
workshop on mixology of henna, basic cone
Continued on page 3.

A Little More Peace in Your Life?
If you are looking for peace, then join us on
Saturday, November 9, from 10:00 a.m. until 4:00
p.m. at the 2013 Peace Festival held at the Civic
Center Music Hall, in the Hall of Mirrors.
Herland will have a table among many groups
celebrating peace with most offering lots of
items for early holiday shopping! Stop by the
Herland table and flash us the peace sign!∆

The Herland Voice is a publication of Herland Sister Resources, 2312 NW 39th Street, OKC, OK 73112. Our bookstore/lending
library is open the first and third Saturdays from 1-5 p.m., but please call before you come by just to be sure we are open.
Call us at (405) 521-9696 or e-mail us at herland@herlandsisters.org. Visit us on the web at www.herlandsisters.org. ∆

SUPPER CLUB DATES

EVENTS AT A GLANCE—

October 12—Hollie's Flatiron Steakhouse, 1199 South I-35

Service Rd, Moore, @ 5:30 p.m.
November 9—The Shack Seafood and Oyster Bar, 13801
Quail Pointe Dr, OKC, @ 5:30 p.m.
December14—Potluck & Dirty Santa Party @ HSR 6 p.m.
January 1—Open House and Potluck @ HSR 1-5 p.m.

October
Tuesday 8th Special Elections in some areas
Saturday 12th Supper Club at Hollie's Flatiron Steakhouse
Monday 14th Columbus Day/Celebrate Indigenous People
Sunday 20th 4 p.m. HSR Board Meeting
Thursday 31st Halloween

If you have a restaurant to suggest for a future Herland
Supper Club, please e-mail us at herland@
herlandsisters.org. We welcome your ideas.∆

November

Annual Herland Holiday Potluck/
Dirty Santa Party Planning

Friday-Sunday 1st-3rd Retreat at Eufaula State Park
Friday 1st All Saints’ Day
Saturday 9th Supper Club at The Shack Seafood & Oyster Bar
Saturday 9th Peace Fest @ Civic Center Music Hall of Mirrors
Monday 11th Veterans’ Day
Tuesday 12th Special Elections in some areas
Sunday 17th 4 p.m. HSR Board Meeting
Thursday 28th Thanksgiving & Hanukkah

Come join your Herland Sisters on December 14th at 6:00
p.m. for an evening of holiday fun and feasting. Everyone is
encouraged to bring a covered dish to share, as well as a
wrapped gift worth no more than $12 to exchange during
“Dirty Santa.” This is a long-standing tradition at Herland,
and every year is a blast! This party takes the place of our
monthly Supper Club meeting for December and is the last
big event of 2013.∆

December
Saturday 14th 6:00 p.m. Potluck and Dirty Santa Party
Sunday 15th 4 p.m. HSR Board Meeting
Wednesday 25th Christmas Day
Thursday 26th Boxing Day
Tuesday 31 New Year’s Eve

New Year’s Day Open House
Herland’s tradition of a New Year’s Day Open House
continues. Start off 2014 by visiting Herland to enjoy
fellowship and food to help you start the new year off right!
This come-and-go affair starts at 1:00 p.m. and lasts until
5:00 p.m. Following tradition, board members will provide
black-eyed peas (both carnivorous and vegetarian),
colcannon (a traditional Irish cabbage/potato dish), and
cornbread. Please bring a sidedish or a dessert to share.
Don’t miss our first gathering of 2014!∆

January 2014
Wednesday 1st 1-5 p.m. New Year’s Day Open House/Potluck

Next Year’s Events:
Spring Retreat 2014—May
Fall Retreat 2014—October

Cimarron Alliance Equality Center
Lists Weekly Events
Beginning in September, the Center will
provide a listing of all events coming up at
the Cimarron Alliance Equality Center for
the upcoming week. The staff are thrilled
with the way the community is responding to
the Center and are happily adding new programs, services,
groups, and events each month (Contact Cimarron Alliance
scott@cimarronalliance.org to get on the list.). Look
through each week's listings and join a meeting when you
can! Thoughts, ideas, and suggestions for more
opportunities at your community center are also welcome.
The Cimarron Alliance Equality Center at 5613 N May
Ave, Ste 400, Oklahoma City, OK 73112, is in the center of
Oklahoma, the center of Oklahoma City, and can become
the center for your activities!∆

The Voice is published quarterly by Herland Sister
Resources, Inc., 2312 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, OK
73112, and is offered as an open forum for community discourse.
Articles reflect the opinions of the author and not necessarily
those of Herland Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and
letters to the editor are welcomed and must be signed by the
writer with full name and address. Upon request, letters or
articles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Herland reserves the right to edit or not publish any article. The
submission deadline is the 20th of every month. Subscriptions to
The Voice are free upon request although a donation is requested
to meet publication and distribution costs.∆
2

Continued from page one . . .

Herland Fall Retreat
Eufaula State Park, Eufaula, OK
May 3 - 5, 2013

making, and how to use a cone. Included in the workshop will be all
the ingredients for making henna, cone making materials, and a
practice sheet for learning basic design lines.
Ready to learn “How to REALLY Fight Like a Girl”?
Oklahoma Boxing Celebrity and the National Native
American Boxing Lightweight Champion Lacey
"The Native Sweetheart" Crawford will demonstrate
and teach a simple self-defense workshop on
Saturday!
Crafty Cuties, Ariel & Holly, will be back again, this time to
show us how to make bracelets, using hemp! They will also bring
an assortment of handmade Fimo (polymer clay) beads to adorn our
new bracelets, for a small fee.
Some of you may remember Rose’s 18+ stimulating “sex-full”
workshop from last fall’s retreat. We had so much fun that she’ll be
back again!
Our Saturday Night Entertainment will feature… YOU! We’ll
be having our very own Murder Mystery entitled “Cruising for
Murder”! There are about 20 spots for those of you that want to be
IN the mystery, and we’ll need a great audience for those
who wish to just sit back and watch the fun unravel. If
you would like to participate in the show, please
indicate so on your registration if you mail it in, or call
(405) 550-2312 or e-mail SAHatwork@aol.com if
you register online. Once we have the 20 actors

needed, we’ll call or e-mail you your part! IT WILL BE A HUGE
HELP IF YOU CAN TELL US IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE IN THE
CAST OR PART OF THE AUDIENCE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
This should be REALLY fun, and we hope that EVERYONE will
participate in this new event! Remember--you’ll NEVER find a
more supportive group than Herland Retreaters, so step out of the
box and make your magic happen!
If you have never been to a Herland Retreat, you owe it to
yourself to give it a try! Whether you come solo or with friends, are
a certified camper or city grrrl, or come from near or far, it’s a
perfect, affordable opportunity to meet new friends, catch up with
old friends, play board games and sports, hone your acting skills,
explore nature, create or learn something new at a workshop,
express your culinary skills at the Saturday evening
potluck, sing and tell stories around the campfire
or simply relax in an incredibly supportive
environment. Also, please remember to bring an
item or two for the raffle &/or silent auction. This
helps keep the costs of the weekend low for us all,
and helps to keep Herland here for us all!
Your registration fee includes lodging in a cabin, dinner on
Friday, scrumptious breakfast/brunch on Saturday and Sunday
mornings, Saturday evening Potluck Dinner (bring or plan on
making a dish to “wow” your fellow campers), all workshops and
group camp activities, and the Saturday Night Murder Mystery!

The Herland Retreat is whatever we make it. Make it magical and memorable!
~ ~ This will be the only article and registration you’ll receive (via mail) before the retreat. So…do yourself a favor and register now, while
you’re thinking about it! To register, just mail back the registration form with your check, OR register on-line at
www.herlandretreat.weebly.com, OR call (405) 550-2312 and pay at the door. Visit our website at www.herlandsisters.org where you can print
off a map of how to get to Lake Eufaula State Park, a map of the campgrounds and where the Herland group camp is, and find out lots of other
information like what you’ll want to bring, etc. Deadline for pre-registration is October 25.∆

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Herland Fall Retreat 2013 Registration
Eufaula State Park, Eufaula, OK during November 1-3, 2013
Deadline for pre-registration is October 25. Please return registration form and check to:
Herland Sister Resources, 2312 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, OK 73112.

Name(s): ___________________________________________________________________________________________________
E-mail: ________________________________________________________
Address: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________
City: __________________________ State: _________ Zip: _____________Phone: _______________________________________

I want to be an Actor or Audience Member for
Saturday Night’s Murder Mystery! (please circle one)

Total Registration Fee $___________ enclosed.

( ) I’m enclosing an additional $ __________ to help provide scholarships.
( ) I’m bringing ______ children (Girls of all ages and boys under age 10 are welcome.).
( ) I’m bringing ______ dogs that will be kept on leashes at all times, and I will sign a waiver stating I am completely responsible
for any injury or damage caused by my dog(s).
( ) I have a disability and need the following if possible: _______________________________________________________________
Sliding Scale Registration Fee (for the entire weekend for each person) — Annual Income PER PERSON
● under $13,300
$40
● All Day Saturday
● $13,300-$30,000
$55
OR
● Saturday Evening Only
● over $30,000
$70

3

$30
$15

Editorial

Forgiveness by J.R.
I have a friend who plays poker—not just casually but seriously, week-ends and tournaments and
out-of-state trips. After many years, she’s still ahead in the profit column, so I guess she’s fairly good.
She was talking with me about her fascination with the game. “After I played for a few months, it
occurred to me that poker is like life: you have to make decisions based on incomplete information.”
Most of you know how Texas Hold’em works. You receive two cards, face down, and based on
those two cards you make your first decision—to stay in the game or not to play that hand. After
betting, the dealer puts out three cards, face up. Decision time again, more betting; the dealer puts out
another card and, after the bets are laid, the final card is dealt.
All this time you are weighing the options (assuming that you are playing this hand) based on not only what cards you are
holding but also on the cards that are showing and what you think the other players are holding. Parenting, relationships,
careers…they’re all poker hands. You make decisions based on what you know—but you have only a partial view of the
picture. You don’t know what is coming or how others will react. The picture fills out some as the game goes on, and even
when you finally have access to the dealer’s face-up cards, you still do not know what others are thinking or planning. You
do your best to make the right decision, but it is based on incomplete information.
Many of us are blaming others or ourselves for “bad hands.” I’ve often thought about what the moderator said in a 12-step
group years ago: “Looking back on childhood, we can see the mistakes our parents made, and some of us hold on to
bitterness we feel toward them; but to grow, to heal, we must forgive and accept that they did their best in terms of their
personalities and circumstances.”
We look back on failed relationships, tragedies or set-backs with the blurred vision of “What if’s and “If only’s” and
“Should have/could have’s”; but whatever led up to those misfortunes, we and the other players were making decisions based
on incomplete information—doing our best with the hand we were dealt and our assumptions or hopes about the final results.
It’s also true that “our best” is not always synonymous with “wisest” or “kindest” because it is human nature to protect our
own investment.
Life can deal really bad hands. Win or lose, we have done our best with the incomplete information available. A loss is
not our failure but the interaction of circumstances we cannot totally control or anticipate. We can control some of the cards
we choose to play: regrets and anger are terrible cards that keep us from making wise decisions in Life’s games.
Accepting that all of us do or have done our best with incomplete information makes forgiveness possible….and forgiveness
is a great healer.∆

AAUW OKC Branch Recognized

Oklahoma Women
Veterans’ Recognition Day

The American Association of University Women (AAUW)
empowers women and girls through advocacy, education,
philanthropy, and research. This nonpartisan, nonprofit
organization has more than 150,000 members and
supporters across the United States, as well as 1,000 local
branches and 700 college and university partners. Since
AAUW's founding in 1881, our members have examined and
taken positions on the fundamental issues of the day —
educational, social, economic, and political.
AAUW advances equity for women and girls, paving the
way for women to pursue their goals. AAUW has been in
the forefront of the battles for civil rights, education, and
reproductive rights. Membership is open to males and
females who have a college degree or are currently seeking
a college degree. Through branch membership,
opportunities are open for activism and helping to develop
programs that promote education and equity, not just for
women and girls but for the entire community. Members
can enhance their leadership skills and can take advantage
of numerous benefit programs, as well as network with
women in the OKC area, the state, and the nation.
To learn about the new branch in south Oklahoma City,
contact the branch president, Jessica Martinez-Brooks, at
(405) 682-7859, Fax (405) 682-7848, www.occc.edu/coe ∆

All women who have served, or are
currently serving, are invited to attend an annual
Oklahoma Women Veterans’ Recognition Day
event which will be held October 25-26 in Tulsa,
OK, at the Wyndham Hotel this year.
This annual day-long event is free to
resident Oklahoma women veterans and women
who are currently serving. A light continental
breakfast in the morning will be available and a
luncheon later in the day, as well as a hospitality room at the hotel
the evening before the event. In addition to some notable guest
speakers, a memorial service and the naming of the Oklahoma
Woman Veteran of the year are scheduled into the event besides a
silent auction and door prizes. Reservations for the event are
appreciated. Guests are welcome for a nominal fee. Registration
forms and more information may be obtained by contacting Pam
Bloustine @ pamokwm@aol.com or at www.okwvo.org (website
for the Oklahoma Women Veterans Organization OKWVO, a 501
(c)(19) non-profit War Veterans Service Organization).
Oklahoma Women Veterans Organization holds its regular
meetings in the Sunny Lane Family Reception Center, 3900 SE
29th St, Del City, OK, (also where the Catholic War Veterans
meet). OKWVO meets from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on the 3rd
Saturday in the months of February, April, June, August, October,
and December.∆
4

please contact our Alumnae Chairman, Pat, at
p.wimberley@cox.net or Council staffperson, Julie, at
First, the Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma Alumnae Association, jbohannon@gswestok.org.
a group of dedicated Girl Scouts alumnae, truly are committed to
Next, GS Cornerstone, a young professionals group of Girl
ensuring current Girl Scouts learn the essentials of scouting,
Scouts Western Oklahoma (ages 40 and younger), is dedicated to
including traditions, safety training, camping techniques, and more. making a difference in the lives of girls. GS Cornerstone started the
The Alumnae Association also participates in
council's first Gold Award Scholarship Fund to recognize young
networking engagements, volunteer opportunities,
women who have earned the highest honor awarded to a Girl
and special events, including the Alumnae Annual
Scout—the Gold Award. GS Cornerstone participates in exclusive
Meeting, the Juliette Low Leadership Society
networking events, leadership opportunities, professional
Luncheon, and the Alumnae Tea. A newsletter from development seminars, volunteer activities tailored to young
this very active Alumnae group offers updates and professionals, and special events such as Cookies & Cocktails. If
lists opportunities, as well as invites all GS alumnae you wish to view their scheduled events or receive additional
to be involved! If you want to get involved or if
information about GS Cornerstone, e-mail:
you have any questions about the alumnae group,
GSCornerstone@gswestok.org.∆

Two Activities for Adult Girl Scouts

Flag Etiquette: Federal law stipulates many

aspects of flag etiquette. The section of law
dealing with American Flag etiquette is generally
referred to as the Flag Code. Some general
guidelines from the Flag Code answer many of the
most common questions:
The flag should be lighted at all times, either
by sunlight or by an appropriate light source.
· The flag should be flown in fair weather,
unless the flag is designed for inclement weather
use.
· The flag should never be dipped to any person
or thing. It is flown upside down only as a distress
signal.
· The flag should not be used for any decoration
in general. Bunting of blue, white and red stripes is
available for these purposes. The blue stripe of the
bunting should be on the top.
· The flag should never be used for
any advertising purpose. It
should not be embroidered,
printed or otherwise
impressed on such articles
as cushions, handkerchiefs,
napkins, boxes, or anything
intended to be discarded after temporary use.
Advertising signs should not be attached to the
staff or halyard.
· The flag should not be used as part of a
costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag
patch may be used on the uniform of military
personnel, fireman, policeman and members of
patriotic organizations.
· The flag should never have any mark, insignia,
letter, word, number, figure, or drawing of any kind
placed on it, or attached to it.
· The flag should never be used for receiving,
holding, carrying, or delivering anything.
· When the flag is lowered, no part of it should
touch the ground or any other object; it should be
received by waiting hands and arms. To store the
flag it should be folded neatly and ceremoniously.
· The flag should be cleaned and mended when
necessary.
· When a flag is so worn it is no longer fit to
serve as a symbol of our country, it should be
destroyed by burning in a dignified manner.
Read a more comprehensive set of flag
etiquette on the website for rules for display of the
American Flag.∆

Pinwheels Promote Peace
OKC joined the world in celebrating the International Day
of Peace at Oklahoma City University in Oklahoma City, OK,
on Friday, September 20, 2013. Students in OKC created
pinwheels to celebrate Oklahoma City’s 7th Annual
International Day of Peace and joined a global carnival promoting
harmony and goodwill in the world. Over a thousand pinwheels were
designed and decorated by students and community members throughout the
greater OKC area in preparation for the city’s large annual celebration of world
peace and harmony.
“In today’s world, peace needs to become more than just a word,” said
Respect Diversity Foundation representative and event organizer Joan Korenblit.
“Students are bombarded with television images, video games, and magazine
and newspaper articles that promote conflict and war.” As part of a global
collaboration, Korenblit teamed with Pinwheels For Peace--a Not For Profit
Organization using pinwheels to promote “whirled peace.”
As students created their pinwheels, they are asked to include their personal
thoughts and images relating to “peace” and answer the question: “Whom will
you make peace with?” Their pinwheels make a visual statement of their hope
for a kinder world and their personal contribution to being the change they want
to see. The first Peace Day was observed in September 1982.
“Through the Pinwheels for Peace Festival,” continued Korenblit, “we help
students create a public and visual statement about their feelings about war and
peace, tolerance and cooperation, harmony and unity. Our hope is to further
awaken our community to what the next generation is thinking.”
For more information, contact Joan Korenblit, Respect Diversity Foundation
at (405) 706-3828 or e-mail rdfrdf@cox.net or visit http://
www.pinwheelsforpeaceokc.org or www.facebook.com/pages/Pinwheels-forPeace-Oklahoma-City-Festival/147353361424.∆

Strong Women Needed for Board of Trustees
Herland needs more board members to help with the function of
our activities and the maintenance of community services. The duties
and responsibilities of leadership in the collective are outlined in the
by-laws; however, general members are asked to attend once-amonth meetings and give input on agenda topics and planned activities
(Leadership “sister” positions are not required.). To understand the collective design
of leadership, attendance at board meetings is encouraged for all volunteers and
interested community members. Our board meetings are the third Sunday of each
month at 4:00 p.m. usually lasting an hour and a half, frequently followed by some
sisterhood time afterwards at a restaurant. If you are a strong woman in the
community, we NEED you!∆

5

Improvements
Recommended for
Strip of 39th Street
A group of 39th Street business and
property owners have taken an interest in
improving the safety and attractiveness of the
area between NW 39th and NW 40th,
Pennsylvania and Youngs. Those concerned
have met a few times with City staff and
Councilperson Ed Shadid. In April, the City
hosted Dan Burden of the Walkable and
Livable Communities Institute for a
walkability assessment of the area. Three key
concerns identified were 1) Traffic is
unpredictable and often moves at higher than
desired speeds, 2) The area does not
encourage pedestrian and bicycle activity and
is potentially dangerous, and 3) The district
does not have a sense of place. Among the
recommendations made by Burden were to
put the road on “a diet” by removing one or
more lanes and converting part of the road to
bike lanes, add buffers between the travel
lanes and sidewalks, add trees, add crosswalks
in key areas, and add district markers at each
end of the Strip.
To begin this process,
the City is now soliciting
support for a proposed
street improvement. The
project would resurface and restripe 39th Street to two lanes and add bike
lanes on both sides and a crosswalk at the
Barnes intersection. The re-striping project
could start in a couple months and would help
address a few of the safety concerns on this
street. It could, for example, slow down the
traffic by narrowing the lane width and create
crosswalks to alert the drivers to buffer space
between cars and people. Working together as
stakeholders in this business district, along
with the City, will help position the area to
receive future funding for additional
improvements, such as better street lighting,
transit access, sidewalk repair, tree planting,
and district markers.∆

Oklahoma
GLBT Film Fest
OUT OK brings
back The GLBT Film
Festival in
2013 on November 15,
16, and 17 at the Circle
Cinema, 10 S Lewis,
Tulsa, OK 74104. Film
schedule to be announced.
For more information, contact
http://www.out-ok.com/ or 918-682-

What is the GL Sierrans?
The Sierra Club is the oldest and largest environmental organization in the country
with a mission to “Explore, Enjoy and Protect the Planet.” As of 2012, the Sierra Club
in Oklahoma City has a new section called the GL Sierrans. The GL Sierrans is the new
Gay and Lesbian section of the Sierra Club in Oklahoma. The purpose of the Gay and
Lesbian Sierrans is to involve the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered community
in conservation and environmental efforts by creating outdoor, social, and fun activist
opportunities for LGBT members of Sierra Club and the greater Oklahoma City
community.

History of the GL Sierrans
The GL Sierrans of Oklahoma is patterned after the Gay and
Lesbian Sierra Club Group in San Francisco that originated in 1986, as
well as the GL Sierrans Groups in Los Angeles and Denver, Colorado.
Kristy Larson, co-founder of Oklahoma’s GL Sierrans group, became
a Sierra Club member at age 15. She met her future partner in 1990
in Los Angeles in the Gay and Lesbian Sierra Club while on a
moonlight hike. They now have a beautiful 21-year-old daughter.
Larson contemplated starting the Oklahoma GL Sierrans when she
moved here from California, and the dream of doing so came true
when she approached co-founder and now chair of the new group, Charles
Shah, with the idea.
Shah had never been on a hike when he joined the group. “I had never
heard of the Sierra Club, nor had I ever been on a hike, but the idea of the group and the
objective behind creating this group made me whole-heartily support and back it.”
Shah and Larson approached the Oklahoma City branch of Sierra Club, the Cimarron
Group, with their idea for creating the GL Sierrans. “The Cimarron Group showed great
interest and enthusiastic acceptance of the idea. We are so excited to have formed this
relationship with the Club,” said Shah.
The GL Sierrans currently meet with the Cimarron Group (Sierra Club of Oklahoma
City) on the third Thursdays of every month at United Life Spiritual Center at 3333 N
Meridian Ave, OKC, at 7:00 p.m.

GL Sierrans Future Events
Future events of the GL Sierrans include biking at Lake Hefner, trips to the zoo, a
farmer’s market tour, and kayaking the Oklahoma River. The next scheduled event is
October 20 from 2:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. in Jones, OK, at Doug Hill’s Farm (10800 E
Hefner Rd, Jones, OK 73049). Sierra Club will be celebrating its 41 st birthday. Join us
for grass fed local burgers (or veggie burgers!), good company, games, recognizing our
outstanding volunteers who have made such an impact this year, and most importantly,
celebrating the Oklahoma Chapter of the Sierra Club's birthday and our environmental
victories this year.
The event is free to attend, but all donations are welcome to help us pay for the
event as well as to help us pay for our environmental work next year. Although it is not
required to be a paid member of GLS or Sierra Club to participate in outings,
membership does provide support to the Sierra Club programs. To support the group,
please check out Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/gl.sierrans.∆

R e c y c l e,
R e u s e,
Repurpose

4654 (Philip Au).∆

6

Continued from page one . . .

denying a review to settle this issue for the rest of the nation. Again, courts,
agencies and legislatures in states and the federal government are rapidly
changing this picture and the information written in this or any article may
only be valid the day it was written.
On the 26th day of June, 2013, the heart of the federal Defense of
Marriage Act (DOMA) was invalidated by the US Supreme Court. Now,
same-sex married couples and their families residing in states which
recognize their marriage will be able obtain more than a thousand
previously denied federal benefits, rights or protections.
Since states are allowed to define marriage for its citizens, federal law
often defers to the state definition in determining eligibility for federal
benefits. Oklahoma is one of many states with a law or constitutional
provision defining marriage as being between one woman and one man.
Federal benefits which do not rely on state definitions of marriage are
available to Oklahoma same-sex couples who were legally married in a
jurisdiction which recognizes same-sex marriage. For example, Oklahoma
same-sex couples with valid marriage in other jurisdictions can now file
joint federal income tax returns, take advantage of options to select the
same long-term care facility under Medicare, receive military marital
benefits, and have spousal privileges for immigration purposes. Oklahoma
joins a few other states in actively objecting to benefits for same-sex
families. For example, Oklahoma (along with LA, TX, and MS) will not
allow National Guard same-sex benefits to be administered in Oklahoma
facilities, requiring national guard members eligible for same-sex benefits
to travel to federal facilities in Oklahoma to get those established.
Oklahoma laws and statutes protect a family and declare what will
happen to the property or children when one partner in a legally-recognized
Oklahoma marriage leaves or dies. For everyone else, silence means
walking away with nothing, leaving your child, and putting your partner or
yourself at risk.

CAUTION: Some agreements will not
be enforced by an Oklahoma court.
Once agreements are made, partners
are advised to honor them and do whatever
is necessary to stay out of court. The
inclusion of alternative dispute resolution
mechanisms (such as required mediation,
binding arbitration & liquidated damages)
can avoid the nightmare of a public proceeding in an open court which has
no respect for non-traditional relationships.
There is hope that laws may improve to better support same-sex
families in Oklahoma. Legal marriage for same-sex couples is or soon will
be recognized in fifteen countries (Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada,
France, Iceland, Norway, Portugal, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Uruguay,
and most of Denmark, the Netherlands and New Zealand). Legal marriage
for same-sex couples is or soon will be recognized in thirteen US states
(CA, CT, DE, IA, MA, MD, ME, MN, NH, NY, RI, VT, WA), the District
of Columbia and five tribal jurisdictions (the Coquille Indian Tribe, the
Suquamish Tribe, the Little Traverse Bay Bands of Odawa Indians, the
Pokagon Band of Potawatomie Indians, and the Iipay Nation of Santa
Ysabel). One state court with anti-same-sex marriage laws on its books
(NM) recently required two counties (Bernalillo and Sante Fe) to begin
issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Six more states have
domestic partnerships or civil unions; two more states have limited
recognition. Twenty-eight states, including Oklahoma, have nothing or anti
-same-sex marriage provisions. Courts, agencies, and legislatures in states
and the federal government are rapidly changing this picture, and the
information written in this or any article may only be valid the day it is
written.
Some states are beginning to honor co-parenting agreements or second
parent rights (see, for example, In re Bonfield, 96 Ohio St, 3d 218, 2002;
Frazier v. Goudschaal, No. 103487, Kansas Supreme Court, 2013). Full
joint adoptions by same-sex couples are currently legal by statute or court
ruling in many US states (AR, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, HI, IA, IL, IN, MA,
ME, MD, MN, NH, NJ, NV, NY, OR, PA, RI, VA, WA ) and the District
of Columbia. Other states, including Oklahoma, remain antagonistic. There
is little basis to believe Oklahoma courts will begin to follow a more
progressive path on such issues. However, a state statute requiring that
same-sex adoptions finalized in other states could not be recognized in
Oklahoma was found to be unconstitutional and was struck down
(Finstuen, et al. v. Edmondson, et al.; Case #CIV 2004-1152 in Western
District of OK; Case #2006-6216 in Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit).
Louisiana’s similar statute was upheld, with the US Supreme Court

Nothing in this article creates an attorney-client relationship or constitutes legal
advice for any particular family or partnership. For such advice, consult with an
attorney licensed to practice in Oklahoma about your specific situation.
Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W. may be reached at Ingraham & Associates, P.L.L.C.,
333629 E Kickapoo Valley Rd, McLoud, OK 74851; Tel (405) 964-2072; Fax (405)
964-2058; e-mail sandyjoingraham@gmail.com ∆
Dear Friends,
If you enjoy reading the Herland Voice but have not made a donation in recent years,
please consider doing so now. Because of the cost involved with printing and mailing, we
must limit our mailing list to those who make some contribution—even a small one. For those
who would like to continue reading the Voice but are unable to make a contribution, please
send your e-mail address (including your street address to simplify the process) to
herland@herlandsisters.org, and we would be happy to sign you up for the e-mail version of
the Voice.∆

Thank you for your support!

Now PayPal link is available on our website.

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SUPPORT THE BUSINESSES THAT HELP SUPPORT HERLAND!
Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W.
Attorney-at-Law
Ingraham & Associates, PLLC
Estate Planning, Wills, Trusts, Probate, Adoption, Contracts

333629 E Kickapoo Valley Rd Ofc(405)964-2072
McLoud, OK 74851 sandyjoingraham@gmail.com

Ginny Poindexter

The Shop

Realtor

Jeff
(405) 850-0217 cell
(405) 610-2600 office

405.919.8443 Direct
405.948.7500 Office
405.948.7502 Fax
GinnyPoindexter@kw.com

9244 NE 10th Street
Midwest City, OK 73130-1318

KELLER WILLIAMS
5629 N. Classen Blvd. Oklahoma City, OK 73118
Each office is independently owned and operated.

8

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