extracted text

do~HERLAND ~
JUNE, 1990

RECOVERY: A NEW
WAY OF LIFE(?)
Karen L. Lewis, M.Ed.
James M. Cole, CAC Cand.
RECOVERY: The process of restoring
physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual
health. It is the process through which self
destructive behaviors are reduced or eliminated and self-affirming behaviors are
developed and enhanced. The effects of
successful recovery, over time, can be
profound: increased self-esteem, honest
interpersonal communication, and truly
intimate relationships, diminishing feelings of loneliness/ emptiness, unconditional love for the Self, the ability to
experience joy from within, increased
self-confidence, increased productivity;
the ability to truly live life instead of
simply coping with life.
Recovery is work- a kind unlike any
other. Recovery demands practice of new
behaviors on a daily basis. First and
foremost, it requires honesty. It necessitates breaking denial (the defense mechanism that disallows taking an honest
look at oneself). This is done by making
repeated, rigidly honest and often painful
explorations into the Self. It demands
working to find a lasting serenity and
happiness from within, instead of settling
for the temporary happiness that is found
in a bottle, a drug, a love relationship,
work, gambling, sex, food, television, etc.
Recovery is learning to identify and
becoming sensitive to one's own feelings
and needs, through learning how to communicate those feelings and needs. Recovery provides the tools necessary for
learning how to identify an abusive, selfdestructive situation or relationship; and
developing the courage and self-love to
remove oneself from such situations or
relationships. It requires reaching out to
other people. Most importantly, the
woman in recovery learns to develop a
new relationship with a spiritual Higher
Power (of her own making). With this
conscious contact with her own spirituality, she begins feeling that she is the
most important person in her life. It is
with this realization that recovery truly
begins.
VOLUME 7 NUMBER 6

•

For the woman who chooses it, recovery is likely to be the most difficult
task she will ever undertake, for our
society and upbringing traditionally give
us no preparation or encouragement for
self-exploration, and life-long patterns of
behavior are hard to change. However,
recovery is also likely to be the most
rewarding pursuit she will engage in, for it
can open up a whole new world of ideals
'
self-love and serenity.
Because it is so different than what
we've always done, it may be very difficult
to take the first steps into recovery. It feels
uncomfortable and frightening; it's not
"NORMAL" to us. Some are overcome
by fear and denial, and do not stay.
Others, who do stay, simply go through
the outward motions of recovery, but
continue lying to themselves and don't
really "work the program," therefore,
they do not GROW and remain in essentially the same self-defeating patterns of
behavior that brought them into the
program. The key ingredient in successful
recovery is the ability to be honest, openminded, and willing.
Recovery depends upon developing a
carmg relationship with the Self- something society in every way imaginable
pushes us away from. The paradox is, one
cannot develop genuine intimate relationships with others without first developing
one with the Self.
VEHICLES AND TOOLS
Primary vehicles for recovery are treatment or therapy and 12 step meetings.
Treatment or therapy focuses on the
manifesting dysfunctional behavior( s) or
"disease(s)" as they are often called by
professionals. The manifesting disease
may be co-dependency,* alcoholism,
drug, food, sex, love, relationship, gambling, television addiction, etc. Treatment
differs from 12 step meetings in that it
helps to identify, work through and resolve the childhood experiences which are
the foundation for dysfunctional behaviors, and offers the feedback and interac.tive group process that expedites exploration and healing. A woman may find it
necessary to go through treatment before
recovery begins to have significant benefits to her.

ICE

1990 GAY AND
LESBIAN PRIDE
PARADE
The 1990 Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade
will be held Sunday, June 17 as the kick-off
for Gay and Lesbian Pride Week in Oklahoma City. Parade activities will begin at
Memorial Park, N.W. 36th and Classen at
1 :00 p.m. with the parade beginning at
2:00 p.m. The parade will feature floats
and marchers representing area organizations as well as a return performance by
the Oak Lawn Symphonic Band from
Dallas.
The theme for the 1990 Gay and Lesbian
Parade is "Look to the Future" and is a
celebration to promote education and
awareness in the gay, lesbian and heterosexual communities.
The Parade will conclude with a street
festival at N.W. 39th and Barnes, which
will include live music, craft booths, and
booths by area organizations.
Information about the 1990 Pride Parade and Festival is available at Oasis
Resource Center, (405) 525-2437.
•

SUMMER SOLSTICE
SHOWCASE
Celetrate the Summer Solstice and Gay
and Lesbian Pride Week with Herland at
the Summer Solstice Showcase.
The Showcase will feature Oklahoma
City's outstanding women musicians.
Scheduled to appear are the Desert Heart
Band, Janis Galloway, Peggy Johnson, and
Mary Reynolds.
The Summer Solstice Showcase will be
held at the Porthole (N.W. 39th and
Portland) at 9 p .m. on June 21. Admission
is $3.00 at the door.
•

(continued on page 6)

HER LAND SISTER RESOURCES

•

2312 N.W. 39th, OKC, OK 73112

•

(405) 521-9696

NEW COSPONSORS
SIGN ON TO CIVIL
RIGHTS BILL
Washington, D.C.-More than 90,000
post cards on the Federal Gay and Lesbian
Civil Rights Bill have been printed and
distributed to thousands of individuals
and organizations in a nationwide lobbying
onslaught organized by the National Gay
and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF). In
addition, NGLTF's National Lobby Days
will be held in June this year to capitalize
on the massive mobilization of gays and
lesbians celebrating pride events around
the U.S.
The post card campaign is designed to
increase awareness and cosponsorship of
the Gay and Lesbian Civil Rights Bill. The
bill currently has 79 cosponsors in the
House of Representatives and 10 in the
Senate. Four lawmakers have signed on
since the start of the campaign last February: Representatives Bill Gray (D-PA);
Gerry Sikorski (D-MN); Jose Serrano (DNY); Craig Washington (D-TX); and
Senator Claiborne Pell (D-RI).
"The post card campaign is helping us
lay the groundwork of constituent support
that will enable us to pass the Gay and
Lesbian Civil Rights Bill, which we plan on
doing this decade,'' said Peri Jude Radecic,
NGLTF legislative director.
The bill, S4 7 in the Senate and HR655
in the House, is officially called the Civil
Rights Amendment Act of 1989. It provides broad anti-discrimination protections for gays and lesbians by prohibiting
discrimination in hcusing, employment,
public accommodations and federally
assisted programs based on affection or
sexual orientation.
NGLTF urges gays and lesbians to send
their federal lawmakers a pre-printed post
card and ask them to cosponsor the bill.
The post card campaign will continue
through June 1990.
•

2

HSR, JUNE, 1990

TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT
Oklahoma Women Against Violence
Against Women (OWAVAW) will hold a
Take Back the Night Rally and March on
June 8, 1990 at Memorial Park, N .W. 36th
and Classen in Oklahoma City. The theme
of the event is "Sexual Assault Doesn't
Happen to Someone Else, It Happened to
Me."
The evening's events will focus attention
on the problem of sexual assault and its
impact on all women. Featured speakers
include Dr. Vivian Ng of the Oklahoma
University Women's Studies Faculty and
Dreama Moon, former director of the
Oklahoma City YWCA Crisis Intervention Services. Rally music will be led by
Peggy Johnson and Mary Reynolds.
For more information, call Pat Reaves
or Ginger McGovern at 521-9696 (leave
•
message).

RALLY FOR THE
ANIMALS
On Sunday, June 10, 1990, thousands of
people from across the United States will
gather at the Capitol in Washington to
send a simple message to Congress: We
stand together united to ensure justice for
animals. This march is intended to be the
beginning of the end of the abuse and
exploitation of animals, who are so often
the victims of human cruelty, greed and
indifference. If you would like to be part of
a group traveling to Washington for the
march, call Jana Wilson at 799-3697 or
Martha Brown at (918) 583-3652.
For those of us in Oklahoma who would
like to participate but who cannot make
the trip to D.C., there will be a local "Rally
for the Animals" at our State Capitol, also
on June 10, at 3:00 p.m. on the south steps
of the capitol. There will be guest speakers
from across the state to urge and encourage
people to stand together for our fellow
animals.
•

ZOOM BEACH '90
Grab the towels, rafts, water toys and
oils! It's time for Zoom Beach '90! The
traditional ending to Pride Week, it's a fun
and sun party for the community held
annually at Lake Thunderbird. It's the
chance to soak up some rays, chow down
on free food and drink, play games, listen
to tunes, and it's always a feast for the eyes!
Sponsored by the Oasis Foundation,
Zoom Beach will be Sunday, June 24,
beginning at noon and ending at 6 p.m. A
volunteer staff will serve hot-dogs and
other treats from Noon until 4 p.m.
Games and activities will be sponsored by
the University of Oklahoma Gay/Lesbian
Alliance, and are a great way to show your
stuff!
Zoom Beach always draws a large
crowd, but there's plenty of room for
everyone. Please be courteous when
parking your vehicles, keeping to the
parking lots provided and off the road.
Due to licensing regulations, Zoom
Beach will not be allowed to offer free
beer this year, something we regret. We
invite you to bring your own beer or
coolers, but ask that you purchase cans
rather than bottles where possible. Hard
liquor is prohibited in the park!
Making Zoom Beach happen requires a
large number of volunteers and supplies.
If you'd like to volunteer for a two-hour
shift, please call Oasis at 525-2437, and
the phone volunteer will schedule you.
Zoom Beach is easy to find: from
Oklahoma City, south on 1-35 to the
Robinson St. exit in Norman. East on
Robinson to 12th Ave., south on 12th to
Alameda, east on Alameda to dead end at
the lake, then north and look for Zoom
Beach on the west side. See you there! •

WOMEN WITH WOMEN
WITH CHILDREN
HURRY - WE ARE A GROUP!! !
WE'RE HAVING A PICNICJUNE 9TH
WILL ROGERS PARK
2:00 P.M.
36th & Portland
Playground on the Portland Side
Sharing common stories and giving
each other encouragement, the
"WWWWC" had a wonderful time at
the retreat.
We are looking forward to a
summer full of activities. Camping,
fishing, hiking, biking and anything
else anyone come's up with.
Feel free to come and join in, everyone is welcome, with or without
children.
If you need more info - call
942-4331.

HSR VOICE COMES
OUT OF THE WRAPPER!
Beginning with the July issue, the Herland
Voice will be published in a new forma t
which will allow mailing without an envelope.
Each copy will be securely stapled on three
sides for mailing, and the outside will
contain only necessary mailing information.
This format change will greatly speed the
process of preparing the Voice for mailing
while continuing to protect the privacy of
our readers.
If you would like to continue receiving the
Voice in an envelope, please return the
coupon below with $7.00 to cover the cost
of first class postage for 1 year.
I wo uld like to receive the Voice by first-class
mail. I'm enclosing $7.00 for 1 year's postage.
Name _ __ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _
Street-- - -- - -- - -- - City _ _ __ _ __ _ _ __ __ _
Sfate/ZIP _ __ __ _ _ __ _ __
If a change of address, what was your previous
zip code? _ _ _ __ _ _ _ __ _ _

OKLAHOMA WOMEN
AGAINST VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMEN
in conjunction with Harland Sister
Resources, Metro OKC NOW, and
many other women's groups
are sponsoring a

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
MARCH & RALLY

HERE WE GO AGAIN
by Sally Blevins
Hello again Gang. Which gang, yo u
ask? I like to think of us as the Lavender
Lilac Gang. Much nicer than the bloods
or some such crude bunch as that. June, it
seems is Women in Recovery Month.
Since we are all hangin' out on the corner
as it were, I thought I might address my
limited but extensive bout with personal
recovery. I'll throw that address in right
here just in case you would like to send
something my way.
SALLY BLEVINS
RU4 Real
Get Serious, OK 14269
Now I guess I should clear up that little
mud puddle I left in the middle of the
page. I am limited in that I don't drink,
don't smoke and as the song says, "what
do you do?" I believe I have left a clue to
this in the previous passages, but to get on
with it, I am a recovering co-dependent.
And as you are reading, please don't confuse
co-dependent with co-defendent- NOT
the same thing, although a good codependent will take the blame for other
peoples' problems. I was one of the best
at the art of taking responsibility for what
I have absolutely NO CONTROL of.
Take for instance today-a wonderfully
rainy and gloomy day for the Arts
Festival. Now in my former condition, I
would apologize to the world and all those
in if for the rain screwing up the festivities, but thanks to therapy (of many
kinds) and the use of the intelligence I was
born with, I no longer believe I have the
power to control the weather. (Although
it would be a great way to make money
thru blackmail!)
I am constantly trying to set boundaries
for myself so that I don't fall back into the
same old muck and mire. This also brings
around the point that I am now and
always will be in recovery. It is very easy
to fall back and do those same things all
over again. Kind of like-go directly to
jail, do not pass go, do not receive $200.
So as I salute those of you running this
uphill race with me with an upraised glass
of purified water-Keep on Keepin' On!
Later. Sally.
•

Friday, June 8th, 1990, 8:00 p.m.
Memorial Park, 36th &Classen,
Oklahoma City

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!
HSR, JUNE, 1990

3

DENIAL IN 12-STEP GROUPS
An editorial by Deborah Fox
My experience of 12-step meetings
was two-fold: on the one hand the
group of people coming together to
support one another's growth was encouraging and very supportive. The
sharing of feelings and experiences was
enlightening and validating. On the
other hand, I felt great discomfort with
the Patriarchally entrenched axiology
and the total lack of acknowledgement
for women's issues from being raised
with the messages that we are "sinful,"
evil temptresses responsible for humanity's exile from the
Garden of Eden, and that we
are "inferior" to men. I had
alot of trouble with the steps
because I felt my life had
been turned over to God (for
the past 5000 years or so)
and as I understood Him, He
didn't like women and, in
fact, did not even claim
women as His creation but as
Adam's! How could I turn
my will and my life over to a
He-God who has never forgiven "Eve," who holds a
grudge towards all women
because of Eve, who condemns all women to bear
children in pain and who so
obviously hates women? The
language used in 12-step
programs is not inclusive
and the Godhead is not
acknowledged as both male
and female . As a woman I know first-hand
how important it is to have language and
images that celebrate, honor, and hold
sacred, femaleness. Our first and often
most formidable issues from being raised
under Patriarchy are an inferiority complex and shame for being born female.

problem whose symptoms are: sexism,
rape, battering, incest/ child-abuse, codependency (which is, by the way, the
patriarchal stereo-type of a "good"
mother, wife, and woman), racism, high
crime rates, greed, poverty, ecological
deterioration/ destruction, war, alcoholism, drug-abuse, anorexia/ bulemia, overeating, etc. I believe people feel powerless
to change the world the white men have
made and therefore seek forms of excape
from its miseries - that alcoholism is first
a symptom and then a second problem to

I had been reproached for not attending
meetings daily and had been accused of
minimalizing on some of my issues that
I felt were of a minor degree. Since one
of my women's issues is an amazing
potential for guilt, I felt guilty for
knowing what I need and what is right
for me! Whether we can never take a
drink again, or need to work on changing dysfunctional behaviors, we need to
know we can grow, heal, get better that "problems" are really challenges
that lead us to growth, and that we
come around the sacred
spiral within. We are wiser,
stronger, healthier, and we
realize we are competent.

I'm enraged by the minimalization
of women's oppression and issues.
I'm enraged by being dishonored
and excluded because of my
femaleness. I believe a good
program is about the whole
truth, about Naming, about
coming
out of denial and awakening,
about growth and trans[ormation,
and therefore about being female
in a rnale.-dominated society."

In order to deal with and heal any issue
effectively we must acknowledge and understand their root causes. If, for example: an
ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
does not acknowledge the alcoholism and
ensuing dysfunction in their childhood
home they are unable to begin recovery
no matter how much therapy they may
attend. 12-step slogan would say they are
still "in denial." Naming/ diagnosing is
the first step in the healing process.
I believe white male supremacy and
domination are the root causes of the

the original.
· We women have been conditioned to
sit back and "take it," whatever " it" is the
men dish out, and our deep capacity for
understanding is so exonerated we often
shortchange ourselves. Well, I won't join
a 12-step program where 99% of those
attending deny the problems inherent in
Patriarchy, namely women's oppression.
12-step slogan would say those 99% are
"enablers." The 12-step program was
designed by men conditioned by Patriarchy. We women could design our own
Program that acknowledges women's
issues and uses language and images that
empower.
Another thing I found disempower-ing
in the 12-step programs was the attitude
that I had been permanently damaged as a
result of being raised by an alcoholic, and
that I could not know what is right for me;

I'm enraged by the minimalization of women's oppression and issues. I'm enraged
by being dishonored and excluded because of my femaleness. I believe a good program is about the whole
truth, about Naming, about
coming out of denial and
awakening, about growth and
transformation, and therefore about being female in a
male-dominated society. An
honest program would embrace all the issues, all their
sources , and face the fact
that the male-dominated system is itself dysfunctional. It
is painfully obvious to me
that the 12-step program
needs to grow ... I propose we women
create a new Program to meet our
needs and the growing needs of our
transforming world.

I recommend reading: The Chalice
And The Blade, by Riane Eisler, Of
Woman Born, by Adrienne Rich,
Women's Reality and When Society Becomes An Addict, by Ann Wilson
Schaef, The G-eat Cosmic Mother, by
Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor, and
The Once And Future Goddess, by
Elinor W . Gadon.

If you would like a copy of the "13steps" of WOO: Women Of Oppression
that I have designed, send an S .A.S .E.
to: D . Fox, Rt. 1, Box 29, Mountain
Park , OK 73559.
•

~

1990
Monday

Sunday

Tuesday

Friday

\\lednesday Thursday

1

MARY
at
Mary's 9 p.m.
Reservations
Reauired
c.all

Every Wednesday at Noon; Silent Vigil for Peace in Central America;
Fourth & Robinson; across the street from the Federal Building.
CODA meeting, every Friday at Herland, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.

3.

,5

4

7=

6

MISS BROWN
TO YOU
11:45 a.m.
Kerr Park

TRACY
CHAPMAN
al the Zoo
Amphitheater

10

12

II

13

14

24

ZOOM BEACH
al Lake
Thunderbird

Pe~~y

Johnson
at the
Cantin a
9:00 p.m.

8
TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT!!!
March & Rally
7:00 p.m.
MeA!orial Park
OKC

15

g

w1.11w1.11c

<Women With
WoA!en With
Children>
PICNIC
2:00 p.111.
Will Ro~ers
Park

16
Men's Glee
Club
in Concert
call

S25-2437
for details

19

18

20

21

Bowlin~

TournaAlent
al
Brunswick
Lanes
6:30 IJ.m.

FATHER'S DAY
·- -

2

528-0020

RALLY
for the
ANIMALS
J:OO p.m.
South steps
of lhe
Capitol
IJGAY PRIDE
MARCH &
RALLY
LJO p.m.
Memorial Park

Sat.urday

25

-

26

f

•

27.
"

•,

OIORIKS ON
ZAHA RI AS

1914-1956

''

·.

.

"

EMMA
GOLDMAN

1869-1940

22

23

29

30

HERL AND
GAY PRIDE
SHOW CASE
9 p.m.
al the
Porthole

2

~talewide

Workshop on
Child Sexual
Abuse; al
Baptist Med
Center: call

·3 64-9424

fbr details.

HERLAND SISTER

RESOURCES
2312 N\W 39TH, OKC 73112 - C405l 521-9696

1111
Ill

MY 12-STEP
EXPERIENCE
A guest editorial
I am a recovering alcoholic, clean and
sober with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous
and the Twelve Steps of that program. I
attended my first AA meeting in 1979
and was consistently around the program
(though I wasn't consistently sober) up
until my last drunk in 1983 . Since that
time, I have been very active in AA. As
the saying goes, alcohol was my drug of
choice, though I now realize that other
drugs affect me similarly (once I start, I
can't stop) and, indeed, lead me back to
drinking. I have been drug-free also since
1983.
Though I do not profess to know any
more or less about how AA works than
others who practice the Steps, I am wellingrained with AA experience and have
attended meeting in several European
countries and in a number of these United
States. I also have had a fleeting acquaintance with the Loners-Internationalist newsletter for those who are so-situated that meetings are not available. I feel
fortunate to live in a city now which has
many meetings every day.
I owe my sobriety solely to the Twelve
Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous which
continue to give me many gifts stemming
from two basic things - a belief in a
power greater than a human power (a
spiritual belief) and contact with other
alcoholics who share in this sober way of
life. One of the beautiful things about AA
is that noone spekas for AA as a whole
and so here I set forth my own opinions and
experience with the program though I am
certainly not alone in my views . This is
another great joy I have received-I am
no longer the loner I once was and I have
not had to sacrifice individuality to
receive the gift.
I am a low bottom drunk in many
repects though I did not drink for very
long and could have gone much lower.
The overriding factor of what drinking
did to me was not that I lost everything I
had but that, despite intelligence and
potential, I never gained much of anything to lose (I do not necessarily mean
material gains). Alcohol was the center of
my life . I was mentally and, to a lesser
degree, physically obsessed with it and
was not conscious of my spiritual nature.
Though alcohol sometimes rendered me
mean, I was not a bad person, mainly just
a drunk, non-functional one.

When I first started sobering up seven
years ago, I didn't have a job and was
mentally incapable of holding one. This
afforded me a great opportunity to attend
many meetings and concentrate on the
Twelve Steps. Through odd jobs, my bills
were paid . I listened to people who were
staying sober. I learned about patience
and one day at a time. I learned from the
Big Book of AA that "we simply do not
stop drinking so long as we placed
dependence upon other people ahead of
dependence on God." I learned, surprisingly enough, that alcohol was but a
symptom of the disease of alcoholism and
a vigorous course of action was necessary
to ensure that I did not pick up that first
drink.
I am also an Adult Child of Alcoholics
(ACA), though I remember when there
was no such thing as an ACA meeting. l
have received much help from attending
Alanon meetings and also view the Steps
from that perspective . (Alanon is a
Tw~lve-Step Program for friends and relatives of alcoholics who also find that their
lives are unmanageable.)
Just for the record, I am a lesbian
feminist, though I have not found this to
be a barrier to my recovery. According to
the Third Tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous, "The only requirement for AA
membership is a desire to stop drinking."
This, through my own experience, I have
found to be true.
Though for several years I rebelled
against the archaic wording of the Big
Book (published in 1939) and its maledominated language, my desire to stop
drinking finally outweighed my desire for
society to reflect my personal views. Once
I grasped this - that I can believe in God
as I understand what that means - then I
could get on with developing spiritually.
Some days, though much less often than
in the early years, I can't find my belief
and am again an atheist. This is not bad,
just honest. Many of my friends call the
higher power Goddess, others call it God,
some use other names. I find that the
names don't matter except as a personal
preference. The true test is-does it work?
I do not consider AA a self-help program, but rather a way of life. As the Big
Book says, self-centeredness is the root of
my problems so I must learn how to get
outside myself to help others. Consequently, I am helped . This is the corner-

stone of Alcoholics Anonymous-carrying the message to other alcoholics that
there is a solution to the drink problem. It
is only by my continued attendance at AA
meetings and daily working of the Steps
that I am able to find out how I may best
serve others . The paradox here is that one
can't give away what one doesn't have,
that to keep it, one must give it away. The
beauty of paradoxes is that they don't
have to make sense all at the same time!
AA is an anonymous program. The
main reason behind this is that anonymity
is a spiritual concept, the principles of the
program being much more important
than those who espouse them. Hence,
though I may tell friends of my AA
attendance if I deem that necessary,
anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV,
and films is an important tradition which
also embodies the principle I mentioned
earlier-no one speaks for AA as a
whole.
In closing, I must mention that I am
still not successful in an economic sense
and have taken a lot of hard knocks to get
where I am today. But, as my mother
always said-it's a hard row to hoe but I
want potatoes! What I do have today is a
change of heart toward life and a joy of
living which I could not have made up on
my own . Alcoholics Anonymous has
opened the door for me and for this I am
gratefully indebted.
•

"Grant me the
serenity to accept
those things I
cannot change; The
courage to change
those things I can;
and the wisdom to
know the
difference."

HSR, JUNE, 1990

5

(continued from page 1)
12 step meetings provide a safe space in
which to share experiences, feelings,
strengths, and hopes and to hear and learn
from others. 12 step meetings for just
about any manifesting dysfunctional behavior are available for support of the
recovering individual. These include Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous (SLAA), Co-dependents
Anonymous (CoDA), Incest Survivors
Anonymous (ISA), Al-Anon (for those
who care about and are affected by an
alcoholic), Emotions Anonymous (EA),
Overeaters Anonymous (OA), Gamblers
Anonymous (GA), and many more. Most
can be located by contacting Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Tools for recovery include meditation,
self-help books, prayer (to one's Higher
Power, whatever that may be), journaling
or writing, sharing talk, play, as well as
other tools or techniques which may be
used by or suggested by one's counselor
or friends in recovery.
ADDICTION AND EMOTIONAL PAIN
Craig Nakken in The Addictive Personality (Hazelden, 1988), defines addiction
as "a pathological love and trust relationsh ip with an object (alcohol, a drug, a
person, food, etc.) or event" (love, relationship, sex, work, gambling, etc.) in an
attempt to get one's emotional needs met.
He goes on to explain "the practicing
addict has a relationship between the Self
and the addict within; the recovering
addict has a relationship between Self and
others". The healthy person gets her
emotional needs met through intimate
(honest, open) relationships with other
people, herself, her community, AND a
spiritual power greater than herself. Each
of these requires reaching out (on an
emotional level) from the Self and then
back into the Self, something the addict
has lost the ability to do or never learned
how to do. Addiction causes emotional
withdrawal. When the addict feels emotional pain-aniety, fear, loneliness,
anger, sadness, etc.-she acts out the
addiction of choice to relieve it. The
relationship between the Self and 'the
addict within is activated to ease the pain.
Addiction has been called a "baffling and
devious disease". It has been discovered
that when a person learns to control one
addiction she often switches to another
mood-altering behavior (another addiction). Because this is not a conscious
process, and because it takes energy, time
and a great deal of courage and honesty to
explore, it is one easily denied by many.

6

HSR, JUNE, 1990

The emotional pain avoided and eased,
yet prolonged by the addictive processes
originates in childhood experience. These
experiences may include sexual abuse,
emotional abuse, and/ or mental abuse,
either overt or covert, direct or indirect.
Incest (defined here as a sexual violation
perpetrated on anyone in a subordinate
position by anyone, related or unrelated,
in a position of trusted authority), in
which trust and boundaries are violated
on a deeply personal level, is often found
in the history of women in recovery.
Sexual, emotional, physical, or mental
abuse programs us for addictive/ dysfunctional behaviors and self-destructive, painful interpersonal experiences in adulthood.
The effect of abuse in childhood is in
unmet emotional needs. Throughout adolescence and adulthood we attempt to
compensate for these unmet needs by
developing addictions or co-dependent
behaviors and an emotionally dishonest
lifestyle which help us cope with life, and
the pain that unmet needs causes us.
Unfortunately, these dysfunctional behaviors also help us to avoid confronting
and working through the pain of childhood. Recovery is not about placing
blame, our parents taught us only what
they were taught. They did the best they
knew how to do. It is believed that
dysfunction is passed down from generation to generation. These diseases keep us
from connecting with and developing an
honest, open relationship with the Self
and others; they imprison the only part of
us that can fully experience the joy of
living. That part of us that is necessary to
reach our potential as human beings ... the
Self.
In most cases one must hit an emotional bottom before she becomes willing
to go to any lengths to change. Remember
these are life-long patterns of behavior
that the woman in recovery is trying to
break. It is essential for her to have a
group of healthy individuals to support
her through this painful process of change
and healing. It is in the 12-step meetings
that such individuals can be found.
Recovery offers us a pathway to the
Self, a roadmap to wholeness. It supports
us in changing behaviors and thought
processes. It teaches us to nuture ourselves and encourages us to give birth to
the goddess within. Recovery is an ongoing process, a lifestyle, for if we are not
practicing recovery in our daily affairs, we
are practicing one or more of the multitude of addictions or co-dependency. Practicing our disease helps us avoid ourselves
and manipulate life. Recovery helps us
face ourselves and face life on life's terms.
Recovery is personal growth , emotional

growth. Successfully practiced, recovery
leads to a fuller, richer, happier life- a
new freedom .

REOOVERY: a new way of life!
*Co-dependency has been defined by the
First National Conference on Co-dependency, held in September, 1989, as
"A pattern of painful dependence on
compulsive behaviors and on approval
from others in an attempt to find safety,
self-worth, and identity."

GROUP
COUNSELING
OFFERED AT
HERLAND
Beginning Monday, June 11, at 7:00
p.m. group counseling will be offered at
Herland.
Counseling will focus on current issues
in each woman's life and exploration of the
origins of today's p roblem behaviors,
along with methods to facilitate healing
and emotional growth. 12-step philosophy
and meetings will be enco uraged as an
adjunct healing medium to ' the group
counseling process. Fee for each weekly
session will be set up on a sliding scale
from $15 to $1, based upon one's ability
to pay.
Space is limited to 8 participants. To
assure your place in the group or for more
information call Karen at 528-315 L
First meeting of the group wil be on
Monday, June 11at7:00 p,m ,, at Herland ,
2312 N .W. 39th Street, Any woman who
wishes to take part is welcome.
•

FUNDRAISING
Can you sponsor a day in the life of
Herland? Did you know that it takes a
little over $25 a day to operate Herland?
Your donation of25 or 30 dollars will help
make a day in the life ofHerland. Are you
saying to yourselfl'd really like to help but
$25 is too rich for my blood? We'll accept
anything you can spare to sustain what has
become a nationally respected women's
organization. We're one of a kind. Also,
remember th:}t your donation is tax deductable. We at Herland say THANKS for
your wonderful support.
•

BE A PART OF HERLAND
WELCOME! to more than fifty new
readers, who signed up for the Berland
Voice while at the National Lesbian Conference organizing meeting in Kansas
City the weekend of April 28. We are
glad to have you join us, and extend our
apologies for the garbling of some of your
names on the address labels - we couldn't
make out your writing sometimes. We
hope they all get through . .... .
MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW!
Berland will present Elaine Townsend,
an up-and-coming musician from the
California Bay area, in concert on July
28. Watch for details in the July issue of
the Voice ... ..
SAPPHO, a women's choir, has had 3
meetings so far. There are 12 women involved
and we need more! All interested women
are encouraged to attend. For more
information, call Mary Reynolds at
528-0020 ... .. .
WOMEN'S SUNDANCE - come support a week-long Native American women's ceremony held in the Arizona high
desert July 1- 8 . For details call Roddey
at 364-7596 ..... .
Local all-woman sweatlodge is being
organized. Call Roddey at 364-7596 for
details ..... .
Organizers of the Village Inn Boycott
report the Village Inn management has
still not respo nded to concerns regarding
a waiter physically accosting a female
customer. The boycott continues ..... .
EARTH DAY '90 at Berland was a
success: we planted three trees (two
Bradford Pears and one flowering Crabapple), iris, moss rose, lilies, wisteria,
elephant ears and more. It was a good
feeling having hands deep in the good dirt
at Berland; many thanks to all those who
worked so hard: Sally, Margaret, Jeri,
Karen, Kathy, Michelle, Teresa, Kay and
Barbara, and Ginger and Candy, who
mostly were inside painting. Peggy and
Sally did much of the ground preparation
the day before, including moving lots of
bricks and concrete blocks and making a
path to the parking lot.

And thanks expecially to Barbara
Tate, who donated the trees and most of
the above mentioned plants, as well as
many evergreens which are going in the
back yard ..... .

The First Unitarian Church of OKC
will present Tom Paxton in a benefit
concert on June 5, 1990 at 7 p.m. at St.
Luke's Methodist Church, 222 N.W.
15th, OKC. Proceeds from the concert
benefit the Rest Day Shelter For the
Homeless. Tickets are $10 and are available in advance only. Tickets may be
obtained by sending a check or money
order to: Tom Paxton Tickets, Box 1683,
OKC, OK 73101. For information call
232-9224 . .. . . .
The Women's Project presents "Surviving and Resisting Lesbian and Gay
Hating," a workshop designed for lesbians and gay men to examine the impact
of society's homophobia on their lives,
on June 20 at the Women's Project, 2224
Main St., Little Rock, AR. The workshop will be lead by Suzanne Pharr, the
a.uthor of Homophobia: A Weapon of
Sexism. The $20 registration must be
received at the Women's Project one
week prior to the training ..... .
The OU Women's Studies Program
has announced the establishment of
prizes to be offered to talented students.
The Afleck-Carroll Prize, awarded in
honor of Marilyn Afleck, Associate Professor of Sociology, who is retiring as
Assistant Director of the Women's
Studies Program will be awarded to a
woman Ph.D . candidate with preference
to those whose work is related to, or
influenced by Women's Studies. The
winner will wear at her graduation the
cap and gown and Ph.D. hood of Laverne
Carroll, Professor Emerita of Library
Science. The Hillyer Prize, named in
honor of Barbara Hillyer, Associate Professor of Human Relations and founding
Director of Women's Studies at OU, will
be awarded to an undergraduate Women's
Studies student. Both prizes will include a
cash honorarium . . ... .
Women are being actively recruited
by the FAA for positions as Electronics
Systems Specialists. No experience is required. Salaries start at $16,305 . For
information contact: Nancy E. Wigal at
(804) 222-7383 . . . . . .

Berland is the collective effort of the
women of Oklahoma. You can be a part of
creating and sustaining this very special
community we call Berland. Join a committee, volunteer to work in the resource
center, or make a contribution to help
meet the monthly expenses. Herland will
be what you make it.
YES, I want to help Herland continue
to grow.
D

I'm interested in working on a committe. Please have the committee
chair call me.

D

I'd like to vo lunteer at Herland .
Please have the volunteer coordinator call me with more information.

D

Here's my contribution of _ _ __
to help support Herland.

Name: _ _ __ _ _ __ __ __
Phone - - - - - - -- - - - -

Address---- - - - - - - - City _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ __
State/ZIP - - - - - - - - - - -

OKLAHOMA WOMEN
AGAINST VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMEN
in conjunction with Herland Sister
Resources, Metro OKC NOW, and
many other women's groups
are sponsoring a

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
MARCH & RALLY
Friday, June 8th, 1990, 8:00 p.m.
Memorial Park, 36th & Classen,
Oklahoma City

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!
Articles, poetry, graphics, short fiction are needed for the Voice. The July
issue will focus on Women and Poverty.
The August issue will feature Children's
Rights. The deadline for each issue is the
5th of the previous month.
•

HSR, JUNE, 1990

7

848-5429

M. COLEEN WOODY

MARILYN D. BEST

ATTORNEYS-AT -LAW

General Practice

SHIRLEY M. HUNTER, M. Ed.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSE LOR

Emphasis on the problems of gay people.
PENN PARK OFFICE COMPLEX e SUITE 102
5009 N. PENNSYLVANIA e OKLAHOMA CITY, OK73112

1518 N.W. 29th St.
Oklahoma City, OK 73106

405 - 525 -2174

366-09'2.3
~2. ~' mt.~cL.
Mental Health Counselor

IIBLEN HOLGATE

4801 N. Classen
Suite 147
Oklahoma City, OK 73118

(405) 842-7577
(405) 528 - 3151

Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
Counselor

Honoring what is in your body, so that it can unwind
into its own truth. We are always moving
toward health, if we'll only allow it.

Sam L. Nicolosi, D.V.M.

NICOLOSI ANIMAL HOSPITAL

THE ASTON MASSAGE

2
by Appointment
Phone ( 405) 947- 5545

4015 N.W. 23rd
Oklahoma City

TREAT YOURSEL T TO THE "TOUCH OF GOLD."

Treat your special someone, too, for $10 off her massage!

HEALTHFUL • STRESS RELIEVING MASSAGE

6y

Melanie . ~·

MASSAGE THERAPIST

Her land
readers!

8

McKiddy

HSR, JUNE, 1990

360-6945

Practitioner

(405) 942-4748
(405) 524-2958

Edwina V. Johnson, D.D.S.
"Catering to Cowards needing Tender Care"
in Comprehensive Dentistry

'Oouch of Qold
Special
discounts
available
to all

RHONDA L. SMITH

"Portable"
massage
table
available
for your
convenience.

5009 North Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 103
(405) 840-5410
Night & Sunday practice by appt . only
Emergencies welcome
Insurance accepted

·\~['I



do~HERLAND ~
JUNE, 1990

RECOVERY: A NEW
WAY OF LIFE(?)
Karen L. Lewis, M.Ed.
James M. Cole, CAC Cand.
RECOVERY: The process of restoring
physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual
health. It is the process through which self
destructive behaviors are reduced or eliminated and self-affirming behaviors are
developed and enhanced. The effects of
successful recovery, over time, can be
profound: increased self-esteem, honest
interpersonal communication, and truly
intimate relationships, diminishing feelings of loneliness/ emptiness, unconditional love for the Self, the ability to
experience joy from within, increased
self-confidence, increased productivity;
the ability to truly live life instead of
simply coping with life.
Recovery is work- a kind unlike any
other. Recovery demands practice of new
behaviors on a daily basis. First and
foremost, it requires honesty. It necessitates breaking denial (the defense mechanism that disallows taking an honest
look at oneself). This is done by making
repeated, rigidly honest and often painful
explorations into the Self. It demands
working to find a lasting serenity and
happiness from within, instead of settling
for the temporary happiness that is found
in a bottle, a drug, a love relationship,
work, gambling, sex, food, television, etc.
Recovery is learning to identify and
becoming sensitive to one's own feelings
and needs, through learning how to communicate those feelings and needs. Recovery provides the tools necessary for
learning how to identify an abusive, selfdestructive situation or relationship; and
developing the courage and self-love to
remove oneself from such situations or
relationships. It requires reaching out to
other people. Most importantly, the
woman in recovery learns to develop a
new relationship with a spiritual Higher
Power (of her own making). With this
conscious contact with her own spirituality, she begins feeling that she is the
most important person in her life. It is
with this realization that recovery truly
begins.
VOLUME 7 NUMBER 6

•

For the woman who chooses it, recovery is likely to be the most difficult
task she will ever undertake, for our
society and upbringing traditionally give
us no preparation or encouragement for
self-exploration, and life-long patterns of
behavior are hard to change. However,
recovery is also likely to be the most
rewarding pursuit she will engage in, for it
can open up a whole new world of ideals
'
self-love and serenity.
Because it is so different than what
we've always done, it may be very difficult
to take the first steps into recovery. It feels
uncomfortable and frightening; it's not
"NORMAL" to us. Some are overcome
by fear and denial, and do not stay.
Others, who do stay, simply go through
the outward motions of recovery, but
continue lying to themselves and don't
really "work the program," therefore,
they do not GROW and remain in essentially the same self-defeating patterns of
behavior that brought them into the
program. The key ingredient in successful
recovery is the ability to be honest, openminded, and willing.
Recovery depends upon developing a
carmg relationship with the Self- something society in every way imaginable
pushes us away from. The paradox is, one
cannot develop genuine intimate relationships with others without first developing
one with the Self.
VEHICLES AND TOOLS
Primary vehicles for recovery are treatment or therapy and 12 step meetings.
Treatment or therapy focuses on the
manifesting dysfunctional behavior( s) or
"disease(s)" as they are often called by
professionals. The manifesting disease
may be co-dependency,* alcoholism,
drug, food, sex, love, relationship, gambling, television addiction, etc. Treatment
differs from 12 step meetings in that it
helps to identify, work through and resolve the childhood experiences which are
the foundation for dysfunctional behaviors, and offers the feedback and interac.tive group process that expedites exploration and healing. A woman may find it
necessary to go through treatment before
recovery begins to have significant benefits to her.

ICE

1990 GAY AND
LESBIAN PRIDE
PARADE
The 1990 Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade
will be held Sunday, June 17 as the kick-off
for Gay and Lesbian Pride Week in Oklahoma City. Parade activities will begin at
Memorial Park, N.W. 36th and Classen at
1 :00 p.m. with the parade beginning at
2:00 p.m. The parade will feature floats
and marchers representing area organizations as well as a return performance by
the Oak Lawn Symphonic Band from
Dallas.
The theme for the 1990 Gay and Lesbian
Parade is "Look to the Future" and is a
celebration to promote education and
awareness in the gay, lesbian and heterosexual communities.
The Parade will conclude with a street
festival at N.W. 39th and Barnes, which
will include live music, craft booths, and
booths by area organizations.
Information about the 1990 Pride Parade and Festival is available at Oasis
Resource Center, (405) 525-2437.
•

SUMMER SOLSTICE
SHOWCASE
Celetrate the Summer Solstice and Gay
and Lesbian Pride Week with Herland at
the Summer Solstice Showcase.
The Showcase will feature Oklahoma
City's outstanding women musicians.
Scheduled to appear are the Desert Heart
Band, Janis Galloway, Peggy Johnson, and
Mary Reynolds.
The Summer Solstice Showcase will be
held at the Porthole (N.W. 39th and
Portland) at 9 p .m. on June 21. Admission
is $3.00 at the door.
•

(continued on page 6)

HER LAND SISTER RESOURCES

•

2312 N.W. 39th, OKC, OK 73112

•

(405) 521-9696

NEW COSPONSORS
SIGN ON TO CIVIL
RIGHTS BILL
Washington, D.C.-More than 90,000
post cards on the Federal Gay and Lesbian
Civil Rights Bill have been printed and
distributed to thousands of individuals
and organizations in a nationwide lobbying
onslaught organized by the National Gay
and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF). In
addition, NGLTF's National Lobby Days
will be held in June this year to capitalize
on the massive mobilization of gays and
lesbians celebrating pride events around
the U.S.
The post card campaign is designed to
increase awareness and cosponsorship of
the Gay and Lesbian Civil Rights Bill. The
bill currently has 79 cosponsors in the
House of Representatives and 10 in the
Senate. Four lawmakers have signed on
since the start of the campaign last February: Representatives Bill Gray (D-PA);
Gerry Sikorski (D-MN); Jose Serrano (DNY); Craig Washington (D-TX); and
Senator Claiborne Pell (D-RI).
"The post card campaign is helping us
lay the groundwork of constituent support
that will enable us to pass the Gay and
Lesbian Civil Rights Bill, which we plan on
doing this decade,'' said Peri Jude Radecic,
NGLTF legislative director.
The bill, S4 7 in the Senate and HR655
in the House, is officially called the Civil
Rights Amendment Act of 1989. It provides broad anti-discrimination protections for gays and lesbians by prohibiting
discrimination in hcusing, employment,
public accommodations and federally
assisted programs based on affection or
sexual orientation.
NGLTF urges gays and lesbians to send
their federal lawmakers a pre-printed post
card and ask them to cosponsor the bill.
The post card campaign will continue
through June 1990.
•

2

HSR, JUNE, 1990

TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT
Oklahoma Women Against Violence
Against Women (OWAVAW) will hold a
Take Back the Night Rally and March on
June 8, 1990 at Memorial Park, N .W. 36th
and Classen in Oklahoma City. The theme
of the event is "Sexual Assault Doesn't
Happen to Someone Else, It Happened to
Me."
The evening's events will focus attention
on the problem of sexual assault and its
impact on all women. Featured speakers
include Dr. Vivian Ng of the Oklahoma
University Women's Studies Faculty and
Dreama Moon, former director of the
Oklahoma City YWCA Crisis Intervention Services. Rally music will be led by
Peggy Johnson and Mary Reynolds.
For more information, call Pat Reaves
or Ginger McGovern at 521-9696 (leave
•
message).

RALLY FOR THE
ANIMALS
On Sunday, June 10, 1990, thousands of
people from across the United States will
gather at the Capitol in Washington to
send a simple message to Congress: We
stand together united to ensure justice for
animals. This march is intended to be the
beginning of the end of the abuse and
exploitation of animals, who are so often
the victims of human cruelty, greed and
indifference. If you would like to be part of
a group traveling to Washington for the
march, call Jana Wilson at 799-3697 or
Martha Brown at (918) 583-3652.
For those of us in Oklahoma who would
like to participate but who cannot make
the trip to D.C., there will be a local "Rally
for the Animals" at our State Capitol, also
on June 10, at 3:00 p.m. on the south steps
of the capitol. There will be guest speakers
from across the state to urge and encourage
people to stand together for our fellow
animals.
•

ZOOM BEACH '90
Grab the towels, rafts, water toys and
oils! It's time for Zoom Beach '90! The
traditional ending to Pride Week, it's a fun
and sun party for the community held
annually at Lake Thunderbird. It's the
chance to soak up some rays, chow down
on free food and drink, play games, listen
to tunes, and it's always a feast for the eyes!
Sponsored by the Oasis Foundation,
Zoom Beach will be Sunday, June 24,
beginning at noon and ending at 6 p.m. A
volunteer staff will serve hot-dogs and
other treats from Noon until 4 p.m.
Games and activities will be sponsored by
the University of Oklahoma Gay/Lesbian
Alliance, and are a great way to show your
stuff!
Zoom Beach always draws a large
crowd, but there's plenty of room for
everyone. Please be courteous when
parking your vehicles, keeping to the
parking lots provided and off the road.
Due to licensing regulations, Zoom
Beach will not be allowed to offer free
beer this year, something we regret. We
invite you to bring your own beer or
coolers, but ask that you purchase cans
rather than bottles where possible. Hard
liquor is prohibited in the park!
Making Zoom Beach happen requires a
large number of volunteers and supplies.
If you'd like to volunteer for a two-hour
shift, please call Oasis at 525-2437, and
the phone volunteer will schedule you.
Zoom Beach is easy to find: from
Oklahoma City, south on 1-35 to the
Robinson St. exit in Norman. East on
Robinson to 12th Ave., south on 12th to
Alameda, east on Alameda to dead end at
the lake, then north and look for Zoom
Beach on the west side. See you there! •

WOMEN WITH WOMEN
WITH CHILDREN
HURRY - WE ARE A GROUP!! !
WE'RE HAVING A PICNICJUNE 9TH
WILL ROGERS PARK
2:00 P.M.
36th & Portland
Playground on the Portland Side
Sharing common stories and giving
each other encouragement, the
"WWWWC" had a wonderful time at
the retreat.
We are looking forward to a
summer full of activities. Camping,
fishing, hiking, biking and anything
else anyone come's up with.
Feel free to come and join in, everyone is welcome, with or without
children.
If you need more info - call
942-4331.

HSR VOICE COMES
OUT OF THE WRAPPER!
Beginning with the July issue, the Herland
Voice will be published in a new forma t
which will allow mailing without an envelope.
Each copy will be securely stapled on three
sides for mailing, and the outside will
contain only necessary mailing information.
This format change will greatly speed the
process of preparing the Voice for mailing
while continuing to protect the privacy of
our readers.
If you would like to continue receiving the
Voice in an envelope, please return the
coupon below with $7.00 to cover the cost
of first class postage for 1 year.
I wo uld like to receive the Voice by first-class
mail. I'm enclosing $7.00 for 1 year's postage.
Name _ __ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _
Street-- - -- - -- - -- - City _ _ __ _ __ _ _ __ __ _
Sfate/ZIP _ __ __ _ _ __ _ __
If a change of address, what was your previous
zip code? _ _ _ __ _ _ _ __ _ _

OKLAHOMA WOMEN
AGAINST VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMEN
in conjunction with Harland Sister
Resources, Metro OKC NOW, and
many other women's groups
are sponsoring a

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
MARCH & RALLY

HERE WE GO AGAIN
by Sally Blevins
Hello again Gang. Which gang, yo u
ask? I like to think of us as the Lavender
Lilac Gang. Much nicer than the bloods
or some such crude bunch as that. June, it
seems is Women in Recovery Month.
Since we are all hangin' out on the corner
as it were, I thought I might address my
limited but extensive bout with personal
recovery. I'll throw that address in right
here just in case you would like to send
something my way.
SALLY BLEVINS
RU4 Real
Get Serious, OK 14269
Now I guess I should clear up that little
mud puddle I left in the middle of the
page. I am limited in that I don't drink,
don't smoke and as the song says, "what
do you do?" I believe I have left a clue to
this in the previous passages, but to get on
with it, I am a recovering co-dependent.
And as you are reading, please don't confuse
co-dependent with co-defendent- NOT
the same thing, although a good codependent will take the blame for other
peoples' problems. I was one of the best
at the art of taking responsibility for what
I have absolutely NO CONTROL of.
Take for instance today-a wonderfully
rainy and gloomy day for the Arts
Festival. Now in my former condition, I
would apologize to the world and all those
in if for the rain screwing up the festivities, but thanks to therapy (of many
kinds) and the use of the intelligence I was
born with, I no longer believe I have the
power to control the weather. (Although
it would be a great way to make money
thru blackmail!)
I am constantly trying to set boundaries
for myself so that I don't fall back into the
same old muck and mire. This also brings
around the point that I am now and
always will be in recovery. It is very easy
to fall back and do those same things all
over again. Kind of like-go directly to
jail, do not pass go, do not receive $200.
So as I salute those of you running this
uphill race with me with an upraised glass
of purified water-Keep on Keepin' On!
Later. Sally.
•

Friday, June 8th, 1990, 8:00 p.m.
Memorial Park, 36th &Classen,
Oklahoma City

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!
HSR, JUNE, 1990

3

DENIAL IN 12-STEP GROUPS
An editorial by Deborah Fox
My experience of 12-step meetings
was two-fold: on the one hand the
group of people coming together to
support one another's growth was encouraging and very supportive. The
sharing of feelings and experiences was
enlightening and validating. On the
other hand, I felt great discomfort with
the Patriarchally entrenched axiology
and the total lack of acknowledgement
for women's issues from being raised
with the messages that we are "sinful,"
evil temptresses responsible for humanity's exile from the
Garden of Eden, and that we
are "inferior" to men. I had
alot of trouble with the steps
because I felt my life had
been turned over to God (for
the past 5000 years or so)
and as I understood Him, He
didn't like women and, in
fact, did not even claim
women as His creation but as
Adam's! How could I turn
my will and my life over to a
He-God who has never forgiven "Eve," who holds a
grudge towards all women
because of Eve, who condemns all women to bear
children in pain and who so
obviously hates women? The
language used in 12-step
programs is not inclusive
and the Godhead is not
acknowledged as both male
and female . As a woman I know first-hand
how important it is to have language and
images that celebrate, honor, and hold
sacred, femaleness. Our first and often
most formidable issues from being raised
under Patriarchy are an inferiority complex and shame for being born female.

problem whose symptoms are: sexism,
rape, battering, incest/ child-abuse, codependency (which is, by the way, the
patriarchal stereo-type of a "good"
mother, wife, and woman), racism, high
crime rates, greed, poverty, ecological
deterioration/ destruction, war, alcoholism, drug-abuse, anorexia/ bulemia, overeating, etc. I believe people feel powerless
to change the world the white men have
made and therefore seek forms of excape
from its miseries - that alcoholism is first
a symptom and then a second problem to

I had been reproached for not attending
meetings daily and had been accused of
minimalizing on some of my issues that
I felt were of a minor degree. Since one
of my women's issues is an amazing
potential for guilt, I felt guilty for
knowing what I need and what is right
for me! Whether we can never take a
drink again, or need to work on changing dysfunctional behaviors, we need to
know we can grow, heal, get better that "problems" are really challenges
that lead us to growth, and that we
come around the sacred
spiral within. We are wiser,
stronger, healthier, and we
realize we are competent.

I'm enraged by the minimalization
of women's oppression and issues.
I'm enraged by being dishonored
and excluded because of my
femaleness. I believe a good
program is about the whole
truth, about Naming, about
coming
out of denial and awakening,
about growth and trans[ormation,
and therefore about being female
in a rnale.-dominated society."

In order to deal with and heal any issue
effectively we must acknowledge and understand their root causes. If, for example: an
ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
does not acknowledge the alcoholism and
ensuing dysfunction in their childhood
home they are unable to begin recovery
no matter how much therapy they may
attend. 12-step slogan would say they are
still "in denial." Naming/ diagnosing is
the first step in the healing process.
I believe white male supremacy and
domination are the root causes of the

the original.
· We women have been conditioned to
sit back and "take it," whatever " it" is the
men dish out, and our deep capacity for
understanding is so exonerated we often
shortchange ourselves. Well, I won't join
a 12-step program where 99% of those
attending deny the problems inherent in
Patriarchy, namely women's oppression.
12-step slogan would say those 99% are
"enablers." The 12-step program was
designed by men conditioned by Patriarchy. We women could design our own
Program that acknowledges women's
issues and uses language and images that
empower.
Another thing I found disempower-ing
in the 12-step programs was the attitude
that I had been permanently damaged as a
result of being raised by an alcoholic, and
that I could not know what is right for me;

I'm enraged by the minimalization of women's oppression and issues. I'm enraged
by being dishonored and excluded because of my femaleness. I believe a good program is about the whole
truth, about Naming, about
coming out of denial and
awakening, about growth and
transformation, and therefore about being female in a
male-dominated society. An
honest program would embrace all the issues, all their
sources , and face the fact
that the male-dominated system is itself dysfunctional. It
is painfully obvious to me
that the 12-step program
needs to grow ... I propose we women
create a new Program to meet our
needs and the growing needs of our
transforming world.

I recommend reading: The Chalice
And The Blade, by Riane Eisler, Of
Woman Born, by Adrienne Rich,
Women's Reality and When Society Becomes An Addict, by Ann Wilson
Schaef, The G-eat Cosmic Mother, by
Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor, and
The Once And Future Goddess, by
Elinor W . Gadon.

If you would like a copy of the "13steps" of WOO: Women Of Oppression
that I have designed, send an S .A.S .E.
to: D . Fox, Rt. 1, Box 29, Mountain
Park , OK 73559.
•

~

1990
Monday

Sunday

Tuesday

Friday

\\lednesday Thursday

1

MARY
at
Mary's 9 p.m.
Reservations
Reauired
c.all

Every Wednesday at Noon; Silent Vigil for Peace in Central America;
Fourth & Robinson; across the street from the Federal Building.
CODA meeting, every Friday at Herland, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.

3.

,5

4

7=

6

MISS BROWN
TO YOU
11:45 a.m.
Kerr Park

TRACY
CHAPMAN
al the Zoo
Amphitheater

10

12

II

13

14

24

ZOOM BEACH
al Lake
Thunderbird

Pe~~y

Johnson
at the
Cantin a
9:00 p.m.

8
TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT!!!
March & Rally
7:00 p.m.
MeA!orial Park
OKC

15

g

w1.11w1.11c

<Women With
WoA!en With
Children>
PICNIC
2:00 p.111.
Will Ro~ers
Park

16
Men's Glee
Club
in Concert
call

S25-2437
for details

19

18

20

21

Bowlin~

TournaAlent
al
Brunswick
Lanes
6:30 IJ.m.

FATHER'S DAY
·- -

2

528-0020

RALLY
for the
ANIMALS
J:OO p.m.
South steps
of lhe
Capitol
IJGAY PRIDE
MARCH &
RALLY
LJO p.m.
Memorial Park

Sat.urday

25

-

26

f

•

27.
"

•,

OIORIKS ON
ZAHA RI AS

1914-1956

''

·.

.

"

EMMA
GOLDMAN

1869-1940

22

23

29

30

HERL AND
GAY PRIDE
SHOW CASE
9 p.m.
al the
Porthole

2

~talewide

Workshop on
Child Sexual
Abuse; al
Baptist Med
Center: call

·3 64-9424

fbr details.

HERLAND SISTER

RESOURCES
2312 N\W 39TH, OKC 73112 - C405l 521-9696

1111
Ill

MY 12-STEP
EXPERIENCE
A guest editorial
I am a recovering alcoholic, clean and
sober with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous
and the Twelve Steps of that program. I
attended my first AA meeting in 1979
and was consistently around the program
(though I wasn't consistently sober) up
until my last drunk in 1983 . Since that
time, I have been very active in AA. As
the saying goes, alcohol was my drug of
choice, though I now realize that other
drugs affect me similarly (once I start, I
can't stop) and, indeed, lead me back to
drinking. I have been drug-free also since
1983.
Though I do not profess to know any
more or less about how AA works than
others who practice the Steps, I am wellingrained with AA experience and have
attended meeting in several European
countries and in a number of these United
States. I also have had a fleeting acquaintance with the Loners-Internationalist newsletter for those who are so-situated that meetings are not available. I feel
fortunate to live in a city now which has
many meetings every day.
I owe my sobriety solely to the Twelve
Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous which
continue to give me many gifts stemming
from two basic things - a belief in a
power greater than a human power (a
spiritual belief) and contact with other
alcoholics who share in this sober way of
life. One of the beautiful things about AA
is that noone spekas for AA as a whole
and so here I set forth my own opinions and
experience with the program though I am
certainly not alone in my views . This is
another great joy I have received-I am
no longer the loner I once was and I have
not had to sacrifice individuality to
receive the gift.
I am a low bottom drunk in many
repects though I did not drink for very
long and could have gone much lower.
The overriding factor of what drinking
did to me was not that I lost everything I
had but that, despite intelligence and
potential, I never gained much of anything to lose (I do not necessarily mean
material gains). Alcohol was the center of
my life . I was mentally and, to a lesser
degree, physically obsessed with it and
was not conscious of my spiritual nature.
Though alcohol sometimes rendered me
mean, I was not a bad person, mainly just
a drunk, non-functional one.

When I first started sobering up seven
years ago, I didn't have a job and was
mentally incapable of holding one. This
afforded me a great opportunity to attend
many meetings and concentrate on the
Twelve Steps. Through odd jobs, my bills
were paid . I listened to people who were
staying sober. I learned about patience
and one day at a time. I learned from the
Big Book of AA that "we simply do not
stop drinking so long as we placed
dependence upon other people ahead of
dependence on God." I learned, surprisingly enough, that alcohol was but a
symptom of the disease of alcoholism and
a vigorous course of action was necessary
to ensure that I did not pick up that first
drink.
I am also an Adult Child of Alcoholics
(ACA), though I remember when there
was no such thing as an ACA meeting. l
have received much help from attending
Alanon meetings and also view the Steps
from that perspective . (Alanon is a
Tw~lve-Step Program for friends and relatives of alcoholics who also find that their
lives are unmanageable.)
Just for the record, I am a lesbian
feminist, though I have not found this to
be a barrier to my recovery. According to
the Third Tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous, "The only requirement for AA
membership is a desire to stop drinking."
This, through my own experience, I have
found to be true.
Though for several years I rebelled
against the archaic wording of the Big
Book (published in 1939) and its maledominated language, my desire to stop
drinking finally outweighed my desire for
society to reflect my personal views. Once
I grasped this - that I can believe in God
as I understand what that means - then I
could get on with developing spiritually.
Some days, though much less often than
in the early years, I can't find my belief
and am again an atheist. This is not bad,
just honest. Many of my friends call the
higher power Goddess, others call it God,
some use other names. I find that the
names don't matter except as a personal
preference. The true test is-does it work?
I do not consider AA a self-help program, but rather a way of life. As the Big
Book says, self-centeredness is the root of
my problems so I must learn how to get
outside myself to help others. Consequently, I am helped . This is the corner-

stone of Alcoholics Anonymous-carrying the message to other alcoholics that
there is a solution to the drink problem. It
is only by my continued attendance at AA
meetings and daily working of the Steps
that I am able to find out how I may best
serve others . The paradox here is that one
can't give away what one doesn't have,
that to keep it, one must give it away. The
beauty of paradoxes is that they don't
have to make sense all at the same time!
AA is an anonymous program. The
main reason behind this is that anonymity
is a spiritual concept, the principles of the
program being much more important
than those who espouse them. Hence,
though I may tell friends of my AA
attendance if I deem that necessary,
anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV,
and films is an important tradition which
also embodies the principle I mentioned
earlier-no one speaks for AA as a
whole.
In closing, I must mention that I am
still not successful in an economic sense
and have taken a lot of hard knocks to get
where I am today. But, as my mother
always said-it's a hard row to hoe but I
want potatoes! What I do have today is a
change of heart toward life and a joy of
living which I could not have made up on
my own . Alcoholics Anonymous has
opened the door for me and for this I am
gratefully indebted.
•

"Grant me the
serenity to accept
those things I
cannot change; The
courage to change
those things I can;
and the wisdom to
know the
difference."

HSR, JUNE, 1990

5

(continued from page 1)
12 step meetings provide a safe space in
which to share experiences, feelings,
strengths, and hopes and to hear and learn
from others. 12 step meetings for just
about any manifesting dysfunctional behavior are available for support of the
recovering individual. These include Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous (SLAA), Co-dependents
Anonymous (CoDA), Incest Survivors
Anonymous (ISA), Al-Anon (for those
who care about and are affected by an
alcoholic), Emotions Anonymous (EA),
Overeaters Anonymous (OA), Gamblers
Anonymous (GA), and many more. Most
can be located by contacting Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Tools for recovery include meditation,
self-help books, prayer (to one's Higher
Power, whatever that may be), journaling
or writing, sharing talk, play, as well as
other tools or techniques which may be
used by or suggested by one's counselor
or friends in recovery.
ADDICTION AND EMOTIONAL PAIN
Craig Nakken in The Addictive Personality (Hazelden, 1988), defines addiction
as "a pathological love and trust relationsh ip with an object (alcohol, a drug, a
person, food, etc.) or event" (love, relationship, sex, work, gambling, etc.) in an
attempt to get one's emotional needs met.
He goes on to explain "the practicing
addict has a relationship between the Self
and the addict within; the recovering
addict has a relationship between Self and
others". The healthy person gets her
emotional needs met through intimate
(honest, open) relationships with other
people, herself, her community, AND a
spiritual power greater than herself. Each
of these requires reaching out (on an
emotional level) from the Self and then
back into the Self, something the addict
has lost the ability to do or never learned
how to do. Addiction causes emotional
withdrawal. When the addict feels emotional pain-aniety, fear, loneliness,
anger, sadness, etc.-she acts out the
addiction of choice to relieve it. The
relationship between the Self and 'the
addict within is activated to ease the pain.
Addiction has been called a "baffling and
devious disease". It has been discovered
that when a person learns to control one
addiction she often switches to another
mood-altering behavior (another addiction). Because this is not a conscious
process, and because it takes energy, time
and a great deal of courage and honesty to
explore, it is one easily denied by many.

6

HSR, JUNE, 1990

The emotional pain avoided and eased,
yet prolonged by the addictive processes
originates in childhood experience. These
experiences may include sexual abuse,
emotional abuse, and/ or mental abuse,
either overt or covert, direct or indirect.
Incest (defined here as a sexual violation
perpetrated on anyone in a subordinate
position by anyone, related or unrelated,
in a position of trusted authority), in
which trust and boundaries are violated
on a deeply personal level, is often found
in the history of women in recovery.
Sexual, emotional, physical, or mental
abuse programs us for addictive/ dysfunctional behaviors and self-destructive, painful interpersonal experiences in adulthood.
The effect of abuse in childhood is in
unmet emotional needs. Throughout adolescence and adulthood we attempt to
compensate for these unmet needs by
developing addictions or co-dependent
behaviors and an emotionally dishonest
lifestyle which help us cope with life, and
the pain that unmet needs causes us.
Unfortunately, these dysfunctional behaviors also help us to avoid confronting
and working through the pain of childhood. Recovery is not about placing
blame, our parents taught us only what
they were taught. They did the best they
knew how to do. It is believed that
dysfunction is passed down from generation to generation. These diseases keep us
from connecting with and developing an
honest, open relationship with the Self
and others; they imprison the only part of
us that can fully experience the joy of
living. That part of us that is necessary to
reach our potential as human beings ... the
Self.
In most cases one must hit an emotional bottom before she becomes willing
to go to any lengths to change. Remember
these are life-long patterns of behavior
that the woman in recovery is trying to
break. It is essential for her to have a
group of healthy individuals to support
her through this painful process of change
and healing. It is in the 12-step meetings
that such individuals can be found.
Recovery offers us a pathway to the
Self, a roadmap to wholeness. It supports
us in changing behaviors and thought
processes. It teaches us to nuture ourselves and encourages us to give birth to
the goddess within. Recovery is an ongoing process, a lifestyle, for if we are not
practicing recovery in our daily affairs, we
are practicing one or more of the multitude of addictions or co-dependency. Practicing our disease helps us avoid ourselves
and manipulate life. Recovery helps us
face ourselves and face life on life's terms.
Recovery is personal growth , emotional

growth. Successfully practiced, recovery
leads to a fuller, richer, happier life- a
new freedom .

REOOVERY: a new way of life!
*Co-dependency has been defined by the
First National Conference on Co-dependency, held in September, 1989, as
"A pattern of painful dependence on
compulsive behaviors and on approval
from others in an attempt to find safety,
self-worth, and identity."

GROUP
COUNSELING
OFFERED AT
HERLAND
Beginning Monday, June 11, at 7:00
p.m. group counseling will be offered at
Herland.
Counseling will focus on current issues
in each woman's life and exploration of the
origins of today's p roblem behaviors,
along with methods to facilitate healing
and emotional growth. 12-step philosophy
and meetings will be enco uraged as an
adjunct healing medium to ' the group
counseling process. Fee for each weekly
session will be set up on a sliding scale
from $15 to $1, based upon one's ability
to pay.
Space is limited to 8 participants. To
assure your place in the group or for more
information call Karen at 528-315 L
First meeting of the group wil be on
Monday, June 11at7:00 p,m ,, at Herland ,
2312 N .W. 39th Street, Any woman who
wishes to take part is welcome.
•

FUNDRAISING
Can you sponsor a day in the life of
Herland? Did you know that it takes a
little over $25 a day to operate Herland?
Your donation of25 or 30 dollars will help
make a day in the life ofHerland. Are you
saying to yourselfl'd really like to help but
$25 is too rich for my blood? We'll accept
anything you can spare to sustain what has
become a nationally respected women's
organization. We're one of a kind. Also,
remember th:}t your donation is tax deductable. We at Herland say THANKS for
your wonderful support.
•

BE A PART OF HERLAND
WELCOME! to more than fifty new
readers, who signed up for the Berland
Voice while at the National Lesbian Conference organizing meeting in Kansas
City the weekend of April 28. We are
glad to have you join us, and extend our
apologies for the garbling of some of your
names on the address labels - we couldn't
make out your writing sometimes. We
hope they all get through . .... .
MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW!
Berland will present Elaine Townsend,
an up-and-coming musician from the
California Bay area, in concert on July
28. Watch for details in the July issue of
the Voice ... ..
SAPPHO, a women's choir, has had 3
meetings so far. There are 12 women involved
and we need more! All interested women
are encouraged to attend. For more
information, call Mary Reynolds at
528-0020 ... .. .
WOMEN'S SUNDANCE - come support a week-long Native American women's ceremony held in the Arizona high
desert July 1- 8 . For details call Roddey
at 364-7596 ..... .
Local all-woman sweatlodge is being
organized. Call Roddey at 364-7596 for
details ..... .
Organizers of the Village Inn Boycott
report the Village Inn management has
still not respo nded to concerns regarding
a waiter physically accosting a female
customer. The boycott continues ..... .
EARTH DAY '90 at Berland was a
success: we planted three trees (two
Bradford Pears and one flowering Crabapple), iris, moss rose, lilies, wisteria,
elephant ears and more. It was a good
feeling having hands deep in the good dirt
at Berland; many thanks to all those who
worked so hard: Sally, Margaret, Jeri,
Karen, Kathy, Michelle, Teresa, Kay and
Barbara, and Ginger and Candy, who
mostly were inside painting. Peggy and
Sally did much of the ground preparation
the day before, including moving lots of
bricks and concrete blocks and making a
path to the parking lot.

And thanks expecially to Barbara
Tate, who donated the trees and most of
the above mentioned plants, as well as
many evergreens which are going in the
back yard ..... .

The First Unitarian Church of OKC
will present Tom Paxton in a benefit
concert on June 5, 1990 at 7 p.m. at St.
Luke's Methodist Church, 222 N.W.
15th, OKC. Proceeds from the concert
benefit the Rest Day Shelter For the
Homeless. Tickets are $10 and are available in advance only. Tickets may be
obtained by sending a check or money
order to: Tom Paxton Tickets, Box 1683,
OKC, OK 73101. For information call
232-9224 . .. . . .
The Women's Project presents "Surviving and Resisting Lesbian and Gay
Hating," a workshop designed for lesbians and gay men to examine the impact
of society's homophobia on their lives,
on June 20 at the Women's Project, 2224
Main St., Little Rock, AR. The workshop will be lead by Suzanne Pharr, the
a.uthor of Homophobia: A Weapon of
Sexism. The $20 registration must be
received at the Women's Project one
week prior to the training ..... .
The OU Women's Studies Program
has announced the establishment of
prizes to be offered to talented students.
The Afleck-Carroll Prize, awarded in
honor of Marilyn Afleck, Associate Professor of Sociology, who is retiring as
Assistant Director of the Women's
Studies Program will be awarded to a
woman Ph.D . candidate with preference
to those whose work is related to, or
influenced by Women's Studies. The
winner will wear at her graduation the
cap and gown and Ph.D. hood of Laverne
Carroll, Professor Emerita of Library
Science. The Hillyer Prize, named in
honor of Barbara Hillyer, Associate Professor of Human Relations and founding
Director of Women's Studies at OU, will
be awarded to an undergraduate Women's
Studies student. Both prizes will include a
cash honorarium . . ... .
Women are being actively recruited
by the FAA for positions as Electronics
Systems Specialists. No experience is required. Salaries start at $16,305 . For
information contact: Nancy E. Wigal at
(804) 222-7383 . . . . . .

Berland is the collective effort of the
women of Oklahoma. You can be a part of
creating and sustaining this very special
community we call Berland. Join a committee, volunteer to work in the resource
center, or make a contribution to help
meet the monthly expenses. Herland will
be what you make it.
YES, I want to help Herland continue
to grow.
D

I'm interested in working on a committe. Please have the committee
chair call me.

D

I'd like to vo lunteer at Herland .
Please have the volunteer coordinator call me with more information.

D

Here's my contribution of _ _ __
to help support Herland.

Name: _ _ __ _ _ __ __ __
Phone - - - - - - -- - - - -

Address---- - - - - - - - City _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ __
State/ZIP - - - - - - - - - - -

OKLAHOMA WOMEN
AGAINST VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMEN
in conjunction with Herland Sister
Resources, Metro OKC NOW, and
many other women's groups
are sponsoring a

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
MARCH & RALLY
Friday, June 8th, 1990, 8:00 p.m.
Memorial Park, 36th & Classen,
Oklahoma City

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!
Articles, poetry, graphics, short fiction are needed for the Voice. The July
issue will focus on Women and Poverty.
The August issue will feature Children's
Rights. The deadline for each issue is the
5th of the previous month.
•

HSR, JUNE, 1990

7

848-5429

M. COLEEN WOODY

MARILYN D. BEST

ATTORNEYS-AT -LAW

General Practice

SHIRLEY M. HUNTER, M. Ed.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSE LOR

Emphasis on the problems of gay people.
PENN PARK OFFICE COMPLEX e SUITE 102
5009 N. PENNSYLVANIA e OKLAHOMA CITY, OK73112

1518 N.W. 29th St.
Oklahoma City, OK 73106

405 - 525 -2174

366-09'2.3
~2. ~' mt.~cL.
Mental Health Counselor

IIBLEN HOLGATE

4801 N. Classen
Suite 147
Oklahoma City, OK 73118

(405) 842-7577
(405) 528 - 3151

Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
Counselor

Honoring what is in your body, so that it can unwind
into its own truth. We are always moving
toward health, if we'll only allow it.

Sam L. Nicolosi, D.V.M.

NICOLOSI ANIMAL HOSPITAL

THE ASTON MASSAGE

2
by Appointment
Phone ( 405) 947- 5545

4015 N.W. 23rd
Oklahoma City

TREAT YOURSEL T TO THE "TOUCH OF GOLD."

Treat your special someone, too, for $10 off her massage!

HEALTHFUL • STRESS RELIEVING MASSAGE

6y

Melanie . ~·

MASSAGE THERAPIST

Her land
readers!

8

McKiddy

HSR, JUNE, 1990

360-6945

Practitioner

(405) 942-4748
(405) 524-2958

Edwina V. Johnson, D.D.S.
"Catering to Cowards needing Tender Care"
in Comprehensive Dentistry

'Oouch of Qold
Special
discounts
available
to all

RHONDA L. SMITH

"Portable"
massage
table
available
for your
convenience.

5009 North Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 103
(405) 840-5410
Night & Sunday practice by appt . only
Emergencies welcome
Insurance accepted

·\~['I



do~HERLAND ~
JUNE, 1990

RECOVERY: A NEW
WAY OF LIFE(?)
Karen L. Lewis, M.Ed.
James M. Cole, CAC Cand.
RECOVERY: The process of restoring
physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual
health. It is the process through which self
destructive behaviors are reduced or eliminated and self-affirming behaviors are
developed and enhanced. The effects of
successful recovery, over time, can be
profound: increased self-esteem, honest
interpersonal communication, and truly
intimate relationships, diminishing feelings of loneliness/ emptiness, unconditional love for the Self, the ability to
experience joy from within, increased
self-confidence, increased productivity;
the ability to truly live life instead of
simply coping with life.
Recovery is work- a kind unlike any
other. Recovery demands practice of new
behaviors on a daily basis. First and
foremost, it requires honesty. It necessitates breaking denial (the defense mechanism that disallows taking an honest
look at oneself). This is done by making
repeated, rigidly honest and often painful
explorations into the Self. It demands
working to find a lasting serenity and
happiness from within, instead of settling
for the temporary happiness that is found
in a bottle, a drug, a love relationship,
work, gambling, sex, food, television, etc.
Recovery is learning to identify and
becoming sensitive to one's own feelings
and needs, through learning how to communicate those feelings and needs. Recovery provides the tools necessary for
learning how to identify an abusive, selfdestructive situation or relationship; and
developing the courage and self-love to
remove oneself from such situations or
relationships. It requires reaching out to
other people. Most importantly, the
woman in recovery learns to develop a
new relationship with a spiritual Higher
Power (of her own making). With this
conscious contact with her own spirituality, she begins feeling that she is the
most important person in her life. It is
with this realization that recovery truly
begins.
VOLUME 7 NUMBER 6

•

For the woman who chooses it, recovery is likely to be the most difficult
task she will ever undertake, for our
society and upbringing traditionally give
us no preparation or encouragement for
self-exploration, and life-long patterns of
behavior are hard to change. However,
recovery is also likely to be the most
rewarding pursuit she will engage in, for it
can open up a whole new world of ideals
'
self-love and serenity.
Because it is so different than what
we've always done, it may be very difficult
to take the first steps into recovery. It feels
uncomfortable and frightening; it's not
"NORMAL" to us. Some are overcome
by fear and denial, and do not stay.
Others, who do stay, simply go through
the outward motions of recovery, but
continue lying to themselves and don't
really "work the program," therefore,
they do not GROW and remain in essentially the same self-defeating patterns of
behavior that brought them into the
program. The key ingredient in successful
recovery is the ability to be honest, openminded, and willing.
Recovery depends upon developing a
carmg relationship with the Self- something society in every way imaginable
pushes us away from. The paradox is, one
cannot develop genuine intimate relationships with others without first developing
one with the Self.
VEHICLES AND TOOLS
Primary vehicles for recovery are treatment or therapy and 12 step meetings.
Treatment or therapy focuses on the
manifesting dysfunctional behavior( s) or
"disease(s)" as they are often called by
professionals. The manifesting disease
may be co-dependency,* alcoholism,
drug, food, sex, love, relationship, gambling, television addiction, etc. Treatment
differs from 12 step meetings in that it
helps to identify, work through and resolve the childhood experiences which are
the foundation for dysfunctional behaviors, and offers the feedback and interac.tive group process that expedites exploration and healing. A woman may find it
necessary to go through treatment before
recovery begins to have significant benefits to her.

ICE

1990 GAY AND
LESBIAN PRIDE
PARADE
The 1990 Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade
will be held Sunday, June 17 as the kick-off
for Gay and Lesbian Pride Week in Oklahoma City. Parade activities will begin at
Memorial Park, N.W. 36th and Classen at
1 :00 p.m. with the parade beginning at
2:00 p.m. The parade will feature floats
and marchers representing area organizations as well as a return performance by
the Oak Lawn Symphonic Band from
Dallas.
The theme for the 1990 Gay and Lesbian
Parade is "Look to the Future" and is a
celebration to promote education and
awareness in the gay, lesbian and heterosexual communities.
The Parade will conclude with a street
festival at N.W. 39th and Barnes, which
will include live music, craft booths, and
booths by area organizations.
Information about the 1990 Pride Parade and Festival is available at Oasis
Resource Center, (405) 525-2437.
•

SUMMER SOLSTICE
SHOWCASE
Celetrate the Summer Solstice and Gay
and Lesbian Pride Week with Herland at
the Summer Solstice Showcase.
The Showcase will feature Oklahoma
City's outstanding women musicians.
Scheduled to appear are the Desert Heart
Band, Janis Galloway, Peggy Johnson, and
Mary Reynolds.
The Summer Solstice Showcase will be
held at the Porthole (N.W. 39th and
Portland) at 9 p .m. on June 21. Admission
is $3.00 at the door.
•

(continued on page 6)

HER LAND SISTER RESOURCES

•

2312 N.W. 39th, OKC, OK 73112

•

(405) 521-9696

NEW COSPONSORS
SIGN ON TO CIVIL
RIGHTS BILL
Washington, D.C.-More than 90,000
post cards on the Federal Gay and Lesbian
Civil Rights Bill have been printed and
distributed to thousands of individuals
and organizations in a nationwide lobbying
onslaught organized by the National Gay
and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF). In
addition, NGLTF's National Lobby Days
will be held in June this year to capitalize
on the massive mobilization of gays and
lesbians celebrating pride events around
the U.S.
The post card campaign is designed to
increase awareness and cosponsorship of
the Gay and Lesbian Civil Rights Bill. The
bill currently has 79 cosponsors in the
House of Representatives and 10 in the
Senate. Four lawmakers have signed on
since the start of the campaign last February: Representatives Bill Gray (D-PA);
Gerry Sikorski (D-MN); Jose Serrano (DNY); Craig Washington (D-TX); and
Senator Claiborne Pell (D-RI).
"The post card campaign is helping us
lay the groundwork of constituent support
that will enable us to pass the Gay and
Lesbian Civil Rights Bill, which we plan on
doing this decade,'' said Peri Jude Radecic,
NGLTF legislative director.
The bill, S4 7 in the Senate and HR655
in the House, is officially called the Civil
Rights Amendment Act of 1989. It provides broad anti-discrimination protections for gays and lesbians by prohibiting
discrimination in hcusing, employment,
public accommodations and federally
assisted programs based on affection or
sexual orientation.
NGLTF urges gays and lesbians to send
their federal lawmakers a pre-printed post
card and ask them to cosponsor the bill.
The post card campaign will continue
through June 1990.
•

2

HSR, JUNE, 1990

TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT
Oklahoma Women Against Violence
Against Women (OWAVAW) will hold a
Take Back the Night Rally and March on
June 8, 1990 at Memorial Park, N .W. 36th
and Classen in Oklahoma City. The theme
of the event is "Sexual Assault Doesn't
Happen to Someone Else, It Happened to
Me."
The evening's events will focus attention
on the problem of sexual assault and its
impact on all women. Featured speakers
include Dr. Vivian Ng of the Oklahoma
University Women's Studies Faculty and
Dreama Moon, former director of the
Oklahoma City YWCA Crisis Intervention Services. Rally music will be led by
Peggy Johnson and Mary Reynolds.
For more information, call Pat Reaves
or Ginger McGovern at 521-9696 (leave
•
message).

RALLY FOR THE
ANIMALS
On Sunday, June 10, 1990, thousands of
people from across the United States will
gather at the Capitol in Washington to
send a simple message to Congress: We
stand together united to ensure justice for
animals. This march is intended to be the
beginning of the end of the abuse and
exploitation of animals, who are so often
the victims of human cruelty, greed and
indifference. If you would like to be part of
a group traveling to Washington for the
march, call Jana Wilson at 799-3697 or
Martha Brown at (918) 583-3652.
For those of us in Oklahoma who would
like to participate but who cannot make
the trip to D.C., there will be a local "Rally
for the Animals" at our State Capitol, also
on June 10, at 3:00 p.m. on the south steps
of the capitol. There will be guest speakers
from across the state to urge and encourage
people to stand together for our fellow
animals.
•

ZOOM BEACH '90
Grab the towels, rafts, water toys and
oils! It's time for Zoom Beach '90! The
traditional ending to Pride Week, it's a fun
and sun party for the community held
annually at Lake Thunderbird. It's the
chance to soak up some rays, chow down
on free food and drink, play games, listen
to tunes, and it's always a feast for the eyes!
Sponsored by the Oasis Foundation,
Zoom Beach will be Sunday, June 24,
beginning at noon and ending at 6 p.m. A
volunteer staff will serve hot-dogs and
other treats from Noon until 4 p.m.
Games and activities will be sponsored by
the University of Oklahoma Gay/Lesbian
Alliance, and are a great way to show your
stuff!
Zoom Beach always draws a large
crowd, but there's plenty of room for
everyone. Please be courteous when
parking your vehicles, keeping to the
parking lots provided and off the road.
Due to licensing regulations, Zoom
Beach will not be allowed to offer free
beer this year, something we regret. We
invite you to bring your own beer or
coolers, but ask that you purchase cans
rather than bottles where possible. Hard
liquor is prohibited in the park!
Making Zoom Beach happen requires a
large number of volunteers and supplies.
If you'd like to volunteer for a two-hour
shift, please call Oasis at 525-2437, and
the phone volunteer will schedule you.
Zoom Beach is easy to find: from
Oklahoma City, south on 1-35 to the
Robinson St. exit in Norman. East on
Robinson to 12th Ave., south on 12th to
Alameda, east on Alameda to dead end at
the lake, then north and look for Zoom
Beach on the west side. See you there! •

WOMEN WITH WOMEN
WITH CHILDREN
HURRY - WE ARE A GROUP!! !
WE'RE HAVING A PICNICJUNE 9TH
WILL ROGERS PARK
2:00 P.M.
36th & Portland
Playground on the Portland Side
Sharing common stories and giving
each other encouragement, the
"WWWWC" had a wonderful time at
the retreat.
We are looking forward to a
summer full of activities. Camping,
fishing, hiking, biking and anything
else anyone come's up with.
Feel free to come and join in, everyone is welcome, with or without
children.
If you need more info - call
942-4331.

HSR VOICE COMES
OUT OF THE WRAPPER!
Beginning with the July issue, the Herland
Voice will be published in a new forma t
which will allow mailing without an envelope.
Each copy will be securely stapled on three
sides for mailing, and the outside will
contain only necessary mailing information.
This format change will greatly speed the
process of preparing the Voice for mailing
while continuing to protect the privacy of
our readers.
If you would like to continue receiving the
Voice in an envelope, please return the
coupon below with $7.00 to cover the cost
of first class postage for 1 year.
I wo uld like to receive the Voice by first-class
mail. I'm enclosing $7.00 for 1 year's postage.
Name _ __ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _
Street-- - -- - -- - -- - City _ _ __ _ __ _ _ __ __ _
Sfate/ZIP _ __ __ _ _ __ _ __
If a change of address, what was your previous
zip code? _ _ _ __ _ _ _ __ _ _

OKLAHOMA WOMEN
AGAINST VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMEN
in conjunction with Harland Sister
Resources, Metro OKC NOW, and
many other women's groups
are sponsoring a

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
MARCH & RALLY

HERE WE GO AGAIN
by Sally Blevins
Hello again Gang. Which gang, yo u
ask? I like to think of us as the Lavender
Lilac Gang. Much nicer than the bloods
or some such crude bunch as that. June, it
seems is Women in Recovery Month.
Since we are all hangin' out on the corner
as it were, I thought I might address my
limited but extensive bout with personal
recovery. I'll throw that address in right
here just in case you would like to send
something my way.
SALLY BLEVINS
RU4 Real
Get Serious, OK 14269
Now I guess I should clear up that little
mud puddle I left in the middle of the
page. I am limited in that I don't drink,
don't smoke and as the song says, "what
do you do?" I believe I have left a clue to
this in the previous passages, but to get on
with it, I am a recovering co-dependent.
And as you are reading, please don't confuse
co-dependent with co-defendent- NOT
the same thing, although a good codependent will take the blame for other
peoples' problems. I was one of the best
at the art of taking responsibility for what
I have absolutely NO CONTROL of.
Take for instance today-a wonderfully
rainy and gloomy day for the Arts
Festival. Now in my former condition, I
would apologize to the world and all those
in if for the rain screwing up the festivities, but thanks to therapy (of many
kinds) and the use of the intelligence I was
born with, I no longer believe I have the
power to control the weather. (Although
it would be a great way to make money
thru blackmail!)
I am constantly trying to set boundaries
for myself so that I don't fall back into the
same old muck and mire. This also brings
around the point that I am now and
always will be in recovery. It is very easy
to fall back and do those same things all
over again. Kind of like-go directly to
jail, do not pass go, do not receive $200.
So as I salute those of you running this
uphill race with me with an upraised glass
of purified water-Keep on Keepin' On!
Later. Sally.
•

Friday, June 8th, 1990, 8:00 p.m.
Memorial Park, 36th &Classen,
Oklahoma City

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!
HSR, JUNE, 1990

3

DENIAL IN 12-STEP GROUPS
An editorial by Deborah Fox
My experience of 12-step meetings
was two-fold: on the one hand the
group of people coming together to
support one another's growth was encouraging and very supportive. The
sharing of feelings and experiences was
enlightening and validating. On the
other hand, I felt great discomfort with
the Patriarchally entrenched axiology
and the total lack of acknowledgement
for women's issues from being raised
with the messages that we are "sinful,"
evil temptresses responsible for humanity's exile from the
Garden of Eden, and that we
are "inferior" to men. I had
alot of trouble with the steps
because I felt my life had
been turned over to God (for
the past 5000 years or so)
and as I understood Him, He
didn't like women and, in
fact, did not even claim
women as His creation but as
Adam's! How could I turn
my will and my life over to a
He-God who has never forgiven "Eve," who holds a
grudge towards all women
because of Eve, who condemns all women to bear
children in pain and who so
obviously hates women? The
language used in 12-step
programs is not inclusive
and the Godhead is not
acknowledged as both male
and female . As a woman I know first-hand
how important it is to have language and
images that celebrate, honor, and hold
sacred, femaleness. Our first and often
most formidable issues from being raised
under Patriarchy are an inferiority complex and shame for being born female.

problem whose symptoms are: sexism,
rape, battering, incest/ child-abuse, codependency (which is, by the way, the
patriarchal stereo-type of a "good"
mother, wife, and woman), racism, high
crime rates, greed, poverty, ecological
deterioration/ destruction, war, alcoholism, drug-abuse, anorexia/ bulemia, overeating, etc. I believe people feel powerless
to change the world the white men have
made and therefore seek forms of excape
from its miseries - that alcoholism is first
a symptom and then a second problem to

I had been reproached for not attending
meetings daily and had been accused of
minimalizing on some of my issues that
I felt were of a minor degree. Since one
of my women's issues is an amazing
potential for guilt, I felt guilty for
knowing what I need and what is right
for me! Whether we can never take a
drink again, or need to work on changing dysfunctional behaviors, we need to
know we can grow, heal, get better that "problems" are really challenges
that lead us to growth, and that we
come around the sacred
spiral within. We are wiser,
stronger, healthier, and we
realize we are competent.

I'm enraged by the minimalization
of women's oppression and issues.
I'm enraged by being dishonored
and excluded because of my
femaleness. I believe a good
program is about the whole
truth, about Naming, about
coming
out of denial and awakening,
about growth and trans[ormation,
and therefore about being female
in a rnale.-dominated society."

In order to deal with and heal any issue
effectively we must acknowledge and understand their root causes. If, for example: an
ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
does not acknowledge the alcoholism and
ensuing dysfunction in their childhood
home they are unable to begin recovery
no matter how much therapy they may
attend. 12-step slogan would say they are
still "in denial." Naming/ diagnosing is
the first step in the healing process.
I believe white male supremacy and
domination are the root causes of the

the original.
· We women have been conditioned to
sit back and "take it," whatever " it" is the
men dish out, and our deep capacity for
understanding is so exonerated we often
shortchange ourselves. Well, I won't join
a 12-step program where 99% of those
attending deny the problems inherent in
Patriarchy, namely women's oppression.
12-step slogan would say those 99% are
"enablers." The 12-step program was
designed by men conditioned by Patriarchy. We women could design our own
Program that acknowledges women's
issues and uses language and images that
empower.
Another thing I found disempower-ing
in the 12-step programs was the attitude
that I had been permanently damaged as a
result of being raised by an alcoholic, and
that I could not know what is right for me;

I'm enraged by the minimalization of women's oppression and issues. I'm enraged
by being dishonored and excluded because of my femaleness. I believe a good program is about the whole
truth, about Naming, about
coming out of denial and
awakening, about growth and
transformation, and therefore about being female in a
male-dominated society. An
honest program would embrace all the issues, all their
sources , and face the fact
that the male-dominated system is itself dysfunctional. It
is painfully obvious to me
that the 12-step program
needs to grow ... I propose we women
create a new Program to meet our
needs and the growing needs of our
transforming world.

I recommend reading: The Chalice
And The Blade, by Riane Eisler, Of
Woman Born, by Adrienne Rich,
Women's Reality and When Society Becomes An Addict, by Ann Wilson
Schaef, The G-eat Cosmic Mother, by
Monica Sjoo and Barbara Mor, and
The Once And Future Goddess, by
Elinor W . Gadon.

If you would like a copy of the "13steps" of WOO: Women Of Oppression
that I have designed, send an S .A.S .E.
to: D . Fox, Rt. 1, Box 29, Mountain
Park , OK 73559.
•

~

1990
Monday

Sunday

Tuesday

Friday

\\lednesday Thursday

1

MARY
at
Mary's 9 p.m.
Reservations
Reauired
c.all

Every Wednesday at Noon; Silent Vigil for Peace in Central America;
Fourth & Robinson; across the street from the Federal Building.
CODA meeting, every Friday at Herland, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.

3.

,5

4

7=

6

MISS BROWN
TO YOU
11:45 a.m.
Kerr Park

TRACY
CHAPMAN
al the Zoo
Amphitheater

10

12

II

13

14

24

ZOOM BEACH
al Lake
Thunderbird

Pe~~y

Johnson
at the
Cantin a
9:00 p.m.

8
TAKE BACK
THE NIGHT!!!
March & Rally
7:00 p.m.
MeA!orial Park
OKC

15

g

w1.11w1.11c

<Women With
WoA!en With
Children>
PICNIC
2:00 p.111.
Will Ro~ers
Park

16
Men's Glee
Club
in Concert
call

S25-2437
for details

19

18

20

21

Bowlin~

TournaAlent
al
Brunswick
Lanes
6:30 IJ.m.

FATHER'S DAY
·- -

2

528-0020

RALLY
for the
ANIMALS
J:OO p.m.
South steps
of lhe
Capitol
IJGAY PRIDE
MARCH &
RALLY
LJO p.m.
Memorial Park

Sat.urday

25

-

26

f

•

27.
"

•,

OIORIKS ON
ZAHA RI AS

1914-1956

''

·.

.

"

EMMA
GOLDMAN

1869-1940

22

23

29

30

HERL AND
GAY PRIDE
SHOW CASE
9 p.m.
al the
Porthole

2

~talewide

Workshop on
Child Sexual
Abuse; al
Baptist Med
Center: call

·3 64-9424

fbr details.

HERLAND SISTER

RESOURCES
2312 N\W 39TH, OKC 73112 - C405l 521-9696

1111
Ill

MY 12-STEP
EXPERIENCE
A guest editorial
I am a recovering alcoholic, clean and
sober with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous
and the Twelve Steps of that program. I
attended my first AA meeting in 1979
and was consistently around the program
(though I wasn't consistently sober) up
until my last drunk in 1983 . Since that
time, I have been very active in AA. As
the saying goes, alcohol was my drug of
choice, though I now realize that other
drugs affect me similarly (once I start, I
can't stop) and, indeed, lead me back to
drinking. I have been drug-free also since
1983.
Though I do not profess to know any
more or less about how AA works than
others who practice the Steps, I am wellingrained with AA experience and have
attended meeting in several European
countries and in a number of these United
States. I also have had a fleeting acquaintance with the Loners-Internationalist newsletter for those who are so-situated that meetings are not available. I feel
fortunate to live in a city now which has
many meetings every day.
I owe my sobriety solely to the Twelve
Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous which
continue to give me many gifts stemming
from two basic things - a belief in a
power greater than a human power (a
spiritual belief) and contact with other
alcoholics who share in this sober way of
life. One of the beautiful things about AA
is that noone spekas for AA as a whole
and so here I set forth my own opinions and
experience with the program though I am
certainly not alone in my views . This is
another great joy I have received-I am
no longer the loner I once was and I have
not had to sacrifice individuality to
receive the gift.
I am a low bottom drunk in many
repects though I did not drink for very
long and could have gone much lower.
The overriding factor of what drinking
did to me was not that I lost everything I
had but that, despite intelligence and
potential, I never gained much of anything to lose (I do not necessarily mean
material gains). Alcohol was the center of
my life . I was mentally and, to a lesser
degree, physically obsessed with it and
was not conscious of my spiritual nature.
Though alcohol sometimes rendered me
mean, I was not a bad person, mainly just
a drunk, non-functional one.

When I first started sobering up seven
years ago, I didn't have a job and was
mentally incapable of holding one. This
afforded me a great opportunity to attend
many meetings and concentrate on the
Twelve Steps. Through odd jobs, my bills
were paid . I listened to people who were
staying sober. I learned about patience
and one day at a time. I learned from the
Big Book of AA that "we simply do not
stop drinking so long as we placed
dependence upon other people ahead of
dependence on God." I learned, surprisingly enough, that alcohol was but a
symptom of the disease of alcoholism and
a vigorous course of action was necessary
to ensure that I did not pick up that first
drink.
I am also an Adult Child of Alcoholics
(ACA), though I remember when there
was no such thing as an ACA meeting. l
have received much help from attending
Alanon meetings and also view the Steps
from that perspective . (Alanon is a
Tw~lve-Step Program for friends and relatives of alcoholics who also find that their
lives are unmanageable.)
Just for the record, I am a lesbian
feminist, though I have not found this to
be a barrier to my recovery. According to
the Third Tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous, "The only requirement for AA
membership is a desire to stop drinking."
This, through my own experience, I have
found to be true.
Though for several years I rebelled
against the archaic wording of the Big
Book (published in 1939) and its maledominated language, my desire to stop
drinking finally outweighed my desire for
society to reflect my personal views. Once
I grasped this - that I can believe in God
as I understand what that means - then I
could get on with developing spiritually.
Some days, though much less often than
in the early years, I can't find my belief
and am again an atheist. This is not bad,
just honest. Many of my friends call the
higher power Goddess, others call it God,
some use other names. I find that the
names don't matter except as a personal
preference. The true test is-does it work?
I do not consider AA a self-help program, but rather a way of life. As the Big
Book says, self-centeredness is the root of
my problems so I must learn how to get
outside myself to help others. Consequently, I am helped . This is the corner-

stone of Alcoholics Anonymous-carrying the message to other alcoholics that
there is a solution to the drink problem. It
is only by my continued attendance at AA
meetings and daily working of the Steps
that I am able to find out how I may best
serve others . The paradox here is that one
can't give away what one doesn't have,
that to keep it, one must give it away. The
beauty of paradoxes is that they don't
have to make sense all at the same time!
AA is an anonymous program. The
main reason behind this is that anonymity
is a spiritual concept, the principles of the
program being much more important
than those who espouse them. Hence,
though I may tell friends of my AA
attendance if I deem that necessary,
anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV,
and films is an important tradition which
also embodies the principle I mentioned
earlier-no one speaks for AA as a
whole.
In closing, I must mention that I am
still not successful in an economic sense
and have taken a lot of hard knocks to get
where I am today. But, as my mother
always said-it's a hard row to hoe but I
want potatoes! What I do have today is a
change of heart toward life and a joy of
living which I could not have made up on
my own . Alcoholics Anonymous has
opened the door for me and for this I am
gratefully indebted.
•

"Grant me the
serenity to accept
those things I
cannot change; The
courage to change
those things I can;
and the wisdom to
know the
difference."

HSR, JUNE, 1990

5

(continued from page 1)
12 step meetings provide a safe space in
which to share experiences, feelings,
strengths, and hopes and to hear and learn
from others. 12 step meetings for just
about any manifesting dysfunctional behavior are available for support of the
recovering individual. These include Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous (SLAA), Co-dependents
Anonymous (CoDA), Incest Survivors
Anonymous (ISA), Al-Anon (for those
who care about and are affected by an
alcoholic), Emotions Anonymous (EA),
Overeaters Anonymous (OA), Gamblers
Anonymous (GA), and many more. Most
can be located by contacting Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Tools for recovery include meditation,
self-help books, prayer (to one's Higher
Power, whatever that may be), journaling
or writing, sharing talk, play, as well as
other tools or techniques which may be
used by or suggested by one's counselor
or friends in recovery.
ADDICTION AND EMOTIONAL PAIN
Craig Nakken in The Addictive Personality (Hazelden, 1988), defines addiction
as "a pathological love and trust relationsh ip with an object (alcohol, a drug, a
person, food, etc.) or event" (love, relationship, sex, work, gambling, etc.) in an
attempt to get one's emotional needs met.
He goes on to explain "the practicing
addict has a relationship between the Self
and the addict within; the recovering
addict has a relationship between Self and
others". The healthy person gets her
emotional needs met through intimate
(honest, open) relationships with other
people, herself, her community, AND a
spiritual power greater than herself. Each
of these requires reaching out (on an
emotional level) from the Self and then
back into the Self, something the addict
has lost the ability to do or never learned
how to do. Addiction causes emotional
withdrawal. When the addict feels emotional pain-aniety, fear, loneliness,
anger, sadness, etc.-she acts out the
addiction of choice to relieve it. The
relationship between the Self and 'the
addict within is activated to ease the pain.
Addiction has been called a "baffling and
devious disease". It has been discovered
that when a person learns to control one
addiction she often switches to another
mood-altering behavior (another addiction). Because this is not a conscious
process, and because it takes energy, time
and a great deal of courage and honesty to
explore, it is one easily denied by many.

6

HSR, JUNE, 1990

The emotional pain avoided and eased,
yet prolonged by the addictive processes
originates in childhood experience. These
experiences may include sexual abuse,
emotional abuse, and/ or mental abuse,
either overt or covert, direct or indirect.
Incest (defined here as a sexual violation
perpetrated on anyone in a subordinate
position by anyone, related or unrelated,
in a position of trusted authority), in
which trust and boundaries are violated
on a deeply personal level, is often found
in the history of women in recovery.
Sexual, emotional, physical, or mental
abuse programs us for addictive/ dysfunctional behaviors and self-destructive, painful interpersonal experiences in adulthood.
The effect of abuse in childhood is in
unmet emotional needs. Throughout adolescence and adulthood we attempt to
compensate for these unmet needs by
developing addictions or co-dependent
behaviors and an emotionally dishonest
lifestyle which help us cope with life, and
the pain that unmet needs causes us.
Unfortunately, these dysfunctional behaviors also help us to avoid confronting
and working through the pain of childhood. Recovery is not about placing
blame, our parents taught us only what
they were taught. They did the best they
knew how to do. It is believed that
dysfunction is passed down from generation to generation. These diseases keep us
from connecting with and developing an
honest, open relationship with the Self
and others; they imprison the only part of
us that can fully experience the joy of
living. That part of us that is necessary to
reach our potential as human beings ... the
Self.
In most cases one must hit an emotional bottom before she becomes willing
to go to any lengths to change. Remember
these are life-long patterns of behavior
that the woman in recovery is trying to
break. It is essential for her to have a
group of healthy individuals to support
her through this painful process of change
and healing. It is in the 12-step meetings
that such individuals can be found.
Recovery offers us a pathway to the
Self, a roadmap to wholeness. It supports
us in changing behaviors and thought
processes. It teaches us to nuture ourselves and encourages us to give birth to
the goddess within. Recovery is an ongoing process, a lifestyle, for if we are not
practicing recovery in our daily affairs, we
are practicing one or more of the multitude of addictions or co-dependency. Practicing our disease helps us avoid ourselves
and manipulate life. Recovery helps us
face ourselves and face life on life's terms.
Recovery is personal growth , emotional

growth. Successfully practiced, recovery
leads to a fuller, richer, happier life- a
new freedom .

REOOVERY: a new way of life!
*Co-dependency has been defined by the
First National Conference on Co-dependency, held in September, 1989, as
"A pattern of painful dependence on
compulsive behaviors and on approval
from others in an attempt to find safety,
self-worth, and identity."

GROUP
COUNSELING
OFFERED AT
HERLAND
Beginning Monday, June 11, at 7:00
p.m. group counseling will be offered at
Herland.
Counseling will focus on current issues
in each woman's life and exploration of the
origins of today's p roblem behaviors,
along with methods to facilitate healing
and emotional growth. 12-step philosophy
and meetings will be enco uraged as an
adjunct healing medium to ' the group
counseling process. Fee for each weekly
session will be set up on a sliding scale
from $15 to $1, based upon one's ability
to pay.
Space is limited to 8 participants. To
assure your place in the group or for more
information call Karen at 528-315 L
First meeting of the group wil be on
Monday, June 11at7:00 p,m ,, at Herland ,
2312 N .W. 39th Street, Any woman who
wishes to take part is welcome.
•

FUNDRAISING
Can you sponsor a day in the life of
Herland? Did you know that it takes a
little over $25 a day to operate Herland?
Your donation of25 or 30 dollars will help
make a day in the life ofHerland. Are you
saying to yourselfl'd really like to help but
$25 is too rich for my blood? We'll accept
anything you can spare to sustain what has
become a nationally respected women's
organization. We're one of a kind. Also,
remember th:}t your donation is tax deductable. We at Herland say THANKS for
your wonderful support.
•

BE A PART OF HERLAND
WELCOME! to more than fifty new
readers, who signed up for the Berland
Voice while at the National Lesbian Conference organizing meeting in Kansas
City the weekend of April 28. We are
glad to have you join us, and extend our
apologies for the garbling of some of your
names on the address labels - we couldn't
make out your writing sometimes. We
hope they all get through . .... .
MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW!
Berland will present Elaine Townsend,
an up-and-coming musician from the
California Bay area, in concert on July
28. Watch for details in the July issue of
the Voice ... ..
SAPPHO, a women's choir, has had 3
meetings so far. There are 12 women involved
and we need more! All interested women
are encouraged to attend. For more
information, call Mary Reynolds at
528-0020 ... .. .
WOMEN'S SUNDANCE - come support a week-long Native American women's ceremony held in the Arizona high
desert July 1- 8 . For details call Roddey
at 364-7596 ..... .
Local all-woman sweatlodge is being
organized. Call Roddey at 364-7596 for
details ..... .
Organizers of the Village Inn Boycott
report the Village Inn management has
still not respo nded to concerns regarding
a waiter physically accosting a female
customer. The boycott continues ..... .
EARTH DAY '90 at Berland was a
success: we planted three trees (two
Bradford Pears and one flowering Crabapple), iris, moss rose, lilies, wisteria,
elephant ears and more. It was a good
feeling having hands deep in the good dirt
at Berland; many thanks to all those who
worked so hard: Sally, Margaret, Jeri,
Karen, Kathy, Michelle, Teresa, Kay and
Barbara, and Ginger and Candy, who
mostly were inside painting. Peggy and
Sally did much of the ground preparation
the day before, including moving lots of
bricks and concrete blocks and making a
path to the parking lot.

And thanks expecially to Barbara
Tate, who donated the trees and most of
the above mentioned plants, as well as
many evergreens which are going in the
back yard ..... .

The First Unitarian Church of OKC
will present Tom Paxton in a benefit
concert on June 5, 1990 at 7 p.m. at St.
Luke's Methodist Church, 222 N.W.
15th, OKC. Proceeds from the concert
benefit the Rest Day Shelter For the
Homeless. Tickets are $10 and are available in advance only. Tickets may be
obtained by sending a check or money
order to: Tom Paxton Tickets, Box 1683,
OKC, OK 73101. For information call
232-9224 . .. . . .
The Women's Project presents "Surviving and Resisting Lesbian and Gay
Hating," a workshop designed for lesbians and gay men to examine the impact
of society's homophobia on their lives,
on June 20 at the Women's Project, 2224
Main St., Little Rock, AR. The workshop will be lead by Suzanne Pharr, the
a.uthor of Homophobia: A Weapon of
Sexism. The $20 registration must be
received at the Women's Project one
week prior to the training ..... .
The OU Women's Studies Program
has announced the establishment of
prizes to be offered to talented students.
The Afleck-Carroll Prize, awarded in
honor of Marilyn Afleck, Associate Professor of Sociology, who is retiring as
Assistant Director of the Women's
Studies Program will be awarded to a
woman Ph.D . candidate with preference
to those whose work is related to, or
influenced by Women's Studies. The
winner will wear at her graduation the
cap and gown and Ph.D. hood of Laverne
Carroll, Professor Emerita of Library
Science. The Hillyer Prize, named in
honor of Barbara Hillyer, Associate Professor of Human Relations and founding
Director of Women's Studies at OU, will
be awarded to an undergraduate Women's
Studies student. Both prizes will include a
cash honorarium . . ... .
Women are being actively recruited
by the FAA for positions as Electronics
Systems Specialists. No experience is required. Salaries start at $16,305 . For
information contact: Nancy E. Wigal at
(804) 222-7383 . . . . . .

Berland is the collective effort of the
women of Oklahoma. You can be a part of
creating and sustaining this very special
community we call Berland. Join a committee, volunteer to work in the resource
center, or make a contribution to help
meet the monthly expenses. Herland will
be what you make it.
YES, I want to help Herland continue
to grow.
D

I'm interested in working on a committe. Please have the committee
chair call me.

D

I'd like to vo lunteer at Herland .
Please have the volunteer coordinator call me with more information.

D

Here's my contribution of _ _ __
to help support Herland.

Name: _ _ __ _ _ __ __ __
Phone - - - - - - -- - - - -

Address---- - - - - - - - City _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ __
State/ZIP - - - - - - - - - - -

OKLAHOMA WOMEN
AGAINST VIOLENCE
AGAINST WOMEN
in conjunction with Herland Sister
Resources, Metro OKC NOW, and
many other women's groups
are sponsoring a

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT
MARCH & RALLY
Friday, June 8th, 1990, 8:00 p.m.
Memorial Park, 36th & Classen,
Oklahoma City

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!
Articles, poetry, graphics, short fiction are needed for the Voice. The July
issue will focus on Women and Poverty.
The August issue will feature Children's
Rights. The deadline for each issue is the
5th of the previous month.
•

HSR, JUNE, 1990

7

848-5429

M. COLEEN WOODY

MARILYN D. BEST

ATTORNEYS-AT -LAW

General Practice

SHIRLEY M. HUNTER, M. Ed.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSE LOR

Emphasis on the problems of gay people.
PENN PARK OFFICE COMPLEX e SUITE 102
5009 N. PENNSYLVANIA e OKLAHOMA CITY, OK73112

1518 N.W. 29th St.
Oklahoma City, OK 73106

405 - 525 -2174

366-09'2.3
~2. ~' mt.~cL.
Mental Health Counselor

IIBLEN HOLGATE

4801 N. Classen
Suite 147
Oklahoma City, OK 73118

(405) 842-7577
(405) 528 - 3151

Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
Counselor

Honoring what is in your body, so that it can unwind
into its own truth. We are always moving
toward health, if we'll only allow it.

Sam L. Nicolosi, D.V.M.

NICOLOSI ANIMAL HOSPITAL

THE ASTON MASSAGE

2
by Appointment
Phone ( 405) 947- 5545

4015 N.W. 23rd
Oklahoma City

TREAT YOURSEL T TO THE "TOUCH OF GOLD."

Treat your special someone, too, for $10 off her massage!

HEALTHFUL • STRESS RELIEVING MASSAGE

6y

Melanie . ~·

MASSAGE THERAPIST

Her land
readers!

8

McKiddy

HSR, JUNE, 1990

360-6945

Practitioner

(405) 942-4748
(405) 524-2958

Edwina V. Johnson, D.D.S.
"Catering to Cowards needing Tender Care"
in Comprehensive Dentistry

'Oouch of Qold
Special
discounts
available
to all

RHONDA L. SMITH

"Portable"
massage
table
available
for your
convenience.

5009 North Pennsylvania Ave, Suite 103
(405) 840-5410
Night & Sunday practice by appt . only
Emergencies welcome
Insurance accepted

·\~['I