LesbianPride Newsletter : v.7:no.2(2002:Feb.)
- Title
- LesbianPride Newsletter : v.7:no.2(2002:Feb.)
- Description
- LesbianPride Newsletter is a monthly publication by Makaw Press offering "good news, positive reminders and inspirational messages by, for and about Lesbians."
- Date Issued
- 2002-02
- Relation
- LesbianPride Newsletter
- Rights
- Contact UCO Chambers Library's Digital Initiatives Working Group at diwg@uco.edu for the permission policy on the use, reproduction or distribution of this material.
- Is Part Of
- LesbianPride Newsletter
- Creator
- Mel White
- Contributor
- Makaw Press
- Date
- 2025-04-28T21:37:19Z
- Date Available
- 2025-04-28T21:37:19Z
- Subject
- Lesbian authors
- Lesbian
- Type
- Periodical
- extracted text
-
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VOLUMNVII, ISSUE2, February2002
Our First Poet of Love
©2002 MAKAW
by Marilda Mel White
This is the month of Valentine's Day - a day for celebrating love - so I wanted to write a few words about love. Then I
got to thinking ... there have been a lot of words written about
love by a lot of other people throughout history. I'm guessing
the first love note was scratched on a rock or a piece of bark
and handed from one cave person to another (it could have
been one cave woman to another cave woman, you know), and
people have found a variety of ways to communicate about
love ever since.
One of the first and best known people to publicly express love was Sappho, who lived and wrote (among other pursuits) on the Greek Isle of Lesbos in the sixth century BC.
. Much of her actual work has been lost to the ravages of
time and the Church, but her influence lives on, and scholars
and historians have been able to piece together information
about Sappho's life as well as bits and pieces of her poetry. Evidently translating ancient Greek is quite an art, and just about
every poem of Sappho's available to us today has a number of
different translations, all of which affect the meaning and the
purpose of any given work. But on some things, pretty much
everyone agrees.
One is that Sappho (who lived around 610BC-570BC),
spent time on the Isle teaching the arts to young women and
writing her poetry. Most also agree that many of her poems of
love were for other women, and that at the time and place, that
was really no big deal at all.
2
Another is that her poetry was and still is something exquisite - she is often regarded as the originator of "lyric poetry" (she refined a lyric meter in such a way that it is still
known as the "sapphic meter"). Sappho is also generally regarded as the first to write poems in the first person (not from
the viewpoint of the gods, which was common then) and to
write of intensely personal feelings regarding love. Some of her
poems were even downright erotic.
The Christians burned a lot of books in the fourth century
AD, and most scholars agree that Sappho's were burned then
as well, but not necessarily because she wrote of love for
women. More likely it was because she spoke of pleasures of
the flesh in a free, deep and meaningful way, and that she
seemed to be a priestess of the pagan goddess Aphrodite. The
issue of Sappho's sexual preferences wasn't even an issue until
good ol' Queen Victoria's people decided to make it one in the
late 19th century.
At any rate, a lot of people's work has been burned or
lost in other ways over the years, but Sappho's lives on - her
name and contribution to the world of literature (erotic or otherwise) has not only survived but thrived.
Which can be interpreted as another example of how you
just can't keep a good woman down. Or how love is love, that
the expression of love can and does touch us all - no matter
who we are, or who we love. Or that a woman's love for another woman can be just as beautiful (and sensual, free, deep,
meaningful, lyrical and magical) as we allow it to be.
Thinking about Sappho, I think the message is that it
really doesn't matter, when using the words of love, whether
someone is talking about love between a man and a woman, or
between two women or between two men. The words and the
feelings are the same. Love is love - how human beings see it,
feel it, think it and define it, and how we speak it, sing it, or
write it, hasn't changed a whole lot through time. Hopefully it
never will.
Sappho seems to have gotten the official love poetry
thing going for all of us. So let's keep it up.
Happy Valentine's Day to you all, and always remember,
as I believe Sappho did, that even; day is a good day to remember to express your love. •
3
LAVENDERREFLECTIONSby Eleanor Ruth Wagner,
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"You won't find a more complete guide covering
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http://gayellowpages.com
Renaissance House, PO Box 533 Village Station, New York, NY
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I nurture all my relationships
When I am in a relationship with a single partner, I sometimes am tempted to neglect friendships and other sources of
support, expecting my partner to meet all my needs.
My well-being is enhanced by havi.ng a wide drcle of relationships and a variety of experiences. No one person can be
everything to me. Expecting too much from one person places
stress on our relationship. I want to stay healthy in all areas of
my life, and that, involves seeking balance.
Today I evaluate the important relationships in my life. I consider which ones need more attention. If my partner has restricted relationships, perhaps we can discuss the situation together and plan how each of us can reach outside without hurting the other. Without waiting for a crises to force change, I work
actively for what is healthy and balanced. I am
making wise decisions in all my relationships. The
energy I gi.venurtures myself and those I love.
- Eleanor Ruth Wagner
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4
Reminder:
Celebrate and acknowledge yourself
for having the courage to risk
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Truly loving, accepting,
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Dear Savvy Sappho - My seventy-year-old grandmother
wants to live with me. I'm 32 and single. Can this work?
- Signed, Granny's Lil Snookums
DearSnookums- It canwork,but it's up to bothof you. Hash
out basicrules and understandingsbeforeshe movesin. This
couldalsobe a wonderful,enrichingexperience
for bothof you.
One thing is for sure,you bothsharea commonnemesis:your
mom. - SS
Dear Savvy Sappho - My sweetie has been playing the tuba
for five years now. He's getting louder and louder but can't
keep a tune. It's driving me batty - how should I broach this
subject?
- Signed, Deef in Both Ears
DearDeef - You didn't mentionwhetheror not your honeyis
trying to get into a symphonyor rockband. Or lie may just
reapgreat pleasureplaying without any goal in mind. Pipe
downand doubleup on your earplugs,orfind yourown hobby
outsideof the housewhen he's practicing.Say nothingif you
lovehim,andfind a way to understandhou,it's fun and importantfor him.- SS
This month's Sawy Sapphic Suggestionsfor Successful
Lesbian Living by Stacy Chandler. If you have a question,
send it to SS % Makaw, PO Box 130, Tehachapi, CA 93561
AQUARIUS
January 20-February
18
Flittering spirit burning bright,
Who's that surprise bathed in moonlight?
Go with the flow and never fight,
Love and joy shall be your plight.*
BE WARNED - THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ABOVE DO NOT
NECESSARILY REFLECT THE AURA OF THE COSMOS!
6
7
by Lee Lynch
Closets I Have KN own
When I came out, everyone was in the closet. It would
have never occurred to me to ask someone, "Are you out to so
and so?" You only came out to people you suspected might be a
little funny.
The bus driver was one of them. I was in college and had
no wheels, so if I was going farther than my bike would take
me, I'd grab the bus. If I timed it right the woman driver would
be working. I say "the" woman driver because in the mid-sixties
women were not hired for strenuous jobs like sitting in one
place all day steering a bus. This driver was so butch I imagine
the personnel office would not have dared to discriminate. I
mean, she was tough-looking, dressed in pants and uniform
shirt, mumbled out of the side of her mouth and gave me the
look like she was inviting me into a club.
Which she wasn't. After months of getting up my nerve, I
stuttered ou~ some inane question to her probably along the
lines of, "Is there a gay bar in town?" The woman didn't even
look at me. It was as if my words turned her to stone, which
she probably was anyway. Never looked at me again, never
mumbled to me again. She slammed her closet door so hard I
could feel the draft.
•
• Another typical way to reach someone in our queer underground network happened when I went for driving lessons.
I got a guy instructor. He was young, good-looking and very,
very friendly. I looked kind of like a more androgynous Harry
Potter. I was totally shocked when this guy asked me out at the
end of the first lesson. What was he thinking?
I found out. He 1d been scoping me out for the girl
teacher. It took a few lessons for Grace and I to murmur
enough innuendoes to each other to come out. When we did I
not only learned that it took getting inspected by an intermediary to enter her circle, but that she'd actually been married to
the guy who owned the driving school and still used his name.
Walk-in closet.
8
Can you imagine? It was like wearing a virtual burka
twenty-four/ seven. Out to my family, friends, to neighbors,
teachers, employers? Forget it. You just did not tell. Or ask.
And gay people still do this. I still do this. My early training went deep.
It's a lot more complex now. In my twenties I knew I
could only be out on weekends around other gays. During the
week the gay part of me (all 99.9% of it) simply disappeared.
Pouf! I'm a normie. Now navigating the world is like walking
across a checkerboard and knowing that some of the red
squares are too dangerous to step on.
My general policy is to be out to everyone. Doctors, lawyers, the accountant, these kinds of people have to know. But
the bank tellers? Does one describe one 1s beneficiary as a friend
or domestic partner? Loan officers? Realtors? I1m still a little
nervous around these folks.
I was out looking for a place to live with a realtor recently and we drove by a house in a 11nice11 neighborhood. I explained the geography of gay to her. Sometimes, nice neighborhoods are family value neighborhoods. If a butch lesbian shows
up on moving day with a retinue of little red dyke trucks and
women who stack cartons of books three high in their arms, the
welcome mats get pulled inside. The realtor said, "But I thought
we were good about that kind of thing here." "It only takes
one,'1I told her, 11 and I'd rather live in a quirky old fixer-upper
than a neat closet.11
I1veleft many closets behind. The newly-out closet where
every square looks red. The post-Stonewall closet where danger
was just another word for excitement. The bar closet where I
almost drowned in alcohol. The job closet which required incredible maneuvering between overly - curious straight ladies,
oblivious men on the make and little power-hungry bosses for
whom difference was a weapon. In the nineties the right wing
tried to herd us into closets the size of concentration camps.
Adolescence was a closet all its own where by turns I
cowered and flaunted my newly discovered gayness. Now I'm
in the gray-haired closet where I have to practically carry a
queer badge to be noticed, much less threaten anyone's sexuality. Yet I read a horror story about a lesbian in a nursing home.
None of the staff would bathe the dyke.
That makes me want to build a vault. Or tear down every
closet on earth.
© LeeLyllclt
2002
9
en sflcred ground
~
While I would consider Karin Kallmaker a writer of romances,
not love stories, readers are so taken with her work that it's impossible to omit her from any discussion on writing about love.
Her latest title, Substitute for Love, tells the coming out story of
Holly, a sympathetic character who has spent her life looking
for things to take the place of the real love she desperately
needs but cannot find. Her first lesbian encounter leads her to
Reyna, a woman who is battling down plenty of demons of her
own. Substitutefor Love will warm the hearts of Kallmake's legion of fans and quite likely turn of the heads of readers who
haven't discovered her yet. (Substitute for Love, Karin Kallmaker, The Naiad Press, $12.95)
by Joy Parks
All For Love
In her introduction to Love Shook My Heart II, editor Jess
Wells notes that lesbians love love. But while lesbian formula
romances are plentiful, real, honest love stories are in rather
short supply. That's why LoveShookMy Heart II is so welcome.
The warmth and vulnerability infused throughout this collection is impossible to resist. While many of these stories deal
with romantic love between women, the anthology also contains touching and sometimes troubling stories that demonstrate how other kinds of love will shake our hearts and shape
our lives. While all the work is first rate, my favorite is Karen X.
Tulchinsky's "Penny a Point," a sweet, tender story that proves
love can surprise us, obsess us, shake us and change us at any
time in our lives. LoveShookMy Heart II is a touching reminder
of the power of love between women. And you've got to love
that. (Love Shook My Heart II, Edited by Jess Wells, Alyson
Books, $13.95)
•
For those who like their love a little more physical, On Our
Backs: The Best Erotic Fiction is one of the few erotica anthologies that actually deserves to have the word 11best 11 as part of its
title. I have to admit that I prefer the writings published in the
magazine's earlier days, such as the unforgettable love song to
lesbian hands in Dorothy Allison's 11An Exploration," Lee
Lynch's sensual and tender look of the agelessness of love and
desire in "Cactus Love,11and Joan Nestle's classic "My Woman
Poppa/ which in 1988, offered up a rare view of fem.me lust.
On Our Backs:The Best Erotic Fiction, is, unlike many anthologies, filled with the work of real lesbian writers, writing about
lesbians, for lesbians, and doing so with great love and much
courage. Many of these stories have the power to seduce our
minds as well as heat our bodies, which is what the best erotic
writing should do. (On Our Backs:The Best EroticFiction,Edited
by Lindsay McClune, Alyson Books, $14.95)
10
Sacred Classic: Patience and Sarah.
t
I
The title for this month's Sacred Classic was suggested to me
by someone very special who I think knows more about the
meaning of love than just about anyone. Originally published
in 1969 as A PlaceFor Us, Patience and Sarah is the wonderfully
loving tale of two women who, without any models but the
desire in their hearts, chart out a life together guided simply by
their commitment to each other. Based on the real life story of
early 19th century artist and farmer, Mary Ann Wilson and the
love of her life, Miss Brundidge, Patienceand Sarah tells of the
difficulties and joys of their life together, and portrays lesbian
love with great tenderness and pride. Readers will never look
at a feather bed again without smiling. It's a passionate, brave
and well-told story of a love so strong that it gave these women
the courage to turn their backs on everything and make up
their own rules in order to be together. Lesbian literature owes
much to the great courage of writer Isabel Miller, who risked
everything for her belief in the power of the stories of our lives.
Patienceand Sarah is by far one of the most important, pioneering lesbian novels ever written and we are fortunate that it remains in print. (Patienceand Sarah, by Isabel Miller, Crest
Fawett paperback, $6.99)
• Ask for these books
at your local feminist bookstore.
1I
Funny valentine
I am so in love, and I think we're going to make it because we did the "house thing." We bought a house together.
I've seen a lot of solid couples fold right after the purchase of
their first home. Seems one lesbian always wants to bolt right
after that. The last bastion of a supposed free spirit rears its
head once more, and her buttons get pushed out the wazoo
regarding the advent of forever. Me? Her? That house? Always? Run!
In heterosexual terms, I was a gay divorcee. They got the
gay part right and the divorcee part. I was married a couple of
three or four times. I'd been conditioned all my female life to
enslave myself to another. I was young and so conventional in
my desire for completion in the form of a relationship. I still
am.
11mtalking about marriage, not that I think that a marriage should be the ultimate goal of a love affair. I've had an
assortment of arrangements, all with their virtues. Still, for a
middle class white girl like me, trapping someone in a longterm relationship and driving them over the brink is where it's
at.
It's not enough to have loved them. It's nothing to do
with letting go. It's about squeezing; holding on so hard it feels
like you'll suffocate them. And there they are held so tightly
that their blood shot eyes are bugged from their sockets, and
their lips have gone blue, but there's a smile on those lips if you
look real close. With my gal it's that way: crushing, ribbreaking love.
And I know, I know. Many of you squirm here at the
thought of this kind of suffocating love. Yeeeeeuck! _Y~u'~e
been to your counselors, paid the therapist and the verdict 1srn:
you need a lot of space. And I say good luck to you and that
paradox. It ain't easy. I know your pain. But love is o_ftenfettered. In fact, for me, fettered works.
I want the suffocating love. If I have to die, I think that
would be a nice way to go: suffocated by her love. She smoth12
ered me with kisses? I died. She died too.
You want love that ages you, too. This womon aged me.
She came to me with her promise of forever and we got down
to business. But it changed me. Instead of growing younger I
im~ediately grew comfortable and sprouted chin hairs. The
hard race was over. The pace, the chase - over, and my body
sat up straight and started clapping, held a hormone party and
tried to get pregnant; over there on the couch, the floor, in the
shed, the barn, the garage, on top of the garage, in the car in the
garage. You get the picture. And since we couldn't make a
baby, we had to find other forms of expression. This little piece
of writing is one of them. Buying the house, another.
Every relationship I've had had its own chemistry; the
alchemy of the love between the two. I can think of a "baby"
made with each womon: rock bands, adventures, incredible
revelations of self-discovery. Each womon gave me something:
deep friendships, a few formidable enemies. I learned so much,
like what I wouldn't put up with, or what kind of things I
would look for next time around. In this way, each heartbreak
furthered me, made me better, able to give more of the good
stuff next time around, and ultimately, in the end, prepared me
for this, my greatest love.
So Happy Valentine's Day, lesbians. A toast to "the lovin'
of the game. 11 Here's to the lion hearted gals who don't get it
right the first time, or even the second, third or fourth, fifth,
sixth. Here's to the womin who bought the house and got
dumped. Here 1s to the womin whose partners died (there were
lesbians in the world trade center Sept. 11). Here's to the womin
who gave it everything they had only to arrive home early one
day and catch her with someone else, after 12 long years. Here's
to the gals who had guts enough to leave after 12 long years.
Here's to the womin who never leave, who have the guts to
hang in there and forgive. And finally, here's to the womin who
get right back in there when things do crap out, and risk it all
again, the lionesses.
One last thing. Blessings to the womin who are alone, for
in aloneness and the development of a relationship with the
self lies the secret to success in all games, including the relationship game. There are many noble paths upon which to
travel. The love affair with another is just one. ~
© LeslieMrGirl
13
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An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Inc.
An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Inc. is collecting applications for Executive Director. Legacy is a Washington DC
based national nonprofit foundation that awards grants and
academic scholarships to lesbian leaders. The Executive Director position requires a highly skilled fundraiser who possesses
broad-based experience in all phases of nonprofit management.
The successful candidate will be tasked to grow the organization through creation and execution of a development plan
which includes national major donor and corporate fundraising, a public relations plan and collaboration with the Board
and other organizations in furthering Legacy's mission.
For a more details, please review the position description
at http://www.uncommonlegacy.org/exdir.htm
or call (202)
265-1926.The position will remain open until filled. Competitive compensation and benefits package are included. Please
send a cover letter and resume to:
An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Inc.
P.O. Box 33727
Washington, DC 20033
The Laramie Project
HBO's The LaramieProject - a film about Matthew
Shepard - is scheduled to air on Saturday, March 9, 2002, at
8pm Eastern and 7pm Central.
HAPPILYEVERAFl'ER
Stacy Chandler
¼
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F,operty of the CE:nter
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(iood, New;,pO;Jitwe, RemMUier;,-
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Fibrurury 2002
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VOLUMNVII, ISSUE2, February2002
Our First Poet of Love
©2002 MAKAW
by Marilda Mel White
This is the month of Valentine's Day - a day for celebrating love - so I wanted to write a few words about love. Then I
got to thinking ... there have been a lot of words written about
love by a lot of other people throughout history. I'm guessing
the first love note was scratched on a rock or a piece of bark
and handed from one cave person to another (it could have
been one cave woman to another cave woman, you know), and
people have found a variety of ways to communicate about
love ever since.
One of the first and best known people to publicly express love was Sappho, who lived and wrote (among other pursuits) on the Greek Isle of Lesbos in the sixth century BC.
. Much of her actual work has been lost to the ravages of
time and the Church, but her influence lives on, and scholars
and historians have been able to piece together information
about Sappho's life as well as bits and pieces of her poetry. Evidently translating ancient Greek is quite an art, and just about
every poem of Sappho's available to us today has a number of
different translations, all of which affect the meaning and the
purpose of any given work. But on some things, pretty much
everyone agrees.
One is that Sappho (who lived around 610BC-570BC),
spent time on the Isle teaching the arts to young women and
writing her poetry. Most also agree that many of her poems of
love were for other women, and that at the time and place, that
was really no big deal at all.
2
Another is that her poetry was and still is something exquisite - she is often regarded as the originator of "lyric poetry" (she refined a lyric meter in such a way that it is still
known as the "sapphic meter"). Sappho is also generally regarded as the first to write poems in the first person (not from
the viewpoint of the gods, which was common then) and to
write of intensely personal feelings regarding love. Some of her
poems were even downright erotic.
The Christians burned a lot of books in the fourth century
AD, and most scholars agree that Sappho's were burned then
as well, but not necessarily because she wrote of love for
women. More likely it was because she spoke of pleasures of
the flesh in a free, deep and meaningful way, and that she
seemed to be a priestess of the pagan goddess Aphrodite. The
issue of Sappho's sexual preferences wasn't even an issue until
good ol' Queen Victoria's people decided to make it one in the
late 19th century.
At any rate, a lot of people's work has been burned or
lost in other ways over the years, but Sappho's lives on - her
name and contribution to the world of literature (erotic or otherwise) has not only survived but thrived.
Which can be interpreted as another example of how you
just can't keep a good woman down. Or how love is love, that
the expression of love can and does touch us all - no matter
who we are, or who we love. Or that a woman's love for another woman can be just as beautiful (and sensual, free, deep,
meaningful, lyrical and magical) as we allow it to be.
Thinking about Sappho, I think the message is that it
really doesn't matter, when using the words of love, whether
someone is talking about love between a man and a woman, or
between two women or between two men. The words and the
feelings are the same. Love is love - how human beings see it,
feel it, think it and define it, and how we speak it, sing it, or
write it, hasn't changed a whole lot through time. Hopefully it
never will.
Sappho seems to have gotten the official love poetry
thing going for all of us. So let's keep it up.
Happy Valentine's Day to you all, and always remember,
as I believe Sappho did, that even; day is a good day to remember to express your love. •
3
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I nurture all my relationships
When I am in a relationship with a single partner, I sometimes am tempted to neglect friendships and other sources of
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Today I evaluate the important relationships in my life. I consider which ones need more attention. If my partner has restricted relationships, perhaps we can discuss the situation together and plan how each of us can reach outside without hurting the other. Without waiting for a crises to force change, I work
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Dear Savvy Sappho - My seventy-year-old grandmother
wants to live with me. I'm 32 and single. Can this work?
- Signed, Granny's Lil Snookums
DearSnookums- It canwork,but it's up to bothof you. Hash
out basicrules and understandingsbeforeshe movesin. This
couldalsobe a wonderful,enrichingexperience
for bothof you.
One thing is for sure,you bothsharea commonnemesis:your
mom. - SS
Dear Savvy Sappho - My sweetie has been playing the tuba
for five years now. He's getting louder and louder but can't
keep a tune. It's driving me batty - how should I broach this
subject?
- Signed, Deef in Both Ears
DearDeef - You didn't mentionwhetheror not your honeyis
trying to get into a symphonyor rockband. Or lie may just
reapgreat pleasureplaying without any goal in mind. Pipe
downand doubleup on your earplugs,orfind yourown hobby
outsideof the housewhen he's practicing.Say nothingif you
lovehim,andfind a way to understandhou,it's fun and importantfor him.- SS
This month's Sawy Sapphic Suggestionsfor Successful
Lesbian Living by Stacy Chandler. If you have a question,
send it to SS % Makaw, PO Box 130, Tehachapi, CA 93561
AQUARIUS
January 20-February
18
Flittering spirit burning bright,
Who's that surprise bathed in moonlight?
Go with the flow and never fight,
Love and joy shall be your plight.*
BE WARNED - THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ABOVE DO NOT
NECESSARILY REFLECT THE AURA OF THE COSMOS!
6
7
by Lee Lynch
Closets I Have KN own
When I came out, everyone was in the closet. It would
have never occurred to me to ask someone, "Are you out to so
and so?" You only came out to people you suspected might be a
little funny.
The bus driver was one of them. I was in college and had
no wheels, so if I was going farther than my bike would take
me, I'd grab the bus. If I timed it right the woman driver would
be working. I say "the" woman driver because in the mid-sixties
women were not hired for strenuous jobs like sitting in one
place all day steering a bus. This driver was so butch I imagine
the personnel office would not have dared to discriminate. I
mean, she was tough-looking, dressed in pants and uniform
shirt, mumbled out of the side of her mouth and gave me the
look like she was inviting me into a club.
Which she wasn't. After months of getting up my nerve, I
stuttered ou~ some inane question to her probably along the
lines of, "Is there a gay bar in town?" The woman didn't even
look at me. It was as if my words turned her to stone, which
she probably was anyway. Never looked at me again, never
mumbled to me again. She slammed her closet door so hard I
could feel the draft.
•
• Another typical way to reach someone in our queer underground network happened when I went for driving lessons.
I got a guy instructor. He was young, good-looking and very,
very friendly. I looked kind of like a more androgynous Harry
Potter. I was totally shocked when this guy asked me out at the
end of the first lesson. What was he thinking?
I found out. He 1d been scoping me out for the girl
teacher. It took a few lessons for Grace and I to murmur
enough innuendoes to each other to come out. When we did I
not only learned that it took getting inspected by an intermediary to enter her circle, but that she'd actually been married to
the guy who owned the driving school and still used his name.
Walk-in closet.
8
Can you imagine? It was like wearing a virtual burka
twenty-four/ seven. Out to my family, friends, to neighbors,
teachers, employers? Forget it. You just did not tell. Or ask.
And gay people still do this. I still do this. My early training went deep.
It's a lot more complex now. In my twenties I knew I
could only be out on weekends around other gays. During the
week the gay part of me (all 99.9% of it) simply disappeared.
Pouf! I'm a normie. Now navigating the world is like walking
across a checkerboard and knowing that some of the red
squares are too dangerous to step on.
My general policy is to be out to everyone. Doctors, lawyers, the accountant, these kinds of people have to know. But
the bank tellers? Does one describe one 1s beneficiary as a friend
or domestic partner? Loan officers? Realtors? I1m still a little
nervous around these folks.
I was out looking for a place to live with a realtor recently and we drove by a house in a 11nice11 neighborhood. I explained the geography of gay to her. Sometimes, nice neighborhoods are family value neighborhoods. If a butch lesbian shows
up on moving day with a retinue of little red dyke trucks and
women who stack cartons of books three high in their arms, the
welcome mats get pulled inside. The realtor said, "But I thought
we were good about that kind of thing here." "It only takes
one,'1I told her, 11 and I'd rather live in a quirky old fixer-upper
than a neat closet.11
I1veleft many closets behind. The newly-out closet where
every square looks red. The post-Stonewall closet where danger
was just another word for excitement. The bar closet where I
almost drowned in alcohol. The job closet which required incredible maneuvering between overly - curious straight ladies,
oblivious men on the make and little power-hungry bosses for
whom difference was a weapon. In the nineties the right wing
tried to herd us into closets the size of concentration camps.
Adolescence was a closet all its own where by turns I
cowered and flaunted my newly discovered gayness. Now I'm
in the gray-haired closet where I have to practically carry a
queer badge to be noticed, much less threaten anyone's sexuality. Yet I read a horror story about a lesbian in a nursing home.
None of the staff would bathe the dyke.
That makes me want to build a vault. Or tear down every
closet on earth.
© LeeLyllclt
2002
9
en sflcred ground
~
While I would consider Karin Kallmaker a writer of romances,
not love stories, readers are so taken with her work that it's impossible to omit her from any discussion on writing about love.
Her latest title, Substitute for Love, tells the coming out story of
Holly, a sympathetic character who has spent her life looking
for things to take the place of the real love she desperately
needs but cannot find. Her first lesbian encounter leads her to
Reyna, a woman who is battling down plenty of demons of her
own. Substitutefor Love will warm the hearts of Kallmake's legion of fans and quite likely turn of the heads of readers who
haven't discovered her yet. (Substitute for Love, Karin Kallmaker, The Naiad Press, $12.95)
by Joy Parks
All For Love
In her introduction to Love Shook My Heart II, editor Jess
Wells notes that lesbians love love. But while lesbian formula
romances are plentiful, real, honest love stories are in rather
short supply. That's why LoveShookMy Heart II is so welcome.
The warmth and vulnerability infused throughout this collection is impossible to resist. While many of these stories deal
with romantic love between women, the anthology also contains touching and sometimes troubling stories that demonstrate how other kinds of love will shake our hearts and shape
our lives. While all the work is first rate, my favorite is Karen X.
Tulchinsky's "Penny a Point," a sweet, tender story that proves
love can surprise us, obsess us, shake us and change us at any
time in our lives. LoveShookMy Heart II is a touching reminder
of the power of love between women. And you've got to love
that. (Love Shook My Heart II, Edited by Jess Wells, Alyson
Books, $13.95)
•
For those who like their love a little more physical, On Our
Backs: The Best Erotic Fiction is one of the few erotica anthologies that actually deserves to have the word 11best 11 as part of its
title. I have to admit that I prefer the writings published in the
magazine's earlier days, such as the unforgettable love song to
lesbian hands in Dorothy Allison's 11An Exploration," Lee
Lynch's sensual and tender look of the agelessness of love and
desire in "Cactus Love,11and Joan Nestle's classic "My Woman
Poppa/ which in 1988, offered up a rare view of fem.me lust.
On Our Backs:The Best Erotic Fiction, is, unlike many anthologies, filled with the work of real lesbian writers, writing about
lesbians, for lesbians, and doing so with great love and much
courage. Many of these stories have the power to seduce our
minds as well as heat our bodies, which is what the best erotic
writing should do. (On Our Backs:The Best EroticFiction,Edited
by Lindsay McClune, Alyson Books, $14.95)
10
Sacred Classic: Patience and Sarah.
t
I
The title for this month's Sacred Classic was suggested to me
by someone very special who I think knows more about the
meaning of love than just about anyone. Originally published
in 1969 as A PlaceFor Us, Patience and Sarah is the wonderfully
loving tale of two women who, without any models but the
desire in their hearts, chart out a life together guided simply by
their commitment to each other. Based on the real life story of
early 19th century artist and farmer, Mary Ann Wilson and the
love of her life, Miss Brundidge, Patienceand Sarah tells of the
difficulties and joys of their life together, and portrays lesbian
love with great tenderness and pride. Readers will never look
at a feather bed again without smiling. It's a passionate, brave
and well-told story of a love so strong that it gave these women
the courage to turn their backs on everything and make up
their own rules in order to be together. Lesbian literature owes
much to the great courage of writer Isabel Miller, who risked
everything for her belief in the power of the stories of our lives.
Patienceand Sarah is by far one of the most important, pioneering lesbian novels ever written and we are fortunate that it remains in print. (Patienceand Sarah, by Isabel Miller, Crest
Fawett paperback, $6.99)
• Ask for these books
at your local feminist bookstore.
1I
Funny valentine
I am so in love, and I think we're going to make it because we did the "house thing." We bought a house together.
I've seen a lot of solid couples fold right after the purchase of
their first home. Seems one lesbian always wants to bolt right
after that. The last bastion of a supposed free spirit rears its
head once more, and her buttons get pushed out the wazoo
regarding the advent of forever. Me? Her? That house? Always? Run!
In heterosexual terms, I was a gay divorcee. They got the
gay part right and the divorcee part. I was married a couple of
three or four times. I'd been conditioned all my female life to
enslave myself to another. I was young and so conventional in
my desire for completion in the form of a relationship. I still
am.
11mtalking about marriage, not that I think that a marriage should be the ultimate goal of a love affair. I've had an
assortment of arrangements, all with their virtues. Still, for a
middle class white girl like me, trapping someone in a longterm relationship and driving them over the brink is where it's
at.
It's not enough to have loved them. It's nothing to do
with letting go. It's about squeezing; holding on so hard it feels
like you'll suffocate them. And there they are held so tightly
that their blood shot eyes are bugged from their sockets, and
their lips have gone blue, but there's a smile on those lips if you
look real close. With my gal it's that way: crushing, ribbreaking love.
And I know, I know. Many of you squirm here at the
thought of this kind of suffocating love. Yeeeeeuck! _Y~u'~e
been to your counselors, paid the therapist and the verdict 1srn:
you need a lot of space. And I say good luck to you and that
paradox. It ain't easy. I know your pain. But love is o_ftenfettered. In fact, for me, fettered works.
I want the suffocating love. If I have to die, I think that
would be a nice way to go: suffocated by her love. She smoth12
ered me with kisses? I died. She died too.
You want love that ages you, too. This womon aged me.
She came to me with her promise of forever and we got down
to business. But it changed me. Instead of growing younger I
im~ediately grew comfortable and sprouted chin hairs. The
hard race was over. The pace, the chase - over, and my body
sat up straight and started clapping, held a hormone party and
tried to get pregnant; over there on the couch, the floor, in the
shed, the barn, the garage, on top of the garage, in the car in the
garage. You get the picture. And since we couldn't make a
baby, we had to find other forms of expression. This little piece
of writing is one of them. Buying the house, another.
Every relationship I've had had its own chemistry; the
alchemy of the love between the two. I can think of a "baby"
made with each womon: rock bands, adventures, incredible
revelations of self-discovery. Each womon gave me something:
deep friendships, a few formidable enemies. I learned so much,
like what I wouldn't put up with, or what kind of things I
would look for next time around. In this way, each heartbreak
furthered me, made me better, able to give more of the good
stuff next time around, and ultimately, in the end, prepared me
for this, my greatest love.
So Happy Valentine's Day, lesbians. A toast to "the lovin'
of the game. 11 Here's to the lion hearted gals who don't get it
right the first time, or even the second, third or fourth, fifth,
sixth. Here's to the womin who bought the house and got
dumped. Here 1s to the womin whose partners died (there were
lesbians in the world trade center Sept. 11). Here's to the womin
who gave it everything they had only to arrive home early one
day and catch her with someone else, after 12 long years. Here's
to the gals who had guts enough to leave after 12 long years.
Here's to the womin who never leave, who have the guts to
hang in there and forgive. And finally, here's to the womin who
get right back in there when things do crap out, and risk it all
again, the lionesses.
One last thing. Blessings to the womin who are alone, for
in aloneness and the development of a relationship with the
self lies the secret to success in all games, including the relationship game. There are many noble paths upon which to
travel. The love affair with another is just one. ~
© LeslieMrGirl
13
i
I
I
An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Inc.
An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Inc. is collecting applications for Executive Director. Legacy is a Washington DC
based national nonprofit foundation that awards grants and
academic scholarships to lesbian leaders. The Executive Director position requires a highly skilled fundraiser who possesses
broad-based experience in all phases of nonprofit management.
The successful candidate will be tasked to grow the organization through creation and execution of a development plan
which includes national major donor and corporate fundraising, a public relations plan and collaboration with the Board
and other organizations in furthering Legacy's mission.
For a more details, please review the position description
at http://www.uncommonlegacy.org/exdir.htm
or call (202)
265-1926.The position will remain open until filled. Competitive compensation and benefits package are included. Please
send a cover letter and resume to:
An Uncommon Legacy Foundation, Inc.
P.O. Box 33727
Washington, DC 20033
The Laramie Project
HBO's The LaramieProject - a film about Matthew
Shepard - is scheduled to air on Saturday, March 9, 2002, at
8pm Eastern and 7pm Central.
HAPPILYEVERAFl'ER
Stacy Chandler
¼
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