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Vnique audio experiences to enhance your creativity and healing ...
Secrets of Eternity

The Elements

EXPLORE

•

THE
Healing Imagery & Mu1lc
Nan-ation by L)llln llijili Marlow
Music by Dana Harden

THE ELEMENTS:
HEALIN(i IMA(iERY, AND MUSIC

Dana's evocative music and Lynn
Bijili Marlow's imagery and
breathing suggestions guide you
on a journey through the
landscapes of your soul-through
the elements of Earth, Water, Fire,
Air and Ether.

LANDSCAPES
OF

YOUR
SOUL
with

Dana Harden

Cassette (EHI001l, 41 min.

PANAHAltO(N

Po(~ >-4HONfY

'

EtfRNITY 1 S
' SvNRISE

Gui<.k<l lmagcry. MU$ic& Myth

from Will~m Ul-akc's /JIJ(Ji of Mil1tm
by Dana Harden

SECRETS

OF

ETERNITY

An original soundtrack for a
condensed version of
William Blake's epic
mythological journey of
integrating our masculine
and feminine selves, and
becoming a whole human
being.
Cassette (SOE003l, 93

. Dana Harden's melodically and
rhythmically- charged compositions
are "sound-tracks for the psyche"
and come out of his innovative
healing work as a music therapist
in Boulder, Colorado.
TO ORDER:
For each tape send $1 D , $1.50 S&H to

Golgonooza Productions
PO Box 19614. Boulder'. CO 80308-2614
303-530- 7617

ETERNITY'S SUNRISE
Experience the rich,
improvisational musical tapestry
of ancient Sufi and Sephardic
melodies, expressed by the harp
of Polly Mahoney and Dana
Harden's synthesizer.
Cassette (ES 004), 61 min.

THE ELEMENTS
WILD WOMEN AND MADMEN
A live digital recording of five passionate
performances of stories, poetry and
music: featuring P.G. Palmer, Billie
Patton, John Jesitus, Lynn Bijili Marlow
and Dana Harden.
Cassette (WWM005l, 75 min.

INSTRUMENTAL SOUNDTRACK

An even more ecstatic,
instrumental-only performance
of THE ELEMENTS soundtrack.
Cassette (EIS002l,44 min.

Wave oJWomen
Conunn _______~
Editorial
Letters
Interview
Kathleen Adams
Prose
Fireflies
Stumbling Through
Issues
Domestic Violence
Health
Columns
Mother/Wife
Asteroid Goddesses
Journey to the Center
Relationships
Lavender Column
Poetry
Wave of Women
Ancient Vision
Dark Night Longing
She Was There
The Campfire
Intentions
A Matter of Choice
Articles
The Candidate

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12

Journal Entries
Faces and Butterflies
Garden Therapy
Humor
Ann Reichner
Hole in the Sidewalk
omen in Prison Project
Project Update
's Story
no Concerto
~ e
s
0 is Simonsen
ice Bernat
Suzanne Ghiglia
Wahaba Heartsun
views
Creating Health
The Elements
Ancient Mother
Journey to Joy
rican Women's Writing
ating Our Hearts Out

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17
18
25

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6
9
9
5
7
11
19
20
20
21

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22
25
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The cover art was drawn by A ice em , inspired by a "vision" I had. I saw ancient,
medieval, Victorian, pioneer women, of every size, shape, color, and age. Their bodies
formed the path itself, leading to this point, one woman, each of us, and the future
before us, and in our daughters and granddaughters. -LM
Woman's Way is a quarterly publication
dedicated to establish a sacred space for
self-discovery and self-expression. We intend to support women's creativity and selfexpression by offering the space to read and
write about our lives. In this way we hope to
foster individual growth and healthy community. We want to support, nurture, heal
and empower women in the community at
large, by giving women an opportunity to
acknowledge and tap the resources within.
We wish to take an assertive - as opposed
to a victim or blaming - approach to our
problems and challenges in life.
We encourage women's unique way of
knowing and being in the world - believing
that a feminine approach to spirituality and
life in general is necessary for us to be
healthy individuals and create a healthy
society. We are particularly interested in
offering previously unpublished writers an
opportunity to share their work. We also
print excerpts from women's personal journals to help overcome the sense of isolation
that many women feel, as well as to acknowledge the feminine principle that "the
most personal is the most universal."

Woman's Way is distributed throughout
the Boulder/Denver area and is now also
carried by three national distributors.
Lynn Bijili Marlow
publisher/editor
Alice Bernat
production designer
B. McDonald
business manager, advertising
Elsie Goosen
accounting
P.G. Palmer, Jyoti Wind,
Elaine Brown, Helena Mariposa,
Marilyn Hough and Chuck Schmitt
columnists
Mailing Address:
P.O. Box 19614, Boulder, CO 80308-2614
(303) 530-7617
DEADLINES

Fall '94 issue - August 31
Winter '94 issue - November 30

Waves of women
Side by side
Shoulder to shoulder
Hand in hand
Heart to heart
We stand
Stepping through time
Wave upon wave
Over and over
Each wave rising, cresting,
flowing
Over the shore of
Oppression and lies
Doubt and fear
The tide comes in
The tide goes out
Washing away the grains of sand
That seem to stand in our way
While the undertow sucks them
back to sea
To be taken into the shell
One by one
Until a pearl is born
Wave upon wave
Grain upon grain
Shell after shell
Pearls together
Alone in our shells
Mother daughter mother daughter
From ancient priestess to
corporate lawyer
Amazon queen to single mother
Witch to bag lady
Sappho to Maya Angelou
Who ever questions that the
ocean lives forever?
Lynn Bijili Marlow

In Our Next Issue:
The theme will be Passages, featuring an
interview with Julia Cameron, author of The
Artist's Way, The Spiritual Path to Creativity

Future Issues of WW
In upcoming issues, our focus will be breast
cancer. Please send us your letters, journal
entries, poems, stories, and artwork on this
theme. Reviews of books on this topic are
also welcome, as are resources for women
dealing with breast cancer.
Woman's Way is also planning to publish
two issues on Feminism. In the first, we will
focus on the history of feminism, in the following issue we will explore where feminism
is now. Please write to us and let us know
what you think of feminism. What is your
definition of the word? Is it meaningful to
you in your life now? Why or why not?

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

1

EDITORIAL

CJJear :f'riends

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - LYNN BIJILI MARLOW, E D I T O R - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

Months ago when considering themes for our upcoming issues, I
came up with thriving for this summer-our first anniversary issue.
Little did I realize at that time how appropriate that theme would be.
As you can see, we have grown from our initial twelve page newsletter
of last summer to a 28-page magazine! All in one short (but busy) year!
I believe that fits into the category of thriving! So in this issue of WW
we come together to celebrate the bounty of our womanhood.
In the past, I have often gotten together with my women friends
and shared "war stories" and "breakthroughs." Certainly it is supportive to share our feelings, often of grief and anger, and the trials of our
process of healing. However, more and more I and many of my
women friends who have spent many years healing from incest
and other childhood traumas are moving from that phase into
celebrating the fullness of our lives.
Hopefully, it offers a ray of hope to those who are still in
the heart-breaking work of plowing weed infested, rocky
fields, that some of us are sowing new seeds of healthier
lives and others are now reaping the harvest. Some are
even blossoming into the fullness of our lives, finding joy in
being our natural selves and re-seeding the fields by sharing
the wisdom of our hard-earned experience with others.
Some of the seeds of our early years that were planted in
dark, often barren soil, neglected by lack of water and sunlight,
still managed to sprout. These delicate sprouts then had to face the
challenge of surviving drought, cold winds, and heat waves. Amazingly
enough, many of us did it, although some may have felt like small
sprigs of green that, against all odds, emerge out of the cracks in city
cement, alone and unsupported by anything or anyone in our environment. Life has an amazing capacity to prevail despite obstacles, although it doesn't always feel that way. We have survived! Now, having
learned the art of farming ourselves, we treat the seeds and sprouts of
the abundant innate qualities in the garden of our natural selves tenderly and wisely. And Lo! The garden is flourishing!
I am reminded of the story, recently reproduced as a beautiful and
touching film, The Secret Garden. The young heroine, an abandoned,
neglected orphan, discovers an abandoned and neglected garden.
Through her vision, rebellious, tenacious spirit, and love, she brings
herself, others who are wasting away in grief, loneliness and despair,
and the garden to flourish. She is a role model for all of us, I believe.
Throughout this past year, I have been reclaiming my own secret
garden, owning my knowing and my voice. I've been discovering solid
support deep within my own body, allowing my roots to probe deep
into the fertile soil I have been cultivating for many years. Listening to
our bodies, our intuitions, is a revolutionary act. Most of us have been
raised to listen only to outer authorities.
With WW coming out, spreading across the country, being interviewed by newspapers, having some of my writing published in national magazines, I find myself shedding an old, long out-worn identity.
I recently told a reporter who was interviewing me about our Women
in Prison Project that I had never felt listened to as a child. As I said
this, she was writing down my words and the little tape recorder was
capturing each syllable, cough, sigh. I had to laugh. It is hard to continue to believe that I am not listened to under these circumstances.
Still, it is not easy to "forget" those times and to remember that it
is different now. But with the passing of time and hard work, these patterns grow fainter. Like an ancient tapestry, they have faded, becoming
more distant, quieter, haunting me less and less frequently.
Change is usually slow, within and without. Within, I see myself
and others shifting patterns and beliefs. Without, I see glimmers of
change. Slowly amid the stagnant pools of conservatism, continued

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abuse, and economic inequality, women are taking on new roles.
Hillary Clinton is a healthier role model than most of the presidents'
wives to date. Her role in the presidency is, if not revolutionary, certainly different enough from her predecessors' to be encouraging, offering us a glimpse of the future. With her, the possibility of a woman
president begins to come into focus.
When I look at the books being published by and about women I
am also heartened. However, when I look at the choices in women's
magazines available on the mainstream market, I am less encouraged.
I'm tired of standing in line at the check-out counters and seeing 'plastic' women and articles on fashion and homemaking. I'm always relieved when I see MS magazine there, a symbol of
sanity amidst the Walt Disney fantasy world we are expected to believe is real. Out of boredom and a morbid
sense of curiosity, I sometimes glance through the wonder world of wonder women on the smorgasbord, usually next to the M&Ms and Hershey bars. Occasionally,
I see articles on health and diet, but for the most part
these high gloss, high profile magazines have little if anything to do with me or my life.
These magazines set up a false standard that
women are supposed to aim for. They try to convince us
that all women are supposed to have a certain size and shape
breast, wear certain length dresses, the 'in' color and style. We are
tricked into believing that all women are like these models, and we feel
bad about ourselves if we are not.
We see photos of "super-mothers" at their computers with the
phone in one hand and a small child on their lap, all dressed neatly
and everything in order. We feel badly about ourselves when we don't
live up to these images. We feel so bad, in fact, that some of us will go
to almost any lengths, expense, pain, and health risks, to change our
image and behaviors to fit in, including cosmetic surgery, breast implants or reductions, and excessive dieting.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to recover from the loss of
self-esteem that is the natural consequence of all the messages we get
from society. Once we wake up and realize the ruse, we are faced with
the catch-22 task of filling the vacuum that has been created inside of
us from the external referencing we have been taught. It is a major feat
to be aware of and change the "Doctor tell me what's wrong, fix me"
approach to life, to risk going into our emptiness, confusion, the "forbidden" territory of our bodies to find the truth that resides there. And
often when we do take this risk, we run headlong into disapproval and
discouraging responses from others.
All the contributors of WW are pioneers in this work and hope
that our offerings support this process. We also hope that WW will be
one of many magazines on our newsstands that reflect back to us and
express to society the beauty and power of the many facets of women.
We want WW to be a "real magazine for real women," including a variety of body types, personalities and lifestyles. We invite you all to
imagine along with us how it would be to go to a grocery store and see
magazines that feature women like yourselves and have articles and
stories that discuss the topics you discuss with your friends.
So welcome to WW! May you find a piece of yourself in the images and words offered here. If not, send us yours.
About the Publisher/Editor
Lynn Marlow is a writer living in Boulder, CO. She has a master's degree in
Jungian Psychology/counseling. She has been in private practice as a bodycentered psychotherapist doing massage, breathwork and counseling for
sixteen years. Lynn facilitates women's retreats and workshops. Contact her
at Woman's Way if you would like to arrange an event in your area.

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

LETTERS------------------------,
L___ _ _ _

rourWords ____~

Dear WW
I just got done reading WOMAN'S WAY and immediately went
to my journal to write down the thoughts it inspired. Thank you for
talking with me the other day and for sending the magazine and
sample issue. You've really got something here and it's inspired me
to continue with my women's sports magazine idea.
I especially enjoyed your intro and the interview with Christina Grof (Winter '93). But most of all , I think the Women in Prison
project is a great support for women. I once did a story for the
Santa Monica Newspaper when I was a budding reporter on a
women's prison up in the Santa Monica mountains-a group of
I oo women chosen from state prison-went to forest fire "camp"
every summer to help fight forest and brush fires in the summer. It
was very prestigious for the women to get into this particular prison
"camp" and they were quite proud of their achievements. Unbeknownst to most Southern Californians, if it weren't for these incarcerated women firefighters, their homes would probably burn down
every year. For the story, I went on their daily 7-mile morning run
through the mountains, lifted weights, etc., and had lunch with
many of the women. The interview was intriguing and the story
made front page of the culture section that month.
If there's anything I could do to help with the Women in
Prison Project, perhaps help with the journaling part, please let
me know.
Kathleen Gasperini, Boulder, CO

ELENA GIUUNI
M.A. Somatic Psychology
Cert. Practitioner of Body-Mind CenteringTM

Creating a bridge between symptoms and insights.
Exploring body awareness.
Healing painful and addictive patterns.
Experiencing choices.

Call for free consultation:

DearWW
I want to thank you for your publication .. I especially appreciate your including journal entries. I always find myself going to my
journal after reading WW. Perhaps someday I will be ready to
share some of my journaling with you and the readers. It's a big
step to come out of the closet with my journal writing. Seeing others do it is inspiring and gives me courage.
Susan S., Cambridge, MA
FROM INSIDE

Dear WW
I need to tell you that both I and my fellow inmates feel WW
is a fantastic representation of what & who we are. I feel women
are often pitted against one another in competitive form by
society's rigid rules of performance. This occurs both in the job
force & in relationship terms, & so forth. We need to find our connected ground through the oneness of our life-forces & the natural
empathetic traits we have instilled within us. Your newsletter is a
positive approach to link us back together in unity, as our women
in tribal cultures of antiquity once lived.
I passed WW around to certain close companions of mine before submitting it to the library for all to see. Also, one of our librarians made a poster with information concerning the newsletter &
article submissions. Woman's Way is becoming quite popular around
here. Hopefully many will be inspired by the articles in the Winter '93
issue & will submit some work of their own for the next issue. There
are talented, & unfortunately tormented souls within this fortress. Yet
when humans are confined & uprooted from normal human experience they often produce & express their best mental works. Sometimes it's the impetus that strikes the deepest innermost part of their
being. It causes them to find portions of the answers to those ultimate
questions to life, "Who am I, & why do I exist?"
Thank you for sharing with me & my companions here at...
Christine

Spring Greetings Lynn and Woman's Way Staff,
I trust this letter finds each of you there well - if there is a Hell,
I'm certainly there already - get the message?
Please understand that I cannot afford the $3 you require for a
sample copy but I do wish to submit my story to hopefully get published, Lynn.
It is PAST TIME, that free world women like yourself realize
that the Jean Harris story is a country club type and a myth when it
comes to reality.
Some prisons are nothing less than oppressive environments
which are operated by people who would have fitted in quite well
at the nazi concentration camps - get the message?
Myself/friends STOPPED getting up as soon as time was
called, why? Because we are tired of 'time' called at the whim of
whomever is standing meals and assumes everyone is finished eating. We non-violently protested by not getting up when time was
called. We are 'on tray' for 15 days. Oh well...
Lynn - also is there any one of Woman's Way who would care
enough to be my regular correspondent?
Lois
Ed note: If you are interested in corresponding with Lois or another inmate, please write or call WW for details.

(303) 449-5086
1722 14th Street, Suite 225-1, Boulder, CO 80302

Sen&,us y<,>Ur thoughts! Tell us about yourself and what
you'd like see in . ~ · A~dre~s lette7s to Woman's Way,
RO.Box
, Bould'er,CQ 80308··2614
'''<J:,,_

,·

.•.

..

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH oF EMPOWERMENT

3

l

coLUMN

uV[other/WifeluVle

POETRY

ANCIENT VISION

DEATH AND TRANSFORMATION

FOR BEVERLY ANTAEUS

~-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ P.G. PALMER _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~

In the dream, I asked my friend for a
gun, promptly put the muzzle behind my
left ear and pulled the trigger. I didn't die,
but it was hard to concentrate and not hit
people jogging on a highway where I next
found myself, driving a station wagon full of
children up the mountain. The car ran out
of fuel and slid sideways into some tidal
pools. In the pools I found bits of old jewelry and many-legged sea creatures that
were precious to me. An old professor gave
me some compressed gas and I managed to
put it in the car's tank and get back on the
highway.
This dream so disturbed me, I thought
of little else until I sat at my computer and
typed a dialogue between my self who
pulled the trigger and my friend who owned
the gun. I realized that part of me was
deeply angry that I planned to start working
on performance pieces for next year rather
than resting after two months of intense
dramatic work. (I had rehearsed several
times a week in March and was performing
every weekend throughout April in a Goddess Theater production.) My angry self was
attempting to kill off the analytical mind
and cause it to lose focus. This made me
aware that I was "out of gas" and needed to
refuel by recovering items of value from my
subconscious (the tidal pools). I immediately promised this furious self that I would
rest, and arranged a week off after the last
show with no evening appointments.
It was lovely to be just mom and wife
again, slipping my hands over dishes in
sudsy water, discussing school projects with
Sy and Mr. Bigg, spending quiet hours with
my husband.
But there were more death dreams to
come. A co-worker died, and I wept for her
husband; then the dream changed, and it

was my sister Cece who had died of cancer.
It changed again and I was arranging for my
new boss to be out of the office so he could
act as pall bearer for a sheriff on his team
who had died.
As I was writing the dreams down, I
abruptly remembered an earlier sequence
where I had saved a princess (my boss' concubine) when a "liquid bad guy" melted her
down inside himself. I had to pour them
both out, separate the colors, and put the
princess into a container that would solidify
her again. She looked like the cookies my
son Zig had made the night before, all run
together, with faint indentations marking
her limbs. In the dream, I re-ran a scene
several times where I actually escaped with
the princess by leaping with her from one
level to another, hitting the metal ramp hard
and rolling before dropping to a lower level.
I was impressed with this risk-taking and
wanted to see just how I did it.
A few weeks ago, I finally got together
with Ruth, a friend and fellow member of a
dream group. Ruth's gentle voice asked me
many probing questions about each symbol
in the dreams, and in answering her, insight
after insight flashed through me. Each death
refers to an aspect of myself that has died
and been transformed through performing
in the play just ended. The princess references my "half-baked" ideas for new performance pieces of my own. The "new boss" is
my developing intelligence guiding my career as a performance artist; naturally, he
values the princess and wants her saved.
Separating her colors from the "liquid bad
guy" is the process of discrimination as I
work on my ideas, struggling to give them
concrete form.
As I told Ruth all the benefits I had
gained from acting in the play, she pointed

Standing in my canoe -my Rainbow Witch -1 paddle kayak-style.
I am pre-dawn woman
strong as drumbeats
rhythmic as the undulating
flight of the heron;
arms reach up
and out and dip -each stroke
a poem
to the water.
Marilyn Del Clements,
Claremont, CA

out the similarity between these levels of
experience and the levels I had encountered
as I escaped with the princess. Ruth noted
that I need the princess with me in order to
take these risks, I need my talents and creative ideas.
When I can do this-unravel my night
dreams and integrate their images with conscious goals and visions, my fevered brow
unfurrows and I am made whole. The symbols in my unconscious mind give me the
courage and conviction I need to manifest
my ideas in the outside world. And by honoring the images created when I am asleep,
I send my subconscious a strong message
that it is valued, swinging wide a door that
once I may have feared to open.
P.G. Palmer has been writing all her life.
She is currently studying performance art,
creative writing, and C.G. Jung.

Ch
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4

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

PROSE

Fireflies

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THORDIS SIMONSEN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _---'

What could excite a child more than fireflies blinking in the
night? In the summertime, my family often ate dinner at Gramma
and Grampa Rownds' house. The sun had set by the time my sister
and I had finished the ginger ale Popsicles my grandmother had frozen for us--one cannot prolong eating Popsicles on a warm, Lake
Erie summer night. Not long after sunset, my mother and father
drove us home to bed.
Sometimes we were lucky and stayed at my grandparents' after
dark. Then my sister and I would catch fireflies-we called them
lightning bugs-in the back
yard. We would spot one and
then run toward it and eagerly
wait for it to light up within
reach. Then we would catch it in
cupped hands. Peeking inside,
we watched its mysterious glow.
After awhile, we let it go.
On occasion, we caught the
bugs in a lidded jar. Inevitably
some bugs escaped from the jar
when we removed the lid to catch
others. Eventually we were called
inside. We presented the wondrous lantern-it was the light we
prized, was it not-to the grown
ups who had spent the evening
chirping like crickets on the
screened-in porch.
Many times during my
childhood, my sis and I spent
the night with Gram and Gramp. We slept in twin beds in a spare
bedroom connected to one of three guest rooms by a bathroom.
While we bathed together in the tub, Gramma Rownd knotted one
end of a terry cloth hand towel for each of us; we took these dolls to
bed. In the morning we sat at the tiger-maple table in the pantry
and, in winter, ate ruby grapefruit while Gramma cooked cream of
wheat on the kitchen stove. In the summer she sat at the table with
us and ate a thin slice of Pepperidge Farm bread, buttered and
sprinkled with white sugar, while we each ate a bowl of Tony the
Tiger's frosted flakes. After breakfast my grandmother set up the card
table in the library and we three played canasta-a game she had
taught us when we were quite young. Or we went outside and she
staked the delphinium in her garden while we picked pansies or sat
on nearby flagstones and played Jacks.
We lived close enough to my grandparents that we saw them
frequently. One summer my family took a trip with them. The six of
us rode in their apple-green 98 Oldsmobile all the way from Cleveland to the Double Diamond Ranch at the foot of the Teton Mountains in Wyoming. Dressed in our straw hats, beaded belts, and
patterned cowgirl boots, my sis and I felt at home with the ranch
hands and blacksmith. Studded with distant stars, the vast Wyoming
night sky inspired even more awe than the fireflies blinking within
reach at home.
One morning my parents had gone trail riding, and my Grampa
Rownd had gone fishing. Gramma took Sis and me for a hike up the
mountain. Mud from the previous night's rain caused no problem on
the ascent. But on the way down my grandmother chose to descend
a particularly steep, slick section of the trail on her backside. Following her example, Sis and I sat down and merrily slid along the trail
behind her. Normally getting muddy was frowned upon in my family,
so this unusually uninhibited time embedded itself in my memory.

I recall no other time laughing gaily with my· grandmother. An
only child, she was orphaned in maidenhood. At twenty-one she
agreed to a marriage spearheaded by anxious relatives. My mother
was born within thirteen months, and my aunt arrived less than two
years later. How these factors shaped my grandmother's personality
and demeanor, I do not know. But the grandmother I remember was
sturdy, stiff, and a little stern. She probably seemed all the more so
alongside my ebullient Grampa Rownd.
This picture of my grandmother had become so fixed in my
mind that her appearance-the
last time I saw her-stunned
me. It was February 2, 1990.
We were in a stadium. When
she walked gingerly past me, I
glimpsed her face. It glowed:
open, soft warm, bright.
"Gram, what happened?" I
gasped. She walked briskly
down the steps ahead without
answering. I quickened my
pace and caught up to her.
"Twelve years ago," she said,
still walking. I caught up to her
again, and again I asked,
"What happened?" "Measles,"
she replied. And I woke up.
The evening I saw my
grandmother in my dream, I
had rigged up an easel to acThordis Simonsen
commodate a thirty-by-forty
inch sheet of paper in the workspace where I had been painting
once a week for three years. The two-by-three foot format I had used
until then was not spacious enough for the painting I wanted to do
now; I felt like a firefly trapped in a jar. The expanse of larger paper
seemed at the time as boundless as the Wyoming night sky, and my
soul journeyed afar when I swept my colors across it.
My grandmother escaped a nursing home where she had been
confined with Alzheimer's disease when she visited me in my sleep.
Ironically the Alzheimer's condition developed following her inexplicable, complete recovery from a terminal abdominal cancer that had
threatened her when she was sixty-one. On February 10, eight days
after my dream, Gramma Rownd donned wings and departed. She
was ninety-one.
Two weeks later, I went to a Jungian movement workshop I had
been participating in bimonthly for several weeks. My grandmother
had married a dancer, but did not dance herself. Like her, I felt inhibited, and I had joined the group to reclaim my dance.
No one else came to the workshop that week. Rather than dismiss me, the facilitator asked whether I would like to explore the
dream I had mentioned previously about my grandmother. When
she asked what had happened twelve years earlier, I associated most
strongly with the sabbatical year when I edited my first book, You
May Plow Here. The year of writing had been one of the most satisfying times of my life. Later I confirmed that I took the sabbatical in
1978, twelve years before.
When my facilitator asked me about the measles, I associated
the spots that characterize the disease with spots I had been incorporating in my paintings ever since a spontaneous painting workshop I
had participated in in October. For some reason, I especially enjoyed
Continued on page 10. ►

Womans Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

5

:f'rom Jail to Where?
SUSAN'S STORY
~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A S TOLD TO SHAARL MARI _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ J

The following is part two of an interview with a young woman who spent a
total of seven and one-half years in
prison. See WW Vol.I #4 (Spring '94)
for part one.
WW: Was there a single in~ident that you
can remember that may have conditioned
you mentally for your criminal actions?

Susan: When you condition people to
be a certain thing, once you start hittin' a
kid over the head, hittin' em with your
fists, hittin' em with extension cords, the
kid begins to wonder, is this life? A person,
you know, don't think about it, it's just a
set of circumstances. A set of circumstances is you got beat, a set of circumstances
is you're goin' to prison.
WW: Tell me about daily routines in
prison.

Susan: You wake up about 6:30 a.m.
and are on the job by 8:00 a.m. You have
counts, three times a day, where they have
to live count you to make sure that no one
has escaped. You have to be awake, up
and mobile, eyes open. You also have
three counts during the night-these are
the counts where they have to see your
face and make sure you're still breathin'.
Some people go to classes in the morning,
such as a GED class. You have job assignments. Some were dorm workers who had
to clean the toilets, strip and wax the
floors, etc.
We had 1V time which was on weekends and we had the choice of bein' outside or watchin' 1V. You had assigned
days for the 1V-if you missed your day
then you weren't in control of the 1V programs. Some people liked soap operas,
some liked westerns. You got into fights
about little petty things like who was goin'
to watch what. It was very serious and

people got hurt over things like this. I got
into a lot of trouble over the Tv. I was a
white girl in a majority of blacks and there
was a lot of trouble.
WW: Are there any classes taught in the
prison, art or music classes in addition to
GED classes?

Susan: Yes, there are classes. I didn't
have a good experience with them. The
teacher didn't take the time or she had too
many people with learning disabilities that
needed extra help to try and help me.
There's not enough help or not enough
volunteers. I didn't see that the teachers
had the gusto or get-up-and-go to really
want to help people.
I did take the art class and painted
three nice pictures. I saw a picture in a
magazine - it was a picture of a scarecrow
with a background of trees and little farm
house. When I saw the picture I said,
"Wow! I'd like to be able to paint that. So
the teacher showed me how to paint it.
That was cool!
WW: Did the guards show fairness
toward all of the inmates or was there
favoritism?

Susan: There was a lot of favoritism .
There was one girl who knew how to play
the system to her advantage. She was in
for a lot of years, but she was able to go
out to a local college for an education. Me,
I was in for six years, and I should have
been able to at least go out to a trade
school. Not everybody's goin' to want to
go to college. But I think if they were able
to send one out to college, they should
have been able to send some out to trade
school too.
One volunteer made a volunteer fire
department. He chose three girls doin' a
lot of time for this volunteer fire depart-

ment, even the girl goin' out to college. I
guess they got picked because the prison
didn't have to worry about them goin' anywhere after the prison had invested their
time and money in teachin' them CPR, etc.
WW: Was favoritism connected to sex
and drugs?

Susan: Well, there were two different
prisons. In the one prison, the guards were
powerful and good and they were logical.
They might have had their favorites, but
their favorites were people tryin' to do
right with their lives. Their favoritism was
toward people who cared about life and
cared about the human race as a whole.
Then there was the other prison where
very few of the guards fit that image. Their
favoritism was towards the ones that favoritism bought. You had male guards that
controlled your case loads and your paperwork. They controlled seein' if you were
goin' to the parole board or if you wasn't.
Their favorite thing was, 'Well honey, you
want to get on your knees and perform a
little sex act here.'
A lot of guards bring in drugs. Some
do it to turn a profit. Others want the exchange of sex favors for the drugs. One girl
I knew did sex favors for drugs, but she
was settin' the guard up to get busted.
That's how she got out the door. One girl
performed oral sex on a minister. That's
what he wanted. She got her freedom too,
and the minister probably got time because he got busted. That's what kinds of
favoritism goes on.
WW: What sort of bonding occurs between the women inmates and do these
friendships sometimes continue after they
are released?

Susan: With the black women, I'm not
really sure because I was locked up in the

WOMEN IN PRISON PROJECT UPDATE
Shaarl is in the midst of a major
healing process and has had to resign
her position as WIPP coordinator. We
wish her the best and extend to her our
deepest gratitude for all her help with
the program.
We also wish to thank Charlotte
Mears for her extensive and excellent

6

Womans Way

work in completing the Scientific and
Cultural Facilities District grant application in which we requested funds to
facilitate writing workshops in the Boulder County Jail.
Thanks also to all the pen pals and
women who have paid for gift subscriptions. We have received many letters of

appreciation from inmates.
Woman's Way is now offering
businesses and individuals the opportunity to have a 2" x l " listing in this publication for a $100 donation to the
Women In Prison Project, or 3 line Hsting
for $25. Call us if you're interested.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

south and a lot of them came from the
Washington DC area. They were a lot of
hookers. The main thing I always heard
from them was, "Yeh, I beat this white guy
and I robbed this white guy, and I did this
so I ended up defending my race." So
what! They was the same white guys
hurtin' me one way or another. And they
are the same white guys that hurt me today with job discrimination, with education discrimination and all those things.
So when I started realizing that, it became a common bond and I understood
where they was comin' from. The woman's
movement was a common thing.
Yeh, I made contact with them
but not so much as I should
have on the outside. They
wrote me while I was still
in. I didn't keep the contact like I should have
and the contacts that I
tried to keep with white
girls was hookers before
they came in and hookers when they went
out. They didn't care
about changin' their
lives even though they
said they would. They
dried out. When they
went out, they went
back to the drug scene.

fix

WW: Because of your
confinement in a small
cell, did you ever feel the need for personal counseling because it became unbearable day-after-day?
Susan: Yeh, but I didn't get it. This one

counselor was so goofy that I don't know
how she got the job. She didn't have any
of the experiences that I had. She didn't
have the gusto or inner strength to be
powerful and the most important thing in
prison is to have powerful women counselors that have inner strength, inner
strength that could tear down a brick
wall. You need someone to say, "hey, I
believe in these certain values and I will
help you to talk about your problems."
That's what you need in prison with the
counselors, not someone who thinks everything is a joke.
There's nothin' funny in prison and
nothin's a joke. Everything is very serious
and your life is on the line most of the time
because you don't know if that person in
that bed next to you is crazy or what
they're capable of doing. And if you were
like me, one of three white girls among 500
black girls, there was always danger.

WW: What was the most difficult situation you ever faced while in prison?
Susan: 1wo difficult situations at two

different prisons. At the one prison, I was
watchin' TV and this big black girl, about
four feet taller than me, wants to change
the channel. I say, "Whoa, wait a minute,
it's my TV night and I'm already watchin'
something!" Nobody changes it unless
there's a big majority vote to change it. Basically it was me and her in the room and
one other person who didn't care. I cared,
OK. The black girl changed the channel - I
changed it back. She went off on me
and I threw a pop can at her. She
comes at me, rips off my
shirt and tries to beat my
head in the ground. If
the cops hadn't come
to the rescue, I'd of

$54,000 a year. That
.
would be pretty comfortable. I
want to learn the trades, whether it's
painting, carpentry, landscaping, maintenance work, etc.
WW: What advice would you give
women who have been in trouble?
Susan: The first thing is that we should

all try to help each other to get an education, we'll never win without it. If a
woman wants to be a housewife, let her be
that. If she chooses to do something else,
an office worker, a construction workerlet her, help her. Rich people, poor people
have common goals. Bring those common
goals together to achieve the purpose that
all of us want.
WW: What kind of opportunities or help
is available to people such as yourself
who have come out of prison and are
looking for a job, starting life over once
again?

In some states, it's help with
education and job placement. So what we

Susan:

been tore up,
that's the bottom
line.
/
Another time
~
I felt my life was
threatened. There
f'
was this black girl weighed
about 40-50 pounds more than me.
She just didn't like little white girls or at
least this little white girl. She used to always pick on me and bash my head in.
Well, I'm still alive and I've still got my
brains. I'm lucky!
-:;: /,

V

WW: Did you ever lose your identity as
Susan, the person, and simply become a
number among the masses?
Susan: I was goin' to lose it after about

three and a half years, but I tried at all
times to keep my sanity. I wasn't goin' to
let them win, that's the reason why I escaped because I didn't let them win.
Maybe they won with their rules and
things. But I saved my sanity. They don't
care about you, you're just a number, not
an individual. They get their pay check
and that's all they want.
WW: Where is your life going now? Do
you have a goal in mind as to where you
really want to be?
Susan: Right now the first thing I want is

to have someone care about me and
someone for me to care about. I want a
caring relationship in a normal household.
Second thing I'd like is to make about

Continued on next page.

►

WOMEN IN PRISON
PROJECT
REQUEST FOR DONATIONS,
VOLUNTEERS, AND A NEW
COORDINATOR

Donations are being accepted for
the Women in Prison Project. The
funds collected go toward paying for
the production and printing costs of
the pages dedicated to the Women in
Prison submissions, operating cost of
the project - e.g. postage for correspondence, photocopying, long distance phone calls. Money is also
being collected to fund writing and art
workshops in the prisons.
A fund will be started to offer assistance to women getting out of
prison to help them get a new start.
Gifts of cash, specific goods, and services are needed.
Volunteers are also needed to
assist with correspondence to prisons
and inmates around the country to let
them know of the Women in Prison
Project. If you are interested in assisting with this, have suggestions for the
project, or want to volunteer in your
area, please writ~ or call Woman's
Way, PO Box 19614, Boulder, CO
80308, (303) 530-7617

Womans Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

7

coLUMN

I

cA"steroid goddesses
VESTA - THE ETERNAL FLAME

'--·_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ JYOTI WIND _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~

Continuing in our series on the Asteroid Goddesses, we now
come to Vesta, indicative of the Vestal Virgins who took men
through their sexual initiation in the temples of old. She represents sacred sexual/spiritual devotions and brings the
moon energy into daily life for the everyday person.
Historically, Vesta was Goddess of the Hearth and
Keeper of the Sacred Flame. Altars, at the center of
each household, were dedicated to Her. Public altars,
where the sacred fire was tended, symbolized the cohesion of family and state and were dedicated to Her.
She embodied the epitome of honesty and faith,
sealing oaths and social contracts. Those tending
the sacred flame were called vestal virgins, priestesses of Vesta. "The essence of Vesta's original tradition consisted of the sexual rites honoring the
fertilizing and generative powers of the Moon Goddess which provided for a divinely blessed
rulership" (Asteroid Goddesses, by Demetra George).
In an astrology chart, Vesta provides insights
into our sexuality and how we express it, how we
may sublimate it into a spiritual devotion and/or artistic creative expression. She also speaks to us of focus
and commitment. In Pisces, for example, Her energies
need to be consciously harnessed, focused, and committed. In Capricorn, the creative energy is organized yet can
become rigid if not balanced with self-nourishment. And in
Leo, She needs a large arena to create, and Her sexual drive becomes sublimated into Her creative endeavors. Here, only arrogance would be Her downfall.
Vesta is a direct link between our sexuality and our innate purity, our Scorpio and Virgo parts. She reminds us that by saying no
to giving away our personal power and attention, and saying yes to

tending that sacred fla me in our own hearts, we, as women, move
beyond patriarchal modeling and into a new arena of evolution as
human beings.
Jyoti's response to a letter in the last issue:
Jean:
I'd like to reply to your letter. My work with the
Dark Mother has taken me into my own darker
realms, my own shadowlands. In that place I met
Her and embraced Her. Her touch and recognition
of me opened a new awareness of Her deep love
for me-the vigil She kept until our meeting. With
this embrace, parts of me long held separate became one. It is with great love and gratitude that I
speak of the Dark Mother, who leads us to places
inside we've never claimed. She patiently awaits
our willingness to embrace Her, and gladly guides
us through our own inner labyrinth.
The Asteroid Goddesses, though taken from
four separate dieties in Greek mythology, are four of
the faces of the one Goddess who lives in each of us.
The Asteroid Goddesses represent four aspects of the
female psyche: nurturance, intelligence, sexuality and
relationship. I feel they bring to light very succinctly
important aspects of our own being, which have lain dormant or distorted for a long time. These Goddesses can help
us remember and reclaim our true nature.
Jyoti Wind
Blessings,

Jyoti Wind is currently preparing a workshop, "Owning the Dark; The
Descent to the Dark Mother," facilitating the embracing of the feminine
Shadow. She is available for astrological readings at (303) 541-9106.

Continued from previous page.

need to do as women or as people on the outside for the people on
the inside getting ready to get out, is together to find those resources that are available. In some states there might be housing
resources available because a lot of times you get out and you've
got a hundred bucks, mar, and you've got no place to live. What's
a hundred bucks goin' to buy?
I know a woman who couldn't get out of prison because she
didn't have anybody to put her up for awhile until the prison could
find a Salvation Army so she could get on her feet. That's how desperate it is in these situations. It's very serious and it's very real.
What are these people goin' to do when they get out? They're goin'
to do what they know how to do. If they're hookers, they're goin'
back to bein' hookers. If they're robbers, they're goin' back to
robbin'. That's what they do for survival. It's very important to help
these people.
WW: If you could make a wish for anything in the world, what

would it be?
Susan: Well, I'd like to be on some island with a society of

people, be it women and men or just women, a society of people
where there ain't a lot of restrictions and able to be in the sun, on
the beaches and the mountains, where the people are free to do

8

whatever they choose to do. Everybody can work and do whatever
kind of job they want. There's not a racist thing, there's not a sexist
thing, an island just beautiful and green and free.
WW: You mentioned losing freedoms when you were in prison.
What were the ones you lost?

Susan: When I was a kid I was used to running the streets and

the mountain sides and hillsides-just me and God and nature. To
be able to get out in the middle of the woods or open space with
nobody around and worship God, the individual God that people
believe in. In a prison cell, I couldn't be in direct communication
with 'em because part of my God is the earth, the trees, the flowers, the water, things that I can feel and touch. Those are real to
me. If I can't touch it, feel it, see it or smell it, it's not real.
Losing freedom was important to me because I couldn't touch
or smell the grass. I couldn't pick it up and put it in my mouth and
taste it - it wasn't there. When I wasn't in Deadlock, and I was
able to walk the 100 acres of land it was very important to me because I got to feel the grass-it was real, really there. The dirt was
really there. I could pick a flower and chew the end of a grass stem
and, yeh, you get a piece of dirt too. It was real!! ♦

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

The Piano Concerto
~ - - - - - - - - - - - - D . J . CONAGHAN------------~

Seated in the visiting room in front of
the beautiful Baldwin Baby Grand Piano,
I long to run my fingers upon its pearly
white keys. I wait on the edge of my seat
fidgeting, trying to position myself so I
will be able to see the piano and the keys
perfectly when the concert pianist starts
to play.
I have knots in my stomach from anticipation and sheer excitement, wanting
her to be ushered in right at that moment
so that my need could finally be filled.
As time creeps slowly by, my anticipation and excitement continue to mount.
I look at the expressions on the other
peoples' faces as they sit and wait also I wonder if they are excited as I am?
Finally three people are ushered in;
I thought to myself one of them must be
her. She seats herself on the bench making
sure everything is just right. After what
seemed to be hours of waiting, the first
note is struck - I realize that she is telling
the beautiful story of life, love, pain and
the passion for my dreams to be fulfilled.
While the pianist's fingers flow freely
over the keys, I am continuously being
tantalized. I'm reminded of the freedom
that I possess within my spirit, that I can
soar above all things that are in my path
as obstacles.
As she finishes one piece, to go onto
another- I hunger for the next song to begin. I realize during those few short moments I've been holding my breath, not
knowing what to expect, hoping that each
song that is played would not be the last.
I am constantly being swept along the
path toward oneness with the music, nature, and myself in a dream-like state, not
wanting ever to wake up.
As she plays each piece, I know that
everything she is feeling while playing, I
am feeling too. My eyes cannot leave the
pianist or her fingers, while she is playing
- I am captivated - I am held spell-bound.
My ultimate passion is to fulfill my
destiny. My destiny is to be a Musician,
just like this pianist, to express how I feel
through the music I play. I long to feel
every note that I play, to put meaning to
the notes on the pages. _
As she plays softly, and slowly, and
gently- love, happiness and inspiration
well up within my soul. Upon her finishing
the piece I realize I'm crying - not because
of sadness, but because of complete joy.

The next piece she plays is rather
different. It is being played loudly and
possessively - a constant reminder of the
way that pain, anger and fear hit my heart,
which is like a bolt of lightning hitting its
unsuspecting target.
Now as she plays Chopin it reminds
me of children frolicking in the sun on a
summer's day, with a light breeze blowing
through their hair. The piece is being
played with so much conviction, feeling
and life in it. It reminds me of my childhood, when as kids we would chase each
other in the yard for a friendly, fun game
of tag.
She plays the final selection by a Polish composer to its ultimate climax, bringing the performance to a sudden end.
I was so caught up in the oneness of
the performance when it all came to a
crashing end. I wanted this feeling of happiness, joy, love, and peace not to leave
me so I wouldn't have to come back to the
realities of prison life.
So I gave my appreciative applause,
and found myself asking her for an encore
to put off the end of the performance for a
few more minutes.
To a musician, feeling and playing
the music is like a seed taking root and
growing. I am an aspiring musician, longing and needing my seed to be fed and
nurtured so I can continue to grow.
When I came into prison I asked if I
could have my clarinet - my ultimate joy
with me as I do my time. But I was told it
was not allowed because it was CONTRABAND.

My clarinet is like my child; without it
beside me I am like a woman whose children have been ripped out of her arms.
My heart has been shattered into a million
pieces. I am breathing my last breath, and
my life is being drained from me.
The piano concert has continued to
inspire me to fulfill my destiny, my
dreams, regardless of the many obstacles
in my way.
Days after the concert, while sitting in
my cell, I am still savoring the passion and
the unforgettable flavor of the music that I
was feeling on the day of the concert.
D.J. Conaghan is an aspiring musician,
singer, artist and writer serving a
12 to 18 year sentence.

I(qtherine Power
~sponds...
DearWW.

Thank you for sending me the
issue of Woman's Way. I was excited to hear of your Women In
Prison Project, and hope to be gathering writings for you from women
here. The place is rich with stories,
with women's need to tell their stories
so someone will hear, pay attention,
perhaps understand. In the course of
a week I may speak with:
- a woman with the Virus, whose
T-ceU count is always Jess than
200, it has been as low as 0;
- a woman who picked up heroin
after six years dean, whose
lover of many years is dying
from AIDS;
• two women whose children were
adopted away from them just
that day;
- two women who gave birth in the
last two months as inmates,
who see their infants perhaps
once a week, more likely once
a month;
- one woman who is coming to
terms with the likelihood that
she will serve a sentence of
natural life, that is, that she
will never live as a free
woman aga4).
I help, as part of my being here,
these women to learn to write from
their bodies, from their pain, from
their vision place, to write with the
word T. They try it, they discover their
storytelling voice. I encourage them by
letting them know that there are outlets for publication, such as Woman's
Way. Thank you for being there, doing
your work.
Katherine Power
Katherine Power is serving time after
recently turning herself in for a
politically related crime committed
over 20 years ago. A poem by
Katherine was featured in the
Spring 1994 issue o(Woman's Way.

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

9

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in her book, Women Who Run With The .
Wolves, speaks of "The One Who Knows" that is deep within us. A
friend of mine says "my Knower knows." The idea is that each of us
deep within ourselves has "The One Who Knows" waiting to be heard.
I have found in my life that if I don't listen to that Knower She will do a
variety of things to make me take notice. I suspect it is true for all of us;
it is only a matter of whether or not we have heard this wise inner
voice. Some of the things that She does to make us listen are bouts of
depression or a sense of malaise, difficulties with relationships, illnesses, and accidents.
For me, She raised Her voice loud and clear in 1988 when I was
teaching Mathematics at Metro State College and CCD, career counseling, tutoring, doing graduate work in Mathematics, and helping to
raise two teenage boys. I became ill in a way I couldn't help but notice.
My thyroid went out and I could no longer think as clearly as I was
used to which is a symptom of hypothyroid.
Now just because my Knower raised Her voice in such a manner
doesn't mean I listened carefully. I did cut back on teaching at Metro
and took time out from the graduate program, but the next semester I
was at it again. Finally my body kept upping the ante, and I found myself suffering from a severe backache, chronic sinus infection, weight
gain, hives and a thyroid that resisted regulation with the standard
medications.
So in 1991 I heard Her, truly heard Her. Something was not right. I
dropped out of the Math program at Boulder and cut back some more
at work. I began telling everyone when they would ask what I planned
on doing, that I was nobody, going nowhere, doing nothing. It left most
people speechless. Thank goodness! I did not want to hear how I was
making a big mistake giving up a program I was acing and on and on. I
had enough trouble fighting that doubting voice within myself.
I spent the next few years descending, stripping myself bare of the
multitude of personas I had acquired in the 40 years or so that I had lived
on this planet. I slowed down to the point where I didn't have to get sick
to hear the voice of my Knower. I followed Her wisdom and experimented with a variety of tools. Many of them helped bring me closer to
my center. I began to realize that I was the only expert on my Self.

Continued from page 5.
applying red spots. Innumerable spots of every color imaginable animated my paintings, and me. By acknowledging my writing and painting through her appearance in my dream, my grandmother encouraged
my creativity and the fulfiUment it generates.
Gramma Rownd had smiled on me in a way that life apparently
had never smiled on her; she had smiled on me in a way she had
never been able to smile on her own daughter, my mother; she
smiled in a way my mother, therefore, had not been able to smile on
me. My grandmother had communicated to my mother, and my
mother in turn had communicated to me the validity of creative selfexpression as a sideline, but never as a sustaining activity.
Although Gramma Rownd's light seemed to have expired long
before she took flight from the wheelchair in which she had slumped
for several years, her spark had continued to glow internally. Inextinguishable, it shines now in a Wyoming night sky, while word by
word, spot by spot, I free the fireflies bottled up in me.
Thordis Simonsen is a writer, visual artist, and storyteller. Thordis is the
editor of You May Plow Here: The Narrative of Sara Brooks (WW.
Norton , 1986) and author of Dancing Girl: Themes and Improvisations in
a Greek Village Setting (The Fundamental Note, 1991).

10

Womans Way

It was a radical change after a life-time of looking outward for
truth. I had gone to classrooms, therapists, self-help books, friends,
looking for the meaning of my life. Now I began an inward search. The
deeper I went into the darkness of my being, digging up things
about myself, the lighter I felt. I am not saying there weren't times of
doubt and fear, for there certainly were, but I began to get a sense of
who I was and what I was about. The descent was a long one but I discovered much like in Dante's Divine Comedy, the way up was down.
This process included discovering lost memories of physical as
well as emotional abuse. As you can imagine I had a lot of work to do.
One of the amazing things I did discover on this journey to the center
of my Self was that I loved to write and had been doing it since I was a
very young child. I began writing poetry and short story after short
story, and am presently writing a book on this healing journey.
My intent in writing this column has to do with reminding each of
us as well as myself that we do know; it is simply a matter of listening
to our inner voice and trusting ourselves. I am so thankful for my life
and all that I have learned that I would like to share some of the path
that I followed in hopes that maybe some version of that path or the
tools that I used would be helpful to you. As Louise Bogan said in
Poet's Alphabet: "... in a time lacking in truth and certainty and filled
with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of its
lost heart."
Through discussion of meditation, mandalas, rituals, myths,
journaling, Shamanic journeying and more, I hope this column will
help you to find the way to the heart of your Self. For I do believe, as
Jung did, that we each have a core Self that needs to be discovered.
He spoke of this in Psychology and Alchemy: "We can hardly escape
the feeling that the unconscious process moves spiral-wise round
a center, gradually getting closer, while the characteristics of the centre
grow more and more distinct." The most valuable jewel that one can
gain possession of is this center. Claiming that center is part of the
work of being human.
Helena Mariposa has been teaching mathematics at an
inner city college for the past seven years. She is now finishing
a book on the journey to the center of the self.

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SUZANNE GHIGLIA
(303) 443-6733

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

PROSE

I

STUMBLING THROUGH

~-_ _ _ _ BY CARRIE YONN - - - ~

There are days when the most productive thing I do is to get out of bed in the
morning. The making of art and the writing
of poetry have been my passions since being a wee one. Somehow this compulsion
to communicate rules what paths I walk
down and the doors I open.
Being creative is an in and out process, one that swirls us around until dizzy.
We are up and down people whose uptime
is connected divinely. Downtime is questioning everything that moves. Why am I
tied like a tether ball to these cycles? I am
noticing a pattern to my madness. Experiencing rotations both large and small. By
dating the paintings as to month finished,
certain months are emerging as more productive. These periods of waiting to replenish my vessel are necessary but depressing.
My energy slugs along not covering much
ground. I'm in a holding pattern viewing
myself, taking my pulse, checking my
breathing. At some point bubbles start to
percolate and the energy turns up a degree
or two. It is false labor, the ideas are not
born yet! Hopefully ideas are growing
and being watered once more, and I am
not a drying, parched desert. Society says
writers' block, past your prime, trying for
a comeback, or maybe just all dried up! I
tell myself I must learn to love these
times of gestation! They are a part of the
process too.
When I talk to my friends and they
ask "What's new?" I respond with "I'm
breathing," or "I'm doing life!" Actually I
watch a lot of movies, read and notice every little detail whereever I go. I'm not as
easy to get along with, either, which is
probably a nice way of putting it! Oh, how
I revel in those up times. I am quick to forget the feelings of why bother or who cares
anyway. The universe loves me again and
my soul expresses itself. I walk with more
spring instead of sproing, energy is a rushing spring creek and I am a paper boat carried along. Life is good again and I am
once more a juicy August peach!
I am grateful!
AKA Ann Reichner. Nederland, CO

"I sh,111 struggle. 11erh;1ps 'til
de.1th. tL, reg,1i11 the Sl'llse L,f
wlwk11l'SS ,111d rightness. whkh
\\'.is ri1111ed from me ,ll birth
(,111d subsequent Iv)."
- Lesley Saunders,
Glancing Fires

ILLUSTRATION----------

POETRY-------------

INSIDE THE SHAMAN TREE

SHE WAS THERE
ALL THE TIME

~..,~

iJJi

~\~

.

•
.1•

For years I didn't see her
Within this heart of mine
For years I overlooked her
Yet she was there all the time!
I'd look at other women
And wish that they were me
I'd look at them in envy
For what I thought I couldn't be.
Life kept me so busy
Running to and fro
That the one I knew the least of all
Was the one I longed to know.
And then a great discovery
(at least it set ME free!)
To find that what I sought in "them"
Was really part of me.
A strong and able woman
Would show up in my dreams
At quiet times I'd see her
In the reflection of a stream.
And as I got to know her
As I looked within to see
I found a special woman
Living deep inside of me.
She had the strength I so desired
The kind that doesn't tire
This fervent woman in me
Could set my world afire!

/
Suzanne Ghiglia. See her ad on page 10.

I thought that she was in their lives
And couldn't be in mine
Ah, the Joy of sweet discovery
That She Was There All The Time!
Ralene Friend © 1992, Creating Futures:
retreats and workshops for and by women.
Escondito, CA. 619-746-5680

POETRY

DARK NIGHT LONGING

Lately I have found myself, deep in the night,
Floating, Chagall-like above the bed and out the window
Slipping through bare branches, over the city I soar and dip
arms spread, eagle-like.
I travel through hour after insubstantial hour, alone and longing.
Like wisps of fog - longing.
Like smooth, thick cream - longing.
Like-saxophone wails - longing.
Like white gardenia petals - longing.
Like wood smoke in winter - longing.
Longing - womb deep finger tingling
mouth watering
Dark night longing
Victress Hitchcock

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

11

THE WAY OF THE
JOURNAL:

An Interview with
Kathleen Adams
by Lynn Bijili Marlow
Kathleen Adams MA, LPC is a clinical journal
therapist who teaches, writes and consults on the use
of reflective writing as a tool for personal growth,
spiritual development and emotional healing. Her
first book, Journal to the Self (I 990, Warner Books) is
considered a classic in the field. She is also the
author of a journal therapy workbook, The Way of the
Journal (I 993, Sidran Press) and the first journal
book for men, Mightier Than the Sword (I 994,
Warner Books). She is the founder and director of
The Center for Journal Therapy in Denver, Colorado.

WW

Why keep a diary or a journal?

K&,4'

Journal writing is one of the most reliable and
effective ways we have to stay in touch with
whatever's going on in the present moment. The journal creates a bridge between the past and the future. It
helps clarify angst, objectify drama, and heal trauma.
And it helps us know and remember who we are, so
we can celebrate the everyday joys and successes as
well as the major achievements.
WW Has there been any research on the benefits
of journaling?

Journal
writing is
one of the
most
reliable and
effe_c tive
ways we
have of
staying in
touch with
whatever is
going on at
the Ji110ment

K&,1' There are tons of individual testimonials to
the healing power of writing, but not much hard data.
Thank heavens for Dr. James Pennebaker, a research
psychologist at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. He's done some landmark work correlating writing
with the physiological benefits that come from catharsis. He had research subjects write for 15 minutes at a
time over four consecutive days about emotionally
difficult material, and their immune system functioning boosted up and stayed up for as long as six weeks.
That's a pretty powerful wallop for an hour's worth of
writing.
The way he explains_ it, it's hard physiological work
to "inhibit" - to keep things bottled up inside. The release that
comes from writing frees up physiological resources that can then be
used to fight infection and disease. Pennebaker has replicated this

12

WomaniWay

study with various other populations, including people
who had been fired or laid off ·from their jobs. He found
that those who wrote about their feelings -fear, frustration, anger, depression - were re-employed at a faster
rate than those who kept their feelings inside. And they
approached job interviews with more confidence.
WW It's like it helps a person digest the experience, whatever that experience is. What do you say to
someone who is just getting started?

K&,4'

I say, 'welcome!' And I suggest spending
some time developing a relationship with the journal.
Making friends with your journal is just like creating
any other relationship; it takes time to get acquainted
and build trust. Both literally and metaphorically, the
journal is an extension of the self.
WW How does a person build a relationship with
a journal?

K&,1' One of the first things is to find a journal that
you feel comfortable with. Computer, spiral notebook,
blank book, wide, narrow, or no lines; ball-point, felttip, fountain pen - it's up to you. These seemingly innocuous decisions can go a long way toward building a
journal relationship. Then you can start experimenting
with different ways to write.
My whole teaching methodology is based on the idea that there
may be months between entries. Then, might be weeks or months
when you write a lot. But I also don't think it should be left com-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

pletely to whim or chance. Sometimes it's helpful to have the strucwriting safe for people healing from deep wounds. I found that
ture and accountability of knowing you've got a plan. So pick a
structure, balance and permission were the keys.
game plan you can live with. Can you realistically find three pockets
I guess my rule of thumb is that I see the journal as a healing
of time every week? Pencil them into your appointment book. Maktool, and if it's feeling like a burden or a nightmare, then I work with
ing a date with your journal is a powerful statement about your willpeople to back it off so that it feels manageable and purposeful and
ingness to devote attention to your own life process. Usually after
safe. Not everybody responds the same way, and that's as it should
about six or eight or ten weeks of doing it regularly, the journal habit
be. A lot of barriers can be overcome with some basic teaching about
is established, and you can rely on your internal rhythms and pulses
how to maintain a journal environment that is inviting and safe and
to tell you when it's time to write.
protected.
Then, of course, there are times when daily writing
WW In your own journal do you experience times
is a useful discipline that offers important feedback and
Winter
is
when
it feels like it's not going anywhere?
continuity, like if you're in a program of spiritual or creative development, or you're working a 12-step pronot a
V
Oh, sure. Sometimes I bore myself silly.
gram, or you're adjusting to something new. When
Sometimes
I just wander around in circles and never
mistake.
there's a reason to write daily that makes sense to you,
come to resolution. Sometimes this is because there's
then that's a whole different story.
something I don't want to look at, so I just ask myself
the journal question, "What am I avoiding?" SomeWW Do you think journaling is good for everyone?
times it's because I'm in a gestation period, when I'm not yet wordV
Well, it's not a cure-all or panacea, and I've certainly seen
ripe. I had a meditation teacher who used to say "winter is not a
plenty of people who used their journals as an avoidance, or a way
mistake, " and sometimes emptiness needs to be honored and reto beat themselves up, or to justify choices that weren't especially
spected. Sometimes I'm not supposed to be writing - I'm suphealthy. There are some people that find journal writing frustrating
posed to be doing my dishes, riding my bike, talking to a friend, or
or demoralizing or generally more challenging than helpful. These
taking action instead of endlessly processing.
include people who don't speak or write fluently, who have learning
But if it seems to me like writing would be helpful, then I look
disabilities, who have physical disabilities like cerebral palsy or
for a fresh approach. I ask myself, what result do I want, and what
arthritis, schizophrenics and others with chronic thought disorders.
will help me get there? Sometimes it's a tool from my own toolbox
There are ways to help each of these groups express themselves
of techniques, like Dialogue or List of 100 or Captured Moments.
through the written or spoken word, but journal writing as we tradiSometimes it's borrowing a tool from someone else's toolbox. There
tionally think of it isn't necessarily the best route. Also, some
are lots of resources out there.
people are more oriented toward expression through art, music or
WW What do you have to say about the question of
movement than writing.
privacy?
WW What do you say to people who say, "I lack the disciV
I think privacy is non-negotiable.
pline to journal"?
Any journal writer has the absolute
V
I don't think it has much to do with
right to declare her or his writing
discipline. When there's a payoff or a benefit
off limits to anyone else and to
that makes sense to you, then the discipline
take whatever steps are necestakes care of itself. The key is to have joursary to insure privacy. And I
nal experiences that make you want to
also know that sharing can be
come back again and again because you
a very important part of the
like the outcome and it feels good.
process, as long as you're
sharing with others who
WW What makes people resist
will listen without judgjournaling even though they know it's good
ment and sometimes even
for them and even feels good?
without comment. There's
V
It feels to me like time is speeding
something about taking the
up. We all have to make choices about how
most raw, tender, vulnerable
we're going to spend our leisure and wellness
parts of your thoughts, dreams,
time. Sometimes journal writing just falls through
hopes and fears and hearing them
the cracks.
in your own voice in the company of
Sometimes people resist because they figure
compassionate others that is inherthey'll probably find out stuff about themselves
ently healing. There's a lot of magic
that they might not really want to know. The
and power in it. But the right to priPhotos: Carl Wets
beauty and curse of journal writing is that it litervacy always takes precedence over
ally lets you read your own mind. It can be scary to find out what's
the invitation to share.
lurking in the darkness of your own shadows.
WW What about people who think they can't write?
I spent two years setting up a journal therapy program for
women who had been horribly abused as children, and sometimes
V
I like to work with people who think they can't write, beas adults too. Everyone was dealing with excruciatingly painful
cause of course they can. Most of us carry around some
memories. These women were often afraid to write about their lives
woundedness about our writing. Sometimes it comes from having a
because the story wasn't supposed to be told, or because it was
journal or diary read without permission, which can feel as intrusive
simply too painful. That led me to investigate how to make journal
Continued on next page. ►

Woman's Way ____________________________ n:E PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

13

INTERVIEW, from previous page
and violating as being physically attacked. Sometimes it comes from
that stage in seventh or eighth grade when we're learning the mechanics of language, grammar, and internalizing the message that if
we don't put commas in the right places or spell words correctly then
somehow we're defective as writers and human beings. These experiences affect us deeply and for a long time.

WW

What can be done about this?

J<:&;f Permission, permission, permission! You
heal writing wounds by giving yourself permission to
write. This lets you update the old tapes that say "I
can't do this" or "this isn't safe." You can reframe
your old hurts and reclaim writing as a God-given
right. Then the wisdom of the psyche and soul just
pops right out. It's right there under the surface, waiting for permission to come through. People who have
the experience of writing with permission for the first
time have breakthroughs like, "My God! I've been
hanging on to these self-judgments all this time and
it just really wasn't necessary."

WW

WW

You talk in your first book, Journal to the Self, about "the art
of knowing" - how the journal helps establish a healthy relationship with self-esteem.

J<:&!f

At the time I was working with those concepts I was seeing
the role of the journal as an adjunct to personal growth and as a
gentle way of beginning to connect with all the different layers of the life process. It's interesting to go
back and visit my roots in this work because in the
past decade it feels like I've learned a lot about
deeper and more sophisticated clinical applications
of journal therapy. But there's something about beginner mind that I always yearn to come back to. The
simplicity and elegance of the journal allows us to
know ourselves better, love ourselves more and feel
more peaceful on the planet. People who know who
they are and who love and accept themselves have
no incentive to create or participate in unhealthy
behaviors or relationships. People who are peaceful
have no incentive to make war. The journal helps us
live peacefully within ourselves. ♦

Sometimes
emptiness
needs to be
honored
and
respected.

Do you see the journal as non-judgmental?

J<:&;f Ideally, yes. It's a silent witness that simply accepts and
receives. In a way it's a perfect mirror, I suppose, so if there's judgment it must be coming from us.

"With every act of speaking or writing, we push the
frontiers further, with every honest confronting of
experience we cross a boundary, tear back a veil,
discover new power."
- Lesley Saunders, Glancing Fires

JOURNAL _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

FACES AND BUTTERFLIES

I am on a journey. Ahead of me is a mountain. All around me is
nature's beauty: blue water, greening trees. I find a log castle in
beautiful, bright, multi-colored light and completely immersed in
green foliage.
And once in the castle, I walk down the cool, quiet hall to my
room, decorated completely in white. I soak in the tub, surrounded
by luscious green plants and wonderful, fresh, spicy smells. Leaving
my room, I feel rested and rejuvenated.
Then, I am offered a gift. I accept a small box covered in beautiful white embossed iridescent paper with a matching bow. This gift is
as light as a feather. And, I discover a scroll stamped with gold wax,
a "J"- my initial -written in graceful calligraphy.
I am guided outside to the bright light around the castle. And I
see a wall; no, it's a dome of tangled, dead vines. I wait patiently...
wait ... just be ... wait.
The vines unravel, untangle. And there are faces: women's
faces, beautiful faces. Each is different, all colors, all ages. But these
faces show agony, fear, worry, tears. I wait and watch, then, slowly
and carefully offer my gift. And soon each FACE becomes a BUTTERFLY - each one is different in shape, color, size. Each one is so
beautiful and bright that soon a bright, golden light surrounds us all!
I quietly leave. The guard whispers, "Touch!" and gives me a
butterfly kiss, lightly on my cheek. I leave with my gift and scroll in
hand, caressing my kissed cheek, feeling calm and serene within.
The gift within the beautiful white embossed and iridescent box with
matching bow is revealed-MY SELF-ME!
As I open my eyes, out my window, the wind has just started to
blow, a wren is singing a storm! And my wind chimes sound!
Joanne Zier, April 1993, written using a technique called
"Guided Imagery" for the first time, and at the time deciding to
become a teacher of journal writing.

14

Woman's Way

ALife Change is as Close
as your Fingertips
• Journal therapy groups
• Workshops
• Individual brief therapy
• Home-study instructor certification
• Hospital/agency consulting
• Clinical trainings
• Faculty appointments
• Residential retreats

The
Center
for
Journal
Therapy

Kathleen Adams, MA, LPC,
Founder/Director
Author, Journal to the Self
The Way of the Journal
Mightier Than the Sword

The Center for Journal Therapy
Dept W-1 • PO Box 963
Arvada CO 80001
303-421-2298
fax 303-421-1255

Call, write or fax for current schedule and complimentary newsletter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

M_a_t_io_n_a_1_c_o_a_l_it_i_o_n1§.~7::_D_o_m_e_s_t_u_Vi_w_l_e_n_c_e____~

·~1SS-U-ES_ _ _ _

Domestic violence is a problem that affects women of all ages,
races, classes and lifestyles. Research has found that half of all
women will experience some form of violence from their partners
and that more than one third of all women are battered each year.
Recent findings by the Surgeon General reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15
to 44, more common than accidents and mugging combined. For as
many as four million women, this battering is so severe, they require
medical or police attention. And for 4,000 women each year, this
abuse ends in death.
The effects that violence in the family has on children are
equally as devastating. Each year, over 3.3 million children in the
United States, between the ages of three and seven are at risk of exposure to parental violence. In 1992 over 1,200 children died as a
result of physical neglect or abuse. Yllo and Bogard, in their research, estimate that 70% of all men who abuse their partners also
abuse their children.
Domestic violence or battering is a pattern of coercive control
that one person exercises over another. Battering is behavior that
causes physical harm, arouses fear, prevents the other person from
doing as they wish, or forces the other person to behave in ways
they do not wish to. Patterns of abuse and battering can develop
gradually over time and can include verbal, emotional, psychological, physical and economic abuse. It can also include violence towards pets and damage to property. Abuse can be very obvious, but
is often very subtle. The following is a list of warning signs to assess
whether you are a victim of abuse.

He beat her 150 times.
She only got flowers
once.

Does your boyfriend, husband or partner do the following?
• Tracks where you go and what you do.
• Frequently accuses you of being unfaithful.
• Discourages your relationships with family and friends.
• Prevents you from working or going to school.
• Criticizes you often for little things.
• Gets angry and loses control easily when drinking or
using drugs.
• Controls all finances and asks you to account for every
cent you spend.
• Humiliates and criticizes you in front of others.
• Is cruel or hurtful to household pets.
• Destroys personal property or sentimental items.
• Hits, punches, slaps, kicks or bites you or your children.
• Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
• Forces you to have sex against your will.
If any of these things are happening in your relationship, now
is the time to look at your options and seek assistance. There are
over 2,500 programs throughout the country providing services to
battered women and their children. NCADV can assist you in getting information about domestic violence and accessing resources
in your community that provide safety and support. NCADV serves
as a nationwide communication link representing an active, diverse
and powerful network of more than 1,300 coalitions, programs and
individuals throughout the country.
NCADV's central office is in Denver, CO (303) 839-1852.
Membership Services and the Public Policy Program are in Washington, DC (202) 638-6388. A Conference Office is in St. Paul, MN
(612) 646-3512. Other NCADV services include:
• National Directory of Domestic Violence Programs
• Domestic Violence Awareness Month Activities
• Information Packet, Information and Referral Services
• Publications, The Voice, NCADV's journal and the
NCADV Update

Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten in this country.
For as many as four million women, this battering is so severe, they require
medical or police attention_
But for nearly 4,000 women each year, the abuse ends. They die.
Help us end domestic violence. Your donation can make a difference.

CALL 1 900-STOP ABUSE
(1 900-786-7228)
$10.00 PER CALL
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
P.O. Box 18749, Denver, CO 80218-0749, (303) 839-l852

Through the support of individuals, corporations and foundations NCADV continues important work in the areas of information
and referral, networking, public education and awareness, advocacy, public policy, and training.
Recently, NCADV started a 1-900-STOP ABUSE donation line,
a new use of 1-900 technology to raise money for important social
concerns. Callers receive statistics about domestic violence, an
overview of NCADV services and a contact number for further information. Ten dollars is charged to their phone bill, the proceeds supporting the services of NCADV. This line enables NCADV to reach
people in their homes with important information about domestic
violence, while providing an easy mechanism for those who want to
make a difference by making a minimal donation.
It is the responsibility of each person to take steps to end violence in their home and community. You can do your part by seeking help if violence is a problem in your life. You are not alone and
there are numerous avenues for seeking help. Call NCADV for a resource in your community.
If not personally experiencing violence, you can have an impact on the problem by getting involved in assisting others, speaking out on the problem, or supporting services and programs to end
violence in the family. There are numerous opportunities to volunteer and get involved at both the local and national level. Call
NCADV today to find out how you can help stop the violence. ♦

Woman's Way _____________________________ TH~ ?ATH oF EMPOWERMENT

15

HEALTH

POETRY

WHAT CAN WE DO TO ENHANCE OUR HEALTH

THE CAMPFIRE

over us, tree trunks are split by shadow and white firelight
half-drained into an ocean of night time.
The spiral music, the circle of faces around the fire,
the moonsliver between black leaves, these exist
All that remains of the forest, the world,
is my belief
the drumbeats are woodsmoke invocations
We have drawn this circle unconsciously
and tonight we've eaten the shadows.
I have night vision. I hear the waves-dragons swim that ocean
whispering that they have always been there
they would reveal more--multitudes-I know their watery stare
I try to remember how to listen
but this is only saltspray and smoke. This circle is riddled
with the forgotten.
Cynthy Kaufman, Boulder, CO

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16

What are some basic things which we need to cultivate in order
to maintain a high level of energy, health and enthusiasm in our
lives? As women, we often find ourselves in the caretaker role. It is
essential that we take very good care of ourselves. Five basic principles come to mind: nutrition, creativity, simplicity, self reliance and
balance.
A woman's intuitive knowing/wisdom is of the earth and has a
quality of sanity that has nothing to do with the relentless ambition or
doingness reflected in our modem culture. Rather it has a quality of
timelessness and nurturing. We need to trust and honor our intuitions, even as our culture chooses to ignore this way of knowing. Intuition is needed more than ever in an increasingly out of kilter world.
We should allow ourselves to fully and creatively express our
many unique talents in the world. The more that we can joyfully express ourselves, the healthier and more abundant our energy flow.
Creative expression feels like play. Our work in the world can feel like
play when we love what we are doing.
Keeping it simple has greatly helped me in my life. I try to practice doing just one thing at a time, keeping my schedule and my goals
focused on what is most important in my life, what brings me the
most happiness. I practice applying this concept to how I spend my
time, energy and money. If practiced, this one concept can dramatically reduce the stress in our lives.
Self reliance has traditionally been very important. Ironically, it is
more important nowadays in a world where we are surrounded by experts and increasing specialization in a very high tech medical world.
How are we to make sense of the unending information and opinions
coming at us in this "information age"? We can go to a health practitioner for help, but we are our own best expert. Being self reliant means
practicing preventative medicine - eating a simple diet low on the food
chain, exercising regularly and listening to our bodies.
Finding balance in today's world is a big challenge. Creating special time for ourselves, the time and space to reflect upon our lives, is
difficult with the many commitments in our busy lives.
Global concerns are daily front page news, and we are challenged to transform some of the basic ways in which we live. We are
beginning to experience the pressure of a rapidly increasing global
population on the carrying capacity of the environment. Nevertheless, our quality of life can be very high when we can feel attuned to
the earth. and to others, and can feel grateful for all that we have in
our lives.
When I experience intense emotional conflict and high stress for
an extended period, I usually get sick or experience physical pain.
Most recently I experienced this level of stress when my father died. I
spent almost two weeks in Houston taking care of both my parents
and being with my father as he died. When I returned home, I was
exhausted, had chest pain and palpitations, experienced night sweats
and very erratic sleep. In addition, my body had gone back into an
old familiar pattern of severe muscle pain especially in my back and
legs. My body felt very out of balance.
What brought me the most peace was meditating every morning.
After two weeks, I was back to normal. One night the full moon shone
very brightly into the bedroom window and I felt profound joy, peace,
and awe. My dad's death taught me so much.
In upcoming issues I will cover diverse topics on women's health care
including menopause, the prevention and treatment of breast disease
(including breast cancer), PMS and other menstrual disorders.
Molly Greacen, Dip/. Ac., Registered Acupuncturist, practices in Boulder
and specializes in women's health care. She offers acupuncture, Chinese
herbal medicine and dietary counselling. She has been practicing since
1982. She can be reached at (303) 546-0987.

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

ARTICLE

THE CANDIDATE: REFLECTIONS ON CAMPAIGNING

As I began this, I thought I was just going to share with you
my recent experience running for elected office but, some other
thoughts come to mind as well. I have before me an editorial cartoon that sorta captured the moment. It depicts Ed Rollins as a dog
rolling on his backside and Governor Elect Whitman scratching
and fleas flying all around. The caption says "(S)he that lies with
the dogs, rises with fleas ."
Harsh but a semblance of truth. As I think more about it, and
my own recent and limited experience in politics, it occurs to me
that we must really be about a new way of being political. It was
interesting to observe the political rhetoric of male candidates and
female candidates during my campaigning activities. Rather consistently when speaking off the cuff, women referenced the building of community while the male candidates spoke of balancing
the budget and making things work better. I reference this not to
imply one is better or more valid than the other but to suggest the
need to be attentive to both perspectives which are critically important to a whole and healthy community.
There were several times when I had an 'opportunity' to decide to do or not to do something which might garner a few more
votes but would require some mean-spirited statements, in my
opinion. I chose not to associate with such statements and feel
now in retrospect, this was the right thing to do. I attribute no lost
votes to this decision .
Another 'opportunity' was to face up to a sense of 'self-importance' that sorta creeps in when you're not looking. It was very
gratifying to be in the company of female candidates for whom
winning was not all-consuming. It was also a very grounding expe-

rience in the company of women where we could at least broach
the subject and laugh at our folly!
More than anything, the experience took the edge of fear
away. That fear of entering some sacred territory where permission
to be there is tentative. Once you break this myth (often of our own
creation) it can never have the same grip.
Emily Friedman in an article she wrote for Health Care Forum
Journal states it much more cogently. She says "...fears block
progress, collaboration and justice."
I was not elected by 52 votes. I was encouraged however, by
the hundreds who did vote for me and let me know their agreement
with my platform and their hope that I would be a candidate again
in two years. Running for office was a statement I needed to make
for myself which says I have a stake in what happens in my community and I can make a difference.
The clearest and strongest message however, was a restatement of something I have always known which is, change comes
from the inside out. In these troubled times we must be willing to
listen and to act from our highest self giving up the luxury of being
victims or victimized. We can affect positive and meaningful
change in our communities, whatever constitutes community for
us, through personal clarity and introspection. Campaigning for
public office is a piece of cake. Calming inner fears and speaking
from the heart in settings that do not yet fully value dissimilar
people or perspectives, that was the real challenge. Overall, a
very satisfying and growthful experience. I highly recommend it.
Mary Madison, Westminster, CO
Written after a city council election run in
November 1993.

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or Ann Marie Shannon (515) 382-3178

Today I planted carrots and peas in the rain. The mud oozed
through my bare toes, warming them. There is a kind of miracle involved in dropping a little, brown, shriveled-up seed in the earth and
watching it sprout, grow and then flourish. Sometimes my trees and
plants are shelter for a mother bird and her brood, other times they
are food for butterflies. Gardening has some similarities to life in
general. Through the risks of gardening, I have learned to open up to
my own creative process. Sometimes I am not sure if the weather is
right for planting, so I call upon my inner knowledge. These are the
hazards of gardening:
Crop failure , hail storms, wind damage, drought, seed rot, poor
germination, snails, slugs, horned worms, weeds, overcrowding,
aphids and many others.
It is not much different than life. In order to live in the world, I
subject myself to challenges and risks every day. Sometimes I feel
like a shriveled-up brown seed, devoid of creative energy. Other
days I bloom and grow. As I try growing something, I observe how
the plant needs love, fertilizer, nurturing, water, and sun to thrive. As
I dig in the earth, I think of my grandparents who depended on the
soil for their own lives. I try something new every day. I remember
that I need many things to grow: risking, nurturing, loving and crying. Every spring, the renewal begins and blooms into summer.
Linda Slater is a licensed counselor in private practice
in Westminster, CO. She also facilitates groups for women
facing the challenge of middle-age. 303-429-5020

Woman} Way _____________________________ n:E PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

17

COLUMN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

RELATIONSHIPS

Thriving
MARILYN HOUGH, M.A. AND CHUCK SCHMITT, M .A . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

Chuck and Marilyn: This is the second in a series of articles on exploring the full potential of your relationship. In this article we will
examine thriving relationships, what they are and how you can have
one. Our definition of thriving is to participate fully in life, both as a
person and as a couple. We're excited about this concept because it
has changed our reality about what a partnership can be, namely a
place where one can thrive as an individual within the relationship
AND as a couple. Our personal lives and our relationship have flourished as a result of this new way of being. What we continue to find as
we look at successful relationships is the idea of responsibility, taking
responsibility for one's life and everything that happens in it.
Most couples tend to relate in one of two ways: they either try to
protect their respective positions or learn from them. Protecting is usually done to safeguard ourselves against pain or fear. We protect our
position by defending our viewpoint without allowing room for
another's ideas. This could include a situation as simple as the correct
way to load a dishwasher or as complex as buying the right home.
When we choose to relate by defending or protecting, we avoid personal responsibility and become victims. We feel we have no say in
the situation and simply react. The result of this form of relating is usually a power struggle, boredom, lack of fun, distance, or fighting.
Leaming, on the other hand, has many components. It includes
taking responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and actions; recognizing that others do not always share our viewpoint; and finding out why
we react as we do in a given situation. Dr.'s Paul and Margaret Jordan
in their book, Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You, ask two
essential questions: ''Why is it so important for me to get my way or be
right? What fears, expectations, or beliefs lie behind my feeling threatened or irritated?"
Chuck: It is important for me to be right and get my own way because
my definition of giving in is losing. I feel good when I win and bad
when I lose. If I have to give in all the time then I am in a losing relationship and I have lost my power. As a man, power means everything
to me. For example, I have been in relationships where I would always
give my power away because I was afraid of dealing with my partner's
anger. I would meekly accept whatever my partner said in anger because I didn't want to make waves. As trite as it seems, I had to get in

Ann Relchner
Nederland, CO

18

Woman's Way

touch with my own feelings of anger before I could feel safe being with
another's anger.
I can trace this back to the age of nine when my father started
traveling. I was given the responsibility of being the head of the house
with seven younger siblings. I was always taking care of my brothers,
sisters, and mom's needs while mine were being ignored. In this way, I
learned to accommodate others and swallow what I wanted. This affected all my relationships as I had learned to give in to what my partner wanted without voicing my needs. I felt powerless. As a result of
choosing to notice recurring patterns in my life, I learned that I have
problems with other's anger. Recognizing this, I can choose to respond
differently. If I own what I am feeling I can be there while my partner
rages, knowing that it's something she needs. This no longer triggers
my feelings of not being heard nor does it give me the feeling that I am
losing. By using this method, I have regained my power and I can still
meet my partner's needs. We have both won.
Marilyn: I find that I get most irritated with people when they don't
live up to my expectations. My expectations about people are that
they are trustworthy, they have an innate sense of integrity and fairness, and they are true to their word. When this is not the case, I become irritated and disappointed. I grew up in a family that did not
share my beliefs. My mother, having grown up in an environment
where she was continually disappointed, held the strong belief that
given the opportunity, people will disappoint you every time. I constantly fought this belief and tried to prove her wrong. Apparently I
hadn't fully resolved my conflict with these opposing beliefs, as they
were manifested further by my ex-husband. He made a habit of making promises that he did not keep. I was so busy reacting and being
disappointed, I didn't see that I had choices. I played the victim. All
my energy was used up feeling sorry for myself.
Between my mom's beliefs and my experience with my former
husband, I've had a difficult time balancing what I want to believe
with how I've lived up until now. Presently, my original beliefs are getting stronger. Now, when I choose to relate by learning (instead of reacting), I can see that I have choices in every situation that arises.
When I find myself becoming disappointed with my partner, I can ask
myself: Is this feeling from the present situation or from the past?
What is my part in this misunderstanding? What do I want? In this
way I respect both myself and my partner. We both learn about ourselves and one another. We begin to heal old wounds and feel more
whole and empowered.
Chuck and Marilyn: As we've seen, learning always includes the
other person and accepting the situation in which we find ourselves.
Acceptance is the key to taking responsibility for your life. It's all a
matter of personal choice. The results of choosing to relate by learning
are greater self-esteem, more self-confidence, heightened personal
freedom, and greater intimacy in our relationships. This happens because we stop trying to control and blame others. We take full responsibility for what occurs in our lives and attempt to make conscious
choices about how we want to fulfill our desires.
When you begin to use your relationship to learn about yourself,
you can experience more happiness and the feeling that you are actually creating your life. Your relationship grows because your partner is
getting to know you at much deeper levels. This is the true meaning of
a thriving relationship and the place where real intimacy begins.
Marilyn Hough, M.A. and Chuck Schmitt, M.A. are psychotherapists with
combined experience of 29 years in the human potential movement. They see
both individuals and couples, their main focus being relationships. They can
be contacted at (303) 441-5993. Please call for information on their
upcoming seminar, How to Grow A Relationship.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

THE LAVENDER COLUMN :

A LESBIAN P E R S P E C T I V E - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ,

~I__________________c/l
_~

My lover lay next to me, her warmth blending into mine. I can
hear the tiny whisper of her breathing and know she is fast asleep. My
thoughts begin to flow like the curve of her body, one into another,
smoothly forming into the next. I let myself drift on the tide of semislumber. I recall when my life had taken such a drastic tum.
I was married when I met Jennifer, a co-worker whom I'd admired
considerably. I asked her out for coffee
one day, thinking she would tum me
down flat. I was as startled by her
acceptance as she was by my offer.
She was always very reserved at work and was seldom outwardly social.
Through the next several months, Jennifer and I
found a common bond. We shared our stories of sorrow
and heartache. We laughed and we danced. By the time
Jenney came out to me I was already very much in love
with her. I teased her unmercifully, watching her beautiful eyes tum from gray to green to blue.
I knew in my soul that this was who I was to spend
my life with. My marriage had allowed me to see that
society's standard of the American Dream did not always
include a man, a woman, two kids and a dog. Even
though it was painful and confusing for my husband, he
gave me the divorce I requested.
Jennifer and I have been life partners since. The transition has not been difficult per se, though I have felt a little
lost sometimes. My hardest lessons seem to be those I inflict
upon myself. In some ways, I do not feel gay or lesbian, yet I am no
longer "straight. " I feel caught in the middle somewhere -a place, I
think, where a lot of us end up.

Nan ·.. ·. . Ann Da. · . :M.A.

:•:•:•:•·

: f!fi
i__e
_________________~
I have gone through a stage where I have been so angry I wanted
to scream. I was angry at the straight people for their assumptions and
phobias that they put on my life-style. I was angry at the gay people for
hiding and making it so difficult to foster any type of link with them. I
was mad at Jennifer for already having been through this and knowing
the answers. Most of all, I was mad
at myself. Mad because of the confusion and doubt that I had begun to feel.
The anger is fading now as I realize
that while I am different, so is everyone else. I
was so caught up in stereotyping myself, that I was
failing to look beyond the exterior and into the
lives of the friends and co-workers surrounding
me.
In all actuality, the friendships I have made
are very positive, from the married woman with two
kids to the religious, right-wing man to the woman who
has also shared a same-sex relationship. Instead of judging
me on whom I sleep with, they consider the whole person.
As I, it seemed, was failing to do for them.
I have learned in these last two years that titles are only
that. Whether I am a lesbian or bisexual or "Jenney-sexual" does
not matter so much anymore. I am happy in my relationship with
my self and with my lover and I don't feel I need to be anything
except the best person that I can be. Even then, I am allowed to
slip sometimes.
Jennifer and I are making very positive changes for the future, including the process of attempting to have a child. We both
know that this is very controversial in both the straight and gay communities, but the wonder of bringing a child into the world far surpasses the problems that may arise from co-parenting issues. It is
something that we both have dreamed of, and while the path is long
and tedious, the reward is what we keep reminding ourselves of.
I snuggle a little closer, fitting myself into the lines of my lover's
body. It is here that I have found a sense of peace and contentment
that has never been known to me before. This is my partner in all
phases of my journey. She is wife, lover, friend, and hopefully soon,
mother of my child. My breathing matches hers and as with all other
things in our lives, we are joined together as one.
Elaine Brown and her lover recently moved to Colorado from Anchorage, AK.
She will be attending college here hoping to become a nurse/midwife.
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POETRY _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

INTENTIONS
It was not my intention
to tell her how much
like a rose she appears .
Pink petals falling
no actually flowing around her
and after rain, heavy with wetness,
she springs back tall opening her tiny perfections to the sun
like offerings.
It was not my intention
but the words filled the pause between us
like laughter. Rising from that same place
within and waiting.
Mary Lou Sanelli, Port Townsend, WA

Woman's Way __________________________ ___ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

19

POETRY _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

A MATTER OF CHOICE
Conception occurs
The cells began to multiply.
A potential life starts to form.
"I can not have a child."
"I will not have a child."
''What can you do for me?"
The plea is heard over and over
The days, weeks, run together
The phone keeps ringing;
The women keep coming.
After the arrangements are made-After the decision is settled-After the informed woman leaves-What can I do for me?
I need to return the spirits
Of tiny potentiality to the Goddess.
I must bum a candle
Say a prayer
Give a blessing
Say goodbye.
The ceremony must be performed.
Unwanted children must not be born.
Neither will they depart ungrieved
Nor ever thought of again.
The small spirit returns
to the Goddess.
A better time awaits
A time for rebirth.

REVIEWS

REVIEWS

THE ELEMENTS
HEALING IMAGERY AND MUSIC; DANA
HARDEN

"The Elements" is a marvelous tape
that includes breathing practices taught by
Hazrat lnayat Khan, founder of the Sufi
Order of the West. As the breath is an indicator of our thoughts and emotions, it can
also be used as a tool to facilitate higher
consciousness.
In this creative approach, dynamic and
provocative music is combined with the Purification of the Breath technique. This practice works on the five elements-Earth,
Water, Fire, Air, and Ether-which are the
constituents of the entire universe within
and without. Explicit instructions are provided to take you on an inner journey to
harmonize mind, body, and spirit.
Provide yourself with a quiet comfortable space for 45 minutes, relax and allow
this innovative, instructional music guide
you to inner, unexplored spaces of harmony
and wholeness. Enjoy.
Rabbi David Moshe is a Rabbi, licensed
acupuncture physician, and a teacher of Yoga,
Chi Kung, and Tai Chi Chuan, with a
practice in the Ft. Lauderdale area, and can
be reached at 305-565-6897.
This review was reprinted InnerSelf
Magazine, Hollywood, FL,
1-800-923-0730
* See ad inside front cover for order
information on this and other tapes.

Enjoying Woman's Way?
Subscribe now!
See inside back. cover
for details.

ABORTION INFORMATION & REFERRAL

• The Private Alternative to Clinics
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20

RECORDING

Dr. Chris Northrup is a doctor of obstetrics and gynecology whose practice includes
non-traditional healing methods. She is the
co-founder of an all-female health clinic, an
assistant clinical professor at the University
of Vermont School of Medicine, former president of the American Holistic Medical Association, and author of the book Women's
Bodies, Women's Wisdom .

Listening to Dr. Northrup's tapes is akin
to walking down a garden path and becoming
reacquainted with the familiar fruits of
knowledge and new blooms of discovery. She
speaks one on one with you as if you were
having a chat. These tapes are, however,
much more than a chat.
Her style encompasses story telling, information giving and suggestions. This, as
well as her ability to intertwine many diffuse
subjects at their roots and tie them all together with relish, makes her very easy to
listen to. But not all at once. There is too
much information here to digest in one gulp.
One tape at a time, and then think about it,
would be my suggestion. Dr. Northrup gently
guides and supports you into a new way of
thinking about your body and mind being
integrated with responsibility and choices.
Sandy Scull, Boulder, CO

The Cal

You've

Been
Listening

Margie Needles Wullschleger

AIR

WOMEN'S HEALTH , CHRIS NORTHRUP,
M . O . , FIVE CASSETTES, A SOUNDS TRUE

& LYNN MARLOW, GOLGANOOZA

PRODUCTIONS, BOULDER, CO*

The time of the child-Loved and cherished.

In dealing with the abortion issue, I found
myself faced with the dilemma of my own
spiritual feelings about the disposition of the
spirits of the potential lives which would
not be born. This poem was the result of my
deep inner searching for the peace I feel in
giving women a choice about their
reproductive lives, which includes abortion.
The poem speaks to me of the continuation of
life, whether born now or at a later time.

CREATING HEALTH: WOMEN'S BODIES.

For.

The Sounds True Catalog is your
direct source for hundreds of inspirational, informative audiotapes
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Woman}Way _____________________________

THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

REVIEW

REVIEW

ANCIENT MOTHER

JOURNEY TO JOY:

A COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUAL MUSIC FROM AROUND

A GUIDE TO ENJOYING YOUR EMOTIONS; MADELINE DEMER,

THE WORLD; SPRING HILL MUSIC, BOULDER, CO

VESPER PUBLICATIONS, TAMPA, FL

If you celebrate the goddess and delight in clear, pure, feminine
voices singing sacred songs, the album "Ancient Mother" is for you.
This anthology of goddess/earth-mother songs presented by
Robert Gass features the vocal group "On Wings of Song," and a diverse group of soloists recorded at some very unusual locations.
Noirin Ni Riain sings the beautiful, gaelic "Mary's Keen" in Glenstad
Abbey, Ireland. Brook Medicine Eagle chants the Native American
"Nah Bvey Hi-ay" deep in an ancient ceremonial cave in Montana.
A wide range of musical styles reflects the multi-faceted, multicultural, but at the same time, universal nature of the ancient
mother. Songs such as "Ancient Mother" and "May the Circle be
Open" arise from the contemporary goddess/pagan movement. "O
Viridissima Virga" by the medieval Christian mystic Hildegard de
Bingen evokes the lush fertility of the earth-mother. Natural sounds
such as water, ocean and crickets help connect the music to the global ecosystem we all share.
Goddess worship still thrives in some of the cultures represented. Nurudafina Pili Abena, a master of African sacred drumming
traditions, performs "Yemaya," a traditional Yoruba prayer. Auntie
Edith Kekuhi Kanaka'ole chants the traditional Hawaiian "Puna is
Dancing."
While the wide variety of traditions makes the album sound a
little disjointed on the first hearing, it grows on you. The extensive
cover-notes about the performers and the songs are an added gift.
One doesn't need to be a goddess devotee to treasure the album; it
will appeal to lovers of folk and ethnic music too.
Annie Prevost, Denver; CO

ON WINGS OF SONG & ROBERT GASS PRESENT

A N C I E N T
M 0 T H E R
A COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUAL MUSIC
FROM AROUND THE WORLD
With special guests:
Z. Budapest (Hungarian)
Nurudafina Abena (Yoruba)
Brooke Medicine Eagle (Native American)
Kay Gardner
N6irin Ni Riain (Irish)
Auntie Edith Kekuhi Kanaka'ole ( Hawaiian)

These potent and primal
songs of Herself so beautifully
rendered, stir the heart with
memories of who She is and
where she may be found."
- Dr. Jean Houston

To order send $12.00 per cassette or$ 18.00 per CD ( shipping is included) to:

M

Spring Hill Music

Emotions affect every area of our lives. In this era of self-help,
as we seek to gain greater happiness and fuller control of our lives,
Madeline DeMer, a psychology teacher and freelance writer, offers
us this fascinating, easy-to-use, spiral-bound workbook that actively involves us in an exploration of our deepest feelings.
Ms DeMer (appropriately named "of the sea") explains that
our emotions are like a vast sea upon which we, like Columbus,
must steer our ships, searching for our happiness through uncharted waters, avoiding rocks and sandbars, surrounded by the
flotsam of our own emotional debris, avoiding the temptation of
landing on the nearest shore (security) before fully exploring other
areas, and ending our adventure only when we find "that golden
treasure with our name on it-joy, happiness, and peace of mind!"
Each of the eighteen chapters deals with another emotional
area. We learn about ourselves through carefully worded questionnaires accompanied by delightful, amusing illustrations, numerous
examples, and suggestions for follow-up meditations and activities.
Through such questionnaires, we learn to separate our child
self from our adult self. We look in the mirror to measure the way
our emotions are etched into our features - mouth turned up or
down? Eyebrows arched or drawn together? Eyes sparkling or
moist? We examine the way we express emotion ... the words we
use, the gestures we make, the way we communicate our emotions
to others. We examine our need for security and how it can effect
our emotional health. We explore the relationship between emotions and physical health. We study our need for alcohol, our need
to cry, our emotional cycles. We chart our desires and see what
they tell about our state of mind: a new car (freedom, power), a
gourmet dinner (wealth), a wonderful relationship (love and acceptance), a healing (feeling relief and order), our desire for sex and
fame, and so forth. We learn how our basic attitudes and perceptions shape our emotions and actions - and what is shaping our
own destiny right now. Then we measure the extent and depth of
our emotions, charting our own course of action, determining our
own personal destiny. We even take a look at the effect of past
lives on our emotions today.
DeMer's book guides us in transmuting our negative emotions
into gold. In the end, the final measure, our own answer to the
question, "Am I happy?" tells all!
Bonnie Iris (Silverstein), portrait artist and freelance
writer; spent 14 years as an editor of how-to art books.
She now lives and works in Boulder; CO.

Journal writing worlu;hop~ & eta~~~
ba~szd on l:{athlszszn '(idem~· book JOO'RN116

ro rtte

~

e 6 f'

Joannsz Ziszr
Cszrtifiszd ln~truetor
303-465-4958

P.O. Box 800, Boulder, CO 80306
Telephone orders accepted at 303.938.1188

Free catalog available

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH oF EMPOWERMENT

21

REVIEW _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

AFRICAN WOMEN'S WRITING
CHARLOTTE BRUNER, EDITOR
HEINEMANN, 1993

In many anthologies of international
women's writing, a common theme emerges:
that women the world over are, to varying
degrees, under the big thumb of male domination. African Women'.s Writing is no exception. Though a slim and unassuming
paperback, this collection of short stories
speaks volumes about the lives of African
women-usually private and unheralded in
their own countries, and even less known to
the outside world.
A Western reader encountering for the
first time the quotidian realities of being female in Africa may find aspects of the experience disturbing and infuriating. The extent to
which many African women continue to participate in their own oppression is particularly incomprehensible to their Western
"liberated" sisters.
Not that the searchlight of feminist consciousness doesn't illuminate these women's
stories. On the contrary, most are singularly
focused on the plight of females - from the
very young to the quite old- with regard to
gender roles, class and the expectations of
family, community and religious or governing
authorities. A few authors write joyously of
breaking the chains; of professional accomplishment; of gaining self-respect; of their
affirming friendships with other women.

Taken together, these stories present a chorus of modem African women's voices, their
concert a chronicle of changes - and
struggles-across the vast continent.
Taken singly, however, the stories differ
as much as do the 14 countries here represented. Editor Charlotte Bruner (a former
comparative-literature professor at Iowa
State University) divides Africa, for literary
convenience, into western, eastern, northern
and southern sectors. Between these regions
and even within them, the characters vary
considerably: a middle-class, professional
Kenyan married to a "gentleman" who beats
her; a veritable slave-wife in Senegal who
uses "magic" to help herself conceive; a desperate-for-love Algerian paralyzed by modesty; a plucky, impoverished South African
grandmother determined to save her grandson from the demons of homelessness.
The voices in this chorus differ not only
in the myriad realities they express, but in
how they express them. In fact , the quality of
some of the writing is questionable, at least
by Western conventions - although it is
impossible to know if the fault lies in the
originals or in the translations. For example,
in "Mother Was a Great Man," Nigerian
writer Catherine Obianuju Acholonu is
highly informative about the Orlu and
Umuma people, in particular their customs
regarding marriage and the acquisition of
status. But the writing resembles the straightforward, unsophisticated narrative of, say, a

fairy-tale. Since the same is more or less true
of all the West African writing here, it may
represent a fashion.
However, Cape Verde writer Orlanda
Amarilis breaks with this plodding style in
"Disillusion." Told as the inner musings of
an unnamed mulatto woman on her way to
work one foggy morning, it outlines a predictable, disappointing life of not fitting in, of
loneliness and detachment. As bleak as the
story is, the writing is enlivened by the injection of incomplete sentences and unexplained secrets.
South African Sheila Fugard (wife of
playwright Athol Fugard) contributes the
highly imaginative "Lace," written as a memoir of a now-elderly woman who had been a
fanciful girl ravished by lace, which to her
represents beauty, love and hope. In the
course of a few pages the woman's tragic life
unfolds-her young son dies, she murders
her husband, is confined to a mental institution for 20 years, and is now old, alone and
"prepared for great freedom."
Freedom and its opposite form a continuum throughout African Women'.s Writing.
Underlying the stories themselves is the implied freedom to be writing them. African
women writers, asserts Bruner, are no longer
"isolated voices crying from a wilderness."
Even in countries where religious strictures
are seemingly iron-clad, more women are
contributing to the new literature of Africa.
Pamela Polston. Reprinted with
permission from Toward Freedom

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REVIEWS

HUMOR

EATING OUR HEARTS OUT:
PERSONAL ACCOUNTS OF WOMEN'S

THERE'S A HOLE IN THE
SIDEWALK

RELATIONSHIP TO FOOD ; LESLEA

(THE STORY OF MY LIFE IN 5 CHAPTERS)

NEWMAN, ED. ' CROSSING PRESS , Pus.

I am so excited about this anthology that
I feel compelled to spread the word about it.
Newman has compiled a group of poems,
letters, and stories that are wonderfully
crafted: humorous, evocative, and powerful.
She has placed them in an artistic framework of photographs celebrating women
which serves as a visual introduction to each
section of the book.
A wide spectrum of women (cutting
across sexual, religious, and racial lines) are
given an equal forum; their voices are imbued
with an honest clarity that challenges me to
continue to examine my own inner process.
Topics covered include anorexia,
bulimia, and overeating, and the accompanying feelings of isolation, shame, and fear
which they often engender. However, the
tone of the book is upbeat. I closed the last
page with a renewed desire to embrace my
life in all its manifestation.

Chapter One: I walked down the
street. There's a hole in the sidewalk. It's a
very deep hole. I fall in. I'm helpless. It isn't
my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 1\vo: I walk down the same
street. There's a hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in .... again. I can't
believe I'm in the same place ... but it isn't
my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three: I walk down the same
street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I
see it's there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. But
my eyes are open and I know where I am. It
is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four: I walk down the same
street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I
walk around it.
Chapter Five: I walk down another
street.

Claudette Mary Moloney, Boulder, CO

To Everyone, From: Elaine Lane, Atlanta,
Georgia. Reprinted from Mother To Mother,
newsletter of Mothers Without Custody.
Thank you, Elaine!

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Vnique audio experiences to enhance your creativity and healing ...
Secrets of Eternity

The Elements

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THE
Healing Imagery & Mu1lc
Nan-ation by L)llln llijili Marlow
Music by Dana Harden

THE ELEMENTS:
HEALIN(i IMA(iERY, AND MUSIC

Dana's evocative music and Lynn
Bijili Marlow's imagery and
breathing suggestions guide you
on a journey through the
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LANDSCAPES
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from Will~m Ul-akc's /JIJ(Ji of Mil1tm
by Dana Harden

SECRETS

OF

ETERNITY

An original soundtrack for a
condensed version of
William Blake's epic
mythological journey of
integrating our masculine
and feminine selves, and
becoming a whole human
being.
Cassette (SOE003l, 93

. Dana Harden's melodically and
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and come out of his innovative
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in Boulder, Colorado.
TO ORDER:
For each tape send $1 D , $1.50 S&H to

Golgonooza Productions
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ETERNITY'S SUNRISE
Experience the rich,
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Harden's synthesizer.
Cassette (ES 004), 61 min.

THE ELEMENTS
WILD WOMEN AND MADMEN
A live digital recording of five passionate
performances of stories, poetry and
music: featuring P.G. Palmer, Billie
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and Dana Harden.
Cassette (WWM005l, 75 min.

INSTRUMENTAL SOUNDTRACK

An even more ecstatic,
instrumental-only performance
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Cassette (EIS002l,44 min.

Wave oJWomen
Conunn _______~
Editorial
Letters
Interview
Kathleen Adams
Prose
Fireflies
Stumbling Through
Issues
Domestic Violence
Health
Columns
Mother/Wife
Asteroid Goddesses
Journey to the Center
Relationships
Lavender Column
Poetry
Wave of Women
Ancient Vision
Dark Night Longing
She Was There
The Campfire
Intentions
A Matter of Choice
Articles
The Candidate

2
3

12

Journal Entries
Faces and Butterflies
Garden Therapy
Humor
Ann Reichner
Hole in the Sidewalk
omen in Prison Project
Project Update
's Story
no Concerto
~ e
s
0 is Simonsen
ice Bernat
Suzanne Ghiglia
Wahaba Heartsun
views
Creating Health
The Elements
Ancient Mother
Journey to Joy
rican Women's Writing
ating Our Hearts Out

14
17
18
25

6
6
9
9
5
7
11
19
20
20
21

21
22
25
24

The cover art was drawn by A ice em , inspired by a "vision" I had. I saw ancient,
medieval, Victorian, pioneer women, of every size, shape, color, and age. Their bodies
formed the path itself, leading to this point, one woman, each of us, and the future
before us, and in our daughters and granddaughters. -LM
Woman's Way is a quarterly publication
dedicated to establish a sacred space for
self-discovery and self-expression. We intend to support women's creativity and selfexpression by offering the space to read and
write about our lives. In this way we hope to
foster individual growth and healthy community. We want to support, nurture, heal
and empower women in the community at
large, by giving women an opportunity to
acknowledge and tap the resources within.
We wish to take an assertive - as opposed
to a victim or blaming - approach to our
problems and challenges in life.
We encourage women's unique way of
knowing and being in the world - believing
that a feminine approach to spirituality and
life in general is necessary for us to be
healthy individuals and create a healthy
society. We are particularly interested in
offering previously unpublished writers an
opportunity to share their work. We also
print excerpts from women's personal journals to help overcome the sense of isolation
that many women feel, as well as to acknowledge the feminine principle that "the
most personal is the most universal."

Woman's Way is distributed throughout
the Boulder/Denver area and is now also
carried by three national distributors.
Lynn Bijili Marlow
publisher/editor
Alice Bernat
production designer
B. McDonald
business manager, advertising
Elsie Goosen
accounting
P.G. Palmer, Jyoti Wind,
Elaine Brown, Helena Mariposa,
Marilyn Hough and Chuck Schmitt
columnists
Mailing Address:
P.O. Box 19614, Boulder, CO 80308-2614
(303) 530-7617
DEADLINES

Fall '94 issue - August 31
Winter '94 issue - November 30

Waves of women
Side by side
Shoulder to shoulder
Hand in hand
Heart to heart
We stand
Stepping through time
Wave upon wave
Over and over
Each wave rising, cresting,
flowing
Over the shore of
Oppression and lies
Doubt and fear
The tide comes in
The tide goes out
Washing away the grains of sand
That seem to stand in our way
While the undertow sucks them
back to sea
To be taken into the shell
One by one
Until a pearl is born
Wave upon wave
Grain upon grain
Shell after shell
Pearls together
Alone in our shells
Mother daughter mother daughter
From ancient priestess to
corporate lawyer
Amazon queen to single mother
Witch to bag lady
Sappho to Maya Angelou
Who ever questions that the
ocean lives forever?
Lynn Bijili Marlow

In Our Next Issue:
The theme will be Passages, featuring an
interview with Julia Cameron, author of The
Artist's Way, The Spiritual Path to Creativity

Future Issues of WW
In upcoming issues, our focus will be breast
cancer. Please send us your letters, journal
entries, poems, stories, and artwork on this
theme. Reviews of books on this topic are
also welcome, as are resources for women
dealing with breast cancer.
Woman's Way is also planning to publish
two issues on Feminism. In the first, we will
focus on the history of feminism, in the following issue we will explore where feminism
is now. Please write to us and let us know
what you think of feminism. What is your
definition of the word? Is it meaningful to
you in your life now? Why or why not?

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

1

EDITORIAL

CJJear :f'riends

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - LYNN BIJILI MARLOW, E D I T O R - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

Months ago when considering themes for our upcoming issues, I
came up with thriving for this summer-our first anniversary issue.
Little did I realize at that time how appropriate that theme would be.
As you can see, we have grown from our initial twelve page newsletter
of last summer to a 28-page magazine! All in one short (but busy) year!
I believe that fits into the category of thriving! So in this issue of WW
we come together to celebrate the bounty of our womanhood.
In the past, I have often gotten together with my women friends
and shared "war stories" and "breakthroughs." Certainly it is supportive to share our feelings, often of grief and anger, and the trials of our
process of healing. However, more and more I and many of my
women friends who have spent many years healing from incest
and other childhood traumas are moving from that phase into
celebrating the fullness of our lives.
Hopefully, it offers a ray of hope to those who are still in
the heart-breaking work of plowing weed infested, rocky
fields, that some of us are sowing new seeds of healthier
lives and others are now reaping the harvest. Some are
even blossoming into the fullness of our lives, finding joy in
being our natural selves and re-seeding the fields by sharing
the wisdom of our hard-earned experience with others.
Some of the seeds of our early years that were planted in
dark, often barren soil, neglected by lack of water and sunlight,
still managed to sprout. These delicate sprouts then had to face the
challenge of surviving drought, cold winds, and heat waves. Amazingly
enough, many of us did it, although some may have felt like small
sprigs of green that, against all odds, emerge out of the cracks in city
cement, alone and unsupported by anything or anyone in our environment. Life has an amazing capacity to prevail despite obstacles, although it doesn't always feel that way. We have survived! Now, having
learned the art of farming ourselves, we treat the seeds and sprouts of
the abundant innate qualities in the garden of our natural selves tenderly and wisely. And Lo! The garden is flourishing!
I am reminded of the story, recently reproduced as a beautiful and
touching film, The Secret Garden. The young heroine, an abandoned,
neglected orphan, discovers an abandoned and neglected garden.
Through her vision, rebellious, tenacious spirit, and love, she brings
herself, others who are wasting away in grief, loneliness and despair,
and the garden to flourish. She is a role model for all of us, I believe.
Throughout this past year, I have been reclaiming my own secret
garden, owning my knowing and my voice. I've been discovering solid
support deep within my own body, allowing my roots to probe deep
into the fertile soil I have been cultivating for many years. Listening to
our bodies, our intuitions, is a revolutionary act. Most of us have been
raised to listen only to outer authorities.
With WW coming out, spreading across the country, being interviewed by newspapers, having some of my writing published in national magazines, I find myself shedding an old, long out-worn identity.
I recently told a reporter who was interviewing me about our Women
in Prison Project that I had never felt listened to as a child. As I said
this, she was writing down my words and the little tape recorder was
capturing each syllable, cough, sigh. I had to laugh. It is hard to continue to believe that I am not listened to under these circumstances.
Still, it is not easy to "forget" those times and to remember that it
is different now. But with the passing of time and hard work, these patterns grow fainter. Like an ancient tapestry, they have faded, becoming
more distant, quieter, haunting me less and less frequently.
Change is usually slow, within and without. Within, I see myself
and others shifting patterns and beliefs. Without, I see glimmers of
change. Slowly amid the stagnant pools of conservatism, continued

2

abuse, and economic inequality, women are taking on new roles.
Hillary Clinton is a healthier role model than most of the presidents'
wives to date. Her role in the presidency is, if not revolutionary, certainly different enough from her predecessors' to be encouraging, offering us a glimpse of the future. With her, the possibility of a woman
president begins to come into focus.
When I look at the books being published by and about women I
am also heartened. However, when I look at the choices in women's
magazines available on the mainstream market, I am less encouraged.
I'm tired of standing in line at the check-out counters and seeing 'plastic' women and articles on fashion and homemaking. I'm always relieved when I see MS magazine there, a symbol of
sanity amidst the Walt Disney fantasy world we are expected to believe is real. Out of boredom and a morbid
sense of curiosity, I sometimes glance through the wonder world of wonder women on the smorgasbord, usually next to the M&Ms and Hershey bars. Occasionally,
I see articles on health and diet, but for the most part
these high gloss, high profile magazines have little if anything to do with me or my life.
These magazines set up a false standard that
women are supposed to aim for. They try to convince us
that all women are supposed to have a certain size and shape
breast, wear certain length dresses, the 'in' color and style. We are
tricked into believing that all women are like these models, and we feel
bad about ourselves if we are not.
We see photos of "super-mothers" at their computers with the
phone in one hand and a small child on their lap, all dressed neatly
and everything in order. We feel badly about ourselves when we don't
live up to these images. We feel so bad, in fact, that some of us will go
to almost any lengths, expense, pain, and health risks, to change our
image and behaviors to fit in, including cosmetic surgery, breast implants or reductions, and excessive dieting.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to recover from the loss of
self-esteem that is the natural consequence of all the messages we get
from society. Once we wake up and realize the ruse, we are faced with
the catch-22 task of filling the vacuum that has been created inside of
us from the external referencing we have been taught. It is a major feat
to be aware of and change the "Doctor tell me what's wrong, fix me"
approach to life, to risk going into our emptiness, confusion, the "forbidden" territory of our bodies to find the truth that resides there. And
often when we do take this risk, we run headlong into disapproval and
discouraging responses from others.
All the contributors of WW are pioneers in this work and hope
that our offerings support this process. We also hope that WW will be
one of many magazines on our newsstands that reflect back to us and
express to society the beauty and power of the many facets of women.
We want WW to be a "real magazine for real women," including a variety of body types, personalities and lifestyles. We invite you all to
imagine along with us how it would be to go to a grocery store and see
magazines that feature women like yourselves and have articles and
stories that discuss the topics you discuss with your friends.
So welcome to WW! May you find a piece of yourself in the images and words offered here. If not, send us yours.
About the Publisher/Editor
Lynn Marlow is a writer living in Boulder, CO. She has a master's degree in
Jungian Psychology/counseling. She has been in private practice as a bodycentered psychotherapist doing massage, breathwork and counseling for
sixteen years. Lynn facilitates women's retreats and workshops. Contact her
at Woman's Way if you would like to arrange an event in your area.

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

LETTERS------------------------,
L___ _ _ _

rourWords ____~

Dear WW
I just got done reading WOMAN'S WAY and immediately went
to my journal to write down the thoughts it inspired. Thank you for
talking with me the other day and for sending the magazine and
sample issue. You've really got something here and it's inspired me
to continue with my women's sports magazine idea.
I especially enjoyed your intro and the interview with Christina Grof (Winter '93). But most of all , I think the Women in Prison
project is a great support for women. I once did a story for the
Santa Monica Newspaper when I was a budding reporter on a
women's prison up in the Santa Monica mountains-a group of
I oo women chosen from state prison-went to forest fire "camp"
every summer to help fight forest and brush fires in the summer. It
was very prestigious for the women to get into this particular prison
"camp" and they were quite proud of their achievements. Unbeknownst to most Southern Californians, if it weren't for these incarcerated women firefighters, their homes would probably burn down
every year. For the story, I went on their daily 7-mile morning run
through the mountains, lifted weights, etc., and had lunch with
many of the women. The interview was intriguing and the story
made front page of the culture section that month.
If there's anything I could do to help with the Women in
Prison Project, perhaps help with the journaling part, please let
me know.
Kathleen Gasperini, Boulder, CO

ELENA GIUUNI
M.A. Somatic Psychology
Cert. Practitioner of Body-Mind CenteringTM

Creating a bridge between symptoms and insights.
Exploring body awareness.
Healing painful and addictive patterns.
Experiencing choices.

Call for free consultation:

DearWW
I want to thank you for your publication .. I especially appreciate your including journal entries. I always find myself going to my
journal after reading WW. Perhaps someday I will be ready to
share some of my journaling with you and the readers. It's a big
step to come out of the closet with my journal writing. Seeing others do it is inspiring and gives me courage.
Susan S., Cambridge, MA
FROM INSIDE

Dear WW
I need to tell you that both I and my fellow inmates feel WW
is a fantastic representation of what & who we are. I feel women
are often pitted against one another in competitive form by
society's rigid rules of performance. This occurs both in the job
force & in relationship terms, & so forth. We need to find our connected ground through the oneness of our life-forces & the natural
empathetic traits we have instilled within us. Your newsletter is a
positive approach to link us back together in unity, as our women
in tribal cultures of antiquity once lived.
I passed WW around to certain close companions of mine before submitting it to the library for all to see. Also, one of our librarians made a poster with information concerning the newsletter &
article submissions. Woman's Way is becoming quite popular around
here. Hopefully many will be inspired by the articles in the Winter '93
issue & will submit some work of their own for the next issue. There
are talented, & unfortunately tormented souls within this fortress. Yet
when humans are confined & uprooted from normal human experience they often produce & express their best mental works. Sometimes it's the impetus that strikes the deepest innermost part of their
being. It causes them to find portions of the answers to those ultimate
questions to life, "Who am I, & why do I exist?"
Thank you for sharing with me & my companions here at...
Christine

Spring Greetings Lynn and Woman's Way Staff,
I trust this letter finds each of you there well - if there is a Hell,
I'm certainly there already - get the message?
Please understand that I cannot afford the $3 you require for a
sample copy but I do wish to submit my story to hopefully get published, Lynn.
It is PAST TIME, that free world women like yourself realize
that the Jean Harris story is a country club type and a myth when it
comes to reality.
Some prisons are nothing less than oppressive environments
which are operated by people who would have fitted in quite well
at the nazi concentration camps - get the message?
Myself/friends STOPPED getting up as soon as time was
called, why? Because we are tired of 'time' called at the whim of
whomever is standing meals and assumes everyone is finished eating. We non-violently protested by not getting up when time was
called. We are 'on tray' for 15 days. Oh well...
Lynn - also is there any one of Woman's Way who would care
enough to be my regular correspondent?
Lois
Ed note: If you are interested in corresponding with Lois or another inmate, please write or call WW for details.

(303) 449-5086
1722 14th Street, Suite 225-1, Boulder, CO 80302

Sen&,us y<,>Ur thoughts! Tell us about yourself and what
you'd like see in . ~ · A~dre~s lette7s to Woman's Way,
RO.Box
, Bould'er,CQ 80308··2614
'''<J:,,_

,·

.•.

..

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH oF EMPOWERMENT

3

l

coLUMN

uV[other/WifeluVle

POETRY

ANCIENT VISION

DEATH AND TRANSFORMATION

FOR BEVERLY ANTAEUS

~-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ P.G. PALMER _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~

In the dream, I asked my friend for a
gun, promptly put the muzzle behind my
left ear and pulled the trigger. I didn't die,
but it was hard to concentrate and not hit
people jogging on a highway where I next
found myself, driving a station wagon full of
children up the mountain. The car ran out
of fuel and slid sideways into some tidal
pools. In the pools I found bits of old jewelry and many-legged sea creatures that
were precious to me. An old professor gave
me some compressed gas and I managed to
put it in the car's tank and get back on the
highway.
This dream so disturbed me, I thought
of little else until I sat at my computer and
typed a dialogue between my self who
pulled the trigger and my friend who owned
the gun. I realized that part of me was
deeply angry that I planned to start working
on performance pieces for next year rather
than resting after two months of intense
dramatic work. (I had rehearsed several
times a week in March and was performing
every weekend throughout April in a Goddess Theater production.) My angry self was
attempting to kill off the analytical mind
and cause it to lose focus. This made me
aware that I was "out of gas" and needed to
refuel by recovering items of value from my
subconscious (the tidal pools). I immediately promised this furious self that I would
rest, and arranged a week off after the last
show with no evening appointments.
It was lovely to be just mom and wife
again, slipping my hands over dishes in
sudsy water, discussing school projects with
Sy and Mr. Bigg, spending quiet hours with
my husband.
But there were more death dreams to
come. A co-worker died, and I wept for her
husband; then the dream changed, and it

was my sister Cece who had died of cancer.
It changed again and I was arranging for my
new boss to be out of the office so he could
act as pall bearer for a sheriff on his team
who had died.
As I was writing the dreams down, I
abruptly remembered an earlier sequence
where I had saved a princess (my boss' concubine) when a "liquid bad guy" melted her
down inside himself. I had to pour them
both out, separate the colors, and put the
princess into a container that would solidify
her again. She looked like the cookies my
son Zig had made the night before, all run
together, with faint indentations marking
her limbs. In the dream, I re-ran a scene
several times where I actually escaped with
the princess by leaping with her from one
level to another, hitting the metal ramp hard
and rolling before dropping to a lower level.
I was impressed with this risk-taking and
wanted to see just how I did it.
A few weeks ago, I finally got together
with Ruth, a friend and fellow member of a
dream group. Ruth's gentle voice asked me
many probing questions about each symbol
in the dreams, and in answering her, insight
after insight flashed through me. Each death
refers to an aspect of myself that has died
and been transformed through performing
in the play just ended. The princess references my "half-baked" ideas for new performance pieces of my own. The "new boss" is
my developing intelligence guiding my career as a performance artist; naturally, he
values the princess and wants her saved.
Separating her colors from the "liquid bad
guy" is the process of discrimination as I
work on my ideas, struggling to give them
concrete form.
As I told Ruth all the benefits I had
gained from acting in the play, she pointed

Standing in my canoe -my Rainbow Witch -1 paddle kayak-style.
I am pre-dawn woman
strong as drumbeats
rhythmic as the undulating
flight of the heron;
arms reach up
and out and dip -each stroke
a poem
to the water.
Marilyn Del Clements,
Claremont, CA

out the similarity between these levels of
experience and the levels I had encountered
as I escaped with the princess. Ruth noted
that I need the princess with me in order to
take these risks, I need my talents and creative ideas.
When I can do this-unravel my night
dreams and integrate their images with conscious goals and visions, my fevered brow
unfurrows and I am made whole. The symbols in my unconscious mind give me the
courage and conviction I need to manifest
my ideas in the outside world. And by honoring the images created when I am asleep,
I send my subconscious a strong message
that it is valued, swinging wide a door that
once I may have feared to open.
P.G. Palmer has been writing all her life.
She is currently studying performance art,
creative writing, and C.G. Jung.

Ch
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4

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

PROSE

Fireflies

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THORDIS SIMONSEN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _---'

What could excite a child more than fireflies blinking in the
night? In the summertime, my family often ate dinner at Gramma
and Grampa Rownds' house. The sun had set by the time my sister
and I had finished the ginger ale Popsicles my grandmother had frozen for us--one cannot prolong eating Popsicles on a warm, Lake
Erie summer night. Not long after sunset, my mother and father
drove us home to bed.
Sometimes we were lucky and stayed at my grandparents' after
dark. Then my sister and I would catch fireflies-we called them
lightning bugs-in the back
yard. We would spot one and
then run toward it and eagerly
wait for it to light up within
reach. Then we would catch it in
cupped hands. Peeking inside,
we watched its mysterious glow.
After awhile, we let it go.
On occasion, we caught the
bugs in a lidded jar. Inevitably
some bugs escaped from the jar
when we removed the lid to catch
others. Eventually we were called
inside. We presented the wondrous lantern-it was the light we
prized, was it not-to the grown
ups who had spent the evening
chirping like crickets on the
screened-in porch.
Many times during my
childhood, my sis and I spent
the night with Gram and Gramp. We slept in twin beds in a spare
bedroom connected to one of three guest rooms by a bathroom.
While we bathed together in the tub, Gramma Rownd knotted one
end of a terry cloth hand towel for each of us; we took these dolls to
bed. In the morning we sat at the tiger-maple table in the pantry
and, in winter, ate ruby grapefruit while Gramma cooked cream of
wheat on the kitchen stove. In the summer she sat at the table with
us and ate a thin slice of Pepperidge Farm bread, buttered and
sprinkled with white sugar, while we each ate a bowl of Tony the
Tiger's frosted flakes. After breakfast my grandmother set up the card
table in the library and we three played canasta-a game she had
taught us when we were quite young. Or we went outside and she
staked the delphinium in her garden while we picked pansies or sat
on nearby flagstones and played Jacks.
We lived close enough to my grandparents that we saw them
frequently. One summer my family took a trip with them. The six of
us rode in their apple-green 98 Oldsmobile all the way from Cleveland to the Double Diamond Ranch at the foot of the Teton Mountains in Wyoming. Dressed in our straw hats, beaded belts, and
patterned cowgirl boots, my sis and I felt at home with the ranch
hands and blacksmith. Studded with distant stars, the vast Wyoming
night sky inspired even more awe than the fireflies blinking within
reach at home.
One morning my parents had gone trail riding, and my Grampa
Rownd had gone fishing. Gramma took Sis and me for a hike up the
mountain. Mud from the previous night's rain caused no problem on
the ascent. But on the way down my grandmother chose to descend
a particularly steep, slick section of the trail on her backside. Following her example, Sis and I sat down and merrily slid along the trail
behind her. Normally getting muddy was frowned upon in my family,
so this unusually uninhibited time embedded itself in my memory.

I recall no other time laughing gaily with my· grandmother. An
only child, she was orphaned in maidenhood. At twenty-one she
agreed to a marriage spearheaded by anxious relatives. My mother
was born within thirteen months, and my aunt arrived less than two
years later. How these factors shaped my grandmother's personality
and demeanor, I do not know. But the grandmother I remember was
sturdy, stiff, and a little stern. She probably seemed all the more so
alongside my ebullient Grampa Rownd.
This picture of my grandmother had become so fixed in my
mind that her appearance-the
last time I saw her-stunned
me. It was February 2, 1990.
We were in a stadium. When
she walked gingerly past me, I
glimpsed her face. It glowed:
open, soft warm, bright.
"Gram, what happened?" I
gasped. She walked briskly
down the steps ahead without
answering. I quickened my
pace and caught up to her.
"Twelve years ago," she said,
still walking. I caught up to her
again, and again I asked,
"What happened?" "Measles,"
she replied. And I woke up.
The evening I saw my
grandmother in my dream, I
had rigged up an easel to acThordis Simonsen
commodate a thirty-by-forty
inch sheet of paper in the workspace where I had been painting
once a week for three years. The two-by-three foot format I had used
until then was not spacious enough for the painting I wanted to do
now; I felt like a firefly trapped in a jar. The expanse of larger paper
seemed at the time as boundless as the Wyoming night sky, and my
soul journeyed afar when I swept my colors across it.
My grandmother escaped a nursing home where she had been
confined with Alzheimer's disease when she visited me in my sleep.
Ironically the Alzheimer's condition developed following her inexplicable, complete recovery from a terminal abdominal cancer that had
threatened her when she was sixty-one. On February 10, eight days
after my dream, Gramma Rownd donned wings and departed. She
was ninety-one.
Two weeks later, I went to a Jungian movement workshop I had
been participating in bimonthly for several weeks. My grandmother
had married a dancer, but did not dance herself. Like her, I felt inhibited, and I had joined the group to reclaim my dance.
No one else came to the workshop that week. Rather than dismiss me, the facilitator asked whether I would like to explore the
dream I had mentioned previously about my grandmother. When
she asked what had happened twelve years earlier, I associated most
strongly with the sabbatical year when I edited my first book, You
May Plow Here. The year of writing had been one of the most satisfying times of my life. Later I confirmed that I took the sabbatical in
1978, twelve years before.
When my facilitator asked me about the measles, I associated
the spots that characterize the disease with spots I had been incorporating in my paintings ever since a spontaneous painting workshop I
had participated in in October. For some reason, I especially enjoyed
Continued on page 10. ►

Womans Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

5

:f'rom Jail to Where?
SUSAN'S STORY
~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A S TOLD TO SHAARL MARI _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ J

The following is part two of an interview with a young woman who spent a
total of seven and one-half years in
prison. See WW Vol.I #4 (Spring '94)
for part one.
WW: Was there a single in~ident that you
can remember that may have conditioned
you mentally for your criminal actions?

Susan: When you condition people to
be a certain thing, once you start hittin' a
kid over the head, hittin' em with your
fists, hittin' em with extension cords, the
kid begins to wonder, is this life? A person,
you know, don't think about it, it's just a
set of circumstances. A set of circumstances is you got beat, a set of circumstances
is you're goin' to prison.
WW: Tell me about daily routines in
prison.

Susan: You wake up about 6:30 a.m.
and are on the job by 8:00 a.m. You have
counts, three times a day, where they have
to live count you to make sure that no one
has escaped. You have to be awake, up
and mobile, eyes open. You also have
three counts during the night-these are
the counts where they have to see your
face and make sure you're still breathin'.
Some people go to classes in the morning,
such as a GED class. You have job assignments. Some were dorm workers who had
to clean the toilets, strip and wax the
floors, etc.
We had 1V time which was on weekends and we had the choice of bein' outside or watchin' 1V. You had assigned
days for the 1V-if you missed your day
then you weren't in control of the 1V programs. Some people liked soap operas,
some liked westerns. You got into fights
about little petty things like who was goin'
to watch what. It was very serious and

people got hurt over things like this. I got
into a lot of trouble over the Tv. I was a
white girl in a majority of blacks and there
was a lot of trouble.
WW: Are there any classes taught in the
prison, art or music classes in addition to
GED classes?

Susan: Yes, there are classes. I didn't
have a good experience with them. The
teacher didn't take the time or she had too
many people with learning disabilities that
needed extra help to try and help me.
There's not enough help or not enough
volunteers. I didn't see that the teachers
had the gusto or get-up-and-go to really
want to help people.
I did take the art class and painted
three nice pictures. I saw a picture in a
magazine - it was a picture of a scarecrow
with a background of trees and little farm
house. When I saw the picture I said,
"Wow! I'd like to be able to paint that. So
the teacher showed me how to paint it.
That was cool!
WW: Did the guards show fairness
toward all of the inmates or was there
favoritism?

Susan: There was a lot of favoritism .
There was one girl who knew how to play
the system to her advantage. She was in
for a lot of years, but she was able to go
out to a local college for an education. Me,
I was in for six years, and I should have
been able to at least go out to a trade
school. Not everybody's goin' to want to
go to college. But I think if they were able
to send one out to college, they should
have been able to send some out to trade
school too.
One volunteer made a volunteer fire
department. He chose three girls doin' a
lot of time for this volunteer fire depart-

ment, even the girl goin' out to college. I
guess they got picked because the prison
didn't have to worry about them goin' anywhere after the prison had invested their
time and money in teachin' them CPR, etc.
WW: Was favoritism connected to sex
and drugs?

Susan: Well, there were two different
prisons. In the one prison, the guards were
powerful and good and they were logical.
They might have had their favorites, but
their favorites were people tryin' to do
right with their lives. Their favoritism was
toward people who cared about life and
cared about the human race as a whole.
Then there was the other prison where
very few of the guards fit that image. Their
favoritism was towards the ones that favoritism bought. You had male guards that
controlled your case loads and your paperwork. They controlled seein' if you were
goin' to the parole board or if you wasn't.
Their favorite thing was, 'Well honey, you
want to get on your knees and perform a
little sex act here.'
A lot of guards bring in drugs. Some
do it to turn a profit. Others want the exchange of sex favors for the drugs. One girl
I knew did sex favors for drugs, but she
was settin' the guard up to get busted.
That's how she got out the door. One girl
performed oral sex on a minister. That's
what he wanted. She got her freedom too,
and the minister probably got time because he got busted. That's what kinds of
favoritism goes on.
WW: What sort of bonding occurs between the women inmates and do these
friendships sometimes continue after they
are released?

Susan: With the black women, I'm not
really sure because I was locked up in the

WOMEN IN PRISON PROJECT UPDATE
Shaarl is in the midst of a major
healing process and has had to resign
her position as WIPP coordinator. We
wish her the best and extend to her our
deepest gratitude for all her help with
the program.
We also wish to thank Charlotte
Mears for her extensive and excellent

6

Womans Way

work in completing the Scientific and
Cultural Facilities District grant application in which we requested funds to
facilitate writing workshops in the Boulder County Jail.
Thanks also to all the pen pals and
women who have paid for gift subscriptions. We have received many letters of

appreciation from inmates.
Woman's Way is now offering
businesses and individuals the opportunity to have a 2" x l " listing in this publication for a $100 donation to the
Women In Prison Project, or 3 line Hsting
for $25. Call us if you're interested.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

south and a lot of them came from the
Washington DC area. They were a lot of
hookers. The main thing I always heard
from them was, "Yeh, I beat this white guy
and I robbed this white guy, and I did this
so I ended up defending my race." So
what! They was the same white guys
hurtin' me one way or another. And they
are the same white guys that hurt me today with job discrimination, with education discrimination and all those things.
So when I started realizing that, it became a common bond and I understood
where they was comin' from. The woman's
movement was a common thing.
Yeh, I made contact with them
but not so much as I should
have on the outside. They
wrote me while I was still
in. I didn't keep the contact like I should have
and the contacts that I
tried to keep with white
girls was hookers before
they came in and hookers when they went
out. They didn't care
about changin' their
lives even though they
said they would. They
dried out. When they
went out, they went
back to the drug scene.

fix

WW: Because of your
confinement in a small
cell, did you ever feel the need for personal counseling because it became unbearable day-after-day?
Susan: Yeh, but I didn't get it. This one

counselor was so goofy that I don't know
how she got the job. She didn't have any
of the experiences that I had. She didn't
have the gusto or inner strength to be
powerful and the most important thing in
prison is to have powerful women counselors that have inner strength, inner
strength that could tear down a brick
wall. You need someone to say, "hey, I
believe in these certain values and I will
help you to talk about your problems."
That's what you need in prison with the
counselors, not someone who thinks everything is a joke.
There's nothin' funny in prison and
nothin's a joke. Everything is very serious
and your life is on the line most of the time
because you don't know if that person in
that bed next to you is crazy or what
they're capable of doing. And if you were
like me, one of three white girls among 500
black girls, there was always danger.

WW: What was the most difficult situation you ever faced while in prison?
Susan: 1wo difficult situations at two

different prisons. At the one prison, I was
watchin' TV and this big black girl, about
four feet taller than me, wants to change
the channel. I say, "Whoa, wait a minute,
it's my TV night and I'm already watchin'
something!" Nobody changes it unless
there's a big majority vote to change it. Basically it was me and her in the room and
one other person who didn't care. I cared,
OK. The black girl changed the channel - I
changed it back. She went off on me
and I threw a pop can at her. She
comes at me, rips off my
shirt and tries to beat my
head in the ground. If
the cops hadn't come
to the rescue, I'd of

$54,000 a year. That
.
would be pretty comfortable. I
want to learn the trades, whether it's
painting, carpentry, landscaping, maintenance work, etc.
WW: What advice would you give
women who have been in trouble?
Susan: The first thing is that we should

all try to help each other to get an education, we'll never win without it. If a
woman wants to be a housewife, let her be
that. If she chooses to do something else,
an office worker, a construction workerlet her, help her. Rich people, poor people
have common goals. Bring those common
goals together to achieve the purpose that
all of us want.
WW: What kind of opportunities or help
is available to people such as yourself
who have come out of prison and are
looking for a job, starting life over once
again?

In some states, it's help with
education and job placement. So what we

Susan:

been tore up,
that's the bottom
line.
/
Another time
~
I felt my life was
threatened. There
f'
was this black girl weighed
about 40-50 pounds more than me.
She just didn't like little white girls or at
least this little white girl. She used to always pick on me and bash my head in.
Well, I'm still alive and I've still got my
brains. I'm lucky!
-:;: /,

V

WW: Did you ever lose your identity as
Susan, the person, and simply become a
number among the masses?
Susan: I was goin' to lose it after about

three and a half years, but I tried at all
times to keep my sanity. I wasn't goin' to
let them win, that's the reason why I escaped because I didn't let them win.
Maybe they won with their rules and
things. But I saved my sanity. They don't
care about you, you're just a number, not
an individual. They get their pay check
and that's all they want.
WW: Where is your life going now? Do
you have a goal in mind as to where you
really want to be?
Susan: Right now the first thing I want is

to have someone care about me and
someone for me to care about. I want a
caring relationship in a normal household.
Second thing I'd like is to make about

Continued on next page.

►

WOMEN IN PRISON
PROJECT
REQUEST FOR DONATIONS,
VOLUNTEERS, AND A NEW
COORDINATOR

Donations are being accepted for
the Women in Prison Project. The
funds collected go toward paying for
the production and printing costs of
the pages dedicated to the Women in
Prison submissions, operating cost of
the project - e.g. postage for correspondence, photocopying, long distance phone calls. Money is also
being collected to fund writing and art
workshops in the prisons.
A fund will be started to offer assistance to women getting out of
prison to help them get a new start.
Gifts of cash, specific goods, and services are needed.
Volunteers are also needed to
assist with correspondence to prisons
and inmates around the country to let
them know of the Women in Prison
Project. If you are interested in assisting with this, have suggestions for the
project, or want to volunteer in your
area, please writ~ or call Woman's
Way, PO Box 19614, Boulder, CO
80308, (303) 530-7617

Womans Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

7

coLUMN

I

cA"steroid goddesses
VESTA - THE ETERNAL FLAME

'--·_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ JYOTI WIND _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~

Continuing in our series on the Asteroid Goddesses, we now
come to Vesta, indicative of the Vestal Virgins who took men
through their sexual initiation in the temples of old. She represents sacred sexual/spiritual devotions and brings the
moon energy into daily life for the everyday person.
Historically, Vesta was Goddess of the Hearth and
Keeper of the Sacred Flame. Altars, at the center of
each household, were dedicated to Her. Public altars,
where the sacred fire was tended, symbolized the cohesion of family and state and were dedicated to Her.
She embodied the epitome of honesty and faith,
sealing oaths and social contracts. Those tending
the sacred flame were called vestal virgins, priestesses of Vesta. "The essence of Vesta's original tradition consisted of the sexual rites honoring the
fertilizing and generative powers of the Moon Goddess which provided for a divinely blessed
rulership" (Asteroid Goddesses, by Demetra George).
In an astrology chart, Vesta provides insights
into our sexuality and how we express it, how we
may sublimate it into a spiritual devotion and/or artistic creative expression. She also speaks to us of focus
and commitment. In Pisces, for example, Her energies
need to be consciously harnessed, focused, and committed. In Capricorn, the creative energy is organized yet can
become rigid if not balanced with self-nourishment. And in
Leo, She needs a large arena to create, and Her sexual drive becomes sublimated into Her creative endeavors. Here, only arrogance would be Her downfall.
Vesta is a direct link between our sexuality and our innate purity, our Scorpio and Virgo parts. She reminds us that by saying no
to giving away our personal power and attention, and saying yes to

tending that sacred fla me in our own hearts, we, as women, move
beyond patriarchal modeling and into a new arena of evolution as
human beings.
Jyoti's response to a letter in the last issue:
Jean:
I'd like to reply to your letter. My work with the
Dark Mother has taken me into my own darker
realms, my own shadowlands. In that place I met
Her and embraced Her. Her touch and recognition
of me opened a new awareness of Her deep love
for me-the vigil She kept until our meeting. With
this embrace, parts of me long held separate became one. It is with great love and gratitude that I
speak of the Dark Mother, who leads us to places
inside we've never claimed. She patiently awaits
our willingness to embrace Her, and gladly guides
us through our own inner labyrinth.
The Asteroid Goddesses, though taken from
four separate dieties in Greek mythology, are four of
the faces of the one Goddess who lives in each of us.
The Asteroid Goddesses represent four aspects of the
female psyche: nurturance, intelligence, sexuality and
relationship. I feel they bring to light very succinctly
important aspects of our own being, which have lain dormant or distorted for a long time. These Goddesses can help
us remember and reclaim our true nature.
Jyoti Wind
Blessings,

Jyoti Wind is currently preparing a workshop, "Owning the Dark; The
Descent to the Dark Mother," facilitating the embracing of the feminine
Shadow. She is available for astrological readings at (303) 541-9106.

Continued from previous page.

need to do as women or as people on the outside for the people on
the inside getting ready to get out, is together to find those resources that are available. In some states there might be housing
resources available because a lot of times you get out and you've
got a hundred bucks, mar, and you've got no place to live. What's
a hundred bucks goin' to buy?
I know a woman who couldn't get out of prison because she
didn't have anybody to put her up for awhile until the prison could
find a Salvation Army so she could get on her feet. That's how desperate it is in these situations. It's very serious and it's very real.
What are these people goin' to do when they get out? They're goin'
to do what they know how to do. If they're hookers, they're goin'
back to bein' hookers. If they're robbers, they're goin' back to
robbin'. That's what they do for survival. It's very important to help
these people.
WW: If you could make a wish for anything in the world, what

would it be?
Susan: Well, I'd like to be on some island with a society of

people, be it women and men or just women, a society of people
where there ain't a lot of restrictions and able to be in the sun, on
the beaches and the mountains, where the people are free to do

8

whatever they choose to do. Everybody can work and do whatever
kind of job they want. There's not a racist thing, there's not a sexist
thing, an island just beautiful and green and free.
WW: You mentioned losing freedoms when you were in prison.
What were the ones you lost?

Susan: When I was a kid I was used to running the streets and

the mountain sides and hillsides-just me and God and nature. To
be able to get out in the middle of the woods or open space with
nobody around and worship God, the individual God that people
believe in. In a prison cell, I couldn't be in direct communication
with 'em because part of my God is the earth, the trees, the flowers, the water, things that I can feel and touch. Those are real to
me. If I can't touch it, feel it, see it or smell it, it's not real.
Losing freedom was important to me because I couldn't touch
or smell the grass. I couldn't pick it up and put it in my mouth and
taste it - it wasn't there. When I wasn't in Deadlock, and I was
able to walk the 100 acres of land it was very important to me because I got to feel the grass-it was real, really there. The dirt was
really there. I could pick a flower and chew the end of a grass stem
and, yeh, you get a piece of dirt too. It was real!! ♦

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

The Piano Concerto
~ - - - - - - - - - - - - D . J . CONAGHAN------------~

Seated in the visiting room in front of
the beautiful Baldwin Baby Grand Piano,
I long to run my fingers upon its pearly
white keys. I wait on the edge of my seat
fidgeting, trying to position myself so I
will be able to see the piano and the keys
perfectly when the concert pianist starts
to play.
I have knots in my stomach from anticipation and sheer excitement, wanting
her to be ushered in right at that moment
so that my need could finally be filled.
As time creeps slowly by, my anticipation and excitement continue to mount.
I look at the expressions on the other
peoples' faces as they sit and wait also I wonder if they are excited as I am?
Finally three people are ushered in;
I thought to myself one of them must be
her. She seats herself on the bench making
sure everything is just right. After what
seemed to be hours of waiting, the first
note is struck - I realize that she is telling
the beautiful story of life, love, pain and
the passion for my dreams to be fulfilled.
While the pianist's fingers flow freely
over the keys, I am continuously being
tantalized. I'm reminded of the freedom
that I possess within my spirit, that I can
soar above all things that are in my path
as obstacles.
As she finishes one piece, to go onto
another- I hunger for the next song to begin. I realize during those few short moments I've been holding my breath, not
knowing what to expect, hoping that each
song that is played would not be the last.
I am constantly being swept along the
path toward oneness with the music, nature, and myself in a dream-like state, not
wanting ever to wake up.
As she plays each piece, I know that
everything she is feeling while playing, I
am feeling too. My eyes cannot leave the
pianist or her fingers, while she is playing
- I am captivated - I am held spell-bound.
My ultimate passion is to fulfill my
destiny. My destiny is to be a Musician,
just like this pianist, to express how I feel
through the music I play. I long to feel
every note that I play, to put meaning to
the notes on the pages. _
As she plays softly, and slowly, and
gently- love, happiness and inspiration
well up within my soul. Upon her finishing
the piece I realize I'm crying - not because
of sadness, but because of complete joy.

The next piece she plays is rather
different. It is being played loudly and
possessively - a constant reminder of the
way that pain, anger and fear hit my heart,
which is like a bolt of lightning hitting its
unsuspecting target.
Now as she plays Chopin it reminds
me of children frolicking in the sun on a
summer's day, with a light breeze blowing
through their hair. The piece is being
played with so much conviction, feeling
and life in it. It reminds me of my childhood, when as kids we would chase each
other in the yard for a friendly, fun game
of tag.
She plays the final selection by a Polish composer to its ultimate climax, bringing the performance to a sudden end.
I was so caught up in the oneness of
the performance when it all came to a
crashing end. I wanted this feeling of happiness, joy, love, and peace not to leave
me so I wouldn't have to come back to the
realities of prison life.
So I gave my appreciative applause,
and found myself asking her for an encore
to put off the end of the performance for a
few more minutes.
To a musician, feeling and playing
the music is like a seed taking root and
growing. I am an aspiring musician, longing and needing my seed to be fed and
nurtured so I can continue to grow.
When I came into prison I asked if I
could have my clarinet - my ultimate joy
with me as I do my time. But I was told it
was not allowed because it was CONTRABAND.

My clarinet is like my child; without it
beside me I am like a woman whose children have been ripped out of her arms.
My heart has been shattered into a million
pieces. I am breathing my last breath, and
my life is being drained from me.
The piano concert has continued to
inspire me to fulfill my destiny, my
dreams, regardless of the many obstacles
in my way.
Days after the concert, while sitting in
my cell, I am still savoring the passion and
the unforgettable flavor of the music that I
was feeling on the day of the concert.
D.J. Conaghan is an aspiring musician,
singer, artist and writer serving a
12 to 18 year sentence.

I(qtherine Power
~sponds...
DearWW.

Thank you for sending me the
issue of Woman's Way. I was excited to hear of your Women In
Prison Project, and hope to be gathering writings for you from women
here. The place is rich with stories,
with women's need to tell their stories
so someone will hear, pay attention,
perhaps understand. In the course of
a week I may speak with:
- a woman with the Virus, whose
T-ceU count is always Jess than
200, it has been as low as 0;
- a woman who picked up heroin
after six years dean, whose
lover of many years is dying
from AIDS;
• two women whose children were
adopted away from them just
that day;
- two women who gave birth in the
last two months as inmates,
who see their infants perhaps
once a week, more likely once
a month;
- one woman who is coming to
terms with the likelihood that
she will serve a sentence of
natural life, that is, that she
will never live as a free
woman aga4).
I help, as part of my being here,
these women to learn to write from
their bodies, from their pain, from
their vision place, to write with the
word T. They try it, they discover their
storytelling voice. I encourage them by
letting them know that there are outlets for publication, such as Woman's
Way. Thank you for being there, doing
your work.
Katherine Power
Katherine Power is serving time after
recently turning herself in for a
politically related crime committed
over 20 years ago. A poem by
Katherine was featured in the
Spring 1994 issue o(Woman's Way.

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

9

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in her book, Women Who Run With The .
Wolves, speaks of "The One Who Knows" that is deep within us. A
friend of mine says "my Knower knows." The idea is that each of us
deep within ourselves has "The One Who Knows" waiting to be heard.
I have found in my life that if I don't listen to that Knower She will do a
variety of things to make me take notice. I suspect it is true for all of us;
it is only a matter of whether or not we have heard this wise inner
voice. Some of the things that She does to make us listen are bouts of
depression or a sense of malaise, difficulties with relationships, illnesses, and accidents.
For me, She raised Her voice loud and clear in 1988 when I was
teaching Mathematics at Metro State College and CCD, career counseling, tutoring, doing graduate work in Mathematics, and helping to
raise two teenage boys. I became ill in a way I couldn't help but notice.
My thyroid went out and I could no longer think as clearly as I was
used to which is a symptom of hypothyroid.
Now just because my Knower raised Her voice in such a manner
doesn't mean I listened carefully. I did cut back on teaching at Metro
and took time out from the graduate program, but the next semester I
was at it again. Finally my body kept upping the ante, and I found myself suffering from a severe backache, chronic sinus infection, weight
gain, hives and a thyroid that resisted regulation with the standard
medications.
So in 1991 I heard Her, truly heard Her. Something was not right. I
dropped out of the Math program at Boulder and cut back some more
at work. I began telling everyone when they would ask what I planned
on doing, that I was nobody, going nowhere, doing nothing. It left most
people speechless. Thank goodness! I did not want to hear how I was
making a big mistake giving up a program I was acing and on and on. I
had enough trouble fighting that doubting voice within myself.
I spent the next few years descending, stripping myself bare of the
multitude of personas I had acquired in the 40 years or so that I had lived
on this planet. I slowed down to the point where I didn't have to get sick
to hear the voice of my Knower. I followed Her wisdom and experimented with a variety of tools. Many of them helped bring me closer to
my center. I began to realize that I was the only expert on my Self.

Continued from page 5.
applying red spots. Innumerable spots of every color imaginable animated my paintings, and me. By acknowledging my writing and painting through her appearance in my dream, my grandmother encouraged
my creativity and the fulfiUment it generates.
Gramma Rownd had smiled on me in a way that life apparently
had never smiled on her; she had smiled on me in a way she had
never been able to smile on her own daughter, my mother; she
smiled in a way my mother, therefore, had not been able to smile on
me. My grandmother had communicated to my mother, and my
mother in turn had communicated to me the validity of creative selfexpression as a sideline, but never as a sustaining activity.
Although Gramma Rownd's light seemed to have expired long
before she took flight from the wheelchair in which she had slumped
for several years, her spark had continued to glow internally. Inextinguishable, it shines now in a Wyoming night sky, while word by
word, spot by spot, I free the fireflies bottled up in me.
Thordis Simonsen is a writer, visual artist, and storyteller. Thordis is the
editor of You May Plow Here: The Narrative of Sara Brooks (WW.
Norton , 1986) and author of Dancing Girl: Themes and Improvisations in
a Greek Village Setting (The Fundamental Note, 1991).

10

Womans Way

It was a radical change after a life-time of looking outward for
truth. I had gone to classrooms, therapists, self-help books, friends,
looking for the meaning of my life. Now I began an inward search. The
deeper I went into the darkness of my being, digging up things
about myself, the lighter I felt. I am not saying there weren't times of
doubt and fear, for there certainly were, but I began to get a sense of
who I was and what I was about. The descent was a long one but I discovered much like in Dante's Divine Comedy, the way up was down.
This process included discovering lost memories of physical as
well as emotional abuse. As you can imagine I had a lot of work to do.
One of the amazing things I did discover on this journey to the center
of my Self was that I loved to write and had been doing it since I was a
very young child. I began writing poetry and short story after short
story, and am presently writing a book on this healing journey.
My intent in writing this column has to do with reminding each of
us as well as myself that we do know; it is simply a matter of listening
to our inner voice and trusting ourselves. I am so thankful for my life
and all that I have learned that I would like to share some of the path
that I followed in hopes that maybe some version of that path or the
tools that I used would be helpful to you. As Louise Bogan said in
Poet's Alphabet: "... in a time lacking in truth and certainty and filled
with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of its
lost heart."
Through discussion of meditation, mandalas, rituals, myths,
journaling, Shamanic journeying and more, I hope this column will
help you to find the way to the heart of your Self. For I do believe, as
Jung did, that we each have a core Self that needs to be discovered.
He spoke of this in Psychology and Alchemy: "We can hardly escape
the feeling that the unconscious process moves spiral-wise round
a center, gradually getting closer, while the characteristics of the centre
grow more and more distinct." The most valuable jewel that one can
gain possession of is this center. Claiming that center is part of the
work of being human.
Helena Mariposa has been teaching mathematics at an
inner city college for the past seven years. She is now finishing
a book on the journey to the center of the self.

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SUZANNE GHIGLIA
(303) 443-6733

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

PROSE

I

STUMBLING THROUGH

~-_ _ _ _ BY CARRIE YONN - - - ~

There are days when the most productive thing I do is to get out of bed in the
morning. The making of art and the writing
of poetry have been my passions since being a wee one. Somehow this compulsion
to communicate rules what paths I walk
down and the doors I open.
Being creative is an in and out process, one that swirls us around until dizzy.
We are up and down people whose uptime
is connected divinely. Downtime is questioning everything that moves. Why am I
tied like a tether ball to these cycles? I am
noticing a pattern to my madness. Experiencing rotations both large and small. By
dating the paintings as to month finished,
certain months are emerging as more productive. These periods of waiting to replenish my vessel are necessary but depressing.
My energy slugs along not covering much
ground. I'm in a holding pattern viewing
myself, taking my pulse, checking my
breathing. At some point bubbles start to
percolate and the energy turns up a degree
or two. It is false labor, the ideas are not
born yet! Hopefully ideas are growing
and being watered once more, and I am
not a drying, parched desert. Society says
writers' block, past your prime, trying for
a comeback, or maybe just all dried up! I
tell myself I must learn to love these
times of gestation! They are a part of the
process too.
When I talk to my friends and they
ask "What's new?" I respond with "I'm
breathing," or "I'm doing life!" Actually I
watch a lot of movies, read and notice every little detail whereever I go. I'm not as
easy to get along with, either, which is
probably a nice way of putting it! Oh, how
I revel in those up times. I am quick to forget the feelings of why bother or who cares
anyway. The universe loves me again and
my soul expresses itself. I walk with more
spring instead of sproing, energy is a rushing spring creek and I am a paper boat carried along. Life is good again and I am
once more a juicy August peach!
I am grateful!
AKA Ann Reichner. Nederland, CO

"I sh,111 struggle. 11erh;1ps 'til
de.1th. tL, reg,1i11 the Sl'llse L,f
wlwk11l'SS ,111d rightness. whkh
\\'.is ri1111ed from me ,ll birth
(,111d subsequent Iv)."
- Lesley Saunders,
Glancing Fires

ILLUSTRATION----------

POETRY-------------

INSIDE THE SHAMAN TREE

SHE WAS THERE
ALL THE TIME

~..,~

iJJi

~\~

.

•
.1•

For years I didn't see her
Within this heart of mine
For years I overlooked her
Yet she was there all the time!
I'd look at other women
And wish that they were me
I'd look at them in envy
For what I thought I couldn't be.
Life kept me so busy
Running to and fro
That the one I knew the least of all
Was the one I longed to know.
And then a great discovery
(at least it set ME free!)
To find that what I sought in "them"
Was really part of me.
A strong and able woman
Would show up in my dreams
At quiet times I'd see her
In the reflection of a stream.
And as I got to know her
As I looked within to see
I found a special woman
Living deep inside of me.
She had the strength I so desired
The kind that doesn't tire
This fervent woman in me
Could set my world afire!

/
Suzanne Ghiglia. See her ad on page 10.

I thought that she was in their lives
And couldn't be in mine
Ah, the Joy of sweet discovery
That She Was There All The Time!
Ralene Friend © 1992, Creating Futures:
retreats and workshops for and by women.
Escondito, CA. 619-746-5680

POETRY

DARK NIGHT LONGING

Lately I have found myself, deep in the night,
Floating, Chagall-like above the bed and out the window
Slipping through bare branches, over the city I soar and dip
arms spread, eagle-like.
I travel through hour after insubstantial hour, alone and longing.
Like wisps of fog - longing.
Like smooth, thick cream - longing.
Like-saxophone wails - longing.
Like white gardenia petals - longing.
Like wood smoke in winter - longing.
Longing - womb deep finger tingling
mouth watering
Dark night longing
Victress Hitchcock

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

11

THE WAY OF THE
JOURNAL:

An Interview with
Kathleen Adams
by Lynn Bijili Marlow
Kathleen Adams MA, LPC is a clinical journal
therapist who teaches, writes and consults on the use
of reflective writing as a tool for personal growth,
spiritual development and emotional healing. Her
first book, Journal to the Self (I 990, Warner Books) is
considered a classic in the field. She is also the
author of a journal therapy workbook, The Way of the
Journal (I 993, Sidran Press) and the first journal
book for men, Mightier Than the Sword (I 994,
Warner Books). She is the founder and director of
The Center for Journal Therapy in Denver, Colorado.

WW

Why keep a diary or a journal?

K&,4'

Journal writing is one of the most reliable and
effective ways we have to stay in touch with
whatever's going on in the present moment. The journal creates a bridge between the past and the future. It
helps clarify angst, objectify drama, and heal trauma.
And it helps us know and remember who we are, so
we can celebrate the everyday joys and successes as
well as the major achievements.
WW Has there been any research on the benefits
of journaling?

Journal
writing is
one of the
most
reliable and
effe_c tive
ways we
have of
staying in
touch with
whatever is
going on at
the Ji110ment

K&,1' There are tons of individual testimonials to
the healing power of writing, but not much hard data.
Thank heavens for Dr. James Pennebaker, a research
psychologist at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. He's done some landmark work correlating writing
with the physiological benefits that come from catharsis. He had research subjects write for 15 minutes at a
time over four consecutive days about emotionally
difficult material, and their immune system functioning boosted up and stayed up for as long as six weeks.
That's a pretty powerful wallop for an hour's worth of
writing.
The way he explains_ it, it's hard physiological work
to "inhibit" - to keep things bottled up inside. The release that
comes from writing frees up physiological resources that can then be
used to fight infection and disease. Pennebaker has replicated this

12

WomaniWay

study with various other populations, including people
who had been fired or laid off ·from their jobs. He found
that those who wrote about their feelings -fear, frustration, anger, depression - were re-employed at a faster
rate than those who kept their feelings inside. And they
approached job interviews with more confidence.
WW It's like it helps a person digest the experience, whatever that experience is. What do you say to
someone who is just getting started?

K&,4'

I say, 'welcome!' And I suggest spending
some time developing a relationship with the journal.
Making friends with your journal is just like creating
any other relationship; it takes time to get acquainted
and build trust. Both literally and metaphorically, the
journal is an extension of the self.
WW How does a person build a relationship with
a journal?

K&,1' One of the first things is to find a journal that
you feel comfortable with. Computer, spiral notebook,
blank book, wide, narrow, or no lines; ball-point, felttip, fountain pen - it's up to you. These seemingly innocuous decisions can go a long way toward building a
journal relationship. Then you can start experimenting
with different ways to write.
My whole teaching methodology is based on the idea that there
may be months between entries. Then, might be weeks or months
when you write a lot. But I also don't think it should be left com-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

pletely to whim or chance. Sometimes it's helpful to have the strucwriting safe for people healing from deep wounds. I found that
ture and accountability of knowing you've got a plan. So pick a
structure, balance and permission were the keys.
game plan you can live with. Can you realistically find three pockets
I guess my rule of thumb is that I see the journal as a healing
of time every week? Pencil them into your appointment book. Maktool, and if it's feeling like a burden or a nightmare, then I work with
ing a date with your journal is a powerful statement about your willpeople to back it off so that it feels manageable and purposeful and
ingness to devote attention to your own life process. Usually after
safe. Not everybody responds the same way, and that's as it should
about six or eight or ten weeks of doing it regularly, the journal habit
be. A lot of barriers can be overcome with some basic teaching about
is established, and you can rely on your internal rhythms and pulses
how to maintain a journal environment that is inviting and safe and
to tell you when it's time to write.
protected.
Then, of course, there are times when daily writing
WW In your own journal do you experience times
is a useful discipline that offers important feedback and
Winter
is
when
it feels like it's not going anywhere?
continuity, like if you're in a program of spiritual or creative development, or you're working a 12-step pronot a
V
Oh, sure. Sometimes I bore myself silly.
gram, or you're adjusting to something new. When
Sometimes
I just wander around in circles and never
mistake.
there's a reason to write daily that makes sense to you,
come to resolution. Sometimes this is because there's
then that's a whole different story.
something I don't want to look at, so I just ask myself
the journal question, "What am I avoiding?" SomeWW Do you think journaling is good for everyone?
times it's because I'm in a gestation period, when I'm not yet wordV
Well, it's not a cure-all or panacea, and I've certainly seen
ripe. I had a meditation teacher who used to say "winter is not a
plenty of people who used their journals as an avoidance, or a way
mistake, " and sometimes emptiness needs to be honored and reto beat themselves up, or to justify choices that weren't especially
spected. Sometimes I'm not supposed to be writing - I'm suphealthy. There are some people that find journal writing frustrating
posed to be doing my dishes, riding my bike, talking to a friend, or
or demoralizing or generally more challenging than helpful. These
taking action instead of endlessly processing.
include people who don't speak or write fluently, who have learning
But if it seems to me like writing would be helpful, then I look
disabilities, who have physical disabilities like cerebral palsy or
for a fresh approach. I ask myself, what result do I want, and what
arthritis, schizophrenics and others with chronic thought disorders.
will help me get there? Sometimes it's a tool from my own toolbox
There are ways to help each of these groups express themselves
of techniques, like Dialogue or List of 100 or Captured Moments.
through the written or spoken word, but journal writing as we tradiSometimes it's borrowing a tool from someone else's toolbox. There
tionally think of it isn't necessarily the best route. Also, some
are lots of resources out there.
people are more oriented toward expression through art, music or
WW What do you have to say about the question of
movement than writing.
privacy?
WW What do you say to people who say, "I lack the disciV
I think privacy is non-negotiable.
pline to journal"?
Any journal writer has the absolute
V
I don't think it has much to do with
right to declare her or his writing
discipline. When there's a payoff or a benefit
off limits to anyone else and to
that makes sense to you, then the discipline
take whatever steps are necestakes care of itself. The key is to have joursary to insure privacy. And I
nal experiences that make you want to
also know that sharing can be
come back again and again because you
a very important part of the
like the outcome and it feels good.
process, as long as you're
sharing with others who
WW What makes people resist
will listen without judgjournaling even though they know it's good
ment and sometimes even
for them and even feels good?
without comment. There's
V
It feels to me like time is speeding
something about taking the
up. We all have to make choices about how
most raw, tender, vulnerable
we're going to spend our leisure and wellness
parts of your thoughts, dreams,
time. Sometimes journal writing just falls through
hopes and fears and hearing them
the cracks.
in your own voice in the company of
Sometimes people resist because they figure
compassionate others that is inherthey'll probably find out stuff about themselves
ently healing. There's a lot of magic
that they might not really want to know. The
and power in it. But the right to priPhotos: Carl Wets
beauty and curse of journal writing is that it litervacy always takes precedence over
ally lets you read your own mind. It can be scary to find out what's
the invitation to share.
lurking in the darkness of your own shadows.
WW What about people who think they can't write?
I spent two years setting up a journal therapy program for
women who had been horribly abused as children, and sometimes
V
I like to work with people who think they can't write, beas adults too. Everyone was dealing with excruciatingly painful
cause of course they can. Most of us carry around some
memories. These women were often afraid to write about their lives
woundedness about our writing. Sometimes it comes from having a
because the story wasn't supposed to be told, or because it was
journal or diary read without permission, which can feel as intrusive
simply too painful. That led me to investigate how to make journal
Continued on next page. ►

Woman's Way ____________________________ n:E PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

13

INTERVIEW, from previous page
and violating as being physically attacked. Sometimes it comes from
that stage in seventh or eighth grade when we're learning the mechanics of language, grammar, and internalizing the message that if
we don't put commas in the right places or spell words correctly then
somehow we're defective as writers and human beings. These experiences affect us deeply and for a long time.

WW

What can be done about this?

J<:&;f Permission, permission, permission! You
heal writing wounds by giving yourself permission to
write. This lets you update the old tapes that say "I
can't do this" or "this isn't safe." You can reframe
your old hurts and reclaim writing as a God-given
right. Then the wisdom of the psyche and soul just
pops right out. It's right there under the surface, waiting for permission to come through. People who have
the experience of writing with permission for the first
time have breakthroughs like, "My God! I've been
hanging on to these self-judgments all this time and
it just really wasn't necessary."

WW

WW

You talk in your first book, Journal to the Self, about "the art
of knowing" - how the journal helps establish a healthy relationship with self-esteem.

J<:&!f

At the time I was working with those concepts I was seeing
the role of the journal as an adjunct to personal growth and as a
gentle way of beginning to connect with all the different layers of the life process. It's interesting to go
back and visit my roots in this work because in the
past decade it feels like I've learned a lot about
deeper and more sophisticated clinical applications
of journal therapy. But there's something about beginner mind that I always yearn to come back to. The
simplicity and elegance of the journal allows us to
know ourselves better, love ourselves more and feel
more peaceful on the planet. People who know who
they are and who love and accept themselves have
no incentive to create or participate in unhealthy
behaviors or relationships. People who are peaceful
have no incentive to make war. The journal helps us
live peacefully within ourselves. ♦

Sometimes
emptiness
needs to be
honored
and
respected.

Do you see the journal as non-judgmental?

J<:&;f Ideally, yes. It's a silent witness that simply accepts and
receives. In a way it's a perfect mirror, I suppose, so if there's judgment it must be coming from us.

"With every act of speaking or writing, we push the
frontiers further, with every honest confronting of
experience we cross a boundary, tear back a veil,
discover new power."
- Lesley Saunders, Glancing Fires

JOURNAL _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

FACES AND BUTTERFLIES

I am on a journey. Ahead of me is a mountain. All around me is
nature's beauty: blue water, greening trees. I find a log castle in
beautiful, bright, multi-colored light and completely immersed in
green foliage.
And once in the castle, I walk down the cool, quiet hall to my
room, decorated completely in white. I soak in the tub, surrounded
by luscious green plants and wonderful, fresh, spicy smells. Leaving
my room, I feel rested and rejuvenated.
Then, I am offered a gift. I accept a small box covered in beautiful white embossed iridescent paper with a matching bow. This gift is
as light as a feather. And, I discover a scroll stamped with gold wax,
a "J"- my initial -written in graceful calligraphy.
I am guided outside to the bright light around the castle. And I
see a wall; no, it's a dome of tangled, dead vines. I wait patiently...
wait ... just be ... wait.
The vines unravel, untangle. And there are faces: women's
faces, beautiful faces. Each is different, all colors, all ages. But these
faces show agony, fear, worry, tears. I wait and watch, then, slowly
and carefully offer my gift. And soon each FACE becomes a BUTTERFLY - each one is different in shape, color, size. Each one is so
beautiful and bright that soon a bright, golden light surrounds us all!
I quietly leave. The guard whispers, "Touch!" and gives me a
butterfly kiss, lightly on my cheek. I leave with my gift and scroll in
hand, caressing my kissed cheek, feeling calm and serene within.
The gift within the beautiful white embossed and iridescent box with
matching bow is revealed-MY SELF-ME!
As I open my eyes, out my window, the wind has just started to
blow, a wren is singing a storm! And my wind chimes sound!
Joanne Zier, April 1993, written using a technique called
"Guided Imagery" for the first time, and at the time deciding to
become a teacher of journal writing.

14

Woman's Way

ALife Change is as Close
as your Fingertips
• Journal therapy groups
• Workshops
• Individual brief therapy
• Home-study instructor certification
• Hospital/agency consulting
• Clinical trainings
• Faculty appointments
• Residential retreats

The
Center
for
Journal
Therapy

Kathleen Adams, MA, LPC,
Founder/Director
Author, Journal to the Self
The Way of the Journal
Mightier Than the Sword

The Center for Journal Therapy
Dept W-1 • PO Box 963
Arvada CO 80001
303-421-2298
fax 303-421-1255

Call, write or fax for current schedule and complimentary newsletter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

M_a_t_io_n_a_1_c_o_a_l_it_i_o_n1§.~7::_D_o_m_e_s_t_u_Vi_w_l_e_n_c_e____~

·~1SS-U-ES_ _ _ _

Domestic violence is a problem that affects women of all ages,
races, classes and lifestyles. Research has found that half of all
women will experience some form of violence from their partners
and that more than one third of all women are battered each year.
Recent findings by the Surgeon General reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15
to 44, more common than accidents and mugging combined. For as
many as four million women, this battering is so severe, they require
medical or police attention. And for 4,000 women each year, this
abuse ends in death.
The effects that violence in the family has on children are
equally as devastating. Each year, over 3.3 million children in the
United States, between the ages of three and seven are at risk of exposure to parental violence. In 1992 over 1,200 children died as a
result of physical neglect or abuse. Yllo and Bogard, in their research, estimate that 70% of all men who abuse their partners also
abuse their children.
Domestic violence or battering is a pattern of coercive control
that one person exercises over another. Battering is behavior that
causes physical harm, arouses fear, prevents the other person from
doing as they wish, or forces the other person to behave in ways
they do not wish to. Patterns of abuse and battering can develop
gradually over time and can include verbal, emotional, psychological, physical and economic abuse. It can also include violence towards pets and damage to property. Abuse can be very obvious, but
is often very subtle. The following is a list of warning signs to assess
whether you are a victim of abuse.

He beat her 150 times.
She only got flowers
once.

Does your boyfriend, husband or partner do the following?
• Tracks where you go and what you do.
• Frequently accuses you of being unfaithful.
• Discourages your relationships with family and friends.
• Prevents you from working or going to school.
• Criticizes you often for little things.
• Gets angry and loses control easily when drinking or
using drugs.
• Controls all finances and asks you to account for every
cent you spend.
• Humiliates and criticizes you in front of others.
• Is cruel or hurtful to household pets.
• Destroys personal property or sentimental items.
• Hits, punches, slaps, kicks or bites you or your children.
• Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
• Forces you to have sex against your will.
If any of these things are happening in your relationship, now
is the time to look at your options and seek assistance. There are
over 2,500 programs throughout the country providing services to
battered women and their children. NCADV can assist you in getting information about domestic violence and accessing resources
in your community that provide safety and support. NCADV serves
as a nationwide communication link representing an active, diverse
and powerful network of more than 1,300 coalitions, programs and
individuals throughout the country.
NCADV's central office is in Denver, CO (303) 839-1852.
Membership Services and the Public Policy Program are in Washington, DC (202) 638-6388. A Conference Office is in St. Paul, MN
(612) 646-3512. Other NCADV services include:
• National Directory of Domestic Violence Programs
• Domestic Violence Awareness Month Activities
• Information Packet, Information and Referral Services
• Publications, The Voice, NCADV's journal and the
NCADV Update

Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten in this country.
For as many as four million women, this battering is so severe, they require
medical or police attention_
But for nearly 4,000 women each year, the abuse ends. They die.
Help us end domestic violence. Your donation can make a difference.

CALL 1 900-STOP ABUSE
(1 900-786-7228)
$10.00 PER CALL
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
P.O. Box 18749, Denver, CO 80218-0749, (303) 839-l852

Through the support of individuals, corporations and foundations NCADV continues important work in the areas of information
and referral, networking, public education and awareness, advocacy, public policy, and training.
Recently, NCADV started a 1-900-STOP ABUSE donation line,
a new use of 1-900 technology to raise money for important social
concerns. Callers receive statistics about domestic violence, an
overview of NCADV services and a contact number for further information. Ten dollars is charged to their phone bill, the proceeds supporting the services of NCADV. This line enables NCADV to reach
people in their homes with important information about domestic
violence, while providing an easy mechanism for those who want to
make a difference by making a minimal donation.
It is the responsibility of each person to take steps to end violence in their home and community. You can do your part by seeking help if violence is a problem in your life. You are not alone and
there are numerous avenues for seeking help. Call NCADV for a resource in your community.
If not personally experiencing violence, you can have an impact on the problem by getting involved in assisting others, speaking out on the problem, or supporting services and programs to end
violence in the family. There are numerous opportunities to volunteer and get involved at both the local and national level. Call
NCADV today to find out how you can help stop the violence. ♦

Woman's Way _____________________________ TH~ ?ATH oF EMPOWERMENT

15

HEALTH

POETRY

WHAT CAN WE DO TO ENHANCE OUR HEALTH

THE CAMPFIRE

over us, tree trunks are split by shadow and white firelight
half-drained into an ocean of night time.
The spiral music, the circle of faces around the fire,
the moonsliver between black leaves, these exist
All that remains of the forest, the world,
is my belief
the drumbeats are woodsmoke invocations
We have drawn this circle unconsciously
and tonight we've eaten the shadows.
I have night vision. I hear the waves-dragons swim that ocean
whispering that they have always been there
they would reveal more--multitudes-I know their watery stare
I try to remember how to listen
but this is only saltspray and smoke. This circle is riddled
with the forgotten.
Cynthy Kaufman, Boulder, CO

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ALCHEMICAL
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303-399-8978
16

What are some basic things which we need to cultivate in order
to maintain a high level of energy, health and enthusiasm in our
lives? As women, we often find ourselves in the caretaker role. It is
essential that we take very good care of ourselves. Five basic principles come to mind: nutrition, creativity, simplicity, self reliance and
balance.
A woman's intuitive knowing/wisdom is of the earth and has a
quality of sanity that has nothing to do with the relentless ambition or
doingness reflected in our modem culture. Rather it has a quality of
timelessness and nurturing. We need to trust and honor our intuitions, even as our culture chooses to ignore this way of knowing. Intuition is needed more than ever in an increasingly out of kilter world.
We should allow ourselves to fully and creatively express our
many unique talents in the world. The more that we can joyfully express ourselves, the healthier and more abundant our energy flow.
Creative expression feels like play. Our work in the world can feel like
play when we love what we are doing.
Keeping it simple has greatly helped me in my life. I try to practice doing just one thing at a time, keeping my schedule and my goals
focused on what is most important in my life, what brings me the
most happiness. I practice applying this concept to how I spend my
time, energy and money. If practiced, this one concept can dramatically reduce the stress in our lives.
Self reliance has traditionally been very important. Ironically, it is
more important nowadays in a world where we are surrounded by experts and increasing specialization in a very high tech medical world.
How are we to make sense of the unending information and opinions
coming at us in this "information age"? We can go to a health practitioner for help, but we are our own best expert. Being self reliant means
practicing preventative medicine - eating a simple diet low on the food
chain, exercising regularly and listening to our bodies.
Finding balance in today's world is a big challenge. Creating special time for ourselves, the time and space to reflect upon our lives, is
difficult with the many commitments in our busy lives.
Global concerns are daily front page news, and we are challenged to transform some of the basic ways in which we live. We are
beginning to experience the pressure of a rapidly increasing global
population on the carrying capacity of the environment. Nevertheless, our quality of life can be very high when we can feel attuned to
the earth. and to others, and can feel grateful for all that we have in
our lives.
When I experience intense emotional conflict and high stress for
an extended period, I usually get sick or experience physical pain.
Most recently I experienced this level of stress when my father died. I
spent almost two weeks in Houston taking care of both my parents
and being with my father as he died. When I returned home, I was
exhausted, had chest pain and palpitations, experienced night sweats
and very erratic sleep. In addition, my body had gone back into an
old familiar pattern of severe muscle pain especially in my back and
legs. My body felt very out of balance.
What brought me the most peace was meditating every morning.
After two weeks, I was back to normal. One night the full moon shone
very brightly into the bedroom window and I felt profound joy, peace,
and awe. My dad's death taught me so much.
In upcoming issues I will cover diverse topics on women's health care
including menopause, the prevention and treatment of breast disease
(including breast cancer), PMS and other menstrual disorders.
Molly Greacen, Dip/. Ac., Registered Acupuncturist, practices in Boulder
and specializes in women's health care. She offers acupuncture, Chinese
herbal medicine and dietary counselling. She has been practicing since
1982. She can be reached at (303) 546-0987.

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

ARTICLE

THE CANDIDATE: REFLECTIONS ON CAMPAIGNING

As I began this, I thought I was just going to share with you
my recent experience running for elected office but, some other
thoughts come to mind as well. I have before me an editorial cartoon that sorta captured the moment. It depicts Ed Rollins as a dog
rolling on his backside and Governor Elect Whitman scratching
and fleas flying all around. The caption says "(S)he that lies with
the dogs, rises with fleas ."
Harsh but a semblance of truth. As I think more about it, and
my own recent and limited experience in politics, it occurs to me
that we must really be about a new way of being political. It was
interesting to observe the political rhetoric of male candidates and
female candidates during my campaigning activities. Rather consistently when speaking off the cuff, women referenced the building of community while the male candidates spoke of balancing
the budget and making things work better. I reference this not to
imply one is better or more valid than the other but to suggest the
need to be attentive to both perspectives which are critically important to a whole and healthy community.
There were several times when I had an 'opportunity' to decide to do or not to do something which might garner a few more
votes but would require some mean-spirited statements, in my
opinion. I chose not to associate with such statements and feel
now in retrospect, this was the right thing to do. I attribute no lost
votes to this decision .
Another 'opportunity' was to face up to a sense of 'self-importance' that sorta creeps in when you're not looking. It was very
gratifying to be in the company of female candidates for whom
winning was not all-consuming. It was also a very grounding expe-

rience in the company of women where we could at least broach
the subject and laugh at our folly!
More than anything, the experience took the edge of fear
away. That fear of entering some sacred territory where permission
to be there is tentative. Once you break this myth (often of our own
creation) it can never have the same grip.
Emily Friedman in an article she wrote for Health Care Forum
Journal states it much more cogently. She says "...fears block
progress, collaboration and justice."
I was not elected by 52 votes. I was encouraged however, by
the hundreds who did vote for me and let me know their agreement
with my platform and their hope that I would be a candidate again
in two years. Running for office was a statement I needed to make
for myself which says I have a stake in what happens in my community and I can make a difference.
The clearest and strongest message however, was a restatement of something I have always known which is, change comes
from the inside out. In these troubled times we must be willing to
listen and to act from our highest self giving up the luxury of being
victims or victimized. We can affect positive and meaningful
change in our communities, whatever constitutes community for
us, through personal clarity and introspection. Campaigning for
public office is a piece of cake. Calming inner fears and speaking
from the heart in settings that do not yet fully value dissimilar
people or perspectives, that was the real challenge. Overall, a
very satisfying and growthful experience. I highly recommend it.
Mary Madison, Westminster, CO
Written after a city council election run in
November 1993.

THE FOURTH ANNUAL

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Scheman Continuing Education Building
ISU Center, Ames, Iowa
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or Ann Marie Shannon (515) 382-3178

Today I planted carrots and peas in the rain. The mud oozed
through my bare toes, warming them. There is a kind of miracle involved in dropping a little, brown, shriveled-up seed in the earth and
watching it sprout, grow and then flourish. Sometimes my trees and
plants are shelter for a mother bird and her brood, other times they
are food for butterflies. Gardening has some similarities to life in
general. Through the risks of gardening, I have learned to open up to
my own creative process. Sometimes I am not sure if the weather is
right for planting, so I call upon my inner knowledge. These are the
hazards of gardening:
Crop failure , hail storms, wind damage, drought, seed rot, poor
germination, snails, slugs, horned worms, weeds, overcrowding,
aphids and many others.
It is not much different than life. In order to live in the world, I
subject myself to challenges and risks every day. Sometimes I feel
like a shriveled-up brown seed, devoid of creative energy. Other
days I bloom and grow. As I try growing something, I observe how
the plant needs love, fertilizer, nurturing, water, and sun to thrive. As
I dig in the earth, I think of my grandparents who depended on the
soil for their own lives. I try something new every day. I remember
that I need many things to grow: risking, nurturing, loving and crying. Every spring, the renewal begins and blooms into summer.
Linda Slater is a licensed counselor in private practice
in Westminster, CO. She also facilitates groups for women
facing the challenge of middle-age. 303-429-5020

Woman} Way _____________________________ n:E PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

17

COLUMN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

RELATIONSHIPS

Thriving
MARILYN HOUGH, M.A. AND CHUCK SCHMITT, M .A . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

Chuck and Marilyn: This is the second in a series of articles on exploring the full potential of your relationship. In this article we will
examine thriving relationships, what they are and how you can have
one. Our definition of thriving is to participate fully in life, both as a
person and as a couple. We're excited about this concept because it
has changed our reality about what a partnership can be, namely a
place where one can thrive as an individual within the relationship
AND as a couple. Our personal lives and our relationship have flourished as a result of this new way of being. What we continue to find as
we look at successful relationships is the idea of responsibility, taking
responsibility for one's life and everything that happens in it.
Most couples tend to relate in one of two ways: they either try to
protect their respective positions or learn from them. Protecting is usually done to safeguard ourselves against pain or fear. We protect our
position by defending our viewpoint without allowing room for
another's ideas. This could include a situation as simple as the correct
way to load a dishwasher or as complex as buying the right home.
When we choose to relate by defending or protecting, we avoid personal responsibility and become victims. We feel we have no say in
the situation and simply react. The result of this form of relating is usually a power struggle, boredom, lack of fun, distance, or fighting.
Leaming, on the other hand, has many components. It includes
taking responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and actions; recognizing that others do not always share our viewpoint; and finding out why
we react as we do in a given situation. Dr.'s Paul and Margaret Jordan
in their book, Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You, ask two
essential questions: ''Why is it so important for me to get my way or be
right? What fears, expectations, or beliefs lie behind my feeling threatened or irritated?"
Chuck: It is important for me to be right and get my own way because
my definition of giving in is losing. I feel good when I win and bad
when I lose. If I have to give in all the time then I am in a losing relationship and I have lost my power. As a man, power means everything
to me. For example, I have been in relationships where I would always
give my power away because I was afraid of dealing with my partner's
anger. I would meekly accept whatever my partner said in anger because I didn't want to make waves. As trite as it seems, I had to get in

Ann Relchner
Nederland, CO

18

Woman's Way

touch with my own feelings of anger before I could feel safe being with
another's anger.
I can trace this back to the age of nine when my father started
traveling. I was given the responsibility of being the head of the house
with seven younger siblings. I was always taking care of my brothers,
sisters, and mom's needs while mine were being ignored. In this way, I
learned to accommodate others and swallow what I wanted. This affected all my relationships as I had learned to give in to what my partner wanted without voicing my needs. I felt powerless. As a result of
choosing to notice recurring patterns in my life, I learned that I have
problems with other's anger. Recognizing this, I can choose to respond
differently. If I own what I am feeling I can be there while my partner
rages, knowing that it's something she needs. This no longer triggers
my feelings of not being heard nor does it give me the feeling that I am
losing. By using this method, I have regained my power and I can still
meet my partner's needs. We have both won.
Marilyn: I find that I get most irritated with people when they don't
live up to my expectations. My expectations about people are that
they are trustworthy, they have an innate sense of integrity and fairness, and they are true to their word. When this is not the case, I become irritated and disappointed. I grew up in a family that did not
share my beliefs. My mother, having grown up in an environment
where she was continually disappointed, held the strong belief that
given the opportunity, people will disappoint you every time. I constantly fought this belief and tried to prove her wrong. Apparently I
hadn't fully resolved my conflict with these opposing beliefs, as they
were manifested further by my ex-husband. He made a habit of making promises that he did not keep. I was so busy reacting and being
disappointed, I didn't see that I had choices. I played the victim. All
my energy was used up feeling sorry for myself.
Between my mom's beliefs and my experience with my former
husband, I've had a difficult time balancing what I want to believe
with how I've lived up until now. Presently, my original beliefs are getting stronger. Now, when I choose to relate by learning (instead of reacting), I can see that I have choices in every situation that arises.
When I find myself becoming disappointed with my partner, I can ask
myself: Is this feeling from the present situation or from the past?
What is my part in this misunderstanding? What do I want? In this
way I respect both myself and my partner. We both learn about ourselves and one another. We begin to heal old wounds and feel more
whole and empowered.
Chuck and Marilyn: As we've seen, learning always includes the
other person and accepting the situation in which we find ourselves.
Acceptance is the key to taking responsibility for your life. It's all a
matter of personal choice. The results of choosing to relate by learning
are greater self-esteem, more self-confidence, heightened personal
freedom, and greater intimacy in our relationships. This happens because we stop trying to control and blame others. We take full responsibility for what occurs in our lives and attempt to make conscious
choices about how we want to fulfill our desires.
When you begin to use your relationship to learn about yourself,
you can experience more happiness and the feeling that you are actually creating your life. Your relationship grows because your partner is
getting to know you at much deeper levels. This is the true meaning of
a thriving relationship and the place where real intimacy begins.
Marilyn Hough, M.A. and Chuck Schmitt, M.A. are psychotherapists with
combined experience of 29 years in the human potential movement. They see
both individuals and couples, their main focus being relationships. They can
be contacted at (303) 441-5993. Please call for information on their
upcoming seminar, How to Grow A Relationship.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

THE LAVENDER COLUMN :

A LESBIAN P E R S P E C T I V E - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ,

~I__________________c/l
_~

My lover lay next to me, her warmth blending into mine. I can
hear the tiny whisper of her breathing and know she is fast asleep. My
thoughts begin to flow like the curve of her body, one into another,
smoothly forming into the next. I let myself drift on the tide of semislumber. I recall when my life had taken such a drastic tum.
I was married when I met Jennifer, a co-worker whom I'd admired
considerably. I asked her out for coffee
one day, thinking she would tum me
down flat. I was as startled by her
acceptance as she was by my offer.
She was always very reserved at work and was seldom outwardly social.
Through the next several months, Jennifer and I
found a common bond. We shared our stories of sorrow
and heartache. We laughed and we danced. By the time
Jenney came out to me I was already very much in love
with her. I teased her unmercifully, watching her beautiful eyes tum from gray to green to blue.
I knew in my soul that this was who I was to spend
my life with. My marriage had allowed me to see that
society's standard of the American Dream did not always
include a man, a woman, two kids and a dog. Even
though it was painful and confusing for my husband, he
gave me the divorce I requested.
Jennifer and I have been life partners since. The transition has not been difficult per se, though I have felt a little
lost sometimes. My hardest lessons seem to be those I inflict
upon myself. In some ways, I do not feel gay or lesbian, yet I am no
longer "straight. " I feel caught in the middle somewhere -a place, I
think, where a lot of us end up.

Nan ·.. ·. . Ann Da. · . :M.A.

:•:•:•:•·

: f!fi
i__e
_________________~
I have gone through a stage where I have been so angry I wanted
to scream. I was angry at the straight people for their assumptions and
phobias that they put on my life-style. I was angry at the gay people for
hiding and making it so difficult to foster any type of link with them. I
was mad at Jennifer for already having been through this and knowing
the answers. Most of all, I was mad
at myself. Mad because of the confusion and doubt that I had begun to feel.
The anger is fading now as I realize
that while I am different, so is everyone else. I
was so caught up in stereotyping myself, that I was
failing to look beyond the exterior and into the
lives of the friends and co-workers surrounding
me.
In all actuality, the friendships I have made
are very positive, from the married woman with two
kids to the religious, right-wing man to the woman who
has also shared a same-sex relationship. Instead of judging
me on whom I sleep with, they consider the whole person.
As I, it seemed, was failing to do for them.
I have learned in these last two years that titles are only
that. Whether I am a lesbian or bisexual or "Jenney-sexual" does
not matter so much anymore. I am happy in my relationship with
my self and with my lover and I don't feel I need to be anything
except the best person that I can be. Even then, I am allowed to
slip sometimes.
Jennifer and I are making very positive changes for the future, including the process of attempting to have a child. We both
know that this is very controversial in both the straight and gay communities, but the wonder of bringing a child into the world far surpasses the problems that may arise from co-parenting issues. It is
something that we both have dreamed of, and while the path is long
and tedious, the reward is what we keep reminding ourselves of.
I snuggle a little closer, fitting myself into the lines of my lover's
body. It is here that I have found a sense of peace and contentment
that has never been known to me before. This is my partner in all
phases of my journey. She is wife, lover, friend, and hopefully soon,
mother of my child. My breathing matches hers and as with all other
things in our lives, we are joined together as one.
Elaine Brown and her lover recently moved to Colorado from Anchorage, AK.
She will be attending college here hoping to become a nurse/midwife.
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POETRY _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

INTENTIONS
It was not my intention
to tell her how much
like a rose she appears .
Pink petals falling
no actually flowing around her
and after rain, heavy with wetness,
she springs back tall opening her tiny perfections to the sun
like offerings.
It was not my intention
but the words filled the pause between us
like laughter. Rising from that same place
within and waiting.
Mary Lou Sanelli, Port Townsend, WA

Woman's Way __________________________ ___ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

19

POETRY _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

A MATTER OF CHOICE
Conception occurs
The cells began to multiply.
A potential life starts to form.
"I can not have a child."
"I will not have a child."
''What can you do for me?"
The plea is heard over and over
The days, weeks, run together
The phone keeps ringing;
The women keep coming.
After the arrangements are made-After the decision is settled-After the informed woman leaves-What can I do for me?
I need to return the spirits
Of tiny potentiality to the Goddess.
I must bum a candle
Say a prayer
Give a blessing
Say goodbye.
The ceremony must be performed.
Unwanted children must not be born.
Neither will they depart ungrieved
Nor ever thought of again.
The small spirit returns
to the Goddess.
A better time awaits
A time for rebirth.

REVIEWS

REVIEWS

THE ELEMENTS
HEALING IMAGERY AND MUSIC; DANA
HARDEN

"The Elements" is a marvelous tape
that includes breathing practices taught by
Hazrat lnayat Khan, founder of the Sufi
Order of the West. As the breath is an indicator of our thoughts and emotions, it can
also be used as a tool to facilitate higher
consciousness.
In this creative approach, dynamic and
provocative music is combined with the Purification of the Breath technique. This practice works on the five elements-Earth,
Water, Fire, Air, and Ether-which are the
constituents of the entire universe within
and without. Explicit instructions are provided to take you on an inner journey to
harmonize mind, body, and spirit.
Provide yourself with a quiet comfortable space for 45 minutes, relax and allow
this innovative, instructional music guide
you to inner, unexplored spaces of harmony
and wholeness. Enjoy.
Rabbi David Moshe is a Rabbi, licensed
acupuncture physician, and a teacher of Yoga,
Chi Kung, and Tai Chi Chuan, with a
practice in the Ft. Lauderdale area, and can
be reached at 305-565-6897.
This review was reprinted InnerSelf
Magazine, Hollywood, FL,
1-800-923-0730
* See ad inside front cover for order
information on this and other tapes.

Enjoying Woman's Way?
Subscribe now!
See inside back. cover
for details.

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20

RECORDING

Dr. Chris Northrup is a doctor of obstetrics and gynecology whose practice includes
non-traditional healing methods. She is the
co-founder of an all-female health clinic, an
assistant clinical professor at the University
of Vermont School of Medicine, former president of the American Holistic Medical Association, and author of the book Women's
Bodies, Women's Wisdom .

Listening to Dr. Northrup's tapes is akin
to walking down a garden path and becoming
reacquainted with the familiar fruits of
knowledge and new blooms of discovery. She
speaks one on one with you as if you were
having a chat. These tapes are, however,
much more than a chat.
Her style encompasses story telling, information giving and suggestions. This, as
well as her ability to intertwine many diffuse
subjects at their roots and tie them all together with relish, makes her very easy to
listen to. But not all at once. There is too
much information here to digest in one gulp.
One tape at a time, and then think about it,
would be my suggestion. Dr. Northrup gently
guides and supports you into a new way of
thinking about your body and mind being
integrated with responsibility and choices.
Sandy Scull, Boulder, CO

The Cal

You've

Been
Listening

Margie Needles Wullschleger

AIR

WOMEN'S HEALTH , CHRIS NORTHRUP,
M . O . , FIVE CASSETTES, A SOUNDS TRUE

& LYNN MARLOW, GOLGANOOZA

PRODUCTIONS, BOULDER, CO*

The time of the child-Loved and cherished.

In dealing with the abortion issue, I found
myself faced with the dilemma of my own
spiritual feelings about the disposition of the
spirits of the potential lives which would
not be born. This poem was the result of my
deep inner searching for the peace I feel in
giving women a choice about their
reproductive lives, which includes abortion.
The poem speaks to me of the continuation of
life, whether born now or at a later time.

CREATING HEALTH: WOMEN'S BODIES.

For.

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Woman}Way _____________________________

THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

REVIEW

REVIEW

ANCIENT MOTHER

JOURNEY TO JOY:

A COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUAL MUSIC FROM AROUND

A GUIDE TO ENJOYING YOUR EMOTIONS; MADELINE DEMER,

THE WORLD; SPRING HILL MUSIC, BOULDER, CO

VESPER PUBLICATIONS, TAMPA, FL

If you celebrate the goddess and delight in clear, pure, feminine
voices singing sacred songs, the album "Ancient Mother" is for you.
This anthology of goddess/earth-mother songs presented by
Robert Gass features the vocal group "On Wings of Song," and a diverse group of soloists recorded at some very unusual locations.
Noirin Ni Riain sings the beautiful, gaelic "Mary's Keen" in Glenstad
Abbey, Ireland. Brook Medicine Eagle chants the Native American
"Nah Bvey Hi-ay" deep in an ancient ceremonial cave in Montana.
A wide range of musical styles reflects the multi-faceted, multicultural, but at the same time, universal nature of the ancient
mother. Songs such as "Ancient Mother" and "May the Circle be
Open" arise from the contemporary goddess/pagan movement. "O
Viridissima Virga" by the medieval Christian mystic Hildegard de
Bingen evokes the lush fertility of the earth-mother. Natural sounds
such as water, ocean and crickets help connect the music to the global ecosystem we all share.
Goddess worship still thrives in some of the cultures represented. Nurudafina Pili Abena, a master of African sacred drumming
traditions, performs "Yemaya," a traditional Yoruba prayer. Auntie
Edith Kekuhi Kanaka'ole chants the traditional Hawaiian "Puna is
Dancing."
While the wide variety of traditions makes the album sound a
little disjointed on the first hearing, it grows on you. The extensive
cover-notes about the performers and the songs are an added gift.
One doesn't need to be a goddess devotee to treasure the album; it
will appeal to lovers of folk and ethnic music too.
Annie Prevost, Denver; CO

ON WINGS OF SONG & ROBERT GASS PRESENT

A N C I E N T
M 0 T H E R
A COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUAL MUSIC
FROM AROUND THE WORLD
With special guests:
Z. Budapest (Hungarian)
Nurudafina Abena (Yoruba)
Brooke Medicine Eagle (Native American)
Kay Gardner
N6irin Ni Riain (Irish)
Auntie Edith Kekuhi Kanaka'ole ( Hawaiian)

These potent and primal
songs of Herself so beautifully
rendered, stir the heart with
memories of who She is and
where she may be found."
- Dr. Jean Houston

To order send $12.00 per cassette or$ 18.00 per CD ( shipping is included) to:

M

Spring Hill Music

Emotions affect every area of our lives. In this era of self-help,
as we seek to gain greater happiness and fuller control of our lives,
Madeline DeMer, a psychology teacher and freelance writer, offers
us this fascinating, easy-to-use, spiral-bound workbook that actively involves us in an exploration of our deepest feelings.
Ms DeMer (appropriately named "of the sea") explains that
our emotions are like a vast sea upon which we, like Columbus,
must steer our ships, searching for our happiness through uncharted waters, avoiding rocks and sandbars, surrounded by the
flotsam of our own emotional debris, avoiding the temptation of
landing on the nearest shore (security) before fully exploring other
areas, and ending our adventure only when we find "that golden
treasure with our name on it-joy, happiness, and peace of mind!"
Each of the eighteen chapters deals with another emotional
area. We learn about ourselves through carefully worded questionnaires accompanied by delightful, amusing illustrations, numerous
examples, and suggestions for follow-up meditations and activities.
Through such questionnaires, we learn to separate our child
self from our adult self. We look in the mirror to measure the way
our emotions are etched into our features - mouth turned up or
down? Eyebrows arched or drawn together? Eyes sparkling or
moist? We examine the way we express emotion ... the words we
use, the gestures we make, the way we communicate our emotions
to others. We examine our need for security and how it can effect
our emotional health. We explore the relationship between emotions and physical health. We study our need for alcohol, our need
to cry, our emotional cycles. We chart our desires and see what
they tell about our state of mind: a new car (freedom, power), a
gourmet dinner (wealth), a wonderful relationship (love and acceptance), a healing (feeling relief and order), our desire for sex and
fame, and so forth. We learn how our basic attitudes and perceptions shape our emotions and actions - and what is shaping our
own destiny right now. Then we measure the extent and depth of
our emotions, charting our own course of action, determining our
own personal destiny. We even take a look at the effect of past
lives on our emotions today.
DeMer's book guides us in transmuting our negative emotions
into gold. In the end, the final measure, our own answer to the
question, "Am I happy?" tells all!
Bonnie Iris (Silverstein), portrait artist and freelance
writer; spent 14 years as an editor of how-to art books.
She now lives and works in Boulder; CO.

Journal writing worlu;hop~ & eta~~~
ba~szd on l:{athlszszn '(idem~· book JOO'RN116

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Joannsz Ziszr
Cszrtifiszd ln~truetor
303-465-4958

P.O. Box 800, Boulder, CO 80306
Telephone orders accepted at 303.938.1188

Free catalog available

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH oF EMPOWERMENT

21

REVIEW _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

AFRICAN WOMEN'S WRITING
CHARLOTTE BRUNER, EDITOR
HEINEMANN, 1993

In many anthologies of international
women's writing, a common theme emerges:
that women the world over are, to varying
degrees, under the big thumb of male domination. African Women'.s Writing is no exception. Though a slim and unassuming
paperback, this collection of short stories
speaks volumes about the lives of African
women-usually private and unheralded in
their own countries, and even less known to
the outside world.
A Western reader encountering for the
first time the quotidian realities of being female in Africa may find aspects of the experience disturbing and infuriating. The extent to
which many African women continue to participate in their own oppression is particularly incomprehensible to their Western
"liberated" sisters.
Not that the searchlight of feminist consciousness doesn't illuminate these women's
stories. On the contrary, most are singularly
focused on the plight of females - from the
very young to the quite old- with regard to
gender roles, class and the expectations of
family, community and religious or governing
authorities. A few authors write joyously of
breaking the chains; of professional accomplishment; of gaining self-respect; of their
affirming friendships with other women.

Taken together, these stories present a chorus of modem African women's voices, their
concert a chronicle of changes - and
struggles-across the vast continent.
Taken singly, however, the stories differ
as much as do the 14 countries here represented. Editor Charlotte Bruner (a former
comparative-literature professor at Iowa
State University) divides Africa, for literary
convenience, into western, eastern, northern
and southern sectors. Between these regions
and even within them, the characters vary
considerably: a middle-class, professional
Kenyan married to a "gentleman" who beats
her; a veritable slave-wife in Senegal who
uses "magic" to help herself conceive; a desperate-for-love Algerian paralyzed by modesty; a plucky, impoverished South African
grandmother determined to save her grandson from the demons of homelessness.
The voices in this chorus differ not only
in the myriad realities they express, but in
how they express them. In fact , the quality of
some of the writing is questionable, at least
by Western conventions - although it is
impossible to know if the fault lies in the
originals or in the translations. For example,
in "Mother Was a Great Man," Nigerian
writer Catherine Obianuju Acholonu is
highly informative about the Orlu and
Umuma people, in particular their customs
regarding marriage and the acquisition of
status. But the writing resembles the straightforward, unsophisticated narrative of, say, a

fairy-tale. Since the same is more or less true
of all the West African writing here, it may
represent a fashion.
However, Cape Verde writer Orlanda
Amarilis breaks with this plodding style in
"Disillusion." Told as the inner musings of
an unnamed mulatto woman on her way to
work one foggy morning, it outlines a predictable, disappointing life of not fitting in, of
loneliness and detachment. As bleak as the
story is, the writing is enlivened by the injection of incomplete sentences and unexplained secrets.
South African Sheila Fugard (wife of
playwright Athol Fugard) contributes the
highly imaginative "Lace," written as a memoir of a now-elderly woman who had been a
fanciful girl ravished by lace, which to her
represents beauty, love and hope. In the
course of a few pages the woman's tragic life
unfolds-her young son dies, she murders
her husband, is confined to a mental institution for 20 years, and is now old, alone and
"prepared for great freedom."
Freedom and its opposite form a continuum throughout African Women'.s Writing.
Underlying the stories themselves is the implied freedom to be writing them. African
women writers, asserts Bruner, are no longer
"isolated voices crying from a wilderness."
Even in countries where religious strictures
are seemingly iron-clad, more women are
contributing to the new literature of Africa.
Pamela Polston. Reprinted with
permission from Toward Freedom

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Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

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RELATIONSHIP SPECIALISTS: Learn how to develop and honor
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_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ THE PATH OF EMPOW~MENT

REVIEWS

HUMOR

EATING OUR HEARTS OUT:
PERSONAL ACCOUNTS OF WOMEN'S

THERE'S A HOLE IN THE
SIDEWALK

RELATIONSHIP TO FOOD ; LESLEA

(THE STORY OF MY LIFE IN 5 CHAPTERS)

NEWMAN, ED. ' CROSSING PRESS , Pus.

I am so excited about this anthology that
I feel compelled to spread the word about it.
Newman has compiled a group of poems,
letters, and stories that are wonderfully
crafted: humorous, evocative, and powerful.
She has placed them in an artistic framework of photographs celebrating women
which serves as a visual introduction to each
section of the book.
A wide spectrum of women (cutting
across sexual, religious, and racial lines) are
given an equal forum; their voices are imbued
with an honest clarity that challenges me to
continue to examine my own inner process.
Topics covered include anorexia,
bulimia, and overeating, and the accompanying feelings of isolation, shame, and fear
which they often engender. However, the
tone of the book is upbeat. I closed the last
page with a renewed desire to embrace my
life in all its manifestation.

Chapter One: I walked down the
street. There's a hole in the sidewalk. It's a
very deep hole. I fall in. I'm helpless. It isn't
my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 1\vo: I walk down the same
street. There's a hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in .... again. I can't
believe I'm in the same place ... but it isn't
my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three: I walk down the same
street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I
see it's there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. But
my eyes are open and I know where I am. It
is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four: I walk down the same
street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I
walk around it.
Chapter Five: I walk down another
street.

Claudette Mary Moloney, Boulder, CO

To Everyone, From: Elaine Lane, Atlanta,
Georgia. Reprinted from Mother To Mother,
newsletter of Mothers Without Custody.
Thank you, Elaine!

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Vnique audio experiences to enhance your creativity and healing ...
Secrets of Eternity

The Elements

EXPLORE

•

THE
Healing Imagery & Mu1lc
Nan-ation by L)llln llijili Marlow
Music by Dana Harden

THE ELEMENTS:
HEALIN(i IMA(iERY, AND MUSIC

Dana's evocative music and Lynn
Bijili Marlow's imagery and
breathing suggestions guide you
on a journey through the
landscapes of your soul-through
the elements of Earth, Water, Fire,
Air and Ether.

LANDSCAPES
OF

YOUR
SOUL
with

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PANAHAltO(N

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Gui<.k<l lmagcry. MU$ic& Myth

from Will~m Ul-akc's /JIJ(Ji of Mil1tm
by Dana Harden

SECRETS

OF

ETERNITY

An original soundtrack for a
condensed version of
William Blake's epic
mythological journey of
integrating our masculine
and feminine selves, and
becoming a whole human
being.
Cassette (SOE003l, 93

. Dana Harden's melodically and
rhythmically- charged compositions
are "sound-tracks for the psyche"
and come out of his innovative
healing work as a music therapist
in Boulder, Colorado.
TO ORDER:
For each tape send $1 D , $1.50 S&H to

Golgonooza Productions
PO Box 19614. Boulder'. CO 80308-2614
303-530- 7617

ETERNITY'S SUNRISE
Experience the rich,
improvisational musical tapestry
of ancient Sufi and Sephardic
melodies, expressed by the harp
of Polly Mahoney and Dana
Harden's synthesizer.
Cassette (ES 004), 61 min.

THE ELEMENTS
WILD WOMEN AND MADMEN
A live digital recording of five passionate
performances of stories, poetry and
music: featuring P.G. Palmer, Billie
Patton, John Jesitus, Lynn Bijili Marlow
and Dana Harden.
Cassette (WWM005l, 75 min.

INSTRUMENTAL SOUNDTRACK

An even more ecstatic,
instrumental-only performance
of THE ELEMENTS soundtrack.
Cassette (EIS002l,44 min.

Wave oJWomen
Conunn _______~
Editorial
Letters
Interview
Kathleen Adams
Prose
Fireflies
Stumbling Through
Issues
Domestic Violence
Health
Columns
Mother/Wife
Asteroid Goddesses
Journey to the Center
Relationships
Lavender Column
Poetry
Wave of Women
Ancient Vision
Dark Night Longing
She Was There
The Campfire
Intentions
A Matter of Choice
Articles
The Candidate

2
3

12

Journal Entries
Faces and Butterflies
Garden Therapy
Humor
Ann Reichner
Hole in the Sidewalk
omen in Prison Project
Project Update
's Story
no Concerto
~ e
s
0 is Simonsen
ice Bernat
Suzanne Ghiglia
Wahaba Heartsun
views
Creating Health
The Elements
Ancient Mother
Journey to Joy
rican Women's Writing
ating Our Hearts Out

14
17
18
25

6
6
9
9
5
7
11
19
20
20
21

21
22
25
24

The cover art was drawn by A ice em , inspired by a "vision" I had. I saw ancient,
medieval, Victorian, pioneer women, of every size, shape, color, and age. Their bodies
formed the path itself, leading to this point, one woman, each of us, and the future
before us, and in our daughters and granddaughters. -LM
Woman's Way is a quarterly publication
dedicated to establish a sacred space for
self-discovery and self-expression. We intend to support women's creativity and selfexpression by offering the space to read and
write about our lives. In this way we hope to
foster individual growth and healthy community. We want to support, nurture, heal
and empower women in the community at
large, by giving women an opportunity to
acknowledge and tap the resources within.
We wish to take an assertive - as opposed
to a victim or blaming - approach to our
problems and challenges in life.
We encourage women's unique way of
knowing and being in the world - believing
that a feminine approach to spirituality and
life in general is necessary for us to be
healthy individuals and create a healthy
society. We are particularly interested in
offering previously unpublished writers an
opportunity to share their work. We also
print excerpts from women's personal journals to help overcome the sense of isolation
that many women feel, as well as to acknowledge the feminine principle that "the
most personal is the most universal."

Woman's Way is distributed throughout
the Boulder/Denver area and is now also
carried by three national distributors.
Lynn Bijili Marlow
publisher/editor
Alice Bernat
production designer
B. McDonald
business manager, advertising
Elsie Goosen
accounting
P.G. Palmer, Jyoti Wind,
Elaine Brown, Helena Mariposa,
Marilyn Hough and Chuck Schmitt
columnists
Mailing Address:
P.O. Box 19614, Boulder, CO 80308-2614
(303) 530-7617
DEADLINES

Fall '94 issue - August 31
Winter '94 issue - November 30

Waves of women
Side by side
Shoulder to shoulder
Hand in hand
Heart to heart
We stand
Stepping through time
Wave upon wave
Over and over
Each wave rising, cresting,
flowing
Over the shore of
Oppression and lies
Doubt and fear
The tide comes in
The tide goes out
Washing away the grains of sand
That seem to stand in our way
While the undertow sucks them
back to sea
To be taken into the shell
One by one
Until a pearl is born
Wave upon wave
Grain upon grain
Shell after shell
Pearls together
Alone in our shells
Mother daughter mother daughter
From ancient priestess to
corporate lawyer
Amazon queen to single mother
Witch to bag lady
Sappho to Maya Angelou
Who ever questions that the
ocean lives forever?
Lynn Bijili Marlow

In Our Next Issue:
The theme will be Passages, featuring an
interview with Julia Cameron, author of The
Artist's Way, The Spiritual Path to Creativity

Future Issues of WW
In upcoming issues, our focus will be breast
cancer. Please send us your letters, journal
entries, poems, stories, and artwork on this
theme. Reviews of books on this topic are
also welcome, as are resources for women
dealing with breast cancer.
Woman's Way is also planning to publish
two issues on Feminism. In the first, we will
focus on the history of feminism, in the following issue we will explore where feminism
is now. Please write to us and let us know
what you think of feminism. What is your
definition of the word? Is it meaningful to
you in your life now? Why or why not?

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

1

EDITORIAL

CJJear :f'riends

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - LYNN BIJILI MARLOW, E D I T O R - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

Months ago when considering themes for our upcoming issues, I
came up with thriving for this summer-our first anniversary issue.
Little did I realize at that time how appropriate that theme would be.
As you can see, we have grown from our initial twelve page newsletter
of last summer to a 28-page magazine! All in one short (but busy) year!
I believe that fits into the category of thriving! So in this issue of WW
we come together to celebrate the bounty of our womanhood.
In the past, I have often gotten together with my women friends
and shared "war stories" and "breakthroughs." Certainly it is supportive to share our feelings, often of grief and anger, and the trials of our
process of healing. However, more and more I and many of my
women friends who have spent many years healing from incest
and other childhood traumas are moving from that phase into
celebrating the fullness of our lives.
Hopefully, it offers a ray of hope to those who are still in
the heart-breaking work of plowing weed infested, rocky
fields, that some of us are sowing new seeds of healthier
lives and others are now reaping the harvest. Some are
even blossoming into the fullness of our lives, finding joy in
being our natural selves and re-seeding the fields by sharing
the wisdom of our hard-earned experience with others.
Some of the seeds of our early years that were planted in
dark, often barren soil, neglected by lack of water and sunlight,
still managed to sprout. These delicate sprouts then had to face the
challenge of surviving drought, cold winds, and heat waves. Amazingly
enough, many of us did it, although some may have felt like small
sprigs of green that, against all odds, emerge out of the cracks in city
cement, alone and unsupported by anything or anyone in our environment. Life has an amazing capacity to prevail despite obstacles, although it doesn't always feel that way. We have survived! Now, having
learned the art of farming ourselves, we treat the seeds and sprouts of
the abundant innate qualities in the garden of our natural selves tenderly and wisely. And Lo! The garden is flourishing!
I am reminded of the story, recently reproduced as a beautiful and
touching film, The Secret Garden. The young heroine, an abandoned,
neglected orphan, discovers an abandoned and neglected garden.
Through her vision, rebellious, tenacious spirit, and love, she brings
herself, others who are wasting away in grief, loneliness and despair,
and the garden to flourish. She is a role model for all of us, I believe.
Throughout this past year, I have been reclaiming my own secret
garden, owning my knowing and my voice. I've been discovering solid
support deep within my own body, allowing my roots to probe deep
into the fertile soil I have been cultivating for many years. Listening to
our bodies, our intuitions, is a revolutionary act. Most of us have been
raised to listen only to outer authorities.
With WW coming out, spreading across the country, being interviewed by newspapers, having some of my writing published in national magazines, I find myself shedding an old, long out-worn identity.
I recently told a reporter who was interviewing me about our Women
in Prison Project that I had never felt listened to as a child. As I said
this, she was writing down my words and the little tape recorder was
capturing each syllable, cough, sigh. I had to laugh. It is hard to continue to believe that I am not listened to under these circumstances.
Still, it is not easy to "forget" those times and to remember that it
is different now. But with the passing of time and hard work, these patterns grow fainter. Like an ancient tapestry, they have faded, becoming
more distant, quieter, haunting me less and less frequently.
Change is usually slow, within and without. Within, I see myself
and others shifting patterns and beliefs. Without, I see glimmers of
change. Slowly amid the stagnant pools of conservatism, continued

2

abuse, and economic inequality, women are taking on new roles.
Hillary Clinton is a healthier role model than most of the presidents'
wives to date. Her role in the presidency is, if not revolutionary, certainly different enough from her predecessors' to be encouraging, offering us a glimpse of the future. With her, the possibility of a woman
president begins to come into focus.
When I look at the books being published by and about women I
am also heartened. However, when I look at the choices in women's
magazines available on the mainstream market, I am less encouraged.
I'm tired of standing in line at the check-out counters and seeing 'plastic' women and articles on fashion and homemaking. I'm always relieved when I see MS magazine there, a symbol of
sanity amidst the Walt Disney fantasy world we are expected to believe is real. Out of boredom and a morbid
sense of curiosity, I sometimes glance through the wonder world of wonder women on the smorgasbord, usually next to the M&Ms and Hershey bars. Occasionally,
I see articles on health and diet, but for the most part
these high gloss, high profile magazines have little if anything to do with me or my life.
These magazines set up a false standard that
women are supposed to aim for. They try to convince us
that all women are supposed to have a certain size and shape
breast, wear certain length dresses, the 'in' color and style. We are
tricked into believing that all women are like these models, and we feel
bad about ourselves if we are not.
We see photos of "super-mothers" at their computers with the
phone in one hand and a small child on their lap, all dressed neatly
and everything in order. We feel badly about ourselves when we don't
live up to these images. We feel so bad, in fact, that some of us will go
to almost any lengths, expense, pain, and health risks, to change our
image and behaviors to fit in, including cosmetic surgery, breast implants or reductions, and excessive dieting.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to recover from the loss of
self-esteem that is the natural consequence of all the messages we get
from society. Once we wake up and realize the ruse, we are faced with
the catch-22 task of filling the vacuum that has been created inside of
us from the external referencing we have been taught. It is a major feat
to be aware of and change the "Doctor tell me what's wrong, fix me"
approach to life, to risk going into our emptiness, confusion, the "forbidden" territory of our bodies to find the truth that resides there. And
often when we do take this risk, we run headlong into disapproval and
discouraging responses from others.
All the contributors of WW are pioneers in this work and hope
that our offerings support this process. We also hope that WW will be
one of many magazines on our newsstands that reflect back to us and
express to society the beauty and power of the many facets of women.
We want WW to be a "real magazine for real women," including a variety of body types, personalities and lifestyles. We invite you all to
imagine along with us how it would be to go to a grocery store and see
magazines that feature women like yourselves and have articles and
stories that discuss the topics you discuss with your friends.
So welcome to WW! May you find a piece of yourself in the images and words offered here. If not, send us yours.
About the Publisher/Editor
Lynn Marlow is a writer living in Boulder, CO. She has a master's degree in
Jungian Psychology/counseling. She has been in private practice as a bodycentered psychotherapist doing massage, breathwork and counseling for
sixteen years. Lynn facilitates women's retreats and workshops. Contact her
at Woman's Way if you would like to arrange an event in your area.

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

LETTERS------------------------,
L___ _ _ _

rourWords ____~

Dear WW
I just got done reading WOMAN'S WAY and immediately went
to my journal to write down the thoughts it inspired. Thank you for
talking with me the other day and for sending the magazine and
sample issue. You've really got something here and it's inspired me
to continue with my women's sports magazine idea.
I especially enjoyed your intro and the interview with Christina Grof (Winter '93). But most of all , I think the Women in Prison
project is a great support for women. I once did a story for the
Santa Monica Newspaper when I was a budding reporter on a
women's prison up in the Santa Monica mountains-a group of
I oo women chosen from state prison-went to forest fire "camp"
every summer to help fight forest and brush fires in the summer. It
was very prestigious for the women to get into this particular prison
"camp" and they were quite proud of their achievements. Unbeknownst to most Southern Californians, if it weren't for these incarcerated women firefighters, their homes would probably burn down
every year. For the story, I went on their daily 7-mile morning run
through the mountains, lifted weights, etc., and had lunch with
many of the women. The interview was intriguing and the story
made front page of the culture section that month.
If there's anything I could do to help with the Women in
Prison Project, perhaps help with the journaling part, please let
me know.
Kathleen Gasperini, Boulder, CO

ELENA GIUUNI
M.A. Somatic Psychology
Cert. Practitioner of Body-Mind CenteringTM

Creating a bridge between symptoms and insights.
Exploring body awareness.
Healing painful and addictive patterns.
Experiencing choices.

Call for free consultation:

DearWW
I want to thank you for your publication .. I especially appreciate your including journal entries. I always find myself going to my
journal after reading WW. Perhaps someday I will be ready to
share some of my journaling with you and the readers. It's a big
step to come out of the closet with my journal writing. Seeing others do it is inspiring and gives me courage.
Susan S., Cambridge, MA
FROM INSIDE

Dear WW
I need to tell you that both I and my fellow inmates feel WW
is a fantastic representation of what & who we are. I feel women
are often pitted against one another in competitive form by
society's rigid rules of performance. This occurs both in the job
force & in relationship terms, & so forth. We need to find our connected ground through the oneness of our life-forces & the natural
empathetic traits we have instilled within us. Your newsletter is a
positive approach to link us back together in unity, as our women
in tribal cultures of antiquity once lived.
I passed WW around to certain close companions of mine before submitting it to the library for all to see. Also, one of our librarians made a poster with information concerning the newsletter &
article submissions. Woman's Way is becoming quite popular around
here. Hopefully many will be inspired by the articles in the Winter '93
issue & will submit some work of their own for the next issue. There
are talented, & unfortunately tormented souls within this fortress. Yet
when humans are confined & uprooted from normal human experience they often produce & express their best mental works. Sometimes it's the impetus that strikes the deepest innermost part of their
being. It causes them to find portions of the answers to those ultimate
questions to life, "Who am I, & why do I exist?"
Thank you for sharing with me & my companions here at...
Christine

Spring Greetings Lynn and Woman's Way Staff,
I trust this letter finds each of you there well - if there is a Hell,
I'm certainly there already - get the message?
Please understand that I cannot afford the $3 you require for a
sample copy but I do wish to submit my story to hopefully get published, Lynn.
It is PAST TIME, that free world women like yourself realize
that the Jean Harris story is a country club type and a myth when it
comes to reality.
Some prisons are nothing less than oppressive environments
which are operated by people who would have fitted in quite well
at the nazi concentration camps - get the message?
Myself/friends STOPPED getting up as soon as time was
called, why? Because we are tired of 'time' called at the whim of
whomever is standing meals and assumes everyone is finished eating. We non-violently protested by not getting up when time was
called. We are 'on tray' for 15 days. Oh well...
Lynn - also is there any one of Woman's Way who would care
enough to be my regular correspondent?
Lois
Ed note: If you are interested in corresponding with Lois or another inmate, please write or call WW for details.

(303) 449-5086
1722 14th Street, Suite 225-1, Boulder, CO 80302

Sen&,us y<,>Ur thoughts! Tell us about yourself and what
you'd like see in . ~ · A~dre~s lette7s to Woman's Way,
RO.Box
, Bould'er,CQ 80308··2614
'''<J:,,_

,·

.•.

..

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH oF EMPOWERMENT

3

l

coLUMN

uV[other/WifeluVle

POETRY

ANCIENT VISION

DEATH AND TRANSFORMATION

FOR BEVERLY ANTAEUS

~-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ P.G. PALMER _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~

In the dream, I asked my friend for a
gun, promptly put the muzzle behind my
left ear and pulled the trigger. I didn't die,
but it was hard to concentrate and not hit
people jogging on a highway where I next
found myself, driving a station wagon full of
children up the mountain. The car ran out
of fuel and slid sideways into some tidal
pools. In the pools I found bits of old jewelry and many-legged sea creatures that
were precious to me. An old professor gave
me some compressed gas and I managed to
put it in the car's tank and get back on the
highway.
This dream so disturbed me, I thought
of little else until I sat at my computer and
typed a dialogue between my self who
pulled the trigger and my friend who owned
the gun. I realized that part of me was
deeply angry that I planned to start working
on performance pieces for next year rather
than resting after two months of intense
dramatic work. (I had rehearsed several
times a week in March and was performing
every weekend throughout April in a Goddess Theater production.) My angry self was
attempting to kill off the analytical mind
and cause it to lose focus. This made me
aware that I was "out of gas" and needed to
refuel by recovering items of value from my
subconscious (the tidal pools). I immediately promised this furious self that I would
rest, and arranged a week off after the last
show with no evening appointments.
It was lovely to be just mom and wife
again, slipping my hands over dishes in
sudsy water, discussing school projects with
Sy and Mr. Bigg, spending quiet hours with
my husband.
But there were more death dreams to
come. A co-worker died, and I wept for her
husband; then the dream changed, and it

was my sister Cece who had died of cancer.
It changed again and I was arranging for my
new boss to be out of the office so he could
act as pall bearer for a sheriff on his team
who had died.
As I was writing the dreams down, I
abruptly remembered an earlier sequence
where I had saved a princess (my boss' concubine) when a "liquid bad guy" melted her
down inside himself. I had to pour them
both out, separate the colors, and put the
princess into a container that would solidify
her again. She looked like the cookies my
son Zig had made the night before, all run
together, with faint indentations marking
her limbs. In the dream, I re-ran a scene
several times where I actually escaped with
the princess by leaping with her from one
level to another, hitting the metal ramp hard
and rolling before dropping to a lower level.
I was impressed with this risk-taking and
wanted to see just how I did it.
A few weeks ago, I finally got together
with Ruth, a friend and fellow member of a
dream group. Ruth's gentle voice asked me
many probing questions about each symbol
in the dreams, and in answering her, insight
after insight flashed through me. Each death
refers to an aspect of myself that has died
and been transformed through performing
in the play just ended. The princess references my "half-baked" ideas for new performance pieces of my own. The "new boss" is
my developing intelligence guiding my career as a performance artist; naturally, he
values the princess and wants her saved.
Separating her colors from the "liquid bad
guy" is the process of discrimination as I
work on my ideas, struggling to give them
concrete form.
As I told Ruth all the benefits I had
gained from acting in the play, she pointed

Standing in my canoe -my Rainbow Witch -1 paddle kayak-style.
I am pre-dawn woman
strong as drumbeats
rhythmic as the undulating
flight of the heron;
arms reach up
and out and dip -each stroke
a poem
to the water.
Marilyn Del Clements,
Claremont, CA

out the similarity between these levels of
experience and the levels I had encountered
as I escaped with the princess. Ruth noted
that I need the princess with me in order to
take these risks, I need my talents and creative ideas.
When I can do this-unravel my night
dreams and integrate their images with conscious goals and visions, my fevered brow
unfurrows and I am made whole. The symbols in my unconscious mind give me the
courage and conviction I need to manifest
my ideas in the outside world. And by honoring the images created when I am asleep,
I send my subconscious a strong message
that it is valued, swinging wide a door that
once I may have feared to open.
P.G. Palmer has been writing all her life.
She is currently studying performance art,
creative writing, and C.G. Jung.

Ch
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4

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

PROSE

Fireflies

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THORDIS SIMONSEN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _---'

What could excite a child more than fireflies blinking in the
night? In the summertime, my family often ate dinner at Gramma
and Grampa Rownds' house. The sun had set by the time my sister
and I had finished the ginger ale Popsicles my grandmother had frozen for us--one cannot prolong eating Popsicles on a warm, Lake
Erie summer night. Not long after sunset, my mother and father
drove us home to bed.
Sometimes we were lucky and stayed at my grandparents' after
dark. Then my sister and I would catch fireflies-we called them
lightning bugs-in the back
yard. We would spot one and
then run toward it and eagerly
wait for it to light up within
reach. Then we would catch it in
cupped hands. Peeking inside,
we watched its mysterious glow.
After awhile, we let it go.
On occasion, we caught the
bugs in a lidded jar. Inevitably
some bugs escaped from the jar
when we removed the lid to catch
others. Eventually we were called
inside. We presented the wondrous lantern-it was the light we
prized, was it not-to the grown
ups who had spent the evening
chirping like crickets on the
screened-in porch.
Many times during my
childhood, my sis and I spent
the night with Gram and Gramp. We slept in twin beds in a spare
bedroom connected to one of three guest rooms by a bathroom.
While we bathed together in the tub, Gramma Rownd knotted one
end of a terry cloth hand towel for each of us; we took these dolls to
bed. In the morning we sat at the tiger-maple table in the pantry
and, in winter, ate ruby grapefruit while Gramma cooked cream of
wheat on the kitchen stove. In the summer she sat at the table with
us and ate a thin slice of Pepperidge Farm bread, buttered and
sprinkled with white sugar, while we each ate a bowl of Tony the
Tiger's frosted flakes. After breakfast my grandmother set up the card
table in the library and we three played canasta-a game she had
taught us when we were quite young. Or we went outside and she
staked the delphinium in her garden while we picked pansies or sat
on nearby flagstones and played Jacks.
We lived close enough to my grandparents that we saw them
frequently. One summer my family took a trip with them. The six of
us rode in their apple-green 98 Oldsmobile all the way from Cleveland to the Double Diamond Ranch at the foot of the Teton Mountains in Wyoming. Dressed in our straw hats, beaded belts, and
patterned cowgirl boots, my sis and I felt at home with the ranch
hands and blacksmith. Studded with distant stars, the vast Wyoming
night sky inspired even more awe than the fireflies blinking within
reach at home.
One morning my parents had gone trail riding, and my Grampa
Rownd had gone fishing. Gramma took Sis and me for a hike up the
mountain. Mud from the previous night's rain caused no problem on
the ascent. But on the way down my grandmother chose to descend
a particularly steep, slick section of the trail on her backside. Following her example, Sis and I sat down and merrily slid along the trail
behind her. Normally getting muddy was frowned upon in my family,
so this unusually uninhibited time embedded itself in my memory.

I recall no other time laughing gaily with my· grandmother. An
only child, she was orphaned in maidenhood. At twenty-one she
agreed to a marriage spearheaded by anxious relatives. My mother
was born within thirteen months, and my aunt arrived less than two
years later. How these factors shaped my grandmother's personality
and demeanor, I do not know. But the grandmother I remember was
sturdy, stiff, and a little stern. She probably seemed all the more so
alongside my ebullient Grampa Rownd.
This picture of my grandmother had become so fixed in my
mind that her appearance-the
last time I saw her-stunned
me. It was February 2, 1990.
We were in a stadium. When
she walked gingerly past me, I
glimpsed her face. It glowed:
open, soft warm, bright.
"Gram, what happened?" I
gasped. She walked briskly
down the steps ahead without
answering. I quickened my
pace and caught up to her.
"Twelve years ago," she said,
still walking. I caught up to her
again, and again I asked,
"What happened?" "Measles,"
she replied. And I woke up.
The evening I saw my
grandmother in my dream, I
had rigged up an easel to acThordis Simonsen
commodate a thirty-by-forty
inch sheet of paper in the workspace where I had been painting
once a week for three years. The two-by-three foot format I had used
until then was not spacious enough for the painting I wanted to do
now; I felt like a firefly trapped in a jar. The expanse of larger paper
seemed at the time as boundless as the Wyoming night sky, and my
soul journeyed afar when I swept my colors across it.
My grandmother escaped a nursing home where she had been
confined with Alzheimer's disease when she visited me in my sleep.
Ironically the Alzheimer's condition developed following her inexplicable, complete recovery from a terminal abdominal cancer that had
threatened her when she was sixty-one. On February 10, eight days
after my dream, Gramma Rownd donned wings and departed. She
was ninety-one.
Two weeks later, I went to a Jungian movement workshop I had
been participating in bimonthly for several weeks. My grandmother
had married a dancer, but did not dance herself. Like her, I felt inhibited, and I had joined the group to reclaim my dance.
No one else came to the workshop that week. Rather than dismiss me, the facilitator asked whether I would like to explore the
dream I had mentioned previously about my grandmother. When
she asked what had happened twelve years earlier, I associated most
strongly with the sabbatical year when I edited my first book, You
May Plow Here. The year of writing had been one of the most satisfying times of my life. Later I confirmed that I took the sabbatical in
1978, twelve years before.
When my facilitator asked me about the measles, I associated
the spots that characterize the disease with spots I had been incorporating in my paintings ever since a spontaneous painting workshop I
had participated in in October. For some reason, I especially enjoyed
Continued on page 10. ►

Womans Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

5

:f'rom Jail to Where?
SUSAN'S STORY
~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A S TOLD TO SHAARL MARI _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ J

The following is part two of an interview with a young woman who spent a
total of seven and one-half years in
prison. See WW Vol.I #4 (Spring '94)
for part one.
WW: Was there a single in~ident that you
can remember that may have conditioned
you mentally for your criminal actions?

Susan: When you condition people to
be a certain thing, once you start hittin' a
kid over the head, hittin' em with your
fists, hittin' em with extension cords, the
kid begins to wonder, is this life? A person,
you know, don't think about it, it's just a
set of circumstances. A set of circumstances is you got beat, a set of circumstances
is you're goin' to prison.
WW: Tell me about daily routines in
prison.

Susan: You wake up about 6:30 a.m.
and are on the job by 8:00 a.m. You have
counts, three times a day, where they have
to live count you to make sure that no one
has escaped. You have to be awake, up
and mobile, eyes open. You also have
three counts during the night-these are
the counts where they have to see your
face and make sure you're still breathin'.
Some people go to classes in the morning,
such as a GED class. You have job assignments. Some were dorm workers who had
to clean the toilets, strip and wax the
floors, etc.
We had 1V time which was on weekends and we had the choice of bein' outside or watchin' 1V. You had assigned
days for the 1V-if you missed your day
then you weren't in control of the 1V programs. Some people liked soap operas,
some liked westerns. You got into fights
about little petty things like who was goin'
to watch what. It was very serious and

people got hurt over things like this. I got
into a lot of trouble over the Tv. I was a
white girl in a majority of blacks and there
was a lot of trouble.
WW: Are there any classes taught in the
prison, art or music classes in addition to
GED classes?

Susan: Yes, there are classes. I didn't
have a good experience with them. The
teacher didn't take the time or she had too
many people with learning disabilities that
needed extra help to try and help me.
There's not enough help or not enough
volunteers. I didn't see that the teachers
had the gusto or get-up-and-go to really
want to help people.
I did take the art class and painted
three nice pictures. I saw a picture in a
magazine - it was a picture of a scarecrow
with a background of trees and little farm
house. When I saw the picture I said,
"Wow! I'd like to be able to paint that. So
the teacher showed me how to paint it.
That was cool!
WW: Did the guards show fairness
toward all of the inmates or was there
favoritism?

Susan: There was a lot of favoritism .
There was one girl who knew how to play
the system to her advantage. She was in
for a lot of years, but she was able to go
out to a local college for an education. Me,
I was in for six years, and I should have
been able to at least go out to a trade
school. Not everybody's goin' to want to
go to college. But I think if they were able
to send one out to college, they should
have been able to send some out to trade
school too.
One volunteer made a volunteer fire
department. He chose three girls doin' a
lot of time for this volunteer fire depart-

ment, even the girl goin' out to college. I
guess they got picked because the prison
didn't have to worry about them goin' anywhere after the prison had invested their
time and money in teachin' them CPR, etc.
WW: Was favoritism connected to sex
and drugs?

Susan: Well, there were two different
prisons. In the one prison, the guards were
powerful and good and they were logical.
They might have had their favorites, but
their favorites were people tryin' to do
right with their lives. Their favoritism was
toward people who cared about life and
cared about the human race as a whole.
Then there was the other prison where
very few of the guards fit that image. Their
favoritism was towards the ones that favoritism bought. You had male guards that
controlled your case loads and your paperwork. They controlled seein' if you were
goin' to the parole board or if you wasn't.
Their favorite thing was, 'Well honey, you
want to get on your knees and perform a
little sex act here.'
A lot of guards bring in drugs. Some
do it to turn a profit. Others want the exchange of sex favors for the drugs. One girl
I knew did sex favors for drugs, but she
was settin' the guard up to get busted.
That's how she got out the door. One girl
performed oral sex on a minister. That's
what he wanted. She got her freedom too,
and the minister probably got time because he got busted. That's what kinds of
favoritism goes on.
WW: What sort of bonding occurs between the women inmates and do these
friendships sometimes continue after they
are released?

Susan: With the black women, I'm not
really sure because I was locked up in the

WOMEN IN PRISON PROJECT UPDATE
Shaarl is in the midst of a major
healing process and has had to resign
her position as WIPP coordinator. We
wish her the best and extend to her our
deepest gratitude for all her help with
the program.
We also wish to thank Charlotte
Mears for her extensive and excellent

6

Womans Way

work in completing the Scientific and
Cultural Facilities District grant application in which we requested funds to
facilitate writing workshops in the Boulder County Jail.
Thanks also to all the pen pals and
women who have paid for gift subscriptions. We have received many letters of

appreciation from inmates.
Woman's Way is now offering
businesses and individuals the opportunity to have a 2" x l " listing in this publication for a $100 donation to the
Women In Prison Project, or 3 line Hsting
for $25. Call us if you're interested.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

south and a lot of them came from the
Washington DC area. They were a lot of
hookers. The main thing I always heard
from them was, "Yeh, I beat this white guy
and I robbed this white guy, and I did this
so I ended up defending my race." So
what! They was the same white guys
hurtin' me one way or another. And they
are the same white guys that hurt me today with job discrimination, with education discrimination and all those things.
So when I started realizing that, it became a common bond and I understood
where they was comin' from. The woman's
movement was a common thing.
Yeh, I made contact with them
but not so much as I should
have on the outside. They
wrote me while I was still
in. I didn't keep the contact like I should have
and the contacts that I
tried to keep with white
girls was hookers before
they came in and hookers when they went
out. They didn't care
about changin' their
lives even though they
said they would. They
dried out. When they
went out, they went
back to the drug scene.

fix

WW: Because of your
confinement in a small
cell, did you ever feel the need for personal counseling because it became unbearable day-after-day?
Susan: Yeh, but I didn't get it. This one

counselor was so goofy that I don't know
how she got the job. She didn't have any
of the experiences that I had. She didn't
have the gusto or inner strength to be
powerful and the most important thing in
prison is to have powerful women counselors that have inner strength, inner
strength that could tear down a brick
wall. You need someone to say, "hey, I
believe in these certain values and I will
help you to talk about your problems."
That's what you need in prison with the
counselors, not someone who thinks everything is a joke.
There's nothin' funny in prison and
nothin's a joke. Everything is very serious
and your life is on the line most of the time
because you don't know if that person in
that bed next to you is crazy or what
they're capable of doing. And if you were
like me, one of three white girls among 500
black girls, there was always danger.

WW: What was the most difficult situation you ever faced while in prison?
Susan: 1wo difficult situations at two

different prisons. At the one prison, I was
watchin' TV and this big black girl, about
four feet taller than me, wants to change
the channel. I say, "Whoa, wait a minute,
it's my TV night and I'm already watchin'
something!" Nobody changes it unless
there's a big majority vote to change it. Basically it was me and her in the room and
one other person who didn't care. I cared,
OK. The black girl changed the channel - I
changed it back. She went off on me
and I threw a pop can at her. She
comes at me, rips off my
shirt and tries to beat my
head in the ground. If
the cops hadn't come
to the rescue, I'd of

$54,000 a year. That
.
would be pretty comfortable. I
want to learn the trades, whether it's
painting, carpentry, landscaping, maintenance work, etc.
WW: What advice would you give
women who have been in trouble?
Susan: The first thing is that we should

all try to help each other to get an education, we'll never win without it. If a
woman wants to be a housewife, let her be
that. If she chooses to do something else,
an office worker, a construction workerlet her, help her. Rich people, poor people
have common goals. Bring those common
goals together to achieve the purpose that
all of us want.
WW: What kind of opportunities or help
is available to people such as yourself
who have come out of prison and are
looking for a job, starting life over once
again?

In some states, it's help with
education and job placement. So what we

Susan:

been tore up,
that's the bottom
line.
/
Another time
~
I felt my life was
threatened. There
f'
was this black girl weighed
about 40-50 pounds more than me.
She just didn't like little white girls or at
least this little white girl. She used to always pick on me and bash my head in.
Well, I'm still alive and I've still got my
brains. I'm lucky!
-:;: /,

V

WW: Did you ever lose your identity as
Susan, the person, and simply become a
number among the masses?
Susan: I was goin' to lose it after about

three and a half years, but I tried at all
times to keep my sanity. I wasn't goin' to
let them win, that's the reason why I escaped because I didn't let them win.
Maybe they won with their rules and
things. But I saved my sanity. They don't
care about you, you're just a number, not
an individual. They get their pay check
and that's all they want.
WW: Where is your life going now? Do
you have a goal in mind as to where you
really want to be?
Susan: Right now the first thing I want is

to have someone care about me and
someone for me to care about. I want a
caring relationship in a normal household.
Second thing I'd like is to make about

Continued on next page.

►

WOMEN IN PRISON
PROJECT
REQUEST FOR DONATIONS,
VOLUNTEERS, AND A NEW
COORDINATOR

Donations are being accepted for
the Women in Prison Project. The
funds collected go toward paying for
the production and printing costs of
the pages dedicated to the Women in
Prison submissions, operating cost of
the project - e.g. postage for correspondence, photocopying, long distance phone calls. Money is also
being collected to fund writing and art
workshops in the prisons.
A fund will be started to offer assistance to women getting out of
prison to help them get a new start.
Gifts of cash, specific goods, and services are needed.
Volunteers are also needed to
assist with correspondence to prisons
and inmates around the country to let
them know of the Women in Prison
Project. If you are interested in assisting with this, have suggestions for the
project, or want to volunteer in your
area, please writ~ or call Woman's
Way, PO Box 19614, Boulder, CO
80308, (303) 530-7617

Womans Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

7

coLUMN

I

cA"steroid goddesses
VESTA - THE ETERNAL FLAME

'--·_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ JYOTI WIND _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _~

Continuing in our series on the Asteroid Goddesses, we now
come to Vesta, indicative of the Vestal Virgins who took men
through their sexual initiation in the temples of old. She represents sacred sexual/spiritual devotions and brings the
moon energy into daily life for the everyday person.
Historically, Vesta was Goddess of the Hearth and
Keeper of the Sacred Flame. Altars, at the center of
each household, were dedicated to Her. Public altars,
where the sacred fire was tended, symbolized the cohesion of family and state and were dedicated to Her.
She embodied the epitome of honesty and faith,
sealing oaths and social contracts. Those tending
the sacred flame were called vestal virgins, priestesses of Vesta. "The essence of Vesta's original tradition consisted of the sexual rites honoring the
fertilizing and generative powers of the Moon Goddess which provided for a divinely blessed
rulership" (Asteroid Goddesses, by Demetra George).
In an astrology chart, Vesta provides insights
into our sexuality and how we express it, how we
may sublimate it into a spiritual devotion and/or artistic creative expression. She also speaks to us of focus
and commitment. In Pisces, for example, Her energies
need to be consciously harnessed, focused, and committed. In Capricorn, the creative energy is organized yet can
become rigid if not balanced with self-nourishment. And in
Leo, She needs a large arena to create, and Her sexual drive becomes sublimated into Her creative endeavors. Here, only arrogance would be Her downfall.
Vesta is a direct link between our sexuality and our innate purity, our Scorpio and Virgo parts. She reminds us that by saying no
to giving away our personal power and attention, and saying yes to

tending that sacred fla me in our own hearts, we, as women, move
beyond patriarchal modeling and into a new arena of evolution as
human beings.
Jyoti's response to a letter in the last issue:
Jean:
I'd like to reply to your letter. My work with the
Dark Mother has taken me into my own darker
realms, my own shadowlands. In that place I met
Her and embraced Her. Her touch and recognition
of me opened a new awareness of Her deep love
for me-the vigil She kept until our meeting. With
this embrace, parts of me long held separate became one. It is with great love and gratitude that I
speak of the Dark Mother, who leads us to places
inside we've never claimed. She patiently awaits
our willingness to embrace Her, and gladly guides
us through our own inner labyrinth.
The Asteroid Goddesses, though taken from
four separate dieties in Greek mythology, are four of
the faces of the one Goddess who lives in each of us.
The Asteroid Goddesses represent four aspects of the
female psyche: nurturance, intelligence, sexuality and
relationship. I feel they bring to light very succinctly
important aspects of our own being, which have lain dormant or distorted for a long time. These Goddesses can help
us remember and reclaim our true nature.
Jyoti Wind
Blessings,

Jyoti Wind is currently preparing a workshop, "Owning the Dark; The
Descent to the Dark Mother," facilitating the embracing of the feminine
Shadow. She is available for astrological readings at (303) 541-9106.

Continued from previous page.

need to do as women or as people on the outside for the people on
the inside getting ready to get out, is together to find those resources that are available. In some states there might be housing
resources available because a lot of times you get out and you've
got a hundred bucks, mar, and you've got no place to live. What's
a hundred bucks goin' to buy?
I know a woman who couldn't get out of prison because she
didn't have anybody to put her up for awhile until the prison could
find a Salvation Army so she could get on her feet. That's how desperate it is in these situations. It's very serious and it's very real.
What are these people goin' to do when they get out? They're goin'
to do what they know how to do. If they're hookers, they're goin'
back to bein' hookers. If they're robbers, they're goin' back to
robbin'. That's what they do for survival. It's very important to help
these people.
WW: If you could make a wish for anything in the world, what

would it be?
Susan: Well, I'd like to be on some island with a society of

people, be it women and men or just women, a society of people
where there ain't a lot of restrictions and able to be in the sun, on
the beaches and the mountains, where the people are free to do

8

whatever they choose to do. Everybody can work and do whatever
kind of job they want. There's not a racist thing, there's not a sexist
thing, an island just beautiful and green and free.
WW: You mentioned losing freedoms when you were in prison.
What were the ones you lost?

Susan: When I was a kid I was used to running the streets and

the mountain sides and hillsides-just me and God and nature. To
be able to get out in the middle of the woods or open space with
nobody around and worship God, the individual God that people
believe in. In a prison cell, I couldn't be in direct communication
with 'em because part of my God is the earth, the trees, the flowers, the water, things that I can feel and touch. Those are real to
me. If I can't touch it, feel it, see it or smell it, it's not real.
Losing freedom was important to me because I couldn't touch
or smell the grass. I couldn't pick it up and put it in my mouth and
taste it - it wasn't there. When I wasn't in Deadlock, and I was
able to walk the 100 acres of land it was very important to me because I got to feel the grass-it was real, really there. The dirt was
really there. I could pick a flower and chew the end of a grass stem
and, yeh, you get a piece of dirt too. It was real!! ♦

Womans Way - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

The Piano Concerto
~ - - - - - - - - - - - - D . J . CONAGHAN------------~

Seated in the visiting room in front of
the beautiful Baldwin Baby Grand Piano,
I long to run my fingers upon its pearly
white keys. I wait on the edge of my seat
fidgeting, trying to position myself so I
will be able to see the piano and the keys
perfectly when the concert pianist starts
to play.
I have knots in my stomach from anticipation and sheer excitement, wanting
her to be ushered in right at that moment
so that my need could finally be filled.
As time creeps slowly by, my anticipation and excitement continue to mount.
I look at the expressions on the other
peoples' faces as they sit and wait also I wonder if they are excited as I am?
Finally three people are ushered in;
I thought to myself one of them must be
her. She seats herself on the bench making
sure everything is just right. After what
seemed to be hours of waiting, the first
note is struck - I realize that she is telling
the beautiful story of life, love, pain and
the passion for my dreams to be fulfilled.
While the pianist's fingers flow freely
over the keys, I am continuously being
tantalized. I'm reminded of the freedom
that I possess within my spirit, that I can
soar above all things that are in my path
as obstacles.
As she finishes one piece, to go onto
another- I hunger for the next song to begin. I realize during those few short moments I've been holding my breath, not
knowing what to expect, hoping that each
song that is played would not be the last.
I am constantly being swept along the
path toward oneness with the music, nature, and myself in a dream-like state, not
wanting ever to wake up.
As she plays each piece, I know that
everything she is feeling while playing, I
am feeling too. My eyes cannot leave the
pianist or her fingers, while she is playing
- I am captivated - I am held spell-bound.
My ultimate passion is to fulfill my
destiny. My destiny is to be a Musician,
just like this pianist, to express how I feel
through the music I play. I long to feel
every note that I play, to put meaning to
the notes on the pages. _
As she plays softly, and slowly, and
gently- love, happiness and inspiration
well up within my soul. Upon her finishing
the piece I realize I'm crying - not because
of sadness, but because of complete joy.

The next piece she plays is rather
different. It is being played loudly and
possessively - a constant reminder of the
way that pain, anger and fear hit my heart,
which is like a bolt of lightning hitting its
unsuspecting target.
Now as she plays Chopin it reminds
me of children frolicking in the sun on a
summer's day, with a light breeze blowing
through their hair. The piece is being
played with so much conviction, feeling
and life in it. It reminds me of my childhood, when as kids we would chase each
other in the yard for a friendly, fun game
of tag.
She plays the final selection by a Polish composer to its ultimate climax, bringing the performance to a sudden end.
I was so caught up in the oneness of
the performance when it all came to a
crashing end. I wanted this feeling of happiness, joy, love, and peace not to leave
me so I wouldn't have to come back to the
realities of prison life.
So I gave my appreciative applause,
and found myself asking her for an encore
to put off the end of the performance for a
few more minutes.
To a musician, feeling and playing
the music is like a seed taking root and
growing. I am an aspiring musician, longing and needing my seed to be fed and
nurtured so I can continue to grow.
When I came into prison I asked if I
could have my clarinet - my ultimate joy
with me as I do my time. But I was told it
was not allowed because it was CONTRABAND.

My clarinet is like my child; without it
beside me I am like a woman whose children have been ripped out of her arms.
My heart has been shattered into a million
pieces. I am breathing my last breath, and
my life is being drained from me.
The piano concert has continued to
inspire me to fulfill my destiny, my
dreams, regardless of the many obstacles
in my way.
Days after the concert, while sitting in
my cell, I am still savoring the passion and
the unforgettable flavor of the music that I
was feeling on the day of the concert.
D.J. Conaghan is an aspiring musician,
singer, artist and writer serving a
12 to 18 year sentence.

I(qtherine Power
~sponds...
DearWW.

Thank you for sending me the
issue of Woman's Way. I was excited to hear of your Women In
Prison Project, and hope to be gathering writings for you from women
here. The place is rich with stories,
with women's need to tell their stories
so someone will hear, pay attention,
perhaps understand. In the course of
a week I may speak with:
- a woman with the Virus, whose
T-ceU count is always Jess than
200, it has been as low as 0;
- a woman who picked up heroin
after six years dean, whose
lover of many years is dying
from AIDS;
• two women whose children were
adopted away from them just
that day;
- two women who gave birth in the
last two months as inmates,
who see their infants perhaps
once a week, more likely once
a month;
- one woman who is coming to
terms with the likelihood that
she will serve a sentence of
natural life, that is, that she
will never live as a free
woman aga4).
I help, as part of my being here,
these women to learn to write from
their bodies, from their pain, from
their vision place, to write with the
word T. They try it, they discover their
storytelling voice. I encourage them by
letting them know that there are outlets for publication, such as Woman's
Way. Thank you for being there, doing
your work.
Katherine Power
Katherine Power is serving time after
recently turning herself in for a
politically related crime committed
over 20 years ago. A poem by
Katherine was featured in the
Spring 1994 issue o(Woman's Way.

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

9

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in her book, Women Who Run With The .
Wolves, speaks of "The One Who Knows" that is deep within us. A
friend of mine says "my Knower knows." The idea is that each of us
deep within ourselves has "The One Who Knows" waiting to be heard.
I have found in my life that if I don't listen to that Knower She will do a
variety of things to make me take notice. I suspect it is true for all of us;
it is only a matter of whether or not we have heard this wise inner
voice. Some of the things that She does to make us listen are bouts of
depression or a sense of malaise, difficulties with relationships, illnesses, and accidents.
For me, She raised Her voice loud and clear in 1988 when I was
teaching Mathematics at Metro State College and CCD, career counseling, tutoring, doing graduate work in Mathematics, and helping to
raise two teenage boys. I became ill in a way I couldn't help but notice.
My thyroid went out and I could no longer think as clearly as I was
used to which is a symptom of hypothyroid.
Now just because my Knower raised Her voice in such a manner
doesn't mean I listened carefully. I did cut back on teaching at Metro
and took time out from the graduate program, but the next semester I
was at it again. Finally my body kept upping the ante, and I found myself suffering from a severe backache, chronic sinus infection, weight
gain, hives and a thyroid that resisted regulation with the standard
medications.
So in 1991 I heard Her, truly heard Her. Something was not right. I
dropped out of the Math program at Boulder and cut back some more
at work. I began telling everyone when they would ask what I planned
on doing, that I was nobody, going nowhere, doing nothing. It left most
people speechless. Thank goodness! I did not want to hear how I was
making a big mistake giving up a program I was acing and on and on. I
had enough trouble fighting that doubting voice within myself.
I spent the next few years descending, stripping myself bare of the
multitude of personas I had acquired in the 40 years or so that I had lived
on this planet. I slowed down to the point where I didn't have to get sick
to hear the voice of my Knower. I followed Her wisdom and experimented with a variety of tools. Many of them helped bring me closer to
my center. I began to realize that I was the only expert on my Self.

Continued from page 5.
applying red spots. Innumerable spots of every color imaginable animated my paintings, and me. By acknowledging my writing and painting through her appearance in my dream, my grandmother encouraged
my creativity and the fulfiUment it generates.
Gramma Rownd had smiled on me in a way that life apparently
had never smiled on her; she had smiled on me in a way she had
never been able to smile on her own daughter, my mother; she
smiled in a way my mother, therefore, had not been able to smile on
me. My grandmother had communicated to my mother, and my
mother in turn had communicated to me the validity of creative selfexpression as a sideline, but never as a sustaining activity.
Although Gramma Rownd's light seemed to have expired long
before she took flight from the wheelchair in which she had slumped
for several years, her spark had continued to glow internally. Inextinguishable, it shines now in a Wyoming night sky, while word by
word, spot by spot, I free the fireflies bottled up in me.
Thordis Simonsen is a writer, visual artist, and storyteller. Thordis is the
editor of You May Plow Here: The Narrative of Sara Brooks (WW.
Norton , 1986) and author of Dancing Girl: Themes and Improvisations in
a Greek Village Setting (The Fundamental Note, 1991).

10

Womans Way

It was a radical change after a life-time of looking outward for
truth. I had gone to classrooms, therapists, self-help books, friends,
looking for the meaning of my life. Now I began an inward search. The
deeper I went into the darkness of my being, digging up things
about myself, the lighter I felt. I am not saying there weren't times of
doubt and fear, for there certainly were, but I began to get a sense of
who I was and what I was about. The descent was a long one but I discovered much like in Dante's Divine Comedy, the way up was down.
This process included discovering lost memories of physical as
well as emotional abuse. As you can imagine I had a lot of work to do.
One of the amazing things I did discover on this journey to the center
of my Self was that I loved to write and had been doing it since I was a
very young child. I began writing poetry and short story after short
story, and am presently writing a book on this healing journey.
My intent in writing this column has to do with reminding each of
us as well as myself that we do know; it is simply a matter of listening
to our inner voice and trusting ourselves. I am so thankful for my life
and all that I have learned that I would like to share some of the path
that I followed in hopes that maybe some version of that path or the
tools that I used would be helpful to you. As Louise Bogan said in
Poet's Alphabet: "... in a time lacking in truth and certainty and filled
with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of its
lost heart."
Through discussion of meditation, mandalas, rituals, myths,
journaling, Shamanic journeying and more, I hope this column will
help you to find the way to the heart of your Self. For I do believe, as
Jung did, that we each have a core Self that needs to be discovered.
He spoke of this in Psychology and Alchemy: "We can hardly escape
the feeling that the unconscious process moves spiral-wise round
a center, gradually getting closer, while the characteristics of the centre
grow more and more distinct." The most valuable jewel that one can
gain possession of is this center. Claiming that center is part of the
work of being human.
Helena Mariposa has been teaching mathematics at an
inner city college for the past seven years. She is now finishing
a book on the journey to the center of the self.

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SUZANNE GHIGLIA
(303) 443-6733

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

PROSE

I

STUMBLING THROUGH

~-_ _ _ _ BY CARRIE YONN - - - ~

There are days when the most productive thing I do is to get out of bed in the
morning. The making of art and the writing
of poetry have been my passions since being a wee one. Somehow this compulsion
to communicate rules what paths I walk
down and the doors I open.
Being creative is an in and out process, one that swirls us around until dizzy.
We are up and down people whose uptime
is connected divinely. Downtime is questioning everything that moves. Why am I
tied like a tether ball to these cycles? I am
noticing a pattern to my madness. Experiencing rotations both large and small. By
dating the paintings as to month finished,
certain months are emerging as more productive. These periods of waiting to replenish my vessel are necessary but depressing.
My energy slugs along not covering much
ground. I'm in a holding pattern viewing
myself, taking my pulse, checking my
breathing. At some point bubbles start to
percolate and the energy turns up a degree
or two. It is false labor, the ideas are not
born yet! Hopefully ideas are growing
and being watered once more, and I am
not a drying, parched desert. Society says
writers' block, past your prime, trying for
a comeback, or maybe just all dried up! I
tell myself I must learn to love these
times of gestation! They are a part of the
process too.
When I talk to my friends and they
ask "What's new?" I respond with "I'm
breathing," or "I'm doing life!" Actually I
watch a lot of movies, read and notice every little detail whereever I go. I'm not as
easy to get along with, either, which is
probably a nice way of putting it! Oh, how
I revel in those up times. I am quick to forget the feelings of why bother or who cares
anyway. The universe loves me again and
my soul expresses itself. I walk with more
spring instead of sproing, energy is a rushing spring creek and I am a paper boat carried along. Life is good again and I am
once more a juicy August peach!
I am grateful!
AKA Ann Reichner. Nederland, CO

"I sh,111 struggle. 11erh;1ps 'til
de.1th. tL, reg,1i11 the Sl'llse L,f
wlwk11l'SS ,111d rightness. whkh
\\'.is ri1111ed from me ,ll birth
(,111d subsequent Iv)."
- Lesley Saunders,
Glancing Fires

ILLUSTRATION----------

POETRY-------------

INSIDE THE SHAMAN TREE

SHE WAS THERE
ALL THE TIME

~..,~

iJJi

~\~

.

•
.1•

For years I didn't see her
Within this heart of mine
For years I overlooked her
Yet she was there all the time!
I'd look at other women
And wish that they were me
I'd look at them in envy
For what I thought I couldn't be.
Life kept me so busy
Running to and fro
That the one I knew the least of all
Was the one I longed to know.
And then a great discovery
(at least it set ME free!)
To find that what I sought in "them"
Was really part of me.
A strong and able woman
Would show up in my dreams
At quiet times I'd see her
In the reflection of a stream.
And as I got to know her
As I looked within to see
I found a special woman
Living deep inside of me.
She had the strength I so desired
The kind that doesn't tire
This fervent woman in me
Could set my world afire!

/
Suzanne Ghiglia. See her ad on page 10.

I thought that she was in their lives
And couldn't be in mine
Ah, the Joy of sweet discovery
That She Was There All The Time!
Ralene Friend © 1992, Creating Futures:
retreats and workshops for and by women.
Escondito, CA. 619-746-5680

POETRY

DARK NIGHT LONGING

Lately I have found myself, deep in the night,
Floating, Chagall-like above the bed and out the window
Slipping through bare branches, over the city I soar and dip
arms spread, eagle-like.
I travel through hour after insubstantial hour, alone and longing.
Like wisps of fog - longing.
Like smooth, thick cream - longing.
Like-saxophone wails - longing.
Like white gardenia petals - longing.
Like wood smoke in winter - longing.
Longing - womb deep finger tingling
mouth watering
Dark night longing
Victress Hitchcock

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

11

THE WAY OF THE
JOURNAL:

An Interview with
Kathleen Adams
by Lynn Bijili Marlow
Kathleen Adams MA, LPC is a clinical journal
therapist who teaches, writes and consults on the use
of reflective writing as a tool for personal growth,
spiritual development and emotional healing. Her
first book, Journal to the Self (I 990, Warner Books) is
considered a classic in the field. She is also the
author of a journal therapy workbook, The Way of the
Journal (I 993, Sidran Press) and the first journal
book for men, Mightier Than the Sword (I 994,
Warner Books). She is the founder and director of
The Center for Journal Therapy in Denver, Colorado.

WW

Why keep a diary or a journal?

K&,4'

Journal writing is one of the most reliable and
effective ways we have to stay in touch with
whatever's going on in the present moment. The journal creates a bridge between the past and the future. It
helps clarify angst, objectify drama, and heal trauma.
And it helps us know and remember who we are, so
we can celebrate the everyday joys and successes as
well as the major achievements.
WW Has there been any research on the benefits
of journaling?

Journal
writing is
one of the
most
reliable and
effe_c tive
ways we
have of
staying in
touch with
whatever is
going on at
the Ji110ment

K&,1' There are tons of individual testimonials to
the healing power of writing, but not much hard data.
Thank heavens for Dr. James Pennebaker, a research
psychologist at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. He's done some landmark work correlating writing
with the physiological benefits that come from catharsis. He had research subjects write for 15 minutes at a
time over four consecutive days about emotionally
difficult material, and their immune system functioning boosted up and stayed up for as long as six weeks.
That's a pretty powerful wallop for an hour's worth of
writing.
The way he explains_ it, it's hard physiological work
to "inhibit" - to keep things bottled up inside. The release that
comes from writing frees up physiological resources that can then be
used to fight infection and disease. Pennebaker has replicated this

12

WomaniWay

study with various other populations, including people
who had been fired or laid off ·from their jobs. He found
that those who wrote about their feelings -fear, frustration, anger, depression - were re-employed at a faster
rate than those who kept their feelings inside. And they
approached job interviews with more confidence.
WW It's like it helps a person digest the experience, whatever that experience is. What do you say to
someone who is just getting started?

K&,4'

I say, 'welcome!' And I suggest spending
some time developing a relationship with the journal.
Making friends with your journal is just like creating
any other relationship; it takes time to get acquainted
and build trust. Both literally and metaphorically, the
journal is an extension of the self.
WW How does a person build a relationship with
a journal?

K&,1' One of the first things is to find a journal that
you feel comfortable with. Computer, spiral notebook,
blank book, wide, narrow, or no lines; ball-point, felttip, fountain pen - it's up to you. These seemingly innocuous decisions can go a long way toward building a
journal relationship. Then you can start experimenting
with different ways to write.
My whole teaching methodology is based on the idea that there
may be months between entries. Then, might be weeks or months
when you write a lot. But I also don't think it should be left com-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

pletely to whim or chance. Sometimes it's helpful to have the strucwriting safe for people healing from deep wounds. I found that
ture and accountability of knowing you've got a plan. So pick a
structure, balance and permission were the keys.
game plan you can live with. Can you realistically find three pockets
I guess my rule of thumb is that I see the journal as a healing
of time every week? Pencil them into your appointment book. Maktool, and if it's feeling like a burden or a nightmare, then I work with
ing a date with your journal is a powerful statement about your willpeople to back it off so that it feels manageable and purposeful and
ingness to devote attention to your own life process. Usually after
safe. Not everybody responds the same way, and that's as it should
about six or eight or ten weeks of doing it regularly, the journal habit
be. A lot of barriers can be overcome with some basic teaching about
is established, and you can rely on your internal rhythms and pulses
how to maintain a journal environment that is inviting and safe and
to tell you when it's time to write.
protected.
Then, of course, there are times when daily writing
WW In your own journal do you experience times
is a useful discipline that offers important feedback and
Winter
is
when
it feels like it's not going anywhere?
continuity, like if you're in a program of spiritual or creative development, or you're working a 12-step pronot a
V
Oh, sure. Sometimes I bore myself silly.
gram, or you're adjusting to something new. When
Sometimes
I just wander around in circles and never
mistake.
there's a reason to write daily that makes sense to you,
come to resolution. Sometimes this is because there's
then that's a whole different story.
something I don't want to look at, so I just ask myself
the journal question, "What am I avoiding?" SomeWW Do you think journaling is good for everyone?
times it's because I'm in a gestation period, when I'm not yet wordV
Well, it's not a cure-all or panacea, and I've certainly seen
ripe. I had a meditation teacher who used to say "winter is not a
plenty of people who used their journals as an avoidance, or a way
mistake, " and sometimes emptiness needs to be honored and reto beat themselves up, or to justify choices that weren't especially
spected. Sometimes I'm not supposed to be writing - I'm suphealthy. There are some people that find journal writing frustrating
posed to be doing my dishes, riding my bike, talking to a friend, or
or demoralizing or generally more challenging than helpful. These
taking action instead of endlessly processing.
include people who don't speak or write fluently, who have learning
But if it seems to me like writing would be helpful, then I look
disabilities, who have physical disabilities like cerebral palsy or
for a fresh approach. I ask myself, what result do I want, and what
arthritis, schizophrenics and others with chronic thought disorders.
will help me get there? Sometimes it's a tool from my own toolbox
There are ways to help each of these groups express themselves
of techniques, like Dialogue or List of 100 or Captured Moments.
through the written or spoken word, but journal writing as we tradiSometimes it's borrowing a tool from someone else's toolbox. There
tionally think of it isn't necessarily the best route. Also, some
are lots of resources out there.
people are more oriented toward expression through art, music or
WW What do you have to say about the question of
movement than writing.
privacy?
WW What do you say to people who say, "I lack the disciV
I think privacy is non-negotiable.
pline to journal"?
Any journal writer has the absolute
V
I don't think it has much to do with
right to declare her or his writing
discipline. When there's a payoff or a benefit
off limits to anyone else and to
that makes sense to you, then the discipline
take whatever steps are necestakes care of itself. The key is to have joursary to insure privacy. And I
nal experiences that make you want to
also know that sharing can be
come back again and again because you
a very important part of the
like the outcome and it feels good.
process, as long as you're
sharing with others who
WW What makes people resist
will listen without judgjournaling even though they know it's good
ment and sometimes even
for them and even feels good?
without comment. There's
V
It feels to me like time is speeding
something about taking the
up. We all have to make choices about how
most raw, tender, vulnerable
we're going to spend our leisure and wellness
parts of your thoughts, dreams,
time. Sometimes journal writing just falls through
hopes and fears and hearing them
the cracks.
in your own voice in the company of
Sometimes people resist because they figure
compassionate others that is inherthey'll probably find out stuff about themselves
ently healing. There's a lot of magic
that they might not really want to know. The
and power in it. But the right to priPhotos: Carl Wets
beauty and curse of journal writing is that it litervacy always takes precedence over
ally lets you read your own mind. It can be scary to find out what's
the invitation to share.
lurking in the darkness of your own shadows.
WW What about people who think they can't write?
I spent two years setting up a journal therapy program for
women who had been horribly abused as children, and sometimes
V
I like to work with people who think they can't write, beas adults too. Everyone was dealing with excruciatingly painful
cause of course they can. Most of us carry around some
memories. These women were often afraid to write about their lives
woundedness about our writing. Sometimes it comes from having a
because the story wasn't supposed to be told, or because it was
journal or diary read without permission, which can feel as intrusive
simply too painful. That led me to investigate how to make journal
Continued on next page. ►

Woman's Way ____________________________ n:E PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

13

INTERVIEW, from previous page
and violating as being physically attacked. Sometimes it comes from
that stage in seventh or eighth grade when we're learning the mechanics of language, grammar, and internalizing the message that if
we don't put commas in the right places or spell words correctly then
somehow we're defective as writers and human beings. These experiences affect us deeply and for a long time.

WW

What can be done about this?

J<:&;f Permission, permission, permission! You
heal writing wounds by giving yourself permission to
write. This lets you update the old tapes that say "I
can't do this" or "this isn't safe." You can reframe
your old hurts and reclaim writing as a God-given
right. Then the wisdom of the psyche and soul just
pops right out. It's right there under the surface, waiting for permission to come through. People who have
the experience of writing with permission for the first
time have breakthroughs like, "My God! I've been
hanging on to these self-judgments all this time and
it just really wasn't necessary."

WW

WW

You talk in your first book, Journal to the Self, about "the art
of knowing" - how the journal helps establish a healthy relationship with self-esteem.

J<:&!f

At the time I was working with those concepts I was seeing
the role of the journal as an adjunct to personal growth and as a
gentle way of beginning to connect with all the different layers of the life process. It's interesting to go
back and visit my roots in this work because in the
past decade it feels like I've learned a lot about
deeper and more sophisticated clinical applications
of journal therapy. But there's something about beginner mind that I always yearn to come back to. The
simplicity and elegance of the journal allows us to
know ourselves better, love ourselves more and feel
more peaceful on the planet. People who know who
they are and who love and accept themselves have
no incentive to create or participate in unhealthy
behaviors or relationships. People who are peaceful
have no incentive to make war. The journal helps us
live peacefully within ourselves. ♦

Sometimes
emptiness
needs to be
honored
and
respected.

Do you see the journal as non-judgmental?

J<:&;f Ideally, yes. It's a silent witness that simply accepts and
receives. In a way it's a perfect mirror, I suppose, so if there's judgment it must be coming from us.

"With every act of speaking or writing, we push the
frontiers further, with every honest confronting of
experience we cross a boundary, tear back a veil,
discover new power."
- Lesley Saunders, Glancing Fires

JOURNAL _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

FACES AND BUTTERFLIES

I am on a journey. Ahead of me is a mountain. All around me is
nature's beauty: blue water, greening trees. I find a log castle in
beautiful, bright, multi-colored light and completely immersed in
green foliage.
And once in the castle, I walk down the cool, quiet hall to my
room, decorated completely in white. I soak in the tub, surrounded
by luscious green plants and wonderful, fresh, spicy smells. Leaving
my room, I feel rested and rejuvenated.
Then, I am offered a gift. I accept a small box covered in beautiful white embossed iridescent paper with a matching bow. This gift is
as light as a feather. And, I discover a scroll stamped with gold wax,
a "J"- my initial -written in graceful calligraphy.
I am guided outside to the bright light around the castle. And I
see a wall; no, it's a dome of tangled, dead vines. I wait patiently...
wait ... just be ... wait.
The vines unravel, untangle. And there are faces: women's
faces, beautiful faces. Each is different, all colors, all ages. But these
faces show agony, fear, worry, tears. I wait and watch, then, slowly
and carefully offer my gift. And soon each FACE becomes a BUTTERFLY - each one is different in shape, color, size. Each one is so
beautiful and bright that soon a bright, golden light surrounds us all!
I quietly leave. The guard whispers, "Touch!" and gives me a
butterfly kiss, lightly on my cheek. I leave with my gift and scroll in
hand, caressing my kissed cheek, feeling calm and serene within.
The gift within the beautiful white embossed and iridescent box with
matching bow is revealed-MY SELF-ME!
As I open my eyes, out my window, the wind has just started to
blow, a wren is singing a storm! And my wind chimes sound!
Joanne Zier, April 1993, written using a technique called
"Guided Imagery" for the first time, and at the time deciding to
become a teacher of journal writing.

14

Woman's Way

ALife Change is as Close
as your Fingertips
• Journal therapy groups
• Workshops
• Individual brief therapy
• Home-study instructor certification
• Hospital/agency consulting
• Clinical trainings
• Faculty appointments
• Residential retreats

The
Center
for
Journal
Therapy

Kathleen Adams, MA, LPC,
Founder/Director
Author, Journal to the Self
The Way of the Journal
Mightier Than the Sword

The Center for Journal Therapy
Dept W-1 • PO Box 963
Arvada CO 80001
303-421-2298
fax 303-421-1255

Call, write or fax for current schedule and complimentary newsletter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

M_a_t_io_n_a_1_c_o_a_l_it_i_o_n1§.~7::_D_o_m_e_s_t_u_Vi_w_l_e_n_c_e____~

·~1SS-U-ES_ _ _ _

Domestic violence is a problem that affects women of all ages,
races, classes and lifestyles. Research has found that half of all
women will experience some form of violence from their partners
and that more than one third of all women are battered each year.
Recent findings by the Surgeon General reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15
to 44, more common than accidents and mugging combined. For as
many as four million women, this battering is so severe, they require
medical or police attention. And for 4,000 women each year, this
abuse ends in death.
The effects that violence in the family has on children are
equally as devastating. Each year, over 3.3 million children in the
United States, between the ages of three and seven are at risk of exposure to parental violence. In 1992 over 1,200 children died as a
result of physical neglect or abuse. Yllo and Bogard, in their research, estimate that 70% of all men who abuse their partners also
abuse their children.
Domestic violence or battering is a pattern of coercive control
that one person exercises over another. Battering is behavior that
causes physical harm, arouses fear, prevents the other person from
doing as they wish, or forces the other person to behave in ways
they do not wish to. Patterns of abuse and battering can develop
gradually over time and can include verbal, emotional, psychological, physical and economic abuse. It can also include violence towards pets and damage to property. Abuse can be very obvious, but
is often very subtle. The following is a list of warning signs to assess
whether you are a victim of abuse.

He beat her 150 times.
She only got flowers
once.

Does your boyfriend, husband or partner do the following?
• Tracks where you go and what you do.
• Frequently accuses you of being unfaithful.
• Discourages your relationships with family and friends.
• Prevents you from working or going to school.
• Criticizes you often for little things.
• Gets angry and loses control easily when drinking or
using drugs.
• Controls all finances and asks you to account for every
cent you spend.
• Humiliates and criticizes you in front of others.
• Is cruel or hurtful to household pets.
• Destroys personal property or sentimental items.
• Hits, punches, slaps, kicks or bites you or your children.
• Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
• Forces you to have sex against your will.
If any of these things are happening in your relationship, now
is the time to look at your options and seek assistance. There are
over 2,500 programs throughout the country providing services to
battered women and their children. NCADV can assist you in getting information about domestic violence and accessing resources
in your community that provide safety and support. NCADV serves
as a nationwide communication link representing an active, diverse
and powerful network of more than 1,300 coalitions, programs and
individuals throughout the country.
NCADV's central office is in Denver, CO (303) 839-1852.
Membership Services and the Public Policy Program are in Washington, DC (202) 638-6388. A Conference Office is in St. Paul, MN
(612) 646-3512. Other NCADV services include:
• National Directory of Domestic Violence Programs
• Domestic Violence Awareness Month Activities
• Information Packet, Information and Referral Services
• Publications, The Voice, NCADV's journal and the
NCADV Update

Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten in this country.
For as many as four million women, this battering is so severe, they require
medical or police attention_
But for nearly 4,000 women each year, the abuse ends. They die.
Help us end domestic violence. Your donation can make a difference.

CALL 1 900-STOP ABUSE
(1 900-786-7228)
$10.00 PER CALL
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
P.O. Box 18749, Denver, CO 80218-0749, (303) 839-l852

Through the support of individuals, corporations and foundations NCADV continues important work in the areas of information
and referral, networking, public education and awareness, advocacy, public policy, and training.
Recently, NCADV started a 1-900-STOP ABUSE donation line,
a new use of 1-900 technology to raise money for important social
concerns. Callers receive statistics about domestic violence, an
overview of NCADV services and a contact number for further information. Ten dollars is charged to their phone bill, the proceeds supporting the services of NCADV. This line enables NCADV to reach
people in their homes with important information about domestic
violence, while providing an easy mechanism for those who want to
make a difference by making a minimal donation.
It is the responsibility of each person to take steps to end violence in their home and community. You can do your part by seeking help if violence is a problem in your life. You are not alone and
there are numerous avenues for seeking help. Call NCADV for a resource in your community.
If not personally experiencing violence, you can have an impact on the problem by getting involved in assisting others, speaking out on the problem, or supporting services and programs to end
violence in the family. There are numerous opportunities to volunteer and get involved at both the local and national level. Call
NCADV today to find out how you can help stop the violence. ♦

Woman's Way _____________________________ TH~ ?ATH oF EMPOWERMENT

15

HEALTH

POETRY

WHAT CAN WE DO TO ENHANCE OUR HEALTH

THE CAMPFIRE

over us, tree trunks are split by shadow and white firelight
half-drained into an ocean of night time.
The spiral music, the circle of faces around the fire,
the moonsliver between black leaves, these exist
All that remains of the forest, the world,
is my belief
the drumbeats are woodsmoke invocations
We have drawn this circle unconsciously
and tonight we've eaten the shadows.
I have night vision. I hear the waves-dragons swim that ocean
whispering that they have always been there
they would reveal more--multitudes-I know their watery stare
I try to remember how to listen
but this is only saltspray and smoke. This circle is riddled
with the forgotten.
Cynthy Kaufman, Boulder, CO

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303-399-8978
16

What are some basic things which we need to cultivate in order
to maintain a high level of energy, health and enthusiasm in our
lives? As women, we often find ourselves in the caretaker role. It is
essential that we take very good care of ourselves. Five basic principles come to mind: nutrition, creativity, simplicity, self reliance and
balance.
A woman's intuitive knowing/wisdom is of the earth and has a
quality of sanity that has nothing to do with the relentless ambition or
doingness reflected in our modem culture. Rather it has a quality of
timelessness and nurturing. We need to trust and honor our intuitions, even as our culture chooses to ignore this way of knowing. Intuition is needed more than ever in an increasingly out of kilter world.
We should allow ourselves to fully and creatively express our
many unique talents in the world. The more that we can joyfully express ourselves, the healthier and more abundant our energy flow.
Creative expression feels like play. Our work in the world can feel like
play when we love what we are doing.
Keeping it simple has greatly helped me in my life. I try to practice doing just one thing at a time, keeping my schedule and my goals
focused on what is most important in my life, what brings me the
most happiness. I practice applying this concept to how I spend my
time, energy and money. If practiced, this one concept can dramatically reduce the stress in our lives.
Self reliance has traditionally been very important. Ironically, it is
more important nowadays in a world where we are surrounded by experts and increasing specialization in a very high tech medical world.
How are we to make sense of the unending information and opinions
coming at us in this "information age"? We can go to a health practitioner for help, but we are our own best expert. Being self reliant means
practicing preventative medicine - eating a simple diet low on the food
chain, exercising regularly and listening to our bodies.
Finding balance in today's world is a big challenge. Creating special time for ourselves, the time and space to reflect upon our lives, is
difficult with the many commitments in our busy lives.
Global concerns are daily front page news, and we are challenged to transform some of the basic ways in which we live. We are
beginning to experience the pressure of a rapidly increasing global
population on the carrying capacity of the environment. Nevertheless, our quality of life can be very high when we can feel attuned to
the earth. and to others, and can feel grateful for all that we have in
our lives.
When I experience intense emotional conflict and high stress for
an extended period, I usually get sick or experience physical pain.
Most recently I experienced this level of stress when my father died. I
spent almost two weeks in Houston taking care of both my parents
and being with my father as he died. When I returned home, I was
exhausted, had chest pain and palpitations, experienced night sweats
and very erratic sleep. In addition, my body had gone back into an
old familiar pattern of severe muscle pain especially in my back and
legs. My body felt very out of balance.
What brought me the most peace was meditating every morning.
After two weeks, I was back to normal. One night the full moon shone
very brightly into the bedroom window and I felt profound joy, peace,
and awe. My dad's death taught me so much.
In upcoming issues I will cover diverse topics on women's health care
including menopause, the prevention and treatment of breast disease
(including breast cancer), PMS and other menstrual disorders.
Molly Greacen, Dip/. Ac., Registered Acupuncturist, practices in Boulder
and specializes in women's health care. She offers acupuncture, Chinese
herbal medicine and dietary counselling. She has been practicing since
1982. She can be reached at (303) 546-0987.

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

ARTICLE

THE CANDIDATE: REFLECTIONS ON CAMPAIGNING

As I began this, I thought I was just going to share with you
my recent experience running for elected office but, some other
thoughts come to mind as well. I have before me an editorial cartoon that sorta captured the moment. It depicts Ed Rollins as a dog
rolling on his backside and Governor Elect Whitman scratching
and fleas flying all around. The caption says "(S)he that lies with
the dogs, rises with fleas ."
Harsh but a semblance of truth. As I think more about it, and
my own recent and limited experience in politics, it occurs to me
that we must really be about a new way of being political. It was
interesting to observe the political rhetoric of male candidates and
female candidates during my campaigning activities. Rather consistently when speaking off the cuff, women referenced the building of community while the male candidates spoke of balancing
the budget and making things work better. I reference this not to
imply one is better or more valid than the other but to suggest the
need to be attentive to both perspectives which are critically important to a whole and healthy community.
There were several times when I had an 'opportunity' to decide to do or not to do something which might garner a few more
votes but would require some mean-spirited statements, in my
opinion. I chose not to associate with such statements and feel
now in retrospect, this was the right thing to do. I attribute no lost
votes to this decision .
Another 'opportunity' was to face up to a sense of 'self-importance' that sorta creeps in when you're not looking. It was very
gratifying to be in the company of female candidates for whom
winning was not all-consuming. It was also a very grounding expe-

rience in the company of women where we could at least broach
the subject and laugh at our folly!
More than anything, the experience took the edge of fear
away. That fear of entering some sacred territory where permission
to be there is tentative. Once you break this myth (often of our own
creation) it can never have the same grip.
Emily Friedman in an article she wrote for Health Care Forum
Journal states it much more cogently. She says "...fears block
progress, collaboration and justice."
I was not elected by 52 votes. I was encouraged however, by
the hundreds who did vote for me and let me know their agreement
with my platform and their hope that I would be a candidate again
in two years. Running for office was a statement I needed to make
for myself which says I have a stake in what happens in my community and I can make a difference.
The clearest and strongest message however, was a restatement of something I have always known which is, change comes
from the inside out. In these troubled times we must be willing to
listen and to act from our highest self giving up the luxury of being
victims or victimized. We can affect positive and meaningful
change in our communities, whatever constitutes community for
us, through personal clarity and introspection. Campaigning for
public office is a piece of cake. Calming inner fears and speaking
from the heart in settings that do not yet fully value dissimilar
people or perspectives, that was the real challenge. Overall, a
very satisfying and growthful experience. I highly recommend it.
Mary Madison, Westminster, CO
Written after a city council election run in
November 1993.

THE FOURTH ANNUAL

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or Ann Marie Shannon (515) 382-3178

Today I planted carrots and peas in the rain. The mud oozed
through my bare toes, warming them. There is a kind of miracle involved in dropping a little, brown, shriveled-up seed in the earth and
watching it sprout, grow and then flourish. Sometimes my trees and
plants are shelter for a mother bird and her brood, other times they
are food for butterflies. Gardening has some similarities to life in
general. Through the risks of gardening, I have learned to open up to
my own creative process. Sometimes I am not sure if the weather is
right for planting, so I call upon my inner knowledge. These are the
hazards of gardening:
Crop failure , hail storms, wind damage, drought, seed rot, poor
germination, snails, slugs, horned worms, weeds, overcrowding,
aphids and many others.
It is not much different than life. In order to live in the world, I
subject myself to challenges and risks every day. Sometimes I feel
like a shriveled-up brown seed, devoid of creative energy. Other
days I bloom and grow. As I try growing something, I observe how
the plant needs love, fertilizer, nurturing, water, and sun to thrive. As
I dig in the earth, I think of my grandparents who depended on the
soil for their own lives. I try something new every day. I remember
that I need many things to grow: risking, nurturing, loving and crying. Every spring, the renewal begins and blooms into summer.
Linda Slater is a licensed counselor in private practice
in Westminster, CO. She also facilitates groups for women
facing the challenge of middle-age. 303-429-5020

Woman} Way _____________________________ n:E PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

17

COLUMN _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

RELATIONSHIPS

Thriving
MARILYN HOUGH, M.A. AND CHUCK SCHMITT, M .A . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

Chuck and Marilyn: This is the second in a series of articles on exploring the full potential of your relationship. In this article we will
examine thriving relationships, what they are and how you can have
one. Our definition of thriving is to participate fully in life, both as a
person and as a couple. We're excited about this concept because it
has changed our reality about what a partnership can be, namely a
place where one can thrive as an individual within the relationship
AND as a couple. Our personal lives and our relationship have flourished as a result of this new way of being. What we continue to find as
we look at successful relationships is the idea of responsibility, taking
responsibility for one's life and everything that happens in it.
Most couples tend to relate in one of two ways: they either try to
protect their respective positions or learn from them. Protecting is usually done to safeguard ourselves against pain or fear. We protect our
position by defending our viewpoint without allowing room for
another's ideas. This could include a situation as simple as the correct
way to load a dishwasher or as complex as buying the right home.
When we choose to relate by defending or protecting, we avoid personal responsibility and become victims. We feel we have no say in
the situation and simply react. The result of this form of relating is usually a power struggle, boredom, lack of fun, distance, or fighting.
Leaming, on the other hand, has many components. It includes
taking responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and actions; recognizing that others do not always share our viewpoint; and finding out why
we react as we do in a given situation. Dr.'s Paul and Margaret Jordan
in their book, Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You, ask two
essential questions: ''Why is it so important for me to get my way or be
right? What fears, expectations, or beliefs lie behind my feeling threatened or irritated?"
Chuck: It is important for me to be right and get my own way because
my definition of giving in is losing. I feel good when I win and bad
when I lose. If I have to give in all the time then I am in a losing relationship and I have lost my power. As a man, power means everything
to me. For example, I have been in relationships where I would always
give my power away because I was afraid of dealing with my partner's
anger. I would meekly accept whatever my partner said in anger because I didn't want to make waves. As trite as it seems, I had to get in

Ann Relchner
Nederland, CO

18

Woman's Way

touch with my own feelings of anger before I could feel safe being with
another's anger.
I can trace this back to the age of nine when my father started
traveling. I was given the responsibility of being the head of the house
with seven younger siblings. I was always taking care of my brothers,
sisters, and mom's needs while mine were being ignored. In this way, I
learned to accommodate others and swallow what I wanted. This affected all my relationships as I had learned to give in to what my partner wanted without voicing my needs. I felt powerless. As a result of
choosing to notice recurring patterns in my life, I learned that I have
problems with other's anger. Recognizing this, I can choose to respond
differently. If I own what I am feeling I can be there while my partner
rages, knowing that it's something she needs. This no longer triggers
my feelings of not being heard nor does it give me the feeling that I am
losing. By using this method, I have regained my power and I can still
meet my partner's needs. We have both won.
Marilyn: I find that I get most irritated with people when they don't
live up to my expectations. My expectations about people are that
they are trustworthy, they have an innate sense of integrity and fairness, and they are true to their word. When this is not the case, I become irritated and disappointed. I grew up in a family that did not
share my beliefs. My mother, having grown up in an environment
where she was continually disappointed, held the strong belief that
given the opportunity, people will disappoint you every time. I constantly fought this belief and tried to prove her wrong. Apparently I
hadn't fully resolved my conflict with these opposing beliefs, as they
were manifested further by my ex-husband. He made a habit of making promises that he did not keep. I was so busy reacting and being
disappointed, I didn't see that I had choices. I played the victim. All
my energy was used up feeling sorry for myself.
Between my mom's beliefs and my experience with my former
husband, I've had a difficult time balancing what I want to believe
with how I've lived up until now. Presently, my original beliefs are getting stronger. Now, when I choose to relate by learning (instead of reacting), I can see that I have choices in every situation that arises.
When I find myself becoming disappointed with my partner, I can ask
myself: Is this feeling from the present situation or from the past?
What is my part in this misunderstanding? What do I want? In this
way I respect both myself and my partner. We both learn about ourselves and one another. We begin to heal old wounds and feel more
whole and empowered.
Chuck and Marilyn: As we've seen, learning always includes the
other person and accepting the situation in which we find ourselves.
Acceptance is the key to taking responsibility for your life. It's all a
matter of personal choice. The results of choosing to relate by learning
are greater self-esteem, more self-confidence, heightened personal
freedom, and greater intimacy in our relationships. This happens because we stop trying to control and blame others. We take full responsibility for what occurs in our lives and attempt to make conscious
choices about how we want to fulfill our desires.
When you begin to use your relationship to learn about yourself,
you can experience more happiness and the feeling that you are actually creating your life. Your relationship grows because your partner is
getting to know you at much deeper levels. This is the true meaning of
a thriving relationship and the place where real intimacy begins.
Marilyn Hough, M.A. and Chuck Schmitt, M.A. are psychotherapists with
combined experience of 29 years in the human potential movement. They see
both individuals and couples, their main focus being relationships. They can
be contacted at (303) 441-5993. Please call for information on their
upcoming seminar, How to Grow A Relationship.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

THE LAVENDER COLUMN :

A LESBIAN P E R S P E C T I V E - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ,

~I__________________c/l
_~

My lover lay next to me, her warmth blending into mine. I can
hear the tiny whisper of her breathing and know she is fast asleep. My
thoughts begin to flow like the curve of her body, one into another,
smoothly forming into the next. I let myself drift on the tide of semislumber. I recall when my life had taken such a drastic tum.
I was married when I met Jennifer, a co-worker whom I'd admired
considerably. I asked her out for coffee
one day, thinking she would tum me
down flat. I was as startled by her
acceptance as she was by my offer.
She was always very reserved at work and was seldom outwardly social.
Through the next several months, Jennifer and I
found a common bond. We shared our stories of sorrow
and heartache. We laughed and we danced. By the time
Jenney came out to me I was already very much in love
with her. I teased her unmercifully, watching her beautiful eyes tum from gray to green to blue.
I knew in my soul that this was who I was to spend
my life with. My marriage had allowed me to see that
society's standard of the American Dream did not always
include a man, a woman, two kids and a dog. Even
though it was painful and confusing for my husband, he
gave me the divorce I requested.
Jennifer and I have been life partners since. The transition has not been difficult per se, though I have felt a little
lost sometimes. My hardest lessons seem to be those I inflict
upon myself. In some ways, I do not feel gay or lesbian, yet I am no
longer "straight. " I feel caught in the middle somewhere -a place, I
think, where a lot of us end up.

Nan ·.. ·. . Ann Da. · . :M.A.

:•:•:•:•·

: f!fi
i__e
_________________~
I have gone through a stage where I have been so angry I wanted
to scream. I was angry at the straight people for their assumptions and
phobias that they put on my life-style. I was angry at the gay people for
hiding and making it so difficult to foster any type of link with them. I
was mad at Jennifer for already having been through this and knowing
the answers. Most of all, I was mad
at myself. Mad because of the confusion and doubt that I had begun to feel.
The anger is fading now as I realize
that while I am different, so is everyone else. I
was so caught up in stereotyping myself, that I was
failing to look beyond the exterior and into the
lives of the friends and co-workers surrounding
me.
In all actuality, the friendships I have made
are very positive, from the married woman with two
kids to the religious, right-wing man to the woman who
has also shared a same-sex relationship. Instead of judging
me on whom I sleep with, they consider the whole person.
As I, it seemed, was failing to do for them.
I have learned in these last two years that titles are only
that. Whether I am a lesbian or bisexual or "Jenney-sexual" does
not matter so much anymore. I am happy in my relationship with
my self and with my lover and I don't feel I need to be anything
except the best person that I can be. Even then, I am allowed to
slip sometimes.
Jennifer and I are making very positive changes for the future, including the process of attempting to have a child. We both
know that this is very controversial in both the straight and gay communities, but the wonder of bringing a child into the world far surpasses the problems that may arise from co-parenting issues. It is
something that we both have dreamed of, and while the path is long
and tedious, the reward is what we keep reminding ourselves of.
I snuggle a little closer, fitting myself into the lines of my lover's
body. It is here that I have found a sense of peace and contentment
that has never been known to me before. This is my partner in all
phases of my journey. She is wife, lover, friend, and hopefully soon,
mother of my child. My breathing matches hers and as with all other
things in our lives, we are joined together as one.
Elaine Brown and her lover recently moved to Colorado from Anchorage, AK.
She will be attending college here hoping to become a nurse/midwife.
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POETRY _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

INTENTIONS
It was not my intention
to tell her how much
like a rose she appears .
Pink petals falling
no actually flowing around her
and after rain, heavy with wetness,
she springs back tall opening her tiny perfections to the sun
like offerings.
It was not my intention
but the words filled the pause between us
like laughter. Rising from that same place
within and waiting.
Mary Lou Sanelli, Port Townsend, WA

Woman's Way __________________________ ___ THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

19

POETRY _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

A MATTER OF CHOICE
Conception occurs
The cells began to multiply.
A potential life starts to form.
"I can not have a child."
"I will not have a child."
''What can you do for me?"
The plea is heard over and over
The days, weeks, run together
The phone keeps ringing;
The women keep coming.
After the arrangements are made-After the decision is settled-After the informed woman leaves-What can I do for me?
I need to return the spirits
Of tiny potentiality to the Goddess.
I must bum a candle
Say a prayer
Give a blessing
Say goodbye.
The ceremony must be performed.
Unwanted children must not be born.
Neither will they depart ungrieved
Nor ever thought of again.
The small spirit returns
to the Goddess.
A better time awaits
A time for rebirth.

REVIEWS

REVIEWS

THE ELEMENTS
HEALING IMAGERY AND MUSIC; DANA
HARDEN

"The Elements" is a marvelous tape
that includes breathing practices taught by
Hazrat lnayat Khan, founder of the Sufi
Order of the West. As the breath is an indicator of our thoughts and emotions, it can
also be used as a tool to facilitate higher
consciousness.
In this creative approach, dynamic and
provocative music is combined with the Purification of the Breath technique. This practice works on the five elements-Earth,
Water, Fire, Air, and Ether-which are the
constituents of the entire universe within
and without. Explicit instructions are provided to take you on an inner journey to
harmonize mind, body, and spirit.
Provide yourself with a quiet comfortable space for 45 minutes, relax and allow
this innovative, instructional music guide
you to inner, unexplored spaces of harmony
and wholeness. Enjoy.
Rabbi David Moshe is a Rabbi, licensed
acupuncture physician, and a teacher of Yoga,
Chi Kung, and Tai Chi Chuan, with a
practice in the Ft. Lauderdale area, and can
be reached at 305-565-6897.
This review was reprinted InnerSelf
Magazine, Hollywood, FL,
1-800-923-0730
* See ad inside front cover for order
information on this and other tapes.

Enjoying Woman's Way?
Subscribe now!
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for details.

ABORTION INFORMATION & REFERRAL

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20

RECORDING

Dr. Chris Northrup is a doctor of obstetrics and gynecology whose practice includes
non-traditional healing methods. She is the
co-founder of an all-female health clinic, an
assistant clinical professor at the University
of Vermont School of Medicine, former president of the American Holistic Medical Association, and author of the book Women's
Bodies, Women's Wisdom .

Listening to Dr. Northrup's tapes is akin
to walking down a garden path and becoming
reacquainted with the familiar fruits of
knowledge and new blooms of discovery. She
speaks one on one with you as if you were
having a chat. These tapes are, however,
much more than a chat.
Her style encompasses story telling, information giving and suggestions. This, as
well as her ability to intertwine many diffuse
subjects at their roots and tie them all together with relish, makes her very easy to
listen to. But not all at once. There is too
much information here to digest in one gulp.
One tape at a time, and then think about it,
would be my suggestion. Dr. Northrup gently
guides and supports you into a new way of
thinking about your body and mind being
integrated with responsibility and choices.
Sandy Scull, Boulder, CO

The Cal

You've

Been
Listening

Margie Needles Wullschleger

AIR

WOMEN'S HEALTH , CHRIS NORTHRUP,
M . O . , FIVE CASSETTES, A SOUNDS TRUE

& LYNN MARLOW, GOLGANOOZA

PRODUCTIONS, BOULDER, CO*

The time of the child-Loved and cherished.

In dealing with the abortion issue, I found
myself faced with the dilemma of my own
spiritual feelings about the disposition of the
spirits of the potential lives which would
not be born. This poem was the result of my
deep inner searching for the peace I feel in
giving women a choice about their
reproductive lives, which includes abortion.
The poem speaks to me of the continuation of
life, whether born now or at a later time.

CREATING HEALTH: WOMEN'S BODIES.

For.

The Sounds True Catalog is your
direct source for hundreds of inspirational, informative audiotapes
of special interest to women,
including tapes by Clarissa Pinkola
Estes and Marion Woodman. Topics
include women's health, women's
spirituality, the Goddess, feminine
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sacred music and videos. For your
FREE catalog call or write:

Sounds True Catalog
735 Walnut St., Dept W594
Boulder, CO 80302
Call Free 800-333-9185

Woman}Way _____________________________

THE PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

REVIEW

REVIEW

ANCIENT MOTHER

JOURNEY TO JOY:

A COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUAL MUSIC FROM AROUND

A GUIDE TO ENJOYING YOUR EMOTIONS; MADELINE DEMER,

THE WORLD; SPRING HILL MUSIC, BOULDER, CO

VESPER PUBLICATIONS, TAMPA, FL

If you celebrate the goddess and delight in clear, pure, feminine
voices singing sacred songs, the album "Ancient Mother" is for you.
This anthology of goddess/earth-mother songs presented by
Robert Gass features the vocal group "On Wings of Song," and a diverse group of soloists recorded at some very unusual locations.
Noirin Ni Riain sings the beautiful, gaelic "Mary's Keen" in Glenstad
Abbey, Ireland. Brook Medicine Eagle chants the Native American
"Nah Bvey Hi-ay" deep in an ancient ceremonial cave in Montana.
A wide range of musical styles reflects the multi-faceted, multicultural, but at the same time, universal nature of the ancient
mother. Songs such as "Ancient Mother" and "May the Circle be
Open" arise from the contemporary goddess/pagan movement. "O
Viridissima Virga" by the medieval Christian mystic Hildegard de
Bingen evokes the lush fertility of the earth-mother. Natural sounds
such as water, ocean and crickets help connect the music to the global ecosystem we all share.
Goddess worship still thrives in some of the cultures represented. Nurudafina Pili Abena, a master of African sacred drumming
traditions, performs "Yemaya," a traditional Yoruba prayer. Auntie
Edith Kekuhi Kanaka'ole chants the traditional Hawaiian "Puna is
Dancing."
While the wide variety of traditions makes the album sound a
little disjointed on the first hearing, it grows on you. The extensive
cover-notes about the performers and the songs are an added gift.
One doesn't need to be a goddess devotee to treasure the album; it
will appeal to lovers of folk and ethnic music too.
Annie Prevost, Denver; CO

ON WINGS OF SONG & ROBERT GASS PRESENT

A N C I E N T
M 0 T H E R
A COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S SPIRITUAL MUSIC
FROM AROUND THE WORLD
With special guests:
Z. Budapest (Hungarian)
Nurudafina Abena (Yoruba)
Brooke Medicine Eagle (Native American)
Kay Gardner
N6irin Ni Riain (Irish)
Auntie Edith Kekuhi Kanaka'ole ( Hawaiian)

These potent and primal
songs of Herself so beautifully
rendered, stir the heart with
memories of who She is and
where she may be found."
- Dr. Jean Houston

To order send $12.00 per cassette or$ 18.00 per CD ( shipping is included) to:

M

Spring Hill Music

Emotions affect every area of our lives. In this era of self-help,
as we seek to gain greater happiness and fuller control of our lives,
Madeline DeMer, a psychology teacher and freelance writer, offers
us this fascinating, easy-to-use, spiral-bound workbook that actively involves us in an exploration of our deepest feelings.
Ms DeMer (appropriately named "of the sea") explains that
our emotions are like a vast sea upon which we, like Columbus,
must steer our ships, searching for our happiness through uncharted waters, avoiding rocks and sandbars, surrounded by the
flotsam of our own emotional debris, avoiding the temptation of
landing on the nearest shore (security) before fully exploring other
areas, and ending our adventure only when we find "that golden
treasure with our name on it-joy, happiness, and peace of mind!"
Each of the eighteen chapters deals with another emotional
area. We learn about ourselves through carefully worded questionnaires accompanied by delightful, amusing illustrations, numerous
examples, and suggestions for follow-up meditations and activities.
Through such questionnaires, we learn to separate our child
self from our adult self. We look in the mirror to measure the way
our emotions are etched into our features - mouth turned up or
down? Eyebrows arched or drawn together? Eyes sparkling or
moist? We examine the way we express emotion ... the words we
use, the gestures we make, the way we communicate our emotions
to others. We examine our need for security and how it can effect
our emotional health. We explore the relationship between emotions and physical health. We study our need for alcohol, our need
to cry, our emotional cycles. We chart our desires and see what
they tell about our state of mind: a new car (freedom, power), a
gourmet dinner (wealth), a wonderful relationship (love and acceptance), a healing (feeling relief and order), our desire for sex and
fame, and so forth. We learn how our basic attitudes and perceptions shape our emotions and actions - and what is shaping our
own destiny right now. Then we measure the extent and depth of
our emotions, charting our own course of action, determining our
own personal destiny. We even take a look at the effect of past
lives on our emotions today.
DeMer's book guides us in transmuting our negative emotions
into gold. In the end, the final measure, our own answer to the
question, "Am I happy?" tells all!
Bonnie Iris (Silverstein), portrait artist and freelance
writer; spent 14 years as an editor of how-to art books.
She now lives and works in Boulder; CO.

Journal writing worlu;hop~ & eta~~~
ba~szd on l:{athlszszn '(idem~· book JOO'RN116

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Joannsz Ziszr
Cszrtifiszd ln~truetor
303-465-4958

P.O. Box 800, Boulder, CO 80306
Telephone orders accepted at 303.938.1188

Free catalog available

Woman's Way _____________________________ THE PATH oF EMPOWERMENT

21

REVIEW _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

AFRICAN WOMEN'S WRITING
CHARLOTTE BRUNER, EDITOR
HEINEMANN, 1993

In many anthologies of international
women's writing, a common theme emerges:
that women the world over are, to varying
degrees, under the big thumb of male domination. African Women'.s Writing is no exception. Though a slim and unassuming
paperback, this collection of short stories
speaks volumes about the lives of African
women-usually private and unheralded in
their own countries, and even less known to
the outside world.
A Western reader encountering for the
first time the quotidian realities of being female in Africa may find aspects of the experience disturbing and infuriating. The extent to
which many African women continue to participate in their own oppression is particularly incomprehensible to their Western
"liberated" sisters.
Not that the searchlight of feminist consciousness doesn't illuminate these women's
stories. On the contrary, most are singularly
focused on the plight of females - from the
very young to the quite old- with regard to
gender roles, class and the expectations of
family, community and religious or governing
authorities. A few authors write joyously of
breaking the chains; of professional accomplishment; of gaining self-respect; of their
affirming friendships with other women.

Taken together, these stories present a chorus of modem African women's voices, their
concert a chronicle of changes - and
struggles-across the vast continent.
Taken singly, however, the stories differ
as much as do the 14 countries here represented. Editor Charlotte Bruner (a former
comparative-literature professor at Iowa
State University) divides Africa, for literary
convenience, into western, eastern, northern
and southern sectors. Between these regions
and even within them, the characters vary
considerably: a middle-class, professional
Kenyan married to a "gentleman" who beats
her; a veritable slave-wife in Senegal who
uses "magic" to help herself conceive; a desperate-for-love Algerian paralyzed by modesty; a plucky, impoverished South African
grandmother determined to save her grandson from the demons of homelessness.
The voices in this chorus differ not only
in the myriad realities they express, but in
how they express them. In fact , the quality of
some of the writing is questionable, at least
by Western conventions - although it is
impossible to know if the fault lies in the
originals or in the translations. For example,
in "Mother Was a Great Man," Nigerian
writer Catherine Obianuju Acholonu is
highly informative about the Orlu and
Umuma people, in particular their customs
regarding marriage and the acquisition of
status. But the writing resembles the straightforward, unsophisticated narrative of, say, a

fairy-tale. Since the same is more or less true
of all the West African writing here, it may
represent a fashion.
However, Cape Verde writer Orlanda
Amarilis breaks with this plodding style in
"Disillusion." Told as the inner musings of
an unnamed mulatto woman on her way to
work one foggy morning, it outlines a predictable, disappointing life of not fitting in, of
loneliness and detachment. As bleak as the
story is, the writing is enlivened by the injection of incomplete sentences and unexplained secrets.
South African Sheila Fugard (wife of
playwright Athol Fugard) contributes the
highly imaginative "Lace," written as a memoir of a now-elderly woman who had been a
fanciful girl ravished by lace, which to her
represents beauty, love and hope. In the
course of a few pages the woman's tragic life
unfolds-her young son dies, she murders
her husband, is confined to a mental institution for 20 years, and is now old, alone and
"prepared for great freedom."
Freedom and its opposite form a continuum throughout African Women'.s Writing.
Underlying the stories themselves is the implied freedom to be writing them. African
women writers, asserts Bruner, are no longer
"isolated voices crying from a wilderness."
Even in countries where religious strictures
are seemingly iron-clad, more women are
contributing to the new literature of Africa.
Pamela Polston. Reprinted with
permission from Toward Freedom

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come with an adult. One section of the camp is a Clean and Sober area.
Registration fees $150-$195 for women and $80-$125 for girls. For
more Information call 916-556-4840 or write Elderflower, P.O. Box
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23

' - - - - - - - - - - - Classifieds
RELATIONSHIP SPECIALISTS: Learn how to develop and honor
your individual uniqueness to enhance intimacy i,n, your relationships.
Marilyn Hough, M.A. and Chuck Schmitt, M.A. (303) 441 -5993 .

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THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE.

an annotated list of books, tapes, films
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WOMEN'S BIBLIOGRAPHY,

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Our full-contact courses are ranked among the highest quality self
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CELEBRATE THE GODDESS (in yourself and every woman) with
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THE INNER JOURNEY OF HEALING with Melissa Clare. Sept. 30
- Oct. 1. Through our quest for self-healing, we receive the power and
grace for healing others and ultimately the planet. Using practices of
breath, light, and magnetism from the Sufi tradition , Melissa facilitates the journey of healing within each one of us, that we may serve
the planet. Melissa is the head of the Sufi healing order in New
Zealand. Call for details: 303-784-4753.
EVOLUTIONARY GUIDANCE ASTROLOGY 1 1/2 hr. taped reading, soul
lessons and life learnings, $65. Jyoti Wind (303) 541-9106 . 1705 14
St., #371 , Boulder, CO 80302.
VOODOO oldest organization, ritual work by request. Largest occult
catalog 600 pages plus. $20.00 TOTS, Suite 310, N. San Fernando
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Womans Way

Humanistic, whole-person approach . Personable, individualized attention to
your special needs. Gentle and firm techniques. Dr. Teresa Jean Rich ,
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CHIROPRACTIC WELLNESS AND INJURY HEALTH CARE.

REQUEST FOR SUBMISSIONS for a book on Women and Anger. Please
send subs and/or queries with a SASE to Maia Gay, RD Box 1316,
Moretown, VT 05660.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ THE PATH OF EMPOW~MENT

REVIEWS

HUMOR

EATING OUR HEARTS OUT:
PERSONAL ACCOUNTS OF WOMEN'S

THERE'S A HOLE IN THE
SIDEWALK

RELATIONSHIP TO FOOD ; LESLEA

(THE STORY OF MY LIFE IN 5 CHAPTERS)

NEWMAN, ED. ' CROSSING PRESS , Pus.

I am so excited about this anthology that
I feel compelled to spread the word about it.
Newman has compiled a group of poems,
letters, and stories that are wonderfully
crafted: humorous, evocative, and powerful.
She has placed them in an artistic framework of photographs celebrating women
which serves as a visual introduction to each
section of the book.
A wide spectrum of women (cutting
across sexual, religious, and racial lines) are
given an equal forum; their voices are imbued
with an honest clarity that challenges me to
continue to examine my own inner process.
Topics covered include anorexia,
bulimia, and overeating, and the accompanying feelings of isolation, shame, and fear
which they often engender. However, the
tone of the book is upbeat. I closed the last
page with a renewed desire to embrace my
life in all its manifestation.

Chapter One: I walked down the
street. There's a hole in the sidewalk. It's a
very deep hole. I fall in. I'm helpless. It isn't
my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 1\vo: I walk down the same
street. There's a hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in .... again. I can't
believe I'm in the same place ... but it isn't
my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three: I walk down the same
street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I
see it's there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. But
my eyes are open and I know where I am. It
is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four: I walk down the same
street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I
walk around it.
Chapter Five: I walk down another
street.

Claudette Mary Moloney, Boulder, CO

To Everyone, From: Elaine Lane, Atlanta,
Georgia. Reprinted from Mother To Mother,
newsletter of Mothers Without Custody.
Thank you, Elaine!

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH ?
Even gemstones of exceptional quality are diminished
in the wrong setting. Do your personal settings
diminish you? Together, we can turn your living and
work spaces into settings that encourage your fire.
Helping develop physical spaces that foster you.

NAN()' J. UPDlKt

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WHAT IS AN H~RBAl BODY WRAP?
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WHAT DO~S IT DO?
• the tight wrap detoxifies the body by flushing
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Facilitator for Personal Growth & Professional Development

546-0282
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