extracted text

•
make plans for fun! heriand spring retreat
Plans are really shaping up for Herland's Spring Retreat to be held on Friday,
Saturday, and Sunday, May 19-2 1, at Roman Nose State Park. Bring your dog
and plan on entering Fido in the doggie contests-like Best Tail Wag, Best Kiss,
Best Trick, etc. We'll also be decorating kites and giving a prize for the bestlooking and best-flying kites. Other activities planned include little red wagon
races, open mic, and game tournaments.
Entertainment on Saturday evening will be provided by Mary Reynol d s and
her band. A talented songwriter, classically trained vocalist, and multiinstrumentalist, Mary can call upon an eclectic repertoire of traditional material
and American popular songs. Mary's first solo CD. "Patience" was released in
April 1998 to great enthusiasm from audiences <Jnd public radio, appearing on
several "Recommended" and "Best of the Year" lists. Mary lives in Oklahoma
City, where she continues to play with the jazz band Miss Brown to You and
the vocal group The Sisters of Swing, along with other projects in trciditional,
country, jazz & pop music.
The retreat starts 5 pm Friday evening and continues to Sunday at noon . We
provide most meals but bring something for the Saturday evening potluck. See
the registration form on page 3 and visit our website for more details.

Map to Retreat at Roman Nose State Par k (Group Camp)
The Her/and Voice is a publication of Her/and Sister Resources, 23 I 2 NW 39th, OKC OK 73 I I 2. Our bookstore/fending library is open Saturdays
from 1-5 pm. Calf us at ( 405/ 52 1-9696 or email us at herfand@herbndsisters.org. Visit us on the web .7t www.herlandsisters.org.

supper club
The OKC Lightning Women's football team has started the new
season We have one of the best teams in the league and they
have made it to the playoffs for the past three years. For this
month's supper club, we are going to eat at the Olive Garden,
1844 NW Expressway, at 5 pm and then go to tl1e Lightning's
game at Taft Stadium. The game starts at 7:05 and Taft is located at NW 23rd & May. Meet at Herland at 4:30 pm if you
would like to carpool

l word video night
On Saturday, May 6th, 7 pm, we will watch the seventh and
eighth episodes of the L wor d, Season 3 .
In the last two episodes, Jenny's girlfriend Moira/Max has had an
awakening of sorts-she is starting to think about a sex change
and has asked Billie (the Planet's manager) to help her get male
hormones. Bette l1as a job offer witl1 the Whitney which would
require a move to New York. Tina doesn't know if she wants to
go and is in fact questioning her desire to be in a relationship
with Bette (or any woman for that matter since she is attracted to
a male co-worker right now). Alice dated a lesbian vampire and
is now finally getting over Dana. Dana's lump in her breast did
turn out to be cancer and sl1e had a mastectomy without telling
her friends the true nature of her surgery. Dana's partner, Lara,
called them and told them what was going on and they all
showed up at the hospital after the surgery. Shane and Carmen
had some difficulties and Sl1ane slept with ex-flame Cherie who
sl1owed up out of the blue Carmen freaked but they are working things out now. Join us for anott1er two episodes of America's best lesbian soap opera.

L word, season 2 dvd raffle
As a fundraiser, Herland is raffling off a brand-new box set of the
L word, Season 2 DVDs. Raffle tickets will be sold at the Spring
Retreat and at Herland until August 19. Then, at the last showing of the L word for this season on August 19, we will draw a
ticket and announce the winner. Tickets are $1 a piece or 6 for
$5 .

scrabble games
Come out to tl1e Retreat for the day (Saturday, May 20) and join

in the Scrabble games to be played there. There will be great
competition and you can stay for the potluck at 6 pm and concert at 8 pm. All for a measly$ 1O if you stay only tl1rough the
concert, or $25 if you stay the night also. Roman Nose is only
about an l1our and a half drive from OKC (see map on page 1.)

-·······················~·······

clip these outl
(Think about it. You probably want to clip out every one of these and
mail them in to Herland.)
~------------ - ----- - -----------------,

'

Herland Spring Retreat Registration Forn1
Roman Nose State Parkr May 19-21 , 2006

:
N.....,

Registration fee enclosed (payable to Herland):

Sliding Scale Pre-Registration
Single Person
Household
Registration
Annual Income
Annual Income per person

_$15 _$25 _$35 _$45_$60

under $6,500
$6,500-$13,300
$13,300-$19,500
$19,500-$30,000
over $30,000

_Saturday only (includes concert & one night
stay) - $25
_Concert only- $10

under $13,300
$13,300-$18,000
$18,000-$26,000
$26,000-$50,000
over $50,000

c

Q)

VI

Q

Q

Deadline for pre-registration is May 15. Please remember that dogs are w elcome
but must remain on leashes and are not allowed in the dining hall .

t\i

VI

>

~o

$15
$25
$35
$45
$60

N.:ime( s):
Address:

St.Jte:
Phone: -------------------

Zip----

Email (optional) ---------------------

..·······························.

) I need a scholarship to attend .
) I'm enclosing an additional $ _to help provide scholarships .
) I'm bringing_ children (girls of all ages and boys under age 10 are w elcome).
Please return registration form and check to: Herland Sister Resources, 2312
1 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, 01< 73112 . A retreat packet with all informal tion will be sent to you.

I

.. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _I

·------------------- - --- ---- - ------gi~f
I

Name ..

!
I
I
I
I

Street ... . ..... ... .. ... .... ..... . .. ... ... .. .... .... .. .. .... .... .. .. ... ... .. ..... .
City . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. State . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Zip .. ... ........ . .
Your contribution is important! Just SI 5 a year will help us pay for the $350+ that it
costs every month to print and mail the new sletter. Herl21nd is a non-profit SO 1(c)3 organization. Your contribution is deductible to the extent .:illowed by law.
[ ] Enclosed is a contribution for $ ...... .... .
[ ]

Please add me to the m:::iiling list for The Voice.

[ ]

Please change my address (new address above) .

Please mail to : Herl;:ind, 2312 NW 39th, OKC, OK 73112 .

.·······························-.

soulforce equality ride: jen's story
By Jen Ham-Sou/fource Freedom Rider
Editor's Note: Church of the Open Arms hosted the Sou/force Freedom Riders on Wednesdc~ March 22, 2006.
Several of the Freedom Riders spoke that evening about
their own personal experiences and wl?Y they hadjoined
the 7-week nde to confront colleges that ban the enrollment of glbt students. This is the story of one of the Freedom Riders
I was six years old I s.::it on our brown carpet; my mother
sat behind me on the couch. She w.::is watch ing "Star Trek:
The Next Generation ." I would rather be w atching cartoons. Suddenly, Counselor Troi comes on screen. I think,
"Wow, she is pretty. When I grow up, I'm going to marry
her." I didn't know I couldn 't marry a woman, but I did
know that I had just become a "Star Trek" f.Jn for life.
I was eight years old. My friend Shannon and I are playing
house-I am the husband and she is the wife. She tells me
her parents kiss each other, and she leans over and gives
me a little smooch. I think, "Maybe if things don't work out
with Counselor Troi, I'll marry my Shannon."
I was ten years old. Up the street lives the most beautiful
girl in the world-Selena, my first love. It begins to occu r
to me that I am somehow different from most of my
friends. I am the or:ily person in my circle of friends who
doesn't l1ave a "boyfriend ." That doesn't bother me, because I don't really want one. I have two good boy
friends, but I don't want to date them; I just want to play
video games and baseball w ith them .
I was eleven years old , and a touchy-feely type of kid . I
hug everyone until the day my friend Tanea says I must be
a lesbian because of that. I'm not sure what a lesbian is,
but from the way she said it I knew it couldn't be good .
To make sure no one ever thinks I am a lesbian ever
again, I stop hugging people. In fact I'd rather just not
touch anyone in any way, just to be on the safe side.
I was twelve years old. I have just learned in church that
God sends homosexuals to Hell. I don't know what a homosexual is, but I am glad that I'm not one. Soon, I get
tired of having so many questions about the Bible go unanswered to my satisfaction. I quit attending church and
call myself an atheist.
I was fourteen years old, and just moved to the other side
of the state . Everyday in high school is a constant stream
of insults: "fag," "dyke," "homo." I wonder if "homo" is tied
to "homosexuals," which I've been told go to hell. I look
up the word . The who le world freezes as the light bulb in
my head goes off: "Oh, man, I am homosexual!" The book
goes back on the shelf and I make a conscious choice to
never acknowledge th<:1t I <:1m homosexual. Later that ye<:1r
I start dating a boy, Brandan . Nothing feels more unnatural to me than to kiss him , but I think that I have to play
the part lest people figure out my secret.
I was fifteen years old. A boy who went to my school has
just transferred-he did not hide his homosexuality, and
endured vicious harassment for it. As for me, I hide mine

by being cruel behind the backs of other gay students. I tell my friends when the subject comes up
that gay people are evil, that they are not even human My friend He.::ither fights with me about it and
tell s me, "You know, Jen, the people who hate gays
the most always turn out to be gay themselves."
I was sixteen years old. Matthew Shepard's murder
is in the news. I am visiting my grandmother, in her
kitchen watching the news. When Matthew
Shepard comes up, Oma says, "I don't know why
anyone wou ld ever claim that gay people choose to
be gay. Look at that poor boy-he didn 't ask to be
beaten and tied to a fence . People that say gay people make a choice to be gay make me so angry because they just don't get it."
I was seventeen years old . I hide pictures of Kate
Winslet next to my bed underneath pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio. Being so hateful toward gay people-and toward myself-takes a lot of energy. Hiding makes me tired. I am so angry all the time, and
my soul feels like it is missing a vital piece. I sometimes look in the mirror and say "I am not gay," over
and over again. I know it's not true, so I take rzizors
zind cut up my arms and legs so that I can focus on
physical pain instead. I try suicide once, but didn't
know to slice the wrist vertica lly. I try it again, but
the torn bed sheet noose rips; I figure that de<:1th is
just not what fate h<:1s in mind for me.
I was eighteen years old. I am in college now, <:1nd I
even have some gay friends . By February, my secret
is too much to bear. I realize I h<:1ve two options:
adm it my sexua lity or kill myself. I remember what
Oma said and I remember how much I have hurt
myself already. I choose life. I tell my friend Meghan
that I am gziy and she asks how I feel. I can only
think of one word: "Liberated ." Later that year, I
write a long letter to my parents explaining that I
could not keep this secret anymore. They call me to
tell me that the house they are building w ill no
longer have a room for me in it because they don't
want me to make my brothers gay They also tell me
that since I made such a choice, I wou ld now have
to pay for college myself.
I was nineteen years old . I am walking through
campus on my way to 7I1 1-1 am running low on
cigarettes. I had recently purchased a small pin, a
pink triangle, the symbol the Nazis used to identify
queers in concentration camps . Oblivious to all else,
I am humming a Dave Matthews Band song. I hear
someone yel l "DYKE!" Instinctively I turn, just in time
to see spit flying through the air. It lands on my
shoe. Three guys are laughing-it's just me and
them in the area. My first hate crime; I am terrified
(Continued on next page)

(Continued from previous page)

and pick up the pace. Th<:it incident sends me on a path of activism.

I
J

I am twenty-one years old. I have a girlfriend named Joanna. I feel at home
in her arms, and nothing feels more natural than kissing her. We move in
together, we adopt two kittens, and I no longer feel as if something is missing. Her parents are amazing, but I think they are kind of surprised to learn
how utterly normal we are . So normal.. in fact that most of our friends refer
to us as "the married couple." I want to marry her, but my state doesn't allow it yet. I hope that someday my country will treat me equally, bec.:iuse
it's hard enough to convince Joanna that we don't need to move to England as it is.
The LGBTO students of Lee University are brave, because their strong Christian faith leads them to remain on their campus and bear the brunt of antigay policies. They need those of us on the outside to give them some space
to breathe and to be reassured that they are not alone in their struggle.
They need a strong alternative to the reparative therapy that is offered to
them repeatedly. Until they have such resources to assist their survival, I remain fearful for their well-being . I move forward on the Equality Ride with a
greater urgency for more dialogue with students attending schools w ith
antigay policies. I want them to come to know that God created them with
an unalterable gift, not a sickness. I feel driven to provide tangible resources
that can prevent the further torment of those living with a minority sexua l
orientation.

April22Jd Danas Rage -Away 1\'"
.::~·

May 11° Austin Outlaw;~i{
May 13'1 Sl Louis Slam- a.··

ltfay2P Dallas Rage-

June 11/h Austin Out~

Home oam11s.ar11

soulforce equality ride:
obu update
The ema!I below is from Lauren Topliffe, an Okla. Baptist
University student who was at Church of the Open Arms
with the Sou/force Equality Riders. In a Newsweek article
about the Equality Riders sh e came out as a lesbian OBU
student. She was asked to write somet/7/ng for the Voice
describing what has happened since.
First I must apol ogize for not keeping you all updated
like I promised to do. Between the craziness of the time
that the Equality Ride w as at OBU, trying to handle the
backlash from my coming out, and then attempting to
stay caught up in my classes this semester, my life has
gotten pretty hectic. Than k you to all of you w ho have
written me encouraging emails, called to check on me,
and been thinking about and praying for the Equality
Riders and the GLBT students at OBU. You are greatly
appreciated. I want to let you know that I have been
completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love
<md support that I have been shown over the past few
months.
Here is a very general . brief update. If anyone has further
questions or comments, please email me and I w ill be

happy to tal k about any of this in more detail.
The Equality Ride's visit to OBU w as very positive. The
administration made huge steps forward by allow ing
the Equality Rid ers on campus in the lower GC (student
center ) to have discussions w ith students, talk about
the experiences of GLBT studen ts at OBU . discuss the
Bible and w hat it says (and doesn't say) about homosexuality, and sing w orship . It w as an incredibly pow erful experience. Many students showed up to be .J part
of that discussion, w hich w as encouraging . OBU did
closely monitor w hich media they allow ed on campus,
and kept a very strong presence in those discussions
and interviews. The Riders had many restrictions placed
on them, and did th eir best to work within those limitations. They changed their plans slightly in order to be
gracious guests on the campus and show that they
w ere seeking dialogue rather than conflict. Although I
found a few of the Equality Ride's decisions frustrating,
I definitely feel that the Equality Ride's presence at OBU
had a powerful, positive effect and pushed the students and administration towards change.
There were many GLBT students on campus who w ere
experiencing our community in this way for the first
time, and watching them interact w ith gay peo ple
(Continued on next page)

·,l
n
ln ···..
U
]d

Special Advance Screening - Free!
Friday, May 5th, 7 pm COA 3131 N. Penn

'

It1s here! As the gay marriage debate rages on, this new documentary by Drew Emery goes beyond the rhetoric to explore just what it means to be married.
From a t ime when marriage was expected of virtuallv everybody, to today when the very definition
is in question, t his film revea ls the extraordinary stories of couples and ex's, friends and lovers, a!!
pursuing the same simple dream. Whether loving inside or outside of marriage, struggling to get in
or suing t o get out, we follow the lives of ordinary folks as they figure out their own path to happily
ever after -- wlth more than a few surprises along the way.

-(Cont1iwed from previous page)

who told them that they (the GLBT students) are acceptable just as they
are was transformational for me. It reinforced in me just how much we
need to make ourselves available and out. This has been the main thing
that I have t.Jken from the experience and challenge myself with .JS I go
into the d.Jy. The way that I am viewed on campus has changed, and I
am trying to remember th.Jt I am prob;:ibly being watched. I have used
those students who experienced safety in who they are, maybe for the
first time, as motivation to spend time on campus when it would be easier to go somewhere safe .::md hide out and continue to hold my head
up without apo logy for who I am and what I stand for.
GLBT issues have continued to be a major theme on campus over this
past month. Every week since the end of February there has been at
least one article in the school newspaper about something related to
the Equality Ride or the administration's response to the Newsweek article (which focused on the Equality Ride's time at OBU).
Scott Jones, pastor of Cathedral of Hope in OKC, is coming to Shawnee
once a week and leading a discussion/Bible study w ith whoever wants
to attend. Our first meeting was held on campus and attended by
mostly straight students wanting to discuss the scriptures often used to
condemn homosexuality. Scott handled himself and that discussion
quite impressively. The second meeting was attended by mostly gay students who were needing encouragement and time to safely relax and
be themselves, and so that is exactly what we did.
Now, about the policy. OBU went into the Equality Ride defending their
policy and stating th21t it was based on scriptural truths. They were not
wi lling to compromise. However, their actions have spoken otherwise. It
has been decided that my coming out in Newsweek is NOT in violation
of the Human Sexuality policy and, therefore, no action will be taken
against me. Coming out is no longer unacceptable at OBU. "Practicing
or promoting" does not include coming out. Yesterday I received some
really encouraging news. There is an OBU student who has spent the
last 5 semesters in "reparative therapy" because she refuses to say that
she is straight to be released from the mZJndatory counseling. She approached the woman who has provided her counseling during their
last session and told her that she was not going to go to the counseling
anymore. If I have not violated the policy, neither has she. There was a
discussion among the administration about that and they decided thcit
she no longer has to attend the reparative therapy.
OBU's harassment and discriminatory harassment policies are going to
be my next big focus. I made an official complaint and requested that
they change these policies to include sexual orientation. It would be a
huge step towards making OBU safer for GLBT students. As the policy is
now written, GLBT students have no defense against this type of harassment. If they are harassed, they are not guaranteed protection if they
are to report it. It is very possible that the focus wou ld be on their sexual
orientation rather than on the harassment. President Brister has made
several comments about student safety being his top priority (in regards
to the Equality Ride's presence at OBU) and I suggest that we hold him
accountable to that statement. The safety of GLBT students is not ensured at OBU right now, and that needs to change. Regardless of the
administration's stance on homosexuality, all students have a right to
feel safe and go through their college experience without harassment
due to their sexual orientation. If you are interested in helping push for
this particular change, please let me know and I will contact you when
the time comes about what you can do to help.

Herland Sister Resources

Non-Profit Org.
U.S. Postage

2312 NW 39th Street
Oklahoma City, OK 731 12

PAID
Oklahoma City, OK
Permit No. 861

Return Service Requested

Dr. Dawn Singleto'-1, Ph.D.

..,...

Good Neighbor Development

me;:.

Licensed Professional Counselor
Licensed Marital & Family Therapist
5005 N. Pennsylvania #204 OKC, OK
405-232-3296

FREE HOUR CONSULTATION

Single and Multi-Family Leasing
Property Management and Development

April Stacy
Manager

405.606.5906
www.goodneighbordevelopment.com

PHONE: 943-1467

"TOUCH
CITY ANIMAL HOSPITAL
2910 N.W. 23
OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA 73107

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FEEL THE SOFTl\"'ESS."

DELICIOCS BATH A;-..'D BODY PRODUCTS

httQ: / /www.cbunnyrep.com/7733
N. WORLAND DVM

DOROTHY E. HEIM
Attorney at Law

Sandy Ingraham, J.D., M.S.W.
Attorney-at-Law
Ingraham & Associates, PLLC

(405) 616-5045
dheim033@yahoo.com

Estate Planning, Wills, Trusts, Probate, Adoption, Contracts

Call me with your legal questions:
estate planning
personal injury
small business
contract issues

Route 2, Box 369-B
Mcloud, OK 74851

Tel. (405) 964-2072
Ingraham@mcloudteleco.com



•
make plans for fun! heriand spring retreat
Plans are really shaping up for Herland's Spring Retreat to be held on Friday,
Saturday, and Sunday, May 19-2 1, at Roman Nose State Park. Bring your dog
and plan on entering Fido in the doggie contests-like Best Tail Wag, Best Kiss,
Best Trick, etc. We'll also be decorating kites and giving a prize for the bestlooking and best-flying kites. Other activities planned include little red wagon
races, open mic, and game tournaments.
Entertainment on Saturday evening will be provided by Mary Reynol d s and
her band. A talented songwriter, classically trained vocalist, and multiinstrumentalist, Mary can call upon an eclectic repertoire of traditional material
and American popular songs. Mary's first solo CD. "Patience" was released in
April 1998 to great enthusiasm from audiences <Jnd public radio, appearing on
several "Recommended" and "Best of the Year" lists. Mary lives in Oklahoma
City, where she continues to play with the jazz band Miss Brown to You and
the vocal group The Sisters of Swing, along with other projects in trciditional,
country, jazz & pop music.
The retreat starts 5 pm Friday evening and continues to Sunday at noon . We
provide most meals but bring something for the Saturday evening potluck. See
the registration form on page 3 and visit our website for more details.

Map to Retreat at Roman Nose State Par k (Group Camp)
The Her/and Voice is a publication of Her/and Sister Resources, 23 I 2 NW 39th, OKC OK 73 I I 2. Our bookstore/fending library is open Saturdays
from 1-5 pm. Calf us at ( 405/ 52 1-9696 or email us at herfand@herbndsisters.org. Visit us on the web .7t www.herlandsisters.org.

supper club
The OKC Lightning Women's football team has started the new
season We have one of the best teams in the league and they
have made it to the playoffs for the past three years. For this
month's supper club, we are going to eat at the Olive Garden,
1844 NW Expressway, at 5 pm and then go to tl1e Lightning's
game at Taft Stadium. The game starts at 7:05 and Taft is located at NW 23rd & May. Meet at Herland at 4:30 pm if you
would like to carpool

l word video night
On Saturday, May 6th, 7 pm, we will watch the seventh and
eighth episodes of the L wor d, Season 3 .
In the last two episodes, Jenny's girlfriend Moira/Max has had an
awakening of sorts-she is starting to think about a sex change
and has asked Billie (the Planet's manager) to help her get male
hormones. Bette l1as a job offer witl1 the Whitney which would
require a move to New York. Tina doesn't know if she wants to
go and is in fact questioning her desire to be in a relationship
with Bette (or any woman for that matter since she is attracted to
a male co-worker right now). Alice dated a lesbian vampire and
is now finally getting over Dana. Dana's lump in her breast did
turn out to be cancer and sl1e had a mastectomy without telling
her friends the true nature of her surgery. Dana's partner, Lara,
called them and told them what was going on and they all
showed up at the hospital after the surgery. Shane and Carmen
had some difficulties and Sl1ane slept with ex-flame Cherie who
sl1owed up out of the blue Carmen freaked but they are working things out now. Join us for anott1er two episodes of America's best lesbian soap opera.

L word, season 2 dvd raffle
As a fundraiser, Herland is raffling off a brand-new box set of the
L word, Season 2 DVDs. Raffle tickets will be sold at the Spring
Retreat and at Herland until August 19. Then, at the last showing of the L word for this season on August 19, we will draw a
ticket and announce the winner. Tickets are $1 a piece or 6 for
$5 .

scrabble games
Come out to tl1e Retreat for the day (Saturday, May 20) and join

in the Scrabble games to be played there. There will be great
competition and you can stay for the potluck at 6 pm and concert at 8 pm. All for a measly$ 1O if you stay only tl1rough the
concert, or $25 if you stay the night also. Roman Nose is only
about an l1our and a half drive from OKC (see map on page 1.)

-·······················~·······

clip these outl
(Think about it. You probably want to clip out every one of these and
mail them in to Herland.)
~------------ - ----- - -----------------,

'

Herland Spring Retreat Registration Forn1
Roman Nose State Parkr May 19-21 , 2006

:
N.....,

Registration fee enclosed (payable to Herland):

Sliding Scale Pre-Registration
Single Person
Household
Registration
Annual Income
Annual Income per person

_$15 _$25 _$35 _$45_$60

under $6,500
$6,500-$13,300
$13,300-$19,500
$19,500-$30,000
over $30,000

_Saturday only (includes concert & one night
stay) - $25
_Concert only- $10

under $13,300
$13,300-$18,000
$18,000-$26,000
$26,000-$50,000
over $50,000

c

Q)

VI

Q

Q

Deadline for pre-registration is May 15. Please remember that dogs are w elcome
but must remain on leashes and are not allowed in the dining hall .

t\i

VI

>

~o

$15
$25
$35
$45
$60

N.:ime( s):
Address:

St.Jte:
Phone: -------------------

Zip----

Email (optional) ---------------------

..·······························.

) I need a scholarship to attend .
) I'm enclosing an additional $ _to help provide scholarships .
) I'm bringing_ children (girls of all ages and boys under age 10 are w elcome).
Please return registration form and check to: Herland Sister Resources, 2312
1 NW 39th Street, Oklahoma City, 01< 73112 . A retreat packet with all informal tion will be sent to you.

I

.. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _I

·------------------- - --- ---- - ------gi~f
I

Name ..

!
I
I
I
I

Street ... . ..... ... .. ... .... ..... . .. ... ... .. .... .... .. .. .... .... .. .. ... ... .. ..... .
City . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. State . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Zip .. ... ........ . .
Your contribution is important! Just SI 5 a year will help us pay for the $350+ that it
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soulforce equality ride: jen's story
By Jen Ham-Sou/fource Freedom Rider
Editor's Note: Church of the Open Arms hosted the Sou/force Freedom Riders on Wednesdc~ March 22, 2006.
Several of the Freedom Riders spoke that evening about
their own personal experiences and wl?Y they hadjoined
the 7-week nde to confront colleges that ban the enrollment of glbt students. This is the story of one of the Freedom Riders
I was six years old I s.::it on our brown carpet; my mother
sat behind me on the couch. She w.::is watch ing "Star Trek:
The Next Generation ." I would rather be w atching cartoons. Suddenly, Counselor Troi comes on screen. I think,
"Wow, she is pretty. When I grow up, I'm going to marry
her." I didn't know I couldn 't marry a woman, but I did
know that I had just become a "Star Trek" f.Jn for life.
I was eight years old. My friend Shannon and I are playing
house-I am the husband and she is the wife. She tells me
her parents kiss each other, and she leans over and gives
me a little smooch. I think, "Maybe if things don't work out
with Counselor Troi, I'll marry my Shannon."
I was ten years old. Up the street lives the most beautiful
girl in the world-Selena, my first love. It begins to occu r
to me that I am somehow different from most of my
friends. I am the or:ily person in my circle of friends who
doesn't l1ave a "boyfriend ." That doesn't bother me, because I don't really want one. I have two good boy
friends, but I don't want to date them; I just want to play
video games and baseball w ith them .
I was eleven years old , and a touchy-feely type of kid . I
hug everyone until the day my friend Tanea says I must be
a lesbian because of that. I'm not sure what a lesbian is,
but from the way she said it I knew it couldn't be good .
To make sure no one ever thinks I am a lesbian ever
again, I stop hugging people. In fact I'd rather just not
touch anyone in any way, just to be on the safe side.
I was twelve years old. I have just learned in church that
God sends homosexuals to Hell. I don't know what a homosexual is, but I am glad that I'm not one. Soon, I get
tired of having so many questions about the Bible go unanswered to my satisfaction. I quit attending church and
call myself an atheist.
I was fourteen years old, and just moved to the other side
of the state . Everyday in high school is a constant stream
of insults: "fag," "dyke," "homo." I wonder if "homo" is tied
to "homosexuals," which I've been told go to hell. I look
up the word . The who le world freezes as the light bulb in
my head goes off: "Oh, man, I am homosexual!" The book
goes back on the shelf and I make a conscious choice to
never acknowledge th<:1t I <:1m homosexual. Later that ye<:1r
I start dating a boy, Brandan . Nothing feels more unnatural to me than to kiss him , but I think that I have to play
the part lest people figure out my secret.
I was fifteen years old. A boy who went to my school has
just transferred-he did not hide his homosexuality, and
endured vicious harassment for it. As for me, I hide mine

by being cruel behind the backs of other gay students. I tell my friends when the subject comes up
that gay people are evil, that they are not even human My friend He.::ither fights with me about it and
tell s me, "You know, Jen, the people who hate gays
the most always turn out to be gay themselves."
I was sixteen years old. Matthew Shepard's murder
is in the news. I am visiting my grandmother, in her
kitchen watching the news. When Matthew
Shepard comes up, Oma says, "I don't know why
anyone wou ld ever claim that gay people choose to
be gay. Look at that poor boy-he didn 't ask to be
beaten and tied to a fence . People that say gay people make a choice to be gay make me so angry because they just don't get it."
I was seventeen years old . I hide pictures of Kate
Winslet next to my bed underneath pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio. Being so hateful toward gay people-and toward myself-takes a lot of energy. Hiding makes me tired. I am so angry all the time, and
my soul feels like it is missing a vital piece. I sometimes look in the mirror and say "I am not gay," over
and over again. I know it's not true, so I take rzizors
zind cut up my arms and legs so that I can focus on
physical pain instead. I try suicide once, but didn't
know to slice the wrist vertica lly. I try it again, but
the torn bed sheet noose rips; I figure that de<:1th is
just not what fate h<:1s in mind for me.
I was eighteen years old. I am in college now, <:1nd I
even have some gay friends . By February, my secret
is too much to bear. I realize I h<:1ve two options:
adm it my sexua lity or kill myself. I remember what
Oma said and I remember how much I have hurt
myself already. I choose life. I tell my friend Meghan
that I am gziy and she asks how I feel. I can only
think of one word: "Liberated ." Later that year, I
write a long letter to my parents explaining that I
could not keep this secret anymore. They call me to
tell me that the house they are building w ill no
longer have a room for me in it because they don't
want me to make my brothers gay They also tell me
that since I made such a choice, I wou ld now have
to pay for college myself.
I was nineteen years old . I am walking through
campus on my way to 7I1 1-1 am running low on
cigarettes. I had recently purchased a small pin, a
pink triangle, the symbol the Nazis used to identify
queers in concentration camps . Oblivious to all else,
I am humming a Dave Matthews Band song. I hear
someone yel l "DYKE!" Instinctively I turn, just in time
to see spit flying through the air. It lands on my
shoe. Three guys are laughing-it's just me and
them in the area. My first hate crime; I am terrified
(Continued on next page)

(Continued from previous page)

and pick up the pace. Th<:it incident sends me on a path of activism.

I
J

I am twenty-one years old. I have a girlfriend named Joanna. I feel at home
in her arms, and nothing feels more natural than kissing her. We move in
together, we adopt two kittens, and I no longer feel as if something is missing. Her parents are amazing, but I think they are kind of surprised to learn
how utterly normal we are . So normal.. in fact that most of our friends refer
to us as "the married couple." I want to marry her, but my state doesn't allow it yet. I hope that someday my country will treat me equally, bec.:iuse
it's hard enough to convince Joanna that we don't need to move to England as it is.
The LGBTO students of Lee University are brave, because their strong Christian faith leads them to remain on their campus and bear the brunt of antigay policies. They need those of us on the outside to give them some space
to breathe and to be reassured that they are not alone in their struggle.
They need a strong alternative to the reparative therapy that is offered to
them repeatedly. Until they have such resources to assist their survival, I remain fearful for their well-being . I move forward on the Equality Ride with a
greater urgency for more dialogue with students attending schools w ith
antigay policies. I want them to come to know that God created them with
an unalterable gift, not a sickness. I feel driven to provide tangible resources
that can prevent the further torment of those living with a minority sexua l
orientation.

April22Jd Danas Rage -Away 1\'"
.::~·

May 11° Austin Outlaw;~i{
May 13'1 Sl Louis Slam- a.··

ltfay2P Dallas Rage-

June 11/h Austin Out~

Home oam11s.ar11

soulforce equality ride:
obu update
The ema!I below is from Lauren Topliffe, an Okla. Baptist
University student who was at Church of the Open Arms
with the Sou/force Equality Riders. In a Newsweek article
about the Equality Riders sh e came out as a lesbian OBU
student. She was asked to write somet/7/ng for the Voice
describing what has happened since.
First I must apol ogize for not keeping you all updated
like I promised to do. Between the craziness of the time
that the Equality Ride w as at OBU, trying to handle the
backlash from my coming out, and then attempting to
stay caught up in my classes this semester, my life has
gotten pretty hectic. Than k you to all of you w ho have
written me encouraging emails, called to check on me,
and been thinking about and praying for the Equality
Riders and the GLBT students at OBU. You are greatly
appreciated. I want to let you know that I have been
completely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love
<md support that I have been shown over the past few
months.
Here is a very general . brief update. If anyone has further
questions or comments, please email me and I w ill be

happy to tal k about any of this in more detail.
The Equality Ride's visit to OBU w as very positive. The
administration made huge steps forward by allow ing
the Equality Rid ers on campus in the lower GC (student
center ) to have discussions w ith students, talk about
the experiences of GLBT studen ts at OBU . discuss the
Bible and w hat it says (and doesn't say) about homosexuality, and sing w orship . It w as an incredibly pow erful experience. Many students showed up to be .J part
of that discussion, w hich w as encouraging . OBU did
closely monitor w hich media they allow ed on campus,
and kept a very strong presence in those discussions
and interviews. The Riders had many restrictions placed
on them, and did th eir best to work within those limitations. They changed their plans slightly in order to be
gracious guests on the campus and show that they
w ere seeking dialogue rather than conflict. Although I
found a few of the Equality Ride's decisions frustrating,
I definitely feel that the Equality Ride's presence at OBU
had a powerful, positive effect and pushed the students and administration towards change.
There were many GLBT students on campus who w ere
experiencing our community in this way for the first
time, and watching them interact w ith gay peo ple
(Continued on next page)

·,l
n
ln ···..
U
]d

Special Advance Screening - Free!
Friday, May 5th, 7 pm COA 3131 N. Penn

'

It1s here! As the gay marriage debate rages on, this new documentary by Drew Emery goes beyond the rhetoric to explore just what it means to be married.
From a t ime when marriage was expected of virtuallv everybody, to today when the very definition
is in question, t his film revea ls the extraordinary stories of couples and ex's, friends and lovers, a!!
pursuing the same simple dream. Whether loving inside or outside of marriage, struggling to get in
or suing t o get out, we follow the lives of ordinary folks as they figure out their own path to happily
ever after -- wlth more than a few surprises along the way.

-(Cont1iwed from previous page)

who told them that they (the GLBT students) are acceptable just as they
are was transformational for me. It reinforced in me just how much we
need to make ourselves available and out. This has been the main thing
that I have t.Jken from the experience and challenge myself with .JS I go
into the d.Jy. The way that I am viewed on campus has changed, and I
am trying to remember th.Jt I am prob;:ibly being watched. I have used
those students who experienced safety in who they are, maybe for the
first time, as motivation to spend time on campus when it would be easier to go somewhere safe .::md hide out and continue to hold my head
up without apo logy for who I am and what I stand for.
GLBT issues have continued to be a major theme on campus over this
past month. Every week since the end of February there has been at
least one article in the school newspaper about something related to
the Equality Ride or the administration's response to the Newsweek article (which focused on the Equality Ride's time at OBU).
Scott Jones, pastor of Cathedral of Hope in OKC, is coming to Shawnee
once a week and leading a discussion/Bible study w ith whoever wants
to attend. Our first meeting was held on campus and attended by
mostly straight students wanting to discuss the scriptures often used to
condemn homosexuality. Scott handled himself and that discussion
quite impressively. The second meeting was attended by mostly gay students who were needing encouragement and time to safely relax and
be themselves, and so that is exactly what we did.
Now, about the policy. OBU went into the Equality Ride defending their
policy and stating th21t it was based on scriptural truths. They were not
wi lling to compromise. However, their actions have spoken otherwise. It
has been decided that my coming out in Newsweek is NOT in violation
of the Human Sexuality policy and, therefore, no action will be taken
against me. Coming out is no longer unacceptable at OBU. "Practicing
or promoting" does not include coming out. Yesterday I received some
really encouraging news. There is an OBU student who has spent the
last 5 semesters in "reparative therapy" because she refuses to say that
she is straight to be released from the mZJndatory counseling. She approached the woman who has provided her counseling during their
last session and told her that she was not going to go to the counseling
anymore. If I have not violated the policy, neither has she. There was a
discussion among the administration about that and they decided thcit
she no longer has to attend the reparative therapy.
OBU's harassment and discriminatory harassment policies are going to
be my next big focus. I made an official complaint and requested that
they change these policies to include sexual orientation. It would be a
huge step towards making OBU safer for GLBT students. As the policy is
now written, GLBT students have no defense against this type of harassment. If they are harassed, they are not guaranteed protection if they
are to report it. It is very possible that the focus wou ld be on their sexual
orientation rather than on the harassment. President Brister has made
several comments about student safety being his top priority (in regards
to the Equality Ride's presence at OBU) and I suggest that we hold him
accountable to that statement. The safety of GLBT students is not ensured at OBU right now, and that needs to change. Regardless of the
administration's stance on homosexuality, all students have a right to
feel safe and go through their college experience without harassment
due to their sexual orientation. If you are interested in helping push for
this particular change, please let me know and I will contact you when
the time comes about what you can do to help.

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