extracted text

December 1999

DEAR SANTA,

HELP WANTED

I have been very good all year, and am writing to ask you for
just one present this Christmas: the same rights and privileges for
me, a lesbian, that heterosexuals enjoy. And what is heterosexual
privilege, you ask? I'll tell you.
..,. Marrying ..... which includes the following privileges:
Public recognition and support for an intimate relationship
(e.g. receiving cards or phone calls celebrating your commitment
to another person; supporting activities and social expectations of
longevity.and stability for your committed relationships.
Paid leave from employment and condolences when grieving
the death of your partner/lover .
Inheriting from your partner/lover/companion automatically
under probate laws.
Sharing health, auto, and homeowners' insurance policies at
reduced, "family" rates
Immediate access to your loved ones in cases of accident or
emergency.
..- Kissing/hugging/dancing/being affectionate in public without
threat or punishment.
..,. Talking about your relationship and what projects, vacations,
family planing you and your lover/partner are creating.
..- Not questioning your normalcy, sexually or culturally.
..,. Expressing pain when a relationship ends and having other
people notice and attend to your pain.
..,. Adopting children, foster-parenting children.
..,. Being employed as a teacher in pre-school through high school
without fear of being fired any day because you are assumed to
corrupt children.
..,. Raising children without threats of state intervention, without
children having to be worried which of their friends might reject
them because of their mother/s sexuality and culture.
..- Dating the person of your choice in your teen years .
..,. Living with your partner and doing so openly to all - i.e., putting
her picture on your desk at work.
..- Receiving validation from your religious community.
..- Receiving social acceptance from neighbors, colleagues, new
friends.
..,. Not having to hide and lie about women-only social activities .
..,. Working without always being identified by your sexuality/
culture -e.g., you getto be a farmer, brick layer, artist, Realtor, etc.
with being labeled the heterosexualJanner, the heterosexual Rea/tor, etc.
I thank you in advance, Santa, and look forward to tripping
the lightfantastic -without causing a sensation -with my sweetie
to the strains ofMiss Brown to You at Opening Night.
Yours, Maggie Mae
D
Volwne 17Nwnber 12

Are you looking for a place to contribute to the Oklahoma
women's community? Would you like to be more involved in
Herland? Volunteers are needed for all areas ofHerland's work- staffing the center on weekends, planning and helping to host
social events, writing for the newsletter, maintaining the building,
coordinating cultural and educational events and serving on the
Board of Directors.
Giveusacallat521-%96,dropbyontheweekendandtalkwith
the volunteer on duty or send us a note with your name, address,
phone number and email and let us know what you'd like to do.
Remember Herland is an all volunteer organization so if it takes a
while for someone to get back with you, just take that as a sign of
how much you are needed!
Board meetings are always open to the public so just stop by
Herland at4:30P.M. on the 3rd Sunday of any month. The next
meeting will be on December 19.
D

Whether you think it's the first day of a
new millennium, the first day of the last
year of the millennium or the first day of
the rest ofyour life.....

Celebrate the day at the

Her/and Open House
January 1, 2000
2 P.M. - 4 P.M .
We'll have traditional black-eyedpeas and
cabbage. You can bring your own special
New Year's dish to share.
See you there!

Herland Sister Resources

2312 N.W. 39 OKC OK 73112

ST. SYBIL
Sybil Ludington, Matron Saint ofthe Forgotten Woman, (she
did everything Paul Revere did, earlier and better, and got how
much recognition for it???) is an occasional contributor to this
space.
DearSt. Sybil:
How about a brief lesson in feminism and related topics? I
missed out on the "consciousness raising'' gatherings of the 70's
and 80' s, for the most part because I didn't really understand what
they were for. As akid I remember looking at newspapers and other
print media and thinking it odd that so many men got their pictures
in for all sorts of reasons while female images were mostly restricted
to the "Society" and "Home and Garden" pages. Yet, in my real
world wimmin were the shakers and movers.
I've been around feminists for many years, some more radical
than others. There were times when I could not heartheir message
because the messenger violated/challenged some of my "core
beliefs" and at the time I was unwilling or unable to go or look "in
there" .
So, Sybil, now I'mready, butwheredolstartlooking? Can you
help me? Is there any feminist instruction in my future?

Yours,
HopePhull

The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir
Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan
Home Girls, A Black Feminist Anthology edited by Barbara
Smith
The Female Eunuch, by Germaine Greer
Ain't I a Woman: black women and feminism by bell hooks
Lesbian Nation by Jill Johnston
Sexual Politics, by Kate Millett
Homophobia: A Weapon ofSexism, by Suzanne Pharr
Other writers to explore: Andrea Dworkin, Adrienne Rich,
Jewelle Gomez, Audre Lorde, Mary Daly, Vivian Gornick, Susan
Brownmiller, Gloria Steinem, Susan Griffin, Phyllis Chesler, Marge

Piercy ...
Poetry: Adrienne Rich, Marge Piercy, Ntosake Shange,
Chrystos (ok, Chrystos isn't that purely feminist, but you won' t
regret it, she is divinely erotic. Whew. Makes me sorry I'm purely
spirit these days!).
So, Hope: Havefun! I envyyou, discoveringthesewonderful
books for the first time.
In radical sisterhood,
Sybil
0

WoMEN's Two SPIRITS
SUPPORT GROUP

Dear Hope,
Herland had a "consciousness raising" group many years
ago; and ifyou could get a number offriends to commit to one night
a week for four months (yep, it's a lot) it's possible they would do
it again. Heaven knows, my new friend Bella, Matron Saint of
Exuberant Integrity and Big Hats, is quite disturbed by the apathy
of American wimmin these days. As am I.
Bella has helped me create a very basic reading list for you,
almost all of which is doubtless available in the Herland lending
library. These will not only introduce you to feminism, they will give
you a good idea of what it was like in America before the Second
Wave offeminism (Today's "post-feminist" era is really a giant
step backwards to pure sexism, and will, Goddess willing, be
followed by a Third Wave that will last longer than - good grief!
-one short generation.)
Easy reading, (invigorating, animating, infuriating, mind expanding, epiphanizing, consciousness raising. thegreat"aha! creating):
The Women's Room, a novel by Marilyn French
From Housewife to Heretic; autobiography of Sonia Johnson
Sisterhood is Powerful, An Anthology Edited by Robin
Morgan
Masculine/Feminine, Readings in Sexual Mythology and the
Liberation of Women, edited by Betty Rosz.ak and Theodore

Rosz.ak
The DescentofWoman, by Elaine Morgan (will forever change
the way you look at evolution and "pop" anthropology)
Her/and, a utopian novel by Charlotte Perkins Gilman(from the
first waveoffeminism)
Lesbian Woman, by Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon
Harder work, but worth it: good core feminist theory
Paae 2 Her/and Voice December. 1999

Are you a lesbian womanofNative American or First Nations
descent? Are you the friend, family or spouse of someone who is?
Then come and join our new group developed just for you!
At our first organizing meeting the group decided to make this
support group a women's only safe space. ( I feel it is important for
you to know that there is also another local two-spirits group that
has been formed for all genders to attend. You can find out more
about that group by contacting the Ahalaya Native Health Center.)
Our women's group will be meeting each month on the 1111
Saturday ofthe month at 7:00 P.M. Meetings will be heldatHerland
Sister' s Resources, 2312N.W. 39thSt.
At the December 411i meetingwearemakingMedicineBags and
talking about their role in the Native American culture. Laura Choate
(Choctaw) will be leading this session and sharing her wisdom on
this subject. Megweech to Laura for her work!
The monthofJanuary (on Jan. 1111 ) we will also have an exciting
meeting. Arrangements have been made to show the film ''Honored
By The Moon". This is a film made about the very first Annual
National Two-Spirits Gathering ever held. Please come and enjoy
this special opportunity to learn about a unique time in the history
and development ofthe Native American/First Nations Two-Spirit
community!
Many blessings to Herland Sisters Resources for the use of
their facility and to the Minnesota American Indian AIDs:t'ask
Force for the use of their film.
In the Spirit of the Circle,
Denise Smith
D

ranks of the largest GLBT organizations do not reflect the racial

COALITION POLITICS: THE WORK
THAT FUELS PROGRESSIVE CHANGE
By Kerry Lobel, Executive Director, NGL TF
Last month, the folks at the Lambda Book Report askedme to
write a short article about a book or books that had informed my
life as an organizer. One of my favorite picks was "Home Girls: A
Black Feminist Anthology," edited by Barbara Smith. My copy is
well worn and the essay·b y Bernice Johnson Reagon, "Coalition
Politics: Turning the Century" is especially dog-eared.
The essay stems from a talk Reagon gave in 198 l at the
beginning of that decade and her argument was both simple and
profound: our need for each other, our ultimate interdependence,
creates a political atmosphere particularly conducive to coalition
building. She argues that by building coalitions, we move beyond
our own comfortable rooms and into a world where social change
is truly possible.
She knows, as most ofus do, that the work ofcoalition building
for social change pinches and pulls. She writes, "Coalition work is
not work done in your home... And it is some of the most dangerous
work you can do. And you shouldn't look for comfort. Some people
will come to a coalition.and they rate the success of the coalition
whether or not they feel good when they get there. They're not
lookingfora coalition, they're looking fora home! They're looking
forabottlewithsomemilkinitandanipple, whichdoesn'thappen
in a coalition. You don't get a lot offood in a coalition.You don't
get fed a lot in a coalition. In a coalition you have to give, and it is
different from your home. You can't stay there all the time. You go
the coalition for a few hours and then you go back and take your
bottle wherever it is, and then you go back and coalesce some

more."
Reagon challenges us to move beyond our own safety and to
unbar the doors of the rooms that divide us from each other, to
move freely and intentionally from room to room. To do so, will
require some of us to feel uncomfortable, but our discomfort may
be a sure sign that something is changing around us.
One of the places needing changing is the leadership of our
GLBT movement. Our movement's leadership, to be blunt, lacks
diversity. Although many national GLBT groups have closed the
gender gap in leadership positions, few have crossed the race line.
People ofcolor in leadership positions abound, many running local
and national nonprofits in the lllV/AIDS movement, others serving as elected or appointed officials, others still working in nonGLBT social change organizations. But overall, the leadership

The Voice is published by:.Hetfand Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th; Oklahoma City, OK 73112.
The Voice is offered as an open forum for community discourse.
Articles reflect the opinions of the author and not necessarily
those of Herland Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and
letters to the editor are welcomed and must be signed by the
writer with fulf name and address. Upon request, letters or
articles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Subscriptions to The Voice are free upon request although a
donation is requested to meet publication and distribution
costs.

diversity ofAmerican society. In fact, only one GLBT organization,
LLEGO, is headed by a person of color.
AtNGLTF, wearetryingtodoourparttounbarthedoors. We
recently convened the National Leadership Roundtableto discuss
the barriers to people of color leadership of the GLBT movement.
We' re looking at ways to strengthen local people of color GLBT
groups - and are calling on others to do the same. We also were
pleased to recently receive a$200,000 grantfrom the Ford Foundation to study the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender
elderly, people of color and those who are poor or on limited
incomes.
As Reagon argues, by building coalitions, we have moved
beyond our own comfortable rooms and into a world where social
change is truly possible. That's what progressive movements are
all about.
And that is why we who are lucky enough to labor in a
0
progressive movement come to work every day.

Events Around ·rown
Saturday, December!!, 5:30PM--Herland
Supper Club meets at Tommy's in Ahrth Park Mall
for Italian food
Saturday, December 11, 9:00 PM -- Peggy
Johnson at Diversity Coffee Shop, 1739NW16,

OKC
Saturday, December 11, 9 PM -- The Therapy
Sisters(with Mary Catherine Reynolds andElyse)
at the Blue Door, 2805 N McKinley, OKC,
Sunday, December 19, 7PM -- Partners Christmas
Party with a number oflocalperformers ,2805
NW.36,0KC
Friday, .December 31--MissBrown To You at
Opening Night at the Arena Theater in Stage
Center.
Saturday, -J anuary 1, 2 - 4 PM -- Her/and Open
House, 2312 NW. 39, OKC
Saturday,Januaryl, 7P.M. --Women's TwoSpirit
SupportGroupatHerltind, 2312N W. 39, OKC

\,::;;.
c~Ii~\~

Herland Voice December. 1999 Paae 3

Herl and Sister Resources
2312 N.W. 39
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
Address

NonProfit Org .
U.S. Postage

PAID ·
Oklahoma City, OK
Permit No. 861

Serv~ceRequest-ed

Support our Supporters
t.arP PLU"!BING

r

844-1951
"FORALL YOURPLUMBINGNEEDS"

\i\~StlC _
f:OREst tReaSUR€S
' t-incl&- " oils • c;andla • impotts

c.n.- ~-

• Cll"falals " ...,..... • JaOclrt
t unict- A un.-at gffk

•~. &tlpplica

llJ~S"-1

Nonnm, OK 73069

Nalmha 1Ul;c (4'») 447-J 111

Pqe4 Herland Voice December. 1999

REBECCA R COHN, Ph.D.
CLINICALPSYCHOLOGY

321-2148
Individual - Couples
Family Therapy, Retreats

P.O. Box 5119
Norman, Okla. .73070

THE LAW OFFICE OF SANDY INGRAHAM
@ TURTLE CREEK

NANCY NESSER, J.0.
ASSOCIATE

RouTE 2.. SOX ~B

TEl.EPHoNE ('°5) 964-2072
Mcl.ouo, OKLAHOMA 74851
FAX (405) 964·2058 ·
email • n1nesser@aol.mm



December 1999

DEAR SANTA,

HELP WANTED

I have been very good all year, and am writing to ask you for
just one present this Christmas: the same rights and privileges for
me, a lesbian, that heterosexuals enjoy. And what is heterosexual
privilege, you ask? I'll tell you.
..,. Marrying ..... which includes the following privileges:
Public recognition and support for an intimate relationship
(e.g. receiving cards or phone calls celebrating your commitment
to another person; supporting activities and social expectations of
longevity.and stability for your committed relationships.
Paid leave from employment and condolences when grieving
the death of your partner/lover .
Inheriting from your partner/lover/companion automatically
under probate laws.
Sharing health, auto, and homeowners' insurance policies at
reduced, "family" rates
Immediate access to your loved ones in cases of accident or
emergency.
..- Kissing/hugging/dancing/being affectionate in public without
threat or punishment.
..,. Talking about your relationship and what projects, vacations,
family planing you and your lover/partner are creating.
..- Not questioning your normalcy, sexually or culturally.
..,. Expressing pain when a relationship ends and having other
people notice and attend to your pain.
..,. Adopting children, foster-parenting children.
..,. Being employed as a teacher in pre-school through high school
without fear of being fired any day because you are assumed to
corrupt children.
..,. Raising children without threats of state intervention, without
children having to be worried which of their friends might reject
them because of their mother/s sexuality and culture.
..- Dating the person of your choice in your teen years .
..,. Living with your partner and doing so openly to all - i.e., putting
her picture on your desk at work.
..- Receiving validation from your religious community.
..- Receiving social acceptance from neighbors, colleagues, new
friends.
..,. Not having to hide and lie about women-only social activities .
..,. Working without always being identified by your sexuality/
culture -e.g., you getto be a farmer, brick layer, artist, Realtor, etc.
with being labeled the heterosexualJanner, the heterosexual Rea/tor, etc.
I thank you in advance, Santa, and look forward to tripping
the lightfantastic -without causing a sensation -with my sweetie
to the strains ofMiss Brown to You at Opening Night.
Yours, Maggie Mae
D
Volwne 17Nwnber 12

Are you looking for a place to contribute to the Oklahoma
women's community? Would you like to be more involved in
Herland? Volunteers are needed for all areas ofHerland's work- staffing the center on weekends, planning and helping to host
social events, writing for the newsletter, maintaining the building,
coordinating cultural and educational events and serving on the
Board of Directors.
Giveusacallat521-%96,dropbyontheweekendandtalkwith
the volunteer on duty or send us a note with your name, address,
phone number and email and let us know what you'd like to do.
Remember Herland is an all volunteer organization so if it takes a
while for someone to get back with you, just take that as a sign of
how much you are needed!
Board meetings are always open to the public so just stop by
Herland at4:30P.M. on the 3rd Sunday of any month. The next
meeting will be on December 19.
D

Whether you think it's the first day of a
new millennium, the first day of the last
year of the millennium or the first day of
the rest ofyour life.....

Celebrate the day at the

Her/and Open House
January 1, 2000
2 P.M. - 4 P.M .
We'll have traditional black-eyedpeas and
cabbage. You can bring your own special
New Year's dish to share.
See you there!

Herland Sister Resources

2312 N.W. 39 OKC OK 73112

ST. SYBIL
Sybil Ludington, Matron Saint ofthe Forgotten Woman, (she
did everything Paul Revere did, earlier and better, and got how
much recognition for it???) is an occasional contributor to this
space.
DearSt. Sybil:
How about a brief lesson in feminism and related topics? I
missed out on the "consciousness raising'' gatherings of the 70's
and 80' s, for the most part because I didn't really understand what
they were for. As akid I remember looking at newspapers and other
print media and thinking it odd that so many men got their pictures
in for all sorts of reasons while female images were mostly restricted
to the "Society" and "Home and Garden" pages. Yet, in my real
world wimmin were the shakers and movers.
I've been around feminists for many years, some more radical
than others. There were times when I could not heartheir message
because the messenger violated/challenged some of my "core
beliefs" and at the time I was unwilling or unable to go or look "in
there" .
So, Sybil, now I'mready, butwheredolstartlooking? Can you
help me? Is there any feminist instruction in my future?

Yours,
HopePhull

The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir
Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan
Home Girls, A Black Feminist Anthology edited by Barbara
Smith
The Female Eunuch, by Germaine Greer
Ain't I a Woman: black women and feminism by bell hooks
Lesbian Nation by Jill Johnston
Sexual Politics, by Kate Millett
Homophobia: A Weapon ofSexism, by Suzanne Pharr
Other writers to explore: Andrea Dworkin, Adrienne Rich,
Jewelle Gomez, Audre Lorde, Mary Daly, Vivian Gornick, Susan
Brownmiller, Gloria Steinem, Susan Griffin, Phyllis Chesler, Marge

Piercy ...
Poetry: Adrienne Rich, Marge Piercy, Ntosake Shange,
Chrystos (ok, Chrystos isn't that purely feminist, but you won' t
regret it, she is divinely erotic. Whew. Makes me sorry I'm purely
spirit these days!).
So, Hope: Havefun! I envyyou, discoveringthesewonderful
books for the first time.
In radical sisterhood,
Sybil
0

WoMEN's Two SPIRITS
SUPPORT GROUP

Dear Hope,
Herland had a "consciousness raising" group many years
ago; and ifyou could get a number offriends to commit to one night
a week for four months (yep, it's a lot) it's possible they would do
it again. Heaven knows, my new friend Bella, Matron Saint of
Exuberant Integrity and Big Hats, is quite disturbed by the apathy
of American wimmin these days. As am I.
Bella has helped me create a very basic reading list for you,
almost all of which is doubtless available in the Herland lending
library. These will not only introduce you to feminism, they will give
you a good idea of what it was like in America before the Second
Wave offeminism (Today's "post-feminist" era is really a giant
step backwards to pure sexism, and will, Goddess willing, be
followed by a Third Wave that will last longer than - good grief!
-one short generation.)
Easy reading, (invigorating, animating, infuriating, mind expanding, epiphanizing, consciousness raising. thegreat"aha! creating):
The Women's Room, a novel by Marilyn French
From Housewife to Heretic; autobiography of Sonia Johnson
Sisterhood is Powerful, An Anthology Edited by Robin
Morgan
Masculine/Feminine, Readings in Sexual Mythology and the
Liberation of Women, edited by Betty Rosz.ak and Theodore

Rosz.ak
The DescentofWoman, by Elaine Morgan (will forever change
the way you look at evolution and "pop" anthropology)
Her/and, a utopian novel by Charlotte Perkins Gilman(from the
first waveoffeminism)
Lesbian Woman, by Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon
Harder work, but worth it: good core feminist theory
Paae 2 Her/and Voice December. 1999

Are you a lesbian womanofNative American or First Nations
descent? Are you the friend, family or spouse of someone who is?
Then come and join our new group developed just for you!
At our first organizing meeting the group decided to make this
support group a women's only safe space. ( I feel it is important for
you to know that there is also another local two-spirits group that
has been formed for all genders to attend. You can find out more
about that group by contacting the Ahalaya Native Health Center.)
Our women's group will be meeting each month on the 1111
Saturday ofthe month at 7:00 P.M. Meetings will be heldatHerland
Sister' s Resources, 2312N.W. 39thSt.
At the December 411i meetingwearemakingMedicineBags and
talking about their role in the Native American culture. Laura Choate
(Choctaw) will be leading this session and sharing her wisdom on
this subject. Megweech to Laura for her work!
The monthofJanuary (on Jan. 1111 ) we will also have an exciting
meeting. Arrangements have been made to show the film ''Honored
By The Moon". This is a film made about the very first Annual
National Two-Spirits Gathering ever held. Please come and enjoy
this special opportunity to learn about a unique time in the history
and development ofthe Native American/First Nations Two-Spirit
community!
Many blessings to Herland Sisters Resources for the use of
their facility and to the Minnesota American Indian AIDs:t'ask
Force for the use of their film.
In the Spirit of the Circle,
Denise Smith
D

ranks of the largest GLBT organizations do not reflect the racial

COALITION POLITICS: THE WORK
THAT FUELS PROGRESSIVE CHANGE
By Kerry Lobel, Executive Director, NGL TF
Last month, the folks at the Lambda Book Report askedme to
write a short article about a book or books that had informed my
life as an organizer. One of my favorite picks was "Home Girls: A
Black Feminist Anthology," edited by Barbara Smith. My copy is
well worn and the essay·b y Bernice Johnson Reagon, "Coalition
Politics: Turning the Century" is especially dog-eared.
The essay stems from a talk Reagon gave in 198 l at the
beginning of that decade and her argument was both simple and
profound: our need for each other, our ultimate interdependence,
creates a political atmosphere particularly conducive to coalition
building. She argues that by building coalitions, we move beyond
our own comfortable rooms and into a world where social change
is truly possible.
She knows, as most ofus do, that the work ofcoalition building
for social change pinches and pulls. She writes, "Coalition work is
not work done in your home... And it is some of the most dangerous
work you can do. And you shouldn't look for comfort. Some people
will come to a coalition.and they rate the success of the coalition
whether or not they feel good when they get there. They're not
lookingfora coalition, they're looking fora home! They're looking
forabottlewithsomemilkinitandanipple, whichdoesn'thappen
in a coalition. You don't get a lot offood in a coalition.You don't
get fed a lot in a coalition. In a coalition you have to give, and it is
different from your home. You can't stay there all the time. You go
the coalition for a few hours and then you go back and take your
bottle wherever it is, and then you go back and coalesce some

more."
Reagon challenges us to move beyond our own safety and to
unbar the doors of the rooms that divide us from each other, to
move freely and intentionally from room to room. To do so, will
require some of us to feel uncomfortable, but our discomfort may
be a sure sign that something is changing around us.
One of the places needing changing is the leadership of our
GLBT movement. Our movement's leadership, to be blunt, lacks
diversity. Although many national GLBT groups have closed the
gender gap in leadership positions, few have crossed the race line.
People ofcolor in leadership positions abound, many running local
and national nonprofits in the lllV/AIDS movement, others serving as elected or appointed officials, others still working in nonGLBT social change organizations. But overall, the leadership

The Voice is published by:.Hetfand Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th; Oklahoma City, OK 73112.
The Voice is offered as an open forum for community discourse.
Articles reflect the opinions of the author and not necessarily
those of Herland Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and
letters to the editor are welcomed and must be signed by the
writer with fulf name and address. Upon request, letters or
articles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Subscriptions to The Voice are free upon request although a
donation is requested to meet publication and distribution
costs.

diversity ofAmerican society. In fact, only one GLBT organization,
LLEGO, is headed by a person of color.
AtNGLTF, wearetryingtodoourparttounbarthedoors. We
recently convened the National Leadership Roundtableto discuss
the barriers to people of color leadership of the GLBT movement.
We' re looking at ways to strengthen local people of color GLBT
groups - and are calling on others to do the same. We also were
pleased to recently receive a$200,000 grantfrom the Ford Foundation to study the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender
elderly, people of color and those who are poor or on limited
incomes.
As Reagon argues, by building coalitions, we have moved
beyond our own comfortable rooms and into a world where social
change is truly possible. That's what progressive movements are
all about.
And that is why we who are lucky enough to labor in a
0
progressive movement come to work every day.

Events Around ·rown
Saturday, December!!, 5:30PM--Herland
Supper Club meets at Tommy's in Ahrth Park Mall
for Italian food
Saturday, December 11, 9:00 PM -- Peggy
Johnson at Diversity Coffee Shop, 1739NW16,

OKC
Saturday, December 11, 9 PM -- The Therapy
Sisters(with Mary Catherine Reynolds andElyse)
at the Blue Door, 2805 N McKinley, OKC,
Sunday, December 19, 7PM -- Partners Christmas
Party with a number oflocalperformers ,2805
NW.36,0KC
Friday, .December 31--MissBrown To You at
Opening Night at the Arena Theater in Stage
Center.
Saturday, -J anuary 1, 2 - 4 PM -- Her/and Open
House, 2312 NW. 39, OKC
Saturday,Januaryl, 7P.M. --Women's TwoSpirit
SupportGroupatHerltind, 2312N W. 39, OKC

\,::;;.
c~Ii~\~

Herland Voice December. 1999 Paae 3

Herl and Sister Resources
2312 N.W. 39
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
Address

NonProfit Org .
U.S. Postage

PAID ·
Oklahoma City, OK
Permit No. 861

Serv~ceRequest-ed

Support our Supporters
t.arP PLU"!BING

r

844-1951
"FORALL YOURPLUMBINGNEEDS"

\i\~StlC _
f:OREst tReaSUR€S
' t-incl&- " oils • c;andla • impotts

c.n.- ~-

• Cll"falals " ...,..... • JaOclrt
t unict- A un.-at gffk

•~. &tlpplica

llJ~S"-1

Nonnm, OK 73069

Nalmha 1Ul;c (4'») 447-J 111

Pqe4 Herland Voice December. 1999

REBECCA R COHN, Ph.D.
CLINICALPSYCHOLOGY

321-2148
Individual - Couples
Family Therapy, Retreats

P.O. Box 5119
Norman, Okla. .73070

THE LAW OFFICE OF SANDY INGRAHAM
@ TURTLE CREEK

NANCY NESSER, J.0.
ASSOCIATE

RouTE 2.. SOX ~B

TEl.EPHoNE ('°5) 964-2072
Mcl.ouo, OKLAHOMA 74851
FAX (405) 964·2058 ·
email • n1nesser@aol.mm



December 1999

DEAR SANTA,

HELP WANTED

I have been very good all year, and am writing to ask you for
just one present this Christmas: the same rights and privileges for
me, a lesbian, that heterosexuals enjoy. And what is heterosexual
privilege, you ask? I'll tell you.
..,. Marrying ..... which includes the following privileges:
Public recognition and support for an intimate relationship
(e.g. receiving cards or phone calls celebrating your commitment
to another person; supporting activities and social expectations of
longevity.and stability for your committed relationships.
Paid leave from employment and condolences when grieving
the death of your partner/lover .
Inheriting from your partner/lover/companion automatically
under probate laws.
Sharing health, auto, and homeowners' insurance policies at
reduced, "family" rates
Immediate access to your loved ones in cases of accident or
emergency.
..- Kissing/hugging/dancing/being affectionate in public without
threat or punishment.
..,. Talking about your relationship and what projects, vacations,
family planing you and your lover/partner are creating.
..- Not questioning your normalcy, sexually or culturally.
..,. Expressing pain when a relationship ends and having other
people notice and attend to your pain.
..,. Adopting children, foster-parenting children.
..,. Being employed as a teacher in pre-school through high school
without fear of being fired any day because you are assumed to
corrupt children.
..,. Raising children without threats of state intervention, without
children having to be worried which of their friends might reject
them because of their mother/s sexuality and culture.
..- Dating the person of your choice in your teen years .
..,. Living with your partner and doing so openly to all - i.e., putting
her picture on your desk at work.
..- Receiving validation from your religious community.
..- Receiving social acceptance from neighbors, colleagues, new
friends.
..,. Not having to hide and lie about women-only social activities .
..,. Working without always being identified by your sexuality/
culture -e.g., you getto be a farmer, brick layer, artist, Realtor, etc.
with being labeled the heterosexualJanner, the heterosexual Rea/tor, etc.
I thank you in advance, Santa, and look forward to tripping
the lightfantastic -without causing a sensation -with my sweetie
to the strains ofMiss Brown to You at Opening Night.
Yours, Maggie Mae
D
Volwne 17Nwnber 12

Are you looking for a place to contribute to the Oklahoma
women's community? Would you like to be more involved in
Herland? Volunteers are needed for all areas ofHerland's work- staffing the center on weekends, planning and helping to host
social events, writing for the newsletter, maintaining the building,
coordinating cultural and educational events and serving on the
Board of Directors.
Giveusacallat521-%96,dropbyontheweekendandtalkwith
the volunteer on duty or send us a note with your name, address,
phone number and email and let us know what you'd like to do.
Remember Herland is an all volunteer organization so if it takes a
while for someone to get back with you, just take that as a sign of
how much you are needed!
Board meetings are always open to the public so just stop by
Herland at4:30P.M. on the 3rd Sunday of any month. The next
meeting will be on December 19.
D

Whether you think it's the first day of a
new millennium, the first day of the last
year of the millennium or the first day of
the rest ofyour life.....

Celebrate the day at the

Her/and Open House
January 1, 2000
2 P.M. - 4 P.M .
We'll have traditional black-eyedpeas and
cabbage. You can bring your own special
New Year's dish to share.
See you there!

Herland Sister Resources

2312 N.W. 39 OKC OK 73112

ST. SYBIL
Sybil Ludington, Matron Saint ofthe Forgotten Woman, (she
did everything Paul Revere did, earlier and better, and got how
much recognition for it???) is an occasional contributor to this
space.
DearSt. Sybil:
How about a brief lesson in feminism and related topics? I
missed out on the "consciousness raising'' gatherings of the 70's
and 80' s, for the most part because I didn't really understand what
they were for. As akid I remember looking at newspapers and other
print media and thinking it odd that so many men got their pictures
in for all sorts of reasons while female images were mostly restricted
to the "Society" and "Home and Garden" pages. Yet, in my real
world wimmin were the shakers and movers.
I've been around feminists for many years, some more radical
than others. There were times when I could not heartheir message
because the messenger violated/challenged some of my "core
beliefs" and at the time I was unwilling or unable to go or look "in
there" .
So, Sybil, now I'mready, butwheredolstartlooking? Can you
help me? Is there any feminist instruction in my future?

Yours,
HopePhull

The Second Sex, by Simone de Beauvoir
Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan
Home Girls, A Black Feminist Anthology edited by Barbara
Smith
The Female Eunuch, by Germaine Greer
Ain't I a Woman: black women and feminism by bell hooks
Lesbian Nation by Jill Johnston
Sexual Politics, by Kate Millett
Homophobia: A Weapon ofSexism, by Suzanne Pharr
Other writers to explore: Andrea Dworkin, Adrienne Rich,
Jewelle Gomez, Audre Lorde, Mary Daly, Vivian Gornick, Susan
Brownmiller, Gloria Steinem, Susan Griffin, Phyllis Chesler, Marge

Piercy ...
Poetry: Adrienne Rich, Marge Piercy, Ntosake Shange,
Chrystos (ok, Chrystos isn't that purely feminist, but you won' t
regret it, she is divinely erotic. Whew. Makes me sorry I'm purely
spirit these days!).
So, Hope: Havefun! I envyyou, discoveringthesewonderful
books for the first time.
In radical sisterhood,
Sybil
0

WoMEN's Two SPIRITS
SUPPORT GROUP

Dear Hope,
Herland had a "consciousness raising" group many years
ago; and ifyou could get a number offriends to commit to one night
a week for four months (yep, it's a lot) it's possible they would do
it again. Heaven knows, my new friend Bella, Matron Saint of
Exuberant Integrity and Big Hats, is quite disturbed by the apathy
of American wimmin these days. As am I.
Bella has helped me create a very basic reading list for you,
almost all of which is doubtless available in the Herland lending
library. These will not only introduce you to feminism, they will give
you a good idea of what it was like in America before the Second
Wave offeminism (Today's "post-feminist" era is really a giant
step backwards to pure sexism, and will, Goddess willing, be
followed by a Third Wave that will last longer than - good grief!
-one short generation.)
Easy reading, (invigorating, animating, infuriating, mind expanding, epiphanizing, consciousness raising. thegreat"aha! creating):
The Women's Room, a novel by Marilyn French
From Housewife to Heretic; autobiography of Sonia Johnson
Sisterhood is Powerful, An Anthology Edited by Robin
Morgan
Masculine/Feminine, Readings in Sexual Mythology and the
Liberation of Women, edited by Betty Rosz.ak and Theodore

Rosz.ak
The DescentofWoman, by Elaine Morgan (will forever change
the way you look at evolution and "pop" anthropology)
Her/and, a utopian novel by Charlotte Perkins Gilman(from the
first waveoffeminism)
Lesbian Woman, by Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon
Harder work, but worth it: good core feminist theory
Paae 2 Her/and Voice December. 1999

Are you a lesbian womanofNative American or First Nations
descent? Are you the friend, family or spouse of someone who is?
Then come and join our new group developed just for you!
At our first organizing meeting the group decided to make this
support group a women's only safe space. ( I feel it is important for
you to know that there is also another local two-spirits group that
has been formed for all genders to attend. You can find out more
about that group by contacting the Ahalaya Native Health Center.)
Our women's group will be meeting each month on the 1111
Saturday ofthe month at 7:00 P.M. Meetings will be heldatHerland
Sister' s Resources, 2312N.W. 39thSt.
At the December 411i meetingwearemakingMedicineBags and
talking about their role in the Native American culture. Laura Choate
(Choctaw) will be leading this session and sharing her wisdom on
this subject. Megweech to Laura for her work!
The monthofJanuary (on Jan. 1111 ) we will also have an exciting
meeting. Arrangements have been made to show the film ''Honored
By The Moon". This is a film made about the very first Annual
National Two-Spirits Gathering ever held. Please come and enjoy
this special opportunity to learn about a unique time in the history
and development ofthe Native American/First Nations Two-Spirit
community!
Many blessings to Herland Sisters Resources for the use of
their facility and to the Minnesota American Indian AIDs:t'ask
Force for the use of their film.
In the Spirit of the Circle,
Denise Smith
D

ranks of the largest GLBT organizations do not reflect the racial

COALITION POLITICS: THE WORK
THAT FUELS PROGRESSIVE CHANGE
By Kerry Lobel, Executive Director, NGL TF
Last month, the folks at the Lambda Book Report askedme to
write a short article about a book or books that had informed my
life as an organizer. One of my favorite picks was "Home Girls: A
Black Feminist Anthology," edited by Barbara Smith. My copy is
well worn and the essay·b y Bernice Johnson Reagon, "Coalition
Politics: Turning the Century" is especially dog-eared.
The essay stems from a talk Reagon gave in 198 l at the
beginning of that decade and her argument was both simple and
profound: our need for each other, our ultimate interdependence,
creates a political atmosphere particularly conducive to coalition
building. She argues that by building coalitions, we move beyond
our own comfortable rooms and into a world where social change
is truly possible.
She knows, as most ofus do, that the work ofcoalition building
for social change pinches and pulls. She writes, "Coalition work is
not work done in your home... And it is some of the most dangerous
work you can do. And you shouldn't look for comfort. Some people
will come to a coalition.and they rate the success of the coalition
whether or not they feel good when they get there. They're not
lookingfora coalition, they're looking fora home! They're looking
forabottlewithsomemilkinitandanipple, whichdoesn'thappen
in a coalition. You don't get a lot offood in a coalition.You don't
get fed a lot in a coalition. In a coalition you have to give, and it is
different from your home. You can't stay there all the time. You go
the coalition for a few hours and then you go back and take your
bottle wherever it is, and then you go back and coalesce some

more."
Reagon challenges us to move beyond our own safety and to
unbar the doors of the rooms that divide us from each other, to
move freely and intentionally from room to room. To do so, will
require some of us to feel uncomfortable, but our discomfort may
be a sure sign that something is changing around us.
One of the places needing changing is the leadership of our
GLBT movement. Our movement's leadership, to be blunt, lacks
diversity. Although many national GLBT groups have closed the
gender gap in leadership positions, few have crossed the race line.
People ofcolor in leadership positions abound, many running local
and national nonprofits in the lllV/AIDS movement, others serving as elected or appointed officials, others still working in nonGLBT social change organizations. But overall, the leadership

The Voice is published by:.Hetfand Sister Resources, Inc.
2312 N.W. 39th; Oklahoma City, OK 73112.
The Voice is offered as an open forum for community discourse.
Articles reflect the opinions of the author and not necessarily
those of Herland Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and
letters to the editor are welcomed and must be signed by the
writer with fulf name and address. Upon request, letters or
articles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Subscriptions to The Voice are free upon request although a
donation is requested to meet publication and distribution
costs.

diversity ofAmerican society. In fact, only one GLBT organization,
LLEGO, is headed by a person of color.
AtNGLTF, wearetryingtodoourparttounbarthedoors. We
recently convened the National Leadership Roundtableto discuss
the barriers to people of color leadership of the GLBT movement.
We' re looking at ways to strengthen local people of color GLBT
groups - and are calling on others to do the same. We also were
pleased to recently receive a$200,000 grantfrom the Ford Foundation to study the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender
elderly, people of color and those who are poor or on limited
incomes.
As Reagon argues, by building coalitions, we have moved
beyond our own comfortable rooms and into a world where social
change is truly possible. That's what progressive movements are
all about.
And that is why we who are lucky enough to labor in a
0
progressive movement come to work every day.

Events Around ·rown
Saturday, December!!, 5:30PM--Herland
Supper Club meets at Tommy's in Ahrth Park Mall
for Italian food
Saturday, December 11, 9:00 PM -- Peggy
Johnson at Diversity Coffee Shop, 1739NW16,

OKC
Saturday, December 11, 9 PM -- The Therapy
Sisters(with Mary Catherine Reynolds andElyse)
at the Blue Door, 2805 N McKinley, OKC,
Sunday, December 19, 7PM -- Partners Christmas
Party with a number oflocalperformers ,2805
NW.36,0KC
Friday, .December 31--MissBrown To You at
Opening Night at the Arena Theater in Stage
Center.
Saturday, -J anuary 1, 2 - 4 PM -- Her/and Open
House, 2312 NW. 39, OKC
Saturday,Januaryl, 7P.M. --Women's TwoSpirit
SupportGroupatHerltind, 2312N W. 39, OKC

\,::;;.
c~Ii~\~

Herland Voice December. 1999 Paae 3

Herl and Sister Resources
2312 N.W. 39
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
Address

NonProfit Org .
U.S. Postage

PAID ·
Oklahoma City, OK
Permit No. 861

Serv~ceRequest-ed

Support our Supporters
t.arP PLU"!BING

r

844-1951
"FORALL YOURPLUMBINGNEEDS"

\i\~StlC _
f:OREst tReaSUR€S
' t-incl&- " oils • c;andla • impotts

c.n.- ~-

• Cll"falals " ...,..... • JaOclrt
t unict- A un.-at gffk

•~. &tlpplica

llJ~S"-1

Nonnm, OK 73069

Nalmha 1Ul;c (4'») 447-J 111

Pqe4 Herland Voice December. 1999

REBECCA R COHN, Ph.D.
CLINICALPSYCHOLOGY

321-2148
Individual - Couples
Family Therapy, Retreats

P.O. Box 5119
Norman, Okla. .73070

THE LAW OFFICE OF SANDY INGRAHAM
@ TURTLE CREEK

NANCY NESSER, J.0.
ASSOCIATE

RouTE 2.. SOX ~B

TEl.EPHoNE ('°5) 964-2072
Mcl.ouo, OKLAHOMA 74851
FAX (405) 964·2058 ·
email • n1nesser@aol.mm