Herland Sister Resources : v.4: no.10(1987)
- Title
- Herland Sister Resources : v.4: no.10(1987)
- Description
- The Herland Sister Resources newsletter is the monthly publication of Herland Sister Resources, a womanist organization with a strong lesbian focus based in Oklahoma City.
- Publisher
- en_US Herland Sister Resources
- Date Issued
- 1987-01
- Rights
- All rights reserved by Herland Sister Resources. Contact UCO Archives & Special Collections for the permission policy on the use, reproduction or distribution of these materials.
- Is Part Of
- Herland Sisters Resources
- Creator
- Herland Sister Resources
- Date
- 2017-09-02T17:00:17Z
- Date Available
- 2017-09-02T17:00:17Z
- Subject
- Oklahoma
- Type
- application/pdf
- extracted text
-
VOLUME 4, NUMBER 10
JANUARY 1987
IT'S A PRIVATE MATTER
In 1985, Pamela Rae Stewart, a San
Diego resident, learned from her physician
that her pregnancy was complicated by a
misaligned placenta.
She was told
to
avoid sex and street drugs and to take a
prescribed medication. On Nov. 23, 1985
she gave birth to a brain-dead son who
died Jan. 1, 1986.
What makes this case significant is
that Stewart has been charged by El Cajon
authorities with a misdemeanor: willfully
failing to provide necessary care for her
child.
In short, noncompliance
with
doctor's orders constitutes child abuse .
The case pr esents serious social, legal,
and moral imp l 1cations.
Already, t here are local reverberations.
A recent report in the San Jose
Mercury News said a supervisor in the
has
Santa Clara County Juvenile 'Court
"drafted proposed legislation that would
make the fetus a ward of the court if the
mother ingests
potentially
dangerous
(legal or illegal) substances, or fails
to eat a healthy diet."
Under those provisions, the fetus has
the same rights of protection as a child.
An expectant mother suspected of endangering her unborn b~by could be detained.
However, what is not clear is how specific
behavior can be shown to have specific
consequences before the fact, that
is,
before the baby is born.
Moreover, at what point will the line
be drawn that friends and relatives are
also responsible for the health of the
fetus, for example, in the case of secondary effects of smoking? Despite the rule
of confidentiality, even the physician
may be expected to turn state's evidence
HERLAND SISTER RESOURCES, INC.
1630 NW 19, Oklahoma City, OK 73106
that the patient is not in compliance and
is thereby jeopardizing the health of the
fetus.
The Stewart case presents a new
twist on the old controversy of abortion.
As obstetricians more and more become
physicians to the fetus, the motffer !s
basic legal rights of boQily integrity
and self determination are forsaken
despite lack of medical knowledge
about
the direct consequences of her behavior
on the fetus' well-being.
Furthermore, if regulating the wellbeing of the fetus becomes the norm,
doesn't this really mean regulating the
behavior of the expectant mother? The
charges in a case such as this revert to
defining the pregnant woman as a secondcl ass citizen, simply a carrier of the
products of conception within her.
The trend of the current administration's ideology is that the condition of
one's health is an individual responsibility but to be monitored by the state.
While money may not buy happiness, it can
insure better nutrition and a more hygienic
environment.
If we as individuals are
solely responsible for our own health and
well-being, can the poor then be prosecuted for their poverty?
The real question of the Stewart case
directly reflects how this ideology can
overstep the boundaries of the balancing
of civil liberties with
governmental
regulation. When does the private affair
of a pregnancy become a public issue, and
when is the moral dimension of prenatal
care that of the public domain?
SYNAPSE, Oct. 16, 1986,
Board of Publications
University of CA.
HERLAND SISTER RESOURCES LIBRARY UPDATE
announces
the next meeting of the collective
Open to the Public
Sunday, January 18, 1987, 6:00 p.m.
1630 N.W. 19, OKC
Publisher:
Herland Sister Resources
Advertising: Loral Reeves, 495-1094
Circulation: 600
CAN YOU HELP?
Sue Perryman,
native of Oklahoma,
owns a pony ride and travels the carnival
In October of this year she lost
routes.
all she owned (except her ponies),
when
her motor home burned up. Included in her
losses were the $1800 she had saved to buy
winter feed, and her impressive collection
of lesbian/feminist music, books,
tee
shirts, etc. Due to rising costs, Sue had
let her insurance lapse until
she could
get to Arizona
to purchase less costly
coverage. There is little hope of recovering her losses. Sue's situation falls
"through the crack~
of social services.
Because she owns eight valuable
ponies
(overdue feed bills and no means to haul
them, not withstanding),
she has
been
denied food stamps or any substantial
assistance.
Sue has received some aid from family
and friends in the area. D.J. 's Crescendo
Club in Oklahoma City collected $100 to
help Sue get back on the road.
Phoenix
Wheeler, HSR board member has helped by
collecting food, clothing, eyeglasses, etc.
While attending to basic needs, Sue stili
longs for
the comforts of music (Meg
Christian, Chris Williamson, Betsy Rose,
Cathy Winter, Ferron, Teresa Trull ... ) and
literature, especially out of print titles
like Old Dyke's Tales, by Lee Lynch. Contributions (including cash or course) will
reach Sue c/o Herland or c/o P.O. Box 924,
Norman, OK. 73070.
The Herland Lending Library needs
your help!
We are in the process of
revamping the Library and we have found
that there are a considerable amount of
overdue books (some books are 2+ years
overdue).
In the past month we have
notified some of the persons who have
overdue books with very little response.
On several, we do not have a current address. The Lending Library is for everyone who has a Library Membership or who
is a "Friend of Herland." People who become a · Friend of Herland are automatically granted library membership. Also, until
the books that are overdue are returned to
the Library, no other books can be checked
out.
Books can be checked out for two
weeks, but we are flexible about the two
weeks check out time for members who live
outside the metro area.
We want all
members of Herl and Lending Library ·v , to
enjoy the collection of books that are
available and unless these policies are
enforced the collection will diminish in
time.
So do us a favor and check your
book shelves and see if you have some
forgotten books that need to be returned
to Herland.
Your help
in this matter
will be greatly appreciated.
ALCOHOLISM CONFERENCE
Country View, a private alcoholism
treatment program, is sponsoring a conference on adult children of alcoholics,
March 11-14 in Tulsa. For more
informaion contact:
Conference Coordiantor
Country View
12300 East 91 St.
Broken Arrow, OK 74012
SPECIAL PRINT SALE
OKC artist, Bernadette Martinez, has
donated signed prints
from her show at
the Waterford to help in Herland's fundraising drive.
The prints are being
offered at a special price of only $15
and are available at Herland now.
WORKING GROUP STUDIES LESBIAN BATTERING
The Working Group on Lesbian Battering announces
a research
project on
Violence in Lesbian Relationships.
This
Study, conducted by a Philadelphia sociologist,
Claire Renzetti, has been enby the Working Group, which has
dorsed
served as an advisory board to the study
since its inception. Victims and survivors of lesbian abuse are asked to complete a questionnaire on the violence in
their relationships.
The group
needs
your help to fulfill its goals of ra1s1ng
the community's consciousness about this
problem and developing
services
for
victims .
To receive a copy of the questionnaire, send you name (or a pseudonym)
and address to:
Dr. Claire Renzetti
5600 City Line Avenue
Philadelphia, PA 19131
The Working Group itself has been
meeting since September 1984 and has been
involved in community education, improving resources for victims and survivors,
and offering a support group for battered
lesbians.
For further
information,
contact Shawn Tower c/o Women
Against
Abuse (215-686-7082)
or the
Battered
Lesbian Support Group (215-592-4583).
JUDY CHICAGO TO SPEAK IN NORMAN
Artist, Judy Chicago,
is scheduled
to speak at the South Central
Women's
Studies
Association
Conference.
The
conference will be March 27 &28 on the
Univ. of Okla. campus, and Ms. Chicago's
Birth Project will be exhibited by
the
OU Museum of Art in connection with this
event. The museum is asking for donations
to
help defray the cost of rental and
shipping.
If you would like
to help,
call Jane
Hallett, 325-3272. Watch for
more details on the conference in next
month's newsletter.
WOMEN'S EQUALITY ACT 10 YEARS OLD
The Women's Educational Equity Act
{WEEA) Publishing Center is celebrating
it's tenth year as publisher & distributor
of over 280 print & audiovisual materials,
all focused on gender-fair
education .
WEEA is a federally funded product that
provides grants
to develop practic ~ l,
field-based programs and
materials to ·
sex. equality.
The research and teach ing materials developed under these grants
for free
are sold to the public. Write
catalog:
WEEA Publishing Center
Educational Development Ctr.
55 Chapel St.
Newton, Ma 02160
Up &Coming 12/86
FAKE CLINICS
Oklahoma Religious
Coalition for
Abortion
Rights
(ORCAR) has just pub1ished a new brochure on
Oklahoma's
clinics" entitled BEWARE OF ADS
"bogus
LIKE THIS.
It also lists those bona
fide clinics in Oklahoma that offer nonjudgemental,
full option information,
and counseling and refferals for women
making reproductive decisions.
Copies
man be secured by writing:
OSCAR
P.O. Box 50193
Tulsa, OK 74150
(mi) KE_MCO
l g PRINTING INC.
Kelley Mattocks
340-4301
1601 S. Broadway. Unit D •Edmond. Okla. 73013
r---------1
848-5429
SHIRLEY M. HUNTER, M.A.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR
PENN PARK OFFICE COMPLEX• SUITE 102
5009 N PENNSYLVANIA• OKLAHOMA CITY, OK 73112
I
I
I
Loral C. Reeves
C.P.A.
1014 Cedardale Drive
Okla. City, OK 73127
I
II
ic---------.40.5/49.5-1094
BOOKS DONATED TO HERLAND
OU WOMEN'S BASKETBALL
Recently, Herland acquired several
boxes of books from Maren & Pearl from
San Antonio after the Las Mujeres Women's
Bookstore closed. We greatly appreciate
these additions to our library and after
inspection of the books
were surprised
that very few were duplicates. Since the
list of new books is too lengthy to print,
a few titles are: Changing Women in a
Changing Society; The Other Half; Superwoman; Free & Female; Beyond Intellectual
Sexism.
These books are presently being
processed and will be available to check
out within the next few weeks. There are
from
a great number of books available
this donation, and we greatly appreciate
Maren & Pearl donating the books to Herland.
Congratulations to the University of
Oklahoma women's basketball team, which
took first place in the L'eggs Invitational Tournament over the Thanksgiving holiday. The Sooners won with victories over
UT-San Antonio (67-63) and New Mexico
State
(80-71).
The 1986 Big Eight
Champ's
schedule for January home games
is as follows:
Jan. 6 Kansas State, 7 p.m.
Jan. 8 Tulane, 7 p.m.
Jan. 10 Colorado State, 7 p.m.
Jan. 14 Kansas, 7 p.m.
Jan. 21 Okla. State, 5: 15 p.m.
Jan. 24 Nebraska, 7 p.m.
Jan. 31 Iowa State, 7 p.m.
COMING OUT TO MOTHERS
We are Lesbians, collecting stories
about how womyn came out to their mothers.
We are interested in the events, thoughts,
and feelings that womyn experienced while·
coming out, and the reactions
they got
from their mothers. All too often in
works
about
coming out, Lesbians are
grouped with
"gays"
and mothers are
lumped with "parents." We see the need
to recognize the power of the daughtermother relationship in the coming out
process.
We hope this anthology will encompass
the lives of all womyn so that we can
have a book that provides information and
validates our feelings as Lesbians who
have already come out or who are in the
process of coming out to our mothers.
Please send stories (poetry, photographs, etc.) or inquiries to:
Carr/Yates
P.O. Box 6031
Minneapolis, MN 55406
__ ,.. __
n&~ ~rCNf ~Orl'\\n~ 09'
LARRY M. PRATER, M. D.
318 Cbsscn Prnfcssion•I Bldg.
1110 N. Closson Blvd.
Okbhoma Ciry, Ok. 73106-6808
TRUST
'11,n°'
INTlM~C..Y
1~~~~3';~I
i
I
A croup for Lesbian and lllY Catholics
and their friends
MASS CELEBRATED TWICE MONTHLY
for information call
Mary Ann
2
u :.
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:::s.
L-. -
1·-11-11-11
_
Puctico Limited
to Psychia tty
OHice Hnurs
By Appoiotmcot
Helen Holgate
Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
Counselor
I
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Oeverly K. Evans, M.5.W.
1010 NW 45
Oklahoma City
521-8241
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Hllill&n
n- "
PRO-FEMINISM AND
NONVIOLENCE
BY SAM DIENER
"As WRL has played an important
role in counselling men who are unwilling to commit aggression in wars,
it might consider playing a compara·
ble role in counselling men who would
like to know how to resist committing
aggression at home -against women" - Barbara Deming
"The War Resisters league affirms that
war is a crime against humanity"
WE
live in a constant state of civil war.
It is waged in our neighborhoods, hidden,
and largely unacknowledged. In the U.S.
alone there are a million casualties and
thousands of deaths in this war. It is a war
of male violence against women and action against this war, especially by those
of us who are men, fs long overdue.
The feminist movement is striving to
analyze and expose the nature and the
causes of this war. In response to challenges by feminists, some men are begin·
ning to acknowledge their responsibility
to work against men's violence and its
causes. Many of us call ourselves "profeminists"' and are seeking to build a
movement of men who support the
struggles and goals of the feminist
movement. We are working to help ourselves and other men become more nonviolent, open, cooperative, and caring
human beings.
PATRIARCHY AS
INSTITUTIONALIZED WAR
"We therefore are determined not to
support any kind of war, interna·
tional or civil . .. "
We live under patriarchal rule. Pat·
riarchy is a system where males are given
sexual, cultural, social, religious, and
political power over females. In our patriarchal society, men's violence against
women is at war-like levels. Since crimes
against women are notoriously under·
Sam Diener works with WRL s St.
Louis Local. He is also a member ofthe
WRL National Committee.
reported, the total number of deaths and
injuries are hard to detennine. Yet des·
pite the difficulties of compiling statis·
tics, the U.S. government estimates that
there are at least 300,000 women raped
by men and 2,000,000 women battered by
men each year. If casualties on this scale
were being inflicted in a conventional
war, it would merit daily headlines and
weekly "body counts" on the network
newscasts. Instead, our mass media portrays this type of violence and dehumanization as a source of pleasure through
depictions of women who enjoy pain and
men who enjoy inflicting it.
The effects of male violence are far
reaching. In some ways, all women in our
society are held captive. Some women
are held captive by men who batter them.
Other women are captive in their homes
in a different sense. They are taught never
to walk outside alone, especially at night.
The degree to which their movement on
the street is restricted by the fear and
reality of male violence is the degree to
which a woman lives in occupied territory.
PATRIARCHY AND MEN
Patriarchy, in addition to waging war
on women, also instills values and encourages behavior in.males which are a
primary root of international war and a
model for other fonns of oppression.
Boys around the world are taught
through toys, rituals, and myths to glorify
the use of violence to fight for themselves
and their countries. Patriarchy teaches
men to view each other as enemies and
competitors for racial, economic, politi·
cal, and sexual status. This makes it possible for us to wage war against each
other. We are only "unified" in one thing:
patriarchy confers upon all men, as men,
power over women.
Additionally, since the first role and
value differentiation children become
aware of is based on gender, the oppres·
sion of females becomes a model for
other fonns of oppression based on race,
sexual orientation, class, lx>dy size. Each
fonn of oppression has its own unique
dynamics, but the patriarchal model of
oppression is pervasive and constitutes a
foundation of every "modem" society
around the world. For this reason, and
because women are almost always oppressed within the group, I believe no
analysis of, or struggle against, other
fonns of oppression are complete without an analysis of and a commitment to
resist patriarchy.
THE MEANING OF
PRO-FEMINISM
"... and to strive nonviolently for the
removal of all causes of war . .. "
The idea of pro-feminism is a relatively
new one and there is some controversy
over the need for the word. Why not caff
everyone working to dismantle male
supremacy a feminist? I think the issue
has parallels to the debate over affirmative action as a mechanism to resist racism. Some people claim affirmative action is itself racist since it depends on
consciousness of race. But affinnative ac·
tion does not create race consciousness.
It affinns the reality that we live in a
racist society that is already race conscious. The question to be answered is
how we are going to act on this consciousness. Affirmative action motivates
white-dominated institutions to acknowledge their racism and take affirmative
steps toward change. There is a funda·
mental difference between race consciousness and racism. Racism, as defined by Webster's, is the exercise of
power over a group based on racial prejudice. Affinnative action is a step toward eroding the power differential that
underlies racism.
Similarly, sexism is power and prejudice based on sex, and any movement
working against patriarchal power needs
to be sex conscious in order to take affir·
mative steps to confront sexism. The use
of the tenn pro-feminism motivates men
to acknowledge our sexism and take
steps to change. If feminism was "only" a
philosophy, then certainly anyone, male
or female, who believed in feminism
would be a feminist, just as anyone who
believes in pacifism is a pacifist. But
feminism, as I understand it, is also a
THE NONVIOLENT ACTMST/JULY·AUGUST 1986
movement of people working to em·
power women. (I am differentiating here
between the patriarchal concept of
domination based on power over others,
and the feminist concept of liberation
based on empowerment, the power to
create, to define oneself, and to build
cooperative relationships). But I don't
think it is possible for me as a man to
empower women, just as I don't think it is
possible for me as a person with white
skin to liberate people of color.
Thus my definition of feminism above
was inaccurate. I understand feminism to
be a movement of women working to
empower women. According to this de·
finition, it doesn't make sense for men to
call themselves feminists. Some who
argue that men can be feminists claim
that rigidly defined gender roles hurt and
dehumanize men too, therefore,
feminism should be a movement for
human liberation from the tyranny of
gender roles. I agree with the analysis as
far as it goes. But I think it disregards the
idea that patriarchy also confers power
over women and privileges to men solely
because we are male. Gender roles re·
strict women and men but particular
gender roles that are characteristic of
modem "civilization" oppress women
and thereby necessitate a movement of
the oppressed group, women, to over·
come their oppression. Many women, in
the interest of eventually overcoming
this power differential, believe some men
should be termed feminists. But as a man
supportive of feminism, I don't want to
call myself a feminist.
The concept of pro-feminism was a
revelation for me, and its importance to
me continues to grow. For me it means I
can reaffirm myself as a man, challenging
myself and other men to change, and
supporting men as we struggle with those
changes. It means I can acknowledge that
I do not just happen to be biologically
male, but that I was indoctrinated with a
male supremacist ideology. It means I
can affirm my own changes without deny·
ing my experience. It transforms guilt
into a sense of responsibility to act.
THE PRO-FEMINIST MOVEMENT
Pro-feminism has its roots in the late
1960's and early 70's when some men
began men's anti-sexists consciousness
raising groups patterned on those of the
women's movement, and the gay libera·
tion movement stormed out of the closet.
The first national conference on men and
masculinity was held 11 years ago, and
THE NONVIOLENT AC1MST/JULY-AUGUST 1986
the National Organization for Changing
Men (NOCM), a pro-feminist and gay af·
firmative group is 5 years old. Last June,
NOCM initiated the first nationally
coordinated demonstrations of men pro·
testing men's war against women, enti·
tied Brotherstorm. The first men's group
dedicated to ending men's rape and bat·
tery of women was formed 7 years ago
after challenges from the burgeoning
feminist anti-rape and battered women's
movements. One of these groups, Rape
and Violence End Now (RA VEN) is a
group I have worked with for the last
year.
RA VEN's purpose is to build peer
pressure among men to end men's vio·
Ience against women. Our primary activ·
ity is to counsel, in groups, men who
batter in order to confront violent and
abusive behavior, share methods of deal·
ing with conflict nonviolently, and sup·
port each other as we struggle to change.
The groups are weekly nonviolence prep·
aration sessions for daily life, designed
for men who batter: We teach that the
causes of the battering are not just man's
inability to express anger nonviolently,
but a socialized and culturally supported
desire, and belief in a right to dominate
and control his partner. The violence is
used and chosen in an attempt to achieve
this control. We only counsel a small
proportion of men who batter in the St.
Louis area, and our counselling program
primarily begins after the violence occurs
and deals mostly with battering, not rape.
We also do public speaking/education
once a week in order to change our cul·
tural support for the male war against
women.
My work at RA VEN has inspired me,
taught me, and strengthened my
pacifism. Watching myself and other
men change, and some, I believe, change
profoundly, has convinced me of the
value of this style of organizing. One of
the most valuable lessons I've learned at
RAVEN is the incredible power of Bar·
bara Deming's description of nonvio·
Jenee as being two handed: one hand
firmly saying to a person acting oppres·
sively, "I will not allow this violence to
continue unhindered and unopposed.
This behavior must and can change." The
other hand gently assuring the individual
that the attack is on the institutional
power wielded and the brutal behavior,
not the person, and reassuring the indi·
vidual that there is support for the dif·
ficult internal struggle that change re·
quires. Before working with RA VEN I
believed in this concept in the abstract.
But trying to use this process within
RA VEN provides me with a reaffirma·
tion of of its insight on a weekly basis. It
is my impression that we are most effec·
tive when we can communicate simul·
taneously with both hands, challenging
the battering behavior while expressing
concern for the person. Thus working at
RA VEN stren~thens my conviction that
active nonviolence is not merely an ethi·
cally imperative but ultimately naive
ideal, but the most practical and empow·
ering means of achieving positive social
change.
My pacifism led me to pro-feminism,
and now my pro-feminism is teaching me
about pacifism. I believe if we are serious
about radical social change, those of us
who are men must learn to integrate the
two. If we truly oppose all war, we must
oppose men's war against women. If we
want to remove the causes of war, we
must dismantle patriarchy. If we hope to
overcome all forms of oppression, we
must work to change our own and other
men's sexism. If we are to wage peace: we
must begin at home.
WHAT MEN CAN DO
• Get involved in Brotherstorm (for in·
formation contact: Jon Cohen, 726
Westgate #3N, St. Louis, MO 63130,
(314) 721-4489 or Michael Rudnick, 220
5th Street, Providence, RI 02906, (401)
272·9262.
• Start a pro-feminism study·
consciousness raising group.
• Raise money from men for rape crisis
centers or battered women's shelters.
•Join NOCM, PO Box 451, Watseka, IL
60970 (815) 432-3010.
• Support pro-feminist music - Geof
Morgan, Romanovsky and Phillips, Fred
Small.
• Confront sexist language and rape
"jokes."
• Do childcare for feminist events.
• Confront sexist ads, including promo·
tion of macho men.
• Find/start a local changing men center,
program for men who batter.
• Help men stop from killing their
brothers. Stop the poverty draft.
• Confront heterosexism and
homophobia, help stop AIDS.
• Educate heterosexual men about re·
sponsibility for birth control.
• Subscribe to Changing Men Magainze,
306 N. Brooks, Madison WI 53715. •
How to Protect a NonTraditional Relationship
by Cindy Brow11
/11 our October feature "IV/1y Can't
Sharon Kowalski Come llome.""
Karen Thompson told tire pain}itl story
of holl' a judicial system biased against
11on-traditionnl relationships separated
her from her lm·er offour years just
when her lm•er needed her most.
Be/Oii', Cindy Broll'n describes some
legal step.~ that can be rnken by people
in 11011-traditionu/, 1w11-recognized
relationships to gain some legal sta11di11g \'is-a-i·is their partners in order to
gai11 some protection against the kind
oj catastrophe experienced by Sharon
Kowalski a11d Karen Thompson and
countless others.
The tragic case of Sharon Ko,walski,
severely injured in an auto accident,
declared incompetent by Minnesota
courts , and denied any visitation by her
partner Karen Thompson, demonstrates the extreme vulnerability of
non-traditional relationships to legallysanctioned disruption by hostile
families and judges. The struggle
of Sharon Kowalski and Karen
Thompson is not unique. There are
suits nationwide involving disputed
child cu$tody, Joss of visit:Hion rights
to severely injured partners, and settlements of estates that. set aside surviving partners, all arising out of the nonrecognition of such relationships.
Despite these sobering realities. there
are ways to legally declare a relationship to another person without marriage. It is possible to give your partner
decisionmaking powers in case of
serious illness. ·make sure your child:-en
have the parent(s) you desire for them,
and bequeath your property to those
you designate without regard to
marital ~tatus.
Although the legal system may seem
forbidding, and individuals may have
reservations about utilizing the often
repressive machinery of American
justice, legal means can and will be
used to achieve goals such as depriving
partners of basic human contact.
Under such circumstances, it is prudent
to mak.e plans ahead of time for extraordinary circumstances, and to use
the legal system to your advantage, in stead of letting it take advantage of the
vulnerability of non-~:rnctioned relarionships.
The following questions and answers
are offered to let you assess your own
needs, to provide an overview of
specific legal instruments, and to give
you a basis for turlher discussion with
an attorney. There are two ca-veats to
kcer in mind: first of &II, no dornment
is foolproof. though those de5nibed
here will signifii:antly improve the
status of any relationship in the eyes of
chc court ;md will be accepted in most
cases without problems . Second, while
in cencral these instruments are
reco~nized in all states and territories
of the United States as long as you
arc a r~s!rle;,t in (~ne of them, you need
mil KE_MCO
lMJ PRINTING INC.
Kelley Mattocks
340-4301
t 60 I S. Broadway, Unit D • Edmond. Okla. 73013
to consult with a competent attorney in
your jurisdiction to mak~ sure your
documents adhere to specific rules for
form, limits of enforceability, etc.
How r:m I ensure that my partnt:r will
make decisions for me if I am incap:icilalcd'?
You and your partner need to complete .. durable powers of attorney." In
these documents, each gives the other
power of attorney in case of accident,
disabling disease, or other circumstances rendering one of you incompetent to make decisions. Such
power of attorney allows the person
named not only to make medical decisions but also to act for you in all
other capacities you specify, such as
making legal decisions and completing
financial transactions (e.g., signing
checks). You can also specify that your
partner be considered a family member
for purposes of hospital visitation.
This is critical because hospitals frequently have strict visitation policies,
particularly for patients assigned to in-·
tensive care; even the cooperationvof
an injured person's family members ·
may not be enough to gain access to an
intensive care unit.
How c~n a "power of 2t1omcy,. be
challenged?
Any legal document is open to
challcr.ge if it can be proved that it was
obtained using undue influence, or if
fraud, such as forgery, was involved.
cont . next page
Group for Lesbians
WHO ARE CHEMICALLY DEPENDENT
or love someone who is
INDIVIDUAL, COUPLE AND
GROUP COUNSELING
For lnforma ti on, Call
Bette Kelley, M.Ed., CADC
(Certified Alcohol Drug Counselor)
405-949-2.301
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
$10
write:
HERLAND SISTER RESOURCES, INC.
1630 N.W. 19th Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73106
"LOVE MAY BE BLIND, BUT
HANDWRITING AIN'T!"
Professional Analysis of Compatibility
Shelly Zaikis, C.M.G.
405-946-6928
However, a "durable power of attorney'' will normally be accepted as
an expression of your wi!>hes in every
jurisdiction, so long as it is properly executed.
How do I get or:e?
It's best to complete the document
throul'h an attorney. She or he
prepa~es it; )'OU read it over, sign and
date- it; and then the original is notarized. There is little original writing involved, so "power of attorney"
documents arc relatively quick to
prepare.
How much will it cost?
Because they are standard, short
documents, "powers of attorney"
should be inexpemive. Several attorneys in the Boston-Cambridge area
(where prices are higher than average)
will do one for under SI 00; for two
people, under $200 .
How can I make sure my partner will
raise my child/children?
The best tactic is to make a will and
nominate your partner as guardian for
your chiidren. Courts will be inclined
to follow such a nomination, but
because guardiamhips are decided in
the "best-interests" of children, judges
hdve the leeway to set aside such a
nomination. However, your wishes
will, at a minimum, give your partner
leverage in gaining custody. The court
will take the wishes of adolescents into
account, which could help if there is a
challenge to your nomination.
Whal l.'lsc do wills cover?
A will allows you to dispose of property, make allowances for your
children, and otherwise ensure that
your death does not mean the dissolution of everything you wanted to do in
your life. If you die withc:.it or:e, ycur
blood relatives have every legal right to
your estate; your partner will have
almost no recourse in the law to
challenge their claims.
Aren't wills expensi"e?
Wills vary widely in cost, depending
upon how complex they are. A simple
will, one in which you make few
specific bequests, will probably cost a
few hundred dollars. You can save
money by keeping your will simple but
adding to it a more detailed memorandum, dated and sigPed and clearly
listing your bequests, to the person you
name as the will's executrix/executor
(though you should know that such
memoranda are not legally binding).
Okay, if I decide to do something, how
do I find an attornc~· ?
The best way is word of mourh: a~k
your friends. If this is unsuccessful, or
if you live in an area where there are
few openly progressive, g,ay , or
feminist attorneys, contact a statewide
or nat.ionwide legal organization such
as the American Ci\'il Libenies Union.
any local gay legal group, or the Lambda Legal Defense Fund in New York
and explain that you want a referral.
Once you have a referral or referrals.
call and ask to see the attornev for a
consultation. Don't be sl~y-a sk on the
phone about what the costs will be,
whether there is a sliding fee >cale, and
whether paying in instal lmc-nts is an
option.
Make sure you feel comfortable with
the attorney. and that you read carefully anything you sign. Courts arc Yery
literal-minded. and your do-;umcnrs
should be an exact and clear statement
of your wishe.'>.
How can I pay for !his?
Two powers of attorney and two
wills will probably cost bet ween S500
and S 1,000 in total. Think. of the~e
documents as insurance "irh dividends
that will be paid indefinitely-in
peace of mind no\v, and as a hedge
against the asrronomical legal costs
you could encounter in cases like that
of Sharon Kowalski and Karen
Thompson. Progressive attorneys may
be willing to discuss options such as
payment plans.
The reactionary nature of much of
current American jurisprudence is
dis\:ouraging·; fear and bigotry are still
enshrined in the law. Yet thl system
can also be used. to safeguard your
beliefs, however radical they are.
Armed with this knowledge, you can
act to protect yourself and your partner. creating many of the positive
aspects of marriage without marrying.
In the world as it is, we owe it to
ourselves to use every means available
to protect ourselves and those we love
from the pain and loss even one random accident could inflict.
Nonmber 1986-SOJOURNERYOUR ANNUAL DONATION HELPS SUPPORT THE PROGRAMS AND ACTMTIES OF HSR.
A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION SBRVING THE OKLAHOMA WOMEN'S COMMUNITY
Your donation. regardless of classification, entitles you to a 10,. discount on store stock.
concert tickets, workshops and advertising; a monthly newsletter; use of the lending librar~·
and resources, and MORE.
Donations may be made via cash_
or check_ Please indicate if this
is a monthly pledf(e_.
Upon receipt of your annual donation, you will
receive your Friends of Herland card, to be pre·
sented for store and concert discounts, and a
receipt for your tax purposes.
Benefactor
Sl,000.00-+
Sponsoring
500.00 ...
Contributing
200.00+
CITY
Sustaining
75.00+
Household
40.00+
STATE_ZIP_ _PHONE
Associate
25.00+
Special
10.00+
MAIL TO: Herland Sister Resources, Inc
(Student Senior Citizen 60 years & older, Other)
ADDRESS
~~~~h~,;,~·ci~y. OK 73106 ~
'
-
VOLUME 4, NUMBER 10
JANUARY 1987
IT'S A PRIVATE MATTER
In 1985, Pamela Rae Stewart, a San
Diego resident, learned from her physician
that her pregnancy was complicated by a
misaligned placenta.
She was told
to
avoid sex and street drugs and to take a
prescribed medication. On Nov. 23, 1985
she gave birth to a brain-dead son who
died Jan. 1, 1986.
What makes this case significant is
that Stewart has been charged by El Cajon
authorities with a misdemeanor: willfully
failing to provide necessary care for her
child.
In short, noncompliance
with
doctor's orders constitutes child abuse .
The case pr esents serious social, legal,
and moral imp l 1cations.
Already, t here are local reverberations.
A recent report in the San Jose
Mercury News said a supervisor in the
has
Santa Clara County Juvenile 'Court
"drafted proposed legislation that would
make the fetus a ward of the court if the
mother ingests
potentially
dangerous
(legal or illegal) substances, or fails
to eat a healthy diet."
Under those provisions, the fetus has
the same rights of protection as a child.
An expectant mother suspected of endangering her unborn b~by could be detained.
However, what is not clear is how specific
behavior can be shown to have specific
consequences before the fact, that
is,
before the baby is born.
Moreover, at what point will the line
be drawn that friends and relatives are
also responsible for the health of the
fetus, for example, in the case of secondary effects of smoking? Despite the rule
of confidentiality, even the physician
may be expected to turn state's evidence
HERLAND SISTER RESOURCES, INC.
1630 NW 19, Oklahoma City, OK 73106
that the patient is not in compliance and
is thereby jeopardizing the health of the
fetus.
The Stewart case presents a new
twist on the old controversy of abortion.
As obstetricians more and more become
physicians to the fetus, the motffer !s
basic legal rights of boQily integrity
and self determination are forsaken
despite lack of medical knowledge
about
the direct consequences of her behavior
on the fetus' well-being.
Furthermore, if regulating the wellbeing of the fetus becomes the norm,
doesn't this really mean regulating the
behavior of the expectant mother? The
charges in a case such as this revert to
defining the pregnant woman as a secondcl ass citizen, simply a carrier of the
products of conception within her.
The trend of the current administration's ideology is that the condition of
one's health is an individual responsibility but to be monitored by the state.
While money may not buy happiness, it can
insure better nutrition and a more hygienic
environment.
If we as individuals are
solely responsible for our own health and
well-being, can the poor then be prosecuted for their poverty?
The real question of the Stewart case
directly reflects how this ideology can
overstep the boundaries of the balancing
of civil liberties with
governmental
regulation. When does the private affair
of a pregnancy become a public issue, and
when is the moral dimension of prenatal
care that of the public domain?
SYNAPSE, Oct. 16, 1986,
Board of Publications
University of CA.
HERLAND SISTER RESOURCES LIBRARY UPDATE
announces
the next meeting of the collective
Open to the Public
Sunday, January 18, 1987, 6:00 p.m.
1630 N.W. 19, OKC
Publisher:
Herland Sister Resources
Advertising: Loral Reeves, 495-1094
Circulation: 600
CAN YOU HELP?
Sue Perryman,
native of Oklahoma,
owns a pony ride and travels the carnival
In October of this year she lost
routes.
all she owned (except her ponies),
when
her motor home burned up. Included in her
losses were the $1800 she had saved to buy
winter feed, and her impressive collection
of lesbian/feminist music, books,
tee
shirts, etc. Due to rising costs, Sue had
let her insurance lapse until
she could
get to Arizona
to purchase less costly
coverage. There is little hope of recovering her losses. Sue's situation falls
"through the crack~
of social services.
Because she owns eight valuable
ponies
(overdue feed bills and no means to haul
them, not withstanding),
she has
been
denied food stamps or any substantial
assistance.
Sue has received some aid from family
and friends in the area. D.J. 's Crescendo
Club in Oklahoma City collected $100 to
help Sue get back on the road.
Phoenix
Wheeler, HSR board member has helped by
collecting food, clothing, eyeglasses, etc.
While attending to basic needs, Sue stili
longs for
the comforts of music (Meg
Christian, Chris Williamson, Betsy Rose,
Cathy Winter, Ferron, Teresa Trull ... ) and
literature, especially out of print titles
like Old Dyke's Tales, by Lee Lynch. Contributions (including cash or course) will
reach Sue c/o Herland or c/o P.O. Box 924,
Norman, OK. 73070.
The Herland Lending Library needs
your help!
We are in the process of
revamping the Library and we have found
that there are a considerable amount of
overdue books (some books are 2+ years
overdue).
In the past month we have
notified some of the persons who have
overdue books with very little response.
On several, we do not have a current address. The Lending Library is for everyone who has a Library Membership or who
is a "Friend of Herland." People who become a · Friend of Herland are automatically granted library membership. Also, until
the books that are overdue are returned to
the Library, no other books can be checked
out.
Books can be checked out for two
weeks, but we are flexible about the two
weeks check out time for members who live
outside the metro area.
We want all
members of Herl and Lending Library ·v , to
enjoy the collection of books that are
available and unless these policies are
enforced the collection will diminish in
time.
So do us a favor and check your
book shelves and see if you have some
forgotten books that need to be returned
to Herland.
Your help
in this matter
will be greatly appreciated.
ALCOHOLISM CONFERENCE
Country View, a private alcoholism
treatment program, is sponsoring a conference on adult children of alcoholics,
March 11-14 in Tulsa. For more
informaion contact:
Conference Coordiantor
Country View
12300 East 91 St.
Broken Arrow, OK 74012
SPECIAL PRINT SALE
OKC artist, Bernadette Martinez, has
donated signed prints
from her show at
the Waterford to help in Herland's fundraising drive.
The prints are being
offered at a special price of only $15
and are available at Herland now.
WORKING GROUP STUDIES LESBIAN BATTERING
The Working Group on Lesbian Battering announces
a research
project on
Violence in Lesbian Relationships.
This
Study, conducted by a Philadelphia sociologist,
Claire Renzetti, has been enby the Working Group, which has
dorsed
served as an advisory board to the study
since its inception. Victims and survivors of lesbian abuse are asked to complete a questionnaire on the violence in
their relationships.
The group
needs
your help to fulfill its goals of ra1s1ng
the community's consciousness about this
problem and developing
services
for
victims .
To receive a copy of the questionnaire, send you name (or a pseudonym)
and address to:
Dr. Claire Renzetti
5600 City Line Avenue
Philadelphia, PA 19131
The Working Group itself has been
meeting since September 1984 and has been
involved in community education, improving resources for victims and survivors,
and offering a support group for battered
lesbians.
For further
information,
contact Shawn Tower c/o Women
Against
Abuse (215-686-7082)
or the
Battered
Lesbian Support Group (215-592-4583).
JUDY CHICAGO TO SPEAK IN NORMAN
Artist, Judy Chicago,
is scheduled
to speak at the South Central
Women's
Studies
Association
Conference.
The
conference will be March 27 &28 on the
Univ. of Okla. campus, and Ms. Chicago's
Birth Project will be exhibited by
the
OU Museum of Art in connection with this
event. The museum is asking for donations
to
help defray the cost of rental and
shipping.
If you would like
to help,
call Jane
Hallett, 325-3272. Watch for
more details on the conference in next
month's newsletter.
WOMEN'S EQUALITY ACT 10 YEARS OLD
The Women's Educational Equity Act
{WEEA) Publishing Center is celebrating
it's tenth year as publisher & distributor
of over 280 print & audiovisual materials,
all focused on gender-fair
education .
WEEA is a federally funded product that
provides grants
to develop practic ~ l,
field-based programs and
materials to ·
sex. equality.
The research and teach ing materials developed under these grants
for free
are sold to the public. Write
catalog:
WEEA Publishing Center
Educational Development Ctr.
55 Chapel St.
Newton, Ma 02160
Up &Coming 12/86
FAKE CLINICS
Oklahoma Religious
Coalition for
Abortion
Rights
(ORCAR) has just pub1ished a new brochure on
Oklahoma's
clinics" entitled BEWARE OF ADS
"bogus
LIKE THIS.
It also lists those bona
fide clinics in Oklahoma that offer nonjudgemental,
full option information,
and counseling and refferals for women
making reproductive decisions.
Copies
man be secured by writing:
OSCAR
P.O. Box 50193
Tulsa, OK 74150
(mi) KE_MCO
l g PRINTING INC.
Kelley Mattocks
340-4301
1601 S. Broadway. Unit D •Edmond. Okla. 73013
r---------1
848-5429
SHIRLEY M. HUNTER, M.A.
LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR
PENN PARK OFFICE COMPLEX• SUITE 102
5009 N PENNSYLVANIA• OKLAHOMA CITY, OK 73112
I
I
I
Loral C. Reeves
C.P.A.
1014 Cedardale Drive
Okla. City, OK 73127
I
II
ic---------.40.5/49.5-1094
BOOKS DONATED TO HERLAND
OU WOMEN'S BASKETBALL
Recently, Herland acquired several
boxes of books from Maren & Pearl from
San Antonio after the Las Mujeres Women's
Bookstore closed. We greatly appreciate
these additions to our library and after
inspection of the books
were surprised
that very few were duplicates. Since the
list of new books is too lengthy to print,
a few titles are: Changing Women in a
Changing Society; The Other Half; Superwoman; Free & Female; Beyond Intellectual
Sexism.
These books are presently being
processed and will be available to check
out within the next few weeks. There are
from
a great number of books available
this donation, and we greatly appreciate
Maren & Pearl donating the books to Herland.
Congratulations to the University of
Oklahoma women's basketball team, which
took first place in the L'eggs Invitational Tournament over the Thanksgiving holiday. The Sooners won with victories over
UT-San Antonio (67-63) and New Mexico
State
(80-71).
The 1986 Big Eight
Champ's
schedule for January home games
is as follows:
Jan. 6 Kansas State, 7 p.m.
Jan. 8 Tulane, 7 p.m.
Jan. 10 Colorado State, 7 p.m.
Jan. 14 Kansas, 7 p.m.
Jan. 21 Okla. State, 5: 15 p.m.
Jan. 24 Nebraska, 7 p.m.
Jan. 31 Iowa State, 7 p.m.
COMING OUT TO MOTHERS
We are Lesbians, collecting stories
about how womyn came out to their mothers.
We are interested in the events, thoughts,
and feelings that womyn experienced while·
coming out, and the reactions
they got
from their mothers. All too often in
works
about
coming out, Lesbians are
grouped with
"gays"
and mothers are
lumped with "parents." We see the need
to recognize the power of the daughtermother relationship in the coming out
process.
We hope this anthology will encompass
the lives of all womyn so that we can
have a book that provides information and
validates our feelings as Lesbians who
have already come out or who are in the
process of coming out to our mothers.
Please send stories (poetry, photographs, etc.) or inquiries to:
Carr/Yates
P.O. Box 6031
Minneapolis, MN 55406
__ ,.. __
n&~ ~rCNf ~Orl'\\n~ 09'
LARRY M. PRATER, M. D.
318 Cbsscn Prnfcssion•I Bldg.
1110 N. Closson Blvd.
Okbhoma Ciry, Ok. 73106-6808
TRUST
'11,n°'
INTlM~C..Y
1~~~~3';~I
i
I
A croup for Lesbian and lllY Catholics
and their friends
MASS CELEBRATED TWICE MONTHLY
for information call
Mary Ann
2
u :.
I
:::s.
L-. -
1·-11-11-11
_
Puctico Limited
to Psychia tty
OHice Hnurs
By Appoiotmcot
Helen Holgate
Certified Alcoholism & Drug Abuse
Counselor
I
I
I
I
I
1-.-.---~
_
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II
I
Oeverly K. Evans, M.5.W.
1010 NW 45
Oklahoma City
521-8241
11
r n
II
II
I
I
I
Hllill&n
n- "
PRO-FEMINISM AND
NONVIOLENCE
BY SAM DIENER
"As WRL has played an important
role in counselling men who are unwilling to commit aggression in wars,
it might consider playing a compara·
ble role in counselling men who would
like to know how to resist committing
aggression at home -against women" - Barbara Deming
"The War Resisters league affirms that
war is a crime against humanity"
WE
live in a constant state of civil war.
It is waged in our neighborhoods, hidden,
and largely unacknowledged. In the U.S.
alone there are a million casualties and
thousands of deaths in this war. It is a war
of male violence against women and action against this war, especially by those
of us who are men, fs long overdue.
The feminist movement is striving to
analyze and expose the nature and the
causes of this war. In response to challenges by feminists, some men are begin·
ning to acknowledge their responsibility
to work against men's violence and its
causes. Many of us call ourselves "profeminists"' and are seeking to build a
movement of men who support the
struggles and goals of the feminist
movement. We are working to help ourselves and other men become more nonviolent, open, cooperative, and caring
human beings.
PATRIARCHY AS
INSTITUTIONALIZED WAR
"We therefore are determined not to
support any kind of war, interna·
tional or civil . .. "
We live under patriarchal rule. Pat·
riarchy is a system where males are given
sexual, cultural, social, religious, and
political power over females. In our patriarchal society, men's violence against
women is at war-like levels. Since crimes
against women are notoriously under·
Sam Diener works with WRL s St.
Louis Local. He is also a member ofthe
WRL National Committee.
reported, the total number of deaths and
injuries are hard to detennine. Yet des·
pite the difficulties of compiling statis·
tics, the U.S. government estimates that
there are at least 300,000 women raped
by men and 2,000,000 women battered by
men each year. If casualties on this scale
were being inflicted in a conventional
war, it would merit daily headlines and
weekly "body counts" on the network
newscasts. Instead, our mass media portrays this type of violence and dehumanization as a source of pleasure through
depictions of women who enjoy pain and
men who enjoy inflicting it.
The effects of male violence are far
reaching. In some ways, all women in our
society are held captive. Some women
are held captive by men who batter them.
Other women are captive in their homes
in a different sense. They are taught never
to walk outside alone, especially at night.
The degree to which their movement on
the street is restricted by the fear and
reality of male violence is the degree to
which a woman lives in occupied territory.
PATRIARCHY AND MEN
Patriarchy, in addition to waging war
on women, also instills values and encourages behavior in.males which are a
primary root of international war and a
model for other fonns of oppression.
Boys around the world are taught
through toys, rituals, and myths to glorify
the use of violence to fight for themselves
and their countries. Patriarchy teaches
men to view each other as enemies and
competitors for racial, economic, politi·
cal, and sexual status. This makes it possible for us to wage war against each
other. We are only "unified" in one thing:
patriarchy confers upon all men, as men,
power over women.
Additionally, since the first role and
value differentiation children become
aware of is based on gender, the oppres·
sion of females becomes a model for
other fonns of oppression based on race,
sexual orientation, class, lx>dy size. Each
fonn of oppression has its own unique
dynamics, but the patriarchal model of
oppression is pervasive and constitutes a
foundation of every "modem" society
around the world. For this reason, and
because women are almost always oppressed within the group, I believe no
analysis of, or struggle against, other
fonns of oppression are complete without an analysis of and a commitment to
resist patriarchy.
THE MEANING OF
PRO-FEMINISM
"... and to strive nonviolently for the
removal of all causes of war . .. "
The idea of pro-feminism is a relatively
new one and there is some controversy
over the need for the word. Why not caff
everyone working to dismantle male
supremacy a feminist? I think the issue
has parallels to the debate over affirmative action as a mechanism to resist racism. Some people claim affirmative action is itself racist since it depends on
consciousness of race. But affinnative ac·
tion does not create race consciousness.
It affinns the reality that we live in a
racist society that is already race conscious. The question to be answered is
how we are going to act on this consciousness. Affirmative action motivates
white-dominated institutions to acknowledge their racism and take affirmative
steps toward change. There is a funda·
mental difference between race consciousness and racism. Racism, as defined by Webster's, is the exercise of
power over a group based on racial prejudice. Affinnative action is a step toward eroding the power differential that
underlies racism.
Similarly, sexism is power and prejudice based on sex, and any movement
working against patriarchal power needs
to be sex conscious in order to take affir·
mative steps to confront sexism. The use
of the tenn pro-feminism motivates men
to acknowledge our sexism and take
steps to change. If feminism was "only" a
philosophy, then certainly anyone, male
or female, who believed in feminism
would be a feminist, just as anyone who
believes in pacifism is a pacifist. But
feminism, as I understand it, is also a
THE NONVIOLENT ACTMST/JULY·AUGUST 1986
movement of people working to em·
power women. (I am differentiating here
between the patriarchal concept of
domination based on power over others,
and the feminist concept of liberation
based on empowerment, the power to
create, to define oneself, and to build
cooperative relationships). But I don't
think it is possible for me as a man to
empower women, just as I don't think it is
possible for me as a person with white
skin to liberate people of color.
Thus my definition of feminism above
was inaccurate. I understand feminism to
be a movement of women working to
empower women. According to this de·
finition, it doesn't make sense for men to
call themselves feminists. Some who
argue that men can be feminists claim
that rigidly defined gender roles hurt and
dehumanize men too, therefore,
feminism should be a movement for
human liberation from the tyranny of
gender roles. I agree with the analysis as
far as it goes. But I think it disregards the
idea that patriarchy also confers power
over women and privileges to men solely
because we are male. Gender roles re·
strict women and men but particular
gender roles that are characteristic of
modem "civilization" oppress women
and thereby necessitate a movement of
the oppressed group, women, to over·
come their oppression. Many women, in
the interest of eventually overcoming
this power differential, believe some men
should be termed feminists. But as a man
supportive of feminism, I don't want to
call myself a feminist.
The concept of pro-feminism was a
revelation for me, and its importance to
me continues to grow. For me it means I
can reaffirm myself as a man, challenging
myself and other men to change, and
supporting men as we struggle with those
changes. It means I can acknowledge that
I do not just happen to be biologically
male, but that I was indoctrinated with a
male supremacist ideology. It means I
can affirm my own changes without deny·
ing my experience. It transforms guilt
into a sense of responsibility to act.
THE PRO-FEMINIST MOVEMENT
Pro-feminism has its roots in the late
1960's and early 70's when some men
began men's anti-sexists consciousness
raising groups patterned on those of the
women's movement, and the gay libera·
tion movement stormed out of the closet.
The first national conference on men and
masculinity was held 11 years ago, and
THE NONVIOLENT AC1MST/JULY-AUGUST 1986
the National Organization for Changing
Men (NOCM), a pro-feminist and gay af·
firmative group is 5 years old. Last June,
NOCM initiated the first nationally
coordinated demonstrations of men pro·
testing men's war against women, enti·
tied Brotherstorm. The first men's group
dedicated to ending men's rape and bat·
tery of women was formed 7 years ago
after challenges from the burgeoning
feminist anti-rape and battered women's
movements. One of these groups, Rape
and Violence End Now (RA VEN) is a
group I have worked with for the last
year.
RA VEN's purpose is to build peer
pressure among men to end men's vio·
Ience against women. Our primary activ·
ity is to counsel, in groups, men who
batter in order to confront violent and
abusive behavior, share methods of deal·
ing with conflict nonviolently, and sup·
port each other as we struggle to change.
The groups are weekly nonviolence prep·
aration sessions for daily life, designed
for men who batter: We teach that the
causes of the battering are not just man's
inability to express anger nonviolently,
but a socialized and culturally supported
desire, and belief in a right to dominate
and control his partner. The violence is
used and chosen in an attempt to achieve
this control. We only counsel a small
proportion of men who batter in the St.
Louis area, and our counselling program
primarily begins after the violence occurs
and deals mostly with battering, not rape.
We also do public speaking/education
once a week in order to change our cul·
tural support for the male war against
women.
My work at RA VEN has inspired me,
taught me, and strengthened my
pacifism. Watching myself and other
men change, and some, I believe, change
profoundly, has convinced me of the
value of this style of organizing. One of
the most valuable lessons I've learned at
RAVEN is the incredible power of Bar·
bara Deming's description of nonvio·
Jenee as being two handed: one hand
firmly saying to a person acting oppres·
sively, "I will not allow this violence to
continue unhindered and unopposed.
This behavior must and can change." The
other hand gently assuring the individual
that the attack is on the institutional
power wielded and the brutal behavior,
not the person, and reassuring the indi·
vidual that there is support for the dif·
ficult internal struggle that change re·
quires. Before working with RA VEN I
believed in this concept in the abstract.
But trying to use this process within
RA VEN provides me with a reaffirma·
tion of of its insight on a weekly basis. It
is my impression that we are most effec·
tive when we can communicate simul·
taneously with both hands, challenging
the battering behavior while expressing
concern for the person. Thus working at
RA VEN stren~thens my conviction that
active nonviolence is not merely an ethi·
cally imperative but ultimately naive
ideal, but the most practical and empow·
ering means of achieving positive social
change.
My pacifism led me to pro-feminism,
and now my pro-feminism is teaching me
about pacifism. I believe if we are serious
about radical social change, those of us
who are men must learn to integrate the
two. If we truly oppose all war, we must
oppose men's war against women. If we
want to remove the causes of war, we
must dismantle patriarchy. If we hope to
overcome all forms of oppression, we
must work to change our own and other
men's sexism. If we are to wage peace: we
must begin at home.
WHAT MEN CAN DO
• Get involved in Brotherstorm (for in·
formation contact: Jon Cohen, 726
Westgate #3N, St. Louis, MO 63130,
(314) 721-4489 or Michael Rudnick, 220
5th Street, Providence, RI 02906, (401)
272·9262.
• Start a pro-feminism study·
consciousness raising group.
• Raise money from men for rape crisis
centers or battered women's shelters.
•Join NOCM, PO Box 451, Watseka, IL
60970 (815) 432-3010.
• Support pro-feminist music - Geof
Morgan, Romanovsky and Phillips, Fred
Small.
• Confront sexist language and rape
"jokes."
• Do childcare for feminist events.
• Confront sexist ads, including promo·
tion of macho men.
• Find/start a local changing men center,
program for men who batter.
• Help men stop from killing their
brothers. Stop the poverty draft.
• Confront heterosexism and
homophobia, help stop AIDS.
• Educate heterosexual men about re·
sponsibility for birth control.
• Subscribe to Changing Men Magainze,
306 N. Brooks, Madison WI 53715. •
How to Protect a NonTraditional Relationship
by Cindy Brow11
/11 our October feature "IV/1y Can't
Sharon Kowalski Come llome.""
Karen Thompson told tire pain}itl story
of holl' a judicial system biased against
11on-traditionnl relationships separated
her from her lm·er offour years just
when her lm•er needed her most.
Be/Oii', Cindy Broll'n describes some
legal step.~ that can be rnken by people
in 11011-traditionu/, 1w11-recognized
relationships to gain some legal sta11di11g \'is-a-i·is their partners in order to
gai11 some protection against the kind
oj catastrophe experienced by Sharon
Kowalski a11d Karen Thompson and
countless others.
The tragic case of Sharon Ko,walski,
severely injured in an auto accident,
declared incompetent by Minnesota
courts , and denied any visitation by her
partner Karen Thompson, demonstrates the extreme vulnerability of
non-traditional relationships to legallysanctioned disruption by hostile
families and judges. The struggle
of Sharon Kowalski and Karen
Thompson is not unique. There are
suits nationwide involving disputed
child cu$tody, Joss of visit:Hion rights
to severely injured partners, and settlements of estates that. set aside surviving partners, all arising out of the nonrecognition of such relationships.
Despite these sobering realities. there
are ways to legally declare a relationship to another person without marriage. It is possible to give your partner
decisionmaking powers in case of
serious illness. ·make sure your child:-en
have the parent(s) you desire for them,
and bequeath your property to those
you designate without regard to
marital ~tatus.
Although the legal system may seem
forbidding, and individuals may have
reservations about utilizing the often
repressive machinery of American
justice, legal means can and will be
used to achieve goals such as depriving
partners of basic human contact.
Under such circumstances, it is prudent
to mak.e plans ahead of time for extraordinary circumstances, and to use
the legal system to your advantage, in stead of letting it take advantage of the
vulnerability of non-~:rnctioned relarionships.
The following questions and answers
are offered to let you assess your own
needs, to provide an overview of
specific legal instruments, and to give
you a basis for turlher discussion with
an attorney. There are two ca-veats to
kcer in mind: first of &II, no dornment
is foolproof. though those de5nibed
here will signifii:antly improve the
status of any relationship in the eyes of
chc court ;md will be accepted in most
cases without problems . Second, while
in cencral these instruments are
reco~nized in all states and territories
of the United States as long as you
arc a r~s!rle;,t in (~ne of them, you need
mil KE_MCO
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340-4301
t 60 I S. Broadway, Unit D • Edmond. Okla. 73013
to consult with a competent attorney in
your jurisdiction to mak~ sure your
documents adhere to specific rules for
form, limits of enforceability, etc.
How r:m I ensure that my partnt:r will
make decisions for me if I am incap:icilalcd'?
You and your partner need to complete .. durable powers of attorney." In
these documents, each gives the other
power of attorney in case of accident,
disabling disease, or other circumstances rendering one of you incompetent to make decisions. Such
power of attorney allows the person
named not only to make medical decisions but also to act for you in all
other capacities you specify, such as
making legal decisions and completing
financial transactions (e.g., signing
checks). You can also specify that your
partner be considered a family member
for purposes of hospital visitation.
This is critical because hospitals frequently have strict visitation policies,
particularly for patients assigned to in-·
tensive care; even the cooperationvof
an injured person's family members ·
may not be enough to gain access to an
intensive care unit.
How c~n a "power of 2t1omcy,. be
challenged?
Any legal document is open to
challcr.ge if it can be proved that it was
obtained using undue influence, or if
fraud, such as forgery, was involved.
cont . next page
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WHO ARE CHEMICALLY DEPENDENT
or love someone who is
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For lnforma ti on, Call
Bette Kelley, M.Ed., CADC
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405-949-2.301
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Oklahoma City, OK 73106
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405-946-6928
However, a "durable power of attorney'' will normally be accepted as
an expression of your wi!>hes in every
jurisdiction, so long as it is properly executed.
How do I get or:e?
It's best to complete the document
throul'h an attorney. She or he
prepa~es it; )'OU read it over, sign and
date- it; and then the original is notarized. There is little original writing involved, so "power of attorney"
documents arc relatively quick to
prepare.
How much will it cost?
Because they are standard, short
documents, "powers of attorney"
should be inexpemive. Several attorneys in the Boston-Cambridge area
(where prices are higher than average)
will do one for under SI 00; for two
people, under $200 .
How can I make sure my partner will
raise my child/children?
The best tactic is to make a will and
nominate your partner as guardian for
your chiidren. Courts will be inclined
to follow such a nomination, but
because guardiamhips are decided in
the "best-interests" of children, judges
hdve the leeway to set aside such a
nomination. However, your wishes
will, at a minimum, give your partner
leverage in gaining custody. The court
will take the wishes of adolescents into
account, which could help if there is a
challenge to your nomination.
Whal l.'lsc do wills cover?
A will allows you to dispose of property, make allowances for your
children, and otherwise ensure that
your death does not mean the dissolution of everything you wanted to do in
your life. If you die withc:.it or:e, ycur
blood relatives have every legal right to
your estate; your partner will have
almost no recourse in the law to
challenge their claims.
Aren't wills expensi"e?
Wills vary widely in cost, depending
upon how complex they are. A simple
will, one in which you make few
specific bequests, will probably cost a
few hundred dollars. You can save
money by keeping your will simple but
adding to it a more detailed memorandum, dated and sigPed and clearly
listing your bequests, to the person you
name as the will's executrix/executor
(though you should know that such
memoranda are not legally binding).
Okay, if I decide to do something, how
do I find an attornc~· ?
The best way is word of mourh: a~k
your friends. If this is unsuccessful, or
if you live in an area where there are
few openly progressive, g,ay , or
feminist attorneys, contact a statewide
or nat.ionwide legal organization such
as the American Ci\'il Libenies Union.
any local gay legal group, or the Lambda Legal Defense Fund in New York
and explain that you want a referral.
Once you have a referral or referrals.
call and ask to see the attornev for a
consultation. Don't be sl~y-a sk on the
phone about what the costs will be,
whether there is a sliding fee >cale, and
whether paying in instal lmc-nts is an
option.
Make sure you feel comfortable with
the attorney. and that you read carefully anything you sign. Courts arc Yery
literal-minded. and your do-;umcnrs
should be an exact and clear statement
of your wishe.'>.
How can I pay for !his?
Two powers of attorney and two
wills will probably cost bet ween S500
and S 1,000 in total. Think. of the~e
documents as insurance "irh dividends
that will be paid indefinitely-in
peace of mind no\v, and as a hedge
against the asrronomical legal costs
you could encounter in cases like that
of Sharon Kowalski and Karen
Thompson. Progressive attorneys may
be willing to discuss options such as
payment plans.
The reactionary nature of much of
current American jurisprudence is
dis\:ouraging·; fear and bigotry are still
enshrined in the law. Yet thl system
can also be used. to safeguard your
beliefs, however radical they are.
Armed with this knowledge, you can
act to protect yourself and your partner. creating many of the positive
aspects of marriage without marrying.
In the world as it is, we owe it to
ourselves to use every means available
to protect ourselves and those we love
from the pain and loss even one random accident could inflict.
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