extracted text

Pror""rty of the C .nter
THE NEWSLEITER

or FRIENDS NoRrn, 1Nc., an association of lesbians, gays) bi-sexuals, transgendered and their friends.

R K I N G

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Two MEN SUFFER ANTI-GAY ATTACK ·
IN TRAVERSE CITY
One Perpetrator Escapes Charges

Friends North Web Site:
http://friends-north.base.org
or
http://members.tripod.com/FriendsNorth

Come Visit Us!

HELPLine!
Gay? Lesbian? Bisexual? Transgendered?
Have Questions? Need Help?

Call: 616/946-1804
or 800/579-8769
Confidentially answered anytime day or night
NETWORKING 45'' NORTH

On Friday, October 2nd, two men were verbally harassed and
physically attacked by two assailants shouting anti-gay epithets while
following them home from a bar in Downtown Traverse City.
In the early morning hours, Traverse City residents Doug Bradley and Frank Stewart were heading home from Union Street Station
and were followed by two other men who were chanting anti-gay
epithets at them. The assailants began tripping, pushing and beating Bradley and Stewart with a wooden stick. Bradley phoned 911
for help but received no assistance. As the men neared Bradley's
home, the assailants began punching and kicking them' which resulted in a bruised Stewart and a broken nose and other injuries for
Bradley. Alter a second call from Bradley, the police finally arrived
and brought him to the hospital.
"This attack is a pure example of anti-gay bigotry," said Sean Kosofsky,
Associate Director of Policy for the Triangle Foundation, a statewide civil
rights, advocacy and anti-violence organization for gay, lesbian. bisexual,
and transgender (glbt) residents of Michigan. "This man was targeted
purely because of his sexual orientation and far no other reason. He didn't
even know his assailants. It's an unfortunate reality that in 1998 gay,
lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are still so widely preyed upon.
These attacks are more common than people think.
Although Bradley, is gay, the other victim, Frank Stewart is heterosexual. This signals a growing trend across the country. Attacks
like those of Bradley and Stewart are similar to countless others
tracked by the Triangle Foundation. According to a report released
this past March by the Triangle Foundation and the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs; anti-glbt hate crimes increased by
12% in Michigan in 1997 and have been increasing for most of this
decade. One of the most significant increases in hate crimes occurred
against heterosexuals perceived to be gay or lesbian.
Local gay activist Jim Carruthers, echoed the community concern.
"As a resident ofTraverse City I think we need a stronger message from
our elected and civic leaders that hate crimes and discrimination against
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people is unacceptable."
The two perpetrators - James Johnson and Jeremy Jamrog
have been arrested and charged with agravated assault," while a
third perpetrator who allegedly watched the attack and provided the
get-a-way car, has not been charged with anything.
VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Richard Tuxbury

Friends North, Inc., P.O. Box 562, Traverse City, MI 49685-0562 (616)
946-1804 (This is a general information line answered by Third
l.evel.)To contact the organization directly, please call a board member.
FRIENDS NORTH is an organization of lesbians, gay men, bi-sexuals,
transgendered and their friends from northwestern lower Michigan.
Located in Traverse City, we provide social activities, a newsletter,
information line, workshops, a website and a scholarship fund for
financial assistance.
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF FRIENDS NORTH is composed of nine
women and men elected each December. Regular board meetings
are held at Grace Episcopal Church at the Corner of Washington &
Boardman the first Tuesday of every month (except August) at 6:30
p.m. Everyone is welcome to attend.Please call ahead to the president
if you have an item for the agenda
Brenda Bartz, VP - 616-946-2 708/bbartzstar@aol.com
Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294/trufalogal@aol.eom
Kirk Mallow, Pres. - 6l6-933-5250/Mallowki@norris.tcaps.kl2mi.us
Daniel Miller- 616-2 63-37 60/Milkrat@aol.com
Gretchen Sauvage- 616-943-9819
Tim Schmidt - 616-941-8987 /TCTimber@aol.com
Sue Schwartz, Treas. - 616-946-3032/tcfriend@aol.eom
Charles Westerfield - 616-922-0746/charles@batic.eom
NEWSLETTER COMMITTEE: Publication of Networking 45° North.
Editor: Richard Tuxbury: 616-271-3042
<tux00 l@aol.com>
Publishing & Layout: Richard Curtis: 616-929-9605
<rlc@traverse.com>
Advertising: Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294
trufalogal@aol.com
Mailing List:: John Evans: 616-922-0746
<jdevans@gtii.com>
Networking 45° North is the newsletter of Friends North, Inc.
Viewpoints expressed do not necessarily represent those of the board
or general membership.
.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING and notices are run without charge.
Please submit in writing or by calling the editor (and leave ad on
machine 2713042 or by email.)
DISPLAY ADVERTISING in Networking 45° North is available in
Business Card size - $25.00 per space per issue or an annual rate of
$100.00 for 5 issues. Inserts and larger sized ads are available. Please
call Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294/trufalogal@aoLcom
CONTRIBUTIONS to Networking are welcome. Letters, essays,
features, reflections, and original artwork should be sent "c/o Editor"
to above address. (Networking will not accept material that is sexist,
discriminatory or sexually explicit. Contributors are responsible for
obtaining permission from those whose names they submit for
publication.)
DEADLINES: #1 February 15, 1999
ADDRESS CHANGES: Please notify us in advance if a change is
coming. Call John Evans, 922-07 46, or e-mail changes to
jdevans@gtii.com.
SUBSCRIPTIONS/MEMBERSHIPS: $15.00/single; $25.00/couple.
Please send checks or money orders to: Friends North, P.O. Box 562,
Traverse City, MI 49685-0562.
DISTRIBUTION Networking is published 5 times per year. Copies
are sent bulk-mail in a plain envelope to approximately 700
households. Additional copies are available at select local
establishments.

from the editor
These last few months have been one of
the most visible periods of time in many years
for gays and lesbians in the US. The religious extremists have teamed up to run a
national ad campaign which promoted the
concept of conversion therapy ... in other words, they are saying that
gays and lesbians would be able to change with just a little help. The
ads, described by HRC as "a kinder, gentler homophobia," were run
in the NY Times, among other papers, and we have reproduced an
example of one of these elsewhere in this issue.
Matt Shepard's death came on the heels of these ads, and the
media and the public seemed to conclude that "enough is enough!"
Matt quickly became a symbol for all those whose murders and beatings went barely noticed. America found that discrimination was very
much alive - tolerated in many places, overlooked elsewhere, and
even encouraged in certain locations. The World looked on and more
than o~ce the word "hypocrites!" was aimed at the USA.
Nationally, it's been noted again that the gay vote has power,
and in an exit-poll survey almost 5% of the voters identified themselves as gay or lesbian. We are identified as a group which can
swing a close election.
Locally, gays and lesbians joined with many others to defeat
Michelle McManus, a challenger for Bart Stupak's seat for the US
Congress. In the last minutes of the campaign, McManus aired TV ads
which were aimed at Stupak's support of gays and lesbians. These
ads could not be ignored, as the candidate's photo was superimposed
over photos of gay men in romantic situations. I heard the ads (and
the candidate) called "disgusting," "mean and nasty," and even "sickening." Stupak called the ads a '30 second gay-bashing: And, the TC
Human Rights Commission was asked to look into the ad to see if
. they might require a response from the group - certainly a condemnation aimed at McManus appeared to be in order.
In Hawaii, the statewide referendum to change the definition of
marriage was passed, thereby excluding gays and lesbians from the
privilege and right of state-sanctioned marriage. In Alaska, another
referendum was passed which specified that marriage was between
members of the opposite sex, thereby eliminating the possibility of
same-sex couples asking for this right.
Good news came from Wisconsin where voters elected an open
lesbian, Tammy Baldwin, as their representative to Congress. In Washington State, Col. Margret Cammermeyer was defeated in her run for
Congress, while in San Diego, Christine Kehoe also lost in a close
race.
The newsletter is looking for contributions for 1999. If you have
a story to tell -even anonymously - please call me to discuss it or
send it on. We look forward to hearing from you this year.

printed on recycled paper
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Kirk Mallow

from the president
It's been quite a year! Back in December you, the members, elected me to the
board. Since then we've made some big
strides. Starting out with a limited budget
we managed to pull off some awesome eventsHigh Tea, Bike Tour, Pride Day, and the Autumn Hike, to name a few.
We've also made some important strides that we hope will push
Friends North into the twenty-first century.
Among the accomplishments of the board are the Friends North
Web site which went on-line in July and a revised set of by-laws
that, when passed by the members at the annual meeting in December will replace the outdated 1987 by-laws . Also, most importantly
I feel is the Board's unanimous decision to change our IRS tax status from a non-profit to 5O1-c3 corporation. This in itself, we feel
will open doors for the organization which have never been an option for us before. We Look forward to doing grant writing, soliciting
donations from corporations and individuals-all of which will be tax
deductible for the donors. It is the Board's intent and hope to tap
this resource and to use it to better serve the community of Northern Michigan.
I am urging everyone to attend the annual meeting, scheduled
for December 8. We will be discussing the By-Law changes and other
issues which could change Friends North forever. After all, YOU are
Friends North-the board is here to execute your wishes.
Thank You, Kirk

and direct first-timers. Rap sessions often include g/l/b/t topics
and videos, but more importantly include time for anyone who needs
to talk in a safe, comfortable environment.
In addition to rap sessions, Common Voices sponsors "Common
Nibbles" - the 4th Wednesday (4:00 pm monthly local restaurant
gathering. A different local dining establishment is chosen each
month. Common Nibbles is an excellent complement to our rap sessions, offering quality interaction (and quality food!). You don't
need to spend a lot of money, just come to the restaurant and ask
for the Common Voices group.
Common Voices regularly tries to sponsor additional activities
such as potlucks, hikes, video nights, etc., thanks to those who
want to keep the spirit of our group strong.
Common voices offers a free subscription to our monthly newsletter (which is also a reminder of our gatherings and special events).
Please phone Tom at the number listed below to receive your copy.
We need your name(s) and mailing address. · (Phone numbers are
appreciated but optional.) Our mailing list is confidential - no
names/addresses will be given out by anyone in Common Voices.
For any information about Common Voices/Rap Group/Common
Nibbles/CV newsletter/special events, phone Tom (275-6127).
Our December meeting is on December 9. On December 16 we
plan a joint potluck with PFLAG. This will also be at Grace Episcopal
Church, upstairs in the parish hall. Call for information.

friangles &Rainbows
A Northwestern Michigan College Student Group
"Triangles and Rainbows is a group of Lesbian, gay, straight, and
bisexual students at NMC who together believe that celebrating
diversity is fundamental to a healthy community and future."

Cornmon Voices, the Friends
North Rap Group
Common Voices, the Friends North Rap Group, extends a warm
welcome to everyone in our g/l/b/t community to attend all our
monthly events. Common Voices is an excellent resource for people
just entering our community.
Our Rap Group meetings are held the second Wednesday of each
month at 7:30 pm in the main floor church hall at Grace Episcopal
Church, 349 Washington St., Traverse City. Parking is available in
back and you can use the rear (north) entrance. Common Voices
people will be near the main church entrances until 7:30 to welcome

Our first event as a group was this fall, was participating in the
Grand Traverse Area AIDS Walk. In October, we celebrated National
Coming Out Day by hosting some campus events that were made
open to both students and faculty in order to help raise visibility.
Our most recent effort included sponsoring a play that was
performed solely by Chris J. Franklin in late October called, "The
Only Worse Thing You Could Have Told Me ... " by Dan Butler,
showcasing over a dozen gay characters and the conflicts that
haunt them.
Triangles & Rainbows continued next page

935 T 1666

Open 7 Days

(SlfflUIE TMRA.:.:)
222 E. Front Street
Traverse City, Ml 49684

Downtown
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Open 7 days

PH: 6 t 6-94(,-8528
Fax: 616-946-3553

T 520 Franklin T Traverse City, MI 49686 T
-3-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE4 • WINTER 1998/99

We are now preparing for a number of events. The first is the
coming of folk artist Coca Love Alcorn to NMC for an evening
performance Wednesday, November 1 8th. Coco, out of Canada,
has opened for female folk artist Ani Difranco, and is beginning to
make a name for herself in the folk industry. Doors will open at
8:00, with the performance starting at 8:30 opened by Erik
Milliron, NMC student and treasurer of Triangles and Rainbows,
then continue with two 30 minute sets by Coco.
We are also sponsoring a play on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and the 10th,
11th and 12th of December. The piece, "Days In the Life" features
a collection of short scenes and monologues from several pieces
showcasing young adults, their relationships and their experiences. A musical talent tentatively scheduled for a spring
performance is a two-girl band called Leavin' Dodge. They perform
covers of popular songs as well as their own work.

We are also planning to attend a gay youth leadership conference at
Eastern Michigan University in late March. The Queer Youth Summit is
in it's fourth year and pulls together schools from as far as Northern
Michigan University. The conference holds workshops to educate
queer youth on important issues facing them and the gay community.
e-mail address: tandrgroup-hotmail.com • Phone: {616) 922-1673
** WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT!**
**Please communicate with us on anything you think would be
helpful to us.** - Thank You.

~Outin
V +About

A Lesbian Coffeehouse

Unity Church
3600 Five Mile Road
Traverse City
Call 946-2708
for more information

Upcoming Events
December - No Coffeehouse - Happy Hanukkah/Merry Christmas
We are also thinking about planning a trip to Detroit to see a
WNBA game in the next year, so stay tuned.
Out 'n About Lesbian Coffeehouse is generally held on the
third Saturday of each month except for this year there are
few changes in dates. Please see related Out 'n About
Upcoming Events Calendar. No coffeehouses will be held for
1998 in April, July, August, or December. The Coffeehouse
comes alive between 7 :00 and 11 :00 pm at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Road, Traverse City. Smoke-free and Chemfree with a cover donation of $3-5 ($5-10 if we have
entertainment). Coffee, tea and snacks are free; soft drinks
are available.
The coffeehouse is managed by an informal gathering of
lesbians who call themselves the Steering Committee. Please
consider joining the Steering Committee so that your ideas
can be heard. The committee meets for a couple hours on
the Monday prior to the 3rd Saturday coffeehouse or Monday
prior to event, for planning of each month's event. For
coffeehouse information, or location of committee meeting,
call Brenda at 946-2708-leave message.

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

Sued for self-defense
This morning, I awoke to the sounds of childish delight and
childish disgust. Curious, I went to my front door to see the object
of the children's interest. There, on the sidewalk to my home, lay a
dead squirrel, obviously flattened by a car tire. Too far from the
street, it had to have been put there. I can only imagine by whom.
And if they think that they're only antagonizing me, what about the
impression it must have made on those children?
My name is Doug Bradley. Perhaps you've heard about me. On
October 2, 1998, as I was leaving Union Street Station. my friend
and I passed Dillinger's Pub where two men started following us,
and as we crossed State Street, they began yelling obscenities at us.
The closer we came to my home in Central neighborhood, the
more intense their onslaught became until, at one point, I asked
them why they were harassing us and they responded, "Because
we're going to kill you faggots!"
We naturally quickened our pace, but they caught up, for the
first time becoming physical, tripping, kicking, and hitting us. As
we came into my front yard, one of the assailants viciously hit my
friend in the back of the head and, unable to stand the blows or the
abuse any longer, I blindly struck out with a beer bottle from the
six-pack I was carrying, at the nearest attacker. The prosecuting
attorney said that I "escalated" the crime by retaliating in this manner, but I ask the prosecutor and you, what would you do in the
same situation'? Now I find out that, even though I was the victim,
I am being sued by one of my attackers for defending myself! Is this
justice?
I ran into my home and called 911. The assailants began throwing rocks from my rock garden at the front of my home, bashing in
my door. I ran back outside, clutching my cordless telephone, both
to check on my friend and to hopefully frighten the attackers away
by informing them that I'd called 911. One of them responded, "I
don't care who the f _
. you-you called, I'm going to kill you,
faggot!"
I dialed 911 again. Still holding the telephone, I was attacked
from behind; being choked until I almost lost consciousness and
pummeled with fists until I fell to the ground. One of them picked
. up a rocking chair rocker from an old chair in my yard and savagely
beat me about my head, shoulders, and back, resulting in a broken
nose, loose teeth, abrasions, cuts, bruises, and swollen lips. I distinctly remember a third person standing there, coldly observing as
I was beaten, then giving his friends a ride away from the crime
scene, yet he was never charged with anything ...
I would like to say that Sgt. Joe McCarthy was, by far, the most
efficient, caring, and sympathetic police officer I have ever encountered in Traverse City. I honestly believe that he did his job to the
best of his ability.
Now, whatever happens is up to the court system, but I firmly
believe that it's high time the residents ofTraverse City wake up and
realize that it is no longer the wonderfully quaint All-American
storybook town that my ancestors hailed from and I've loved all my
life, but a city of thinly-veiled hatred.
M. Douolas J. Bradley

- 4-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/ 99

fro

t eco

ity

Coming out:
an act of courage and love
(Previously published on National Coming Out Day in the TC Record Eagle)
By Matt McCormick

As a four year old I remember clearly the day I pointed to a
picture of a pop music teen idol in a magazine and announced to my
mother, "I think he's cute."
Her reaction was clearly one of shock and disappointment: "Boys
do not say things like that about other boys!," she said sternly. Her
surprise was my surprise because to me this seemed as natural as
anything I might imagine.
When I hear someone claim that one's sexual orientation is
chosen I can't help but wonder when that person made their own
conscious "choice" themselves. I believe that if these people were
truly honest with themselves they would realize that of course they
did not choose their sexual orientation and that such a notion is not
only absurd but also insulting to those struggling with the idea that
they might be homosexual.
For the most part homosexuality can be discussed openly and
honestly today without anywhere near the degree of shame or taboo
that was once associated with the topic as little as five or ten years
ago. A little visibility goes a long, long way, and isn't it amazing
what we've learned as a result? Gays and lesbians are in all walks of
life and in all professions. They lead normal lives, own homes, raise
children, attend PTA meetings, go to church, run for public office<let's
face it, they're pretty boring! Many hateful stereotypes still exist
out there and they are all too frequently used but they are being
destroyed every day through real life examples.
True progress towards understanding our differences happens
only when fears and prejudices are confronted through dialogue,
discussion, and visibility. The people who have th_e most positive
attitudes about homosexuals are those who say they know one or
more gay person well.
I've found often that the voice of opposition to accepting homosexuality as a naturally occurring element of human nature comes
most from people are not homosexuals. They speak from hearsay; I
speak from personal experience. Homosexuality is not a choice. The

only choice that comes in all of this is the choice of deciding how
you'll live your life. I was "7 before I gained enough courage and
self-respect to come out of the closet and embrace my true identity
free from the shame and self-loathing that I was brought up to feel.
If someone comes out to you you should be flattered. By such
an honest and personal admission that person is saying to you, "I
care so much about you and our relationship that I am willing to
risk possible alienation and rejection by you so that you will know
me for who I truly am. Until now I have been living a lie and hiding
my real self from you but you are too important to me to continue
lying." When you stop to consider the message it's quite a remarkable gift to receive. If our purpose here is to treat others in the
same manner as we would wish to be treated then I believe the
answer of how to react in this situation seems self-evident.
When it comes to the liberation associated with coming out
perhaps Elizabeth Birch, Executive Director of the Human Rights
Campaign, states it best: "Let me assure you that while being an
openly lesbian, gay, or bisexual person in this society isn't easy, it
is so much more gratifying than being in the closet. Lying and hiding, worrying that someone will discover your secret, consumes a
lot of personal energy and detracts from the quality of a person's
life. No one should be denied the opportunity to thrive and flourish
as a full human being because his or her sexual orientation is different from that of the majority."
Sunday, October" is the 10th anniversary of National Coming
Out Day. This day commemorates the historic '987 March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights. With hundreds of events in all 50
states NCOD increases visibility and awareness about equal rights
for lesbian, gay and bisexual people.
(Below is the bio I WANTED to use but the
Record-Eagle made me re-write it!)

Traverse City resident, Matt McCormick, did not choose his sexual
orientation. He did, however, choose to marry his partner of seven
years in 1996.

It's That Time of Year Again ...
Alan Williams

Ronald D. Jones

])cut,'{ StuJic

;4,t qallt,'{

Fired
121 E. Nelson Street
Cadillac, Ml 49601

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Earth
(616) 775-0888
FiredErth@aol.com

Winter is icummen in, Lhude sing Goddamm, Raineth drop and
staineth slop, And how the wind doth ramm! Sing: Goddamm. Ezra
Pound, "Ancient Music" It's November 2 as I sit here at the keyboard. Mother Nature thumbs her nose at us with a chilly reminder
that, although we got a break in October, winter is making its frigid
and snowy way down from the north to grace our beautiful countryside with a blanket of white. Well, at least some of us are hoping for
the blanket of white, anyway. We can bid a six-month farewell to
swimming, boating, cute men and women (a.k.a. "eye candy"), sunburns, mosquitoes, and tourist-fed traffic jams, and say hello to
curling up in front of a warm fire, shoveling snow, skidding on ice,
(It's That Time continued next page)

-5-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(It's That Time continued from previous page)

you see another show about hand-made Christmas ornaments.
shoveling snow, skiing, snowboarding, and lest I forget, shoveling
Get yourself a pen and a piece of paper, and write a letter to
snow. Oh, did I mention there was snow to be shoveled?
someone
you haven't heard from in a while. (That's right, I said
For all those people getting ready to trade in the summer ahhs
"pen and paper." Anyone can sit down at a typewriter or a
for the winter blahs, it's the time of year to steel yourself for the
computer and crank out a mini-epic to send off to someone, but
inevitable. Yes, folks, don't kid yourselves; you knew this season
for that really personal touch, try writing that letter by hand.
was coming. Don't let this winter get you down, though! Here are
You may find yourself choosing words with greater care when
a few survival tips for the newcomer to northern Michigan winters:
you run the risk of a hand cramp after a couple of pages.) Try
1. Extra pounds can be a good thing. Instead of worrying about
your hand at any kind of writing you fancy-journals, letters,
your waistline all winter and wondering how you're going to
poetry, prose, non-fiction. Put some quiet music on, then, and
slog through Blizzard #1,487 of the season to get to that gym,
get to work. The time will pass more quickly. You may even
follow the course of nature and let those extra pounds sit there
find that you've written something to submit to Networking
for a while. (Hey, boys, did you ever notice that the "big fat
queen" you've been putting down all summer doesn't have to
(hint, hint).
waste half his energy shivering in the winter?)
7. Winter is a fantastic time to go shopping. "Going shopping"
2. Winter is a great excuse to get in extra snuggling time. It's
doesn't mean spending next year's salary in a mad rush. Window shopping is often just as fun. (One of the things I love to
especially handy for all those guys who like the "bear" crowd.
Who needs a soft, fuzzy blanket when a soft, fuzzy man is availdo is to go window shopping with a friend or group of friends
able? Men and women alike can use the classic "It's too cold
and make a day of it, complete with lunch and sometimes even
and snowy to go anywhere tonight" line to bring themselves a
a matinee show at the cinema.) Going shopping often either
satisfies your need for human contact or reminds you why you've
little closer to their mates. Ah, bonding ....
3. Winter does not mean the death of fashion. For all those who
been staying home alone in the first place.
believe that winter is the season of drab plaid flannel, rememWhatever you choose to do, I hope you'll add "attending Friends
ber that layers of clothing are the best way to keep warm, and North" events to your list. They're a great way to meet new people
if you coordinate them right, the best way to show off half a and relieve some of the doldrums the winter can bring with it.
new wardrobe at once. Forget the oversized mega-coats from
hell; get yourself a sharp-looking turtleneck and wear something really bright on top of it. Unless, of course, you're like
me and you have enough padding to make layers a non-essenGay brothers and lesbian sisters
tial.
Chris Convissor
4. Get plenty of light in the winter. Did you think the Holiday
It's awfully difficult to write with a cat in your lap. Oops I just
Blues were just a psychological thing? Not necessarily. Some
people have a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder, where fell into a stereotype didn't I? A lesbian with a cat ... whatta shock.
the reduced daylight hours of the winter months can actually But it's true ... he keeps pawing at my hand and trying to take it
induce depression. If you're one of the people who suffers from away from the keyboard and bring it to him. Pet Me!!!
The thing about words is you think you know what they mean
this condition and you have a lot of money, you can always go
until
you investigate. Stereotype's first definition is (in the Britanicca
south of the equator for the winter, since it's summer down
Dictionary):"
A plate taken in type metal from a matrix, as of paper,
there. If you aren't, then talk to your doctor about solutions.
There are special lights called full-spectrum lights that are a reproducing the surface from which the matrix was made."
Hmm.
bigger help than just sitting closer to that old incandescent
You
have to read all the way down to the fourth definition to
bulb you've got hanging in the laundry room.
get
"
A
conventional
or hackneyed expression, custom, or mode of
5. Try winter sports. Okay, if you simply must go out and expend
thought."
loads of energy in your personal Battle of the Bulge, and if you
Hackneyed. Well, I thought I knew what stereotyped meant.
simply can't stand the idea of exercising indoors (where there's
Plod
over and get the other half of the dictionary down. ( I
less chance for you to get to know hypothermia on an intimate
basis), and if you've never tried hopping on a pair of skis or know I can use the computer's dictionary, but what dictionary is
strapping snowshoes to your boots, give it a shot. By all means, that?)
Hackneyed:" Worn out by frequent use; trite."
bundle up, though; it wouldn't do to head to SideTraxx afterThe
thing about stereotypes is I hate falling into them. As in
wards and spend half your time there trying to get your eyelashes
Lesbian:"
Butch, mechanic, truck driver, hates men .... " well you get
to thaw.
the
picture.
And occassionally that has happened in my life Only I
6. Winter is a great time to polish your writing skills. Maybe
you've already tried the winter sports gig and it didn't work for know there is this other side of me that would just thrill my mother:
you, or you're getting bored sitting around the house alone and I like doing laundry. My voice has gotten quite high on occassion. I
it's too early to go out to the bar. Or maybe you're snowed in cry at Christmas commercials, or as the older generation often says:
and you're ready to throw the television set out the window if

Stereotypes:

(Stereotypes continued next page)

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(Stereotypes continued from previous page)

Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. Arrggh! I did it again.
Another damn stereotype! I resist being a butch, but Let's face it
not many women have a very strong upper body and make a Living
with it. Those of us that do havea strong upper body and make a
Living with it generally Live with women. Don't know why. It's a
damn stereotype.
So if I'm just a plate taken from type metal reproducing the
surface I came from does that mean there's an iota of truth in some
stereotypes?
Stereotypes are worn, hackneyed expressions, overused to the
point of being trite. I think the truth is somewhere in between. I
think observations are made without understanding and from these
observations stereotypes are born .. so there are some truths in
there.. but not truths from a point of understanding. So, are they
still stereotypes if you understand where it's coming from? I dunno.
ALL I know is I hate falling into them but then I have to recognize when it can get confusing.
Whenever anyone asks me what the differences are between
men and women the first image that comes to mind is when we
were camping in Saugatuck and woke up to men having breakfasts
with candleabra's and souffles, and all the women with their heads
bent under the open hoods of cars.
The second image that comes to mind is when we stopped behind a disabled vehicle Leaving the Michigan Womyns Fest one year.
Just as we reached the car a man pulled up from a nearby garage. He
poured gasoline down the carburetor and was attempting to start
the car when flames shot our the carb and caught on some extra gas
that spilled on the engine. As he jumped out and stared at it for a
minute one of the women whipped off her flannell shirt (and since
we'd just left the festival she was au natural)and put out the blaze.
After another pregnant pause the guy spoke,"Guess I shoulda
done that, huh?"
One year we were looking at old family 8 mm movies of Christmases past. Among the six kids playing, my older brother had a
baby Hoover with its own Light. He also proudly mugged for the
camera while ironing on his very own ironing board. With his beaming face he was the pride of the household; of course not to be
upstaged, I ran by him and towards the camera with my 6 shot
indigo flourescent rubber tipped space gun, exulatantly dressed in
my new cowboy boots and hat. At this point in our Little cinemania

::-'

-·:;:

we just had to turn to Mom and ask, " How could you not have
known?"
Recently my older brother told me that at the request of several
Lesbians, he and a few other gay male friends were asked to spend
time with the Lesbians sons. Lesbians tend to have sons because so
many use artifical insemination and for some reason being AI'd tends
to throw male children. In any case, there were forty or so boys that
needed male role models in Kalamazoo. I had to ask," Why? So they
can Learn how to cook and sew?"
A neighbor Living next to my Mom needed help with his car. My
older brother and I offered to help Mr. B. We drove to Farm and Fleet
for the oil and filter. As I Looked up the parts he paced impatiently
saying, "I don't know why you're doing this .. we could take it to one
of those quickie places. Now I'LL have to find some way to dispose of
the oil." Geez, you'd think it was nuclear acid.
"Just shutup." I growled,"This is the way I nurture."
As we approached the cashier, she Looked at the quarts of oil
and the filter I had placed on the belt and then looked at my brother
and quipped," Oh she's got your work cut out for you."
Yea, right, I'm thinking.
I turn and see my brother Jim doing this butch Nathan Lane
thing Like ,"Yeah ... ! guess so."
What is up with that?
That was just the beginning. We had to find the particular polish I was looking for at an auto parts place. Jim followed me around
the corners of the store like a puppy lost in a maze. The standard
three or four guys with nothing better to do on a Sunday than hang
out at the parts counter ( okay! It's a stereotype, but I swear it's
true!!!)and see what turns up, eyed us speculatively. Finally the
counter guy approached and asked Jim, not looking at me,what we
were looking for.
"Do you have any 3M fine grit, polishing compound. Liquid, not
paste?" I ask. Still not Looking at me, the guy shows Jim where the
polish is.
"Perfect!" I reply, placing it on the counter. The human fixtures
holding up the counter elbow Jim knowingly saying,"Eh! The Little
lady's got your day planned, huh?" As if absorbing the concentrated
straight testosterone Jim does that neanderthal man thing
again,"Yup! The Little Lady's got me working!!!" and when we get
out to the car I whap him on the arm.

R

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(Stereotypes continued from previous page)

"What's up with that? Did you want me to tell them you had
your Hoover all polished and ready to go?"
"Ow!" Jim replies, rubbing the place where I hope a bruise turns
up in a day or two."I dunno. What was I supposed to say?"
"Don't be doing that straight man thing!Sheesh! It gives me
the creeps."
To his credit my brother did redeem himself. He was on the golf
course with 3 other gay guys, none of whom knew each other very
well. As the conversation progressed it turned out they all had lesbian sisters. Casually, one of the guys mentioned his sister was a
star basketball player when she attended college. One of the other
guys mentioned his sister had played varsity softball, the other guy's
sister had been a rugby player. Jim piped up and said,"Chris was the
only female in her college wrestling class."
At the next hole, one of the guys said his sister worked for UPS.
"Mine delivers auto parts."
"Mine drives a service van for AT&T."
Jim proudly announced I operated a bulldozer.
Afew holes later Jim asked what kind of vehicles the sisters all
drove: one had a Toyota, one had a Subaru, one had a 4 wheel drive
vehicle. Jim fudged and said I owned a semi, a Peterbilt, to be
exact.
At the last hole one of the players announced his sister had just
finished painting their Mom's entire house. Another said his sister
had reroofed their Mom's house. The third guy said his sister had
trimmed trees for their Mom. They looked at Jim expectantly and
from his par 3 putt he answered,"My sister rented a backhoe and put
in new drain tiling all the way around Mom's house."
Well you can see where all this one upmanship went.
I suppose the biggest surprise about gay men and lesbian women
came for me one day when I walked into a bar after a long day at the
utility company. The water hole had been deeper than usual and
muckier than usual and the backhoe operator ( not me this time)
had snagged the gas. There I stood in mud up to my ass waiting two
hours while the consumer power guys came from another job. The
two repair guys for the gas company were friendlier than usual and
made quick work of the repair. Nevertheless we had to work late and
I was dog-tired. So when I arrived at the local gay hangout for a
beer, lo and behold were my two gas boys. Two gas, gay boys.
They grinned like we were old buddies and low fived me and
said,"We kind of figured .. "
"Well, I didn't." I confessed."You totally blew past my gaydar."
"You had your mind on other things." one of them remarked,
motioning me to sit and have a beer with them. The other one
looked me over, eyeing the same blue clay he wore on his work
jeans."Dontchya just hate the way this adds five extra pounds to our
figures?" he asked me.
Maybe the thing with stereotypes is they're a lot like words: You
can think you know what they mean until you investigate.

local e s
Notes from the Theatre Stage
by Charles Westerfield

The Only Thing Worse You Could Have Told Me came to NMC's
theatre stage in October. Directed and performed by Chris Franklin,
it is a series of fourteen monologues written and originally performed by Dan Butler. Butler is noted to be the one of the only out
gay actors who has gained national attention. Readers might recognize Butler from his role on the popular show Frasier as the disc
jockey/radio talk show host, Bulldog. The Only Thing Worse ... is a
collection of monologues of characters that deal with various issues
that many of us can relate to such as coming out, building an intimate relationship with that "special person", confronting homophobia
and losing best friends to AIDS. The title comes from a monologue
of a son reflecting on his broken relationship, which is finally on the
mend, with his father.
The performance, approximately an hour and a half long, is filled
with scenes that make the audience laugh at the every day reality of
being gay/lesbian at the same time as offering us an opportunity to
reflect on that which is important in our lives - our friendships with
one another and our loved ones. The monologue that Chris describes
as his favorite is the last one of the performance. In this monologue, we meet Leslie. Leslie is a volunteer who takes meals to persons
with AIDS. In the course of his volunteering, he meets a gentleman
named JB. The audience is privileged to observe the transformation
that Leslie undergoes during his time with JB. Leslie starts out very
skeptical about the situation he finds himself in, but by the end of
the monologue, we see how Leslie has formed a very special relationship with JB. In fact, Leslie recognizes that he has fallen, at
least on some level, in love with JB. He recognizes that JB has come
to be held in a very special place in his heart. And when JB passes
away, Leslie realizes thatJB has taught him many important lessons
that he can use later in life.
Chris comes to NMC from the Ann Arbor area. He is studying
theatre and communications and "The Only Thing Worse" ... was Chris'
NMC directorial debut. However, Chris is no stranger to the stage.
Performing and acting since early high school, Chris has been featured in and directed many different productions throughout high
school and professionally on tour. Before coming to NMC, Chris toured
17 states for four months performing with a national troupe of actors who share his passion for the performing arts.
Chris was originally approached last fall by Jill Beauchamp, NMC's
director of theatre, to direct the mainstage production for Fall, 1998.
Chris used The Only Thing Worse ... as a learning experience for not
only himself but also for the students that he would be directing in
Days in the Life. The first production not only gave Chris some more
valuable stage experience, but it also provided an opportunity to
the students he would directing in Days an opportunity to see the
results of his directorial vision and practice since The Only Thing

(Notes- continued on next page)
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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Pmaerty

pf the Ce,..r,;.,;.toli,\,r_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

Worse... only features one actor and Chris filled that role as well.
The Only Thing Worse ... served not only practical purposes for Chris.
It was also an experience of personal growth and gratitude. Chris is
very mindful that the theatre community was the first to embrace
him fully. He saw his direction, production and performance of The
Only Thing Worse ... as a love letter back to the theatre community
as a very personal thank you.
Chris is not finished with his directing experiences this semester yet either. He is busy directing a group of NMC students in a
production that will take the stage in early December entitled Days
In the Life. Days ... is an original collection of short scenes and
monologues arranged by Chris that will highlight young adults and
their experiences in building interpersonal relationships.
Chris is very excited about "Days in the Life" because not only
is it material that the younger NMC theatre students can relate to
since it focuses on young adults. Most of the pieces are from the
Young Playwrights of the Walden Theatre Conservatory in Kentucky.
Most of these playwrights are in their teens. He hopes that the
parents of the many students come to the performance to see another perspective that they might have forgotten about, that is,
what it's like to be young and building interpersonal relationships.
Also included in this production are two pieces by David Ives entitled "Sure Thing" and "English Made Simple", both of which also
focus on the experiences of young adults. He picked thts theme to
follow because he feels that is an easy theme for theatre students to
portray since it is close to their real lives.
Outside of the theatre, Chris also serves as the Vice President to
Triangles and Rainbows, NMC's gay and lesbian student group. Also,
as a new journey, He is serving as a resident assistant in one of
NMC's residence halls (also known as "dorms", but don't call them
that around people involved with residence life!) Chris hopes to
continue acting and performing a very long time. However, he also
hopes to focus on the preservation of human rights, especially for
young adults. Chris is a vocal advocate of human rights. He feels
very strongly that his roles as an activist and performing artist can
complement each other many different ways. He is particularly focused on how important it is that roles models are for our youth. He
doesn't feel that there are enough of them. He greatly values the
support that he received from the theatre community as he continues on his life long journey of coming out. He feels that he is called
to offer a hand to those who come after him, just as those who
came before him gave their him their support. While he doesn't
believe in the practice of outing anyone, he does firmly believe that
closeted gay actors have much more to gain by coming out than by
staying in the closet. Chris is in his second year at NMC. Because he
was just named a new resident assistant, he plans on staying at NMC
for a third year. He is looking forward to continuing his studies both
at NMC and beyond.
Days in the Life is coming to the stage December 3,4,5 and
10, 11, and 12th. It will take place in the theatre in the Science and
Math Building, Room 217. Cost is only $3 for students and $5 for
community members.

Club Flamingo: A Tribute
T. Neil Hilton

Recently, the deluge of anti-gay speech, actions and symbolic
gestures has increased to an extent unseen in recent memory. This
is made all the worse when one considers the great strides our community has made over the past twenty years. The gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender movement is haltingly making progress.
We have achieved much - yet have even greater challenges ahead.
Within the space of a few weeks a powerful leader of our country disparaged us horribly, a young gay man was crucified, religious
fanatics have denied being accomplices to murder, hate mongers
have called for the execution of all gay people and common sense
has been swept under the rug.
This is all the more demoralizing when one observes our
community's internal devisiveness. Such as when one of our most
respected national organizations endorses the election to high public office of a member of the opposing team.
This was my state of mind early this evening.
Then, tonight, as with almost every Thursday for the past seven
years, I went to a bar in Pontiac with several of my good friends.
The bar is called Club Flamingo and it's proprietor is Reginald Doyon
(Reggie).
The Club Flamingo has been a bar in Pontiac for over thirty
years. Up until eight years ago it's clientel was the workers of
Pontiac's automobile factories. In 1990, Reggie purchased the bar
with his retirement money. Initially, he ran it as he bought it, as a
"straight" bar.
In his second year of ownership, Reggie had accummulated
enough money to take a chance at serving the glbt community in an
establishment far removed from most of gay Detroit. When I first
went to Reggie's, the bar was in horrible shape, it was in a very bad
section of town and we couldn't believe that anyone could think
that a gay bar would be successful under such circumstances.
Since that time, Reggie has reinvested all of his money back
into the bar. Slowly and patiently, he tore out walls, improved the
parking lot, put in landscaping and bought the vacant houses that
surrounded his business. He didn't tear down those houses, he
remodled them and opened them up to glbt people that needed a
place to rent.
(Club Flamingo continued on page 12)

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Phone 616/946-5540 • Fax 616/946-0258

1301 S. Garfield Road • Traverse City, MI 49686
Toll Free 800/678-6968 • www.traversemotors.com

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

IcC I L ~ § s

TI JF TI IE ] [ )) s

All classified announcements are run without charge. Please email
them to <tux00l@aol.com>,submit them in writing to Friends North,
or call 616-271-3042 and leave the advertisement on the answering
machine - along with a contact phone number.

PERSONALS:
ME: Large, rugged, educated, somewhat cultured, nurturing, ex-soldier

and sometimes-activist. Mid 30's; HiV-neg; . Avid gardener, motorcyclist
and new to area. YOU: colledge educated preferred but not req'd.,
adventuresome, independent. Not Too: Fat, thin, drunk, etc., or otherwise
unbalanced . HiV-neg gay male. US: Let's see what amazing things we can
pull off together. Write to Bob Buck, 7 Bowerman Rd., Manistee, MI 49660
(issue 1)
21 year old crossdresser who wants to be transgendered. Outgoing; enjoys
long walks, biking, movies. Looking for a roommate and long term
relationship. Write to 1627 Woodward Avenue, Traverse City, MI 49684 947-1330 (issue 4)

HOUSING:
Room for rent in brand new home: 10 minutes from town. Large bedroom

with double closet, bathroom with large garden tub and skylight. Kitchen
and laundry privileges. Looking for clean, professional, responsible,
nonsmoker. $300/mo. includes all utilities except L.D. phone. Call Kirk,
days@ 935-1888, evenings@ 943-7879 or e-mail to: DESIGNS5@aol.com.
(issue4)

ONGOING ANNOUNCEMENTS
QUESTIONS ABOUT HIV AND AIDS? Call locally 24 hours a day to 947-1110.

This program is sponsored by the HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks Grand Traverse
Area and is staffed by Third Level Crisis Center volunteers. (Issue 5)
REPORT HATE CRIMES!! Call The Triangle Foundation at 1-888-442-9287.
(ongoing)
GRAND TRAVERSE COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT: Their Reproductive
Health Clinic is open to women and men of all ages. Confidential services
provided are physical exams, HIV counseling and testing, pregnancy
testing, sexual transmitted disease testing and treatment, all methods of
birth control available, FREE Norplants, Depo-Provera, IUDs, and Condoms.
For more info about these and other methods which are charged on a sliding
fee scale, call 922-4630. Services are by appointment only. (issue 1)

GROUPS:
FRIENDS NORTH MEETINGS: The Friends North Board meets on the first

Tuesday of each month (Except August) at 6:30 p.m. at Grace Episcopal
Church, corner of Washington and Boardman Streets, across from the Old
Courthouse. ALL ARE WELCOME (ongoing)
FRIENDS NORTH TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE: This support group includes
crossdressers, tanssexuals, transgendered and those somewhere in
between. Meetings are held monthly at Third Level in Traverse City.
Spouses, friends, and S/O's are also invited to attendin this smoke/alcohol
free environment. Call 616-946-1804 for more information. (ongoing)
COMMON VOICES-THE FRIENDS NORTH RAP GROUP is a group of men and
women who get together monthly for informal discussion, often on a
particular topic. Please join us on the 2nd Wednesday of every month at
Grace Episcopal Church, 349 Washington, T.C., at 7:30pm. For information,
call Tom at 275-6127. (ongoing)
GLSEN, the Gay-Lesbian-Straight Education Network, is meeting monthly
in Traverse City. They welcome all interested educators. For more
information, call M'Lynn at 943-5050. (ongoing)

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

I

P-FLAG: (Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays.) This is a
network of parents, friends, and families of lesbians and gays who meet
monthly to offer information, support, and a place to talk with others about
the issues concerning them. Gays and Lesbians are also welcome and
encouraged to attend P-FLAG meetings. Meet at Grace Episcopal Church
every third Wednesday of the month, at 7:30 pm. For more information call
Patrice Stewart at 933-6628( ongoing)
WINDFIRE: This is a local youth support group for teens and others under
the age of 25, which meets on a weekly basis in an atmosphere that is
comfortable and friendly. Please contact Third Level at 922-4800 or 1-800442-7315 for location, date and time. (ongoing)
OUT 'N ABOUT is a lesbian coffeehouse featuring entertainment as well
as a chance to meet others from the area. It all happens at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Rd. in T.C. Please see the Out 'n About calendar elsewhere in
this newsletter for times and specific activities. (ongoing)
TRIANGLES AND RAINBOWS: Agroup of lesbian, gay, straight and bisexual
students at NMC who together believe that celebrating diversity is
fundamental to a healthy community and future. To help or participate
contact T&R at 922-1512 or email at <t_and_r_group@hotmail.com>
(ongoing)
TRAVERSE CITY FRONTRUNNERS If you are interested in running, call
Jim or Kirk at 933-5250 and leave your name, number, and that you are
interested in Frontrunners. He will return your call with information on
where to meet. All ages and abilities are welcome. (ongoing)
WELLNESS NETWORKS SUPPORT GROUP is for people with HIV or
AIDS and they welcome you to attend. Please drop in Monday evenings from
6:00 to 7:30 pm at the Grace Episcopal Church library at 341 Washington in
Traverse City. Every fourth Monday of the month the Significant-Other
Support Group will be meeting at 3301 Veterans Drive, Suite 221, just north
of S. Airport Road . For further information, please call 933-0279. (ongoing)
NORTHERN MICHIGAN WOMYN'S CHOIR is always looking for new
voices. To obtain more information or for a performance schedule, please
contact Deb at 276-9357. (ongoing)
GAY ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Meetings for gays and lesbians are
held each Wednesday at 5:30 pm and Saturday at 11:00 am at Grace
Episcopal Church, corner Washington and Boardman Streets in TC. For
further info, call John at 922-0746 or Hilda at 938-9294. (ongoing)
RAINBOW FRIENDS-ALPENA reaches out to lesbians, gays, bisexual and the
transgendered in the NE Michigan area. Individuals in the region should
feel free to call 517-354-0841 and contact me (Brad Vauter) for more
information. Informal pot-luck type gatherings are generally held monthly
in Alpena. In addition, occasional field trips are sometimes planned by
interested participants.(issue 4)
THE PETOSKEY GROUP: A social group for lesbian, gay and bi-sexual
persons is meeting weekly in Petoskey. The group meets at 6:30 p.m.
Wednesdays at the Noggin Room in the Perry Hotel. For information please
contact Tim at 616-348-8151 (ongoing)
THE UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST CONGREGATION-PETOSKEY is
meeting at the Concord Academy, 2230 East Mitchell St. Services are held
on the first and third Sundays of the month at 11 a.m. Please call 347-8916
for details or write POB 873, Petoskey, MI 49770-0873 (Issue 5)
H.A.N.D.S-PETOSKEY is an HIV/AIDS Network located north of Traverse
City. They are currently seeking volunteers in the northern lower peninsula
and eastern upper peninsula of Michigan. HANDS is a non-profit
organization that has committed itself to helping and supporting the needs
of HIV infected persons. They offer a number of services, including support
groups, education, public awareness, and one-on-one friendship support.
Volunteers are urgently needed in the Alpena, Gaylord, and Rogers City
areas. If you would be interested in the program, please call 616-526-9213.
(ongoing)

- 10 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Thanks for the recent note about ceasing mailing the newsletter
to non-supporting members. After the death of my friend Jigger
Johnson, I stopped visiting the Traverse City area. It has been a
great means of staying in touch with one of my favorite parts of the
country and some of the friends I made when I used to visit in the
summers. I certainly understand the financial constraints of a mailing to people who do not maintain a membership, as I am the treasurer
of the Houston Lesbian & Gay Community Center here in Houston.
Keep up the good work & when I am able I will send a donation.
Thanks. Patrick McKee

us. (The whole idea that we are willing to hide has become increasingly
disturbing to me. Try replacing "known homosexual" with "known person
of color'' or "an admitted Hispanic.") Another thing I have learned is that
communication from the at-large community remains a powerful vehicle
for change. Athird lesson is that we cannot expect or effect change if we
are uninvolved and invisible. The FN cards address a wide range of social
and political issues and provide a quick and easy way to assert ourselves
as members of the gay/lesbian community.
It is for these reasons that I am enclosing a contribution to FN to be
used in part for postcards in the next issue of NETWORKING ... , and as a
50% contribution for postcards in each of two subsequent issues which I
hope will be matched by other members of FN.-Peter King.

To members of Friends North,
I am always interested to receive NETWORKING ... , even though I am
in northwestern lower Michigan for only a few months each year. I have
been disappointed to see that for several issues, there have been no
postcards. My work in recent years on PACs and other involvements with
gay political organizations in the large east-coast city where I spend
much of my year has convinced me that the FN postcards are a valuable
vehicle in our struggle for legal, financial, and social equaity. Taking
Senaotrs to dinner, Congressmen to lunch, feting States' Attorneys General at the Union League, and attending the endless round of
congratulatory-cum-fund-raising cocktail parties have come to seem in
my judgement, uselessly self-celebratory and an ineffective way to reform either public opinion or policy regarding gay issues. In contrast, the
FN postcards provide direct feedback to persons making and influencing
policies that relate to gay issues across the political, occupational, and
social spectrum. FN identifies the issue, the person to contact and provides the text. for $4.00 in ostage and your signature, you can have a
voice on 20 gay issues each year!
One of the things that I have learned during my recent years of
political involvement is that it is not enough to come out to family,
friends, and colleagues, people who generally already know and accept

Gratitude
I wish to thank all in the gay community who have supported
me in so many ways the past few months as I continue to heal well
from brain surgery. life is void of meaning without friends and loved
ones. Having worked in hospitals, one is given a whole new perspectives on life when lying flat on your own back, totally entrusting
your very life to strangers and a Higher Power. My firm belief in a
spiritual afterlife removed the fear of death. Nonetheless, it felt
damn good to walk out of that hospital on my own two feet! It
wasn't time to say goodbye to Planet Earth yet.
However, I had time to ponder the lives of so many young ones
that I have said goodbye to over the years that were not able to
leave their hospital beds except via the hearse, often die to AIDs,
addiction, or suicide. Indeed, how all too short and precious life can
be. They have just gone on ahead of me. I still have much unfinished business on this side to complete before I join them.
Although change is in the wind, I find that support in times of
need or crisis continues to come primarily from within our own
ranks, thus making more compassion and less judgement essential.
Letters continued next page

B AT I C

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Todd McMillen
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Ca.ARLES WESTERFIELD
President

941-8255
P.O. Box 2057

Trav<;rse City, MI 42685

326 East Front Street
Traverse City, MI 49684
616-947-8908

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Phbnei 616.946.3154
t Fai§J6.946.30S0

Mark Lizenby

- 11 -

WWWibatic.com
chktl~@batic.com

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Letters continued from previous page

Club Flamingo continued from page 9

Most significantly, however, was Reggie's refusal to hide what
the bar was. A few years ago he installed three very tall flag poles:
two that flew a rainbow flag and one in the middle that sported the
American flag. Mind you, this powerful symbol of gay pride is placed
front-and-center on one of the busiest streets in Pontiac and Oakland County.
Robert G. Clayton
As you can thus surmise, he maintained the visibility of his glbt
business
at great risk. His bar has been shot at several times by
Doug Bradley's beating was barbaric
shotgun
wielding
thugs and a cowardly pipsqueek dispensed a tear
To all of my neighbors, residents of Northern Michigan, and all who
gas
canister
inside
the bar one New Year's eve. Granted this was
claim to believe in a power greater than themselves.
several
years
ago
and
rarely still occurs, but Reggie's preserverance
Doug Bradley is a dear friend of mine. I saw Doug last Sunday, as I
usually do, and discovered he had been brutally attacked. A couple of shone through.
In addition to being a place where "everyone knows your name",
drunken fiends followed Doug home. I asked Doug why someone would
the
Flamingo was also the place where Scott Amedure earned his
do this to him. With a saddened smile, Doug replied' "Well, haven't you
living.
Scott's death, the event's that swirled around his passing and
heard'? ... I'm gay." I sunk into my chair. My heart was just broken for him.
Reggie's
support of his defense again bespoke of great resilience.
My friend explained he had been savagely beaten by two homophobics,
From
the very beginning, Reggie instituted show night on
as another person watched. I felt just sickened. Appalled. Disgusted.
Thursday's
and consistently delivers a good time to all of us in North
How unbelievably horrifying; to be v viciously beaten because of sexual
Oakland County. For many of those years his host has been Aura Lee.
orientation that differs from another.
Before beginning tonight's show, Aura Lee walked out onto the
Yes, my dear friend is a gay man. A gay man who is a wonderful
stage
and made an anouncement that lifted the spirits of everyone
person to many. A man who has numerous friends who love him. A man
in
the
bar. Tommorrow evening, Reginald Doyon and the Club Flawho is fun and funny. A man I like to he around. A man who does not
mingo,
at the Pontiac Silverdome, in front of the citizens of Pontiac
approach heterosexual men in a homosexual manner Why would he?
and
from
the mayor of the City of Pontiac, will recieve Pontiac's
"You, Homophobes," you do not have what Doug wants. "You" do
annual
business
beautification of the year award.
not have the love and compassion Doug seeks. The same love and comHe
has
invested
thousands of dollars into the gentrification of the
passion that radiates from his smile and pounds from his heart. So, flatter
area surrounding his business. An area that was filled with abandoned
yourselves no more. Do not be afraid.
The only thing my friend may want from "you' is the inherent right to be houses and nefarious activities is now a space of pride and beauty.
Reggie is a shy person. One rarely sees his name unless its on
treated as a human being, with dignify worthy of every right granted to all
a
check
carrying a modest donation to a glbt or AIDS organization.
Doug was beaten with a rocker in early October. He suffered a broken
Throughout
the year, Reggie, along with Aura Lee and the rest of his
nose, lacerations and bruises to his beautiful face, loose teeth (which he
staff,
raises
hundreds of dollars for our community.
had to grind back into place), bruised ribs, shoulders and back, and
And,
tommorrow
night, a glbt person is going to be recognized
emotional anguish no one should endure. 1 hurt for my friend. Doug was
by
Pontiac,
that
bastion
of blue collar values, for his rather mainsimply walking home.
To his assailants, shame on you and may justice be expedient to you stream contribution to the improvement of that community.
In light of this, one can't help but think about people like Matboth for your ignorance, intolerance, bigotry, and barbaric behavior.
thew
Shepard, Harvey Milk, Allan Gilmour, Sandy Berris, Jan
Too many people consume precious time with prejudices and intolerStevenson,
Tom Guiseppe, Ellen Degeneres, Susan Horowitz, Jeff
ance. Unfortunate for some of you, because I know a great man; I have a
Montgomery,
Howard Israel, Ginger Ward, Jeff Phillips, Henry Messer,
great friend.
Bill
Thomas,
Carl House, Cindy Woodbury, Cornelius Wilson, Sean
Christy K Dunham • Traverse City
Kosofsky,
Jim
Domanski, Elizabeth Birch and everyone at HRC, Leon
(Reprinted from, October 28, Northern Express
It's so important to let others know personally that they are valued.
Share a smile, laugh, or tear. Make a call, write a letter, hold a hand,
sit with someone'. Continue to make those human contacts. It doesn't
matter if they seem to go unreturned. It's the giving that counts.
Above all, never give up, for who knows what marvelous surprise is waiting just around the next bend. Thanks again to all.

ANDREW

L.

••

MITCHELL

ACCREDITED BUSINESS ACCOUNTANT

PHONE (616) 947-4270
FAX (616) 947-6497

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PHONE

LINDA L. WIKLE

ANDY@ALMITCHELL.COM

- 12 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Annual

(O)RTH

f'

WiV1te. R pCf RtY
Sunday, February 28, 1999
1 P.M. to 5 P.M.

Bailey's Warming Hut
Village of Suttons Bay
(Call Kirk at 933-5250 for directions)
Come enjoy the
2nd Annual Friend's North Board Chili Cook-off
(You'll get to vote on the best chili!)
Bring a dish to pass!

Don't forget to bring your sleds, skis, snowshoes,
or any other FUN TOYS to play in the snow!

Club Flamingo continued from page 12

Matthews, George Fadiga, Henry Grix, Kerry Lobel and everyone at
NGLTF, Rob Fetzer, Joy Geng, Michaelangelo Signorole, Jay Sennet,
Craig Covey, Alan DeWolf, everyone at Lambda, David Geffen, Fred
Hochberg, Ambassador Hormel, Steve Gunderson, Michele Marquis,
John Sonego, David Adamany, Brooke Glaefke, Mike & Jan Nuebecker
and everyone at P/FLAG, GLSTN, Donna RedWing, Tom Dixie, Michael
Lary, Jay Sen net, Nikki Stevens, Beth Heaton, Chris Colb, Jim Gibbs,
Urvashi Vaid, NCAVP and the hundreds of thousands of gays (and
straights) that, in various ways, push our movement forward.
When I was leaving the Flamingo this evening, I found Reggie
at his usual place by the door telling everyone to "Drive safely". I
grabbed his hand and congratulated him on this great thing. He
responded by smiling and saying, "Yes dear, it's pretty nice."
Please take a moment to think about Reggie, his bar, his staff
and his customers and what they have contributed to our movement. Also please take a moment to congratulate him. Although he
doesn't have e mail, he can be reached at: Club Flamingo, 352
Oakland Avenue, Pontiac MI 48342.
T. Neil Hilton - TNHilton@aol.com

by Dan Savage

When Christian conservative groups began buying ads in newspapers and on television promoting the "ex- gay" movement-men
and women who claim to have "freed themselves" from the "gay
lifestyle," if not from gay desire, by accepting Jesus Christ-the
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force called the campaign a "kinder,
gentler homophobia." Ostensibly -directed at gays and lesbians, these
ex-gay ads seemed positively benign when compared to the rhetoric
American gays and lesbians are typically subjected to.
In fact, the campaign was hard to take seriously: Many gays
and lesbians have already accepted Jesus Christ and most gay Christians believe Jesus Christ accepts them-as gays and lesbians;
"ex-gay" or reparative therapy has never been proven effective and
is rejected as harmful by all mainstream mental-health organizations and professionals; and ex-gay ministries, including Seattle-based
Exodus International, can't minister to gays and lesbians -who aren't
interested in "escaping" homosexuality. What harm could these ads
do?
A considerable amount, as we're beginning to realize. Gays and
lesbians were never the true target of the ex-gay campaign and its
"message of salvation." The target from the beginning has been
straight Americans, and the message is not that Jesus Christ loves
gays and lesbians, or that there is "hope for healing" people who
are not ill, but that gay and lesbian Americans should simply not be
gay or lesbian. The ongoing ex-gay campaign implicitly argues that
gay and lesbian Americans don't have to exist-if we would only
give ourselves to Jesus Christ we could be straight.

There is nothing kind or gentle about this message: This is an
effort to spread a more deadly new form of homophobia through
American society. By arguing that the only thing standing between
a world free of - homosexuality-a world free of homosexual peopleare stubborn gays and lesbians, by arguing that we don't have to
exist, the ex-gay campaign implicitly argues gays and lesbians have
no right to exist.
American Christian conservatives are attempting to introduce a
new kind of anti-gay hatred: an eliminationist In his book Hitler's
Willing Executioners:: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust," author
Daniel Gold hagen describes pre-war German anti-Semitism as unique
and murderous, which he termed "eliminationist." German Christian
churches inspired visions of Jews as "Christ-killers," and Jews came
to be regarded as a poisonous anti-race that had to be eliminated in
order to purify German culture. In America at the end of the 20th
century, some American churches are creating an atmosphere of intolerance and hatred, with church-inspired visions of gays and
lesbians as Christ-rejecters, and homosexuality as a "behavior'' that
must be eliminated to purify American culture.
The distance is short between arguing that gays and lesbians as
a group have no rig~t to exist and someone taking it on himself to
end the existence of an individual gay or lesbian person. Homosexual] behavior cannot be eliminated without eliminating
homosexual people. Few gays and lesbians are interested in subjecting ourselves to "reparative therapy" quacks, and the vast majority
of us are happy as homosexuals, with no interest in becoming "exgay."
Matthew Shepard, the 22 year-old student tortured and murdered last week in Wyoming, was happy to be gay, had many close
friends, and a family
that loved him. And
Matthew Shepard no
longer exists, a victim
of eliminationist homophobia . While not
the first person in
America attacked or
murdered for being gay
or lesbian-a man in
Chicago remains in a
coma after a brutal attack last summer that
"Jwr.tly.flJmJ!p,wrir~pt,,pk&tt!"T~I.Alt,
failed to garner nahw -:.,iumdy_..Jfr""-.
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....,. _
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ex-gay man.
Christian conservatives have worked
-- __,. . . ~ - -== ::"Z";:.::~ ".:.~-~=-~~.::.- .. --hard to fan the flames
If you realjylovex,nieone,you]l telHhem U1e1.tuUt
of eliminationist ho=·-=--- - =:-- ~
=--mophobia, spending
nn•-..,,- •millions of dollars on

I'mµvingw,of that
Truth can set you free.

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(Homophobia continued next page)

NElWORKING 45° NORTH

- 13 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(Homophobia continued from previous page)

Chaplain's Reflection

anti-gay ad campaigns. Money that could have gone to house, feed
or provide health care for the poor-people Jesus Christ explicitly
A message from The Rt. Rev. Steven Charleston, Chaplain,
ordered his followers to look after-has instead been poured into
to
the
whole Trinity College (Hartford, Conn., USA) community...
hateful and expensive ad campaigns promoting eliminationist homophobia (full page ads in The New York Times do not come cheap).
I saw on the news today that Matthew Shepard died. He was the
One "pro-family" ex-gay ad encourages parents to reject their
22
year
old man from Wyoming who was beaten and tortured and
gay children. Matthew Shepard's parents did no such thing, rushing
left
to
die
for no reason other than he was a homosexual.
from Saudi Arabia (where Matthew's father works as an oil rig inspecThis
tragic
murder has raised a national debate again, the kind
tor) to their son's hospital bed. Matthew's parents arrived in Wyoming
in time to watch their son die of wounds inflicted by men who took of periodic soul-searching our society goes through whenever a crime
the American Family Association, Christian Coalition and Family Re- of hate startles us into awareness. The burning of Black churches,
search Council at their word: Matthew had no right to be gay, no right the bombing of innocent people, the death of a shy young man from
Wyoming: these events suddenly shake us out of complacency and
to exist, and so they kidnapped, tortured and murdered him.
Steven Schwalm from the Family Research Council, one of the remind us that fear, prejudice and rage are always the shadows just
organizations behind the ex-gay ad campaign, said in USA Today beyond the light of our reason. And so, people suddenly start to
that while he has "regret that the incident occurred," no one should speak out. There are voices of outrage and grief. Voices of sorrow
blame his organization simply because it opposes "homosexual ac- and demands to know why such a thing could happen. And predictibly,
tivity." But it is not possible to oppose and stigmatize homosexual there are also defensive voices:
The governor of Wyoming trying to explain why his state has no
activity without also stigmatizing homosexuals. Homosexuals are
laws
to protect people from hate crimes and the leadership of what
not an activity anymore than Jews or blacks or women are an activis
called
the Christian "right wing" trying to explain why their naity. We are people, people who happen to be gay. Homosexuality is
tional
ads
against homosexuality don't influence people to commit
not contagious, so there is no need for pro-family organizations to
such
violence
against gays and lesbians.
"oppose" us. Nor are we a threat to families: like Matthew, we are a
In the days to come, these many voices will fill our media and
part of our families.
the
cultural
consciousness it imprints until we are once again lulled
Christian conservatives have attempted to distance themselves
into
the
more
familiar patterns of our lives, dozing off as a nation
from the violence visited on Matthew Shepard. They must not be
until
the
next
tragedy
rings the alarm of despair.
allowed to do c so Conservatives like to talk about accountability,
As
the
chaplain
for
our own community, I would like to invite
so let the reliigous extremists who help make anti-gay violence a
us
all
to
consider
Matthew's
death in another way. Not through the
daily reality for gays and lesbians across this country be held acclamour
or
denials,
not
through
the shouts or cries of anger: but
countable. The violence in Laramie is a deadly consequence of the
rather,
through
the
silence
of
his
death, the silence of that young
hateful anti-gay rhetoric and eliminationist "ex-gay" ad campaigns.
man
hanging
on
his
cross
of
pain
alone
in the emptiness of a WyoFred Phelps, the pastor of a church in Kansas, picketed Shepard's
funeral today. Phelps and his followers have been protesting the funer- ming night, the silence that ultimately killed him as surely as the
als of gay men for nearly a decade. At Shepard's funeral, they intended beatings he endured.
Silence killed Matthew Shepard. The silence of Christians who
to carry signs that read "No Tears for Queers" and "Fag Matt in Hell"
know
that our scriptures on homosexuality are few and murky in
The actions of Phelps and his followers-the celebration of the elimiinterpretation
and far outweighed by the words of a savior whose
nation of a gay man-arc not a distortion of the religious light's position
only
comment
on
human relationships was to call us to never judge
on homosexual people but a distillation of it.
but
only
to
love.
The
silence of well-meaning educated people who
Dan Savage is a columnist and assodate editor at
The Stranger, a Seattle weekly paper pretend to have an enlightened view of homosexuality while quietly
tolerating the abuse of gays and lesbians in their own communities.

Suzette Corbit, Chiropractor
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- 14 -

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

The silence of our elected officials who have the authority to make
changes but prefer to count votes. The silence of the majority of
"straight" Americans who shift uncomfortably when confronted by
the thought that gays and lesbians may be no different from themselves, save for the fact that they are walking targets for bigotry,
disrespect, cheap humor, and apparently, of murder.
Crimes of hate may live in shouts of rage, but they are born in
silence. Here at Trinity, I hope we will all listen to that silence.
Before we jump to decry Matthew's senseless death or before we
seek to rationalize it with loud disclaimers: I hope we will just hear
the silence. A young man's heart has ceased to beat. Hear the silence of that awful truth. It is the silence of death. It is the silence
that descends on us like a shroud.
At Trinity, as in Wyoming, we are men and women surrounded
by the silence of our own fear. Our fear of those who are different.
Our fear of being identified with the scapegoat. Our fear of taking
an unpopular position for the sake of those who can not stand alone.
Our fear of social and religious change. Our fear comes in many
forms but it always comes silently. A whispered joke. A glance to
look away from the truth. A quick shake of the head to deny any
complicity in the pain of others. These silent acts of our own fear of
homosexuality are acted out on this campus every day just as they
are acted out every day in Wyoming. Through silence, we give ourselves permission to practice what we pretend to abhor. With silence,
we condemn scores of our neighbors to live in the shadows of hate.
In silence, we observe the suffering of any group of people who
have been declared expendable by our society.
As a person of faith, I will listen, as we all will, to the many
voices which will eulogize Matthew Shepard. I will carry that part of
our national shame on my shoulders. But I will also listen to the
silence which speaks much more eloquently still to the truth behind
his death. I will listen and I will remember. And I will renew my
resolve never to allow this silence to have the last word. Not for
Matthew. Not for gay men or lesbian women. Not for any person in
our society of any color or condition who has been singled out for
persecution. Not in my church. Not in my nation. Not in Wyoming.
And not at Trinity College.

erg

JOURNAL: Loving Him to Death
By FRANK RICH

We know Matthew Shepard in death. Now there's at least a fleeting image of him in life. Distraught about the murder in Wyoming,
Tim Kirkman, a young gay film maker, spent frantic days searching
his files, convinced that Matthew was among the interviewees who
didn't make it into the final version of his documentary about Jesse
Helms, "Dear Jesse," which Cinemax is showing in its "Reel Life"
series in January. "I was sick of seeing this split-rail fence everywhere," said Mr. Kirkman this week, as he described his ultimately
successful effort to unearth his 1996 video of an unbrutalized Matthew.
Mr. Kirkman let me view the tape - which will now be used in
a new epilogue to his film and should air on a TV news magazine
soon. It's very brief. But it's easy to understand why the director
starts to cry when talking about it. Matthew, at the time studying
acting at Catawba College in Salisbury, N.C., is just another slight,
soft-spoken underclassman on campus, politely stopping to answer
a stranger's questions about Senator Helms and politics. But he's
standing beside another student, who identifies himself as Matthew's
boyfriend and hugs him as he does so. Matthew exudes an open
American sweetness too. Asked by Mr. Kirkman if he thinks Jesse
Helms's homophobia "represents what most of North Carolinians feel,"
Matthew answers instantly and generously: "No."
He is surely right. Most Americans, in North Carolina or Wyoming or anywhere else, don't hate gay people. The countless vigils
for this murdered student in nearly every corner of the nation, bringing
people of all ages, political parties, sexual orientations and religious affiliations together in genuine grief, speak for themselves.
But the fact remains that there are political organizations in this
country, led by moneyed, hard-nosed tacticians posing as theologians, that are recklessly dedicated to fomenting fear of gay people
to scare up angry voters in an election year like this one. Should you
call them on their game, they wrap themselves in the mantle of
"love" - they "love the sinner," you see - and attack their critics
as Christian-bashers.
When I wrote last week about the latest efforts of these groups
to stigmatize gay people, the response was true to form. Gary Bauer,
the aspiring Republican Presidential candidate from the Family Research Council, took to the pages of a weekly Focus on the Family
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VOLUME 12 • !$SUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

A Soulforce Response to
Matthew Shepard's Murder

newsletter to assail me for trying to "silence" Christians, and to vow
that he would continue his ''Truth in Love" campaign to convert
homosexuals to the path of heterosexual truth. He wrote a similar
Letter to The Times.
Dr. Mel White
So much for the spin. Go to the Family Research Council's Web
site and you will find "homosexual activity" described - Lovingly,
Before we decide how to respond to the murder of our young
no doubt - as "Lethal and immoral behavior" unworthy of civil gay brother, Matthew Shepard, Let's remember another cruel and tragic
rights protection. Or turn to the October issue of Focus on the Family's death suffered by a young Jewish teacher almost 2,000 years ago.
slick magazine, Citizen - these organizations have publishing em- Both young men were condemned by political and religious Leaders.
pires to rival Conde Nast - and its article proselytizing for the Both were humiliated by their peers. Both were brutally bashed then
"ex-gay" movement. It tells the story of a father, Glen Hysom, who tied to wooden stakes and Left alone in the cold to die. Both deaths
Learns that his son, Tim, is gay. Recalling his anger at this revela- Leave us stunned as we witness again the unthinkable power of evil
tion, Mr. Hysom is quoted as saying that he considered blowing his at work among us. Now, we are Left with a very difficult choice: how
brains out and blowing his son's brains out. He goes on: "But I knew do we respond to that evil?
that would hurt all of us, too. So, 'I'll just go blow that guy's brains
Matthew Left us no Last words to guide our response to his death,
out that got Tim into the homosexual Lifestyle. That'd solve it all: but the Last words of Jesus are painfully clear: "Father, forgive them
Well, then I'd go to prison . So I couldn't do any of those things."
for they know not what they do." Forgive them? Was he joking?
A "happy" ending immediately follows - Tim is said to have
Forgive Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for (allegedly)
been healed by an ex-gay ministry, his brain purportedly intact kidnapping, robbing, beating, cutting, burning, and generally terbut the subtext is clear. The only reason presented for not blowing rorizing our 21-year-old gay brother before Lashing him to a wooden
out the brains of "that guy" who allegedly enlisted Tim into homo- ranch fence and smashing in his skull with a .357 magnum handsexuality is that you'd "go to prison."
gun?
Want some more Love? The Rev. D. James Kennedy's Coral Ridge
Forgive Pat Robertson, Jim Dobson D. James Kennedy, Jerry
Ministries, another sponsor of the ex-gay campaign, is on record Falwell and the other media preachers and talkshow hosts whose
saying "Adult sex with children has been a crucial component of the false and inflammatory anti-homosexual rhetoric flows into Wyohomosexual movement all along." And then there's my mail of the ming polluting the conscience of their Listeners from Casper to
past week. "Here comes Rich galloping to the rescue of fags again," Laramie?
wrote one of my many Loving correspondents. ''This Matthew guy
Forgive Gary Bauer and the Family I Research Council for an had the devil beat out of him and now his soul is free for redemp- nouncing on the day of Matthew's death a new barrage of "ex-gay"
tion, if possible." I guess I should be grateful to this prayerful television commercials implying that homosexuality is a sickness
reader for showing me the Light.
that can be cured and a sin that should be forgiven? Or Fred Phelps
reprinted from the NY Times 10/24/98
for marching on Matthew's funeral waving a sign that reads "God
Hates Fags" or "Execute Homosexuals"?
"Father, forgive them," Jesus said, and we recoil from his words
in anger and disbelief. Why should we forgive those who killed (or
NEWSWEEK, October 26, "Discerning clergymen and moralists can
those who by their words and actions helped incite the killing) of
hate the sin and love the sinner, but by the time the homophobic
our gay brother, Matthew? Why should we forgive our enemies at any
message reaches the angry guys sitting in the bar, that distinctime or in any place?
tion has been lost."
It was the question Indians asked Gandhi in South Africa and
India. It was the question black Americans asked King in Montgomery and in Memphis. It is the question we have asked our heroes and

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CPA, MSA

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- 16 -

A.G. CLAYTON

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

sheroes through the ages. Why should we love (and thus forgive)
our enemies when it feels so much more reasonable to hate them?
Like Jesus, the Hindu lawyer and the Southern Baptist preacher
were determined to help end the cycle of hatred, violence and death
(and bring in the "beloved community") by demonstrating an active, militant, powerful kind of love. We could gain so much by
working even harder to understand and apply the Soulforce principles of Gandhi and King to our individual lives and to the life of
our liberation movement.
At the heart of Soulforce is the belief that we are all children of
a loving Creator. Those who killed Matthew (or who are complicit in
his death) are also God's children and thus our brothers and sisters,
estranged members of our own human family. Like Jesus, who blamed
his own death on the ignorance of those who killed him ("... they
know not what they do"), Gandhi and King saw their enemies as
"victims of misinformation" who could be liberated from their ignorance only by bringing them "truth in love relentlessly" even if it
means "absorbing the suffering without retaliation" that flows out
of their ignorance and fear.
However, absorbing the suffering does NOT mean refusing to
educate our brothers and sisters about avoiding danger or helping
them to defend themselves from harassment and physical violence.
And forgiving our adversaries does NOT mean remaining silent or
passive in the face of their misinformation campaigns against us.
To forgive Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for murdering Matthew Shepard does NOT mean they should not be held responsible
for their crimes. However, the Soulforce call to "relentless nonviolent resistance" also means we must not be satisfied with one-night
vigils or angry media sound bites. "Relentless" means packing that
Wyoming courtroom every day of the trial to remind the world that
the death of one of the least of these, God's gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgendered children, will never again go unnoticed or unmourned.
At the same time, we should not hate Russell or Aaron for they
and their families, too, are victims of the ignorance about homosexuality and homosexuals that currently clouds the conscience of
this nation. We must confront that ignorance where we live, work,
play and worship, as Gandhi and King advise us, "with truth in love
relentlessly." We are not being "relentless" when we watch the battle
from the safety of our closets, when we refuse to take a stand against
the daily "little" injustices we encounter, when we remain silent in
the face of bigotry and intolerance.

To forgive Pat Robertson, Jim Dobson, D. James Kennedy, or
Jerry Falwell does NOT mean we allow them to continue their endless flood of false and inflammatory rhetoric against homosexuals
without confronting and condemning it. But we must not respond,
in King's words, "with violence of heart, tongue, or fist." Hating
Pat, Jim or Jerry will only increase the cycle of violence. Angry
letters or massive, one-day protests will not stop the flood of dangerous and deadly misinformation. To save another generation of
Matthew Shepards from the tragic consequences of the anti-homosexual rhetoric we must circle the outposts of intolerance in Virginia
Beach, Lynchburg, Colorado Springs, and across America. We must
fast, pray, and negotiate, and if they won't meet with us to discuss
our case against them, we must take direct nonviolent action against
them with the determination of the "salt marchers" at the Indian
Ocean or the courage of the black children who faced police dogs
and water hoses in Birmingham.
Our little brother, Matthew Shepard, is dead and we are left to
decide how we will handle our anger, our grief, and our frustration.
We'll stand together in silence at moving candlelight vigils. We'll
march together to protest and memorialize his death. We'll denounce
the anti-gay-rhetoric and those who use it to make money and mobilize voters and volunteers. Then what?
Gandhi and King call us to take seriously the principles of
Soulforce, of relentless nonviolent resistance. But they warn us that
we cannot begin that journey until we learn to love (and forgive)
our enemies. I don't know exactly what that means for our community but I'm afraid that we cannot be a part of the long-term solution
until we learn to love and forgive sincerely. Gandhi and King promise that once that truth dawns in us, we will know what we must do
next and we will discover the power to do it. i
In the meantime, I believe that Matthew Shepard's spirit has
been welcomed home by his loving Creator; that Matthew's undeserved suffering is helping to change the minds and hearts of the
nation; that his death has advanced the cause of truth and understanding far more than we will ever know; and that our young gay
brother who stood just five feet, two inches tall and weighed barely
one hundred pounds now stands in the company of giants, men and
women who died refusing to hate their oppressors.
Now, we must decide how we will honor Matt's memory. If love
doesn't conquer our anger, grief, and frustration, if we refuse to
forgive, we can reverse the gains that Matthew's death has brought

The comfortable gathering place for friends and couples.

David Schulz & Jim Walker
212 Park Street, Bellaire, Michigan 49615
800-545-0780 • (616) 533-6077
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

•
(616} 941-8868
~a'{.{616) 941-9063
Hrs 9am-7pm Daily• Out of town phone 800-876-8868
1081 S. Airport Road West, Traverse City, Ml 49686 (Colonial Square)

- 17 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

us and dishonor his memory in the process. But if we work to outlove our enemies, if we take the moral high ground and work
relentlessly to confront the untruth and end the cycle of anger and
violence, the victory will be ours.
If you are interested in joining our growing network of Soulforce
Friends or receiving our complimentary Sou[force News, fax us at
(949) 455-0959 or email us at RevMel@.aol.com or
www.melwhite.org.
For information about Soulforce Videos or for all other information write to Mel and Gary at: Soulforce, Inc., P.O. Box 4467, Laguna
Beach, CA. 92652

Frankenstein's Father
The public knew James Whale as the director of the classic
horror films "Frankenstein". (1931) and "Bride of Frnakenstein"
(1935). In Hollywood, he was known as one of the first openly gay
men. "He made no attempt to hide it, but to categorize him a a 'gay
pioneer' would be a distortion," says Sir Ian McKellen, who stars as
Whale in "Gods and Monsters," due out this week. The film covers
the tormented last months of Whale's life, which ended in 1957
with a suicide by drowning. Brendan Fraser co-stars as the young
object of Whale's desire.
McKellen-like James Whale, an openly gay Englishman-tells
us: "The point he makes in the film is, nobody gives a damn what
people get up to as long as they don't get it in the papers. Directors
don't get into the papers like actors do."

Assistance for Service members
We are pleased to announce the arrival of HuddleStone On-

line. HuddleStone Online is a new web site designed to help gay,
lesbian and bisexual Servicemembers, Veterans and their love ones
who have been affected by the Department of Defense's "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" sexual orientation policy. Servicemembers,
Veterans and others who visit 'HuddleStone.Com have access to a
wide variety of information on topics such as legal assistance, financial affairs, transition matters, health concerns, employment/
career management, education and more.
I invite you to visit HuddleStone On-line and share the news
about the service with those around you. As it is against the military's
policy for gay, lesbian and bisexual Servicemembers to publicly disclose their sexuality, we would appreciate your help in getting news
about HuddleStone Online to those who can benefit from it.
HuddleStone On-line 1620 West Broadway Avenue, Suite 292,
Maryville, Tennessee 37801
PostMaster@H udd leStone. Com

NE'IWORKING 45° NORTH

Remarks As Prepared For
Delivery By Vice President Al
Gore
(Excerpts from the speech given on 9/19/98 at an HRC dinner.
Gore spoke much longer on the subject of discrimination
and his support of gay and lesbian people)

Let me say to all of you: I am proud to be here tonight. I want
to begin by congratulating HRC for your leadership - your tireless
commitment to equality and fairness - and your stunning success.
In 1996, HRC was active in nearly two hundred races across the
country - and 84 percent of your candidates won. Elizabeth - you
and I may have something to talk about a bit later on.
I come before you with a simple message: that the cause we
celebrate tonight is not some narrow, special interest. It is really
the cause that has defined this nation since its founding: to deepen
the meaning of fundamental fairness, to make real the promise of
our self-government, to build a good and just society on this bedrock principle: equal opportunity for all, special privileges for none.
If you believe in the basic dignity of every American - if you
live by our laws and live up to your responsibilities - then you can
share in the full promise of the greatest nation on this earth. And
that means all of you.
That is a purpose we did not fully understand when we counted
each slave as three-fifths of a person. Or when innocent and loyal
Japanese-Americans were imprisoned at the outset of World War II.
Or when gays and lesbians were effectively barred from holding jobs
in their own federal government. We've come a long way, America .
And when some, in recent months, have launched unprecedented
attacks on the very idea of fair treatment - trying to punish and
scapegoat people just because of their sexual orientation - I have
been amazed, and outraged. For this I believe with all my heart: if
we cannot conquer the forces of hatred and division that still exist
in our society, we can never redeem the American dream.
That is why President Clinton and I are so determined to appoint the best-qualified people to senior positions in our government
- whether or not they are gay or lesbian.
That is why we ended, by Executive Order, policies that discriminated against gays and lesbians in our civilian federal workforce.
And never forget this: we are one of the most successful administrations in history not in spite of that diversity - but because of it!

- 18 -

Helping You
Find Your Way
Home

• Renl
••• Eslall!
Ona.
INC.

REALTORS'

M'Lynn Hartwell
Hard Working Agent
511 East Front Street
Traverse City, Ml 49684

616/444-4148
office 616/947-9800

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Froperty of the Center

il~l ~~lil f

Univi)i1~11f/11J1i11/iiji
i1]~~111i~1rir·OK
M 001 111 479
And we want our country to push back the forces of hatred and
discrimination, as we have always done when we are at our best.
The story of America is the story of an ever-widening circle of human dignity and expanding opportunity.
And it is an outrage that today, in 1998, in 40 states of our
union, it is 100 percent legal to fire a hard-working employee just
because they are gay or lesbian. That is profoundly wrong. Everyone
deserves the basic freedom from discrimination.
So I say to Congress: let's give everyone who is willing to work
for it a fair and equal chance to succeed. Pass the Employment NonDiscrimination Act into law.

Brenda Bartz

Recently the Kingsley historian graciously gave me a poster representing six generations of my family. I quickly located a picture of a
handsome young man standing, beside a chair with a sober face ... as
were many of the photos in the 1930's. Another piece of the puzzle ...
a face to put with the story. A distant cousin black-balled by part of
my family because he was gay.
Twenty-five years ago the most important person in my world
died ... my great uncle Hank. My aunt Lucy and uncle Hank had no
children. So from a very early age my brothers and I had a special
relationship with both of them. My first memory is of feeding the
black angus cows with my uncle. I was two and my uncle would lift me
into the manger, the cows would pull the hay out from under me
causing me to tumble. They would lick me with their huge rough
tongues. I would hug their shaggy heads and they would bellow their
appreciation. I was the apple of my uncle's eye ... the feeling was
mutual. His love for me was bigger than anything I've ever known. An
anchor in my world. I was 20 when he died. I've missed him greatly. I
know there are many accomplishments in my life that he would be
proud of... but ... being lesbian is probably not one of them.
It was this wonderful, loving, giving person who black-balled his
relative from the family for being homosexual. "Joe" was cut from the
family inheritance. Uncle Hank did not want him to receive any of his
money ... a very clear statement. Twenty-three years later my aunt
Lucy was dying. "Please get a hold of ... she gave me the name of a
woman ... the name was not familiar to me. My aunt had willed her an
insurance policy issued to herself by the postal service. My Aunt had
not violated her husband's wish but chose to make a very clear statement. 'Tm sorry." There are pieces I don't know. Can lessons be learned
after death?
This summer, at the Michigan Womyns Music Festival, I had the
opportunity to experience Alice Walker. She read an excerpt from her
new book "The light of my Father's Smile." The dead father visits his
grownup daughter. He is given the chance to rethink many things. The
portion that Alice read was a very steamy love scene between the
daughter and her female lover. I'm not sure I would want to conjure
up a vision of my uncle in my bedroom ... but I would like to think
that he could learn life lessons from the otherside.. Perhaps Uncle
Hank is proud of me ... lesbian and all. After all, the power of love is
pretty amazing.
NElWORKING 45° NORTH

Creating Healthy Lives
Exploring the Diversity of lesbian Health
Brenda Bartz

This fall I attended the first regional Lesbian Health conference
at the University of Illinois at Chicago. This two day conference was
organized by activists, health care providers, community organizations and government officials from the midwest, the purpose was to
educate and inform health care providers and lesbians alike on the
specific needs of lesbians as health care consumers, while also addressing broader issues such as access to care and public policy.
Conference objectives included: Education of the lesbian/bisexual
women's community and health care providers on critical and current
issues, as well as barriers to care such as income homophobia, racism,
disability and ageism. To explore strategies for increasing health promotion behaviors. To cross cultural, intra-interstate alliances and
coalitions on lesbian, bisexual and transgendered health issues.
What was really exciting for me was to be surrounded by many
super intelligent Lesbians!!!! There were your straight women and gay
men sprinkled in there for sake of diversity.
One of the keynote speakers was Judy Bradford Phd., Judy has
served as a consultant of Office of Women's Health Research in the
National Institutes of Health. Judy has significant interest and substantial background in women's health research. She works with the
Mautner Project for Lesbians with cancer, as evaluation consultant on
a multi-year CDC-funded replication study. She is currently working on
establishing an international network of lesbian researchers. Judy's
main points were, "Who are we?" The need for definitions of Lesbian,
sexual orientation ect .. That we are currently one of the most understudied and underserved populations in the country. The need for
access to health care and understanding of health care providers, and
a national data base. I think we are getting underway!
Marj Plumb, the other keynote speaker, was a dynamo. Marj's
lecture "Are We Ready?" ... really pumped the attendees. The recommendations of the Institute of Medicine's report on minority exploration
is due to be published next month. Large amounts of money will be
available for anyone to research lesbians. Those of us with vested
interest need to be READY ... or we will have more weird studies like
the ear canal report ... written by a straight man who never knew a
Lesbian! Marj encouraged community based research.

7 PRINCIPLES of Community Based Research
I) EACH ONE TEACH ONE: We must understand methodology. Learn it
2} IF IT IS'NT HARD IT IS'T COMMUNITY BASED: We all bring privelege
and prejudices to the table. Its scarey but stay at the table.
3) VALUE THE QUESTION MORE THAN THE ANSWER
4) REMEMBER THE WIZARD (OZ) The funny man behind the curtain. No, should be the starting point of any discussion.
5) FIND THE HARDEST POPULATION FIRST
6) PRISONS AND OLIVIA CRUISES HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN
YOU THINK A study showed the only differences were race and
class. Women take care of their girlfriends :)
7) BUTCH IS MORE THAN A NICKNAME Gender is a very complicated
issue.
I learned a lot from my trip to the windy city. I came home with
enthusiasm and a heightened sense of pride. - Brenda Bartz BSN,OCN

- 19 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

JEi

~

STATE AND NATIONAL HOTLINES
Michigan Wellness Networks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 800-872-AIDS
Gay/Lesbian National Youth Hotline . .... .. . ...... .. . . ... . 800-347-TEEN
Triangle Hate Crime Reporting . ..... ... .. .. ... .. ... . ..... 888-442-9287

STATEvVIDE SERVICES
SOCIAL / POLITICAL / MEDIA
The Network: Lesbian and Gay Community Network of W. Michigan
909 Cherry St. S.E., Grand Rapids, Ml 49506 ... . ....... . . 616-458-3511
Lavender Morning ........... . ..... P.O. Box 50729, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005
616-685-6061
Kalamazoo Resource Center
P.O. Box 1532, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005 . .. . . . . .. . ..... .. .. 616-345-7878
Affirmations Lesbian/Gay Community Center
Suite 110, 195 W. Nine Mile Rd.
Ferndale, Ml 48220 . ........ ... ... .. .. .. ... . ... . .. .. . 810-398-7105
http://www.webspace.com/-tcc/affirmations~ndex.htme
Lansing Association of Human Rights
P.O. Box 18062, Lansing, Ml 48826 .. .. . . .. ... . ......... 517-332-3200
e-mail .... . ..... . . . . ...... .... ... . . . .. . .. . . .. lahr@macatawa.org
Lesbian Connection
P.O. Box 811, East Lansing, Ml 48826 ... . . .. . .. . . . ... .. 517-371 -5257
Triangle Foundation (Lesbian/Gay Foundation of Michigan)
19641 W. Seven Mile Rd., Detroit 48219 .. . . .... . . . .. ... . 313-537-3323
.. . . .. ...... . . . .. . ............ . .. .... . ... . ... Fax: 313-537-3379
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . trijeffrn@aol.com
Between The Lines (newspaper/monthly) ........ . .......... 888-615-7003
20793 Farmington Rd #25, Farmington, Ml 48336
e-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pridepblis@aol.com
The Third Coast (magazine/monthly)
POB 7296, Grand Rapids, Ml 49510 . .. .. . .. ... .. . ... . . . 616-248-9967
Michigan Pride, Inc. (Statewide Pride March organization)
P.O. Box 16191, Lansing, Ml 48901 .... . . . .. . ... . .. .. .. . 517-371-8466
email .... ... . . . ........ . . .. ... .. ...... . .. pride@michiganpride.org

NATIONAL SERVICE / SOCIAL/ POLITICAL
P-FLAG: Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
101214th St. NW, Ste. 700, Washington, DC 20005 . . ..... . 202-638-4200
GLAAD: Gay/Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
80 Varick St., #3E, New York, NY 10013 . . ........... . ... 212-807-1700
. .................. . .... .. ..... . .... . .. . ..... Fax: 212-807-1806
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . glaadnatl@aol.com
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force .. .. .. ... . .. ........ . . 202-332-648
2320 17th St., NW, Washington, DC 20009 ........ . .. Fax: 202-332-0207
Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund . . . . . . . . . . 21 2-809-8585 x 205
120 Wall St., NY, NY 10005 . . .. . ... . . ... .. . ....... Fax: 212-890-0055
ACW Lesbian/Gay Rights Project
1370 Mission St., San Francisco, CA 94130 . ..... .... .. . 415-621 -0674
HRC: Human Rights Campaign (National Coming Out Day)
101214th St. NS #607, Washington, DC 20005 ... . ...... . 202-628-4160
......... .. .......... .. .... . .... . .... .. ..... . Fax: 202-347-5323
email ..... . . . .. . .. ...... .. . .... . . ... . . ..... ... . www@hrcusa.org
Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, Pomical Action Commtttee
101214th St. NW #707, Washington, DC 20005 .. . . ....... 202-842-7679
GLSEN, Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network . . . . . ..... . . 212-727-0135
1 21 West 27 Street Suite 804, NY, NY 10001 ..... .. . Fax: 212-727-0-254

LOCAL SPIR ITUAL.
Rev. Geraldine Colvin
Unity Church, 3600 Five Mile, Traverse City . .. . .... . . . . .. 616-938-9587
Rev. Emmy Lou Belcher
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Grand Traverse
6726 Center Rd., Traverse City-Home: 938-9078 ..... . .. Office: 947-3117
Rev. Nancy Hayward, Circle of the Sacred Earth . . . . . . ....... 616-223-7999
Rev. Linda L. Wilson, Journey In Light Ministries . .. . .. . . .... 616-271 -2529
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Petoskey .... . ... .... . 616-347-8916
P.O. Box 873 Petoskey, Ml 49770

NETWORKING 45'' NORTH

...../

LOCAL COUNSELING:
Third Level Crisis Intervention, .. .... ... . .. ... .. ........ .. 616-922-4800
1022 E. Front St., TC, Ml 49686 . . . . .. . .. . . .. ... . . . . and 800-442-7315
Women's Resource Center .. . . . .. . . . .. . .. .... . . .... .. .. . 616-941-1210
Rodger Landvoy, PHD .. ... .. . .... . .. .. .. . .... .. . ... .. . 616-929-1711
Susan Breuer PHD (Frankfort/ Traverse City) . . ... .. . .. .. ... 616-352-4261
Margo Million, ACSW .. . . ... .. ... . . .. . . .. . . . ... . ...... . 616-947-0511
Joanna T. Lauber, MA, OTR, CHt . . . .. . . ..... . .. . . . ....... 616-947 8842
Barbara Jones Smith, PHD ... ..... .. ....... . ... . ........ 616-947-1444
Elizabeth Most, MSW, ACSW (Petoskey) ..... . ............. 616-439-0656
William D. Gould, MA (Gladwin) . ... . ...... . . . ....... .. ... 517-426-2351
David Rushlow, ACSW, Munson Medical Center . . ..... . . . . .. 616-935-6385
Bay Area Counseling (Petoskey/Harbor Springs)
Margalo Bley, MSW, ACSW ........... .. . . ............ 616-348-3616
Daniel C. Doran, PHD, CSW (Upper Peninsula) . ...... .. .. .. 906-635-9263
Amy Elena Cook, MSW, CSW . . ....... ... .. . ... . .. .. ... (616) 932-8699
CDRS (a free substance abuse referral agency)
808-A S. Garfield, Traverse City.: .. .. . .. . . .. 929-1315 or 800-686-0749

LOCAL SERVICE / SOCIAL / POLITICAL
Friends North (information line) ... . ... . ..... . . .. .. . . . .... 616-946-1804
Common Voices - F/N Rap Group . . .. ....... . ...... . .. .. Tom-275-6127
Windfire Gay & Lesbian Youth Support Group-Call Third Level for location & time ..... . .. 616-922-4800 or 800-442-7315
Side Traxx Nite Club, 520 Franklin St. off of 8th St. . . ... . . . . .. 616-935-1666
Traverse City Human Rights Commission, 400 Boardman .. .... 616-922-4700
Gay Alcoholics Anonymous, •
Grace Church, Washington at Boardman, TC ........ John 616-922-0746
.. . ............... . ......... . . . .. . ... . .... . .. . jdevans@gtii.com
. . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hilda 616-938-1294
P-FLAG, Traverse City, POB 1705, Acme, Ml 49610 ... . . Cindy 616-271 -5045
GLSEN (Gay/Lesbian/Straight Education Network)
PO Box 9, Traverse, Ml 49685 .... . .. . ... . . .. ... . .. . ... 616-943-5050
NOW (National Organization for Women) Gail Trill .... . ....... 616-938-1333

LOCAL HIV/AIDS HEALTH COUNSELING:
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks, GTA, Inc., .. . .. . . . .. .. . ... .. . 616-947-1110
P.O. Box 1632, Traverse City, Ml 49685 . ............... 1 -800-494-1160
Business Office . .. ........... .. . . . ... .. . ...... . ... .. 616-933-0279
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks - HIV Support Group and
FamilyandSignificantOtherSupportGroup . .. . . . . . . .. .. . 616-947-1110
Thomas Judd Care Center, 1211 W Front St., Traverse City,
Mary Dillinger, RN, Clinical Nurse Specialist ..... .. ... .. . . 616-935-8140
David Rushlow, ACSW Social Worker ... ... .. ........... 616-935-6385
H.A.N.D.S. (HIV/AIDS Support: Petoskey) . . .. .. ...... . .. . 1-800-248-6777
Community Health Clinic ......... . . . ......... . . .. . ... ... 616-929-4448
(anonymous counseling/testing; same-day results no fee)
Northern Michigan Planned Parenthood . .... . ........ .. . . .. 616-929-1844
(anonymous counseling & testing)
Grand Traverse County Health Department .. .. . . . ... . .. . . .. 616-922-4831
(anonymous HIV Testing Center)
Emmet County Health Department (Petoskey) . . .. .. ..... . .. . 616-347-6014
Also call the District Health Department in your area

Home of

PIZZAZZ
Pizzas & Pesto

14 7River Street

PO Box 237
Charles E. Egeler, President
David A. Egeler, Vice President

Elk Rapids, Ml 49629
616-264-8901

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99



Pror""rty of the C .nter
THE NEWSLEITER

or FRIENDS NoRrn, 1Nc., an association of lesbians, gays) bi-sexuals, transgendered and their friends.

R K I N G

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Two MEN SUFFER ANTI-GAY ATTACK ·
IN TRAVERSE CITY
One Perpetrator Escapes Charges

Friends North Web Site:
http://friends-north.base.org
or
http://members.tripod.com/FriendsNorth

Come Visit Us!

HELPLine!
Gay? Lesbian? Bisexual? Transgendered?
Have Questions? Need Help?

Call: 616/946-1804
or 800/579-8769
Confidentially answered anytime day or night
NETWORKING 45'' NORTH

On Friday, October 2nd, two men were verbally harassed and
physically attacked by two assailants shouting anti-gay epithets while
following them home from a bar in Downtown Traverse City.
In the early morning hours, Traverse City residents Doug Bradley and Frank Stewart were heading home from Union Street Station
and were followed by two other men who were chanting anti-gay
epithets at them. The assailants began tripping, pushing and beating Bradley and Stewart with a wooden stick. Bradley phoned 911
for help but received no assistance. As the men neared Bradley's
home, the assailants began punching and kicking them' which resulted in a bruised Stewart and a broken nose and other injuries for
Bradley. Alter a second call from Bradley, the police finally arrived
and brought him to the hospital.
"This attack is a pure example of anti-gay bigotry," said Sean Kosofsky,
Associate Director of Policy for the Triangle Foundation, a statewide civil
rights, advocacy and anti-violence organization for gay, lesbian. bisexual,
and transgender (glbt) residents of Michigan. "This man was targeted
purely because of his sexual orientation and far no other reason. He didn't
even know his assailants. It's an unfortunate reality that in 1998 gay,
lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are still so widely preyed upon.
These attacks are more common than people think.
Although Bradley, is gay, the other victim, Frank Stewart is heterosexual. This signals a growing trend across the country. Attacks
like those of Bradley and Stewart are similar to countless others
tracked by the Triangle Foundation. According to a report released
this past March by the Triangle Foundation and the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs; anti-glbt hate crimes increased by
12% in Michigan in 1997 and have been increasing for most of this
decade. One of the most significant increases in hate crimes occurred
against heterosexuals perceived to be gay or lesbian.
Local gay activist Jim Carruthers, echoed the community concern.
"As a resident ofTraverse City I think we need a stronger message from
our elected and civic leaders that hate crimes and discrimination against
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people is unacceptable."
The two perpetrators - James Johnson and Jeremy Jamrog
have been arrested and charged with agravated assault," while a
third perpetrator who allegedly watched the attack and provided the
get-a-way car, has not been charged with anything.
VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Richard Tuxbury

Friends North, Inc., P.O. Box 562, Traverse City, MI 49685-0562 (616)
946-1804 (This is a general information line answered by Third
l.evel.)To contact the organization directly, please call a board member.
FRIENDS NORTH is an organization of lesbians, gay men, bi-sexuals,
transgendered and their friends from northwestern lower Michigan.
Located in Traverse City, we provide social activities, a newsletter,
information line, workshops, a website and a scholarship fund for
financial assistance.
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF FRIENDS NORTH is composed of nine
women and men elected each December. Regular board meetings
are held at Grace Episcopal Church at the Corner of Washington &
Boardman the first Tuesday of every month (except August) at 6:30
p.m. Everyone is welcome to attend.Please call ahead to the president
if you have an item for the agenda
Brenda Bartz, VP - 616-946-2 708/bbartzstar@aol.com
Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294/trufalogal@aol.eom
Kirk Mallow, Pres. - 6l6-933-5250/Mallowki@norris.tcaps.kl2mi.us
Daniel Miller- 616-2 63-37 60/Milkrat@aol.com
Gretchen Sauvage- 616-943-9819
Tim Schmidt - 616-941-8987 /TCTimber@aol.com
Sue Schwartz, Treas. - 616-946-3032/tcfriend@aol.eom
Charles Westerfield - 616-922-0746/charles@batic.eom
NEWSLETTER COMMITTEE: Publication of Networking 45° North.
Editor: Richard Tuxbury: 616-271-3042
<tux00 l@aol.com>
Publishing & Layout: Richard Curtis: 616-929-9605
<rlc@traverse.com>
Advertising: Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294
trufalogal@aol.com
Mailing List:: John Evans: 616-922-0746
<jdevans@gtii.com>
Networking 45° North is the newsletter of Friends North, Inc.
Viewpoints expressed do not necessarily represent those of the board
or general membership.
.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING and notices are run without charge.
Please submit in writing or by calling the editor (and leave ad on
machine 2713042 or by email.)
DISPLAY ADVERTISING in Networking 45° North is available in
Business Card size - $25.00 per space per issue or an annual rate of
$100.00 for 5 issues. Inserts and larger sized ads are available. Please
call Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294/trufalogal@aoLcom
CONTRIBUTIONS to Networking are welcome. Letters, essays,
features, reflections, and original artwork should be sent "c/o Editor"
to above address. (Networking will not accept material that is sexist,
discriminatory or sexually explicit. Contributors are responsible for
obtaining permission from those whose names they submit for
publication.)
DEADLINES: #1 February 15, 1999
ADDRESS CHANGES: Please notify us in advance if a change is
coming. Call John Evans, 922-07 46, or e-mail changes to
jdevans@gtii.com.
SUBSCRIPTIONS/MEMBERSHIPS: $15.00/single; $25.00/couple.
Please send checks or money orders to: Friends North, P.O. Box 562,
Traverse City, MI 49685-0562.
DISTRIBUTION Networking is published 5 times per year. Copies
are sent bulk-mail in a plain envelope to approximately 700
households. Additional copies are available at select local
establishments.

from the editor
These last few months have been one of
the most visible periods of time in many years
for gays and lesbians in the US. The religious extremists have teamed up to run a
national ad campaign which promoted the
concept of conversion therapy ... in other words, they are saying that
gays and lesbians would be able to change with just a little help. The
ads, described by HRC as "a kinder, gentler homophobia," were run
in the NY Times, among other papers, and we have reproduced an
example of one of these elsewhere in this issue.
Matt Shepard's death came on the heels of these ads, and the
media and the public seemed to conclude that "enough is enough!"
Matt quickly became a symbol for all those whose murders and beatings went barely noticed. America found that discrimination was very
much alive - tolerated in many places, overlooked elsewhere, and
even encouraged in certain locations. The World looked on and more
than o~ce the word "hypocrites!" was aimed at the USA.
Nationally, it's been noted again that the gay vote has power,
and in an exit-poll survey almost 5% of the voters identified themselves as gay or lesbian. We are identified as a group which can
swing a close election.
Locally, gays and lesbians joined with many others to defeat
Michelle McManus, a challenger for Bart Stupak's seat for the US
Congress. In the last minutes of the campaign, McManus aired TV ads
which were aimed at Stupak's support of gays and lesbians. These
ads could not be ignored, as the candidate's photo was superimposed
over photos of gay men in romantic situations. I heard the ads (and
the candidate) called "disgusting," "mean and nasty," and even "sickening." Stupak called the ads a '30 second gay-bashing: And, the TC
Human Rights Commission was asked to look into the ad to see if
. they might require a response from the group - certainly a condemnation aimed at McManus appeared to be in order.
In Hawaii, the statewide referendum to change the definition of
marriage was passed, thereby excluding gays and lesbians from the
privilege and right of state-sanctioned marriage. In Alaska, another
referendum was passed which specified that marriage was between
members of the opposite sex, thereby eliminating the possibility of
same-sex couples asking for this right.
Good news came from Wisconsin where voters elected an open
lesbian, Tammy Baldwin, as their representative to Congress. In Washington State, Col. Margret Cammermeyer was defeated in her run for
Congress, while in San Diego, Christine Kehoe also lost in a close
race.
The newsletter is looking for contributions for 1999. If you have
a story to tell -even anonymously - please call me to discuss it or
send it on. We look forward to hearing from you this year.

printed on recycled paper
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Kirk Mallow

from the president
It's been quite a year! Back in December you, the members, elected me to the
board. Since then we've made some big
strides. Starting out with a limited budget
we managed to pull off some awesome eventsHigh Tea, Bike Tour, Pride Day, and the Autumn Hike, to name a few.
We've also made some important strides that we hope will push
Friends North into the twenty-first century.
Among the accomplishments of the board are the Friends North
Web site which went on-line in July and a revised set of by-laws
that, when passed by the members at the annual meeting in December will replace the outdated 1987 by-laws . Also, most importantly
I feel is the Board's unanimous decision to change our IRS tax status from a non-profit to 5O1-c3 corporation. This in itself, we feel
will open doors for the organization which have never been an option for us before. We Look forward to doing grant writing, soliciting
donations from corporations and individuals-all of which will be tax
deductible for the donors. It is the Board's intent and hope to tap
this resource and to use it to better serve the community of Northern Michigan.
I am urging everyone to attend the annual meeting, scheduled
for December 8. We will be discussing the By-Law changes and other
issues which could change Friends North forever. After all, YOU are
Friends North-the board is here to execute your wishes.
Thank You, Kirk

and direct first-timers. Rap sessions often include g/l/b/t topics
and videos, but more importantly include time for anyone who needs
to talk in a safe, comfortable environment.
In addition to rap sessions, Common Voices sponsors "Common
Nibbles" - the 4th Wednesday (4:00 pm monthly local restaurant
gathering. A different local dining establishment is chosen each
month. Common Nibbles is an excellent complement to our rap sessions, offering quality interaction (and quality food!). You don't
need to spend a lot of money, just come to the restaurant and ask
for the Common Voices group.
Common Voices regularly tries to sponsor additional activities
such as potlucks, hikes, video nights, etc., thanks to those who
want to keep the spirit of our group strong.
Common voices offers a free subscription to our monthly newsletter (which is also a reminder of our gatherings and special events).
Please phone Tom at the number listed below to receive your copy.
We need your name(s) and mailing address. · (Phone numbers are
appreciated but optional.) Our mailing list is confidential - no
names/addresses will be given out by anyone in Common Voices.
For any information about Common Voices/Rap Group/Common
Nibbles/CV newsletter/special events, phone Tom (275-6127).
Our December meeting is on December 9. On December 16 we
plan a joint potluck with PFLAG. This will also be at Grace Episcopal
Church, upstairs in the parish hall. Call for information.

friangles &Rainbows
A Northwestern Michigan College Student Group
"Triangles and Rainbows is a group of Lesbian, gay, straight, and
bisexual students at NMC who together believe that celebrating
diversity is fundamental to a healthy community and future."

Cornmon Voices, the Friends
North Rap Group
Common Voices, the Friends North Rap Group, extends a warm
welcome to everyone in our g/l/b/t community to attend all our
monthly events. Common Voices is an excellent resource for people
just entering our community.
Our Rap Group meetings are held the second Wednesday of each
month at 7:30 pm in the main floor church hall at Grace Episcopal
Church, 349 Washington St., Traverse City. Parking is available in
back and you can use the rear (north) entrance. Common Voices
people will be near the main church entrances until 7:30 to welcome

Our first event as a group was this fall, was participating in the
Grand Traverse Area AIDS Walk. In October, we celebrated National
Coming Out Day by hosting some campus events that were made
open to both students and faculty in order to help raise visibility.
Our most recent effort included sponsoring a play that was
performed solely by Chris J. Franklin in late October called, "The
Only Worse Thing You Could Have Told Me ... " by Dan Butler,
showcasing over a dozen gay characters and the conflicts that
haunt them.
Triangles & Rainbows continued next page

935 T 1666

Open 7 Days

(SlfflUIE TMRA.:.:)
222 E. Front Street
Traverse City, Ml 49684

Downtown
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Open 7 days

PH: 6 t 6-94(,-8528
Fax: 616-946-3553

T 520 Franklin T Traverse City, MI 49686 T
-3-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE4 • WINTER 1998/99

We are now preparing for a number of events. The first is the
coming of folk artist Coca Love Alcorn to NMC for an evening
performance Wednesday, November 1 8th. Coco, out of Canada,
has opened for female folk artist Ani Difranco, and is beginning to
make a name for herself in the folk industry. Doors will open at
8:00, with the performance starting at 8:30 opened by Erik
Milliron, NMC student and treasurer of Triangles and Rainbows,
then continue with two 30 minute sets by Coco.
We are also sponsoring a play on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and the 10th,
11th and 12th of December. The piece, "Days In the Life" features
a collection of short scenes and monologues from several pieces
showcasing young adults, their relationships and their experiences. A musical talent tentatively scheduled for a spring
performance is a two-girl band called Leavin' Dodge. They perform
covers of popular songs as well as their own work.

We are also planning to attend a gay youth leadership conference at
Eastern Michigan University in late March. The Queer Youth Summit is
in it's fourth year and pulls together schools from as far as Northern
Michigan University. The conference holds workshops to educate
queer youth on important issues facing them and the gay community.
e-mail address: tandrgroup-hotmail.com • Phone: {616) 922-1673
** WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT!**
**Please communicate with us on anything you think would be
helpful to us.** - Thank You.

~Outin
V +About

A Lesbian Coffeehouse

Unity Church
3600 Five Mile Road
Traverse City
Call 946-2708
for more information

Upcoming Events
December - No Coffeehouse - Happy Hanukkah/Merry Christmas
We are also thinking about planning a trip to Detroit to see a
WNBA game in the next year, so stay tuned.
Out 'n About Lesbian Coffeehouse is generally held on the
third Saturday of each month except for this year there are
few changes in dates. Please see related Out 'n About
Upcoming Events Calendar. No coffeehouses will be held for
1998 in April, July, August, or December. The Coffeehouse
comes alive between 7 :00 and 11 :00 pm at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Road, Traverse City. Smoke-free and Chemfree with a cover donation of $3-5 ($5-10 if we have
entertainment). Coffee, tea and snacks are free; soft drinks
are available.
The coffeehouse is managed by an informal gathering of
lesbians who call themselves the Steering Committee. Please
consider joining the Steering Committee so that your ideas
can be heard. The committee meets for a couple hours on
the Monday prior to the 3rd Saturday coffeehouse or Monday
prior to event, for planning of each month's event. For
coffeehouse information, or location of committee meeting,
call Brenda at 946-2708-leave message.

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

Sued for self-defense
This morning, I awoke to the sounds of childish delight and
childish disgust. Curious, I went to my front door to see the object
of the children's interest. There, on the sidewalk to my home, lay a
dead squirrel, obviously flattened by a car tire. Too far from the
street, it had to have been put there. I can only imagine by whom.
And if they think that they're only antagonizing me, what about the
impression it must have made on those children?
My name is Doug Bradley. Perhaps you've heard about me. On
October 2, 1998, as I was leaving Union Street Station. my friend
and I passed Dillinger's Pub where two men started following us,
and as we crossed State Street, they began yelling obscenities at us.
The closer we came to my home in Central neighborhood, the
more intense their onslaught became until, at one point, I asked
them why they were harassing us and they responded, "Because
we're going to kill you faggots!"
We naturally quickened our pace, but they caught up, for the
first time becoming physical, tripping, kicking, and hitting us. As
we came into my front yard, one of the assailants viciously hit my
friend in the back of the head and, unable to stand the blows or the
abuse any longer, I blindly struck out with a beer bottle from the
six-pack I was carrying, at the nearest attacker. The prosecuting
attorney said that I "escalated" the crime by retaliating in this manner, but I ask the prosecutor and you, what would you do in the
same situation'? Now I find out that, even though I was the victim,
I am being sued by one of my attackers for defending myself! Is this
justice?
I ran into my home and called 911. The assailants began throwing rocks from my rock garden at the front of my home, bashing in
my door. I ran back outside, clutching my cordless telephone, both
to check on my friend and to hopefully frighten the attackers away
by informing them that I'd called 911. One of them responded, "I
don't care who the f _
. you-you called, I'm going to kill you,
faggot!"
I dialed 911 again. Still holding the telephone, I was attacked
from behind; being choked until I almost lost consciousness and
pummeled with fists until I fell to the ground. One of them picked
. up a rocking chair rocker from an old chair in my yard and savagely
beat me about my head, shoulders, and back, resulting in a broken
nose, loose teeth, abrasions, cuts, bruises, and swollen lips. I distinctly remember a third person standing there, coldly observing as
I was beaten, then giving his friends a ride away from the crime
scene, yet he was never charged with anything ...
I would like to say that Sgt. Joe McCarthy was, by far, the most
efficient, caring, and sympathetic police officer I have ever encountered in Traverse City. I honestly believe that he did his job to the
best of his ability.
Now, whatever happens is up to the court system, but I firmly
believe that it's high time the residents ofTraverse City wake up and
realize that it is no longer the wonderfully quaint All-American
storybook town that my ancestors hailed from and I've loved all my
life, but a city of thinly-veiled hatred.
M. Douolas J. Bradley

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/ 99

fro

t eco

ity

Coming out:
an act of courage and love
(Previously published on National Coming Out Day in the TC Record Eagle)
By Matt McCormick

As a four year old I remember clearly the day I pointed to a
picture of a pop music teen idol in a magazine and announced to my
mother, "I think he's cute."
Her reaction was clearly one of shock and disappointment: "Boys
do not say things like that about other boys!," she said sternly. Her
surprise was my surprise because to me this seemed as natural as
anything I might imagine.
When I hear someone claim that one's sexual orientation is
chosen I can't help but wonder when that person made their own
conscious "choice" themselves. I believe that if these people were
truly honest with themselves they would realize that of course they
did not choose their sexual orientation and that such a notion is not
only absurd but also insulting to those struggling with the idea that
they might be homosexual.
For the most part homosexuality can be discussed openly and
honestly today without anywhere near the degree of shame or taboo
that was once associated with the topic as little as five or ten years
ago. A little visibility goes a long, long way, and isn't it amazing
what we've learned as a result? Gays and lesbians are in all walks of
life and in all professions. They lead normal lives, own homes, raise
children, attend PTA meetings, go to church, run for public office<let's
face it, they're pretty boring! Many hateful stereotypes still exist
out there and they are all too frequently used but they are being
destroyed every day through real life examples.
True progress towards understanding our differences happens
only when fears and prejudices are confronted through dialogue,
discussion, and visibility. The people who have th_e most positive
attitudes about homosexuals are those who say they know one or
more gay person well.
I've found often that the voice of opposition to accepting homosexuality as a naturally occurring element of human nature comes
most from people are not homosexuals. They speak from hearsay; I
speak from personal experience. Homosexuality is not a choice. The

only choice that comes in all of this is the choice of deciding how
you'll live your life. I was "7 before I gained enough courage and
self-respect to come out of the closet and embrace my true identity
free from the shame and self-loathing that I was brought up to feel.
If someone comes out to you you should be flattered. By such
an honest and personal admission that person is saying to you, "I
care so much about you and our relationship that I am willing to
risk possible alienation and rejection by you so that you will know
me for who I truly am. Until now I have been living a lie and hiding
my real self from you but you are too important to me to continue
lying." When you stop to consider the message it's quite a remarkable gift to receive. If our purpose here is to treat others in the
same manner as we would wish to be treated then I believe the
answer of how to react in this situation seems self-evident.
When it comes to the liberation associated with coming out
perhaps Elizabeth Birch, Executive Director of the Human Rights
Campaign, states it best: "Let me assure you that while being an
openly lesbian, gay, or bisexual person in this society isn't easy, it
is so much more gratifying than being in the closet. Lying and hiding, worrying that someone will discover your secret, consumes a
lot of personal energy and detracts from the quality of a person's
life. No one should be denied the opportunity to thrive and flourish
as a full human being because his or her sexual orientation is different from that of the majority."
Sunday, October" is the 10th anniversary of National Coming
Out Day. This day commemorates the historic '987 March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights. With hundreds of events in all 50
states NCOD increases visibility and awareness about equal rights
for lesbian, gay and bisexual people.
(Below is the bio I WANTED to use but the
Record-Eagle made me re-write it!)

Traverse City resident, Matt McCormick, did not choose his sexual
orientation. He did, however, choose to marry his partner of seven
years in 1996.

It's That Time of Year Again ...
Alan Williams

Ronald D. Jones

])cut,'{ StuJic

;4,t qallt,'{

Fired
121 E. Nelson Street
Cadillac, Ml 49601

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Earth
(616) 775-0888
FiredErth@aol.com

Winter is icummen in, Lhude sing Goddamm, Raineth drop and
staineth slop, And how the wind doth ramm! Sing: Goddamm. Ezra
Pound, "Ancient Music" It's November 2 as I sit here at the keyboard. Mother Nature thumbs her nose at us with a chilly reminder
that, although we got a break in October, winter is making its frigid
and snowy way down from the north to grace our beautiful countryside with a blanket of white. Well, at least some of us are hoping for
the blanket of white, anyway. We can bid a six-month farewell to
swimming, boating, cute men and women (a.k.a. "eye candy"), sunburns, mosquitoes, and tourist-fed traffic jams, and say hello to
curling up in front of a warm fire, shoveling snow, skidding on ice,
(It's That Time continued next page)

-5-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(It's That Time continued from previous page)

you see another show about hand-made Christmas ornaments.
shoveling snow, skiing, snowboarding, and lest I forget, shoveling
Get yourself a pen and a piece of paper, and write a letter to
snow. Oh, did I mention there was snow to be shoveled?
someone
you haven't heard from in a while. (That's right, I said
For all those people getting ready to trade in the summer ahhs
"pen and paper." Anyone can sit down at a typewriter or a
for the winter blahs, it's the time of year to steel yourself for the
computer and crank out a mini-epic to send off to someone, but
inevitable. Yes, folks, don't kid yourselves; you knew this season
for that really personal touch, try writing that letter by hand.
was coming. Don't let this winter get you down, though! Here are
You may find yourself choosing words with greater care when
a few survival tips for the newcomer to northern Michigan winters:
you run the risk of a hand cramp after a couple of pages.) Try
1. Extra pounds can be a good thing. Instead of worrying about
your hand at any kind of writing you fancy-journals, letters,
your waistline all winter and wondering how you're going to
poetry, prose, non-fiction. Put some quiet music on, then, and
slog through Blizzard #1,487 of the season to get to that gym,
get to work. The time will pass more quickly. You may even
follow the course of nature and let those extra pounds sit there
find that you've written something to submit to Networking
for a while. (Hey, boys, did you ever notice that the "big fat
queen" you've been putting down all summer doesn't have to
(hint, hint).
waste half his energy shivering in the winter?)
7. Winter is a fantastic time to go shopping. "Going shopping"
2. Winter is a great excuse to get in extra snuggling time. It's
doesn't mean spending next year's salary in a mad rush. Window shopping is often just as fun. (One of the things I love to
especially handy for all those guys who like the "bear" crowd.
Who needs a soft, fuzzy blanket when a soft, fuzzy man is availdo is to go window shopping with a friend or group of friends
able? Men and women alike can use the classic "It's too cold
and make a day of it, complete with lunch and sometimes even
and snowy to go anywhere tonight" line to bring themselves a
a matinee show at the cinema.) Going shopping often either
satisfies your need for human contact or reminds you why you've
little closer to their mates. Ah, bonding ....
3. Winter does not mean the death of fashion. For all those who
been staying home alone in the first place.
believe that winter is the season of drab plaid flannel, rememWhatever you choose to do, I hope you'll add "attending Friends
ber that layers of clothing are the best way to keep warm, and North" events to your list. They're a great way to meet new people
if you coordinate them right, the best way to show off half a and relieve some of the doldrums the winter can bring with it.
new wardrobe at once. Forget the oversized mega-coats from
hell; get yourself a sharp-looking turtleneck and wear something really bright on top of it. Unless, of course, you're like
me and you have enough padding to make layers a non-essenGay brothers and lesbian sisters
tial.
Chris Convissor
4. Get plenty of light in the winter. Did you think the Holiday
It's awfully difficult to write with a cat in your lap. Oops I just
Blues were just a psychological thing? Not necessarily. Some
people have a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder, where fell into a stereotype didn't I? A lesbian with a cat ... whatta shock.
the reduced daylight hours of the winter months can actually But it's true ... he keeps pawing at my hand and trying to take it
induce depression. If you're one of the people who suffers from away from the keyboard and bring it to him. Pet Me!!!
The thing about words is you think you know what they mean
this condition and you have a lot of money, you can always go
until
you investigate. Stereotype's first definition is (in the Britanicca
south of the equator for the winter, since it's summer down
Dictionary):"
A plate taken in type metal from a matrix, as of paper,
there. If you aren't, then talk to your doctor about solutions.
There are special lights called full-spectrum lights that are a reproducing the surface from which the matrix was made."
Hmm.
bigger help than just sitting closer to that old incandescent
You
have to read all the way down to the fourth definition to
bulb you've got hanging in the laundry room.
get
"
A
conventional
or hackneyed expression, custom, or mode of
5. Try winter sports. Okay, if you simply must go out and expend
thought."
loads of energy in your personal Battle of the Bulge, and if you
Hackneyed. Well, I thought I knew what stereotyped meant.
simply can't stand the idea of exercising indoors (where there's
Plod
over and get the other half of the dictionary down. ( I
less chance for you to get to know hypothermia on an intimate
basis), and if you've never tried hopping on a pair of skis or know I can use the computer's dictionary, but what dictionary is
strapping snowshoes to your boots, give it a shot. By all means, that?)
Hackneyed:" Worn out by frequent use; trite."
bundle up, though; it wouldn't do to head to SideTraxx afterThe
thing about stereotypes is I hate falling into them. As in
wards and spend half your time there trying to get your eyelashes
Lesbian:"
Butch, mechanic, truck driver, hates men .... " well you get
to thaw.
the
picture.
And occassionally that has happened in my life Only I
6. Winter is a great time to polish your writing skills. Maybe
you've already tried the winter sports gig and it didn't work for know there is this other side of me that would just thrill my mother:
you, or you're getting bored sitting around the house alone and I like doing laundry. My voice has gotten quite high on occassion. I
it's too early to go out to the bar. Or maybe you're snowed in cry at Christmas commercials, or as the older generation often says:
and you're ready to throw the television set out the window if

Stereotypes:

(Stereotypes continued next page)

NE'JWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

(Stereotypes continued from previous page)

Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. Arrggh! I did it again.
Another damn stereotype! I resist being a butch, but Let's face it
not many women have a very strong upper body and make a Living
with it. Those of us that do havea strong upper body and make a
Living with it generally Live with women. Don't know why. It's a
damn stereotype.
So if I'm just a plate taken from type metal reproducing the
surface I came from does that mean there's an iota of truth in some
stereotypes?
Stereotypes are worn, hackneyed expressions, overused to the
point of being trite. I think the truth is somewhere in between. I
think observations are made without understanding and from these
observations stereotypes are born .. so there are some truths in
there.. but not truths from a point of understanding. So, are they
still stereotypes if you understand where it's coming from? I dunno.
ALL I know is I hate falling into them but then I have to recognize when it can get confusing.
Whenever anyone asks me what the differences are between
men and women the first image that comes to mind is when we
were camping in Saugatuck and woke up to men having breakfasts
with candleabra's and souffles, and all the women with their heads
bent under the open hoods of cars.
The second image that comes to mind is when we stopped behind a disabled vehicle Leaving the Michigan Womyns Fest one year.
Just as we reached the car a man pulled up from a nearby garage. He
poured gasoline down the carburetor and was attempting to start
the car when flames shot our the carb and caught on some extra gas
that spilled on the engine. As he jumped out and stared at it for a
minute one of the women whipped off her flannell shirt (and since
we'd just left the festival she was au natural)and put out the blaze.
After another pregnant pause the guy spoke,"Guess I shoulda
done that, huh?"
One year we were looking at old family 8 mm movies of Christmases past. Among the six kids playing, my older brother had a
baby Hoover with its own Light. He also proudly mugged for the
camera while ironing on his very own ironing board. With his beaming face he was the pride of the household; of course not to be
upstaged, I ran by him and towards the camera with my 6 shot
indigo flourescent rubber tipped space gun, exulatantly dressed in
my new cowboy boots and hat. At this point in our Little cinemania

::-'

-·:;:

we just had to turn to Mom and ask, " How could you not have
known?"
Recently my older brother told me that at the request of several
Lesbians, he and a few other gay male friends were asked to spend
time with the Lesbians sons. Lesbians tend to have sons because so
many use artifical insemination and for some reason being AI'd tends
to throw male children. In any case, there were forty or so boys that
needed male role models in Kalamazoo. I had to ask," Why? So they
can Learn how to cook and sew?"
A neighbor Living next to my Mom needed help with his car. My
older brother and I offered to help Mr. B. We drove to Farm and Fleet
for the oil and filter. As I Looked up the parts he paced impatiently
saying, "I don't know why you're doing this .. we could take it to one
of those quickie places. Now I'LL have to find some way to dispose of
the oil." Geez, you'd think it was nuclear acid.
"Just shutup." I growled,"This is the way I nurture."
As we approached the cashier, she Looked at the quarts of oil
and the filter I had placed on the belt and then looked at my brother
and quipped," Oh she's got your work cut out for you."
Yea, right, I'm thinking.
I turn and see my brother Jim doing this butch Nathan Lane
thing Like ,"Yeah ... ! guess so."
What is up with that?
That was just the beginning. We had to find the particular polish I was looking for at an auto parts place. Jim followed me around
the corners of the store like a puppy lost in a maze. The standard
three or four guys with nothing better to do on a Sunday than hang
out at the parts counter ( okay! It's a stereotype, but I swear it's
true!!!)and see what turns up, eyed us speculatively. Finally the
counter guy approached and asked Jim, not looking at me,what we
were looking for.
"Do you have any 3M fine grit, polishing compound. Liquid, not
paste?" I ask. Still not Looking at me, the guy shows Jim where the
polish is.
"Perfect!" I reply, placing it on the counter. The human fixtures
holding up the counter elbow Jim knowingly saying,"Eh! The Little
lady's got your day planned, huh?" As if absorbing the concentrated
straight testosterone Jim does that neanderthal man thing
again,"Yup! The Little Lady's got me working!!!" and when we get
out to the car I whap him on the arm.

R

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(Stereotypes continued from previous page)

"What's up with that? Did you want me to tell them you had
your Hoover all polished and ready to go?"
"Ow!" Jim replies, rubbing the place where I hope a bruise turns
up in a day or two."I dunno. What was I supposed to say?"
"Don't be doing that straight man thing!Sheesh! It gives me
the creeps."
To his credit my brother did redeem himself. He was on the golf
course with 3 other gay guys, none of whom knew each other very
well. As the conversation progressed it turned out they all had lesbian sisters. Casually, one of the guys mentioned his sister was a
star basketball player when she attended college. One of the other
guys mentioned his sister had played varsity softball, the other guy's
sister had been a rugby player. Jim piped up and said,"Chris was the
only female in her college wrestling class."
At the next hole, one of the guys said his sister worked for UPS.
"Mine delivers auto parts."
"Mine drives a service van for AT&T."
Jim proudly announced I operated a bulldozer.
Afew holes later Jim asked what kind of vehicles the sisters all
drove: one had a Toyota, one had a Subaru, one had a 4 wheel drive
vehicle. Jim fudged and said I owned a semi, a Peterbilt, to be
exact.
At the last hole one of the players announced his sister had just
finished painting their Mom's entire house. Another said his sister
had reroofed their Mom's house. The third guy said his sister had
trimmed trees for their Mom. They looked at Jim expectantly and
from his par 3 putt he answered,"My sister rented a backhoe and put
in new drain tiling all the way around Mom's house."
Well you can see where all this one upmanship went.
I suppose the biggest surprise about gay men and lesbian women
came for me one day when I walked into a bar after a long day at the
utility company. The water hole had been deeper than usual and
muckier than usual and the backhoe operator ( not me this time)
had snagged the gas. There I stood in mud up to my ass waiting two
hours while the consumer power guys came from another job. The
two repair guys for the gas company were friendlier than usual and
made quick work of the repair. Nevertheless we had to work late and
I was dog-tired. So when I arrived at the local gay hangout for a
beer, lo and behold were my two gas boys. Two gas, gay boys.
They grinned like we were old buddies and low fived me and
said,"We kind of figured .. "
"Well, I didn't." I confessed."You totally blew past my gaydar."
"You had your mind on other things." one of them remarked,
motioning me to sit and have a beer with them. The other one
looked me over, eyeing the same blue clay he wore on his work
jeans."Dontchya just hate the way this adds five extra pounds to our
figures?" he asked me.
Maybe the thing with stereotypes is they're a lot like words: You
can think you know what they mean until you investigate.

local e s
Notes from the Theatre Stage
by Charles Westerfield

The Only Thing Worse You Could Have Told Me came to NMC's
theatre stage in October. Directed and performed by Chris Franklin,
it is a series of fourteen monologues written and originally performed by Dan Butler. Butler is noted to be the one of the only out
gay actors who has gained national attention. Readers might recognize Butler from his role on the popular show Frasier as the disc
jockey/radio talk show host, Bulldog. The Only Thing Worse ... is a
collection of monologues of characters that deal with various issues
that many of us can relate to such as coming out, building an intimate relationship with that "special person", confronting homophobia
and losing best friends to AIDS. The title comes from a monologue
of a son reflecting on his broken relationship, which is finally on the
mend, with his father.
The performance, approximately an hour and a half long, is filled
with scenes that make the audience laugh at the every day reality of
being gay/lesbian at the same time as offering us an opportunity to
reflect on that which is important in our lives - our friendships with
one another and our loved ones. The monologue that Chris describes
as his favorite is the last one of the performance. In this monologue, we meet Leslie. Leslie is a volunteer who takes meals to persons
with AIDS. In the course of his volunteering, he meets a gentleman
named JB. The audience is privileged to observe the transformation
that Leslie undergoes during his time with JB. Leslie starts out very
skeptical about the situation he finds himself in, but by the end of
the monologue, we see how Leslie has formed a very special relationship with JB. In fact, Leslie recognizes that he has fallen, at
least on some level, in love with JB. He recognizes that JB has come
to be held in a very special place in his heart. And when JB passes
away, Leslie realizes thatJB has taught him many important lessons
that he can use later in life.
Chris comes to NMC from the Ann Arbor area. He is studying
theatre and communications and "The Only Thing Worse" ... was Chris'
NMC directorial debut. However, Chris is no stranger to the stage.
Performing and acting since early high school, Chris has been featured in and directed many different productions throughout high
school and professionally on tour. Before coming to NMC, Chris toured
17 states for four months performing with a national troupe of actors who share his passion for the performing arts.
Chris was originally approached last fall by Jill Beauchamp, NMC's
director of theatre, to direct the mainstage production for Fall, 1998.
Chris used The Only Thing Worse ... as a learning experience for not
only himself but also for the students that he would be directing in
Days in the Life. The first production not only gave Chris some more
valuable stage experience, but it also provided an opportunity to
the students he would directing in Days an opportunity to see the
results of his directorial vision and practice since The Only Thing

(Notes- continued on next page)
NElWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Pmaerty

pf the Ce,..r,;.,;.toli,\,r_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

Worse... only features one actor and Chris filled that role as well.
The Only Thing Worse ... served not only practical purposes for Chris.
It was also an experience of personal growth and gratitude. Chris is
very mindful that the theatre community was the first to embrace
him fully. He saw his direction, production and performance of The
Only Thing Worse ... as a love letter back to the theatre community
as a very personal thank you.
Chris is not finished with his directing experiences this semester yet either. He is busy directing a group of NMC students in a
production that will take the stage in early December entitled Days
In the Life. Days ... is an original collection of short scenes and
monologues arranged by Chris that will highlight young adults and
their experiences in building interpersonal relationships.
Chris is very excited about "Days in the Life" because not only
is it material that the younger NMC theatre students can relate to
since it focuses on young adults. Most of the pieces are from the
Young Playwrights of the Walden Theatre Conservatory in Kentucky.
Most of these playwrights are in their teens. He hopes that the
parents of the many students come to the performance to see another perspective that they might have forgotten about, that is,
what it's like to be young and building interpersonal relationships.
Also included in this production are two pieces by David Ives entitled "Sure Thing" and "English Made Simple", both of which also
focus on the experiences of young adults. He picked thts theme to
follow because he feels that is an easy theme for theatre students to
portray since it is close to their real lives.
Outside of the theatre, Chris also serves as the Vice President to
Triangles and Rainbows, NMC's gay and lesbian student group. Also,
as a new journey, He is serving as a resident assistant in one of
NMC's residence halls (also known as "dorms", but don't call them
that around people involved with residence life!) Chris hopes to
continue acting and performing a very long time. However, he also
hopes to focus on the preservation of human rights, especially for
young adults. Chris is a vocal advocate of human rights. He feels
very strongly that his roles as an activist and performing artist can
complement each other many different ways. He is particularly focused on how important it is that roles models are for our youth. He
doesn't feel that there are enough of them. He greatly values the
support that he received from the theatre community as he continues on his life long journey of coming out. He feels that he is called
to offer a hand to those who come after him, just as those who
came before him gave their him their support. While he doesn't
believe in the practice of outing anyone, he does firmly believe that
closeted gay actors have much more to gain by coming out than by
staying in the closet. Chris is in his second year at NMC. Because he
was just named a new resident assistant, he plans on staying at NMC
for a third year. He is looking forward to continuing his studies both
at NMC and beyond.
Days in the Life is coming to the stage December 3,4,5 and
10, 11, and 12th. It will take place in the theatre in the Science and
Math Building, Room 217. Cost is only $3 for students and $5 for
community members.

Club Flamingo: A Tribute
T. Neil Hilton

Recently, the deluge of anti-gay speech, actions and symbolic
gestures has increased to an extent unseen in recent memory. This
is made all the worse when one considers the great strides our community has made over the past twenty years. The gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender movement is haltingly making progress.
We have achieved much - yet have even greater challenges ahead.
Within the space of a few weeks a powerful leader of our country disparaged us horribly, a young gay man was crucified, religious
fanatics have denied being accomplices to murder, hate mongers
have called for the execution of all gay people and common sense
has been swept under the rug.
This is all the more demoralizing when one observes our
community's internal devisiveness. Such as when one of our most
respected national organizations endorses the election to high public office of a member of the opposing team.
This was my state of mind early this evening.
Then, tonight, as with almost every Thursday for the past seven
years, I went to a bar in Pontiac with several of my good friends.
The bar is called Club Flamingo and it's proprietor is Reginald Doyon
(Reggie).
The Club Flamingo has been a bar in Pontiac for over thirty
years. Up until eight years ago it's clientel was the workers of
Pontiac's automobile factories. In 1990, Reggie purchased the bar
with his retirement money. Initially, he ran it as he bought it, as a
"straight" bar.
In his second year of ownership, Reggie had accummulated
enough money to take a chance at serving the glbt community in an
establishment far removed from most of gay Detroit. When I first
went to Reggie's, the bar was in horrible shape, it was in a very bad
section of town and we couldn't believe that anyone could think
that a gay bar would be successful under such circumstances.
Since that time, Reggie has reinvested all of his money back
into the bar. Slowly and patiently, he tore out walls, improved the
parking lot, put in landscaping and bought the vacant houses that
surrounded his business. He didn't tear down those houses, he
remodled them and opened them up to glbt people that needed a
place to rent.
(Club Flamingo continued on page 12)

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Phone 616/946-5540 • Fax 616/946-0258

1301 S. Garfield Road • Traverse City, MI 49686
Toll Free 800/678-6968 • www.traversemotors.com

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

-9-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

IcC I L ~ § s

TI JF TI IE ] [ )) s

All classified announcements are run without charge. Please email
them to <tux00l@aol.com>,submit them in writing to Friends North,
or call 616-271-3042 and leave the advertisement on the answering
machine - along with a contact phone number.

PERSONALS:
ME: Large, rugged, educated, somewhat cultured, nurturing, ex-soldier

and sometimes-activist. Mid 30's; HiV-neg; . Avid gardener, motorcyclist
and new to area. YOU: colledge educated preferred but not req'd.,
adventuresome, independent. Not Too: Fat, thin, drunk, etc., or otherwise
unbalanced . HiV-neg gay male. US: Let's see what amazing things we can
pull off together. Write to Bob Buck, 7 Bowerman Rd., Manistee, MI 49660
(issue 1)
21 year old crossdresser who wants to be transgendered. Outgoing; enjoys
long walks, biking, movies. Looking for a roommate and long term
relationship. Write to 1627 Woodward Avenue, Traverse City, MI 49684 947-1330 (issue 4)

HOUSING:
Room for rent in brand new home: 10 minutes from town. Large bedroom

with double closet, bathroom with large garden tub and skylight. Kitchen
and laundry privileges. Looking for clean, professional, responsible,
nonsmoker. $300/mo. includes all utilities except L.D. phone. Call Kirk,
days@ 935-1888, evenings@ 943-7879 or e-mail to: DESIGNS5@aol.com.
(issue4)

ONGOING ANNOUNCEMENTS
QUESTIONS ABOUT HIV AND AIDS? Call locally 24 hours a day to 947-1110.

This program is sponsored by the HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks Grand Traverse
Area and is staffed by Third Level Crisis Center volunteers. (Issue 5)
REPORT HATE CRIMES!! Call The Triangle Foundation at 1-888-442-9287.
(ongoing)
GRAND TRAVERSE COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT: Their Reproductive
Health Clinic is open to women and men of all ages. Confidential services
provided are physical exams, HIV counseling and testing, pregnancy
testing, sexual transmitted disease testing and treatment, all methods of
birth control available, FREE Norplants, Depo-Provera, IUDs, and Condoms.
For more info about these and other methods which are charged on a sliding
fee scale, call 922-4630. Services are by appointment only. (issue 1)

GROUPS:
FRIENDS NORTH MEETINGS: The Friends North Board meets on the first

Tuesday of each month (Except August) at 6:30 p.m. at Grace Episcopal
Church, corner of Washington and Boardman Streets, across from the Old
Courthouse. ALL ARE WELCOME (ongoing)
FRIENDS NORTH TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE: This support group includes
crossdressers, tanssexuals, transgendered and those somewhere in
between. Meetings are held monthly at Third Level in Traverse City.
Spouses, friends, and S/O's are also invited to attendin this smoke/alcohol
free environment. Call 616-946-1804 for more information. (ongoing)
COMMON VOICES-THE FRIENDS NORTH RAP GROUP is a group of men and
women who get together monthly for informal discussion, often on a
particular topic. Please join us on the 2nd Wednesday of every month at
Grace Episcopal Church, 349 Washington, T.C., at 7:30pm. For information,
call Tom at 275-6127. (ongoing)
GLSEN, the Gay-Lesbian-Straight Education Network, is meeting monthly
in Traverse City. They welcome all interested educators. For more
information, call M'Lynn at 943-5050. (ongoing)

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

I

P-FLAG: (Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays.) This is a
network of parents, friends, and families of lesbians and gays who meet
monthly to offer information, support, and a place to talk with others about
the issues concerning them. Gays and Lesbians are also welcome and
encouraged to attend P-FLAG meetings. Meet at Grace Episcopal Church
every third Wednesday of the month, at 7:30 pm. For more information call
Patrice Stewart at 933-6628( ongoing)
WINDFIRE: This is a local youth support group for teens and others under
the age of 25, which meets on a weekly basis in an atmosphere that is
comfortable and friendly. Please contact Third Level at 922-4800 or 1-800442-7315 for location, date and time. (ongoing)
OUT 'N ABOUT is a lesbian coffeehouse featuring entertainment as well
as a chance to meet others from the area. It all happens at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Rd. in T.C. Please see the Out 'n About calendar elsewhere in
this newsletter for times and specific activities. (ongoing)
TRIANGLES AND RAINBOWS: Agroup of lesbian, gay, straight and bisexual
students at NMC who together believe that celebrating diversity is
fundamental to a healthy community and future. To help or participate
contact T&R at 922-1512 or email at <t_and_r_group@hotmail.com>
(ongoing)
TRAVERSE CITY FRONTRUNNERS If you are interested in running, call
Jim or Kirk at 933-5250 and leave your name, number, and that you are
interested in Frontrunners. He will return your call with information on
where to meet. All ages and abilities are welcome. (ongoing)
WELLNESS NETWORKS SUPPORT GROUP is for people with HIV or
AIDS and they welcome you to attend. Please drop in Monday evenings from
6:00 to 7:30 pm at the Grace Episcopal Church library at 341 Washington in
Traverse City. Every fourth Monday of the month the Significant-Other
Support Group will be meeting at 3301 Veterans Drive, Suite 221, just north
of S. Airport Road . For further information, please call 933-0279. (ongoing)
NORTHERN MICHIGAN WOMYN'S CHOIR is always looking for new
voices. To obtain more information or for a performance schedule, please
contact Deb at 276-9357. (ongoing)
GAY ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Meetings for gays and lesbians are
held each Wednesday at 5:30 pm and Saturday at 11:00 am at Grace
Episcopal Church, corner Washington and Boardman Streets in TC. For
further info, call John at 922-0746 or Hilda at 938-9294. (ongoing)
RAINBOW FRIENDS-ALPENA reaches out to lesbians, gays, bisexual and the
transgendered in the NE Michigan area. Individuals in the region should
feel free to call 517-354-0841 and contact me (Brad Vauter) for more
information. Informal pot-luck type gatherings are generally held monthly
in Alpena. In addition, occasional field trips are sometimes planned by
interested participants.(issue 4)
THE PETOSKEY GROUP: A social group for lesbian, gay and bi-sexual
persons is meeting weekly in Petoskey. The group meets at 6:30 p.m.
Wednesdays at the Noggin Room in the Perry Hotel. For information please
contact Tim at 616-348-8151 (ongoing)
THE UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST CONGREGATION-PETOSKEY is
meeting at the Concord Academy, 2230 East Mitchell St. Services are held
on the first and third Sundays of the month at 11 a.m. Please call 347-8916
for details or write POB 873, Petoskey, MI 49770-0873 (Issue 5)
H.A.N.D.S-PETOSKEY is an HIV/AIDS Network located north of Traverse
City. They are currently seeking volunteers in the northern lower peninsula
and eastern upper peninsula of Michigan. HANDS is a non-profit
organization that has committed itself to helping and supporting the needs
of HIV infected persons. They offer a number of services, including support
groups, education, public awareness, and one-on-one friendship support.
Volunteers are urgently needed in the Alpena, Gaylord, and Rogers City
areas. If you would be interested in the program, please call 616-526-9213.
(ongoing)

- 10 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Thanks for the recent note about ceasing mailing the newsletter
to non-supporting members. After the death of my friend Jigger
Johnson, I stopped visiting the Traverse City area. It has been a
great means of staying in touch with one of my favorite parts of the
country and some of the friends I made when I used to visit in the
summers. I certainly understand the financial constraints of a mailing to people who do not maintain a membership, as I am the treasurer
of the Houston Lesbian & Gay Community Center here in Houston.
Keep up the good work & when I am able I will send a donation.
Thanks. Patrick McKee

us. (The whole idea that we are willing to hide has become increasingly
disturbing to me. Try replacing "known homosexual" with "known person
of color'' or "an admitted Hispanic.") Another thing I have learned is that
communication from the at-large community remains a powerful vehicle
for change. Athird lesson is that we cannot expect or effect change if we
are uninvolved and invisible. The FN cards address a wide range of social
and political issues and provide a quick and easy way to assert ourselves
as members of the gay/lesbian community.
It is for these reasons that I am enclosing a contribution to FN to be
used in part for postcards in the next issue of NETWORKING ... , and as a
50% contribution for postcards in each of two subsequent issues which I
hope will be matched by other members of FN.-Peter King.

To members of Friends North,
I am always interested to receive NETWORKING ... , even though I am
in northwestern lower Michigan for only a few months each year. I have
been disappointed to see that for several issues, there have been no
postcards. My work in recent years on PACs and other involvements with
gay political organizations in the large east-coast city where I spend
much of my year has convinced me that the FN postcards are a valuable
vehicle in our struggle for legal, financial, and social equaity. Taking
Senaotrs to dinner, Congressmen to lunch, feting States' Attorneys General at the Union League, and attending the endless round of
congratulatory-cum-fund-raising cocktail parties have come to seem in
my judgement, uselessly self-celebratory and an ineffective way to reform either public opinion or policy regarding gay issues. In contrast, the
FN postcards provide direct feedback to persons making and influencing
policies that relate to gay issues across the political, occupational, and
social spectrum. FN identifies the issue, the person to contact and provides the text. for $4.00 in ostage and your signature, you can have a
voice on 20 gay issues each year!
One of the things that I have learned during my recent years of
political involvement is that it is not enough to come out to family,
friends, and colleagues, people who generally already know and accept

Gratitude
I wish to thank all in the gay community who have supported
me in so many ways the past few months as I continue to heal well
from brain surgery. life is void of meaning without friends and loved
ones. Having worked in hospitals, one is given a whole new perspectives on life when lying flat on your own back, totally entrusting
your very life to strangers and a Higher Power. My firm belief in a
spiritual afterlife removed the fear of death. Nonetheless, it felt
damn good to walk out of that hospital on my own two feet! It
wasn't time to say goodbye to Planet Earth yet.
However, I had time to ponder the lives of so many young ones
that I have said goodbye to over the years that were not able to
leave their hospital beds except via the hearse, often die to AIDs,
addiction, or suicide. Indeed, how all too short and precious life can
be. They have just gone on ahead of me. I still have much unfinished business on this side to complete before I join them.
Although change is in the wind, I find that support in times of
need or crisis continues to come primarily from within our own
ranks, thus making more compassion and less judgement essential.
Letters continued next page

B AT I C

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framing
801 W. Front St.

Traverse City, Ml 49684
Todd McMillen
proprietor

Ca.ARLES WESTERFIELD
President

941-8255
P.O. Box 2057

Trav<;rse City, MI 42685

326 East Front Street
Traverse City, MI 49684
616-947-8908

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Phbnei 616.946.3154
t Fai§J6.946.30S0

Mark Lizenby

- 11 -

WWWibatic.com
chktl~@batic.com

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Letters continued from previous page

Club Flamingo continued from page 9

Most significantly, however, was Reggie's refusal to hide what
the bar was. A few years ago he installed three very tall flag poles:
two that flew a rainbow flag and one in the middle that sported the
American flag. Mind you, this powerful symbol of gay pride is placed
front-and-center on one of the busiest streets in Pontiac and Oakland County.
Robert G. Clayton
As you can thus surmise, he maintained the visibility of his glbt
business
at great risk. His bar has been shot at several times by
Doug Bradley's beating was barbaric
shotgun
wielding
thugs and a cowardly pipsqueek dispensed a tear
To all of my neighbors, residents of Northern Michigan, and all who
gas
canister
inside
the bar one New Year's eve. Granted this was
claim to believe in a power greater than themselves.
several
years
ago
and
rarely still occurs, but Reggie's preserverance
Doug Bradley is a dear friend of mine. I saw Doug last Sunday, as I
usually do, and discovered he had been brutally attacked. A couple of shone through.
In addition to being a place where "everyone knows your name",
drunken fiends followed Doug home. I asked Doug why someone would
the
Flamingo was also the place where Scott Amedure earned his
do this to him. With a saddened smile, Doug replied' "Well, haven't you
living.
Scott's death, the event's that swirled around his passing and
heard'? ... I'm gay." I sunk into my chair. My heart was just broken for him.
Reggie's
support of his defense again bespoke of great resilience.
My friend explained he had been savagely beaten by two homophobics,
From
the very beginning, Reggie instituted show night on
as another person watched. I felt just sickened. Appalled. Disgusted.
Thursday's
and consistently delivers a good time to all of us in North
How unbelievably horrifying; to be v viciously beaten because of sexual
Oakland County. For many of those years his host has been Aura Lee.
orientation that differs from another.
Before beginning tonight's show, Aura Lee walked out onto the
Yes, my dear friend is a gay man. A gay man who is a wonderful
stage
and made an anouncement that lifted the spirits of everyone
person to many. A man who has numerous friends who love him. A man
in
the
bar. Tommorrow evening, Reginald Doyon and the Club Flawho is fun and funny. A man I like to he around. A man who does not
mingo,
at the Pontiac Silverdome, in front of the citizens of Pontiac
approach heterosexual men in a homosexual manner Why would he?
and
from
the mayor of the City of Pontiac, will recieve Pontiac's
"You, Homophobes," you do not have what Doug wants. "You" do
annual
business
beautification of the year award.
not have the love and compassion Doug seeks. The same love and comHe
has
invested
thousands of dollars into the gentrification of the
passion that radiates from his smile and pounds from his heart. So, flatter
area surrounding his business. An area that was filled with abandoned
yourselves no more. Do not be afraid.
The only thing my friend may want from "you' is the inherent right to be houses and nefarious activities is now a space of pride and beauty.
Reggie is a shy person. One rarely sees his name unless its on
treated as a human being, with dignify worthy of every right granted to all
a
check
carrying a modest donation to a glbt or AIDS organization.
Doug was beaten with a rocker in early October. He suffered a broken
Throughout
the year, Reggie, along with Aura Lee and the rest of his
nose, lacerations and bruises to his beautiful face, loose teeth (which he
staff,
raises
hundreds of dollars for our community.
had to grind back into place), bruised ribs, shoulders and back, and
And,
tommorrow
night, a glbt person is going to be recognized
emotional anguish no one should endure. 1 hurt for my friend. Doug was
by
Pontiac,
that
bastion
of blue collar values, for his rather mainsimply walking home.
To his assailants, shame on you and may justice be expedient to you stream contribution to the improvement of that community.
In light of this, one can't help but think about people like Matboth for your ignorance, intolerance, bigotry, and barbaric behavior.
thew
Shepard, Harvey Milk, Allan Gilmour, Sandy Berris, Jan
Too many people consume precious time with prejudices and intolerStevenson,
Tom Guiseppe, Ellen Degeneres, Susan Horowitz, Jeff
ance. Unfortunate for some of you, because I know a great man; I have a
Montgomery,
Howard Israel, Ginger Ward, Jeff Phillips, Henry Messer,
great friend.
Bill
Thomas,
Carl House, Cindy Woodbury, Cornelius Wilson, Sean
Christy K Dunham • Traverse City
Kosofsky,
Jim
Domanski, Elizabeth Birch and everyone at HRC, Leon
(Reprinted from, October 28, Northern Express
It's so important to let others know personally that they are valued.
Share a smile, laugh, or tear. Make a call, write a letter, hold a hand,
sit with someone'. Continue to make those human contacts. It doesn't
matter if they seem to go unreturned. It's the giving that counts.
Above all, never give up, for who knows what marvelous surprise is waiting just around the next bend. Thanks again to all.

ANDREW

L.

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- 12 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Annual

(O)RTH

f'

WiV1te. R pCf RtY
Sunday, February 28, 1999
1 P.M. to 5 P.M.

Bailey's Warming Hut
Village of Suttons Bay
(Call Kirk at 933-5250 for directions)
Come enjoy the
2nd Annual Friend's North Board Chili Cook-off
(You'll get to vote on the best chili!)
Bring a dish to pass!

Don't forget to bring your sleds, skis, snowshoes,
or any other FUN TOYS to play in the snow!

Club Flamingo continued from page 12

Matthews, George Fadiga, Henry Grix, Kerry Lobel and everyone at
NGLTF, Rob Fetzer, Joy Geng, Michaelangelo Signorole, Jay Sennet,
Craig Covey, Alan DeWolf, everyone at Lambda, David Geffen, Fred
Hochberg, Ambassador Hormel, Steve Gunderson, Michele Marquis,
John Sonego, David Adamany, Brooke Glaefke, Mike & Jan Nuebecker
and everyone at P/FLAG, GLSTN, Donna RedWing, Tom Dixie, Michael
Lary, Jay Sen net, Nikki Stevens, Beth Heaton, Chris Colb, Jim Gibbs,
Urvashi Vaid, NCAVP and the hundreds of thousands of gays (and
straights) that, in various ways, push our movement forward.
When I was leaving the Flamingo this evening, I found Reggie
at his usual place by the door telling everyone to "Drive safely". I
grabbed his hand and congratulated him on this great thing. He
responded by smiling and saying, "Yes dear, it's pretty nice."
Please take a moment to think about Reggie, his bar, his staff
and his customers and what they have contributed to our movement. Also please take a moment to congratulate him. Although he
doesn't have e mail, he can be reached at: Club Flamingo, 352
Oakland Avenue, Pontiac MI 48342.
T. Neil Hilton - TNHilton@aol.com

by Dan Savage

When Christian conservative groups began buying ads in newspapers and on television promoting the "ex- gay" movement-men
and women who claim to have "freed themselves" from the "gay
lifestyle," if not from gay desire, by accepting Jesus Christ-the
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force called the campaign a "kinder,
gentler homophobia." Ostensibly -directed at gays and lesbians, these
ex-gay ads seemed positively benign when compared to the rhetoric
American gays and lesbians are typically subjected to.
In fact, the campaign was hard to take seriously: Many gays
and lesbians have already accepted Jesus Christ and most gay Christians believe Jesus Christ accepts them-as gays and lesbians;
"ex-gay" or reparative therapy has never been proven effective and
is rejected as harmful by all mainstream mental-health organizations and professionals; and ex-gay ministries, including Seattle-based
Exodus International, can't minister to gays and lesbians -who aren't
interested in "escaping" homosexuality. What harm could these ads
do?
A considerable amount, as we're beginning to realize. Gays and
lesbians were never the true target of the ex-gay campaign and its
"message of salvation." The target from the beginning has been
straight Americans, and the message is not that Jesus Christ loves
gays and lesbians, or that there is "hope for healing" people who
are not ill, but that gay and lesbian Americans should simply not be
gay or lesbian. The ongoing ex-gay campaign implicitly argues that
gay and lesbian Americans don't have to exist-if we would only
give ourselves to Jesus Christ we could be straight.

There is nothing kind or gentle about this message: This is an
effort to spread a more deadly new form of homophobia through
American society. By arguing that the only thing standing between
a world free of - homosexuality-a world free of homosexual peopleare stubborn gays and lesbians, by arguing that we don't have to
exist, the ex-gay campaign implicitly argues gays and lesbians have
no right to exist.
American Christian conservatives are attempting to introduce a
new kind of anti-gay hatred: an eliminationist In his book Hitler's
Willing Executioners:: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust," author
Daniel Gold hagen describes pre-war German anti-Semitism as unique
and murderous, which he termed "eliminationist." German Christian
churches inspired visions of Jews as "Christ-killers," and Jews came
to be regarded as a poisonous anti-race that had to be eliminated in
order to purify German culture. In America at the end of the 20th
century, some American churches are creating an atmosphere of intolerance and hatred, with church-inspired visions of gays and
lesbians as Christ-rejecters, and homosexuality as a "behavior'' that
must be eliminated to purify American culture.
The distance is short between arguing that gays and lesbians as
a group have no rig~t to exist and someone taking it on himself to
end the existence of an individual gay or lesbian person. Homosexual] behavior cannot be eliminated without eliminating
homosexual people. Few gays and lesbians are interested in subjecting ourselves to "reparative therapy" quacks, and the vast majority
of us are happy as homosexuals, with no interest in becoming "exgay."
Matthew Shepard, the 22 year-old student tortured and murdered last week in Wyoming, was happy to be gay, had many close
friends, and a family
that loved him. And
Matthew Shepard no
longer exists, a victim
of eliminationist homophobia . While not
the first person in
America attacked or
murdered for being gay
or lesbian-a man in
Chicago remains in a
coma after a brutal attack last summer that
"Jwr.tly.flJmJ!p,wrir~pt,,pk&tt!"T~I.Alt,
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ex-gay man.
Christian conservatives have worked
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of eliminationist ho=·-=--- - =:-- ~
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(Homophobia continued next page)

NElWORKING 45° NORTH

- 13 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(Homophobia continued from previous page)

Chaplain's Reflection

anti-gay ad campaigns. Money that could have gone to house, feed
or provide health care for the poor-people Jesus Christ explicitly
A message from The Rt. Rev. Steven Charleston, Chaplain,
ordered his followers to look after-has instead been poured into
to
the
whole Trinity College (Hartford, Conn., USA) community...
hateful and expensive ad campaigns promoting eliminationist homophobia (full page ads in The New York Times do not come cheap).
I saw on the news today that Matthew Shepard died. He was the
One "pro-family" ex-gay ad encourages parents to reject their
22
year
old man from Wyoming who was beaten and tortured and
gay children. Matthew Shepard's parents did no such thing, rushing
left
to
die
for no reason other than he was a homosexual.
from Saudi Arabia (where Matthew's father works as an oil rig inspecThis
tragic
murder has raised a national debate again, the kind
tor) to their son's hospital bed. Matthew's parents arrived in Wyoming
in time to watch their son die of wounds inflicted by men who took of periodic soul-searching our society goes through whenever a crime
the American Family Association, Christian Coalition and Family Re- of hate startles us into awareness. The burning of Black churches,
search Council at their word: Matthew had no right to be gay, no right the bombing of innocent people, the death of a shy young man from
Wyoming: these events suddenly shake us out of complacency and
to exist, and so they kidnapped, tortured and murdered him.
Steven Schwalm from the Family Research Council, one of the remind us that fear, prejudice and rage are always the shadows just
organizations behind the ex-gay ad campaign, said in USA Today beyond the light of our reason. And so, people suddenly start to
that while he has "regret that the incident occurred," no one should speak out. There are voices of outrage and grief. Voices of sorrow
blame his organization simply because it opposes "homosexual ac- and demands to know why such a thing could happen. And predictibly,
tivity." But it is not possible to oppose and stigmatize homosexual there are also defensive voices:
The governor of Wyoming trying to explain why his state has no
activity without also stigmatizing homosexuals. Homosexuals are
laws
to protect people from hate crimes and the leadership of what
not an activity anymore than Jews or blacks or women are an activis
called
the Christian "right wing" trying to explain why their naity. We are people, people who happen to be gay. Homosexuality is
tional
ads
against homosexuality don't influence people to commit
not contagious, so there is no need for pro-family organizations to
such
violence
against gays and lesbians.
"oppose" us. Nor are we a threat to families: like Matthew, we are a
In the days to come, these many voices will fill our media and
part of our families.
the
cultural
consciousness it imprints until we are once again lulled
Christian conservatives have attempted to distance themselves
into
the
more
familiar patterns of our lives, dozing off as a nation
from the violence visited on Matthew Shepard. They must not be
until
the
next
tragedy
rings the alarm of despair.
allowed to do c so Conservatives like to talk about accountability,
As
the
chaplain
for
our own community, I would like to invite
so let the reliigous extremists who help make anti-gay violence a
us
all
to
consider
Matthew's
death in another way. Not through the
daily reality for gays and lesbians across this country be held acclamour
or
denials,
not
through
the shouts or cries of anger: but
countable. The violence in Laramie is a deadly consequence of the
rather,
through
the
silence
of
his
death, the silence of that young
hateful anti-gay rhetoric and eliminationist "ex-gay" ad campaigns.
man
hanging
on
his
cross
of
pain
alone
in the emptiness of a WyoFred Phelps, the pastor of a church in Kansas, picketed Shepard's
funeral today. Phelps and his followers have been protesting the funer- ming night, the silence that ultimately killed him as surely as the
als of gay men for nearly a decade. At Shepard's funeral, they intended beatings he endured.
Silence killed Matthew Shepard. The silence of Christians who
to carry signs that read "No Tears for Queers" and "Fag Matt in Hell"
know
that our scriptures on homosexuality are few and murky in
The actions of Phelps and his followers-the celebration of the elimiinterpretation
and far outweighed by the words of a savior whose
nation of a gay man-arc not a distortion of the religious light's position
only
comment
on
human relationships was to call us to never judge
on homosexual people but a distillation of it.
but
only
to
love.
The
silence of well-meaning educated people who
Dan Savage is a columnist and assodate editor at
The Stranger, a Seattle weekly paper pretend to have an enlightened view of homosexuality while quietly
tolerating the abuse of gays and lesbians in their own communities.

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

The silence of our elected officials who have the authority to make
changes but prefer to count votes. The silence of the majority of
"straight" Americans who shift uncomfortably when confronted by
the thought that gays and lesbians may be no different from themselves, save for the fact that they are walking targets for bigotry,
disrespect, cheap humor, and apparently, of murder.
Crimes of hate may live in shouts of rage, but they are born in
silence. Here at Trinity, I hope we will all listen to that silence.
Before we jump to decry Matthew's senseless death or before we
seek to rationalize it with loud disclaimers: I hope we will just hear
the silence. A young man's heart has ceased to beat. Hear the silence of that awful truth. It is the silence of death. It is the silence
that descends on us like a shroud.
At Trinity, as in Wyoming, we are men and women surrounded
by the silence of our own fear. Our fear of those who are different.
Our fear of being identified with the scapegoat. Our fear of taking
an unpopular position for the sake of those who can not stand alone.
Our fear of social and religious change. Our fear comes in many
forms but it always comes silently. A whispered joke. A glance to
look away from the truth. A quick shake of the head to deny any
complicity in the pain of others. These silent acts of our own fear of
homosexuality are acted out on this campus every day just as they
are acted out every day in Wyoming. Through silence, we give ourselves permission to practice what we pretend to abhor. With silence,
we condemn scores of our neighbors to live in the shadows of hate.
In silence, we observe the suffering of any group of people who
have been declared expendable by our society.
As a person of faith, I will listen, as we all will, to the many
voices which will eulogize Matthew Shepard. I will carry that part of
our national shame on my shoulders. But I will also listen to the
silence which speaks much more eloquently still to the truth behind
his death. I will listen and I will remember. And I will renew my
resolve never to allow this silence to have the last word. Not for
Matthew. Not for gay men or lesbian women. Not for any person in
our society of any color or condition who has been singled out for
persecution. Not in my church. Not in my nation. Not in Wyoming.
And not at Trinity College.

erg

JOURNAL: Loving Him to Death
By FRANK RICH

We know Matthew Shepard in death. Now there's at least a fleeting image of him in life. Distraught about the murder in Wyoming,
Tim Kirkman, a young gay film maker, spent frantic days searching
his files, convinced that Matthew was among the interviewees who
didn't make it into the final version of his documentary about Jesse
Helms, "Dear Jesse," which Cinemax is showing in its "Reel Life"
series in January. "I was sick of seeing this split-rail fence everywhere," said Mr. Kirkman this week, as he described his ultimately
successful effort to unearth his 1996 video of an unbrutalized Matthew.
Mr. Kirkman let me view the tape - which will now be used in
a new epilogue to his film and should air on a TV news magazine
soon. It's very brief. But it's easy to understand why the director
starts to cry when talking about it. Matthew, at the time studying
acting at Catawba College in Salisbury, N.C., is just another slight,
soft-spoken underclassman on campus, politely stopping to answer
a stranger's questions about Senator Helms and politics. But he's
standing beside another student, who identifies himself as Matthew's
boyfriend and hugs him as he does so. Matthew exudes an open
American sweetness too. Asked by Mr. Kirkman if he thinks Jesse
Helms's homophobia "represents what most of North Carolinians feel,"
Matthew answers instantly and generously: "No."
He is surely right. Most Americans, in North Carolina or Wyoming or anywhere else, don't hate gay people. The countless vigils
for this murdered student in nearly every corner of the nation, bringing
people of all ages, political parties, sexual orientations and religious affiliations together in genuine grief, speak for themselves.
But the fact remains that there are political organizations in this
country, led by moneyed, hard-nosed tacticians posing as theologians, that are recklessly dedicated to fomenting fear of gay people
to scare up angry voters in an election year like this one. Should you
call them on their game, they wrap themselves in the mantle of
"love" - they "love the sinner," you see - and attack their critics
as Christian-bashers.
When I wrote last week about the latest efforts of these groups
to stigmatize gay people, the response was true to form. Gary Bauer,
the aspiring Republican Presidential candidate from the Family Research Council, took to the pages of a weekly Focus on the Family
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VOLUME 12 • !$SUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

A Soulforce Response to
Matthew Shepard's Murder

newsletter to assail me for trying to "silence" Christians, and to vow
that he would continue his ''Truth in Love" campaign to convert
homosexuals to the path of heterosexual truth. He wrote a similar
Letter to The Times.
Dr. Mel White
So much for the spin. Go to the Family Research Council's Web
site and you will find "homosexual activity" described - Lovingly,
Before we decide how to respond to the murder of our young
no doubt - as "Lethal and immoral behavior" unworthy of civil gay brother, Matthew Shepard, Let's remember another cruel and tragic
rights protection. Or turn to the October issue of Focus on the Family's death suffered by a young Jewish teacher almost 2,000 years ago.
slick magazine, Citizen - these organizations have publishing em- Both young men were condemned by political and religious Leaders.
pires to rival Conde Nast - and its article proselytizing for the Both were humiliated by their peers. Both were brutally bashed then
"ex-gay" movement. It tells the story of a father, Glen Hysom, who tied to wooden stakes and Left alone in the cold to die. Both deaths
Learns that his son, Tim, is gay. Recalling his anger at this revela- Leave us stunned as we witness again the unthinkable power of evil
tion, Mr. Hysom is quoted as saying that he considered blowing his at work among us. Now, we are Left with a very difficult choice: how
brains out and blowing his son's brains out. He goes on: "But I knew do we respond to that evil?
that would hurt all of us, too. So, 'I'll just go blow that guy's brains
Matthew Left us no Last words to guide our response to his death,
out that got Tim into the homosexual Lifestyle. That'd solve it all: but the Last words of Jesus are painfully clear: "Father, forgive them
Well, then I'd go to prison . So I couldn't do any of those things."
for they know not what they do." Forgive them? Was he joking?
A "happy" ending immediately follows - Tim is said to have
Forgive Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for (allegedly)
been healed by an ex-gay ministry, his brain purportedly intact kidnapping, robbing, beating, cutting, burning, and generally terbut the subtext is clear. The only reason presented for not blowing rorizing our 21-year-old gay brother before Lashing him to a wooden
out the brains of "that guy" who allegedly enlisted Tim into homo- ranch fence and smashing in his skull with a .357 magnum handsexuality is that you'd "go to prison."
gun?
Want some more Love? The Rev. D. James Kennedy's Coral Ridge
Forgive Pat Robertson, Jim Dobson D. James Kennedy, Jerry
Ministries, another sponsor of the ex-gay campaign, is on record Falwell and the other media preachers and talkshow hosts whose
saying "Adult sex with children has been a crucial component of the false and inflammatory anti-homosexual rhetoric flows into Wyohomosexual movement all along." And then there's my mail of the ming polluting the conscience of their Listeners from Casper to
past week. "Here comes Rich galloping to the rescue of fags again," Laramie?
wrote one of my many Loving correspondents. ''This Matthew guy
Forgive Gary Bauer and the Family I Research Council for an had the devil beat out of him and now his soul is free for redemp- nouncing on the day of Matthew's death a new barrage of "ex-gay"
tion, if possible." I guess I should be grateful to this prayerful television commercials implying that homosexuality is a sickness
reader for showing me the Light.
that can be cured and a sin that should be forgiven? Or Fred Phelps
reprinted from the NY Times 10/24/98
for marching on Matthew's funeral waving a sign that reads "God
Hates Fags" or "Execute Homosexuals"?
"Father, forgive them," Jesus said, and we recoil from his words
in anger and disbelief. Why should we forgive those who killed (or
NEWSWEEK, October 26, "Discerning clergymen and moralists can
those who by their words and actions helped incite the killing) of
hate the sin and love the sinner, but by the time the homophobic
our gay brother, Matthew? Why should we forgive our enemies at any
message reaches the angry guys sitting in the bar, that distinctime or in any place?
tion has been lost."
It was the question Indians asked Gandhi in South Africa and
India. It was the question black Americans asked King in Montgomery and in Memphis. It is the question we have asked our heroes and

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A.G. CLAYTON

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

sheroes through the ages. Why should we love (and thus forgive)
our enemies when it feels so much more reasonable to hate them?
Like Jesus, the Hindu lawyer and the Southern Baptist preacher
were determined to help end the cycle of hatred, violence and death
(and bring in the "beloved community") by demonstrating an active, militant, powerful kind of love. We could gain so much by
working even harder to understand and apply the Soulforce principles of Gandhi and King to our individual lives and to the life of
our liberation movement.
At the heart of Soulforce is the belief that we are all children of
a loving Creator. Those who killed Matthew (or who are complicit in
his death) are also God's children and thus our brothers and sisters,
estranged members of our own human family. Like Jesus, who blamed
his own death on the ignorance of those who killed him ("... they
know not what they do"), Gandhi and King saw their enemies as
"victims of misinformation" who could be liberated from their ignorance only by bringing them "truth in love relentlessly" even if it
means "absorbing the suffering without retaliation" that flows out
of their ignorance and fear.
However, absorbing the suffering does NOT mean refusing to
educate our brothers and sisters about avoiding danger or helping
them to defend themselves from harassment and physical violence.
And forgiving our adversaries does NOT mean remaining silent or
passive in the face of their misinformation campaigns against us.
To forgive Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for murdering Matthew Shepard does NOT mean they should not be held responsible
for their crimes. However, the Soulforce call to "relentless nonviolent resistance" also means we must not be satisfied with one-night
vigils or angry media sound bites. "Relentless" means packing that
Wyoming courtroom every day of the trial to remind the world that
the death of one of the least of these, God's gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgendered children, will never again go unnoticed or unmourned.
At the same time, we should not hate Russell or Aaron for they
and their families, too, are victims of the ignorance about homosexuality and homosexuals that currently clouds the conscience of
this nation. We must confront that ignorance where we live, work,
play and worship, as Gandhi and King advise us, "with truth in love
relentlessly." We are not being "relentless" when we watch the battle
from the safety of our closets, when we refuse to take a stand against
the daily "little" injustices we encounter, when we remain silent in
the face of bigotry and intolerance.

To forgive Pat Robertson, Jim Dobson, D. James Kennedy, or
Jerry Falwell does NOT mean we allow them to continue their endless flood of false and inflammatory rhetoric against homosexuals
without confronting and condemning it. But we must not respond,
in King's words, "with violence of heart, tongue, or fist." Hating
Pat, Jim or Jerry will only increase the cycle of violence. Angry
letters or massive, one-day protests will not stop the flood of dangerous and deadly misinformation. To save another generation of
Matthew Shepards from the tragic consequences of the anti-homosexual rhetoric we must circle the outposts of intolerance in Virginia
Beach, Lynchburg, Colorado Springs, and across America. We must
fast, pray, and negotiate, and if they won't meet with us to discuss
our case against them, we must take direct nonviolent action against
them with the determination of the "salt marchers" at the Indian
Ocean or the courage of the black children who faced police dogs
and water hoses in Birmingham.
Our little brother, Matthew Shepard, is dead and we are left to
decide how we will handle our anger, our grief, and our frustration.
We'll stand together in silence at moving candlelight vigils. We'll
march together to protest and memorialize his death. We'll denounce
the anti-gay-rhetoric and those who use it to make money and mobilize voters and volunteers. Then what?
Gandhi and King call us to take seriously the principles of
Soulforce, of relentless nonviolent resistance. But they warn us that
we cannot begin that journey until we learn to love (and forgive)
our enemies. I don't know exactly what that means for our community but I'm afraid that we cannot be a part of the long-term solution
until we learn to love and forgive sincerely. Gandhi and King promise that once that truth dawns in us, we will know what we must do
next and we will discover the power to do it. i
In the meantime, I believe that Matthew Shepard's spirit has
been welcomed home by his loving Creator; that Matthew's undeserved suffering is helping to change the minds and hearts of the
nation; that his death has advanced the cause of truth and understanding far more than we will ever know; and that our young gay
brother who stood just five feet, two inches tall and weighed barely
one hundred pounds now stands in the company of giants, men and
women who died refusing to hate their oppressors.
Now, we must decide how we will honor Matt's memory. If love
doesn't conquer our anger, grief, and frustration, if we refuse to
forgive, we can reverse the gains that Matthew's death has brought

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- 17 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

us and dishonor his memory in the process. But if we work to outlove our enemies, if we take the moral high ground and work
relentlessly to confront the untruth and end the cycle of anger and
violence, the victory will be ours.
If you are interested in joining our growing network of Soulforce
Friends or receiving our complimentary Sou[force News, fax us at
(949) 455-0959 or email us at RevMel@.aol.com or
www.melwhite.org.
For information about Soulforce Videos or for all other information write to Mel and Gary at: Soulforce, Inc., P.O. Box 4467, Laguna
Beach, CA. 92652

Frankenstein's Father
The public knew James Whale as the director of the classic
horror films "Frankenstein". (1931) and "Bride of Frnakenstein"
(1935). In Hollywood, he was known as one of the first openly gay
men. "He made no attempt to hide it, but to categorize him a a 'gay
pioneer' would be a distortion," says Sir Ian McKellen, who stars as
Whale in "Gods and Monsters," due out this week. The film covers
the tormented last months of Whale's life, which ended in 1957
with a suicide by drowning. Brendan Fraser co-stars as the young
object of Whale's desire.
McKellen-like James Whale, an openly gay Englishman-tells
us: "The point he makes in the film is, nobody gives a damn what
people get up to as long as they don't get it in the papers. Directors
don't get into the papers like actors do."

Assistance for Service members
We are pleased to announce the arrival of HuddleStone On-

line. HuddleStone Online is a new web site designed to help gay,
lesbian and bisexual Servicemembers, Veterans and their love ones
who have been affected by the Department of Defense's "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" sexual orientation policy. Servicemembers,
Veterans and others who visit 'HuddleStone.Com have access to a
wide variety of information on topics such as legal assistance, financial affairs, transition matters, health concerns, employment/
career management, education and more.
I invite you to visit HuddleStone On-line and share the news
about the service with those around you. As it is against the military's
policy for gay, lesbian and bisexual Servicemembers to publicly disclose their sexuality, we would appreciate your help in getting news
about HuddleStone Online to those who can benefit from it.
HuddleStone On-line 1620 West Broadway Avenue, Suite 292,
Maryville, Tennessee 37801
PostMaster@H udd leStone. Com

NE'IWORKING 45° NORTH

Remarks As Prepared For
Delivery By Vice President Al
Gore
(Excerpts from the speech given on 9/19/98 at an HRC dinner.
Gore spoke much longer on the subject of discrimination
and his support of gay and lesbian people)

Let me say to all of you: I am proud to be here tonight. I want
to begin by congratulating HRC for your leadership - your tireless
commitment to equality and fairness - and your stunning success.
In 1996, HRC was active in nearly two hundred races across the
country - and 84 percent of your candidates won. Elizabeth - you
and I may have something to talk about a bit later on.
I come before you with a simple message: that the cause we
celebrate tonight is not some narrow, special interest. It is really
the cause that has defined this nation since its founding: to deepen
the meaning of fundamental fairness, to make real the promise of
our self-government, to build a good and just society on this bedrock principle: equal opportunity for all, special privileges for none.
If you believe in the basic dignity of every American - if you
live by our laws and live up to your responsibilities - then you can
share in the full promise of the greatest nation on this earth. And
that means all of you.
That is a purpose we did not fully understand when we counted
each slave as three-fifths of a person. Or when innocent and loyal
Japanese-Americans were imprisoned at the outset of World War II.
Or when gays and lesbians were effectively barred from holding jobs
in their own federal government. We've come a long way, America .
And when some, in recent months, have launched unprecedented
attacks on the very idea of fair treatment - trying to punish and
scapegoat people just because of their sexual orientation - I have
been amazed, and outraged. For this I believe with all my heart: if
we cannot conquer the forces of hatred and division that still exist
in our society, we can never redeem the American dream.
That is why President Clinton and I are so determined to appoint the best-qualified people to senior positions in our government
- whether or not they are gay or lesbian.
That is why we ended, by Executive Order, policies that discriminated against gays and lesbians in our civilian federal workforce.
And never forget this: we are one of the most successful administrations in history not in spite of that diversity - but because of it!

- 18 -

Helping You
Find Your Way
Home

• Renl
••• Eslall!
Ona.
INC.

REALTORS'

M'Lynn Hartwell
Hard Working Agent
511 East Front Street
Traverse City, Ml 49684

616/444-4148
office 616/947-9800

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Froperty of the Center

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Univi)i1~11f/11J1i11/iiji
i1]~~111i~1rir·OK
M 001 111 479
And we want our country to push back the forces of hatred and
discrimination, as we have always done when we are at our best.
The story of America is the story of an ever-widening circle of human dignity and expanding opportunity.
And it is an outrage that today, in 1998, in 40 states of our
union, it is 100 percent legal to fire a hard-working employee just
because they are gay or lesbian. That is profoundly wrong. Everyone
deserves the basic freedom from discrimination.
So I say to Congress: let's give everyone who is willing to work
for it a fair and equal chance to succeed. Pass the Employment NonDiscrimination Act into law.

Brenda Bartz

Recently the Kingsley historian graciously gave me a poster representing six generations of my family. I quickly located a picture of a
handsome young man standing, beside a chair with a sober face ... as
were many of the photos in the 1930's. Another piece of the puzzle ...
a face to put with the story. A distant cousin black-balled by part of
my family because he was gay.
Twenty-five years ago the most important person in my world
died ... my great uncle Hank. My aunt Lucy and uncle Hank had no
children. So from a very early age my brothers and I had a special
relationship with both of them. My first memory is of feeding the
black angus cows with my uncle. I was two and my uncle would lift me
into the manger, the cows would pull the hay out from under me
causing me to tumble. They would lick me with their huge rough
tongues. I would hug their shaggy heads and they would bellow their
appreciation. I was the apple of my uncle's eye ... the feeling was
mutual. His love for me was bigger than anything I've ever known. An
anchor in my world. I was 20 when he died. I've missed him greatly. I
know there are many accomplishments in my life that he would be
proud of... but ... being lesbian is probably not one of them.
It was this wonderful, loving, giving person who black-balled his
relative from the family for being homosexual. "Joe" was cut from the
family inheritance. Uncle Hank did not want him to receive any of his
money ... a very clear statement. Twenty-three years later my aunt
Lucy was dying. "Please get a hold of ... she gave me the name of a
woman ... the name was not familiar to me. My aunt had willed her an
insurance policy issued to herself by the postal service. My Aunt had
not violated her husband's wish but chose to make a very clear statement. 'Tm sorry." There are pieces I don't know. Can lessons be learned
after death?
This summer, at the Michigan Womyns Music Festival, I had the
opportunity to experience Alice Walker. She read an excerpt from her
new book "The light of my Father's Smile." The dead father visits his
grownup daughter. He is given the chance to rethink many things. The
portion that Alice read was a very steamy love scene between the
daughter and her female lover. I'm not sure I would want to conjure
up a vision of my uncle in my bedroom ... but I would like to think
that he could learn life lessons from the otherside.. Perhaps Uncle
Hank is proud of me ... lesbian and all. After all, the power of love is
pretty amazing.
NElWORKING 45° NORTH

Creating Healthy Lives
Exploring the Diversity of lesbian Health
Brenda Bartz

This fall I attended the first regional Lesbian Health conference
at the University of Illinois at Chicago. This two day conference was
organized by activists, health care providers, community organizations and government officials from the midwest, the purpose was to
educate and inform health care providers and lesbians alike on the
specific needs of lesbians as health care consumers, while also addressing broader issues such as access to care and public policy.
Conference objectives included: Education of the lesbian/bisexual
women's community and health care providers on critical and current
issues, as well as barriers to care such as income homophobia, racism,
disability and ageism. To explore strategies for increasing health promotion behaviors. To cross cultural, intra-interstate alliances and
coalitions on lesbian, bisexual and transgendered health issues.
What was really exciting for me was to be surrounded by many
super intelligent Lesbians!!!! There were your straight women and gay
men sprinkled in there for sake of diversity.
One of the keynote speakers was Judy Bradford Phd., Judy has
served as a consultant of Office of Women's Health Research in the
National Institutes of Health. Judy has significant interest and substantial background in women's health research. She works with the
Mautner Project for Lesbians with cancer, as evaluation consultant on
a multi-year CDC-funded replication study. She is currently working on
establishing an international network of lesbian researchers. Judy's
main points were, "Who are we?" The need for definitions of Lesbian,
sexual orientation ect .. That we are currently one of the most understudied and underserved populations in the country. The need for
access to health care and understanding of health care providers, and
a national data base. I think we are getting underway!
Marj Plumb, the other keynote speaker, was a dynamo. Marj's
lecture "Are We Ready?" ... really pumped the attendees. The recommendations of the Institute of Medicine's report on minority exploration
is due to be published next month. Large amounts of money will be
available for anyone to research lesbians. Those of us with vested
interest need to be READY ... or we will have more weird studies like
the ear canal report ... written by a straight man who never knew a
Lesbian! Marj encouraged community based research.

7 PRINCIPLES of Community Based Research
I) EACH ONE TEACH ONE: We must understand methodology. Learn it
2} IF IT IS'NT HARD IT IS'T COMMUNITY BASED: We all bring privelege
and prejudices to the table. Its scarey but stay at the table.
3) VALUE THE QUESTION MORE THAN THE ANSWER
4) REMEMBER THE WIZARD (OZ) The funny man behind the curtain. No, should be the starting point of any discussion.
5) FIND THE HARDEST POPULATION FIRST
6) PRISONS AND OLIVIA CRUISES HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN
YOU THINK A study showed the only differences were race and
class. Women take care of their girlfriends :)
7) BUTCH IS MORE THAN A NICKNAME Gender is a very complicated
issue.
I learned a lot from my trip to the windy city. I came home with
enthusiasm and a heightened sense of pride. - Brenda Bartz BSN,OCN

- 19 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

JEi

~

STATE AND NATIONAL HOTLINES
Michigan Wellness Networks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 800-872-AIDS
Gay/Lesbian National Youth Hotline . .... .. . ...... .. . . ... . 800-347-TEEN
Triangle Hate Crime Reporting . ..... ... .. .. ... .. ... . ..... 888-442-9287

STATEvVIDE SERVICES
SOCIAL / POLITICAL / MEDIA
The Network: Lesbian and Gay Community Network of W. Michigan
909 Cherry St. S.E., Grand Rapids, Ml 49506 ... . ....... . . 616-458-3511
Lavender Morning ........... . ..... P.O. Box 50729, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005
616-685-6061
Kalamazoo Resource Center
P.O. Box 1532, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005 . .. . . . . .. . ..... .. .. 616-345-7878
Affirmations Lesbian/Gay Community Center
Suite 110, 195 W. Nine Mile Rd.
Ferndale, Ml 48220 . ........ ... ... .. .. .. ... . ... . .. .. . 810-398-7105
http://www.webspace.com/-tcc/affirmations~ndex.htme
Lansing Association of Human Rights
P.O. Box 18062, Lansing, Ml 48826 .. .. . . .. ... . ......... 517-332-3200
e-mail .... . ..... . . . . ...... .... ... . . . .. . .. . . .. lahr@macatawa.org
Lesbian Connection
P.O. Box 811, East Lansing, Ml 48826 ... . . .. . .. . . . ... .. 517-371 -5257
Triangle Foundation (Lesbian/Gay Foundation of Michigan)
19641 W. Seven Mile Rd., Detroit 48219 .. . . .... . . . .. ... . 313-537-3323
.. . . .. ...... . . . .. . ............ . .. .... . ... . ... Fax: 313-537-3379
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . trijeffrn@aol.com
Between The Lines (newspaper/monthly) ........ . .......... 888-615-7003
20793 Farmington Rd #25, Farmington, Ml 48336
e-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pridepblis@aol.com
The Third Coast (magazine/monthly)
POB 7296, Grand Rapids, Ml 49510 . .. .. . .. ... .. . ... . . . 616-248-9967
Michigan Pride, Inc. (Statewide Pride March organization)
P.O. Box 16191, Lansing, Ml 48901 .... . . . .. . ... . .. .. .. . 517-371-8466
email .... ... . . . ........ . . .. ... .. ...... . .. pride@michiganpride.org

NATIONAL SERVICE / SOCIAL/ POLITICAL
P-FLAG: Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
101214th St. NW, Ste. 700, Washington, DC 20005 . . ..... . 202-638-4200
GLAAD: Gay/Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
80 Varick St., #3E, New York, NY 10013 . . ........... . ... 212-807-1700
. .................. . .... .. ..... . .... . .. . ..... Fax: 212-807-1806
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . glaadnatl@aol.com
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force .. .. .. ... . .. ........ . . 202-332-648
2320 17th St., NW, Washington, DC 20009 ........ . .. Fax: 202-332-0207
Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund . . . . . . . . . . 21 2-809-8585 x 205
120 Wall St., NY, NY 10005 . . .. . ... . . ... .. . ....... Fax: 212-890-0055
ACW Lesbian/Gay Rights Project
1370 Mission St., San Francisco, CA 94130 . ..... .... .. . 415-621 -0674
HRC: Human Rights Campaign (National Coming Out Day)
101214th St. NS #607, Washington, DC 20005 ... . ...... . 202-628-4160
......... .. .......... .. .... . .... . .... .. ..... . Fax: 202-347-5323
email ..... . . . .. . .. ...... .. . .... . . ... . . ..... ... . www@hrcusa.org
Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, Pomical Action Commtttee
101214th St. NW #707, Washington, DC 20005 .. . . ....... 202-842-7679
GLSEN, Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network . . . . . ..... . . 212-727-0135
1 21 West 27 Street Suite 804, NY, NY 10001 ..... .. . Fax: 212-727-0-254

LOCAL SPIR ITUAL.
Rev. Geraldine Colvin
Unity Church, 3600 Five Mile, Traverse City . .. . .... . . . . .. 616-938-9587
Rev. Emmy Lou Belcher
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Grand Traverse
6726 Center Rd., Traverse City-Home: 938-9078 ..... . .. Office: 947-3117
Rev. Nancy Hayward, Circle of the Sacred Earth . . . . . . ....... 616-223-7999
Rev. Linda L. Wilson, Journey In Light Ministries . .. . .. . . .... 616-271 -2529
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Petoskey .... . ... .... . 616-347-8916
P.O. Box 873 Petoskey, Ml 49770

NETWORKING 45'' NORTH

...../

LOCAL COUNSELING:
Third Level Crisis Intervention, .. .... ... . .. ... .. ........ .. 616-922-4800
1022 E. Front St., TC, Ml 49686 . . . . .. . .. . . .. ... . . . . and 800-442-7315
Women's Resource Center .. . . . .. . . . .. . .. .... . . .... .. .. . 616-941-1210
Rodger Landvoy, PHD .. ... .. . .... . .. .. .. . .... .. . ... .. . 616-929-1711
Susan Breuer PHD (Frankfort/ Traverse City) . . ... .. . .. .. ... 616-352-4261
Margo Million, ACSW .. . . ... .. ... . . .. . . .. . . . ... . ...... . 616-947-0511
Joanna T. Lauber, MA, OTR, CHt . . . .. . . ..... . .. . . . ....... 616-947 8842
Barbara Jones Smith, PHD ... ..... .. ....... . ... . ........ 616-947-1444
Elizabeth Most, MSW, ACSW (Petoskey) ..... . ............. 616-439-0656
William D. Gould, MA (Gladwin) . ... . ...... . . . ....... .. ... 517-426-2351
David Rushlow, ACSW, Munson Medical Center . . ..... . . . . .. 616-935-6385
Bay Area Counseling (Petoskey/Harbor Springs)
Margalo Bley, MSW, ACSW ........... .. . . ............ 616-348-3616
Daniel C. Doran, PHD, CSW (Upper Peninsula) . ...... .. .. .. 906-635-9263
Amy Elena Cook, MSW, CSW . . ....... ... .. . ... . .. .. ... (616) 932-8699
CDRS (a free substance abuse referral agency)
808-A S. Garfield, Traverse City.: .. .. . .. . . .. 929-1315 or 800-686-0749

LOCAL SERVICE / SOCIAL / POLITICAL
Friends North (information line) ... . ... . ..... . . .. .. . . . .... 616-946-1804
Common Voices - F/N Rap Group . . .. ....... . ...... . .. .. Tom-275-6127
Windfire Gay & Lesbian Youth Support Group-Call Third Level for location & time ..... . .. 616-922-4800 or 800-442-7315
Side Traxx Nite Club, 520 Franklin St. off of 8th St. . . ... . . . . .. 616-935-1666
Traverse City Human Rights Commission, 400 Boardman .. .... 616-922-4700
Gay Alcoholics Anonymous, •
Grace Church, Washington at Boardman, TC ........ John 616-922-0746
.. . ............... . ......... . . . .. . ... . .... . .. . jdevans@gtii.com
. . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hilda 616-938-1294
P-FLAG, Traverse City, POB 1705, Acme, Ml 49610 ... . . Cindy 616-271 -5045
GLSEN (Gay/Lesbian/Straight Education Network)
PO Box 9, Traverse, Ml 49685 .... . .. . ... . . .. ... . .. . ... 616-943-5050
NOW (National Organization for Women) Gail Trill .... . ....... 616-938-1333

LOCAL HIV/AIDS HEALTH COUNSELING:
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks, GTA, Inc., .. . .. . . . .. .. . ... .. . 616-947-1110
P.O. Box 1632, Traverse City, Ml 49685 . ............... 1 -800-494-1160
Business Office . .. ........... .. . . . ... .. . ...... . ... .. 616-933-0279
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks - HIV Support Group and
FamilyandSignificantOtherSupportGroup . .. . . . . . . .. .. . 616-947-1110
Thomas Judd Care Center, 1211 W Front St., Traverse City,
Mary Dillinger, RN, Clinical Nurse Specialist ..... .. ... .. . . 616-935-8140
David Rushlow, ACSW Social Worker ... ... .. ........... 616-935-6385
H.A.N.D.S. (HIV/AIDS Support: Petoskey) . . .. .. ...... . .. . 1-800-248-6777
Community Health Clinic ......... . . . ......... . . .. . ... ... 616-929-4448
(anonymous counseling/testing; same-day results no fee)
Northern Michigan Planned Parenthood . .... . ........ .. . . .. 616-929-1844
(anonymous counseling & testing)
Grand Traverse County Health Department .. .. . . . ... . .. . . .. 616-922-4831
(anonymous HIV Testing Center)
Emmet County Health Department (Petoskey) . . .. .. ..... . .. . 616-347-6014
Also call the District Health Department in your area

Home of

PIZZAZZ
Pizzas & Pesto

14 7River Street

PO Box 237
Charles E. Egeler, President
David A. Egeler, Vice President

Elk Rapids, Ml 49629
616-264-8901

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99



Pror""rty of the C .nter
THE NEWSLEITER

or FRIENDS NoRrn, 1Nc., an association of lesbians, gays) bi-sexuals, transgendered and their friends.

R K I N G

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Two MEN SUFFER ANTI-GAY ATTACK ·
IN TRAVERSE CITY
One Perpetrator Escapes Charges

Friends North Web Site:
http://friends-north.base.org
or
http://members.tripod.com/FriendsNorth

Come Visit Us!

HELPLine!
Gay? Lesbian? Bisexual? Transgendered?
Have Questions? Need Help?

Call: 616/946-1804
or 800/579-8769
Confidentially answered anytime day or night
NETWORKING 45'' NORTH

On Friday, October 2nd, two men were verbally harassed and
physically attacked by two assailants shouting anti-gay epithets while
following them home from a bar in Downtown Traverse City.
In the early morning hours, Traverse City residents Doug Bradley and Frank Stewart were heading home from Union Street Station
and were followed by two other men who were chanting anti-gay
epithets at them. The assailants began tripping, pushing and beating Bradley and Stewart with a wooden stick. Bradley phoned 911
for help but received no assistance. As the men neared Bradley's
home, the assailants began punching and kicking them' which resulted in a bruised Stewart and a broken nose and other injuries for
Bradley. Alter a second call from Bradley, the police finally arrived
and brought him to the hospital.
"This attack is a pure example of anti-gay bigotry," said Sean Kosofsky,
Associate Director of Policy for the Triangle Foundation, a statewide civil
rights, advocacy and anti-violence organization for gay, lesbian. bisexual,
and transgender (glbt) residents of Michigan. "This man was targeted
purely because of his sexual orientation and far no other reason. He didn't
even know his assailants. It's an unfortunate reality that in 1998 gay,
lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are still so widely preyed upon.
These attacks are more common than people think.
Although Bradley, is gay, the other victim, Frank Stewart is heterosexual. This signals a growing trend across the country. Attacks
like those of Bradley and Stewart are similar to countless others
tracked by the Triangle Foundation. According to a report released
this past March by the Triangle Foundation and the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs; anti-glbt hate crimes increased by
12% in Michigan in 1997 and have been increasing for most of this
decade. One of the most significant increases in hate crimes occurred
against heterosexuals perceived to be gay or lesbian.
Local gay activist Jim Carruthers, echoed the community concern.
"As a resident ofTraverse City I think we need a stronger message from
our elected and civic leaders that hate crimes and discrimination against
gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people is unacceptable."
The two perpetrators - James Johnson and Jeremy Jamrog
have been arrested and charged with agravated assault," while a
third perpetrator who allegedly watched the attack and provided the
get-a-way car, has not been charged with anything.
VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Richard Tuxbury

Friends North, Inc., P.O. Box 562, Traverse City, MI 49685-0562 (616)
946-1804 (This is a general information line answered by Third
l.evel.)To contact the organization directly, please call a board member.
FRIENDS NORTH is an organization of lesbians, gay men, bi-sexuals,
transgendered and their friends from northwestern lower Michigan.
Located in Traverse City, we provide social activities, a newsletter,
information line, workshops, a website and a scholarship fund for
financial assistance.
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS OF FRIENDS NORTH is composed of nine
women and men elected each December. Regular board meetings
are held at Grace Episcopal Church at the Corner of Washington &
Boardman the first Tuesday of every month (except August) at 6:30
p.m. Everyone is welcome to attend.Please call ahead to the president
if you have an item for the agenda
Brenda Bartz, VP - 616-946-2 708/bbartzstar@aol.com
Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294/trufalogal@aol.eom
Kirk Mallow, Pres. - 6l6-933-5250/Mallowki@norris.tcaps.kl2mi.us
Daniel Miller- 616-2 63-37 60/Milkrat@aol.com
Gretchen Sauvage- 616-943-9819
Tim Schmidt - 616-941-8987 /TCTimber@aol.com
Sue Schwartz, Treas. - 616-946-3032/tcfriend@aol.eom
Charles Westerfield - 616-922-0746/charles@batic.eom
NEWSLETTER COMMITTEE: Publication of Networking 45° North.
Editor: Richard Tuxbury: 616-271-3042
<tux00 l@aol.com>
Publishing & Layout: Richard Curtis: 616-929-9605
<rlc@traverse.com>
Advertising: Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294
trufalogal@aol.com
Mailing List:: John Evans: 616-922-0746
<jdevans@gtii.com>
Networking 45° North is the newsletter of Friends North, Inc.
Viewpoints expressed do not necessarily represent those of the board
or general membership.
.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING and notices are run without charge.
Please submit in writing or by calling the editor (and leave ad on
machine 2713042 or by email.)
DISPLAY ADVERTISING in Networking 45° North is available in
Business Card size - $25.00 per space per issue or an annual rate of
$100.00 for 5 issues. Inserts and larger sized ads are available. Please
call Sheryl Layton - 616-938-9294/trufalogal@aoLcom
CONTRIBUTIONS to Networking are welcome. Letters, essays,
features, reflections, and original artwork should be sent "c/o Editor"
to above address. (Networking will not accept material that is sexist,
discriminatory or sexually explicit. Contributors are responsible for
obtaining permission from those whose names they submit for
publication.)
DEADLINES: #1 February 15, 1999
ADDRESS CHANGES: Please notify us in advance if a change is
coming. Call John Evans, 922-07 46, or e-mail changes to
jdevans@gtii.com.
SUBSCRIPTIONS/MEMBERSHIPS: $15.00/single; $25.00/couple.
Please send checks or money orders to: Friends North, P.O. Box 562,
Traverse City, MI 49685-0562.
DISTRIBUTION Networking is published 5 times per year. Copies
are sent bulk-mail in a plain envelope to approximately 700
households. Additional copies are available at select local
establishments.

from the editor
These last few months have been one of
the most visible periods of time in many years
for gays and lesbians in the US. The religious extremists have teamed up to run a
national ad campaign which promoted the
concept of conversion therapy ... in other words, they are saying that
gays and lesbians would be able to change with just a little help. The
ads, described by HRC as "a kinder, gentler homophobia," were run
in the NY Times, among other papers, and we have reproduced an
example of one of these elsewhere in this issue.
Matt Shepard's death came on the heels of these ads, and the
media and the public seemed to conclude that "enough is enough!"
Matt quickly became a symbol for all those whose murders and beatings went barely noticed. America found that discrimination was very
much alive - tolerated in many places, overlooked elsewhere, and
even encouraged in certain locations. The World looked on and more
than o~ce the word "hypocrites!" was aimed at the USA.
Nationally, it's been noted again that the gay vote has power,
and in an exit-poll survey almost 5% of the voters identified themselves as gay or lesbian. We are identified as a group which can
swing a close election.
Locally, gays and lesbians joined with many others to defeat
Michelle McManus, a challenger for Bart Stupak's seat for the US
Congress. In the last minutes of the campaign, McManus aired TV ads
which were aimed at Stupak's support of gays and lesbians. These
ads could not be ignored, as the candidate's photo was superimposed
over photos of gay men in romantic situations. I heard the ads (and
the candidate) called "disgusting," "mean and nasty," and even "sickening." Stupak called the ads a '30 second gay-bashing: And, the TC
Human Rights Commission was asked to look into the ad to see if
. they might require a response from the group - certainly a condemnation aimed at McManus appeared to be in order.
In Hawaii, the statewide referendum to change the definition of
marriage was passed, thereby excluding gays and lesbians from the
privilege and right of state-sanctioned marriage. In Alaska, another
referendum was passed which specified that marriage was between
members of the opposite sex, thereby eliminating the possibility of
same-sex couples asking for this right.
Good news came from Wisconsin where voters elected an open
lesbian, Tammy Baldwin, as their representative to Congress. In Washington State, Col. Margret Cammermeyer was defeated in her run for
Congress, while in San Diego, Christine Kehoe also lost in a close
race.
The newsletter is looking for contributions for 1999. If you have
a story to tell -even anonymously - please call me to discuss it or
send it on. We look forward to hearing from you this year.

printed on recycled paper
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Kirk Mallow

from the president
It's been quite a year! Back in December you, the members, elected me to the
board. Since then we've made some big
strides. Starting out with a limited budget
we managed to pull off some awesome eventsHigh Tea, Bike Tour, Pride Day, and the Autumn Hike, to name a few.
We've also made some important strides that we hope will push
Friends North into the twenty-first century.
Among the accomplishments of the board are the Friends North
Web site which went on-line in July and a revised set of by-laws
that, when passed by the members at the annual meeting in December will replace the outdated 1987 by-laws . Also, most importantly
I feel is the Board's unanimous decision to change our IRS tax status from a non-profit to 5O1-c3 corporation. This in itself, we feel
will open doors for the organization which have never been an option for us before. We Look forward to doing grant writing, soliciting
donations from corporations and individuals-all of which will be tax
deductible for the donors. It is the Board's intent and hope to tap
this resource and to use it to better serve the community of Northern Michigan.
I am urging everyone to attend the annual meeting, scheduled
for December 8. We will be discussing the By-Law changes and other
issues which could change Friends North forever. After all, YOU are
Friends North-the board is here to execute your wishes.
Thank You, Kirk

and direct first-timers. Rap sessions often include g/l/b/t topics
and videos, but more importantly include time for anyone who needs
to talk in a safe, comfortable environment.
In addition to rap sessions, Common Voices sponsors "Common
Nibbles" - the 4th Wednesday (4:00 pm monthly local restaurant
gathering. A different local dining establishment is chosen each
month. Common Nibbles is an excellent complement to our rap sessions, offering quality interaction (and quality food!). You don't
need to spend a lot of money, just come to the restaurant and ask
for the Common Voices group.
Common Voices regularly tries to sponsor additional activities
such as potlucks, hikes, video nights, etc., thanks to those who
want to keep the spirit of our group strong.
Common voices offers a free subscription to our monthly newsletter (which is also a reminder of our gatherings and special events).
Please phone Tom at the number listed below to receive your copy.
We need your name(s) and mailing address. · (Phone numbers are
appreciated but optional.) Our mailing list is confidential - no
names/addresses will be given out by anyone in Common Voices.
For any information about Common Voices/Rap Group/Common
Nibbles/CV newsletter/special events, phone Tom (275-6127).
Our December meeting is on December 9. On December 16 we
plan a joint potluck with PFLAG. This will also be at Grace Episcopal
Church, upstairs in the parish hall. Call for information.

friangles &Rainbows
A Northwestern Michigan College Student Group
"Triangles and Rainbows is a group of Lesbian, gay, straight, and
bisexual students at NMC who together believe that celebrating
diversity is fundamental to a healthy community and future."

Cornmon Voices, the Friends
North Rap Group
Common Voices, the Friends North Rap Group, extends a warm
welcome to everyone in our g/l/b/t community to attend all our
monthly events. Common Voices is an excellent resource for people
just entering our community.
Our Rap Group meetings are held the second Wednesday of each
month at 7:30 pm in the main floor church hall at Grace Episcopal
Church, 349 Washington St., Traverse City. Parking is available in
back and you can use the rear (north) entrance. Common Voices
people will be near the main church entrances until 7:30 to welcome

Our first event as a group was this fall, was participating in the
Grand Traverse Area AIDS Walk. In October, we celebrated National
Coming Out Day by hosting some campus events that were made
open to both students and faculty in order to help raise visibility.
Our most recent effort included sponsoring a play that was
performed solely by Chris J. Franklin in late October called, "The
Only Worse Thing You Could Have Told Me ... " by Dan Butler,
showcasing over a dozen gay characters and the conflicts that
haunt them.
Triangles & Rainbows continued next page

935 T 1666

Open 7 Days

(SlfflUIE TMRA.:.:)
222 E. Front Street
Traverse City, Ml 49684

Downtown
NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Open 7 days

PH: 6 t 6-94(,-8528
Fax: 616-946-3553

T 520 Franklin T Traverse City, MI 49686 T
-3-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE4 • WINTER 1998/99

We are now preparing for a number of events. The first is the
coming of folk artist Coca Love Alcorn to NMC for an evening
performance Wednesday, November 1 8th. Coco, out of Canada,
has opened for female folk artist Ani Difranco, and is beginning to
make a name for herself in the folk industry. Doors will open at
8:00, with the performance starting at 8:30 opened by Erik
Milliron, NMC student and treasurer of Triangles and Rainbows,
then continue with two 30 minute sets by Coco.
We are also sponsoring a play on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and the 10th,
11th and 12th of December. The piece, "Days In the Life" features
a collection of short scenes and monologues from several pieces
showcasing young adults, their relationships and their experiences. A musical talent tentatively scheduled for a spring
performance is a two-girl band called Leavin' Dodge. They perform
covers of popular songs as well as their own work.

We are also planning to attend a gay youth leadership conference at
Eastern Michigan University in late March. The Queer Youth Summit is
in it's fourth year and pulls together schools from as far as Northern
Michigan University. The conference holds workshops to educate
queer youth on important issues facing them and the gay community.
e-mail address: tandrgroup-hotmail.com • Phone: {616) 922-1673
** WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT!**
**Please communicate with us on anything you think would be
helpful to us.** - Thank You.

~Outin
V +About

A Lesbian Coffeehouse

Unity Church
3600 Five Mile Road
Traverse City
Call 946-2708
for more information

Upcoming Events
December - No Coffeehouse - Happy Hanukkah/Merry Christmas
We are also thinking about planning a trip to Detroit to see a
WNBA game in the next year, so stay tuned.
Out 'n About Lesbian Coffeehouse is generally held on the
third Saturday of each month except for this year there are
few changes in dates. Please see related Out 'n About
Upcoming Events Calendar. No coffeehouses will be held for
1998 in April, July, August, or December. The Coffeehouse
comes alive between 7 :00 and 11 :00 pm at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Road, Traverse City. Smoke-free and Chemfree with a cover donation of $3-5 ($5-10 if we have
entertainment). Coffee, tea and snacks are free; soft drinks
are available.
The coffeehouse is managed by an informal gathering of
lesbians who call themselves the Steering Committee. Please
consider joining the Steering Committee so that your ideas
can be heard. The committee meets for a couple hours on
the Monday prior to the 3rd Saturday coffeehouse or Monday
prior to event, for planning of each month's event. For
coffeehouse information, or location of committee meeting,
call Brenda at 946-2708-leave message.

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

Sued for self-defense
This morning, I awoke to the sounds of childish delight and
childish disgust. Curious, I went to my front door to see the object
of the children's interest. There, on the sidewalk to my home, lay a
dead squirrel, obviously flattened by a car tire. Too far from the
street, it had to have been put there. I can only imagine by whom.
And if they think that they're only antagonizing me, what about the
impression it must have made on those children?
My name is Doug Bradley. Perhaps you've heard about me. On
October 2, 1998, as I was leaving Union Street Station. my friend
and I passed Dillinger's Pub where two men started following us,
and as we crossed State Street, they began yelling obscenities at us.
The closer we came to my home in Central neighborhood, the
more intense their onslaught became until, at one point, I asked
them why they were harassing us and they responded, "Because
we're going to kill you faggots!"
We naturally quickened our pace, but they caught up, for the
first time becoming physical, tripping, kicking, and hitting us. As
we came into my front yard, one of the assailants viciously hit my
friend in the back of the head and, unable to stand the blows or the
abuse any longer, I blindly struck out with a beer bottle from the
six-pack I was carrying, at the nearest attacker. The prosecuting
attorney said that I "escalated" the crime by retaliating in this manner, but I ask the prosecutor and you, what would you do in the
same situation'? Now I find out that, even though I was the victim,
I am being sued by one of my attackers for defending myself! Is this
justice?
I ran into my home and called 911. The assailants began throwing rocks from my rock garden at the front of my home, bashing in
my door. I ran back outside, clutching my cordless telephone, both
to check on my friend and to hopefully frighten the attackers away
by informing them that I'd called 911. One of them responded, "I
don't care who the f _
. you-you called, I'm going to kill you,
faggot!"
I dialed 911 again. Still holding the telephone, I was attacked
from behind; being choked until I almost lost consciousness and
pummeled with fists until I fell to the ground. One of them picked
. up a rocking chair rocker from an old chair in my yard and savagely
beat me about my head, shoulders, and back, resulting in a broken
nose, loose teeth, abrasions, cuts, bruises, and swollen lips. I distinctly remember a third person standing there, coldly observing as
I was beaten, then giving his friends a ride away from the crime
scene, yet he was never charged with anything ...
I would like to say that Sgt. Joe McCarthy was, by far, the most
efficient, caring, and sympathetic police officer I have ever encountered in Traverse City. I honestly believe that he did his job to the
best of his ability.
Now, whatever happens is up to the court system, but I firmly
believe that it's high time the residents ofTraverse City wake up and
realize that it is no longer the wonderfully quaint All-American
storybook town that my ancestors hailed from and I've loved all my
life, but a city of thinly-veiled hatred.
M. Douolas J. Bradley

- 4-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/ 99

fro

t eco

ity

Coming out:
an act of courage and love
(Previously published on National Coming Out Day in the TC Record Eagle)
By Matt McCormick

As a four year old I remember clearly the day I pointed to a
picture of a pop music teen idol in a magazine and announced to my
mother, "I think he's cute."
Her reaction was clearly one of shock and disappointment: "Boys
do not say things like that about other boys!," she said sternly. Her
surprise was my surprise because to me this seemed as natural as
anything I might imagine.
When I hear someone claim that one's sexual orientation is
chosen I can't help but wonder when that person made their own
conscious "choice" themselves. I believe that if these people were
truly honest with themselves they would realize that of course they
did not choose their sexual orientation and that such a notion is not
only absurd but also insulting to those struggling with the idea that
they might be homosexual.
For the most part homosexuality can be discussed openly and
honestly today without anywhere near the degree of shame or taboo
that was once associated with the topic as little as five or ten years
ago. A little visibility goes a long, long way, and isn't it amazing
what we've learned as a result? Gays and lesbians are in all walks of
life and in all professions. They lead normal lives, own homes, raise
children, attend PTA meetings, go to church, run for public office<let's
face it, they're pretty boring! Many hateful stereotypes still exist
out there and they are all too frequently used but they are being
destroyed every day through real life examples.
True progress towards understanding our differences happens
only when fears and prejudices are confronted through dialogue,
discussion, and visibility. The people who have th_e most positive
attitudes about homosexuals are those who say they know one or
more gay person well.
I've found often that the voice of opposition to accepting homosexuality as a naturally occurring element of human nature comes
most from people are not homosexuals. They speak from hearsay; I
speak from personal experience. Homosexuality is not a choice. The

only choice that comes in all of this is the choice of deciding how
you'll live your life. I was "7 before I gained enough courage and
self-respect to come out of the closet and embrace my true identity
free from the shame and self-loathing that I was brought up to feel.
If someone comes out to you you should be flattered. By such
an honest and personal admission that person is saying to you, "I
care so much about you and our relationship that I am willing to
risk possible alienation and rejection by you so that you will know
me for who I truly am. Until now I have been living a lie and hiding
my real self from you but you are too important to me to continue
lying." When you stop to consider the message it's quite a remarkable gift to receive. If our purpose here is to treat others in the
same manner as we would wish to be treated then I believe the
answer of how to react in this situation seems self-evident.
When it comes to the liberation associated with coming out
perhaps Elizabeth Birch, Executive Director of the Human Rights
Campaign, states it best: "Let me assure you that while being an
openly lesbian, gay, or bisexual person in this society isn't easy, it
is so much more gratifying than being in the closet. Lying and hiding, worrying that someone will discover your secret, consumes a
lot of personal energy and detracts from the quality of a person's
life. No one should be denied the opportunity to thrive and flourish
as a full human being because his or her sexual orientation is different from that of the majority."
Sunday, October" is the 10th anniversary of National Coming
Out Day. This day commemorates the historic '987 March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights. With hundreds of events in all 50
states NCOD increases visibility and awareness about equal rights
for lesbian, gay and bisexual people.
(Below is the bio I WANTED to use but the
Record-Eagle made me re-write it!)

Traverse City resident, Matt McCormick, did not choose his sexual
orientation. He did, however, choose to marry his partner of seven
years in 1996.

It's That Time of Year Again ...
Alan Williams

Ronald D. Jones

])cut,'{ StuJic

;4,t qallt,'{

Fired
121 E. Nelson Street
Cadillac, Ml 49601

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Earth
(616) 775-0888
FiredErth@aol.com

Winter is icummen in, Lhude sing Goddamm, Raineth drop and
staineth slop, And how the wind doth ramm! Sing: Goddamm. Ezra
Pound, "Ancient Music" It's November 2 as I sit here at the keyboard. Mother Nature thumbs her nose at us with a chilly reminder
that, although we got a break in October, winter is making its frigid
and snowy way down from the north to grace our beautiful countryside with a blanket of white. Well, at least some of us are hoping for
the blanket of white, anyway. We can bid a six-month farewell to
swimming, boating, cute men and women (a.k.a. "eye candy"), sunburns, mosquitoes, and tourist-fed traffic jams, and say hello to
curling up in front of a warm fire, shoveling snow, skidding on ice,
(It's That Time continued next page)

-5-

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(It's That Time continued from previous page)

you see another show about hand-made Christmas ornaments.
shoveling snow, skiing, snowboarding, and lest I forget, shoveling
Get yourself a pen and a piece of paper, and write a letter to
snow. Oh, did I mention there was snow to be shoveled?
someone
you haven't heard from in a while. (That's right, I said
For all those people getting ready to trade in the summer ahhs
"pen and paper." Anyone can sit down at a typewriter or a
for the winter blahs, it's the time of year to steel yourself for the
computer and crank out a mini-epic to send off to someone, but
inevitable. Yes, folks, don't kid yourselves; you knew this season
for that really personal touch, try writing that letter by hand.
was coming. Don't let this winter get you down, though! Here are
You may find yourself choosing words with greater care when
a few survival tips for the newcomer to northern Michigan winters:
you run the risk of a hand cramp after a couple of pages.) Try
1. Extra pounds can be a good thing. Instead of worrying about
your hand at any kind of writing you fancy-journals, letters,
your waistline all winter and wondering how you're going to
poetry, prose, non-fiction. Put some quiet music on, then, and
slog through Blizzard #1,487 of the season to get to that gym,
get to work. The time will pass more quickly. You may even
follow the course of nature and let those extra pounds sit there
find that you've written something to submit to Networking
for a while. (Hey, boys, did you ever notice that the "big fat
queen" you've been putting down all summer doesn't have to
(hint, hint).
waste half his energy shivering in the winter?)
7. Winter is a fantastic time to go shopping. "Going shopping"
2. Winter is a great excuse to get in extra snuggling time. It's
doesn't mean spending next year's salary in a mad rush. Window shopping is often just as fun. (One of the things I love to
especially handy for all those guys who like the "bear" crowd.
Who needs a soft, fuzzy blanket when a soft, fuzzy man is availdo is to go window shopping with a friend or group of friends
able? Men and women alike can use the classic "It's too cold
and make a day of it, complete with lunch and sometimes even
and snowy to go anywhere tonight" line to bring themselves a
a matinee show at the cinema.) Going shopping often either
satisfies your need for human contact or reminds you why you've
little closer to their mates. Ah, bonding ....
3. Winter does not mean the death of fashion. For all those who
been staying home alone in the first place.
believe that winter is the season of drab plaid flannel, rememWhatever you choose to do, I hope you'll add "attending Friends
ber that layers of clothing are the best way to keep warm, and North" events to your list. They're a great way to meet new people
if you coordinate them right, the best way to show off half a and relieve some of the doldrums the winter can bring with it.
new wardrobe at once. Forget the oversized mega-coats from
hell; get yourself a sharp-looking turtleneck and wear something really bright on top of it. Unless, of course, you're like
me and you have enough padding to make layers a non-essenGay brothers and lesbian sisters
tial.
Chris Convissor
4. Get plenty of light in the winter. Did you think the Holiday
It's awfully difficult to write with a cat in your lap. Oops I just
Blues were just a psychological thing? Not necessarily. Some
people have a condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder, where fell into a stereotype didn't I? A lesbian with a cat ... whatta shock.
the reduced daylight hours of the winter months can actually But it's true ... he keeps pawing at my hand and trying to take it
induce depression. If you're one of the people who suffers from away from the keyboard and bring it to him. Pet Me!!!
The thing about words is you think you know what they mean
this condition and you have a lot of money, you can always go
until
you investigate. Stereotype's first definition is (in the Britanicca
south of the equator for the winter, since it's summer down
Dictionary):"
A plate taken in type metal from a matrix, as of paper,
there. If you aren't, then talk to your doctor about solutions.
There are special lights called full-spectrum lights that are a reproducing the surface from which the matrix was made."
Hmm.
bigger help than just sitting closer to that old incandescent
You
have to read all the way down to the fourth definition to
bulb you've got hanging in the laundry room.
get
"
A
conventional
or hackneyed expression, custom, or mode of
5. Try winter sports. Okay, if you simply must go out and expend
thought."
loads of energy in your personal Battle of the Bulge, and if you
Hackneyed. Well, I thought I knew what stereotyped meant.
simply can't stand the idea of exercising indoors (where there's
Plod
over and get the other half of the dictionary down. ( I
less chance for you to get to know hypothermia on an intimate
basis), and if you've never tried hopping on a pair of skis or know I can use the computer's dictionary, but what dictionary is
strapping snowshoes to your boots, give it a shot. By all means, that?)
Hackneyed:" Worn out by frequent use; trite."
bundle up, though; it wouldn't do to head to SideTraxx afterThe
thing about stereotypes is I hate falling into them. As in
wards and spend half your time there trying to get your eyelashes
Lesbian:"
Butch, mechanic, truck driver, hates men .... " well you get
to thaw.
the
picture.
And occassionally that has happened in my life Only I
6. Winter is a great time to polish your writing skills. Maybe
you've already tried the winter sports gig and it didn't work for know there is this other side of me that would just thrill my mother:
you, or you're getting bored sitting around the house alone and I like doing laundry. My voice has gotten quite high on occassion. I
it's too early to go out to the bar. Or maybe you're snowed in cry at Christmas commercials, or as the older generation often says:
and you're ready to throw the television set out the window if

Stereotypes:

(Stereotypes continued next page)

NE'JWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

(Stereotypes continued from previous page)

Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. Arrggh! I did it again.
Another damn stereotype! I resist being a butch, but Let's face it
not many women have a very strong upper body and make a Living
with it. Those of us that do havea strong upper body and make a
Living with it generally Live with women. Don't know why. It's a
damn stereotype.
So if I'm just a plate taken from type metal reproducing the
surface I came from does that mean there's an iota of truth in some
stereotypes?
Stereotypes are worn, hackneyed expressions, overused to the
point of being trite. I think the truth is somewhere in between. I
think observations are made without understanding and from these
observations stereotypes are born .. so there are some truths in
there.. but not truths from a point of understanding. So, are they
still stereotypes if you understand where it's coming from? I dunno.
ALL I know is I hate falling into them but then I have to recognize when it can get confusing.
Whenever anyone asks me what the differences are between
men and women the first image that comes to mind is when we
were camping in Saugatuck and woke up to men having breakfasts
with candleabra's and souffles, and all the women with their heads
bent under the open hoods of cars.
The second image that comes to mind is when we stopped behind a disabled vehicle Leaving the Michigan Womyns Fest one year.
Just as we reached the car a man pulled up from a nearby garage. He
poured gasoline down the carburetor and was attempting to start
the car when flames shot our the carb and caught on some extra gas
that spilled on the engine. As he jumped out and stared at it for a
minute one of the women whipped off her flannell shirt (and since
we'd just left the festival she was au natural)and put out the blaze.
After another pregnant pause the guy spoke,"Guess I shoulda
done that, huh?"
One year we were looking at old family 8 mm movies of Christmases past. Among the six kids playing, my older brother had a
baby Hoover with its own Light. He also proudly mugged for the
camera while ironing on his very own ironing board. With his beaming face he was the pride of the household; of course not to be
upstaged, I ran by him and towards the camera with my 6 shot
indigo flourescent rubber tipped space gun, exulatantly dressed in
my new cowboy boots and hat. At this point in our Little cinemania

::-'

-·:;:

we just had to turn to Mom and ask, " How could you not have
known?"
Recently my older brother told me that at the request of several
Lesbians, he and a few other gay male friends were asked to spend
time with the Lesbians sons. Lesbians tend to have sons because so
many use artifical insemination and for some reason being AI'd tends
to throw male children. In any case, there were forty or so boys that
needed male role models in Kalamazoo. I had to ask," Why? So they
can Learn how to cook and sew?"
A neighbor Living next to my Mom needed help with his car. My
older brother and I offered to help Mr. B. We drove to Farm and Fleet
for the oil and filter. As I Looked up the parts he paced impatiently
saying, "I don't know why you're doing this .. we could take it to one
of those quickie places. Now I'LL have to find some way to dispose of
the oil." Geez, you'd think it was nuclear acid.
"Just shutup." I growled,"This is the way I nurture."
As we approached the cashier, she Looked at the quarts of oil
and the filter I had placed on the belt and then looked at my brother
and quipped," Oh she's got your work cut out for you."
Yea, right, I'm thinking.
I turn and see my brother Jim doing this butch Nathan Lane
thing Like ,"Yeah ... ! guess so."
What is up with that?
That was just the beginning. We had to find the particular polish I was looking for at an auto parts place. Jim followed me around
the corners of the store like a puppy lost in a maze. The standard
three or four guys with nothing better to do on a Sunday than hang
out at the parts counter ( okay! It's a stereotype, but I swear it's
true!!!)and see what turns up, eyed us speculatively. Finally the
counter guy approached and asked Jim, not looking at me,what we
were looking for.
"Do you have any 3M fine grit, polishing compound. Liquid, not
paste?" I ask. Still not Looking at me, the guy shows Jim where the
polish is.
"Perfect!" I reply, placing it on the counter. The human fixtures
holding up the counter elbow Jim knowingly saying,"Eh! The Little
lady's got your day planned, huh?" As if absorbing the concentrated
straight testosterone Jim does that neanderthal man thing
again,"Yup! The Little Lady's got me working!!!" and when we get
out to the car I whap him on the arm.

R

-

•'•

Quality Vacation Accommodations For Womyn
In the Heart of the Sleeping Bear Dunes Nat'! Parle
502 E. Eighth Street• Traverse City. Ml 49686
Open Barn to Midnight Mon-Fri
Saturday 10-5 • Sunday 12-5
616-947-1965 • Fax 616-9474724

NE'IWORKING 45° NORTH

PO Box 457

-7-

Cjlen Arbor Ml 49636

(616) 334-3346

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(Stereotypes continued from previous page)

"What's up with that? Did you want me to tell them you had
your Hoover all polished and ready to go?"
"Ow!" Jim replies, rubbing the place where I hope a bruise turns
up in a day or two."I dunno. What was I supposed to say?"
"Don't be doing that straight man thing!Sheesh! It gives me
the creeps."
To his credit my brother did redeem himself. He was on the golf
course with 3 other gay guys, none of whom knew each other very
well. As the conversation progressed it turned out they all had lesbian sisters. Casually, one of the guys mentioned his sister was a
star basketball player when she attended college. One of the other
guys mentioned his sister had played varsity softball, the other guy's
sister had been a rugby player. Jim piped up and said,"Chris was the
only female in her college wrestling class."
At the next hole, one of the guys said his sister worked for UPS.
"Mine delivers auto parts."
"Mine drives a service van for AT&T."
Jim proudly announced I operated a bulldozer.
Afew holes later Jim asked what kind of vehicles the sisters all
drove: one had a Toyota, one had a Subaru, one had a 4 wheel drive
vehicle. Jim fudged and said I owned a semi, a Peterbilt, to be
exact.
At the last hole one of the players announced his sister had just
finished painting their Mom's entire house. Another said his sister
had reroofed their Mom's house. The third guy said his sister had
trimmed trees for their Mom. They looked at Jim expectantly and
from his par 3 putt he answered,"My sister rented a backhoe and put
in new drain tiling all the way around Mom's house."
Well you can see where all this one upmanship went.
I suppose the biggest surprise about gay men and lesbian women
came for me one day when I walked into a bar after a long day at the
utility company. The water hole had been deeper than usual and
muckier than usual and the backhoe operator ( not me this time)
had snagged the gas. There I stood in mud up to my ass waiting two
hours while the consumer power guys came from another job. The
two repair guys for the gas company were friendlier than usual and
made quick work of the repair. Nevertheless we had to work late and
I was dog-tired. So when I arrived at the local gay hangout for a
beer, lo and behold were my two gas boys. Two gas, gay boys.
They grinned like we were old buddies and low fived me and
said,"We kind of figured .. "
"Well, I didn't." I confessed."You totally blew past my gaydar."
"You had your mind on other things." one of them remarked,
motioning me to sit and have a beer with them. The other one
looked me over, eyeing the same blue clay he wore on his work
jeans."Dontchya just hate the way this adds five extra pounds to our
figures?" he asked me.
Maybe the thing with stereotypes is they're a lot like words: You
can think you know what they mean until you investigate.

local e s
Notes from the Theatre Stage
by Charles Westerfield

The Only Thing Worse You Could Have Told Me came to NMC's
theatre stage in October. Directed and performed by Chris Franklin,
it is a series of fourteen monologues written and originally performed by Dan Butler. Butler is noted to be the one of the only out
gay actors who has gained national attention. Readers might recognize Butler from his role on the popular show Frasier as the disc
jockey/radio talk show host, Bulldog. The Only Thing Worse ... is a
collection of monologues of characters that deal with various issues
that many of us can relate to such as coming out, building an intimate relationship with that "special person", confronting homophobia
and losing best friends to AIDS. The title comes from a monologue
of a son reflecting on his broken relationship, which is finally on the
mend, with his father.
The performance, approximately an hour and a half long, is filled
with scenes that make the audience laugh at the every day reality of
being gay/lesbian at the same time as offering us an opportunity to
reflect on that which is important in our lives - our friendships with
one another and our loved ones. The monologue that Chris describes
as his favorite is the last one of the performance. In this monologue, we meet Leslie. Leslie is a volunteer who takes meals to persons
with AIDS. In the course of his volunteering, he meets a gentleman
named JB. The audience is privileged to observe the transformation
that Leslie undergoes during his time with JB. Leslie starts out very
skeptical about the situation he finds himself in, but by the end of
the monologue, we see how Leslie has formed a very special relationship with JB. In fact, Leslie recognizes that he has fallen, at
least on some level, in love with JB. He recognizes that JB has come
to be held in a very special place in his heart. And when JB passes
away, Leslie realizes thatJB has taught him many important lessons
that he can use later in life.
Chris comes to NMC from the Ann Arbor area. He is studying
theatre and communications and "The Only Thing Worse" ... was Chris'
NMC directorial debut. However, Chris is no stranger to the stage.
Performing and acting since early high school, Chris has been featured in and directed many different productions throughout high
school and professionally on tour. Before coming to NMC, Chris toured
17 states for four months performing with a national troupe of actors who share his passion for the performing arts.
Chris was originally approached last fall by Jill Beauchamp, NMC's
director of theatre, to direct the mainstage production for Fall, 1998.
Chris used The Only Thing Worse ... as a learning experience for not
only himself but also for the students that he would be directing in
Days in the Life. The first production not only gave Chris some more
valuable stage experience, but it also provided an opportunity to
the students he would directing in Days an opportunity to see the
results of his directorial vision and practice since The Only Thing

(Notes- continued on next page)
NElWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Pmaerty

pf the Ce,..r,;.,;.toli,\,r_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

Worse... only features one actor and Chris filled that role as well.
The Only Thing Worse ... served not only practical purposes for Chris.
It was also an experience of personal growth and gratitude. Chris is
very mindful that the theatre community was the first to embrace
him fully. He saw his direction, production and performance of The
Only Thing Worse ... as a love letter back to the theatre community
as a very personal thank you.
Chris is not finished with his directing experiences this semester yet either. He is busy directing a group of NMC students in a
production that will take the stage in early December entitled Days
In the Life. Days ... is an original collection of short scenes and
monologues arranged by Chris that will highlight young adults and
their experiences in building interpersonal relationships.
Chris is very excited about "Days in the Life" because not only
is it material that the younger NMC theatre students can relate to
since it focuses on young adults. Most of the pieces are from the
Young Playwrights of the Walden Theatre Conservatory in Kentucky.
Most of these playwrights are in their teens. He hopes that the
parents of the many students come to the performance to see another perspective that they might have forgotten about, that is,
what it's like to be young and building interpersonal relationships.
Also included in this production are two pieces by David Ives entitled "Sure Thing" and "English Made Simple", both of which also
focus on the experiences of young adults. He picked thts theme to
follow because he feels that is an easy theme for theatre students to
portray since it is close to their real lives.
Outside of the theatre, Chris also serves as the Vice President to
Triangles and Rainbows, NMC's gay and lesbian student group. Also,
as a new journey, He is serving as a resident assistant in one of
NMC's residence halls (also known as "dorms", but don't call them
that around people involved with residence life!) Chris hopes to
continue acting and performing a very long time. However, he also
hopes to focus on the preservation of human rights, especially for
young adults. Chris is a vocal advocate of human rights. He feels
very strongly that his roles as an activist and performing artist can
complement each other many different ways. He is particularly focused on how important it is that roles models are for our youth. He
doesn't feel that there are enough of them. He greatly values the
support that he received from the theatre community as he continues on his life long journey of coming out. He feels that he is called
to offer a hand to those who come after him, just as those who
came before him gave their him their support. While he doesn't
believe in the practice of outing anyone, he does firmly believe that
closeted gay actors have much more to gain by coming out than by
staying in the closet. Chris is in his second year at NMC. Because he
was just named a new resident assistant, he plans on staying at NMC
for a third year. He is looking forward to continuing his studies both
at NMC and beyond.
Days in the Life is coming to the stage December 3,4,5 and
10, 11, and 12th. It will take place in the theatre in the Science and
Math Building, Room 217. Cost is only $3 for students and $5 for
community members.

Club Flamingo: A Tribute
T. Neil Hilton

Recently, the deluge of anti-gay speech, actions and symbolic
gestures has increased to an extent unseen in recent memory. This
is made all the worse when one considers the great strides our community has made over the past twenty years. The gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender movement is haltingly making progress.
We have achieved much - yet have even greater challenges ahead.
Within the space of a few weeks a powerful leader of our country disparaged us horribly, a young gay man was crucified, religious
fanatics have denied being accomplices to murder, hate mongers
have called for the execution of all gay people and common sense
has been swept under the rug.
This is all the more demoralizing when one observes our
community's internal devisiveness. Such as when one of our most
respected national organizations endorses the election to high public office of a member of the opposing team.
This was my state of mind early this evening.
Then, tonight, as with almost every Thursday for the past seven
years, I went to a bar in Pontiac with several of my good friends.
The bar is called Club Flamingo and it's proprietor is Reginald Doyon
(Reggie).
The Club Flamingo has been a bar in Pontiac for over thirty
years. Up until eight years ago it's clientel was the workers of
Pontiac's automobile factories. In 1990, Reggie purchased the bar
with his retirement money. Initially, he ran it as he bought it, as a
"straight" bar.
In his second year of ownership, Reggie had accummulated
enough money to take a chance at serving the glbt community in an
establishment far removed from most of gay Detroit. When I first
went to Reggie's, the bar was in horrible shape, it was in a very bad
section of town and we couldn't believe that anyone could think
that a gay bar would be successful under such circumstances.
Since that time, Reggie has reinvested all of his money back
into the bar. Slowly and patiently, he tore out walls, improved the
parking lot, put in landscaping and bought the vacant houses that
surrounded his business. He didn't tear down those houses, he
remodled them and opened them up to glbt people that needed a
place to rent.
(Club Flamingo continued on page 12)

nrr:w

Jraverse

=!!!!!!!!!!b=:r;;;...

l~ri7tors
Carolyn R. Delo
Sales & Leasing
Phone 616/946-5540 • Fax 616/946-0258

1301 S. Garfield Road • Traverse City, MI 49686
Toll Free 800/678-6968 • www.traversemotors.com

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

IcC I L ~ § s

TI JF TI IE ] [ )) s

All classified announcements are run without charge. Please email
them to <tux00l@aol.com>,submit them in writing to Friends North,
or call 616-271-3042 and leave the advertisement on the answering
machine - along with a contact phone number.

PERSONALS:
ME: Large, rugged, educated, somewhat cultured, nurturing, ex-soldier

and sometimes-activist. Mid 30's; HiV-neg; . Avid gardener, motorcyclist
and new to area. YOU: colledge educated preferred but not req'd.,
adventuresome, independent. Not Too: Fat, thin, drunk, etc., or otherwise
unbalanced . HiV-neg gay male. US: Let's see what amazing things we can
pull off together. Write to Bob Buck, 7 Bowerman Rd., Manistee, MI 49660
(issue 1)
21 year old crossdresser who wants to be transgendered. Outgoing; enjoys
long walks, biking, movies. Looking for a roommate and long term
relationship. Write to 1627 Woodward Avenue, Traverse City, MI 49684 947-1330 (issue 4)

HOUSING:
Room for rent in brand new home: 10 minutes from town. Large bedroom

with double closet, bathroom with large garden tub and skylight. Kitchen
and laundry privileges. Looking for clean, professional, responsible,
nonsmoker. $300/mo. includes all utilities except L.D. phone. Call Kirk,
days@ 935-1888, evenings@ 943-7879 or e-mail to: DESIGNS5@aol.com.
(issue4)

ONGOING ANNOUNCEMENTS
QUESTIONS ABOUT HIV AND AIDS? Call locally 24 hours a day to 947-1110.

This program is sponsored by the HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks Grand Traverse
Area and is staffed by Third Level Crisis Center volunteers. (Issue 5)
REPORT HATE CRIMES!! Call The Triangle Foundation at 1-888-442-9287.
(ongoing)
GRAND TRAVERSE COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT: Their Reproductive
Health Clinic is open to women and men of all ages. Confidential services
provided are physical exams, HIV counseling and testing, pregnancy
testing, sexual transmitted disease testing and treatment, all methods of
birth control available, FREE Norplants, Depo-Provera, IUDs, and Condoms.
For more info about these and other methods which are charged on a sliding
fee scale, call 922-4630. Services are by appointment only. (issue 1)

GROUPS:
FRIENDS NORTH MEETINGS: The Friends North Board meets on the first

Tuesday of each month (Except August) at 6:30 p.m. at Grace Episcopal
Church, corner of Washington and Boardman Streets, across from the Old
Courthouse. ALL ARE WELCOME (ongoing)
FRIENDS NORTH TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE: This support group includes
crossdressers, tanssexuals, transgendered and those somewhere in
between. Meetings are held monthly at Third Level in Traverse City.
Spouses, friends, and S/O's are also invited to attendin this smoke/alcohol
free environment. Call 616-946-1804 for more information. (ongoing)
COMMON VOICES-THE FRIENDS NORTH RAP GROUP is a group of men and
women who get together monthly for informal discussion, often on a
particular topic. Please join us on the 2nd Wednesday of every month at
Grace Episcopal Church, 349 Washington, T.C., at 7:30pm. For information,
call Tom at 275-6127. (ongoing)
GLSEN, the Gay-Lesbian-Straight Education Network, is meeting monthly
in Traverse City. They welcome all interested educators. For more
information, call M'Lynn at 943-5050. (ongoing)

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

I

P-FLAG: (Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays.) This is a
network of parents, friends, and families of lesbians and gays who meet
monthly to offer information, support, and a place to talk with others about
the issues concerning them. Gays and Lesbians are also welcome and
encouraged to attend P-FLAG meetings. Meet at Grace Episcopal Church
every third Wednesday of the month, at 7:30 pm. For more information call
Patrice Stewart at 933-6628( ongoing)
WINDFIRE: This is a local youth support group for teens and others under
the age of 25, which meets on a weekly basis in an atmosphere that is
comfortable and friendly. Please contact Third Level at 922-4800 or 1-800442-7315 for location, date and time. (ongoing)
OUT 'N ABOUT is a lesbian coffeehouse featuring entertainment as well
as a chance to meet others from the area. It all happens at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Rd. in T.C. Please see the Out 'n About calendar elsewhere in
this newsletter for times and specific activities. (ongoing)
TRIANGLES AND RAINBOWS: Agroup of lesbian, gay, straight and bisexual
students at NMC who together believe that celebrating diversity is
fundamental to a healthy community and future. To help or participate
contact T&R at 922-1512 or email at <t_and_r_group@hotmail.com>
(ongoing)
TRAVERSE CITY FRONTRUNNERS If you are interested in running, call
Jim or Kirk at 933-5250 and leave your name, number, and that you are
interested in Frontrunners. He will return your call with information on
where to meet. All ages and abilities are welcome. (ongoing)
WELLNESS NETWORKS SUPPORT GROUP is for people with HIV or
AIDS and they welcome you to attend. Please drop in Monday evenings from
6:00 to 7:30 pm at the Grace Episcopal Church library at 341 Washington in
Traverse City. Every fourth Monday of the month the Significant-Other
Support Group will be meeting at 3301 Veterans Drive, Suite 221, just north
of S. Airport Road . For further information, please call 933-0279. (ongoing)
NORTHERN MICHIGAN WOMYN'S CHOIR is always looking for new
voices. To obtain more information or for a performance schedule, please
contact Deb at 276-9357. (ongoing)
GAY ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Meetings for gays and lesbians are
held each Wednesday at 5:30 pm and Saturday at 11:00 am at Grace
Episcopal Church, corner Washington and Boardman Streets in TC. For
further info, call John at 922-0746 or Hilda at 938-9294. (ongoing)
RAINBOW FRIENDS-ALPENA reaches out to lesbians, gays, bisexual and the
transgendered in the NE Michigan area. Individuals in the region should
feel free to call 517-354-0841 and contact me (Brad Vauter) for more
information. Informal pot-luck type gatherings are generally held monthly
in Alpena. In addition, occasional field trips are sometimes planned by
interested participants.(issue 4)
THE PETOSKEY GROUP: A social group for lesbian, gay and bi-sexual
persons is meeting weekly in Petoskey. The group meets at 6:30 p.m.
Wednesdays at the Noggin Room in the Perry Hotel. For information please
contact Tim at 616-348-8151 (ongoing)
THE UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST CONGREGATION-PETOSKEY is
meeting at the Concord Academy, 2230 East Mitchell St. Services are held
on the first and third Sundays of the month at 11 a.m. Please call 347-8916
for details or write POB 873, Petoskey, MI 49770-0873 (Issue 5)
H.A.N.D.S-PETOSKEY is an HIV/AIDS Network located north of Traverse
City. They are currently seeking volunteers in the northern lower peninsula
and eastern upper peninsula of Michigan. HANDS is a non-profit
organization that has committed itself to helping and supporting the needs
of HIV infected persons. They offer a number of services, including support
groups, education, public awareness, and one-on-one friendship support.
Volunteers are urgently needed in the Alpena, Gaylord, and Rogers City
areas. If you would be interested in the program, please call 616-526-9213.
(ongoing)

- 10 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Thanks for the recent note about ceasing mailing the newsletter
to non-supporting members. After the death of my friend Jigger
Johnson, I stopped visiting the Traverse City area. It has been a
great means of staying in touch with one of my favorite parts of the
country and some of the friends I made when I used to visit in the
summers. I certainly understand the financial constraints of a mailing to people who do not maintain a membership, as I am the treasurer
of the Houston Lesbian & Gay Community Center here in Houston.
Keep up the good work & when I am able I will send a donation.
Thanks. Patrick McKee

us. (The whole idea that we are willing to hide has become increasingly
disturbing to me. Try replacing "known homosexual" with "known person
of color'' or "an admitted Hispanic.") Another thing I have learned is that
communication from the at-large community remains a powerful vehicle
for change. Athird lesson is that we cannot expect or effect change if we
are uninvolved and invisible. The FN cards address a wide range of social
and political issues and provide a quick and easy way to assert ourselves
as members of the gay/lesbian community.
It is for these reasons that I am enclosing a contribution to FN to be
used in part for postcards in the next issue of NETWORKING ... , and as a
50% contribution for postcards in each of two subsequent issues which I
hope will be matched by other members of FN.-Peter King.

To members of Friends North,
I am always interested to receive NETWORKING ... , even though I am
in northwestern lower Michigan for only a few months each year. I have
been disappointed to see that for several issues, there have been no
postcards. My work in recent years on PACs and other involvements with
gay political organizations in the large east-coast city where I spend
much of my year has convinced me that the FN postcards are a valuable
vehicle in our struggle for legal, financial, and social equaity. Taking
Senaotrs to dinner, Congressmen to lunch, feting States' Attorneys General at the Union League, and attending the endless round of
congratulatory-cum-fund-raising cocktail parties have come to seem in
my judgement, uselessly self-celebratory and an ineffective way to reform either public opinion or policy regarding gay issues. In contrast, the
FN postcards provide direct feedback to persons making and influencing
policies that relate to gay issues across the political, occupational, and
social spectrum. FN identifies the issue, the person to contact and provides the text. for $4.00 in ostage and your signature, you can have a
voice on 20 gay issues each year!
One of the things that I have learned during my recent years of
political involvement is that it is not enough to come out to family,
friends, and colleagues, people who generally already know and accept

Gratitude
I wish to thank all in the gay community who have supported
me in so many ways the past few months as I continue to heal well
from brain surgery. life is void of meaning without friends and loved
ones. Having worked in hospitals, one is given a whole new perspectives on life when lying flat on your own back, totally entrusting
your very life to strangers and a Higher Power. My firm belief in a
spiritual afterlife removed the fear of death. Nonetheless, it felt
damn good to walk out of that hospital on my own two feet! It
wasn't time to say goodbye to Planet Earth yet.
However, I had time to ponder the lives of so many young ones
that I have said goodbye to over the years that were not able to
leave their hospital beds except via the hearse, often die to AIDs,
addiction, or suicide. Indeed, how all too short and precious life can
be. They have just gone on ahead of me. I still have much unfinished business on this side to complete before I join them.
Although change is in the wind, I find that support in times of
need or crisis continues to come primarily from within our own
ranks, thus making more compassion and less judgement essential.
Letters continued next page

B AT I C

Professional
custom picture
framing
801 W. Front St.

Traverse City, Ml 49684
Todd McMillen
proprietor

Ca.ARLES WESTERFIELD
President

941-8255
P.O. Box 2057

Trav<;rse City, MI 42685

326 East Front Street
Traverse City, MI 49684
616-947-8908

NETWORKING 45° NORTH

Phbnei 616.946.3154
t Fai§J6.946.30S0

Mark Lizenby

- 11 -

WWWibatic.com
chktl~@batic.com

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

Letters continued from previous page

Club Flamingo continued from page 9

Most significantly, however, was Reggie's refusal to hide what
the bar was. A few years ago he installed three very tall flag poles:
two that flew a rainbow flag and one in the middle that sported the
American flag. Mind you, this powerful symbol of gay pride is placed
front-and-center on one of the busiest streets in Pontiac and Oakland County.
Robert G. Clayton
As you can thus surmise, he maintained the visibility of his glbt
business
at great risk. His bar has been shot at several times by
Doug Bradley's beating was barbaric
shotgun
wielding
thugs and a cowardly pipsqueek dispensed a tear
To all of my neighbors, residents of Northern Michigan, and all who
gas
canister
inside
the bar one New Year's eve. Granted this was
claim to believe in a power greater than themselves.
several
years
ago
and
rarely still occurs, but Reggie's preserverance
Doug Bradley is a dear friend of mine. I saw Doug last Sunday, as I
usually do, and discovered he had been brutally attacked. A couple of shone through.
In addition to being a place where "everyone knows your name",
drunken fiends followed Doug home. I asked Doug why someone would
the
Flamingo was also the place where Scott Amedure earned his
do this to him. With a saddened smile, Doug replied' "Well, haven't you
living.
Scott's death, the event's that swirled around his passing and
heard'? ... I'm gay." I sunk into my chair. My heart was just broken for him.
Reggie's
support of his defense again bespoke of great resilience.
My friend explained he had been savagely beaten by two homophobics,
From
the very beginning, Reggie instituted show night on
as another person watched. I felt just sickened. Appalled. Disgusted.
Thursday's
and consistently delivers a good time to all of us in North
How unbelievably horrifying; to be v viciously beaten because of sexual
Oakland County. For many of those years his host has been Aura Lee.
orientation that differs from another.
Before beginning tonight's show, Aura Lee walked out onto the
Yes, my dear friend is a gay man. A gay man who is a wonderful
stage
and made an anouncement that lifted the spirits of everyone
person to many. A man who has numerous friends who love him. A man
in
the
bar. Tommorrow evening, Reginald Doyon and the Club Flawho is fun and funny. A man I like to he around. A man who does not
mingo,
at the Pontiac Silverdome, in front of the citizens of Pontiac
approach heterosexual men in a homosexual manner Why would he?
and
from
the mayor of the City of Pontiac, will recieve Pontiac's
"You, Homophobes," you do not have what Doug wants. "You" do
annual
business
beautification of the year award.
not have the love and compassion Doug seeks. The same love and comHe
has
invested
thousands of dollars into the gentrification of the
passion that radiates from his smile and pounds from his heart. So, flatter
area surrounding his business. An area that was filled with abandoned
yourselves no more. Do not be afraid.
The only thing my friend may want from "you' is the inherent right to be houses and nefarious activities is now a space of pride and beauty.
Reggie is a shy person. One rarely sees his name unless its on
treated as a human being, with dignify worthy of every right granted to all
a
check
carrying a modest donation to a glbt or AIDS organization.
Doug was beaten with a rocker in early October. He suffered a broken
Throughout
the year, Reggie, along with Aura Lee and the rest of his
nose, lacerations and bruises to his beautiful face, loose teeth (which he
staff,
raises
hundreds of dollars for our community.
had to grind back into place), bruised ribs, shoulders and back, and
And,
tommorrow
night, a glbt person is going to be recognized
emotional anguish no one should endure. 1 hurt for my friend. Doug was
by
Pontiac,
that
bastion
of blue collar values, for his rather mainsimply walking home.
To his assailants, shame on you and may justice be expedient to you stream contribution to the improvement of that community.
In light of this, one can't help but think about people like Matboth for your ignorance, intolerance, bigotry, and barbaric behavior.
thew
Shepard, Harvey Milk, Allan Gilmour, Sandy Berris, Jan
Too many people consume precious time with prejudices and intolerStevenson,
Tom Guiseppe, Ellen Degeneres, Susan Horowitz, Jeff
ance. Unfortunate for some of you, because I know a great man; I have a
Montgomery,
Howard Israel, Ginger Ward, Jeff Phillips, Henry Messer,
great friend.
Bill
Thomas,
Carl House, Cindy Woodbury, Cornelius Wilson, Sean
Christy K Dunham • Traverse City
Kosofsky,
Jim
Domanski, Elizabeth Birch and everyone at HRC, Leon
(Reprinted from, October 28, Northern Express
It's so important to let others know personally that they are valued.
Share a smile, laugh, or tear. Make a call, write a letter, hold a hand,
sit with someone'. Continue to make those human contacts. It doesn't
matter if they seem to go unreturned. It's the giving that counts.
Above all, never give up, for who knows what marvelous surprise is waiting just around the next bend. Thanks again to all.

ANDREW

L.

••

MITCHELL

ACCREDITED BUSINESS ACCOUNTANT

PHONE (616) 947-4270
FAX (616) 947-6497

r.:::.D
~

fawcett • dopke agency. inc.
814-A SOUTH

GARFIELD

TRAVERSE CITY,

MI 49686

WWW.ALMITCHELL.COM

NE1WORKING 45° NORTH

735 SOUTH GARFIELD AVE, TRAVERSE CITY, Ml 49686-3471

(616) 947-1492
FAX (616) 935-3949

PHONE

LINDA L. WIKLE

ANDY@ALMITCHELL.COM

- 12 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Annual

(O)RTH

f'

WiV1te. R pCf RtY
Sunday, February 28, 1999
1 P.M. to 5 P.M.

Bailey's Warming Hut
Village of Suttons Bay
(Call Kirk at 933-5250 for directions)
Come enjoy the
2nd Annual Friend's North Board Chili Cook-off
(You'll get to vote on the best chili!)
Bring a dish to pass!

Don't forget to bring your sleds, skis, snowshoes,
or any other FUN TOYS to play in the snow!

Club Flamingo continued from page 12

Matthews, George Fadiga, Henry Grix, Kerry Lobel and everyone at
NGLTF, Rob Fetzer, Joy Geng, Michaelangelo Signorole, Jay Sennet,
Craig Covey, Alan DeWolf, everyone at Lambda, David Geffen, Fred
Hochberg, Ambassador Hormel, Steve Gunderson, Michele Marquis,
John Sonego, David Adamany, Brooke Glaefke, Mike & Jan Nuebecker
and everyone at P/FLAG, GLSTN, Donna RedWing, Tom Dixie, Michael
Lary, Jay Sen net, Nikki Stevens, Beth Heaton, Chris Colb, Jim Gibbs,
Urvashi Vaid, NCAVP and the hundreds of thousands of gays (and
straights) that, in various ways, push our movement forward.
When I was leaving the Flamingo this evening, I found Reggie
at his usual place by the door telling everyone to "Drive safely". I
grabbed his hand and congratulated him on this great thing. He
responded by smiling and saying, "Yes dear, it's pretty nice."
Please take a moment to think about Reggie, his bar, his staff
and his customers and what they have contributed to our movement. Also please take a moment to congratulate him. Although he
doesn't have e mail, he can be reached at: Club Flamingo, 352
Oakland Avenue, Pontiac MI 48342.
T. Neil Hilton - TNHilton@aol.com

by Dan Savage

When Christian conservative groups began buying ads in newspapers and on television promoting the "ex- gay" movement-men
and women who claim to have "freed themselves" from the "gay
lifestyle," if not from gay desire, by accepting Jesus Christ-the
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force called the campaign a "kinder,
gentler homophobia." Ostensibly -directed at gays and lesbians, these
ex-gay ads seemed positively benign when compared to the rhetoric
American gays and lesbians are typically subjected to.
In fact, the campaign was hard to take seriously: Many gays
and lesbians have already accepted Jesus Christ and most gay Christians believe Jesus Christ accepts them-as gays and lesbians;
"ex-gay" or reparative therapy has never been proven effective and
is rejected as harmful by all mainstream mental-health organizations and professionals; and ex-gay ministries, including Seattle-based
Exodus International, can't minister to gays and lesbians -who aren't
interested in "escaping" homosexuality. What harm could these ads
do?
A considerable amount, as we're beginning to realize. Gays and
lesbians were never the true target of the ex-gay campaign and its
"message of salvation." The target from the beginning has been
straight Americans, and the message is not that Jesus Christ loves
gays and lesbians, or that there is "hope for healing" people who
are not ill, but that gay and lesbian Americans should simply not be
gay or lesbian. The ongoing ex-gay campaign implicitly argues that
gay and lesbian Americans don't have to exist-if we would only
give ourselves to Jesus Christ we could be straight.

There is nothing kind or gentle about this message: This is an
effort to spread a more deadly new form of homophobia through
American society. By arguing that the only thing standing between
a world free of - homosexuality-a world free of homosexual peopleare stubborn gays and lesbians, by arguing that we don't have to
exist, the ex-gay campaign implicitly argues gays and lesbians have
no right to exist.
American Christian conservatives are attempting to introduce a
new kind of anti-gay hatred: an eliminationist In his book Hitler's
Willing Executioners:: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust," author
Daniel Gold hagen describes pre-war German anti-Semitism as unique
and murderous, which he termed "eliminationist." German Christian
churches inspired visions of Jews as "Christ-killers," and Jews came
to be regarded as a poisonous anti-race that had to be eliminated in
order to purify German culture. In America at the end of the 20th
century, some American churches are creating an atmosphere of intolerance and hatred, with church-inspired visions of gays and
lesbians as Christ-rejecters, and homosexuality as a "behavior'' that
must be eliminated to purify American culture.
The distance is short between arguing that gays and lesbians as
a group have no rig~t to exist and someone taking it on himself to
end the existence of an individual gay or lesbian person. Homosexual] behavior cannot be eliminated without eliminating
homosexual people. Few gays and lesbians are interested in subjecting ourselves to "reparative therapy" quacks, and the vast majority
of us are happy as homosexuals, with no interest in becoming "exgay."
Matthew Shepard, the 22 year-old student tortured and murdered last week in Wyoming, was happy to be gay, had many close
friends, and a family
that loved him. And
Matthew Shepard no
longer exists, a victim
of eliminationist homophobia . While not
the first person in
America attacked or
murdered for being gay
or lesbian-a man in
Chicago remains in a
coma after a brutal attack last summer that
"Jwr.tly.flJmJ!p,wrir~pt,,pk&tt!"T~I.Alt,
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ex-gay man.
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of eliminationist ho=·-=--- - =:-- ~
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(Homophobia continued next page)

NElWORKING 45° NORTH

- 13 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

(Homophobia continued from previous page)

Chaplain's Reflection

anti-gay ad campaigns. Money that could have gone to house, feed
or provide health care for the poor-people Jesus Christ explicitly
A message from The Rt. Rev. Steven Charleston, Chaplain,
ordered his followers to look after-has instead been poured into
to
the
whole Trinity College (Hartford, Conn., USA) community...
hateful and expensive ad campaigns promoting eliminationist homophobia (full page ads in The New York Times do not come cheap).
I saw on the news today that Matthew Shepard died. He was the
One "pro-family" ex-gay ad encourages parents to reject their
22
year
old man from Wyoming who was beaten and tortured and
gay children. Matthew Shepard's parents did no such thing, rushing
left
to
die
for no reason other than he was a homosexual.
from Saudi Arabia (where Matthew's father works as an oil rig inspecThis
tragic
murder has raised a national debate again, the kind
tor) to their son's hospital bed. Matthew's parents arrived in Wyoming
in time to watch their son die of wounds inflicted by men who took of periodic soul-searching our society goes through whenever a crime
the American Family Association, Christian Coalition and Family Re- of hate startles us into awareness. The burning of Black churches,
search Council at their word: Matthew had no right to be gay, no right the bombing of innocent people, the death of a shy young man from
Wyoming: these events suddenly shake us out of complacency and
to exist, and so they kidnapped, tortured and murdered him.
Steven Schwalm from the Family Research Council, one of the remind us that fear, prejudice and rage are always the shadows just
organizations behind the ex-gay ad campaign, said in USA Today beyond the light of our reason. And so, people suddenly start to
that while he has "regret that the incident occurred," no one should speak out. There are voices of outrage and grief. Voices of sorrow
blame his organization simply because it opposes "homosexual ac- and demands to know why such a thing could happen. And predictibly,
tivity." But it is not possible to oppose and stigmatize homosexual there are also defensive voices:
The governor of Wyoming trying to explain why his state has no
activity without also stigmatizing homosexuals. Homosexuals are
laws
to protect people from hate crimes and the leadership of what
not an activity anymore than Jews or blacks or women are an activis
called
the Christian "right wing" trying to explain why their naity. We are people, people who happen to be gay. Homosexuality is
tional
ads
against homosexuality don't influence people to commit
not contagious, so there is no need for pro-family organizations to
such
violence
against gays and lesbians.
"oppose" us. Nor are we a threat to families: like Matthew, we are a
In the days to come, these many voices will fill our media and
part of our families.
the
cultural
consciousness it imprints until we are once again lulled
Christian conservatives have attempted to distance themselves
into
the
more
familiar patterns of our lives, dozing off as a nation
from the violence visited on Matthew Shepard. They must not be
until
the
next
tragedy
rings the alarm of despair.
allowed to do c so Conservatives like to talk about accountability,
As
the
chaplain
for
our own community, I would like to invite
so let the reliigous extremists who help make anti-gay violence a
us
all
to
consider
Matthew's
death in another way. Not through the
daily reality for gays and lesbians across this country be held acclamour
or
denials,
not
through
the shouts or cries of anger: but
countable. The violence in Laramie is a deadly consequence of the
rather,
through
the
silence
of
his
death, the silence of that young
hateful anti-gay rhetoric and eliminationist "ex-gay" ad campaigns.
man
hanging
on
his
cross
of
pain
alone
in the emptiness of a WyoFred Phelps, the pastor of a church in Kansas, picketed Shepard's
funeral today. Phelps and his followers have been protesting the funer- ming night, the silence that ultimately killed him as surely as the
als of gay men for nearly a decade. At Shepard's funeral, they intended beatings he endured.
Silence killed Matthew Shepard. The silence of Christians who
to carry signs that read "No Tears for Queers" and "Fag Matt in Hell"
know
that our scriptures on homosexuality are few and murky in
The actions of Phelps and his followers-the celebration of the elimiinterpretation
and far outweighed by the words of a savior whose
nation of a gay man-arc not a distortion of the religious light's position
only
comment
on
human relationships was to call us to never judge
on homosexual people but a distillation of it.
but
only
to
love.
The
silence of well-meaning educated people who
Dan Savage is a columnist and assodate editor at
The Stranger, a Seattle weekly paper pretend to have an enlightened view of homosexuality while quietly
tolerating the abuse of gays and lesbians in their own communities.

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

The silence of our elected officials who have the authority to make
changes but prefer to count votes. The silence of the majority of
"straight" Americans who shift uncomfortably when confronted by
the thought that gays and lesbians may be no different from themselves, save for the fact that they are walking targets for bigotry,
disrespect, cheap humor, and apparently, of murder.
Crimes of hate may live in shouts of rage, but they are born in
silence. Here at Trinity, I hope we will all listen to that silence.
Before we jump to decry Matthew's senseless death or before we
seek to rationalize it with loud disclaimers: I hope we will just hear
the silence. A young man's heart has ceased to beat. Hear the silence of that awful truth. It is the silence of death. It is the silence
that descends on us like a shroud.
At Trinity, as in Wyoming, we are men and women surrounded
by the silence of our own fear. Our fear of those who are different.
Our fear of being identified with the scapegoat. Our fear of taking
an unpopular position for the sake of those who can not stand alone.
Our fear of social and religious change. Our fear comes in many
forms but it always comes silently. A whispered joke. A glance to
look away from the truth. A quick shake of the head to deny any
complicity in the pain of others. These silent acts of our own fear of
homosexuality are acted out on this campus every day just as they
are acted out every day in Wyoming. Through silence, we give ourselves permission to practice what we pretend to abhor. With silence,
we condemn scores of our neighbors to live in the shadows of hate.
In silence, we observe the suffering of any group of people who
have been declared expendable by our society.
As a person of faith, I will listen, as we all will, to the many
voices which will eulogize Matthew Shepard. I will carry that part of
our national shame on my shoulders. But I will also listen to the
silence which speaks much more eloquently still to the truth behind
his death. I will listen and I will remember. And I will renew my
resolve never to allow this silence to have the last word. Not for
Matthew. Not for gay men or lesbian women. Not for any person in
our society of any color or condition who has been singled out for
persecution. Not in my church. Not in my nation. Not in Wyoming.
And not at Trinity College.

erg

JOURNAL: Loving Him to Death
By FRANK RICH

We know Matthew Shepard in death. Now there's at least a fleeting image of him in life. Distraught about the murder in Wyoming,
Tim Kirkman, a young gay film maker, spent frantic days searching
his files, convinced that Matthew was among the interviewees who
didn't make it into the final version of his documentary about Jesse
Helms, "Dear Jesse," which Cinemax is showing in its "Reel Life"
series in January. "I was sick of seeing this split-rail fence everywhere," said Mr. Kirkman this week, as he described his ultimately
successful effort to unearth his 1996 video of an unbrutalized Matthew.
Mr. Kirkman let me view the tape - which will now be used in
a new epilogue to his film and should air on a TV news magazine
soon. It's very brief. But it's easy to understand why the director
starts to cry when talking about it. Matthew, at the time studying
acting at Catawba College in Salisbury, N.C., is just another slight,
soft-spoken underclassman on campus, politely stopping to answer
a stranger's questions about Senator Helms and politics. But he's
standing beside another student, who identifies himself as Matthew's
boyfriend and hugs him as he does so. Matthew exudes an open
American sweetness too. Asked by Mr. Kirkman if he thinks Jesse
Helms's homophobia "represents what most of North Carolinians feel,"
Matthew answers instantly and generously: "No."
He is surely right. Most Americans, in North Carolina or Wyoming or anywhere else, don't hate gay people. The countless vigils
for this murdered student in nearly every corner of the nation, bringing
people of all ages, political parties, sexual orientations and religious affiliations together in genuine grief, speak for themselves.
But the fact remains that there are political organizations in this
country, led by moneyed, hard-nosed tacticians posing as theologians, that are recklessly dedicated to fomenting fear of gay people
to scare up angry voters in an election year like this one. Should you
call them on their game, they wrap themselves in the mantle of
"love" - they "love the sinner," you see - and attack their critics
as Christian-bashers.
When I wrote last week about the latest efforts of these groups
to stigmatize gay people, the response was true to form. Gary Bauer,
the aspiring Republican Presidential candidate from the Family Research Council, took to the pages of a weekly Focus on the Family
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VOLUME 12 • !$SUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

A Soulforce Response to
Matthew Shepard's Murder

newsletter to assail me for trying to "silence" Christians, and to vow
that he would continue his ''Truth in Love" campaign to convert
homosexuals to the path of heterosexual truth. He wrote a similar
Letter to The Times.
Dr. Mel White
So much for the spin. Go to the Family Research Council's Web
site and you will find "homosexual activity" described - Lovingly,
Before we decide how to respond to the murder of our young
no doubt - as "Lethal and immoral behavior" unworthy of civil gay brother, Matthew Shepard, Let's remember another cruel and tragic
rights protection. Or turn to the October issue of Focus on the Family's death suffered by a young Jewish teacher almost 2,000 years ago.
slick magazine, Citizen - these organizations have publishing em- Both young men were condemned by political and religious Leaders.
pires to rival Conde Nast - and its article proselytizing for the Both were humiliated by their peers. Both were brutally bashed then
"ex-gay" movement. It tells the story of a father, Glen Hysom, who tied to wooden stakes and Left alone in the cold to die. Both deaths
Learns that his son, Tim, is gay. Recalling his anger at this revela- Leave us stunned as we witness again the unthinkable power of evil
tion, Mr. Hysom is quoted as saying that he considered blowing his at work among us. Now, we are Left with a very difficult choice: how
brains out and blowing his son's brains out. He goes on: "But I knew do we respond to that evil?
that would hurt all of us, too. So, 'I'll just go blow that guy's brains
Matthew Left us no Last words to guide our response to his death,
out that got Tim into the homosexual Lifestyle. That'd solve it all: but the Last words of Jesus are painfully clear: "Father, forgive them
Well, then I'd go to prison . So I couldn't do any of those things."
for they know not what they do." Forgive them? Was he joking?
A "happy" ending immediately follows - Tim is said to have
Forgive Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for (allegedly)
been healed by an ex-gay ministry, his brain purportedly intact kidnapping, robbing, beating, cutting, burning, and generally terbut the subtext is clear. The only reason presented for not blowing rorizing our 21-year-old gay brother before Lashing him to a wooden
out the brains of "that guy" who allegedly enlisted Tim into homo- ranch fence and smashing in his skull with a .357 magnum handsexuality is that you'd "go to prison."
gun?
Want some more Love? The Rev. D. James Kennedy's Coral Ridge
Forgive Pat Robertson, Jim Dobson D. James Kennedy, Jerry
Ministries, another sponsor of the ex-gay campaign, is on record Falwell and the other media preachers and talkshow hosts whose
saying "Adult sex with children has been a crucial component of the false and inflammatory anti-homosexual rhetoric flows into Wyohomosexual movement all along." And then there's my mail of the ming polluting the conscience of their Listeners from Casper to
past week. "Here comes Rich galloping to the rescue of fags again," Laramie?
wrote one of my many Loving correspondents. ''This Matthew guy
Forgive Gary Bauer and the Family I Research Council for an had the devil beat out of him and now his soul is free for redemp- nouncing on the day of Matthew's death a new barrage of "ex-gay"
tion, if possible." I guess I should be grateful to this prayerful television commercials implying that homosexuality is a sickness
reader for showing me the Light.
that can be cured and a sin that should be forgiven? Or Fred Phelps
reprinted from the NY Times 10/24/98
for marching on Matthew's funeral waving a sign that reads "God
Hates Fags" or "Execute Homosexuals"?
"Father, forgive them," Jesus said, and we recoil from his words
in anger and disbelief. Why should we forgive those who killed (or
NEWSWEEK, October 26, "Discerning clergymen and moralists can
those who by their words and actions helped incite the killing) of
hate the sin and love the sinner, but by the time the homophobic
our gay brother, Matthew? Why should we forgive our enemies at any
message reaches the angry guys sitting in the bar, that distinctime or in any place?
tion has been lost."
It was the question Indians asked Gandhi in South Africa and
India. It was the question black Americans asked King in Montgomery and in Memphis. It is the question we have asked our heroes and

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

sheroes through the ages. Why should we love (and thus forgive)
our enemies when it feels so much more reasonable to hate them?
Like Jesus, the Hindu lawyer and the Southern Baptist preacher
were determined to help end the cycle of hatred, violence and death
(and bring in the "beloved community") by demonstrating an active, militant, powerful kind of love. We could gain so much by
working even harder to understand and apply the Soulforce principles of Gandhi and King to our individual lives and to the life of
our liberation movement.
At the heart of Soulforce is the belief that we are all children of
a loving Creator. Those who killed Matthew (or who are complicit in
his death) are also God's children and thus our brothers and sisters,
estranged members of our own human family. Like Jesus, who blamed
his own death on the ignorance of those who killed him ("... they
know not what they do"), Gandhi and King saw their enemies as
"victims of misinformation" who could be liberated from their ignorance only by bringing them "truth in love relentlessly" even if it
means "absorbing the suffering without retaliation" that flows out
of their ignorance and fear.
However, absorbing the suffering does NOT mean refusing to
educate our brothers and sisters about avoiding danger or helping
them to defend themselves from harassment and physical violence.
And forgiving our adversaries does NOT mean remaining silent or
passive in the face of their misinformation campaigns against us.
To forgive Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney for murdering Matthew Shepard does NOT mean they should not be held responsible
for their crimes. However, the Soulforce call to "relentless nonviolent resistance" also means we must not be satisfied with one-night
vigils or angry media sound bites. "Relentless" means packing that
Wyoming courtroom every day of the trial to remind the world that
the death of one of the least of these, God's gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgendered children, will never again go unnoticed or unmourned.
At the same time, we should not hate Russell or Aaron for they
and their families, too, are victims of the ignorance about homosexuality and homosexuals that currently clouds the conscience of
this nation. We must confront that ignorance where we live, work,
play and worship, as Gandhi and King advise us, "with truth in love
relentlessly." We are not being "relentless" when we watch the battle
from the safety of our closets, when we refuse to take a stand against
the daily "little" injustices we encounter, when we remain silent in
the face of bigotry and intolerance.

To forgive Pat Robertson, Jim Dobson, D. James Kennedy, or
Jerry Falwell does NOT mean we allow them to continue their endless flood of false and inflammatory rhetoric against homosexuals
without confronting and condemning it. But we must not respond,
in King's words, "with violence of heart, tongue, or fist." Hating
Pat, Jim or Jerry will only increase the cycle of violence. Angry
letters or massive, one-day protests will not stop the flood of dangerous and deadly misinformation. To save another generation of
Matthew Shepards from the tragic consequences of the anti-homosexual rhetoric we must circle the outposts of intolerance in Virginia
Beach, Lynchburg, Colorado Springs, and across America. We must
fast, pray, and negotiate, and if they won't meet with us to discuss
our case against them, we must take direct nonviolent action against
them with the determination of the "salt marchers" at the Indian
Ocean or the courage of the black children who faced police dogs
and water hoses in Birmingham.
Our little brother, Matthew Shepard, is dead and we are left to
decide how we will handle our anger, our grief, and our frustration.
We'll stand together in silence at moving candlelight vigils. We'll
march together to protest and memorialize his death. We'll denounce
the anti-gay-rhetoric and those who use it to make money and mobilize voters and volunteers. Then what?
Gandhi and King call us to take seriously the principles of
Soulforce, of relentless nonviolent resistance. But they warn us that
we cannot begin that journey until we learn to love (and forgive)
our enemies. I don't know exactly what that means for our community but I'm afraid that we cannot be a part of the long-term solution
until we learn to love and forgive sincerely. Gandhi and King promise that once that truth dawns in us, we will know what we must do
next and we will discover the power to do it. i
In the meantime, I believe that Matthew Shepard's spirit has
been welcomed home by his loving Creator; that Matthew's undeserved suffering is helping to change the minds and hearts of the
nation; that his death has advanced the cause of truth and understanding far more than we will ever know; and that our young gay
brother who stood just five feet, two inches tall and weighed barely
one hundred pounds now stands in the company of giants, men and
women who died refusing to hate their oppressors.
Now, we must decide how we will honor Matt's memory. If love
doesn't conquer our anger, grief, and frustration, if we refuse to
forgive, we can reverse the gains that Matthew's death has brought

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VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

us and dishonor his memory in the process. But if we work to outlove our enemies, if we take the moral high ground and work
relentlessly to confront the untruth and end the cycle of anger and
violence, the victory will be ours.
If you are interested in joining our growing network of Soulforce
Friends or receiving our complimentary Sou[force News, fax us at
(949) 455-0959 or email us at RevMel@.aol.com or
www.melwhite.org.
For information about Soulforce Videos or for all other information write to Mel and Gary at: Soulforce, Inc., P.O. Box 4467, Laguna
Beach, CA. 92652

Frankenstein's Father
The public knew James Whale as the director of the classic
horror films "Frankenstein". (1931) and "Bride of Frnakenstein"
(1935). In Hollywood, he was known as one of the first openly gay
men. "He made no attempt to hide it, but to categorize him a a 'gay
pioneer' would be a distortion," says Sir Ian McKellen, who stars as
Whale in "Gods and Monsters," due out this week. The film covers
the tormented last months of Whale's life, which ended in 1957
with a suicide by drowning. Brendan Fraser co-stars as the young
object of Whale's desire.
McKellen-like James Whale, an openly gay Englishman-tells
us: "The point he makes in the film is, nobody gives a damn what
people get up to as long as they don't get it in the papers. Directors
don't get into the papers like actors do."

Assistance for Service members
We are pleased to announce the arrival of HuddleStone On-

line. HuddleStone Online is a new web site designed to help gay,
lesbian and bisexual Servicemembers, Veterans and their love ones
who have been affected by the Department of Defense's "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" sexual orientation policy. Servicemembers,
Veterans and others who visit 'HuddleStone.Com have access to a
wide variety of information on topics such as legal assistance, financial affairs, transition matters, health concerns, employment/
career management, education and more.
I invite you to visit HuddleStone On-line and share the news
about the service with those around you. As it is against the military's
policy for gay, lesbian and bisexual Servicemembers to publicly disclose their sexuality, we would appreciate your help in getting news
about HuddleStone Online to those who can benefit from it.
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Remarks As Prepared For
Delivery By Vice President Al
Gore
(Excerpts from the speech given on 9/19/98 at an HRC dinner.
Gore spoke much longer on the subject of discrimination
and his support of gay and lesbian people)

Let me say to all of you: I am proud to be here tonight. I want
to begin by congratulating HRC for your leadership - your tireless
commitment to equality and fairness - and your stunning success.
In 1996, HRC was active in nearly two hundred races across the
country - and 84 percent of your candidates won. Elizabeth - you
and I may have something to talk about a bit later on.
I come before you with a simple message: that the cause we
celebrate tonight is not some narrow, special interest. It is really
the cause that has defined this nation since its founding: to deepen
the meaning of fundamental fairness, to make real the promise of
our self-government, to build a good and just society on this bedrock principle: equal opportunity for all, special privileges for none.
If you believe in the basic dignity of every American - if you
live by our laws and live up to your responsibilities - then you can
share in the full promise of the greatest nation on this earth. And
that means all of you.
That is a purpose we did not fully understand when we counted
each slave as three-fifths of a person. Or when innocent and loyal
Japanese-Americans were imprisoned at the outset of World War II.
Or when gays and lesbians were effectively barred from holding jobs
in their own federal government. We've come a long way, America .
And when some, in recent months, have launched unprecedented
attacks on the very idea of fair treatment - trying to punish and
scapegoat people just because of their sexual orientation - I have
been amazed, and outraged. For this I believe with all my heart: if
we cannot conquer the forces of hatred and division that still exist
in our society, we can never redeem the American dream.
That is why President Clinton and I are so determined to appoint the best-qualified people to senior positions in our government
- whether or not they are gay or lesbian.
That is why we ended, by Executive Order, policies that discriminated against gays and lesbians in our civilian federal workforce.
And never forget this: we are one of the most successful administrations in history not in spite of that diversity - but because of it!

- 18 -

Helping You
Find Your Way
Home

• Renl
••• Eslall!
Ona.
INC.

REALTORS'

M'Lynn Hartwell
Hard Working Agent
511 East Front Street
Traverse City, Ml 49684

616/444-4148
office 616/947-9800

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 •WINTER 1998/99

Froperty of the Center

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And we want our country to push back the forces of hatred and
discrimination, as we have always done when we are at our best.
The story of America is the story of an ever-widening circle of human dignity and expanding opportunity.
And it is an outrage that today, in 1998, in 40 states of our
union, it is 100 percent legal to fire a hard-working employee just
because they are gay or lesbian. That is profoundly wrong. Everyone
deserves the basic freedom from discrimination.
So I say to Congress: let's give everyone who is willing to work
for it a fair and equal chance to succeed. Pass the Employment NonDiscrimination Act into law.

Brenda Bartz

Recently the Kingsley historian graciously gave me a poster representing six generations of my family. I quickly located a picture of a
handsome young man standing, beside a chair with a sober face ... as
were many of the photos in the 1930's. Another piece of the puzzle ...
a face to put with the story. A distant cousin black-balled by part of
my family because he was gay.
Twenty-five years ago the most important person in my world
died ... my great uncle Hank. My aunt Lucy and uncle Hank had no
children. So from a very early age my brothers and I had a special
relationship with both of them. My first memory is of feeding the
black angus cows with my uncle. I was two and my uncle would lift me
into the manger, the cows would pull the hay out from under me
causing me to tumble. They would lick me with their huge rough
tongues. I would hug their shaggy heads and they would bellow their
appreciation. I was the apple of my uncle's eye ... the feeling was
mutual. His love for me was bigger than anything I've ever known. An
anchor in my world. I was 20 when he died. I've missed him greatly. I
know there are many accomplishments in my life that he would be
proud of... but ... being lesbian is probably not one of them.
It was this wonderful, loving, giving person who black-balled his
relative from the family for being homosexual. "Joe" was cut from the
family inheritance. Uncle Hank did not want him to receive any of his
money ... a very clear statement. Twenty-three years later my aunt
Lucy was dying. "Please get a hold of ... she gave me the name of a
woman ... the name was not familiar to me. My aunt had willed her an
insurance policy issued to herself by the postal service. My Aunt had
not violated her husband's wish but chose to make a very clear statement. 'Tm sorry." There are pieces I don't know. Can lessons be learned
after death?
This summer, at the Michigan Womyns Music Festival, I had the
opportunity to experience Alice Walker. She read an excerpt from her
new book "The light of my Father's Smile." The dead father visits his
grownup daughter. He is given the chance to rethink many things. The
portion that Alice read was a very steamy love scene between the
daughter and her female lover. I'm not sure I would want to conjure
up a vision of my uncle in my bedroom ... but I would like to think
that he could learn life lessons from the otherside.. Perhaps Uncle
Hank is proud of me ... lesbian and all. After all, the power of love is
pretty amazing.
NElWORKING 45° NORTH

Creating Healthy Lives
Exploring the Diversity of lesbian Health
Brenda Bartz

This fall I attended the first regional Lesbian Health conference
at the University of Illinois at Chicago. This two day conference was
organized by activists, health care providers, community organizations and government officials from the midwest, the purpose was to
educate and inform health care providers and lesbians alike on the
specific needs of lesbians as health care consumers, while also addressing broader issues such as access to care and public policy.
Conference objectives included: Education of the lesbian/bisexual
women's community and health care providers on critical and current
issues, as well as barriers to care such as income homophobia, racism,
disability and ageism. To explore strategies for increasing health promotion behaviors. To cross cultural, intra-interstate alliances and
coalitions on lesbian, bisexual and transgendered health issues.
What was really exciting for me was to be surrounded by many
super intelligent Lesbians!!!! There were your straight women and gay
men sprinkled in there for sake of diversity.
One of the keynote speakers was Judy Bradford Phd., Judy has
served as a consultant of Office of Women's Health Research in the
National Institutes of Health. Judy has significant interest and substantial background in women's health research. She works with the
Mautner Project for Lesbians with cancer, as evaluation consultant on
a multi-year CDC-funded replication study. She is currently working on
establishing an international network of lesbian researchers. Judy's
main points were, "Who are we?" The need for definitions of Lesbian,
sexual orientation ect .. That we are currently one of the most understudied and underserved populations in the country. The need for
access to health care and understanding of health care providers, and
a national data base. I think we are getting underway!
Marj Plumb, the other keynote speaker, was a dynamo. Marj's
lecture "Are We Ready?" ... really pumped the attendees. The recommendations of the Institute of Medicine's report on minority exploration
is due to be published next month. Large amounts of money will be
available for anyone to research lesbians. Those of us with vested
interest need to be READY ... or we will have more weird studies like
the ear canal report ... written by a straight man who never knew a
Lesbian! Marj encouraged community based research.

7 PRINCIPLES of Community Based Research
I) EACH ONE TEACH ONE: We must understand methodology. Learn it
2} IF IT IS'NT HARD IT IS'T COMMUNITY BASED: We all bring privelege
and prejudices to the table. Its scarey but stay at the table.
3) VALUE THE QUESTION MORE THAN THE ANSWER
4) REMEMBER THE WIZARD (OZ) The funny man behind the curtain. No, should be the starting point of any discussion.
5) FIND THE HARDEST POPULATION FIRST
6) PRISONS AND OLIVIA CRUISES HAVE MORE IN COMMON THAN
YOU THINK A study showed the only differences were race and
class. Women take care of their girlfriends :)
7) BUTCH IS MORE THAN A NICKNAME Gender is a very complicated
issue.
I learned a lot from my trip to the windy city. I came home with
enthusiasm and a heightened sense of pride. - Brenda Bartz BSN,OCN

- 19 -

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99

JEi

~

STATE AND NATIONAL HOTLINES
Michigan Wellness Networks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 800-872-AIDS
Gay/Lesbian National Youth Hotline . .... .. . ...... .. . . ... . 800-347-TEEN
Triangle Hate Crime Reporting . ..... ... .. .. ... .. ... . ..... 888-442-9287

STATEvVIDE SERVICES
SOCIAL / POLITICAL / MEDIA
The Network: Lesbian and Gay Community Network of W. Michigan
909 Cherry St. S.E., Grand Rapids, Ml 49506 ... . ....... . . 616-458-3511
Lavender Morning ........... . ..... P.O. Box 50729, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005
616-685-6061
Kalamazoo Resource Center
P.O. Box 1532, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005 . .. . . . . .. . ..... .. .. 616-345-7878
Affirmations Lesbian/Gay Community Center
Suite 110, 195 W. Nine Mile Rd.
Ferndale, Ml 48220 . ........ ... ... .. .. .. ... . ... . .. .. . 810-398-7105
http://www.webspace.com/-tcc/affirmations~ndex.htme
Lansing Association of Human Rights
P.O. Box 18062, Lansing, Ml 48826 .. .. . . .. ... . ......... 517-332-3200
e-mail .... . ..... . . . . ...... .... ... . . . .. . .. . . .. lahr@macatawa.org
Lesbian Connection
P.O. Box 811, East Lansing, Ml 48826 ... . . .. . .. . . . ... .. 517-371 -5257
Triangle Foundation (Lesbian/Gay Foundation of Michigan)
19641 W. Seven Mile Rd., Detroit 48219 .. . . .... . . . .. ... . 313-537-3323
.. . . .. ...... . . . .. . ............ . .. .... . ... . ... Fax: 313-537-3379
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . trijeffrn@aol.com
Between The Lines (newspaper/monthly) ........ . .......... 888-615-7003
20793 Farmington Rd #25, Farmington, Ml 48336
e-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pridepblis@aol.com
The Third Coast (magazine/monthly)
POB 7296, Grand Rapids, Ml 49510 . .. .. . .. ... .. . ... . . . 616-248-9967
Michigan Pride, Inc. (Statewide Pride March organization)
P.O. Box 16191, Lansing, Ml 48901 .... . . . .. . ... . .. .. .. . 517-371-8466
email .... ... . . . ........ . . .. ... .. ...... . .. pride@michiganpride.org

NATIONAL SERVICE / SOCIAL/ POLITICAL
P-FLAG: Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
101214th St. NW, Ste. 700, Washington, DC 20005 . . ..... . 202-638-4200
GLAAD: Gay/Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
80 Varick St., #3E, New York, NY 10013 . . ........... . ... 212-807-1700
. .................. . .... .. ..... . .... . .. . ..... Fax: 212-807-1806
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . glaadnatl@aol.com
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force .. .. .. ... . .. ........ . . 202-332-648
2320 17th St., NW, Washington, DC 20009 ........ . .. Fax: 202-332-0207
Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund . . . . . . . . . . 21 2-809-8585 x 205
120 Wall St., NY, NY 10005 . . .. . ... . . ... .. . ....... Fax: 212-890-0055
ACW Lesbian/Gay Rights Project
1370 Mission St., San Francisco, CA 94130 . ..... .... .. . 415-621 -0674
HRC: Human Rights Campaign (National Coming Out Day)
101214th St. NS #607, Washington, DC 20005 ... . ...... . 202-628-4160
......... .. .......... .. .... . .... . .... .. ..... . Fax: 202-347-5323
email ..... . . . .. . .. ...... .. . .... . . ... . . ..... ... . www@hrcusa.org
Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, Pomical Action Commtttee
101214th St. NW #707, Washington, DC 20005 .. . . ....... 202-842-7679
GLSEN, Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network . . . . . ..... . . 212-727-0135
1 21 West 27 Street Suite 804, NY, NY 10001 ..... .. . Fax: 212-727-0-254

LOCAL SPIR ITUAL.
Rev. Geraldine Colvin
Unity Church, 3600 Five Mile, Traverse City . .. . .... . . . . .. 616-938-9587
Rev. Emmy Lou Belcher
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Grand Traverse
6726 Center Rd., Traverse City-Home: 938-9078 ..... . .. Office: 947-3117
Rev. Nancy Hayward, Circle of the Sacred Earth . . . . . . ....... 616-223-7999
Rev. Linda L. Wilson, Journey In Light Ministries . .. . .. . . .... 616-271 -2529
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Petoskey .... . ... .... . 616-347-8916
P.O. Box 873 Petoskey, Ml 49770

NETWORKING 45'' NORTH

...../

LOCAL COUNSELING:
Third Level Crisis Intervention, .. .... ... . .. ... .. ........ .. 616-922-4800
1022 E. Front St., TC, Ml 49686 . . . . .. . .. . . .. ... . . . . and 800-442-7315
Women's Resource Center .. . . . .. . . . .. . .. .... . . .... .. .. . 616-941-1210
Rodger Landvoy, PHD .. ... .. . .... . .. .. .. . .... .. . ... .. . 616-929-1711
Susan Breuer PHD (Frankfort/ Traverse City) . . ... .. . .. .. ... 616-352-4261
Margo Million, ACSW .. . . ... .. ... . . .. . . .. . . . ... . ...... . 616-947-0511
Joanna T. Lauber, MA, OTR, CHt . . . .. . . ..... . .. . . . ....... 616-947 8842
Barbara Jones Smith, PHD ... ..... .. ....... . ... . ........ 616-947-1444
Elizabeth Most, MSW, ACSW (Petoskey) ..... . ............. 616-439-0656
William D. Gould, MA (Gladwin) . ... . ...... . . . ....... .. ... 517-426-2351
David Rushlow, ACSW, Munson Medical Center . . ..... . . . . .. 616-935-6385
Bay Area Counseling (Petoskey/Harbor Springs)
Margalo Bley, MSW, ACSW ........... .. . . ............ 616-348-3616
Daniel C. Doran, PHD, CSW (Upper Peninsula) . ...... .. .. .. 906-635-9263
Amy Elena Cook, MSW, CSW . . ....... ... .. . ... . .. .. ... (616) 932-8699
CDRS (a free substance abuse referral agency)
808-A S. Garfield, Traverse City.: .. .. . .. . . .. 929-1315 or 800-686-0749

LOCAL SERVICE / SOCIAL / POLITICAL
Friends North (information line) ... . ... . ..... . . .. .. . . . .... 616-946-1804
Common Voices - F/N Rap Group . . .. ....... . ...... . .. .. Tom-275-6127
Windfire Gay & Lesbian Youth Support Group-Call Third Level for location & time ..... . .. 616-922-4800 or 800-442-7315
Side Traxx Nite Club, 520 Franklin St. off of 8th St. . . ... . . . . .. 616-935-1666
Traverse City Human Rights Commission, 400 Boardman .. .... 616-922-4700
Gay Alcoholics Anonymous, •
Grace Church, Washington at Boardman, TC ........ John 616-922-0746
.. . ............... . ......... . . . .. . ... . .... . .. . jdevans@gtii.com
. . . . . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hilda 616-938-1294
P-FLAG, Traverse City, POB 1705, Acme, Ml 49610 ... . . Cindy 616-271 -5045
GLSEN (Gay/Lesbian/Straight Education Network)
PO Box 9, Traverse, Ml 49685 .... . .. . ... . . .. ... . .. . ... 616-943-5050
NOW (National Organization for Women) Gail Trill .... . ....... 616-938-1333

LOCAL HIV/AIDS HEALTH COUNSELING:
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks, GTA, Inc., .. . .. . . . .. .. . ... .. . 616-947-1110
P.O. Box 1632, Traverse City, Ml 49685 . ............... 1 -800-494-1160
Business Office . .. ........... .. . . . ... .. . ...... . ... .. 616-933-0279
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks - HIV Support Group and
FamilyandSignificantOtherSupportGroup . .. . . . . . . .. .. . 616-947-1110
Thomas Judd Care Center, 1211 W Front St., Traverse City,
Mary Dillinger, RN, Clinical Nurse Specialist ..... .. ... .. . . 616-935-8140
David Rushlow, ACSW Social Worker ... ... .. ........... 616-935-6385
H.A.N.D.S. (HIV/AIDS Support: Petoskey) . . .. .. ...... . .. . 1-800-248-6777
Community Health Clinic ......... . . . ......... . . .. . ... ... 616-929-4448
(anonymous counseling/testing; same-day results no fee)
Northern Michigan Planned Parenthood . .... . ........ .. . . .. 616-929-1844
(anonymous counseling & testing)
Grand Traverse County Health Department .. .. . . . ... . .. . . .. 616-922-4831
(anonymous HIV Testing Center)
Emmet County Health Department (Petoskey) . . .. .. ..... . .. . 616-347-6014
Also call the District Health Department in your area

Home of

PIZZAZZ
Pizzas & Pesto

14 7River Street

PO Box 237
Charles E. Egeler, President
David A. Egeler, Vice President

Elk Rapids, Ml 49629
616-264-8901

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 4 • WINTER 1998/99