Networking45North_v11.no1.1997.01-02.pdf
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- Networking45North_v11.no1.1997.01-02.pdf
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THE NEWSLETTER OF FRIENDS NORTH, INC., an association of lesbians, gay men, bi-sexuals and their friends.
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VOLUME
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JANUARY
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FEBRUARY
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1997
GERRY CRANE DIES
FRIENDS NORTH ELECTS FIVE TO BOARD
Gerry Crane, 32, died suddenly of a heart attack on January 3rd
after a year of being in the local and national news. Gerry resigned
The Friends North annual meeting in December was
this past year from his teaching position as music director of Byron
highlighted by the election of new members to the Board of
Center Schools. He had inadvertantly 'come out' in class in October.
Directors. The following people have committed themselves to
of 1995 after persistent questioning from some of his high school
serve the gay/lesbian community for the next two years.
students. Gerry had just 'married' his sweetheart, another man, in a
quiet ceremony with flowers, family, and friends .
Brenda Bartz
Byron Center, lying on the outskirts of Grand Rapids, is a highly
Jim lngleson
Ben Maddy
conservative and religious community, and the school officials were
Sue Schwartz, elected as Treasurer
not pleased when Gerry came out. He quickly became the center of
controversy, and his classes were boycotted by some students who
Remaining on the Board for another year are:
didn't agree with his sexual orientation. Parents and administrators
pressured
Crane until finally a public school board hearing ruled in
Carol Lambertson, President
favor
of
retaining
Crane in his position. However, he was warned that
Tom Kincaid, Vice President
he was under close scrutiny and the school board and administration
Victor Dinsmore, Secretary
were vocal in their opposition to his sexual orientation .
M'Lynn Hartwell
Julie Parker
For the duration of the school year, Crane kept up his job, but the
pressures from kids, parents, teachers and administration were
Please give them your support and input throughout the year.
horrendous. He quickly became both a target from the religious
The Board would like to remind you that your participation is
extremists as well as a hero to the national gay and lesbian
important. They welcome your comments and presence at their community. He began speaking about his life in Byron Center at
monthly board meetings.
public events, gaining support from all across the country . However,
the pressures of the school were unrelenting. Gerry eventually struck
a bargain with the school district and resigned.
Crane was known locally and Friends North Board member
FRIENDS NORTH
M'Lynn Hartwell had an opinion after his death. "He was just really,
really damaged from the hate that had been directed toward him. In
fact, my first reaction when I heard the news that he had been rushed
to the hospital was that he had absorbed so much hate that it seems
hate was what killed him." M'Lynn had met Gerry at a GLSTN
Lunch provided. Donations accepted.
conference in Chicago during 1996.
WINTER SPORTS PARTY
Sunday, February 23rd -
1-4 pm
Come ski and sled with us and socialize
in the Bahle Warming Hut at the park in the
Village of Suttons Bay.
For questions/to volunteer/to RSVP
call Victor: <616 > 223-7977
PLEASE JOIN US - - - - - PRIDE DAY 1997 IN TC
A meeting to plan for Traverse City's next Gay/Lesbian Pride
Day will be held at Dean Robb's Law Office, 420 E. Front St., on
Wednesday, February 5th, at 6 p.m. All interested people and
volunteers are encouraged to attend! Call Cindy Robb at 2715045 for any questions.
Richard Tuxbury
Friends North, Inc., P.O. Box 562, Traverse City, MI 49685-0562 (616)
946-1804 (This is a general information line to receive FIN
information.)
FRIENDS NORTH is an organization of lesbians, gay men, bi-sexuals and
their friends from northwestern lower Michigan. Located in Traverse
City, we provide social activities, a newsletter, phone line, workshops,
and a community needs fund for financial assistance.
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS of FRIENDS NORTH is composed of nine
women and men elected each December. Regular board meetings are
held at Grace Episcopal Church at the Corner of Washington &
Boardman the first Tuesday of every month at 6:30 p.m. Everyone is
welcome to attend.
Brenda Bartz - 616-946-2708/bbartzstar@aoLcom
Victor Dinsmore, Secretary- 616-459-5759/itsyrigloo@aoLcom
M'Lynn Hartwell - 616-943-8800/les n more@aol.com
Jim lngleson - 616-922-0925
Carol Lambertson, Pres. - 616-27 5-7102/tclambo@gtii.com
Tom Kincaid-VP - 616-947-4647
Ben Maddy - 616-271-3926/coolj707@aol.com
Sue Schwartz, Treas. - 616-946-3032/tcfriend@aoLcom
NEWSLETTER COMMITTEE: Publication of Networking 45° North.
Editor: Richard Tuxbury: 271-3042
or e-mail: tux0 0 1@ aol. com
Publishing & Layout: Richard Curtis: 616-929-9605
or e-mail: rlc@traverse.com
Advertising: Ric Nelson: 616-933-7116
Mailing List: John Evans: 922-0746
Networking 45° North is the newsletter of Friends North, Inc. Viewpoints
expressed do not necessarily represent those of the board or general
membership.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING and notices are run without charge. Please
submit in writing or by calling the editor (and leave ad on machine 2713042 or by email.)
DISPLAY ADVERTISING in Networking 45° North is available in Business
Card size - $25.00 per space per issue or an annual rate of $120.00 for
6 issues. Inserts and larger sized ads are available. Please call
'advertising' for rates.
SPONSORING POLITICAL POSTCARDS: Cost for printing 2,800 postcards
for Networking 45° North is $100.00. To sponsor all or part of this, and
to give your input, call Richard 271-3042.
CONTRIBUTIONS to Networking are welcome. Letters, essays, features,
reflections, and original artwork should be sent "c/o Editor" to above
address. (Networking will not accept material that is sexist,
discriminatory or sexually explicit. Contributors are responsible for
obtaining permission from those whose names they submit for
publication.)
DEADLINES: Volume 11 Issue #2, February 15. Issue#3 April 15.
ADDRESS CHANGES: Please notify us in advance if a change is coming.
Call John Evans, 922-0746, or send changes to our address.
SUBSCRIPTIONS/MEMBERSHIPS: $15.00/single; $25.00/couple. Please
send checks or money orders to: Friends North, P.O. Box 562, Traverse
City, MI 49685-0562.
DISTRIBUTION: Networking is published 6 times per year. Copies are sent
bulk-mail in a plain envelope to approximately 700 households.
Additional copies are available at select local establishments. Our
mailing list is not sold or traded with other organizations.
0
FROM THE EDITOR
It has been a rough road for the
Friends North organization this year. Back
in
January,
1996,
newly-elected
president, Jim lngleson, lost his partner,
Kevin, and was forced to resign.
Compounding this, numerous board members left the organization
and traditional events from past years never got off the ground.
However, thanks to the Board members who stuck with their
duties until election time this December, our organization remains
strong enough to lead us into 1997. The direction of Friends North is
influenced by its board members - their ideas and the amount of time
they are willing to put in. The new board members are now in
position, and the plans and goals for the upcoming year should be
announced in January. There is a nice balance of men and women,
something that has been unofficially recognized as the best thing for
the organization.
Beyond the casual "nice newsletter this time," I get very little
direct feedback from members. And, until recently, neither has the
Friends North board of directors. I want to thank M'Lynn Hartwell for
pushing so insistently to gather opinions and ideas of the members by
sending out a questionnaire in an earlier issue of the newsletter.
As I read through the comments that were given, I tended to focus
on the negative comments, of which there were many. Of course,
there will always be those people who simply are unhappy with
anything that gets done or everything that isn't being done. Those
opinions are easy to dismiss, and it then becomes too easy to dismiss
all the comments.
However, I hope that the new board will read these carefully,
because the survey results tell us that there is a significant 'perception
problem' within the organization - the members don't understand the
basic nature of the group, how it works, or what its goals are. Many
say they are frustrated because they don't know how to become
involved.
The Board has a big task this year. They need to bridge this gap
that has emerged between the leaders and the members. It needs to
generate enthusiasm and commitment both within the board
members and its members. They need to assist the willing members
to participate and volunteer for specific tasks or events. And, they
need to recruit-new members, contributors, that represent a crosssection of the community.
I appreciate Carol Lambertson's commitment and stability after
being drafted to lead the organization when Jim resigned last year. I
wish her the best of successes in mapping out a plan to attack the
major problems that are now coming to light.
Carol has taken a major step forward on this path by organizing
a successful Board Retreat on Sunday, January 5th. As a participant, I
was pleased to see such a great turnout from our community
organizations. These people came and shared their ideas and
comments to the FN Board in hopes of educating them on their
activities as well as networking for the future events of the year.
A person who worked perhaps the hardest this year never got a
chance to show success. Patty O'Donnell, past president of Friends
printed on recycled paper
NfIWORKING 45°NORTH
-2-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
Out,n
North, worked all year to organize the Gay-Lesbian History and
Education Day at Sugarloaf Reso•t. Reluctantly, due to lack of
support, this weekend workshop WciS canceled. With this canceling,
I felt great guilt. I hadn't yet signed jp and it appeared that there were
many, many others who had also i -'=en irresponsible by waiting until
the last minute to register. Togeth ' r, we let lapse an event that many
praised in 1995 as being their hig:-,iight of the year. I hope that we as
an organization can pull together to rescue the enthusiasm that was
generated by this event as well as the commitment of Patty, its
organizer.
+About
A Lesbian Coffeehouse
Unity Church - 3600 Five Mile Road - Traverse City
Call 946-2708 for more information
Saturday, January 18, 1997
7 pm until 11 pm
OPEN MIKE DYKE NIGHT
Sign-up for your turn at the mike at the door
or by calling Sue at 946-3032
Carol Lambertson
No talents for display?
Come out anyway to applaud!
FROM THE PRESIDENT
As the long winter unfolds, I find that it is a
perfect time to reflect on the past 12 months.
Overall, Friends North experienced a successful
year. Our calendar of events included the winter
sledding party, the spring High Tea, the summer Bike Tour, and the
Pride Picnic and Garage Sale.
The newsletter, Networking 45° North, continued to provide
Northern Michigan g/I/b/t homes with up to date news, current
events, information and entertainment.
We had to cancel a couple of events this year due to lack of
registrants, including what would have been the second annual
Lesbian and Gay History and Education weekend. This was a major
disappointment to many people and again, we are sorry that this
weekend did not take place. Hopefully, the knowlege gained from
this experience will benefit all of us in the future.
Fortunately, a whole new year is ahead. We have four new
people on our board who bring various talents and a lot of dedication
to Friends North. We will strive for unity as a board, and plan to
energize more of our gay and lesbian community. We will strategize
ways to encourage more of your involvement in all aspects of Friends
North events and activities. After all, this is YOUR organization.
Reminder: Board Meetings are on the 1st Tuesday of the month,
beginning in February, at 6:30 pm
held at Grace Episcopal Church - all are welcome!
Saturday, February 15, 1997
7 pm until 11 pm
3rd ANNUAL AUCTION &
POTLUCK DESSERT BUFFET
For information and/or to donate items for the auction
call Deb at 275-5924
Out n' About Lesbian Coffeehouse is held on the third Saturday
of each month except August and December. The Coffeehouse
comes alive between 7:00 and 11 :00 pm at the Unity Church,
3600 Five Mile Road, Traverse City. Smoke-free and Chem-free
with a cover donation of $3 ($5-$10 if we have entertainment).
Coffee, tea and snacks are free; soft drinks are available.
For more information, or to have your name placed on the Out 'n
About Lesbian Coffeehouse mailing list, call Brenda at 946-2708leave message.
There are many people to thank for their time and service to
Friends North over the past year: Jim Poole, Scott Southwell, Dick
Tuxbury, Richard Curtis, Jim lngleson, Greg Baird, M'Lynn Hartwell,
Victor Dinsmore, Julie Parker, Tom LaForte, Tim Evans, Patty
O'Donnell, Gretchen Sauvage, Tom Kincaid, Jim Carruthers, Ed
Richardson, Tom Barkley, John Evans, are names that come to mind.
I appreciate all that each of you has done using your own time and
resources to fowrard the cause of Friends North. Thank You!
933
7116
493 W.1tb St.
Traverse City
Carol Lambertson
MI 49684
NETWORKING 45°NORTH
-3-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
SPEAKERS BUREAU FORMING
The Traverse City Area PFLAG chapter has just embarked on
the organization of a Speakers' Bureau to serve the community
on behalf of our gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans-gendered loved-ones.
The purpose of the Speakers' Bureau is to provide a resource of
speakers to the community for various public-speaking
engagements. Our chapter is called upon from time-to-time to
provide speakers for panels, college classes, public meetings, and
other engagements in and around our community. The bureau
will provide our chapter with a resource list of volunteers to fulfill
these obligations.
Those interested in participating in this volunteer opportunity
are asked to contact Penny Smith at 947-4462. She also welcomes
calls of requests for speakers.
RAP GROUP
INTRODUCING THE PFLAG BOARD OF
DIRECTORS
Ed Richardson -
Dean Robb is the senior partner of the Robb, Messing, Palmer
and Dignan Law Offices in Traverse City. Dean has served the
community over the past 45 years as a leader of civil rights causes.
In 1994, he was the recipient of the prestigious State Bar of
Michigan's Champion of Justice Award. He has been elected copresident of the PFLAG Board and also serves as a board member
of the Boys and Girls Club of Traverse City and the Third Level
Crisis and Intervention Center. Dean is the stepfather of a gay son,
Ben.
Patrice Stewart is the president of Wellness Networks of
Grand Traverse Area. Our chapter was first introduced to Patrice
in November of 1995 when she spoke on a panel discussing the
issue of HIV/AIDS. Patrice's son James, a gay man, died of AIDS
complications in 1993. Patrice works as a financial consultant
and moved to Traverse City from Florida in the fall of 1990. She
will serve as co-president on the PFLAG Board.
Lynn Milliron became involved in PFLAG within the past year
when her fifteen year-old son Eric came out to her. Lynn is the
mother of four children and was somewhat dismayed when her
eldest stepped out of the closet. Finding the journey to acceptance
an easier job than most, however, she has jumped into the board
position of Secretary.
Penny Smith has been with Traverse City Area PFLAG from
its inception. Penny's Son Joe (Gavin) is gay and he has two nongay siblings. Penny has a diverse professional background and is
currently employed as an Employment Specialist/Educator. She is
a volunteer for Wellness Network, Inc. and has served as a board
NElWORKJNG 45'NORTH
member of the Benzie Co. Teen Parent Association and the Grand
Traverse Band of Ottawa/Chippawa Youth Outreach Program.
Penny has stepped forward to head up our newly formed
Speaker's Bureau.
JoAnn Thomas, the mother of a gay son, is also a member of
the Wellness Network Board of Directors. JoAnn became
involved with our chapter about a year ago and has assisted as a
refreshment/program coordinator.
Peter Taylor, former mayor of Traverse City, is the newlyelected Treasurer for Traverse City Area PFLAG. Peter brings with
him a wealth of experience in the area of fundraising, having
served as fundraising coordinator for Wellness Network.
LuEllen Baty is the mother of a gay son, Peter. Her fascinating
story of acceptance was chronicled in a unique article featured in
the Record Eagle's "Active Years" supplement last Fall. LuEllen is
a native of Traverse City and a former "Cherry Queen." She has
served on the PFLAG board for the past year and has been the
refreshment coordinator for the support group meetings.
-4-
947-4697
The Friends North Rap Group wants both gays and lesbians
to come to our second Wednesday of each month gathering at
7:30 pm at Grace Episcopal Church on Washington St. Parking is
available in back of the church and you can use the back or front
entrance. We have a basement room reserved but often use space
in the church hall on the main level. Rap "members" are alert to
first-timers and try to watch for people in the building (we will try
to post a directional sign).
The focus of the Rap Group is on the entire g/I/t/b community,
regardless of age. Our primary goal is to regularly offer an
information/support group in a safe, open, discreet environment.
We are flexible with agendas and listen to the needs of those
attending. Discussion is encouraged and supplemented with
topics, videos, speakers, etc. We will always schedule time to
listen to anyone that needs to talk! Besides our monthly schedule,
other activities are encouraged such as dining out, hikes,
picnics ... Please join our Rap "Family"!
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
Penny Smith
PROFILE: PENNY SMITH
discovered a program for foreign
study: The Congress-Bundestag Youth
Program. She sent the information to
both Joe, in his sophomore year of
MSU and Brandon, in his junior year
of high school in Traverse City. They
both won scholarships to study in
Germany. Both were over there at the
same time in different locations.
"I always felt guilty about moving
so many times and not being able to
supply the kids with a real stable
education. And both of them said that
when they went through the interview process for the foreign study, the
people were looking for young people who were very flexible and were
able to fit in anywhere with different cultures. Both of them said that
without being exposed to all those different places and people maybe
they wouldn't have been selected ... I quit being guilty!"
Joe's advisor while he was in Germany was a woman from
Brattleboro, VT. She suggested Joe look into the School for International
Training in Brattleboro. During his stay in Traverse City, Joe applied there
and was accepted. His current work in Washington is an extension of
that program. He plans to return to the School in Brattleboro when his
work in Bremerton is over.
Meanwhile Penny has worked in several jobs here in the Grand
Traverse Area. She is a certified teacher, not only in Idaho and Missouri
and Michigan, but also in Alaska.
"I got a certification from Alaska and to get a permanent certificate I
now have to take two more courses - in Alaskan history, and multicultural education."
I asked why the Alaskan certification.
"I want to go there. I just want to be ready in case I get a chance.
I've always wanted to go to Alaska ever since I was old enough to read
stories about it. I'd like to go to Seattle, Bremerton. But then I don't know
how long Brandy is going to have to house there ... Or how long Andrea
will be there."
We talked about Friends North
"I have talked to a couple of people who have been in Friends North
who say that it's a really good organization and they enjoyed being in it
but too often times there's so much squabbling. Everybody should band
together for a cause instead of squabbling. "
We talked about the need for a center, which was one of Joe's
dreams while he was here.
"Maybe you should apply for a grant from Rotary Charities! Or
United Way!"
John Evans
"I would hear jokes and I wouldn't pay any attention, and all of a
sudden after Gavin told me he was gay ... I would hear things and it
would just go right straight to the heart. It was like - 'you're talking about
my kid. You can't do that.' There was this tremendous awareness. It
dawned on me how much that stuff hurts people."
So said Penny Smith, one of the founding mothers of the local
chapter of PFLAG. Her oldest son, whom we know as Joe Morgan, a
former board member of Friends North, now lives in Bremerton,
Washington, with his younger brother, Brandon, an ensign in the navy,
and his sister, Andrea, an artist. (Penny calls Joe by his middle name,
Gavin).
"The chapter is growing by leaps and bounds. We're making contact
with a lot of parents and a number of teenagers - connections with kids
in high school here and in lnterlochen, and grandparents ... People will
come one or two times and then not come back, simply because they
get what they need. We've got a pretty sizeable core group. Every
meeting there are people who come and bring a parent or a friend people that want to know more about the gay lifestyle and how to handle
problems. I think we are really performing a service for people - a support
group."
By the time Penny moved to Traverse City in June of 1986, her son
Joe was a student at MSU. A year of so later he approached her during
Christmas break.
Penny tells it this way: "Joe came to me and said, 'Mom, I've got
something to tell you.' He was all primed with all this information. He
said, 'I'm gay.' and I said 'o.k ... that doesn't make any difference, I still
love you, everybody does.' He didn't really get a chance to use all that
ammunition he had!"
"And then he told his brother and sister separately sometime later
and the reaction was 'So?' ... then he told his grandfather, who is quite
conservative, and it was a shock, but it was his grandson, so it was ok.
There is not one negative person in the family."
Penny was brought up in that conservative atmosphere in the Battle
Creek area. She attended Kellogg Community College and got her
bachelor's and master's degree from Western Michigan University in the
field of education. She settled in her home area, married and began
raising her three children there.
"In 1975 we moved to Idaho. Spent six years there and then six years
in Missouri. The children went to ten or twelve different schools during
that time ... We lived in American Falls, just south of Pocatello. I worked
for Idaho State. Then we moved to Moscow, about six miles from
Portland, WA. We loved it there. But I lost my job at the University there
in 1975 They had a major recession ... it was a real destructive year as
far as the potato crop and the sugar beets ... They shut down the mines ...
That was the year that nationwide the housing starts went to pieces and
that pulled Weyerhauser and Potlatch out... the state went broke."
It was while they- were living in Moscow that Penny and the
children's father were divorced. The family moved to Marshall, Missouri
where Penny and her second husband owned a restaurant.
"Then there was another major recession. That was the time of the
major bank foreclosures. It was a little agricultural town and our
restaurant just served the agricultural community. We went under with
everybody else. Then we moved to Kirksville, MO. I taught school there.
I was clerk for circuit court. And then I worked for a rock radio station."
When the family moved to Missouri, Joe went to live with his father
in Middlebury, IN, and then Berrien Springs, Ml where he graduated from
High school.
After moving to Traverse City in 1986, Penny went to work for the
Cooperative Extension Service in Benzie County. While there she
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
'
Contributions
FROM THE COMMUNITY
THE HOLIDAYS
by Alan Williams
For many people, the holidays in particular, and the winter in
general, can be a time of great joy, as friendships and acquaintances-and past and present loves--come together to share tidings of the season.
In the midst of the celebration, however, it's important to remember that
others find the holidays to be a time of loneliness and depression.
A reminder of that second group of people came to me the other
day, when I was corresponding with a friend from the Internet. He's in a
long-distance relationship, and because of various problems he couldn't
spend the holidays with his boyfriend, or even with many of his good
friends, because they're also long distances away. Instead, he's with a
family to whom he isn't out. It's a very sad time for him, and I imagine it
doesn't help for him to be in chats where other people are talking about
how they're spending holidays with their significant others.
In some respects, I completely understand how he feels. I'm a recent
transplant to Traverse City, and this is the first time I've spent this time of
year without seeing my parents, and basically without a lot of friends. It
takes time to make friends, and unfortunately I moved up here at a time
when the hectic nature of the holidays impedes the process even further.
My closest friends-the ones with whom I've shared much joy and much
sorrow-are great distances away, as is most of my family. I share a place
with one of my older brothers, but we don't see much of each other and
we were never especially close anyway. Of the people I've already met
up here-well, it's just a bad timeofyeartotry and get to know someone
(at least for me), because those people have eno,ugh to do in their lives,
without taking some extra time to try and get to know me.
That's the situation for a lot of people throughout the country. In
modern times, holidays like Christmas are difficult. The traditional
gatherings of family and friends are often nonexistent, thanks to more
modern trends of spread-out families. For those who attend family
gatherings, such events can be stressful when one isn't out to family or
friends-and even when one is out, stress can still result from intolerant
attitudes rearing their ugly heads. It's ironic, perhaps, that a time of the
year that once meant great joy has, over time, become a harbinger of
such tension and anxiety in so many people.
For some people, the bars become the pressure-release valve, but
even there exists the trend to spend time with only those whom you
know, and not with the total stranger sitting in the corner. And there's
the age-old trend I've observed countless times-there seems to be a
whole breed of men (and, I'm told, of women) who don't seem to be
interested in associating with anyone whom they wouldn't want to date
(or at least sleep with).
There's an easy solution to this dilemma of being alone. If you're
the lonely one, it helps to get involved in community activities of some
kind. If you want to be involved in the gay community, there are many
NE'IWORKING 45'NORTH
-6-
support/discussion groups that can provide a place to meet other people
and maybe make friends. If you're the one who finds it easy to meet
people anyway, try introducing yourself to someone you don't know.
You never can tell when you're going to make a new friend.
Most of all, though, if you're lonely and shy about meeting other
people, DON'T GIVE UP HOPE! Meeting people can take time, but
patience usually pays off. Who knows? It might even lead to close
friendships and even romance. Just remember: As the bleakness of winter
ends, so too does the season of loneliness.
WHERE Do You Go?
by Greg R. Baird
There is a Top 40 dance tune that has made it quite big on the
charts lately and it seems every time I turn on the radio, and it's on,
I'll sing along. Granted the lyrics are not the most complicated, but
its a fun little song.
This song came to mind in a strange way last week while I was
travelling on business in the Upper Peninsula. For my job, I have to
visit some very small communities. The radio was on while I was
going from town to town and the song, "Where Do You Go?", by No
Mercy, came on the radio, and as usual I started singing along.
While I was sitting in the van driving and giving the best vocal
performance of my career, the thought of, "Where do you go?",
started me thinking about our community and the feeling of
togetherness. Mostly, it got me thinking about gays and lesbians in
small rural areas, like the U.P. and many other areas that grace our
great country. The thought was very simple, where do you go?
Since being back in Petoskey for five months now, I am feeling a
sense of community in my small rural area. The gay dinner group
that gets together on Thursdays at 7:00 pm at the Park Garden Cafe is
a great place to meet new people and find people with common
interests. Our community has small parties, game nights, pot luck
dinners and occasional nights out to a restaurant or to Side Traxx in
Traverse City. This is a nice outlet to have. I can remember a few
years ago I wouldn't have been able to answer the question, where
do you go? There just wasn't anything at all.
So, this is where I am going to ask you for help. If you are getting
th is newsletter I want to hear from you. Tel I me what you do or where
you go for your sense of community and support. If you don't have a
place, write me anyway and if you wish, I'll try to hook you up with
a group of people who are in your same situation. Of course, I would
only do this with your permission. Tell me what it's like in your area
being gay, lesbian or bisexual. Do you have a sense of community?
Do you wish to start a group? Do you want to join some people for
dinner or a movie now and then? Or, do you have a group that does
some interesting things and you would like others to know about it?
I'll write some of your stories and information in the next
newsletter. Don't be shy! This is your chance to share and motivate
others to do the same.
Feel free to contact me by mail at P.O. Box 132, Petoskey, Ml
49770 or by e-mail at gbair@sunny.ncmc.cc.mi.us. Again, we all
have a voice in our community. I'm giving you the opportunity to be
heard.
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
IT'S ALL IN YOUR BRAIN
NOTFS FROM 111E PETOSKEY GROUP
Staff Writer
A structure deep within the brain, where the tangled roots of
sexuality are thought to lie, differs substantially between ordinary
men and transsexuals who have been surgically transformed from
men into women, scientists have reported. The results raise the
tantalizing possibility that transsexuals may in a sense be more female
than real females are.
Researchers in the Netherlands have discovered that a small
region of the hypothalamus, located at the floor of the brain, is about
50 percent larger in men than in women, and almost 60 percent larger
in men than in male-to-female transsexuals.
The discovery is the first detection of a difference in transsexual
brains, and it could at least partly explain why such individuals
describe themselves as "women trapped in men's bodies."
The finding may also cast light on the larger issue of sexual
identity, of what makes a person feel comfortable - or tormented - in
the skin of a man or a woma.n.
Significantly, the region of the hypothalamus does not differ in
size between gay and straight men, and so it cannot be said to play a
role in male sexual orientation. Other recent studies have focused on
identifying minor brain discrepancies between homosexual and
heterosexual men, reporting in general that gay brains appeared
comparatively feminine.
Such findings, which remain deeply contested, have troubled
many people for the simple reason that gay men overwhelmingly
think of themselves as men, not as abnormal women. But genetic men
who undergo sex reassignment often claim that they felt like girls from
early childhood on.
Dick Swaab of the Netherlands Institute for Brain Research in
Amsterdam, who with his colleagues is reporting the work in
Thursday's issue of the journal Nature, emphasized that this section of
the hypothalamus is by no means the entire source of sexual identity.
"I'm convinced this is only one structure of many that are
involved in such a complex behavior," he said. "This is just the tip of
the iceberg."
In addition, the study remains to be replicated by other
researchers, which will not be easy. It was performed by dissecting
the autopsied brains of transsexuals, homosexual men, heterosexual
men and heterosexual women. Because transsexuality is rare, it took
the scientists 11 years to collect six transsexual brains.
- Veronica Daniels, Petoskey
If you've been yearning for a place to go just to socialize without the
hassles of the night club environment. .. then your search might be over!
Friends North Petoskey is a weekly social gathering every Thursday evening
from approximately 7 p.m. to about 10 p.m. at the Park Garden Cafe in
Petoskey.
My first awareness of this wonderful gathering of diverse people from
northern Michigan - and sometimes beyond - was provided by friends of
minethispastJuneatthePrideMarch in Lansing. I'll takethisspaceandtime
to mention that if YOU weren't present at the March this past June, YOU
should have been! It was a fun experience - being my first march. Not only
did I let my voice mix with thousands of other peoples' to let the politicians
know that we are everywhere and do not expect "Special Rights" but EQUAL
rights, but I also had the opportunity to buy neat Gay stuff like bumper
stickers, t-shirts and books. So, if you are tired of the way things are in the
political scene, PLEASE don't be a "non-participating-I'11-let-somebody-elsespeak-for-me" individual! Attend next year's march or any other function
you can attend. Let yourself be seen and your voice be heard OUT LOUD
- and PROUD! Nuf said on that!
Friends North - Petoskey is a social gathering of our g.l.b.t. community
in northern Michigan. It is an alternative group for those not wishing to
socialize in a nightclub atmosphere. Special events are often planned such
as picnics, holiday parties, potluck dinners and much more. Recently, a
group of us attended and participated in the World AIDS Day candlelight
vigil in Alpena. We've also viewed a slide presentation of this years's AIDS
Memorial Quilt display in Washington, D.C.
Our Petoskey group is a diverse group of people from all areas of
northern Michigan. We enjoy beverages, appetizers or dinner - whatever
we individually choose. My partner Pam (three wonderful years th is January!)
and I are always anxious for Thursdays so we can once again see our friends'
smiling faces and gather in a non-club, positive energy environment. I've
been to various gay bars/clubs in Michigan and elsewhere and never made
as many wonderful, genuine friends as I have in the past six months attending
the Petoskey Friends North gatherings. By the way, my social calendar
becomes quite full as a result of regular attendance.
So, if you want to met some quality people and make some new friends,
come visit with Friends North Thursday evenings at the Park Garden Cafe in
Petoskey. We enjoy seeing new faces and meeting new people at our
gatherings. I must also add that it's great to finally have a pleasant venue to
gather with "family" in my own home town!
Carolyn R. Delo
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-7-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
LARA'S THEME:
NONVIOLENT
COMMUNICATION
Staff Writer
"Who's the woman in your relationship and
who's the man?"
"I hate the sin but love the sinner"
"Marriage is something between a man and a
woman, something for normal people"
"I'm praying for you."
Where to begin? What to do? Get mad? Walk
away? Debate? Lie?
Fifteen people who attended the Toward
Understanding workshop at Neahtawanta Center
Nov. 8-1 O tried out another way: LARA.
LARA is an acronym for a method of nonviolent
communication taught by American Friends Service
Committee as part of its Toward Understanding
Project
The training program was designed to help
participants find their own voice in responding to
verbal confrontations about sexual orientation in a
way that reduces hostility, encourages dialogue and
supports full equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and
transgendered people
LARA stands for:
Listen
Affirm
Respond
Add
What you listen for is the feelings underneath the
statement - fear, discomfort, anger, frustration? Try to
hear what lies at the core of the question or statement.
What do they really want to know?
What is
legitimate?
What you affirm is whatever you find in the
question or statement that represents a reasonable
issue or real fear. You try to find a point of comonality
- of genuine human connection.
When you respond, you give people they
information they're seeking. If you don't know the
answer, say so and refer them to sources.
What you add is information that will help them
consider the issue a different way or that will redirect
the discussion down a more positive path.
NElWORKING 45'NORTH
The goal of LARA, facilitator Jan Wright said, is
not to win, but to initiate dialogue that can inform and
educate. The secret is coming from the heart. It is not
meant to be manipulative.
A first-person
account
The first time I found it
difficult to respond. I
thought it was my
unfamiliarity with the
The Toward Understanding Workshop is based LARA method.
on materials developed by Bonnie Tinker, of Love
The second time, I
Makes A Family Inc., a leader in the work against thought it was just
recurring anti-gay ballot initiatives in Oregon. Tinker another of my recurring
has a 23-year history of working for lesbian and gay shyness attacks.
rights. Love Makes a Family is committed to a
By the third time, I
philosophy of nonviolence.
realized that this
nonviolent
The primary message of nonviolent speech, the communication method facilitators said, comes from Mahatma Ghandi's word listening, affirming,
for nonviolence: Ahimsa - "I will not harm you."
responding and adding
information - was going to
It implies, in addition, a deeper message: "You teach me a lot about the
will not harm me."
still unhealed wounds and
unexpressed thoughts that
"Speaking nonviolently comes from a profound came from some 20 years
respect for the humanity of the person to whom you of living in a closet.
are speaking," according to the Love Makes a Family
I learned at the
materials.
workshop that I can deal
with innocent clumsy
"It also demonstrates a belief that the moral questions from people
ground you are standing on is big enough for all. If who only want more
you take up all of the moral ground by backing others information to help them
into a corner, forcing them up against the wall, or confront the stereotypes
pushing them over the edge of a verbal precipice, they they grew up with.
cannot join you in your opinion. Nonviolent speech
But hostile, curt or selfseeks agreement with dignity."
righteous remarks that are
based on a desire to
11/ don't want any guy hitting on me."
maintain stereotypes
"/ would never let my daughters go on an · trigger strong emotions in
overnight trip with a lesbian teacher - she'd be me. At the workshop,
molested."
they washed through me
"All you need, gal, is a man who knows what he's in waves. I could no
doing- a good fuck."
longer listen or hear what
"Did wearing dresses when you were little make was behind the statement,
you gay?"
much less come up with a
response of any kind The purpose of nonviolent speech is first to nonviolent, irritated or
establish common ground, which assumes that people outraged.
share at least one value in common - the desire to do
I felt speechless. For so
the right thing. That may seem hard to believe when it many years I had never
looks and sounds as though some people are talked about what was
determined to deny gays and lesbians recognition and going on in me. In fact, I
respect.
had tried to fool myself
into thinking it didn't hurt
The big challenge for people who want to me. But it did. I have
practice nonviolent speech and establish a meaningful know that ever since I
dialogue around sexual orientation is to overcome came out. And I got to
-8-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
know it even better that
weekend at Neahtawanta.
We gays and lesbians
have a lot going on inside
of us. It's no wonder, if
you consider the daily
bashing we undergo
growing up and living in a
homophobic society.
The two days of role
playing and other forms of
practicing LARA took
away my discomfort and
the fear of responding to
homophobia with
nonviolence. It's a much
less mysterious process
now, and I know that,
with practice, I can come •
to learn how to do it
automatically in any kind
of difficult dialogue.
But I need to work
through some of the old
wounds and my fears
because they keep me
from hearing and seeing
the fear in others. I know
that the base emotion of
all hatred, anger, -hostility
and scapegoating is fear.
Knowing that helps me
want to respond with
nonviolence.
Doing it is going to take
a lot of practice. And it is
the practice that will help
me know myself and will
make me stronger - inside
and out.
I've heard it said that to
truly practice nonviolence
we must learn and know
our own fear. I've also
heard it said that real
courage is to know that
you are afraid of doing
the right thing and to do it
anyway.
I guess that is what
LARA will teach me.
their own fight-or-flight reaction and to respect the
other person enough to assume that their intention is
to "do the right thing."
"The Bible says it's wrong."
"The purpose of marriage is to have children.
Therefore, lesbian-gay people shouldn't get married."
"It's unnatural, don't you think? "
"Why do you have to talk about it?"
Here's a sample dialogue:
QUESTION:
Why do homosexuals think they should have
special rights?
POSSIBLE KERNELS TO LISTEN FOR:
Fear that I am going to be left out. That important
values are undermined. Why are you better than I am.
I am not being unfair to you, so why do you need
special treatment? I don't believe that you are really a
victim of discrimination.
AFFIRM:
It doesn't sound fair at first, does it? Not if one
group gets rights somehow that others don't have.
None of us wants to see one group elevated to a higher
status.
RESPONDING AND ADDING:
The term special rights isn't helpful. Rather, it
confuses the issue because the term does suggest
unequal treatment. But gays and lesbians aren't
asking for special treatment. We don't want any rights
that aren't equally available to everyone, whether gay
or straight.
In reality, what gay and lesbians are saying is: no
special discrimination. Please don't single us out for
discrimination. Treat us like everybody else who is in
the work force or looking for an apartment, regardless
of sexual orientation.
We're not
looking for something extra.
The 15 people who attended the
workshop at Neahtawanta included
lesbians, gays, straights and P-Flag
parents from northern Michigan and
the Kalamazoo, Muskegon, Ann Arbor
and Lansing areas.
REMEMBERING A DEAR FRIEND
Ed Richardson & Gene Strang
In our effort to direct focus on the AIDS/HIV crisis,
our gay/lesbian community much too often 'forgets'
that there are members suffering terminally with other
diseases. Unfortunately, such was the case with Carol
Srbeny, who died in November. Carol had stopped
smoking many years past. About 2-years ago, cancer
made an appearance in her lung and continued to
spread. Carol fought long and hard despite the
removal of a lung, brain surgery, radiation, chemo and
numerous hospitalizations. With the help of two
friends and hospice, Carol was able to spend final
precious time in her home, surrounded by the
beautiful nature she loved.
I first met Carol at a Friends North monthly board
meeting. In her spirit, she was trying hard to persuade
the board to help support a dance for which Carol
offered to do all arranging and promotion but the
board did not waver in its opposition. I would hope,
in Carol's memory, her idea be again considered!
Smile upon us Carol (don't take off your dancing
shoes, yet!) (Ed)
A time-A space I am passing thru
Carol Ann Srbeny, March 13, 1947 to November
17, 1996. Touching only those who need and healing
them who ask. Part of Dignity early on as it became
Friends North - Dancing at the Den - Rap Groups
- Loved by women with pas ion - Accepted 9Y close
male friends - Communicated with my animal
partners of the woods - My dog Chancey Accepted my illness of cancer with relutance. Gene
asked me questions on Saturday night and I answered
best I could. Sunday he was with me to help me give
way to letting go. Monday I was on my way to new
_ _ _ at8:00!
Where was everybody- only 13 people showed
at my service? (Gene)
HAIR FORCE ONE
SOI West Front Street
Traverse Ci(1/. MI 49684
For Appointment Call
941-8255
Mark Lizenby
NE1WORKING 4S"NORTH
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
MESSAGES FROM CINDY
Cindy Robb
As I sit at the keyboard, congested head and stuffy nose from this
cold /flu thing that won't go away, reflecting back on the past year
and what it has meant for PFLAG and the Gay/ Lesbian Community
as a whole, it is truly astounding!
We started the year 1996 with planning the "Pride Celebration"
for June. I think every G/L group in T.C. had a hand in its organizing.
Networking with everyone is very powerful and was a great start for
the year. Friends North, PFLAG, GLSTN, Out & About Coffee House,
Wellness Network, SideTraxx, and some just plain wonderful
individuals came together, each bringing their own unique talents
and perspective to lay the groundwork for the future event.
February sparked the thought that the City of Traverse City ought
to look at adding "sexual orientation" to it's employment policy. The
great thing was it was spawned from the Human Rights Commission,
not the gay/lesbian community. In April, many of us wrote letters to
the TC City Commission that numbered 140 in favor of adding
"sexual orientation" and only one letter was received in opposition.
At the May 8 commission meeting supporters packed the room
and spoke from their hearts, while a handful of others read bible
passages to commissioners. Sadly, the commission voted to look at
alternative language, and at a later meeting was defeated by only one
vote. The result was an insult but the people who had the courage
and strength to speak out was a huge victory in itself!
The outpouring from not only the G/L community but from many
other businesses and institutions was overwhelming and heartfelt,
including staffers at Third Level Crisis Center, many area clergy (who
spoke out at risk to themselves), school teachers, counselors, doctors,
and lawyers. We were unable to shift the commissioners but we
made a big difference to people in the community, and gave many
the opportunity to think about an issue that they might have never
thought about otherwise in a positive way.
We need to continue to stand up and speak out, and put faces
and names with the labels "Fag" and "Dyke" in order to transform
these labels to "Gay" and "Lesbia'n" in the minds of the ignorant, and
uninformed. The undertaking of petitioning the City Commission is
just one example of the power of hope that coming together and
speaking out creates. We simply have a very bad city commission
that does not listen to it's people, and it is important for us to
remember to forget them in the next election. This issue is no more
dead than you or I.
It was around this time that Michigan's legislature banned same
sex marriage, which was a big waste of time and taxpayer money
since it was never legal anyway! In June Rev. Mel White performed a
Commitment Ceremony for 90 same sex couples on the Michigan
Capitol steps. I'm sure it burned a few, but it is proof, WE ARE NOT
GOING AWAY.
The Triangle foundation has been incredible by testifying
everywhere and reporting the violence- from public meetings to court
to State Commissions, and it is making a big difference. Again, the
Triangle Foundation's success depends on us SPEAKING OUT, and
reporting incidents as they happen.
NE1WORKING 45°NORTH
-10-
1996 has brought huge success in the Court Systems. The most
monumental was of course the U_.S. Supreme Court decision Romer
v. Evans overturning Colorado's Amendment 2. Jamie Nabozny's
victory to the tune of a million dollars says loud and clear the
harassment of G/L students must end in public schools. Schools
across the country are forced to allow G/L student groups to organize
and they are sprouting up with Traverse City's already in the planning
stages. Hawaii's Court decision on same-sex marriage has just one
final hoop to jump through with the victory in early December being
the most critical. Locally, Steve Sharp was awarded $300,000 when
his HIV status was poorly handled in his workplace.
WOW ... as I sat to ponder the past year, I must admit I felt tired
and sort of beat down by all the holiday hoopla and being sick, and
I thought to myself, "okay, can I think of ANYTHING good in the past
12 months ?" And, yes I can! It has been a GREAT , FANTASTIC,
RECORD-BREAKING, MONUMENTAL, ALLIANCE-BUILDING,
FRIEND-MAKING, INCREDIBLE YEAR!
I now end 1996 with great pride and joy for the enormous strides
forward we have made together, and look to 1997 with great hope and
wonder of the miracles to come. I suddenly feel better and my nose is
not nearly as stuffy anymore! Here's to a fantastic "97"! Love, Cindy
PETOSKEY PARTY
Ric Nelson
On Thursday, December 13, some friends of mine and I made
the two hour trek to Petoskey so that we could join Friends North of
Petoskey at their Christmas Party. I, for one, and I know that my
companions will agree, had a very enjoyable time.
The party was held at the Park Garden Cafe in Petoskey. The
group meets there every Thursday. There was more food than
anyone could eat provided for us. Hot wings, white fish pate, and
puff pastry with cream and chocolate filling were only a few of
the goodies that were a part of the spread. There was a cash bar
that was well-stocked for the diverse tastes of the ensemble.
Frankly, I found the atmosphere of the entire facility to be most
friendly and welcoming.
There were about 45 of the nicest people in attendance with
music provided for just about every taste. Although I personally
could have made it through the evening without hearing "Living
on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi, but like I said, every taste. Yes, there
was some dancing. That was fun once it got started. My favorite
moment of the evening was watching two of the cutest older
lesbian couples twirling around to Rod Stewart. I was given
opportunity to meet just about everyone there, and honestly, not
once did anyone make me feel like an intruder.
Needless to say, I felt my nine dollars for dinner plus what I
spent on drinks was well spent. I suggest to everyone that every
once in a while you should visit our brothers and sisters of the
Petoskey group, whether you I ive in Petoskey, Cheboygan,
Marquette, Traverse City, Cadillac or elsewhere. To quote Miss
Chi Chi Rodriguez, "No one is so rich to throw away a friend." (a
"To Wong Foo" reference)
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
Pr perty of the Cen_e_r________________________
BORN AGAIN PAGAN SEEKER
DETROIT: AFFIRMATIONS RECEIVES
GRANT FOR OUTREACH TO
STREET YOUTH
Alternatives for Girls, a homeless shelter for young women in
Detroit, and Affirmations have been awarded a collaborative
grant for outreach to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered
youth in the 6/7 Mile and Woodward corridors. In Carl
Rippberger Youth Services, we currently provide peer-education,
peer-counseling, support group, mentorship, and educational
activities to 40-50 youth each week at our center. A large number
of these youth have been involved in trading sex for money,
drugs, or shelter, thus Affirmations staff is very familiar with the
daily challenges that young lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgendered
young people face.
Affirmations will hire a youth outreach coordinator to provide
eight to ten hours of street outreach in conjunction with our youth
peer educators. Issues addressed with the youth will include
personal safety techniques, substance use information,
prostitution issues, HIV risk reduction and counseling techniques.
Additionally, our outreach staff will assist in weekly youth group
activities and provide follow-up and coordination of various
services to youth contracted through this new outreach work.
Our goal is to be as accessible and responsive to the needs of
our transient youth as possible, while promoting self-esteem and
other life-skill enhancement techniques. This is an exciting
program expansion for Affirmations' Youth Services and a
fabulous collaborative effort to serve the needs of Gay, Lesbian,
Bisexual and Transgendered youth.
(The address/phone for Affirmations can be found on our
Resource Page--on the back of this newsletter)
Richard Curtis
The wheel continues to turn. Darkness gives way to Light. The
Mother once more gives birth to the Son. Is there meaning to this
movement? To these symbols? At a church service this holiday season
the priest used as his central image "If a tree falls in the forest and no
one hears it, does it make a sound?" Supported by 'Modern Science'
his conclusion was that without perception sound does not exist. I
believe he intended this conclusion as a call for communal
witnessing-the need to be part of a community to be validated . A
very human feeling.
So far, I've spent the dark period of this year in introspection.
"The unexamined life is a life not worth living." No one who knows
me could accuse me of not analyzing everything I perceive. Some
would credit me with ridiculous, unfounded conclusions - but that
would be their opinion.
Verbal comments on some of my past columns have been that I
have 'preached' anti-Christian sentiment. This has never been my
intention. I have, however, intended to 'preach' against blind
adherence to outdated doctrine taught by addle-brained, hate-filled,
fools. The Christ was none of these, and in his teachings, as I have
read them, I believe he would agree with me. But too many have
claimed to speak for The Christ, to justify their own agendas, and I
wi 11 not do that.
One of the lights I've seen lately is in a book "Gay Soul" by Mark
Thompson. It is a compilation of interviews with gay men "Finding
the Heart of Gay Spirit and Nature." Any gay man interested in spirit/
soul should find this introduction to the greater gay community
blinding. James Braughton, Ram Dass, Joseph Kramer, Ed
Steinbrecher, Robert H. Hopcke - sixteen in all. Writers, healers,
teachers and visionaries. Not all their names are well known.
The majority of these men would be considered our Elders. We
need to respect them by hearing them. We need to respect them
because of what they have to say, what they have lived-what they
have to teach us about our selves.
If we don't hear them, do they cease to exist? Even the primitive
child's game we call 'Modern Science' confirms that plants are
affected and react to music and the emotions of people and beings
around them. How could a tree fall in a forest and not be heard, when
every tree hears it? Is there somewhere a forest without trees? Do any
of us exist in a vacuum?
We are all accountable to each other. If we turn a deaf ear to the
world, it does not cease to exist. If we choose to deny our actions,
ourselves, our feelings, our sexuality ... they will not cease to exist.
A wish for a Happy New Year - for a year where we can all
hear one another - for a year where we can all hear ourselves without fear to listen to our hearts, whether they sing in a choir of
hundreds or alone in a forest- and a year where no tree falls while
people turn deaf ears.
Let your light shine out from your own forest while you step
"Out" into a New Year.
Blessed Be
NE1WORKING 4S°NORTH
-11-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
IL A
JI IF JI JE D
(Note: All classified announcements as well as personals are run
without charge. Please submit them in writing to the Friends North
address, or call the editor and leave the advertisement on the answering
machine with a phone number/
GROUPS:
FRIENDS NORTH BOARD AND MEMBER MEETINGS: The Friends
North Board meets on the first Tuesday of each month at 6:30 pm. at their
NEW LOCATION at Grace Episcopal Church, corner of Washington and
Boardman Streets, across from the Old Courthouse.
ALL ARE
WELCOME, (issue 1)
FRIENDS NORTH RAP GROUP is a group of men and women who get
LOOKING FOR GAY, LESBIAN, bisexual and transgendered Catholic · together monthly for informal discussion, often on a particular topic.
people in Northern Michigan to help form a task force for ministry to likePlease join us on the 2nd Wednesday of every month at Grace Episcopal
Church, 349 Washington, T.C., at 7:30pm. For information, call Tom at
minded people. Call Jim McLaughlin at 517-821-4095. (issue 2)
275-6127 or Ed at 947-4697. (issue 1)
GLSTN, the Gay-Lesbian-Straight Teachers Network, is meeting monthly in
Traverse City. They welcome al I interested educators. For more information,
Bl-MONTHLY, Bl-SEXUAL, WOMEN'S LUNCHEON: Meet the first and
call M'Lynn at 943-8800. (issue 1)
third Tuesday of each month, from 11 :30 am until 1:00 at a local, Traverse
P-FLAG: (Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays.) This is a
City restaurant. Call Pamela at 922-0734 or contact Friends North. (issue 1)
network of parents, friends, and families of lesbians and gays who meet
PLEASE SPONSOR OUR POSTCARD PROJECT: They do make a monthly to offer information, support, and a place to talk with others
difference! The cost for printing the 2800 postcards is $100.00. To
about the issues concerning them. Gays and Lesbians are also welcome
contribute specifically to the Postcard Project, please call Richard at 271- and encouraged to attend P-FLAG meetings. Meet at Grace Episcopal
3042 or send a check (in an amount of $100.00 or less) directly to Friends Church every third Wednesday of the month, at 7:30 pm. For more
North. (issue 1)
information call Cindy Robb at 271-5045 (Issue 1)
QUESTIONS ABOUT HIV AND AIDS? Call locally 24 hours a day to
WINDFIRE: This is a local youth support group for teens and others under
947-1110. This program is sponsored by the HIV/AIDS Wellness the age of 25, which meets on a weekly basis in an atmosphere that is
Networks Grand Traverse Area and is staffed by Third Level Crisis Center comfortable and friendly. Please contact Third Level at 922-4800 or 1800-442-7315 fur location, date and time. (issue 2)
volunteers. (Issue 2)
THE UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST CONGREGATION OF PETOSKEY is OUT 'N ABOUT is a lesbian coffeehouse featuring entertainment as well
meeting at the Concord Academy, 2230 East Mitchell St. Services will be as a chance to meet others from the area. It all happens at the Unity
Church, 3600 Five Mile Rd. in T.C. Please see the Out 'n About calendar
held on alternate Sundays with dates disclosed in their newsletter,
elsewhere
in this newsletter for times and specific activities. (issue 2)
Diversity. Please call 348-3117 for details or write to us at POB 271,
TRAVERSE CITY FRONTRUNNERS If you are interested in running, call
Petoskey, Ml 49770-0271 (Issue 3)
Paul or Jim at 271-4510 and leave your name, number, and that you are
REPORT HATE CRIMES!! The Triangle Foundation of Michigan has
interested in Frontrunners. We will return your call with information on
begun a VICTIMS' PROGRAM COMMUNITY WATCH COALITION. The
where to meet. All ages and abilities are welcome. (issue 2)
group will collect hate-crime information from Lesbian and Gay victims
WELLNESS NETWORKS SUPPORT GROUP is for people with HIV or
of such crimes. For details, call 313-533-1166 or 517-753-9823 . Report
AIDS and they welcome you to attend. Please drop in Monday evenings
, Hate Crimes! Stop the Violence! (issue 2)
from 6:00 to 7:30 pm at the Grace Episcopal Church library at 341
GRAND TRAVERSE COUNTY HEALTH D~PARTMENT: Their
Washington in Traverse City. Every fourth Monday of the month the
Reproductive Health Clinic is open to women and men of all ages.
Significant-Other Support Group will be meeting at 3301 Veterans Drive,
Confidential services provided are physical exams, HIV counseling and
Suite 221, just north of S. Airport Road. For further information, please
testing, pregnancy testing, sexual transmitted disease testing and
call 933-0279. (issue 2)
treatment, all methods of birth control available, FREE Norplants, Depo- THE PETOSKEY GROUP: A social group for lesbian, gay and bi-sexual
Provera, IUDs, a,nd Condoms. For more info about these and other persons is meeting weekly in Petoskey. The group meets at 7 p.m.
methods which are charged on a sliding fee scale, call 922-4630.
Thursdays at the Park Garden Cafe on Lake Street. For information please
Services are by appointment only. (issue 2)
contact Tim at 348-8151 (issue 1)
NORTHERN MICHIGAN WOMYN'S CHOIR is always looking for new
voices. To obtain more information or for a performance schedule, please
contact Deb at 275-5924. (issue 2)
H.A.N.D.S is an HIV/AIDS Network located in Petoskey. They are
LOOKING FOR WOMYN in their 50's and 60's for correspondence.
would like to move into your area after my house sells. Need to know if currently seeking volunteers in the northern lower peninsula and eastern
upper peninsula of Michigan. HANDS is a non-profit organization that
anyone has an apt. for rent, or shared housing until I can re-establish my
business. I'm a furniture and interior wood refinisher, also like to do has committed itself to helping and supporting the needs of HIV infected
houses that are considered "fixers." Please write if you feel you might persons. They offer a number of services, including support groups,
education, public awareness, and one-on-one friendship support.
have something of interest for me. Would like to have a friend in the area
Volunteers are urgently needed in the Alpena, Gaylord, and Rogers City
when I more. Will answer all. J.A. Morrison, 508 Delia St., Ludington,
areas. If you would be interested in the program, please call 616-526Ml 49431; 616-845-1542 (issue 1)
9213. (issue 2)
GWF-Age 51, shirt and jeans woman ...loves good company, long Sunday
GAY ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Meetings for gays and lesbians are
drives, country music, nature, picnics, camping, and much more. I am
held each Saturday at 11 :00 am and have been moved to a new location
honest, sincere, caring and romantic. Looking for a good close friend and
at Grace Episcopal Church, corner Washington and Boardman Streets in
possibly more, so any singles out there, please write. I will answer all.
TC. For further info, call John at 922-0746 or Tom at 947-4647. (issue 2)
Sharon, 8595 N.E. Limits, Mancelona, Ml 49659 (issue 2)
FRIENDS LIKE US: A social group in north east lower Michigan for gay,
lesbian, and bisexual people. Meets monthly. For info, please contact Jeff
@ 517-354-7702, or write to him at POB 391, Alpena, Ml 49707. (issue 2)
NEW ANNOUNCEMENTS
ON-GOING ANNOUNCEMENTS
PERSONALS:
NE1WORKING 45°NORTH
-12-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
SHARED LETTERS
Discouraging Comments
The comments of Rep. Michelle McManus regarding the recent
Hawaiian court decision regarding marriage, as reported in the
December 5 Record-Eagle are discouraging. For an individual who
is an integral part of the constitutional system, and our representative
in that system, she displays an astonishing lack of understanding
regarding the function and structure of the system.
McManus opined that it was "undemocratic to have one of the
institutions of society transformed through the acts of a court." A
cursory review of any high school civics text would reveal that one
of the primary intentions of the founding fathers in establishing an
independent judiciary was to guarantee just such authority. And that
authority has been exercised many times over in our history to the
great benefit of the country; has Representative McManus ever heard
of Brown vs. Board of Educ.ation?
It is essential to distinguish between the decision itself and the
process by which it came to exist. There certainly are varying
opinions on the wisdom of the Hawaii decision. But to attack the
authority of the court to make the decision itself is to attack our
constitutional system. An elected representative should know better.
Thankfully, the Bill of Rights established, and an independent
judiciary has preserved, the right of any citizen to publicly express
his or her opinion. Regrettably, Rep. McManus's exercise of this right
reveals a distressing gap in her understanding of the very system she
is sworn to defend and uphold.
Wallace H. Tuttle.
Traverse City.
Reprinted from the Traverse City Record-Eagle
A Friends North Special Event
GAME NIGHT
Dear Friends:
Through my dear friend, John Evans, I was introduced to your
excellent publication and I am enjoying reading of the activities
of "our" people in my own home state.
I must, however, protest the thoughts of Daniel Zingale,
political director of the Human Rights Campaign published in the
November/December issue. We need to examine closely, the
thoughts and the motivations of those who would lead in our
struggle for recognition as citizens with the same rights and
privileges and other Americans. We need to take great care before
we elect to battle those who are not worthy of being our enemies.
I appreciated his thought that we are a spiritual community
- it is a fact that is too often ignored by far too many people. But
then he goes on to define our spirituality in the same terms as
those who interpret religion as a collection of fanciful credos and
magnificent buildings. Somehow, we appear to have forgotten
that religion is supposed to be the food through which our souls
are fed. And if the soul isn't well nourished, there is little hope for
development of spirituality among our people. We are truly blind
if we can not understand that the real reason for the distance
between the "church" and our community is because the hatemongers in their midst are "slopping in the troughts" (if I am
allowed the use of an old mid-Thumb expression of speech) of the
one who truly is the enemy of our souls.
We need to pray for the partnership between MCC and HRC
as they embark on a campaign to duplicate the handiwork of the
Christian Coalition in the area of voter registration. They need to
take a close look at the spirits engendered by those who would
turn our church assemblies into political pedestals. They are not
pretty and they have no place within our religious institutions.
Are there others who will stand up and say we could care less
how the Christian Coalition acts or what they say - what can be
gained by debating with those who are at heart, students in the
Anita Bryant school of applied theology? We are not to be
scapegoats - and surely not the grist by which the bigots operate
their money making mills. Maybe it is time that we let our light
shine in their midst - somehow it seems quite appropriate!
Sherwood MacRae, Nashville, TN.
Saturday, January 11
at the home of Jim Walker and Dave Shultz
in
Eastport
(Carpooling is recommended, due to limited parking)
7:00 pm
Bring snacks and beverage
and your favorite board or card game
Contact Tim Evans for Directions
616-348-8151
NE1WORKING 45°NORTH
Open Monday-Saturday- 6:00 pm - Sunday at 2:00 pm
616,, 935,, 1666,, 520 Franklin Y Traverse City, MI 49684
Proud! Ga Owned and O rated since 1989
-13-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
LILIES
Film reviewed by David Collins
Who would have thought 1912 backwoods Quebec could look so
sexy. But in the fanciful mood of director John Greyson [Zero Patience],
the isolated northern town of Roberval becomes a hotbed of crossdressing, theatrical intrigue and gay romance.
Greyson's new film,
Lilies,
presents
a
performance by a group of
prison inmates that slowly
uncovers the story of a
doomed
love
triangle
between three schoolboys,
40 years earlier. Within the
prison audience are two
sides of the triangle, now
grown men: a Catholic
bishop and one of the
inmates wrongly convicted
in the death of the third.
A richly painted memory piece, Lilies overflows with beautiful
images: a lavishly ornate air balloon hangs high above gathering town
folks, the sun rises crimson red over a tranquil lake, ethereal choir
music resonates through the solitude and beautiful boys make love in
a steaming bath prepared approvingly by mother.
Mother [Tony award winner Brent Carver, Kiss of the
Spiderwoman] is the dizzy, aristocratic motor that powers many of the
film's scenes. After unwittingly interrupting her son and his lover a
second time, moments before their long-awaited kiss, she sighs, "No
not again; won't we ever get to see the end?"
We are well-acquainted with films that leave gay romance in
suspense and recognize our own familiar questions, as she asks: "Why
do you always stop at the same point?" Not this time; they follow
through with the kiss, "with a passion that would make all the women
of Roberval blush with envy" according to the Countess.
The accomplished cast, headed by Carver, was easy to assemble
due to the success of the original play. Easy, that is, except for the major
role of the Countess' son. "We couldn't find a Valiere. Then we met
Danny, just out of school. When he came into the audition, he was very
nervous-but there was one scene, the bath scene, he'd actually
performed in his high school. Can you imagine going to high school in
your theater arts class, that's the scene you do? Things are changing."
The film slips seamlessly between the two time periods,
occasionally mixing the characters to create strange hybrid scenes. In
one scene, the boy who will become the Bishop serves his older self
wine with a knowing smile.
Lilies is about looking directly at our past and coming to terms with
it. This is nowhere more evident than after the climatic death of the
Countess. The convict and the Bishop are transported out of their jail,
to sit contemplatively at the side of the lake, watching the sun rise. "The
strength of the sunrise," explains Greyson, "was all about getting them
to a point of incredible reflection, where there's no longer any distance
between yourself and your memory. You are inside the memory." The
trip inside this memory is one of welcomed and intoxicating beauty.
NE1WORKING 4S'NORTH
-14-
AROUSAL SURVEY SUGGESTS DENIAL
AMONG HOMOPHOBES
(Editor's Note: In another earlier issue, we ran a similar article,
but the way the survey was measured was never explained. This
might just fill in the blanks.)
It's an old adage, and once again shown to be true: What you
hate most in other people often is a reflection of what is inside you.
Henry Adams, a psychologist at the University of Georgia, was
interested in the link between sexual feelings and anti-gay violence.
More than one-third of homosexuals have been physically attacked
at least once because of their sexual orientation, and nearly all have
been taunted or threatened in some way.
Adams recruited 64 male heterosexual students and divided
them into two groups, which he labeled "homophobe" and "nonhomophobe," depending on the levels of dread and anger they
described feeling when interacting with homosexuals. He asked all
the men to watch short erotic videotapes showing lovemaking among
heterosexuals, gay males and lesbians.
Then he measured their physical arousal. Both groups of men
responded with erections to the heterosexual and lesbian sex scenes.
But 80 percent of the homophobes - compared to 34 percent of the
nonhomophobes - also got erections when watching homosexual
lovemaking, even though they claimed not to feel turned on.
Sometimes anxiety can enhance arousal and erection, although
Adams expressed doubt that this explains the magnitude of the
homophobic group's response. Psychologists have long believed that
some people who feel discomfort, aversion and rage when they
encounter gays are repressing homosexual urges. Adams thinks the
emotional confusion can lead to physical aggression.
"Most homophobic males don't want to believe that they can
have some feelings for the same sex," Adams say. "The intense fear
that one might be homosexual can trigger tremendous hostility."
(Reprinted from the Chicago Tribune.)
Char P. Kirchner,
CPA, MSA
Tax Returns - Confidential & Discreet
Single Taxpayers - Use your filing status to your advantage
Un-Married Couples - Take advantage of all your options
Appointments in Williamsburg or Traverse City
P. 0. Box 1040
Williamsburg, MI 49690-1040
(616) 267-5818
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL
LOVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE
TRACKS
By Michael H. Price
It helps to be a devotee of gay romance and cloyingly upbeat
pop music to get any worth out of Hettie Macdonald's "Beautiful
Thing," but no one can deny the film's forthright purpose and
clarity.
Macdonald's breakthrough is twofold: She resists the middleclass/professional/intellectual stereotype that Hollywood has
seized upon in attempting to categorize some convenient "gay
lifestyle," as in
"Longtime
Companion , "
"Philadelphia"
and "It's My
Party."
And
Macdonald, an
English
director fresh
from the stage,
singlehandedly
resurrects the
long-ignored
singing career
Jamie, occupant of London housing pro;ect, is
of Mama Cass
obsessed with his sporty neighbor, Ste.
Elliott.
Neither is a small task. Mama Cass died 22 years ago but left
an extensive legacy - much of it (apart from her perennials with The
Mamas and the Papas) mercifully forgotten until now.
Cass had a mellow voice and a taste for Tin Pan Alley schmaltz.
This combo is just the ticket to appeal to a teen-age girl (played by
Tameka Empson) who, as a neglected dropout with only the
phonograph for a maternal role model, bombards her
neighborhood and the film's soundtrack with "It's Getting Better"
and its sticky-sweet kind.
Such underscoring makes for an odd counterpoint to the
greater story, which involves an introverted teen-ager named Jamie
(Glen Berry), his more extroverted neighbor pal, Ste (Scott Neal),
and the romantic attraction between them. Seems Ste's home life is
so brutal that the lad finally inquires whether he might take refuge
with Jamie.
One thing leads - awkwardly, at first - to another, and soon
enough the boys have commenced an affair whose pitfalls seem to
occur only vaguely to screenwriter Jonathan Harvey. Berry and
Neal convey vividly the mingled defiance and hesitancy that any
such couple might display in a harsh working-class environment.
The film minimizes the difficulties, however, preferring a rosecolored outlook tinged with droll comedy. About the cruelest act
rendered here is a blur of uncouth graffiti - that, and the rumormongering of the Cass-obsessed neighbor girl. Even the music
(though it wears somewhat thin) is used for smart irony, a candycoating on a gritty environment.
Following is a list of the films screening in the main categories at
the Sundance Film Festival, which runs Jan. 16-26 in Park City, Utah.
Non-competition U.S. premieres: [list abbreviated to highlight
films with gay theme. Others may have a gay theme but their reviews
didn't explicitly say so]:
- Kevin Smith's "Chasing Amy," a romantic comedy from
Miramax in which a young man (Ben Affleck) falls in love with a
lesbian 0oey Lauren Adams).
- Joe Mantello's "Love! Valour! Compassion!," an adaptation of
Terrence McNally's hit play, to be distributed by Fine Line, starring
the original Broadway cast with the exception of Jason Alexander,
who fills the Nathan Lane role.
- Gregg Araki's "Nowhere," a stylized ensemble comedy that
satirizes the blank generation types who have populated his films to
this point, from Fine Line.
Set for the dramatic competition are the following features:
- Alex Sichel's "All Over Me," a lesbian coming-of-age tale that
will be released by Fine Line.
- Ira Sachs' "The Delta," which showed at Toronto, about a
young Asian gay man and his relationship with a middle-class wh ite '
man.
The following films were selected for the documentary
competition:
- Su Friedrich's "Hide and Seek," an experimental semi documentary about the childhoods of lesbians.
- Arthur Dong's "License to Kill," a film about gay bashing.
- Gina Reticker's "New School Order," which depicts the
attempted takeover of school boards by the Christian Right and the
fight to stop it by a Pennsylvania community.
- Monte Bramer's "Paul Monette: The Brink of Summer's End," a
study of the gay writer.
Five Midnight attractions will be screened:
- Kelly Sane's "Franchesca Page," about a drag queen.
- John Waters' "Pink Flamingos," a relaunch from Fine Line of
the seminal underground classic.
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
WORDS AND MUSIC: A LOCAL GUIDE To
BOOKS, MAGAZINES, TAPES AND CD's
By Rick Gould
You'll be noticing some changes in the booklist in 1997. There are
new stores, new opportunities for the gay and lesbian community, and
established stores trying new things. And the booklist will be, to
paraphrase Goldie Hawn in The First Wives Club, "freshened up!"
Now on to the winter booklist:
At The Bookie Joint, Shelley is drastically reducing prices on new
gay and lesbian books. This is to make way for building up a used gay
and lesbian book section, with your help. Bring in your past favorite
books and talk money, trade, or consignment. Hopefully, the used gay/
lesbian section will become as successful as.the mainstream used book
sections in The Bookie Joint. The discounts on her current new books
will range from 25-40% over January and February. The store will still
continue to carry gay/lesbian magazines, buttons, bumper stickers,
jewelry, and other pride paraphernalia.
At Horizon Books, Alex recommended:
Gay and Lesbian On-line by Jeff Dawson, $15.95. "A fascinating
guidebook for travelers exploring the world of queer cyberspace" says
Cleve Jones, founder of The NAMES Project.
Boys Like Us: Gay Writers Tell Their Coming Out Stories, edited
by Patrick Merla, $24.00. Told chronologically from Manhattan in the
late'40s to San Francisco in the early '90s, these personal essays create
a documentary of changing social and sexual mores during the last halfcentury.
The Girls Next Door: Into The Heart Of Lesbian America, by
Lindsy Van Gelder and Pamela Robin Brandt, $23.00. Drawing on
more than a hundred interviews with women around the country, Van
Gelder and Brandt have composed a stunning portrait on gay women
today, and how they think, feel, live and love.
At Comics North in Cheboygan, Dave sent us this list:
Seven Miles A Second, by David Wojnarowicz, $7.95. The
autobiography of the controversial artist/writer, who went from a child
prostitute/drug addict to an adult living with AIDS. yet his will to live
compels him to fight against a complacent world.
Drag Queens of New York: An Illustrated Field Guide, by Julian
Fleisher, $13.00. Purports to tell the true story of the worlds most
productive drag queen eco-system! Are we talkin' hand-me-downs
here, or does it really scratch the surface, so to speak?
Peach Slices by Donna Barr, $9.95. The many and varied
illustrated stories starring the Desert Peach, the unfortunately fictional
gay brother of WWll's The Desert Fox!
Dave also has back issues of gay and lesbian comics, so check it
out!
At Open Mind Books in Sault Ste. Marie, Dan gave us the
following suggestions:
And Then I Met This Woman, by Barbee Cassingham and Sally O'
Neil. $ 9.95. Features 36 true stories of women transformed by their
encounters with other women.
Gay Hollywood, by Steve Steward, $15.95. Packed with photos,
plot summaries, ratings and juicy quotes, this guide spotlights over a
hundred films and videos with gay/lesbian themes.
NE1WORKING 45°NORTH
-16-
Out Sounds, by Will Grega and Randy Jones, $12.00. With
virtually every kind of music represented, this book reviews many
current CDs and cassettes by gay and lesbian performers on
independent labels.
Lesbian Bedtime Stories, edited by Terry Woodrow, $9.95 and
$10.95. Both volumes are a treasury of humor, warmth and excitement.
At Borders in Traverse City, Joe gave us the following list:
Pryor Rendering, by Gary Reed, $20.95. A novel set in dusty
Oklahoma that tells of a boy's devotion to his saloon keeper
grandfather and his own sexual coming-of-age. Kirkus Review called it
"a near perfect little tale, and a compelling alternative to the spate of
gay epics that have lately inundated readers."
Farm Boys, non-fiction, by Wills Fellows, $27.50. An oral history
of growing up gay in the rural mid-west. Full of humor, pathos and
bathos. Sounds like Showgirls!
Homosexuality In History, by Colin Spencer, $29.00. An
entertaining and readable overview of homosexual behavior across
time and history.
And don't forget, AB CD's has moved further downtown on
Traverse City's Front Street. They are next door to The Big Boy, formerly
Miner's North, at 157 E. ,Front. Stop by and check out their new location
or give them a call at 946-2112.
These stores appreciate your business and comments.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
For those who have checked out Borders, it has been noted that
they have an extensive and labeled gay and lesbian book section and
carry a healthy selection of gay and lesbian magazines. Also, book
discussion groups are being started at Borders, including contemporary
literature and Jewish literature. A gay and lesbian reading group would
be welcome, says Borders' Joe Ginis, their community relations
coordinator. Well, folks here's your big chance! Coffee, books, a
pleasant atmosphere, what more could you ask? No more slogging
through "social studies" or feeling like you've won a scavenger hunt
when you find a new gay/lesbian book buried among the mainstream
stuff.
Borders would like to see a group leader from the community, so
give Joe a call at 616-933-0412. This person should have both literary
and leadership skills, or be willing to develop them. Hopefully,
someone will answer the call and also, perhaps this will be a wakeup
call for some of our other stores in the community to realize what an
untapped potential there is in our gay and lesbian consumers.
B
lm.i:I
arker Creek Nurseiy
LANDSCAPING AND GARDEN CENTER
Gordon Coy-Terry Bertrand
(616) 267-5972
7048 M-72 N.W., Williamsburg, Ml 49690
Whitewater Landscaping & Lawn Care
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
MEMBER SERVICES COMMITTEE
Survey Results
by M'Lynn Hartwell
Friends North growth had left us with an incomplete picture of
who our membership is and what programs and services you value
the most from us. A primary goal of the Member Services committee
of the Friends North Board of Directors to become your ears and
voice. Our job is to listen to what -you- the Friends North duespaying members have to say about how your elected board may
serve our community better.
As of th is date, slightly more than eight-percent of our newsletter
recipients have returned their Member Services Committee Survey
questionnaire and this is what you are telling us about ourselves.
65% of the those people who took the time to respond are Male,
compared to 35% who are Female. As nearly as we can determine,
the overall Friends North membership is 54% male and 46% female,
so the men clearly have so far had more to say about our organization
in response to this survey. All of the men who responded to the survey
identified as Gay Male, whereas 33% of the women identified as
Lesbian and 2% of the women identified as Bisexual. No respondents
have identified as either Heterosexual or Transgendered.
As a whole, we tend to be aging a bit. 70% of us claimed to be
over the age of thirty-six. If we examine the age question in more
detail, we see that 34% of us are 36-45 years old. 21 % are 46-55
years old, and 15% over the age of fifty-five. The remaining 30% of
our membership is younger than thirty-five.
Friends North members apparently earn more money than the
average citizen in northern Michigan. A whopping 77% of us claim
to earn over $25,000 a year, including 22% of us that said that we
earned more than $50,000 per year. Twenty three percent of us claim
our earnings as less than $25,000. Note: I have not broken down
income by gender, age or any other indicators yet, but I am certain
that this will be an interesting exercise that I may wish to conduct
later as we accumulate a larger number of survey responses.
Some of our members have been with us from the very
establishment of the organization (correct me if I am wrong on this)
in the year 1982. The average membership term however is 4.5 years.
Most of the "new" Friends North members are women.
When asked why you joined Friends North you answered:
65% I Believe in the General Mission of the Organization
57% To Meet like-minded People
40% I Have Participated in Friends North Events/Programs and
Was Pleased with My Experience
38% I Know Someone Who ls/Was Involved in the Organization
32% I Am Impressed by the Organization's Work to Date
28% I Need/Want the Organization's Support in My Life
19% I (Or Someone Close to Me) Was Deeply Affected by
Homophobia
6% I Was Personally AffectedNictimized by Hate Crime
(100% Verbal & 100% Physical)
5% Someone Close to Me Was AffectedNictimized by Hate
Crime (50% Verbal & 50% Physical)
We tend to be involved in our community. In addition to Friends
North, many of us volunteer our time in other organizations. 15% of
the people who responded indicated that they are active with the
Wellness Network, and the same number claimed involvement with
the Out 'n About Lesbian Coffeehouse. Nearly as many showed an
interest and involvemet with PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays), and a growing group interested in GLSTN (Gay
Lesbian Straight Teachers Network) came in next. Other
organizations mentioned included: Gay Alcoholics Anonymous, the
National Organization of Women, the Rapp Group, Windfire and
several others ranging from the Network in Grand Rapids, to the '
National gay/lesbian task force and LAHR, to the ALCU and
Affirmations.
A clear majority of you indicated that you wanted Friends North
to provide Advocacy services and help others within our community.
The task ahead will be for Friends North to take a more active role in
establishing effective connections with various public and private
agencies and the raising of public awareness on the Issue of
homophobia through the Media and Other Means. Most of you (5 7%)
urged us to move toward the creation of a Lesbian/Gay/Bi-friendly
Regional Business Directory. Other popular ideas included: (48%)
Creating Informative Materials for Use in Northern Michigan
Communities, (44%) Providing More Member Oriented Services (e.g.,
a Lending Library for Books and Videos), (38%) Additional
Programming (e.g., a Speaker/ Entertainer Series), (38%) Providing
Friends North Membership Cards (Includes Discounts at Area
Businesses), (38%) Developing Regional Chapters and Increasing
Membership (e.g., Petoskey, Charlevoix etc.) And (32%) Establishing a
Trained (Lesbian/Gay) Speakers Bureau. Many of you provided ideas
THE BOOKIE JOINT..
RECYCLED PAPERBACKS
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ALSO SPE(IALIZIN4 IN
ALTERNATIVE
& LESBIAN/GAY M.I.GAIIHES AHi> BOOKS
WoMvN's Music, ijSED Rl<ORl>S AND CoM1cs
•
•
120 s. UNION ST.• TRAVERSE CITY, Ml 49684
814-B S. Garfield• Traverse City, MI 49686
Res: 616-275-2502 • Office 616-933-4424
616-946-8861
NElWORKING 45'NORTH
Activator Method (low force technique)
and gentle manual adjusting
Massage Therapy
Holistic Health & Wellness Educator
-17-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
that the newly elected board of directors will actively discuss in 1997.
Nearly everybody who responded to the survey had many kind
words to say about the Friends North organization, but also included
were some points of criticism that we we should make some effort to
remedy. Some of constructive criticism included: the existence of
cliques, and the judging of others without knowing them. Others
noted a need to be more inclusive. More than one person said, "I
attended [functions and meetings] and felt like an outsider." One
such comment was followed by the simple and positive suggestion
that "board members should walk around and greet and welcome
people, not just chat with folks they already know." Some
respondents felt that we were too political as an organization, others
felt that we were not political enough. I will continue to share survey
results, comments and suggestions from you, our Friends North
members, in future articles.
A perennial question that we often ask is: Who are we, who do we,
or should we, represent as an organization? The overwhelming
majority of you feel that we should represent -all- queer folks
(lesbians, gays, bisexuals and the transgendered) as well as those
people that share our lives.
Currently the Member Services Committee of Friends North consists
of Julie Parker, Brenda Bartz, Tom Kincaid and yours truly, M'Lynn
Hartwell. We would like to invite you to join with us in seeking a
clearer understanding of our community and developing new ideas
based upon that understanding. It is our goal that this board will try
to serve you, our membership, better than ever before. You do not
have to be a member of the Friends North Board to serve on the
Member Services Committee.
Friends North represents you! Hearing what you have to say is
critical-if we are to do our job well. You may contact Friends North
at Post Office Box 572, Traverse City Ml 49685.
You may contact M'Lynn directly at PO Box Nine, Traverse City Ml
49685, or via E-mail at: lesnmore@aol.com or GLSTN TC@aol.com
KEVIN B. WOLF
Nov. 20, 1968 - Jan. 12, 1996
Dear KB,
I Love You and I Miss You ... Our Life together was an
adventure filled with Love, Affection, Laughter, Travel, Moving
to discover new places together, and Our Wonderful Family &
Great Friends ...
But Best of all it was filled with You & Me ...
I Hope you found Music in Heaven ...
I'm finding life again ... Thanks to our Village ...
When the tears and sadness continue to come I'm scooped
up and held just as You would ... Your woven into My Heart &
Life.
Sleep Tight. .. Stay Close
Love Lamer
Oim lngleson)
NElWORKING 45°NORTH
TRIANGLE REPORT
Henry Messer
The TRIANGLE FOUNDATION held a Board retreat in Douglas,
Michigan, November 22-24, 1996.
In addition to the Trustees, some Advisors a few guests who are
very important to the organization, attended.At this weekend retreat,
major enhancements in the organization were put forward.
The Mission Statement was revised somewhat. The Goals and
Objectives of TRIANGLE were revisited and clarified with specific
persons designated to carry some of them out.
Because of rapid growth of the TRIANGLE FOUNDATION, the
organization can no longer just get along with minimal underpaid
staff and some volunteers. Professional expertise in direction is
needed.
The TRIANGLE FOUNDATION gives the most bang for the buck
of any organization that we know of, but as organizations grow,
professional management becomes required, and will allow an even
more efficient operation.
There has been a tentative commitment from an individual to
make a $25,000.00 challenge grant for development to the
organization. This grant would depend on raising a matching
$25,000.00 from general sources, dedicated to that development.
With that $50,000.00 plus an additional $25,000.00 requested from
the Hope Fund, we should be able to recruit and hire a full time
Executive Director and raise salaries of our present staff to more
acceptable levels. A search committee has been named to begin the
search.
The organization is moving rapidly toward more Michigan statewide agendas.
Catherine Bailey is on board to work with
organizations around the whole state regarding Legislative Policy
matters. The Anti-Violence Project has already established several
reporting stations about the state, and this project is now in the hands
of Sean Kosofsky.
A libel lawsuit against Rep. Deborah Whyman of Canton is being
written.
Progress!
If you would like to know more, please give us a call at 313-5373323.
502 E. Eighth St. • 616-947-1965
COPIES • PRINTING • SHIPPING • FAX
Joann Ewing • Brian Bensett • Richard Curtis
A DIVISION OF LASER PERFECT PLUS, INC.
-18-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
that the newly elected board of directors will actively discuss in 1997.
Nearly everybody who responded to the survey had many kind
words to say about the Friends North organization, but also included
were some points of criticism that we we should make some effort to
remedy. Some of constructive criticism included: the existence of
cliques, and the judging of others without knowing them. Others
noted a need to be more inclusive. More than one person said, "I
attended [functions and meetings] and felt like an outsider." One
such comment was followed by the simple and positive suggestion
that "board members should walk around and greet and welcome
people, not just chat with folks they already know." Some
respondents felt that we were too political as an organization, others
felt that we were not political enough. I will continue to share survey
results, comments and suggestions from you, our Friends North
members, in future articles.
A perennial question that we often ask is: Who are we, who do we,
or should we, represent as an organization? The overwhelming
majority of you feel that we should represent -all- queer folks
(lesbians, gays, bisexuals and the transgendered) as well as those
people that share our lives.
Currently the Member Services Committee of Friends North consists
of Julie Parker, Brenda Bartz, Tom Kincaid and yours truly, M'Lynn
Hartwell. We would like to invite you to join with us in seeking a
clearer understanding of our community and developing new ideas
based upon that understanding. It is our goal that this board will try
to serve you, our membership, better than ever before. You do not
have to be a member of the Friends North Board to serve on the
Member Services Committee.
Friends North represents you! Hearing what you have to say is
critical-if we are to do our job well. You may contact Friends North
at Post Office Box 572, Traverse City Ml 49685.
You may contact M'Lynn directly at PO Box Nine, Traverse City Ml
49685, or via E-mail at: lesnmore@aol.com or GLSTN TC@aol.com
KEVIN B. WOLF
Nov. 20, 1968 - Jan. 12, 1996
Dear KB,
I Love You and I Miss You ... Our Life together was an
adventure filled with Love, Affection, Laughter, Travel, Moving
to discover new places together, and Our Wonderful Family &
Great Friends ...
But Best of all it was filled with You & Me ...
I Hope you found Music in Heaven ...
I'm finding life again ... Thanks to our Village ...
When the tears and sadness continue to come I'm scooped
up and held just as You would ... Your woven into My Heart &
Life.
Sleep Tight... Stay Close
Love Lamer
(Jim lngleson)
NElWORKING 45°NORTH
TRIANGLE REPORT
Henry Messer
The TRIANGLE FOUNDATION held a Board retreat in Douglas,
Michigan, November 22-24, 1996.
In addition to the Trustees, some Advisors a few guests who are
very important to the organization, attended.At this weekend retreat,
major enhancements in the organization were put forward.
The Mission Statement was revised somewhat. The Goals and
Objectives of TRIANGLE were revisited and clarified with specific
persons designated to carry some of them out.
Because of rapid growth of the TRIANGLE FOUNDATION, the
organization can no longer just get along with minimal underpaid
staff and some volunteers. Professional expertise in direction is
needed.
The TRIANGLE FOUNDATION gives the most bang for the buck
of any organization that we know of, but as organizations grow,
professional management becomes required, and will allow an even
more efficient operation.
There has been a tentative commitment from an individual to
make a $25,000.00 challenge grant for development to the
organization. This grant would depend on raising a matching
$25,000.00 from general sources, dedicated to that development.
With that $50,000.00 plus an additional $25,000.00 requested from
the Hope Fund, we should be able to recruit and hire a full time
Executive Director and raise salaries of our present staff to more
acceptable levels. A search committee has been named to begin the
search.
The organization is moving rapidly toward more Michigan statewide agendas.
Catherine Bailey is on board to work with
organizations around the whole state regarding Legislative Policy
matters. The Anti-Violence Project has already established several
reporting stations about the state, and this project is now in the hands
of Sean Kosofsky.
A libel lawsuit against Rep. Deborah Whyman of Canton is being
written.
Progress!
If you would like to know more, please give usa call at313-5373323.
502 E. Eighth St. • 616-947-1965
COPIES • PRINTING • SHIPPING • FAX
Joann Ewing • Brian Bensett • Richard Curtis
A DIVISION OF LASER PERFECT PLUS, INC.
-18-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
NEWS CLIPS
Richard Tuxbury
Ford Motor Company Doesn't Discriminate
Chairman Alex Trotman has changed Corporate Policy Letter No.
2 to include sexual orientation as one of the groups protected by nondiscrimination. The new Ford Motor Company policy is dated
November 14, 1996.
Massachusetts Would Honor Gay Unions
Gov. William F. Weld declared that if a Hawaiian law
recognizing gay marriages is upheld by that state's Supreme Court,
Massachusetts will be forced to recognize those bonds as legal and
to endow the newlyweds with "all the benefits and burdens of
marriage."
Weld said he views the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which
was recently passed by Congress and is designed to allow states to
ignore gay marriages sanctioned by other states, as clearly
"unconstitutional."
Weld said that his primary obi igation as governor is not to adhere
to the will of Congress but to the words of the US Constitution. And
he said he believes the Constitution requires Massachusetts and other
states to recognize the legitimacy of gay couples who might
eventually marry in Hawaii and travel or move to Massachusetts.
Mixner To Marry
David Mixner, 50, considered President Clinton's best only gay
buddy, says he will 'marry' artist Patrick Marston, 30, in November
at a Los Angeles church. Mixner, a political strategist, helped raise
millions for the president's 1992 run for office.
Homosexual couples in the Netherlands would be permitted to
register their relationships as a legally binding union under a
proposed law. The proposal has broad backing in Parliament and is
expected to become law in January 1998. It would give registered
same-sex couples nearly identical rights as married heterosexualsexcept that gay couples would not be allowed to adopt children, said
a Justice Ministry spokeswoman.
Gay-rights advocates say the law would be a significant step
toward recognizing homosexual marriages. The proposed law would
give gay couples the same pension, social security and inheritance
rights as married couples and enforce alimony payments after a
breakup. Homosexuals already are welcome in the military.
Brazil Moves Forward on Gay Marriage
A Senate committee approved a measure that would recognize
the union between gay couples, Globo television reported.The
measure would allow gay couples to sign a contract of partnership
giving them the right to file joint tax returns as well as grant
inheritance and pension rights to the surviving partner should one of
them die.
Gay couples would not, however, be allowed to adopt children
nor use one or the other's surname. The bill must now be voted on in
both the Chamber of Deputies and the Senate where it is expected to
meet fierce resistance from the so-called evangelical wing.
A recent survey conducted by the Datafolha institute showed that
51 percent of Brazilian opposed the measure, while 37 percent
supported the measure and 11 percent were indifferent.
Activists Seek to Host Gay Games in 2002
California Group Investigates Retirement
Community of Our Own
A Bay Area group is seeking ideas and input from those who are
approaching or have reached retirement age who might consider
such a venture. They are looking to locate the community within one
hour of a large city, and would propose that residences run from
$80,000 to $200,000.
They envision a community that is perhaps similar to Sun City
which has about 4,000 homes and has all the amenities of an active,
adult, retirement community.
Contact the Study Group by mail at POB 13, San Anselmo, CA,
94979, or at 415-487-5439.
Perot Systems gives gay partner benefits
A newspaper report says Perot Systems is now offering health
insurance benefits to gay and lesbian partners of employees.
The Dallas Morning News reports that Perot Systems is the first major
Texas-based company to make such an offer. Company officials could
not be reached for comment, but spokeswoman Tara Sexton tells The
News, "We want to attract, develop and recognize talented people."
She says taking good care of workers and their loved ones is the
way to attract and keep talent. Marriages between persons of the
same sex are not valid in most states, so homosexual partners of
covered workers can be locked out of benefits packages without such
plans as Perot Systems has instituted.
NE1WORKING 4S°NORTH
Proposed Law Would Expand Rights of
Registered Gay Couples
-19-
Gays and lesbians in Long Beach hope to bring Gay Games VI to
Long Beach, an event that would draw about 15,000 athletes from
throughout the world.
Andra-Nina Davis, a triathlete and chairwoman of Long Beach
Games 2002 Inc., is bringing members of the community together
next week to begin preparing a formal proposal to the Federation of
Gay Games, the organization that will name the host city next
November.
Davis says Long Beach, home to the third-largest gay and lesbian
community in California after San Francisco and West Hollywood, is
uniquely suited to host the event because of its weather, tourism
resources and past success at hosting similar events. The other cities
competing to host the nine-day games are Dallas, Minneapolis,
Toronto, Montreal and Melbourne and Sydney, Australia.
"We want the whole community-gay and straight-to embrace
it," Davis said. "We want to involve Los Angeles and San Diego."
South Africa Protects Gays and Lesbians
A new constitution guaranteeing equal rights in South Africa
finally won approval Wednesday from the Constitutional Court. The
150-page constitution drafted over two years is one of the most liberal
in the world, outlawing capital punishment and protecting gay and
lesbian rights.
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
DEARLY BELOVED
claim is simple: If sanction is afforded to one group, it should be
afforded to all groups.
Lost among the passionate cries for legalization of some sex marriage
But how will our relationships be affected by the institution of
is the private conversation, ambivalent and anxious,
marriage,
a kind of emotional apogee for heterosexuals who grow up
that many gays ore having.
By Achy Obejas, Cultural Affairs Writer anticipating it, but more of a mirage, a blip on the fantasy screen, for
most gays and lesbians?
A friend and I are in a Rogers Park apartment on a wintry day
Because this is the real trick-to slip into modern marriage, an
minutes after the TV news has been turned off with a quick click. It's
institution that is essentially designed in the strictest heterosexual
just a fading hole of light on the screen now.
image.
We are contemplating Hawaii. Not the honeymoon getaway of
Ironically, perhaps before Stonewall (the beginnings of gay
paper umbrella-topped drinks and endless sunny beaches, but our
liberation in 1969) and before the feminist movement, imagining same
Hawaii, a different kind of paradise, where three same-sex couples
sex marriage might have been easier. The notion of equality between
have chosen to take their challenge of the existing marriage laws as far
men and women was no more advanced in the homosexual
up the legal hierarchies as it'll go.
communities than in the mainstream.
Just prior to the news report about Hawaii, my friend had chided
Back then, many same sex couples mimicked opposite sex
me because I'd forgotten her four- (or was it five?)-year anniversary with
couples: one (the male) was strong and dominant, while the other (the
her girlfriend. I had not done my part, she noted, in being supportive of
female) was passive and submissive. In the simplest, most elementary
her relationship, even though she knows I care about her and her
terms, we called these butch/femme relationships· we called them
partner very much.
aptly enough, roles-as if we knew all along the~e Adam and Ev;
"If you could, would you marry your lover?" I ask, the news report
archetypes didn't apply.
lingering like static between us.
Not that marriage is exactly biblical. Regardless of what its
My friend sighs, shrugs. She has her whole soul invested in this
proponents claim, if the institution were carbon-dated, about the
woman, whom she unabashedly calls the love of her life.
closest thing to what we now know as marriage would come
"Maybe," she says. "Not yet. I don't know. I don't really know what
approximately 600 years ago, when the Catholic Church made it a
that means."
sacrament and required that priests officiate.
And this, I think, is essential. Lost among the passionate public cries
That never stopped anybody else from doing it differently, as Arab
for legalization of same sex marriage by gay and lesbian activists, this is
harems and pre-Utah Mormons can attest. Marriage always has been
the private conversation, ambivalent and anxious, that we are reluctant
more fluid, more abstract, than its current advocates would admit.
to admit many of us are having.
But legal marriage as defined by the modern state has insisted time
Certainly same sex marriage is an enormously popular issue in our
and time again that the model be Lucy and Desi, Barbie and Ken, Jamie
communities. Legal marriage would fulfill many a romantic promise. It
and Paul Buchman. Just ask any citizen of Utah, which had to conform
would recognize commitment. And on the practical front, its many
to precisely those terms before it could be accepted into the Union in
benefits-tax breaks and insurance, hospital visits and inheritances, to
1896.
name but a few-would simplify what is for same sex couples a legal
It would be naive, of course, to pretend that feminism, and to a
nightmare.
lesser extent perhaps, gay liberation, haven't affected traditional
Only a few of the most radical queer activists actually argue against
marriages. Women rarely agree to obey their husbands in noncodifying same sex marriage as a civil right. For most of us, the legal
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
orthodox vows these days, and fewer and fewer men expect to fully
take care of their wives in the old-fashioned economic sense.
But even though the wives still end up doing most of the housework,
and the husbands most of the yardwork, at least marital expectations are
different than they used to be 40 years ago. That seems to be the marriage
model frozen in the minds of the signers of the Defense of Marriage Act
(many of whom have been divorced), the legally questionable legislation
aimed at prohibiting same sex marriage that was passed by Congress and
signed by the president.
Feminism, for all its problems, has made us believe that equality
between men and women is both noble and possible.
These days, I see my heterosexual friends working to make their
marriages survive, not just as a social framework, but as a vital, energizing
force. They fight mightily against traditional roles-I see mothers working
while fathers stay home, husbands adjusting their careers when their
wives advance in theirs, and nobody much expecting a hot meal on the
table when they walk through the door after a hard day at work.
I don't know anybody who hasn't at least considered couples
counseling during tough times. I see heterosexual couples sometimes
separate to solve their problems. I notice that books about heterosexual
communications (notably "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus")
crowd the best-seller lists year after year.
And everyone feels the statistical weight of half of all legal (i.e.
heterosexual) marriages ending in divorce.
The thing is, that even as heterosexuals struggle with their own
sexual liberation and a redefinition of the old marital contract, gays and
lesbians are caught in a whole other argument: not redefinition, but
definition.
What is a gay marriage? A lesbian marriage?
Freed from the struggle for equality within the couple, whatbesides the obvious legal advantages-constitutes same sex marriage?
One of the great notions of gay relationships is that when we get
together as a couple, we do so for only one reason-love.
We tell ourselves that, unlike heterosexuals, we don't do it for the
children because, until recently, we rarely brought them into the world
with the idea of raising them together-and that is still a risky proposition.
Or economic advantage, because palimony is essentially a heterosexual
game; just think Clint Eastwood and Sandra Locke, to name a recent
example.
In fact, we probably find day-to-day life, with its tiny but insistent
homophobic irritants, really more wearing for us than for heterosexuals.
So, what other possible reasons could we have but the sheer desire to be
together?
Heterosexuals may marry as an ultimate sign of love and/or
commitment, but when gays and lesbians have successful relationships,
about all we can do is sing that Joni Mitchell song and hope that's
Bay
Business
•
Services
Inc.
enough: "We don't need no piece of paper from the City Hall/ Keeping
us tied and true."
Frankly, who would go through the hassle of homosexuality if not
for love?
In the absence of legal marriage-in other words, having been forced
to invent ourselves from scratch-we've created a variety of
arrangements with our partners, many that look an awful lot like
heterosexual marriage, but many, too, that are outside any conventional
view of marriage.
Most of these arrangements are monogamous, a few are not. Many
involve co-habitation, some do not. Most involve shared resources, many
don't.
Sometimes we call these units marriage. The point is they function
like marriage: They provide intimacy and grounding, an economic
foundation, a vehicle to express love and lust, to share and debate values,
and a way-yes-to raise children.
What all of these gay and lesbian relationships share, though, is a
unique negotiation between the partners. Very little goes unsaid, because
very little can be taken for granted. Without specific models, nothing is
simply understood.
Even those relationships that mirror traditional marriage require a
discussion of who will play what role, and to what extent, and with what
exceptions.
Marriage proposes a standard. Certain expectations-and I don't
mean of fidelity or duration or depth of commitment. After all,
heterosexual marriages aren't all necessarily entered into on those terms,
and gays and lesbians aren't absent those qualities in relationships.
Gays and lesbians-and bisexuals, transgendered and transsexual
people, and anyone else thinking about entering into legal same sex
marriage regardless of what they call themselves-haven't defined those
standards yet, so as to measure their effect.
I know this can sometimes happen to heterosexuals. I have a friend,
Jim, who married his live-in girlfriend after many years. Although nothing
changed outwardly-they already had bought a house together, shared a
checking account, rewritten their wills-he swears that marriage added
something deep and undefinable to the relationship.
There's no question that for some same sex couples, legal marriage
will speed up societal and family acceptance-just like the Supreme
Court's striking down miscegenation laws in 1967 erased barriers against
mixed-race marriages, if not entirely the prejudice against them.
Perhaps for us, marriage will be strictly practical-more like the
Romans, with an emphasis on property and responsibilities. Maybe, just
maybe, our notions of ultimate love will remain outside marriage,
independent of any institution-not because of necessity, but of desire.
Reprinted from THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE December 15, 1996
435 N. Michigan Avenue,Chicago,IL,60611
(Fax 312-222-2598) (E-MAIL: tribletter@aol.com}
ERNIE DAWSON
OWNER
Office: (616) 941-5748
gfowe1r.s
,.
◄
CBy Jogte
,,~
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ANDREW L. MITCHELL
212 MICHIGAN AVENUE
P.O. BOX 38
GRAYUNG, MICHIGAN 49738
cs 17> 348-4006
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810-8 South Garfield Ave • Traverse City, Ml 49686
NElWORKING 45°NORTH
-21-
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
MARRIAGE: THE ULTIMATE PERK
GLAAIINEWS
GAY & W~IAN ~LUANCE ,\GAINST. DEFA!,1A!IOM, INC•.
Mel Gibson to Meet Up-and-Coming
Lesbian and Gay Filmmakers -Actor will Host
Seminar on "Conspiracy Theory" Set
LOS ANGELES, CA, NOVEMBER 25 1996-The Gay & Lesbian
Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) and actor/director Mel
Gibson will host 10 lesbian and gay filmmakers for an on-location
seminar on the set of Gibson's new film, Conspiracy Theory. The
day-long seminar is scheduled to take place in early January, 1997 in
Los Angeles.
Mel Gibson, Conspiracy Theory director Richard Donner and
producer Joel Silver will provide up-and-coming lesbian and gay
filmmakers with an up-close and personal look into the inner
Last May,
workings of a major Hollywood feature film.
representatives of GLAAD and Mr. Gibson met to discuss the actor's
relationship with the lesbian and gay community. The meeting, and
the discussions that followed, led to the creation of this
groundbreaking seminar.
"GLAAD is proud to offer up-and-coming lesbian and gay
filmmakers the opportunity to spend time on set with an actor and
director of Mel Gibson's caliber," said William Waybourn, GLAAD's
managing director. "We hope that the GLAAD seminar will help
lesbian and gay filmmakers get a foot in the door, and Hollywood to
more accurately represent lesbians and gay men in film." _
Seminar participants will be chosen from a nationwide pool of
young lesbian and gay filmmakers. Criteria for selection include
geographical balance and ethnic, racial and gender diversity.
Waybourn added, "GLAAD is committed to seeing that the event's
participants represent the diversity of our community."
In addition to the GLAAD seminar, Gibson recently held daylong lectures at Harvard and USC School of Cinema in an effort to
reach out to film students.
GLAAD is the nation's lesbian and gay news bureau and the only
national lesbian and gay media watchdog organization. GLAAD
promotes fair, accurate, and inclusive representation as a means of
challenging discrimination based on sexual orientation or identity.
By Patricia Nell Warren
For months now, the news has echoed with angry sound bytes
from enemies of same-sex marriage. Homosexual nuptials, it's being
said, will tarnish the "sanctity" of heterosexual marriage.
Gosh, do these folks ever read the newspaper? Or a history book?
Marriage has already been deeply de-sanctified by centuries of
festering heterosexual pragmatism.
Admittedly my views are colored by experience. For 16 years I
tried to be the perfect straight wife ... gave it the old college try. But I
never felt sacred - just felt more and more stifled and dishonest.
When my homophobic spouse finally found out, he told me I was
"sick." My first and only visit to a shrink revealed that he shared my
spouse's opinion. So I ran for my life - divorce and coming out.
Apologists for "traditional values" seem to forget the real history
of marriage. Christian civilization was built by royalty and nobility
who saw marriage as dynastic. People wedded for titles, wealth,
feudal estates, vassals, heirs -to link empires and win wars. Lifelong
compulsory monogamy and chastity belts were invented to ensure
that a husband passed his power only to his genetic offspring. While
these marriages were sprinkled in holy water by ministers of
"heaven", many of them were made in hell -as the tortured histories
of blueblood families can tell us.
When the American Revolution separated church and state, it
also separated marriage from church control. Marriage became
basically a civil arrangement. Today, many American nuptials still
start with church bells. But the "sanctity" of civil marriage is arguable,
since it boils down to a list of heterosexual legalities that judges can
rule on. These include inheritance rights, tax breaks, hospital
visitation, pensions, joint custody- all things that homosexuals want
too, and are told they can't have, in the name of "sanctity." Since
when do the arbiters of "holiness" include probate courts, hospital
receptionists, company pension plans and the IRS?
Americans also rely on marriage for certain perks and
conveniences. For minors, getting married is a way of evading
parental custody. For embarrassed parents of a pregnant teen,
shotgun marriage (hopefully) preserves the family honor. Marriage
can get you free airline travel, a dental plan, diplomatic privileges,
free housing on military bases, U.S. citizenship, the boss's daughter,
and slave labor in the form of lots of kids. Marriage routinely
enhances a celebrity career, even serves as cover for some CIA
intelligence work. Repeated marriage-and-divorce allows some folks
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-22-
VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
Prop~rty of the Center
to cloak sexual adventure in legality. Years of living together in
"common law" can equal marital status, or at least get you a nasty
"palimony" lawsuit. To the man or woman who marries for nice
things, marriage may equal prostitution.
Are these profane perks protected by state and federal law? Yes.
Are they sacred? Hardly. It is amusing to think how many heterosexual
Americans would scream bloody murder if they lost their "right" to this
array of conveniences. Yet they would turn around and deny those
same perks to gay people.
Closet marriages go beyond perk, into prevarication. "Closet" is
how homosexuals historically conformed to the old feudal mandate.
Nobody tries harder to make marriage work, than a fag or dyke or bi
who is hell-bent to pass! We have even pumped out children to be
cannon fodder for feudalism. Indeed, the gay community's love of drag
and theater may be instilled in us by long centuries of performing with
that sword held to our throat. But an Oscar-winning act is still an act,
no matter how brilliantly sequinned in "sanctity" it might be.
Interestingly enough, homosexuals don't have monopolize the
closet. Marriage is a good place for certain straights to hide too. Like
the prostitute with heart of gold who hides her past by marrying Mr.
Respectable with heart of gold. Or the "missing person" who hides
in a marriage to start a new life, and cover the trail. Or the straight
military man who grudgingly marries to advance his career, because
the brass don't like to promote bachelors to admiral.
Marriage has no global agreement about what makes it "sacred."
It's social silly-putty, squished into a thousand shapes by bias and
blind belief. To the Israelites of the Ten Commandments, "sanctity"
of marriage included polygamy, and a man's right to kill his wife and
children if they got out of line. To feudal lords, the "sacredness" of a
serf wedding required the bride to give her virginity to the lord. To
the American colonists, a woman could work her way into marriage
through contract labor or being an indentured servant. To Southern
slaveowners, marriage was out of bounds for black people. To my
Irish Catholic forebears, the marriage knot required a priest's
"authority". To my Protestant forebears, Catholic sacraments were
"evil papery," so only a preacher's words could authorize the knot.
But to bride and groom on the high seas, a ship captain's authority is
"sacred" enough.
Some of my native American forebears had more sensible views.
A couple stood before Creation and married each other on their own
authority as human beings. They had no concept of being married
by the power of some other person's religion or authority. "Nobody
tells a Cheyenne what to do," my cousins used to say. If things went
bad, all the aggrieved person had to do was put the partner's
Reprinted with the per~ission of the authorPatricia Nell Warren is author
of ''The Front Runner• and other bestselling books, as well as a widely
published commentator. Her publisher is WildcatPress. Copyright (c)
1996 by Patricia Nell Warren. All Rights Reserved.
Contact Ms. Warren al: Wildcat Press, 8306 Wilshire Blvd. Box 8306,
Beverly Hills, CA 9021 I (email wildcatprs@aol.com)
PRIDE-FLINT DISSOLVES
The non-profit organization which served the Flint lesbian and
gay community has disbanded as of January 1st. The Board of
Directors took the action reluctantly, but saw no alternative in the
light of lack of particpation in the PRIDE activities and programs as
well as lack of interest in serving in leadership positions. Their last
letter to its members said that they preferred an orderly termination
rather than a lingering death.
With the passing of this fine organization and its newsletter,
community organizations un-associated with state universities are
very few. Remaining are the Network in Grand Rapids, a very active
Lansing Organization of Human Rights, Affirmations in Detroit, the
Kalamazoo Resource Center, and of course, Friends North.
d
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• Just 1/ 4 mile east of 1-75 at the Lewiston/Frederic exit 1264)
• Performance ski shop, rentals and instruction
• Bunkhouse and two warming areas
• Weekend food service
• One kilometer night ski trail
P.O. Box 327
Dave Forbush
4971 County Road 61 2
1517) 348-5989
Frederic, Michigan 49733
A Better Compact Disc Store.
430 East Front Street/ Traverse City I 946-2112
NE1WORKING 45°NORTH
moccasins outside the teepee door ... with the toes pointing away.
Can today's American marriage overcome its sorry history as a
list of perks? Can a person today make it sacred and wonderful?
Yes, I believe so. Real sacredness is infused into any relationship
only by the two people themselves, be they straight or gay. They
build a balance between their own self-respect and their respect for
each other - and for their children, if they have them. If this
sacredness is not deeply felt on the personal level, no law or sermon
or tax break can put it there! Not even God and Goddess!
Not every heterosexual wants wants this kind of relationship.
Not every homosexual does either. But those who do deserve the
best that marriage can offer.
So yes ... marriage in the '90s is darkly tarnished. But denying
marriage to gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people
will not untarnish it!
Heterosexuals have to take responsibility for the mess they've
made of marriage. They were the ones who wanted to have marriage.
They have spent 3000 years making it a juggernaut of JudaeoChristian empire, politics, patriarchy, property, including their
"right" to control of wife, children and genetic heritage. Now, in the
ultimate paradox, heterosexuals may actually need the help of us
homosexuals, if they want to put some sacredness back in marriage.
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997
STATE AND NATIONAL HOTLINES
u
cc
JE
LOCAL SPIRITUAL:
Department of Justice Hotline (for reporting
Hate Crimes against gays and lesbians) ............ 800-347-HATE
Michigan Wellness Networks ........................ 800-872-AIDS
Gay/Lesbian National Youth Hotline .................. 800-347-TEEN
STATEWIDE SERVICES
SOCIAL I POLITICAL/ MEDIA
The Network: Lesbian and Gay Communtty Network of W. Michigan
909 Cherry St. S.E., Grand Rapids, Ml 49506 ......... 616-458-3511
Lavender Morning
P.O. Box 50729, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005 .... ....... ... 616-685-6061
Kalamazoo Resource Center
P.O. Box 1532, Kalamazoo, Ml 49005 .. .......... ... 616-345-7878
Affirmations Lesbian/Gay Community Center
Suite 110, 195 W. Nine Mile Rd.
Ferndale, Ml 48220 .............................. 810-398-7105
http://www.webspace.com/~tcc/affirmations/index.htme
Lansing Association of Human Rights
P.O. Box 18062, Lansing, Ml 48826 ................. 517-332-3200
e-mail ................................... lahr@macatawa.org
Lesbian Connection
P.O. Box 811, East Lansing, Ml 48826 ............... 517-371-5257
Triangle Foundation (Lesbian/Gay Foundation of Michigan)
19641 W. Seven Mile Rd., Detroit 48219 ....... ...... 313-537-3323
......................................... Fax: 313-537-3379
email . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . trijeffm@aol.com
Between The Lines (newspaper/monthly) ............... 810-615-7003
33528 Eight Mile, Ste. 185A3, Livonia, Ml 48152 ... FAX 810-615-7018
e-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pridepblis@aol.com
The Third Coast (magazine/monthly) . ........... ...... 616-451-4903
1322 Hurd, SE, Grand Rapids 49506 .... . ....... FAX 616-451-0915
e-mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lllrdCoasst@aol.com
NATIONAL SERVICE / SOCIAL I POLITICAL
P-FLAG: Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
101214th St. NW, Ste. 700, Washington, DC 20005 .... 202-638-4200
GLAAD: Gay/Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
80 Varick St., #3E, New York, NY 10013 ............. 212-807-1700
......................................... Fax: 212-807-1806
email ....... ........ . ...... ........... . ... glaadnatl@aol.com
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force ..... ..... ....... 202-332-6483
2320 17th St., NW, Washington, DC 20009 ....... Fax: 202-332-0207
Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund
666 Broadway, New York, NY 10012 ................ 212-995-8585
ACLU Lesbian/Gay Rights Project
1370 Mission St., San Francisco, CA 94130 .......... 415-621-067 4
HRC: Human Rights Campaign (National Coming Out Day)
101214th St. NS #607, Washington, DC 20005 ....... 202-628-4160
......................................... Fax: 202-347-5323
e-mail ..................................... www@hrcusa.org
Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, Political Action Committee
1012 14th St. NW #707, Washington, DC 20005 ....... 202-842-7679
NElWORKING 45°NORTH
R
Rev. Geraldine Colvin & Rev. David Florence
Unity Church, 3600 Five Mile, Traverse Ctty .......... 616-932-9587
Rev. Emmy Lou Belcher
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Grand Traverse
6726 Center Rd., Traverse City-Home: 938-9078 ... Office: 947-3117
Rev. Nancy Hayward, Circle of the Sacred Earth ......... 616-223-7999
LOCAL COUNSELING:
Third Level Crisis Intervention, . . ................... . . 616-922-4800
1022 E. Front St., TC, Ml 49686 ................ and 800-442-7315
Women's Resource Center .......................... 616-941-1210
Rodger Landvoy, PHD ............................. 616-929-1711
Susan Breuer PHD (Frankfort/ Traverse City) ......... .. 616-352-4261
Margo Million, ACSW ..... ......... ......... .. ..... 616-947-0511
David Blisk (Maple City) .... .................. ...... 616-228-5105
Joanna T. Lauber, MA, OTA, CHt ..................... 616-947-8842
Barbara Jones Smith, PHD .......................... 616-947-1444
Elizabeth Most, MSW, ACSW (Petoskey) ..... .... ...... 616-348-2415
William D. Gould, MA (Gladwin) ... .. .... ... .. .... .... 517-426-2351
David Rushlow, ACSW, Munson Medical Center ......... 616-935-6385
Bay Area Counseling (Petoskey/Harbor Springs)
Margalo Bley, MSW, ACSW ....................... 616-348-3616
Daniel C. Doran, PHD, CSW ........................ 906-635-9263
Lois Martindale, Ph.D., Benzonia ..................... 616-882-5888
CDRS (a free substance abuse referral agency)
808-A S. Garfield, Traverse City .......... 929-1315 or 800-686-0749
LOCAL SERVICE / SOCIAL I POLITICAL
Friends North (information line) ...... ................ 616-946-1804
Windfire Gay & Lesbian Youth Support Group-Call Third Level for location & time .................. 616-922-4800
or ............................................ 800-442-7315
Side Traxx Nite Club, 520 Franklin St. off of 8th St. ....... 616-935-1666
Traverse City Human Rights Commission, 400 Boardman . 616-922-4700
Gay Alcoholics Anonymous,
Grace Church, Washington at Boardman, TC .... John 616-922-0746
P-FLAG, Traverse City, POB 1705, Acme, Ml 49610 . Cindy 616-271-5045
GLSTN (Gay/Lesbian/Straight Teachers Network)
PO Box 9, Traverse, Ml 49685 ..................... 616-943-8800
NOW (National Organization for Women) Gail Trill ....... 616-938-1333
LOCAL HIV/ AIDS HEALTH COUNSELING:
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks, GTA, Inc., .. .......... ... 616-947-1110
P.O. Box 1632, Traverse City, Ml 49685 ........... 1-800-494-1160
Business Office ................................. 616-933-0279
HIV/AIDS Wellness Networks - HIV Support Group and
Family and Significant Other Support Group ...... .... 616-94 7-111 o
Thomas Judd Care Center, 1211 W Front St., Traverse City,
Mary Dillinger, RN, Clinical Nurse Specialist .......... 616-935-8140
David Rushlow, ACSW Social Worker ......... . ..... 616-935-6385
H.A.N.D.S. (HIV/AIDS Support: Petoskey) . . . . . . . . . . . . 1-800-248-6777
Community Health Clinic ............................ 616-929-4448
(anonymous counseling/testing; same-day results no fee)
Northern Michigan Planned Parenthood ................ 616-929-1844
(anonymous counseling & testing)
Grand Traverse County Health Department ............. 616-922-4831
(anonymous HIV Testing Center)
Emmet County Health Department (Petoskey) ........... 616-347-6014
Also call the District Health Department in your area
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VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 1 • JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1997