HerlandVoice-1999-10-v17-no10_ocr.pdf
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October 1999
OUTART '99
MARY'S STORY
By Joanna Campbell-Fife
Advocate for Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Programs
(Ed. Note - October is National Domestic Violence Awareness
Month. This article is the first in a series ofthree on the issue of
domestic violence and the battered women 's shelters and crisis
services available in Oklahoma. Mary's story is typical ofthe of
battered women who find safety in these shelters.)
Mary B. is a survivor of domestic violence. She talks about
how her life was before she left her abusive partner. "When we met,
Chris was so attentive, and jealous, too. I always thought that
jealousy meant they loved you a lot. After we got together, the
jealousy was so bad, it was like living ina prison cell-no freedom
at all.
"When it was time for Chris to come home in the evening, my
stomach would knot up, I would get nervous, anxious, and grouchy
with the children. I would put a little vodka ina glass, and sip it while
I made dinner. I was so tense, I thought it would help. I never knew
what Chris's mood would be. The children would disappear into
another room, disappearing like wild animals when a storm is
coming.
"I'd try to make everything perfect, so it would be OK. That
never worked. 'Perfect' changed every day. I was told over and
over and over that everything was my fault. I believed it. First came
the mean, hateful words, words children shouldn't hear about their
mother. Then, ifI was lucky, I gottocleanfood from the floor and
walls, pick up broken dishes or glasses, and hope I was doing it
'right,' so the hitting wouldn't start again.
"I dreaded the accusing questions, the insults, the orders, the
complaints, throwingthings, thefistsinthewall, thethreatstolock
me up in a mental hospital because I was so crazy. Then came the
slaps, the kicks, the punches to my torso, the twisted arms. All was
done to a litany about how bad I was and how this was all my fault
and how it wouldn't have to happen ifl would just do things right.
"Some days, I'd get so tense and jumpy, I'd say something to
get it started and get it over with. When it happened, I'd try not to
make much noise, so maybe the children wouldn't know how bad
it was.
"Chris told me many times that I was an unfit mother, and that
the children would be better off without me. I believed Chris could
take them away from me. I no longer had any ego. It had been worn
away relentlessly. It terrified me that someday, I might not be able
to protect my children and that the anger might be turned on them.
"Chris always told me not to be friendly with people. I wasn't
supposed to have friends. I wasn't even supposed to be nice to
my parents and my brother and sister.
(continued page 3)
Volwne 17 Nwnber lO
Oklahoma' sLesbianand Gay Arts Festival will be held October
8, 910, at Windsor Hills theaters, NW 23'd and Meridian, and The
Copa, Habana Inn, 2200 NW 39t1i Expressway. Tickets are now on
sale at Jungle Reds, New Leaf Florist, Diversity Coffee Shop, and
Collectibles Etc. Purchases are available out oftown through Global
Travel Network by calling 1-800-721-8866. Movies are $8, plays or
concert are $10. A special package including tickets to the entire
festival -a $100 value - is available for $82.
In honor of Gay and Lesbian History Month and National
Coming Out Day, as well as OUT ART 99, the Oklahoma City Art
Museum, located on the state fairgrounds, will show the documentary "Coming Out Under Fire" every Sunday at2:30 PM in October.
The Sundance award-winning "Coming Out Under Fire" explores
the history of Gays and Lesbians in the military since WWll in the
light of today's "Don't Ask Don't Tell Don't Putsue" policy.
The film portion ofthe festival will be held at the Regal Windsor
Hills Theaters at NW 23rd and Meridian with ten movies shown on
two screens. All movies are recent releases and none have been
shown in the state, said spokesperson Tony Francis. The movie
titles are Edge of Seventeen, Different for Girls, Bedrooms and
Hallways, OutOfSeason, Hard, Razor Blade Smile, Like ]tis, When
Love Comes, Broadway Damage, andIt 'sin the Water. (continued
page2)
CELEBRATE DIVERSITY-STOP THE HATE
Oklahoma City will be one ofscores ofcities across the country
participating in a "Stop the Hate" Rally and Vigil on Thursday,
October 7, 1999. The rally will be held at 7 :00 p.m., beginning at the
Myriad Gardens Water Stage, and continuing with a candlelight
procession to the Murrah Plaza Park for a closing speakout and
vigil. The subtitle of the event is "a VisionofHealing, a Vision of
Hope". It is cosponsored locally by the Interfaith Alliance of
Oklahoma, the Say No to Hate Coalition of Central Oklahoma, and
the Oklahoma Council on Violence Prevention. Dozens oflocal
organizations and churches have signed on as endorsers, including Berland Sister Resources, Cimarron Alliance, Amnesty International, Church of the Open Arms, Mayflower Congregational
Church, and the NAACP.
The rally will be a call for people offaith and conscience to act
nonviolently as individuals for healing in our communities; to
oppose hate violence directed at anyone; to speak out when
anyone is attacked due to their race, religion, sexual orientation,
nationality, gender or disability; and to raise a united voice for the
loving spirit of inclusion and acceptance which is the human
potential.
Transportation will be provided for those who cannot, or who
choose not to walk to Murrah Plaza Park.
0
Herland Sister Resources
2312 N.W. 39, OKC, OK 73112
Sr. SYBIL 's ELEVEN REASONS NOT
TO COMEOUT ON OCTOBER
11 -
11. Living in fear ofexposure is so darn much fun ...
I 0. . .. as is the challenge of seeing how many ways you can refer
to your lover without using a pronoun.
9. You find fulfillment referring to the person whose body and soul
you adore as "my roommate".
8. Youdon'twanttohearUncleBertcrow, "Aha! Iknewitallalong"'
7. Your gay nieces and nephews don't need a gay role model -you
got along fine without one!
6. It would kill your grandmother.
5. It's easier not to; you can pass as straight and have no hassles
in life at all; so why muck it up?
4. It might blow your really solid chance ofbeing elected President
oftheU.S.
3. It would "out" your spouse.
And the two really-truly good reasons not to come out on October 11:
2. You've been out since Caesar was a pup; or. ..
I. You'renot gay!
Dear St. Sybil,
I just read your tongue-in-cheek list of reasons NOT to come
out, and I have a bone or two to pick with you. First of all, # 6 is
right- it might kill my grandmother, and why should I ruin the poor
old lady's final years? Secondly, you left out the number one
reason fornot coming out - the possibility oflosing one's job. This
is a very valid concern forvery many people; teachers, for instance,
and of course those of us in the military. So I think you ought to
back off the dubious humor a little bit arid not go around mfildng
people feel bad because prudence doesn't let them do something
they wish they could.
Yours,
A seriously disappointed fan
Dear Fan,
Excuse me, but where did this Prudence come from and
why does she get to dictate what you can and cannot do??? OK,
I'm sorry,just a little more of my suspect humor there. Seriously,
you need to know: grandparents are made ofsterner stuffthan you
realize, and they certainly don't want you to wait for them to die
for you to go live your life-what a morbid concept. Trust me, no
grandparent has ever died because a grandkid turned up lesbian,
or married out oftheir race or religion, or spent the war in Canada,
or voted Republican.
Your other point is better taken, and while from where I sit
on the Grand Continuum it is clear that changing jobs or professions is a small price to pay for gaining a more fully integrated life,
I am well aware that from where you sit it very often is not worth
that. And for that reason, may I suggest that perhaps a teacher,
tailor, soldier or sailor might want to skip coming out to their
The Voice is publishedby: Her/and Sister Resources, Inc. 2312N. W. 39th, Oklahoma City, OK
73112.
The Voice is offered as an open forum forcommunffydiscourse. Arlie/es reflect the opinions ofthe
au1horand not necessarily those of Her/and Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and letters to
theedrlcrarewelcomed and must be signed by the wrilerwith full name and address. Upon request
letters orarticles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Subscriptions to The Voice are free upon request although a donation is requested to meet
publicabon anddislribubon costs.
Page 2 Her/and Voice October, 1999
supervisors or anyone else in a position to jeopardize their
livelihood. Instead, come up with - and out to - someone you
cherish and value: a grandparent (or a granddchild !) , a childhood
friend, a new friend, a sibling, a parent, a cousin. Bringthem into
the fullness of your life, and broaden the circle of those who you
know love the full, true you. You'll be glad.
Peace & Love,
Sybil
1:J
UPCOMING
SHOWS
by Jill Gamer
Mary Reynolds will be performing at the Blue Door with Ann
Hills and Michael Smith on October 15th. Three very talented
people in a great little place to hear music and unfortunately I'll
probably be out of town. But if you're here, please go because
Mary by herselfis a lot of talent, but getting to hear Ann Hills and
Michael Smith in the same night will be well worth your time and
money. I've heard Ann Hills at the Blue Door before so I know
she'll be good and I've read a lot of good things about Michael
Smith. Don 'tmiss this one and please support this great live music
here in Oklahoma City. The Blue Door is one of the few places in
OKCwhereyoucangotohearsomeofthebesttalentinthecountry
today. You can discover new music, and make your CD collection
rich beyond belief.
Speaking of some of the best talent in the country today,
Stacey Earle will be back at the Blue Dooron October 23 n1. I've been
listening to her CD since her first visit here in OK C and I love this
woman!. Talent certainly runs in the family. Her brother Steve Earle
is one of the most prolific songwriters ever, and he certainly will
be remembered someday as one of the best. He encouraged Stacey
to "sing like her own damn self' instead of trying to fit in the
Nashville mold. I'm glad she did because she has a wonderfully
unique sound. Her husband Mark Stuart accompanies her on
guitar and does a wonderful job on harmony vocals. I'm really
l:J
excited about the chance to hear her again.
OUTART(continuedfrom page 1)
The theatre, musicandartgallerypart of the program will be
held atthe Copa in the Habanalnn complex on NW 3 9th Expressway.
A new theatre production will premiere there on Saturday afternoon. The popular theatre hit Drama Queens, written by Robert
Matson, will have one performance on Sunday afternoon. The
musical event will salute gay and lesbian composers from the
international and local scene. The art gallery will feature twenty
local gay and lesbian artists and their work In conjunction with the
art gallery, Francis said, Borders Books on NW Expressway will
devote the wall of its coffee shops to the artists for the month of
October, with an artists' reception on October 1.
OUTART 99 organizers are still accepting volunteers to work
at the festival. Positions will be available for a variety of duties over
theweekend. Ifyou'reinterested, call752-2762. Anorientationwill
be held on Oct 3. For more info, visit the OUT ART 99 website at
www.gavokc.com/outart99.
l:J
·THE
WNBA
by Jill Gamer
The third season of the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) has just come to a close. I never envisioned a day
when I'd be sitting on the couch watching sports and saying,
"Honey, can you bring me .. . .... " but it's happened! I love to watch
this league, and I've learned a lot about the players, the teams and the
coaches, and while I can't quote statistics like some sports fanatics,
I hate to miss a game, and I really hate to see the season end. .
But what a season it was. With the other women's professional league, the ABL, folding last December, the WNBA was
flooded with a lot of new talent. One of those players, Yolanda
Griffith ofthe Sacramento Monarchs, was named Defensive Player
ofthe year, Newcomer ofthe year, and MVP ofthe league! All that
despite the fact she missed the last three games of the season due
to a knee injury! Chamique Holdsclaw, dubbed the female Michael
Jordan, came to the WNBAfrom the mighty University of Tennessee where she helped lead them to three NCAA championships.
Speculation abounded about her ability to excel in the WNBA but
her talent is amazing and she won the Rookie of the Year award!
There are players like Griffith and Holdsclaw all through the league,
and let me tell you, these women can play some tough basketball.
The Houston Comets went on this year to win their third
consecutive WNBAchampionship. Their coach, Van Chancellor,
won the Coach of the Year award for the third year in a row. With
the big three (Cynthia Cooper, Sheryl Swoopes, and Tina Thompson) leading the way, they amassed quite an impressive record for
the year (26-6), and are a lot of fun to watch. Cynthia Cooper has
an awe-inspiring talent for getting the ball to the basket that makes
it look like the opposing players are not even there! She's not a real
flashy player but by no means can anybody forget that she's there
leading the Comets in every way. Sheryl Swoopes can weave down
the court dribbling the basketball in and out of her defenders and
look so amazingly graceful doing it. Tina Thompson can shoot
from anywhere and is a great defensive player as well. She doesn't
get the publicity that the other two stars do, but the Comets would
be nowhere as powerful without her. When these three are on
there's no one who can beat them!
'
The Comets championship victory came a week after Kim
Perrot, point guardand the heart and soul ofthe Comet's team died
ofcancer. Kim was amazing to watch and so feisty and determined.
As she put it, she showed that height doesn't necessarily count
in basketball. She was small, and she almostdidn 't makethe team
when the league started, but she played her heart out in the two
seasons she played. Coach Van Chancellor said there's no doubt
in his mind that Kim was the reason they won the championship
last year. He considered her one of his best friends, and she was the
leader of the team, so the games heading into the playoffs were very
emotional for Houston, the entire league, and the crowds who held
signs remembering Kim. Perrot was only 32 years old and everyone
who's a fan of the WNBA will really miss getting to see her play.
The league will be expanding next year by four teams. I really
hope it's a good move even though I' mslightly concerned that it's
too much too soon. I'm also a little disturbed by the number of
coaches who have been fired, and the fact that men have replaced
most of them. And, I don't like the way that only certain teams,
those who have players with star potential, get covered on TV, but
all that aside, I really enjoy watching all the teams I've been able
to see, and I can't wait for next season. They' re starting the league
two weeks early to enable the Olympic team members to still play
in the WNBA before going to the Olympics! If you haven't had a
chance to see any of these women play yet, tune in next June. I
could go on and on about all the great players, fiery coaches like
Cheryl Miller, and the awesome fans in so many of the cities, but
CJ
see it for yourself next year!
MARY'S STORY
(continuedfrornpage1)
If I saw someone I knew and talked to them-- or even ifl didn't--
when I got home, I was bombarded with accusations, vicious
insults and hateful questions. Chris's words undermined every
concept I had of myself, as a female, as a mother, as a wife, as a
daughter and a sister, as a human being. I was scarred from the
inside out. E\'ery soft, tender place in me was covered with scar
tissue Scar tissue doesn't grow and change with life. The only
thing that kept me togetherwas scartissueandfear--fearformy life,
fear form~ children.
- we don ·t have a dog anymore. Hurting my little dog was a
wa~ tohun me. ItwasalmostareliefwhenlfoundBuppydeadone
morning in the back yard--relieffrom the constant dread of seeing
or hearing him hurt. As I cradled his poor little bj;>dy in my arms,
I felt a murderous rage envelop me.
-0nc day. I took my courage into my own hands, and called the
domestic' iolence shelter. I had no choice but to trust them to be able
to protect us from Chris. My little girl hovers around me now like an
anxious mother over her small child. My small son Joey says he likes
L~c shelter because Mommy doesn't get hurt and cry anymore, and
he likes sleeping on top of the bed, instead of under it
··1 am learning now how harmful Chris's abuse of me has been
for our children, and how easy it is for children to learn to be
abusi\'e. and especially for little girls to learn to accept abuse is a
normal way to show love or to live. I am also learning I don't have
to live that way anymore."
For information on local services for battered women anywhere
CJ
in0klahoma,callthetheSafelineHotlineat800-522-9054.
MORE OCTOBER EVENTS:
October 9 - Berland Supper Club meets atHerland at 5 :30 PM
and goes to dinner together. Come join the fun!
October 16-FestivalofRace Unitybeginsat I PMatMetro Tech
onMartinLutherKingBlvd.andSpringlakeDrive. Music, Food,
Booths and Workshops . For infomiation call: Marvin Chiles at
751-3308.
October 17 -- The Oklahoma City AIDS Walk, a fund-raiser
benefiting local HIV/AIDS prevention and service organizations
begins with opening ceremonies at I PM and the walk steps off at
2PM For information about participatingcall 405-232-2437 or email
OKC99AIDSWalk@hotmail.com.
October 29- "Women 'sBold Journeys: Weaving Justice and
Hope" a state-wide program for women of all ages and backgrounds, cosponsored by the Oklahoma Conference of Churches
and over 35 other community and state organizations. Patrice
Gaines of the Washington Post and author of Laughing in the
Darkwillbethekeynotespeaker. Call405-525-2926forregistration
CJ
information.
Her/and Voice October, 1999 Page 3
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