LesbianPrideNewsletter_v7.no1.2002.01.pdf
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VOLUMNVII, ISSUE 1, January2002
New Traditions
by Marilda Mel Wltite
We human beings tend to rely on tried and true methods of
~oing !hings-it's called TRADITION!(I sometimes think of the word
m cap1t~l letters, with an exclamation point, because of the opening
number m "Fiddler on the Roof').
W_eall have holiday TRADITIONS!that are impo1tant to us.
For me, m recent _y~arsit ha~ become tradition to load my dogs into
the Jeep Thanks?1vmg mommg and drive north of my Denver area
ho~e to Ft. C_o!lmsto spend the afternoon with friends. And J really
enJoy the trad1t10nswe've created there, like the delicious turkey dinner Terry and Toni prepare, holiday treats for the dogs and walking
across the prairie, no matter what the weather.
'
C~i~tmas traditions with my family in recent years have included _dnvmg around to see the lights and eating a big turkey dinner
?nChnstmas Eve; on Christmas morning we liked to check the stockmg~, eat some Sara Lee pecan coffee cake, and then get down to the
busmess of opening packages.
I like those traditions because they are, like all good TRADITIONS!, comforting - it's nice to know what to expect, and it's nice
to know how to prepare and plan. But you know, all of the traditions
I'm used to in my life - and the ones you're used to in yours - had to
start so1:1-ewhere,so~e time, and there's nothing wrong with you or
me startmg new trad1t1onsany old time.
One of my friends wanted to change her family tradition this
last Thanksgiving. She and her husband both enjoy the football
game~, so she came up with the idea that they could have the big meal
on Fnday. That way no one would be busy in the kitchen when somebody might be running the ball back 97 yards. Made sense to me, but
2
TRADITION!dies hard for some folks. Her grown children couldn't
quite grasp the concept of that big of a change.
Maybe the idea of making big changes like that takes time to
get used to, but l like the idea of creating new traditions that make
things easier for people. And recently, in the midst of a major overhaul of my own holiday traditions, I've also discovered that changes
aren't really that hard to get used to when the conditions are right.
Since my father died and my sister is not well enough to join
us, it's just Morn and me now as far as family is concerned, and we
decided to change things in a big way this last year (knowing full well
we might have an easier time of creating new holiday traditions than
some because for one thing, there are only two of us to please, and for
another, we both have always liked doing things in new and different
ways).
Mom and I both believe wholeheartedly that home is where the
heart is, and as Jong as our hearts are together, wherever we are is
"home" for the day- so we decided to travel. We spent Thanksgiving
in Monterey, California, and Christmas in Santa Barbara (also California). Mom's Thanksgiving meal consisted of an untraditional marinated artichoke and mine was a yummy hamburger (okay, that's traditionally my favorite meal any day of the year). We also avoided all
the "normal" holiday eats on Christmas Day when Mom ate fish and
chips and I chowed down on fried chicken.
[t was a little odd at first, celebrating both holidays in motel
rooms in new towns and warmer climates, away from everything familiar, but it was also, quite frankly, great fun and adventuresome.
And it sure did take the pressure off of trying to compete with old
memories, or trying to make things the way we always thought they
"should" be when in reality things have changed. Now I can't wait to
see what other new traditions we come up with.
It can be fun creating new traditions - doing or even just thinking about things in new and different ways. And creating new patterns
or routines (or TRADITIONS!)doesn't have to be limited to holiday
times either. It's just turned into a brand new year, and maybe now is
a good time to think about adopting some brand new traditions ...
Like donating to charities every month (instead of just at the
end of the year);
Or volunteering for an agency or community service (without
being ordered to by a judge);
Or setting a new standard of self-acceptance for yourself, by
being true to who you are and loving yourself;
Or treating people - even family members, and even family
members who don't accept you - with more respect.
When you think about it, there is no end to the new traditions
we can come up with in this new year. ©
3
Dad's guide for living
by BB Goode
My dad is a retired minister. Well, he's supposed to be retired.
The bishop keeps asking him to come back and preach at one small
country church or another, 'Just for a few months to straiohten thinos
,, " ' ·1
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o~t o~ unt1 w~ ca~ get another pastor." Dad says he enjoys it and
thmks 1t keeps his mmd sharp. He's right. He may be 80 with a slight
hearing loss but he can still preach a sermon.
Now, -Dad isn't a "hell-fire-pound-the-'pulpit, threateneveryone-with-hell kind of preacher. No, he uses the gentle approach.
He speaks quietly but effectively, almost like a storyteller with an
occasional joke so you have to pay attention.
. 1n ~y dad's 60 years in the pulpit and my 40 some years of
heanng him preach, I've heard most of his. sermons, some of them
twice, and many a Bible story. I especially remember the story of Jesus having supper with the tax collector, allowing the prostitute to
wash his feet and forgiving those that hung him on a cross to die. Not
once do I remember a story of Jesus condemning others; rather, He
spoke of God's love, understanding and acceptance. He didn't judge
but assured us God loves us all as His children.
. 1n this time of chaos, in this time of some proclaiming their
w~y 1s the only way and all others are destined for hell, I stop and
thmk back to my dad's sermons. I like his way best.
My dad taught me to accept all others and love them for who
they are. He taught me that God loves me just the way I am. He taught
me that it wasn't my job to judge others; God would take care of that:
He taught me the Bible was a guide for living, not a book of rules for
condemning.
As the new year begins, my dad once again is preaching at a
smal1country church ("only until June when we can get a new minister assigned"). And as the new year begins, I'll try to remember the
stories and sermons I've heard over the years.
As I make my New Year's resolutions, I think I'll make just
one: for the next year, and hopefully the rest of my life, I'll try to be
more like my dad. ~
~~©©~?-~~©©?-?-~?-©©?-~~?-©©~?-~?-©©?.~~~©©?-~?.~©©
if yo-w cure-mo- ca-Yeful, yow cure, .sotA'\.I~ ca-Yeful, that yo-w cure, }«-Ve, -C-o-
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If yo-w clo-nJtU,ve, the, Ufe,yo-w ha,ve✓, yo-w wo-nft love,
~ other Ufe,, yo-w wo-n!t U,ve, ~ Ufe, cu:c-tU;.
-J~'Bcddwl-vv
4
I rejoice that I am discovering
who I am
I think back to my first awareness of my same-sex orientation. Comi.ngout to myself, admitting my true sexual orientation,
was the begi.nningof a lifelongprocess. I remember signs along
the way, times when I may have tried to hide from myself. I also
remember finally bei.ngwilling to accept the truth of who I am
So many emotions vying with each other - pain at being
di.fferent,peace in finding an answer in my life,fear of the inevitable oppressi.on, excitement in anticipating my natural loving,
anger at the di.fficultyof the road before me, satisfaction in the
sense of congruency within myself.
I kneu; my life woul.dn'tget any easier, but it wasn't easy up
to that point either. I have survived many di.ffi.cultmoments since
that first one, and there will be difficult moments ahead of me,
but my path is dear.
I rejoicein aocepting who I am. Some people never
find themselves. I have accomplished much in my life.
I am honest with myself. I pronounces myself good.I
- Eleanor Ruth Wagner
Lavender Reflections
Reminder:
When others are
interpreting, analyzing,
advising or directing you they are really only communicating
what they believe would be appropriate
for themselves were they in your situation.
Remember this if you choose
to hear their voices ...
Remember too
that in the deep
knowing places inside of you,
you are the worlds' best and only
authority on you!
Practice listening inwardly
instead of outwardly.
- Robyn Posin
Rememberings and Celebrations
www.forthelittleonesinside.com
5
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*
by Stacy Chandler
CAPRICORN
December 22-lanuary
Living
DearForlom - It's much easierthan you think! Start by holdinga
dooropenfor the personbehindyou. Smile moreat even1one~ou see.
Say Thank You and meanit. Give someoneyou know a hug,_7ustfor
the hell of it. Givea coughdrop or a tissue to someonewho is suffering nearyou. ~f even;onewas extra nicefor just one day, we mtght
actuallyexperienceheavenon earth. - SS
Dear Savvy Sappho - Please help me! I'm macrame'ing an
emergency ladder outta new tampons as we speak. I got started
before Christmas and now I can't stop - can you break me
from this crafting addiction? - Signed, Stella Stencil
Dear Stella - Takea deepbreathand put your arms down. Slowly
backawayfrom the glue gun. Shut off the telly and takea walk outside.Refuseto mentallyreplanteven;gardenthat you comeacros~.It
takestime, but you will heal.Stay out of all craft stores.Love thmgs
for what they are,not -whatthey couldbe. - SS
.
(PS - you'll be happy to know that if your ~merge~cyescapeladder
evergetswet, you'll havea wonderfulfloatationdevice!)
This month's Sawy Sapphic Suggestionsfor Successful
Lesbian Living by Stacy Chandler. lf you have a question,
send it to SS % Makaw, PO Box 130, Tehachapi, CA 93561
19
AWESOME is the only way to try to describe you.
Astounding wouldn't be too far off either.
Actually, you're always able to avert disaster.
You are the apple of your parent's eyes.
Anywhere, anytime, you can have
almost anything you desire.*
GAYELLOWPAGES
Informing the lesbian, gay, bisexual & transgender community since 1~73
Includes Women's Section and Ethnic/Multicultural section
"You won't find a more complete guide covering
literally all aspects of Gay and Lesbian life" Our World
http: I I gayellowpages. com
Renaissance House, PO Box 533 Village Station, New York, NY
10014 (or ask at your local feminist bookstore)
6
7
by Lee Lynch
Lez Lit
There were no truly out lesbian writers published during the
mid-twentieth century. Then a slew of writers came along for an audience radicalized by the civil rights and feminist movements. To accommodate this outpouring of gay words, the lesbian presses were
born.
Those were exciting times through the 1980s and early 1990s. I
have shelves of books published in those years from Diana, Firebrand,
Naiad, Daughters, New Victoria and so many others. The quality of
the books was, as with any literary movement, uneven, and some of
those hailed as classics were released by straight presses, not our own,
but whether that reflected better publicity machines or reality only
time will tell.
Today I received the last issue of The Lesbian Review of Books,
the distinguished brainchild of teacher and reviewer Loralee MacPike.
This is one more sign that the era of the first great lesbian literary
flowering is endangered. So few of the old publishers are represented
in this issue, yet lesbians haven't been silenced! Many of the books
are from university presses - an increasing indication that we and
our work are being taken seriously. Others are being published by gay
male-founded presses like Alyson Publications which has always promoted lesbian authors.
Our presses old and new strnggle to publish books and magazines that lesbians need to read. The owners devote their time, personal incomes and energy to giving us voice. Too many have fallen
by the wayside, victims of a need to survive emotionally, physically
or economically. Every time a women's bookstore closes we all suffer. Losing plucky Feminist Bookstore News was a tenible blow.
Goodness knows how an important publication like Lambda Book
Report manages to stay afloat, but l'm glad it does.
It's a struggle for anyone in the word professions to survive
economically, but especially for gay people who have a smaller readership than heterosexuals simply because there are fewer of us. I think
a lot about Isabel Miller who sold Patience and Sarah (at that time
called A Place For Us) out of a shopping bag in the bars. That kind of
chutzpah in the face of the locked doors of the publishing world
helped create our alternative literary establishment. £-publishing on a
personal web site may be the equivalent thirty years later. Where
8
there's a queer will, there's a queer way.
Yet I worry about where the economics of the publishing
"industry" are taking us. So many of the books on our best seller lists
are about sex, violence or both. Maybe it's a sign of the times, but I
wonder if we'll read any lesbian-related erotica or sensationalistic
genre fiction we can find or if we're writing for straight men. Current
books take me back to the early 60s, when seductive covers on newspaper shop racks were all I could find about myself. The publishers
were very up front then - low wage lesbians were not their target
audience. The covers have been updated, the content has escalated in
graphic detailing,but there they are, definingus by our sexualityagain.
Call me an old-fashioned prude, but when I see anthology after
anthology of so-called erotica, l fear receipts have become more important than creating a body of work that can sustain a margin~] people. Do we really think we're out of danger and can afford, hke the
grasshopper in the fable, to spend our days fiddling? Once it took
courage and imagination to wrhe an erotic scene. I hate to see some of
our most intimate moments transformed into loveless demonstrations
that seem to serve little purpose beyond answering the age-old question, "But what do they do?" Economic realities do not favor minority
publishing and perhaps income from such magazines and books will
keep our presses alive so that they can publish work that will positively impact lesbian lives and leave a literary legacy to nurture future
generations.
lf that's the motive behind this avalanche of questionable fiction, perhaps it's a legitimate purpose. Perhaps this is another stage in
becoming all we can be as a culture. There is certainly a place in
every literature for sheer escapist fiction. That some of this is awkward and lacking craft is understandable; that some is hurried and
barely edited is a terrible mistake. The problem comes when limited
resources elbow more serious work off the few printed pages available. This discourages writers from growing and denies readers what
we deserve. Is this phenomenon another manifestation of internalized
homophobia? I fear that we are allowing heterosexist society to steal
our feisty lavender souls again, this time through the marketplace.
Loralee MacPike will continue her work in some other form, I
am sure. Newer Presses like Odd Girls and Haworth are keeping lesbian literature visible. As are web-savvy lesbians who create sites
such as www.queerreads.com. When l turn the virtual pages of this
monument to our literature I am filled with pride at all we've accomplished and humbled to be among our ranks. Despite the right wing,
the fundamentalist terrorists and our slow-to-heal tendencies to selfdestruct - with a book list like the one at queerreads, I know nothing
can stop us now. ¥
t lee Lynch 2001
9
en sacred ground
by Joy Parks
The WOW Factor
ln a recent interview to promote her forthcoming collection of
short stories, She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (Alyson Publications,
Available April 2002), Leslea Newman declared the hey?ay of
women's publishing to be over. Reluctantly, I have to agree with her.
Still, every now and then a book crosses my desk that makes ~e sit up
and pay attention. Whether it's the characters, the plot or Just the
strength of the writer's/editor's convictions, these books have what I
call the WOW Factor. And since there aren't that many of them, it's
important that they get the attention they deserve.
Despite the fact that I trend to be critical of most collections of so
called "lesbian erotica" 1 am a big fan of Karen X. Tulchinsky's bestselling Hot a11dBotl,e;ed series. The reason for the popularity of t~is
series is obvious. In the introduction to Hot and Bothered3, Tulchmsky shares with readers her tale of wanting to ~ow up and mart?' the
princesses of the fairy tales she was told as a ~hdd and ~er surpr~seat
:findingout that she was supposed to be the pnncess. This charmmgly
innocent story sets the tone for her explanation as _to why H?t and
Bothered is not an erotica anthology, but a collectton of fiction on
lesbian desire. She explains that this desire is broad and encompasses
intimacy between women in all its forms. It is Tulchinsky's understanding of this very important difference in how lesbians perceive
and experience their sexuality that separates Hot and Bothered 3 (~nd
the two collections th&tproceeded it) from the majority of the erot1ca
being published. One gets the senses that it truly is written by l~sbians, about lesbians, for lesbians. In Hot and Bothered 3, 72 writers
offer short-short fictions (1,000 words or Jess) that explore, analyze
and reveal many of the complications, fantasies, and pleasures of lesbian desire. The collection includes both works by well-known lesbian writers such as Sarah Schulman, Joan Nestle and Elana Dykewomon as well as many other lesser-known, but talented and highly
original writers. My personal favorites include "This is a Promise" by
Cathy McKim, "Holding Hands" by Jean Taylor and. "The Te?th
Commandment" by Terrie Akemi Hamazaki, but the entrre col1ect10n
is strong and even. Hot and Bothered 3 offers up a treasure of wri!i~g
on lesbian desire; it captures our loves, our lusts and our losses; 1t 1s
10
sensual, romantic in the best sense, and filled with believable characters and strong emotions. And I hope its popularity is a sign of the
level of quality lesbian readers want. (Hot and Bothered 3: Short
Short Fiction on Lesbian Desire, Edited by Karen X. Tulchinsky, Arsenal Pulp Press, $15.95 US/$18.95 in Canada)
I love a book that makes me laugh and Paula Martinac's Cllicken is
probably one of the funniest lesbian novels ['ve ever read. When
ghostwriter Lynn Woods get dumped by her lover of 13 years, she
finds herself dating not one, but two, much younger women. They
eventually find out about each other and things get very uncomfortable for a while. But in the end, we leave the characters confident that
things usually work out for the best...just not the way one might expect. What is so amusing about this book is its wonderful portrayal of
(lesbian) reality and the nutty things we do to deal with loss. First
published by Alyson in 1997, Chicken is a witty look at some of the
common complications of lesbian lives. (Chicken, Paula Martinac,
Bella Books, $11.95)
Sacred Classic: Stone ButchBlues
Stone Butch Blues is a WOW! book in the strictest sense; it's the kind
of book that changes lives and changes minds. In this thinly veiled
autobiographical novel, Jess Goldberg grows up differently gendered
in a harsh working class town, comes out as a butch lesbian in Buffalo, New York in the early, pre-feminist 60s and finds herself an outsider in the lesbfan community in the 70s. Stone Butch Blues isn't an
easy book, it's gritty and disturbing at times, Feinberg has spared no
details in describing the harassment and humilities endured by butch
lesbians only decades ago. Equally moving is her candor on the netherworld existence of being transgendered in the lesbian community.
Originally published by the now defunct Firebrand Books, I hope
some visionary publisher realizes that Stone Butch Blues is a necessary book that must not disappear. (Stone Butch Blues, Leslie
Feinberg, Firebrand Books, original price, $13.95.)
Ask for these books at your local feminist bookstore.
11
LAVENDERREFLECTIONSby Eleanor Ruth Wagner,
A book of affirmations for lesbians and gay men;
Meditations & quotations with photos & holiday entries; A great gift for yourself and for those you love.
Personally autographed by request;
TheFebruaryOrnament
There they are now, the little bedraggled lot of Christmas
tree ornaments I cannot make myself pack away. I have them
arranged in a tumultuous heap on the mantel. Some of them
it's time to toss out. One is particularly bleak - the snowman
- but there is something about a worn out Christmas tree ornament that gets to me. Opens me to a tender, melancholy,
sweet, holiday emotion.
•
There are other emotions - like the cheery, childish buzz
received from gazing at strands of colored lights, and dazzling,
twinkling Christmas trees. There 1s the more spiritual, holy feeling inspired by lighted candles, majestic foil cards. But right
now I'm just thinking about the tenderness I feel towards this
one little disaster of a snowman fastened to a cloudy green
glass ball, and encrusted with glue and faded glitter. Poor old
ornament depicting a tired winter scene.
This decoration doesn 1t tell a story of Christmas and the
first snows of winter, the glory of the seasons. No, this is the
February ornament, the 11when will it all be over? 11 scene - a
worn out, melting little snowman whose red yarn scarf bled
into the white of his cotton body from the. application of an
over abundance of Elmer s glue. Was the scarf attached with
great, childish enthusiasm or just sloppy disregard? No matter.
She's mine now. She's home. I picked her up last summer at a
garage sale in July. I could not leave her there with her 1110¢11
label, runny magic marker eyes and oozy pink scarf standing
next to a 11Charlie Brown 11 Christmas tree.
She sits on the mantel now in the display of refugees she and her buddies. That lot would be lost on the magnificent,
brilliant tree. She sits there, her and her label - 10¢ Today I
think we shall hold an award ceremony and present her with
the Lifetime Achievement Award, maybe a dozen roses. See if
we can 1t turn that dour expression into a cheery holiday smile.
I wish you could see her. She'd break your heart. A
1
11
11•
© LeslieMcCir/
12
$10.95 (post paid) from author.
5529 Vernon Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55436
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1. RAINBOWBOYS by Alex Sanchez
2. DAYS OF AWE by Achy Obejas
3. IN THE CITY OF SHY HUNTERSby Tom Spanbauer
4. BEHIND THE SCREEN:How Gays and Lesbians Shaped
Hollywoodby William J. Mann
5. PUCKERUP: A Hands-OnGuide to Ecstatic Sex
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Mail this form along with a check or money order
to MAKAW, PO Box 130, Tehachapi, CA 93561
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Address correction requested
HERLAND (PE02-12)
HERLAND
2312 NW 39TH
OKLAHOMA CITY OK 73112