HerlandVoice-1999-11-v17-no11_ocr.pdf
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November 1999
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
NATIVE AMERICAN TWO-SPIRITS
ORGANIZING SUPPORT GROUP
ByJoanna Gampbe/1-Fife
Advocate for Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Programs
(Ed. Note -- This article is the second in a series of three on the
issue ofdomestic violence and the battered women's shelters and
crisis services available in Oklahoma.)
Domestic violence or partner violence is considered cyclical.
In the home, there is a cycle of several stages. Following a
temporary period of stability, there is a build-up oftension, and an
explosion into violence. The violence is typically followed by a
period of remorse and forgiveness and then the 'honeymoon'
phase when life seems fairly normal. Then it all starts again. The
phases often become shorter with each succeeding cycle.
The violence may cycle down through the children and grandchildren, affecting more and more families with each succeeding
generation.
Domestic abuse is common to all races, all cultures, all backgrounds and all levels of education and income. It is common to
families who go to church and to those who don't. It occurs in the
heterosexual community, and in the gay/lesbian community.
Some abusers don't beat their spouses. There are many ways
to be cruel. Women have told ofbeing kept from sleeping for weeks
at a time, or of having their use of the toilet severely restricted, or
of not having access to enough money to buy groceries, even if
they helped earn the income. Some are expected to have sexual
relations with the abuser's buddies. Many are treated like servants
and berated crudely in front of their friends, families and children.
Some are "cut down" in quite sophisticated fashion. These
cruelties may be in addition to being beaten. (continued page 2)
November Events
November 13 - Her/and Supper Club meets at
Her/and at 5:30 pm to go out to dinner. Everyone
welcome.
November 13 -- Native American Two-Spirits
Support Group at Her/and 7:00p.m.
November 20 -- look for Her/and and other peace
andjustice organizations at the Peace Fest at the
Myriad, 10am - 4pm.
Are you of Native American or First Nations descent? Are
you lesbian, bisexual, or trans gendered? Are you a partner, friend,
or family of someone who is? Then this is of importance to you!
All around the country, and out, there are local support
groups for those who fall into the above categories. It's time for
those ofus in Oklahoma to organize a support group for ourselves.
We have been, for too long now, outside of this growing circle.
Let's get with the program! Let's get together Saturday evening
7 :00 p.m., November 13, 1999, at Herland! We'll talk then about
future meetings.
Why is this so important? Why am I so adamant about this you
ask? Because I care about our people, and otir issues. We have
gone from being honored ones in our tnbes to being outcasts due
to the influence of assimilation. I have seen and felt the effect of
this in the lives of myself and others. I have also seen and felt the
effect ofnot having the local support of one another.
I recently returned from the west coast where I attended an
annual national gathering ofNativeAmerican/ First Nations TwoSpirits for my first time. This was a life changing experience for me!
This four day annual event is totally awesome! It's educational,
spiritual, fun, and rejuvenating! There were sweats (all female, all
male, and mixed) and talking circles, films, dances, no talent talent
shows (complete with drag shows), a pow-wow, and a giveaway.
There were arts, crafts, and beading supplies available for all to use
(great for making giveaway gifts!). There were many elders, medicine men and women who were, as usual, full ofinsight, knowledge
and support.
And last, but not least, there was plenty ofsharing, jokes, and
fun! I urge you, if at all possible, to attend next years gathering,
which will be held next summer in Arizona (specific date and
location is not yet set). You will not be disappointed! There will be
scholarship applications available for those who cannot afford the
registration fee.
I personally would like to thank the members and board of
Herland Sisters Resources for there support and for donating the
use oftheir facility for this meeting! Please take advantage of this
opportunity to get together and support one another.
November 21 - - Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner at
Her/and 1:00pm - 3 pm. We'll supply the turkey. You
bring you own special holiday dish to share.
Volwne 17Nwnber 11
Herland Sister Resources
In the Spirit of the Circle,
Denise Smith
686-0820
0
2312N.W.39, OKC, OK73112
HALF MAD MOON
Reviewed by Jill Gamer
One CD I've been listening to a lot the past few months is The
Damnations Tx, HalfMad Moon.
Austin's Damnations TX could probably be considered alternative country, whatever that is, but whatever they are, I like them
a lot. I kind ofconsider them a pop/rock band with a lot ofa country
sound, hard living lyrics, a little wild west imagery, and just a damn
fun sound. Or maybe an acoustic group withan electric guitar, and
a bluegrass sound from time to time. One review I read ofthem said
"Sitting on the fence between country and rock, it's too folk for
both and too good to matter much." While they may be drowning
in a sea of like-sounding bands in Austin, I think this CD is a
wonderfully refreshing sound around here, especially if you compare it to any of the fluff on the radio, rock, pop or country. There
are probably a few somewhat similar sounding bands in this area,
but certainly none fronted by two women.
I read about The Damnations TX in No Depression magazine
several months ago and had no problem finding their CD because
it was being promoted at Hastings. I probably haven't taken it out
ofmy CD player for more than a few days at a time since then. I love
their sound, and the voices of sisters Amy Boone and Deborah
Kelly. Amy also plays bass and piano, Deborah contributes the
acoustic guitar accompaniment, Rob Bernard plays guitars, banjo,
mandolin and contributes back-up voc~ls, and finally, Keith
Langford plays drums and additional percussion. The liner notes
say the sisters wrote every song on the album except where noted,
but it's not noted anywhere that I can find which songs they didn't
write.
One of the sisters has a wonderful husky voice that's perfect
for the whiskey-laden laments and the other seems more appropriate for the rockin' songs on the CD. The liner notes don't provide
much information so I don' t know which sister is which, but they 're
both good singers and alternate taking the lead from song to song.
They both have slightly deep voices, but the husky sound is my
favorite.
The lyrics are well written, and catchy at times, and although
I couldn'ttellyou what many of the songs are about, that's one of
the things I find so intriguing about the CD. The title song is one
. such song, but with lyrics like ''Love is one of those unstable
·chemicals, ... .. .It'sagiftofcontradiction,ahellishkindofheaven,",
I'm listening! Another song that I don't yet understand, Kansas,
has a line that I love and can't stop trying to figure out what "What
we've all come to fear, is a pepper on fire like that old man" really
means.
I really like the guitar (and banjo and mandolin) playing by Rob
Bernard. It's never overpowering and adds a lot to their sound,
whether that's a twangy sound like the mandolin on Kansas or just
plainoldrock-n-rolllikethesongDowntheLine. l'mprobablythe
. biggest fan of his playing on "Commercial Zone Blues" where he
contributes to the bluesy sound of a song about living on an alley
watching all the action outside the window night and day. "And
the all-night revelry in the alley costs the price of a good night's
sleep, Cause I'm living, living, in a commercial zone home with the
blues." "Things I Once Adored" also has a fun rocking guitar
sound where Bernard really contributes a lot. He sings the lead
Page 2 Her/and Voice November, 1999
vocals on "Finger the Pie" but his voice is not memorable at all.
Fortunately that's the only song on the CD he sings. For any
Texans or guitar buffs out there, Bernard either does or used to play
with Austin' s Prescott Curlywolfand used to play with the Dallasbased Picket Line Coyotes.
One of my favorite songs on the CD is "Black Widow," a sad
lament about a stolen amplifier that gives a new twist to lost love.
"According to the investigator, I'm lucky it was just an amplifier,
Nothin' now is gonna sound the same, Oh the damn thing even had
aname, WecalledherBlackWidow,Eventhoughshe' sblue .... Oh
for the widow's sake, I sure could use a drink."
"Jack' s Waltz" is another of my favorite songs about a
drunkard departing words of wisdom. "Cause wars over shores,
and being dirt-stinkin' poor, can leave a man with a whole lot to
say, . .. He said I see life going down like whiskey, it burns and it
warms your heart just the same, it's sorrowful to find you can' t
separate, all the pleasure it brings from the pain." The banjo in the
song adds to the mournful bittersweet sound.
Ifyou like the alternative country sound, kind of rock and roll
meets traditional country, then I think you'll like this CD. I
recommend it highly and I hope they continue to make music and
attract a following outside of Austin, TX because they deserve it.
I'll do my part to spread the word. But you can' t borrow my CD.
I'm nowhere near tired of it!
o
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE {continued from page I}
Wbydoesn'tawomanleavetheabuse? Atfirst,shedoesn't
leave because she loves the abuser. She believes her love will make
things right. She believes things will change for the better. She
thinks she can control the hurtful words and the beatings by doing
everything the way it ' should' be done. She thinks it is her
responsibility to make the relationship work. She is embarrassed
for them both, and seldom seeks help. She doesn't want her partner
injail.
Later, she doesn't leave because she has been threatened with
loss of her children, with harm to her family, her friends, and her
pets. She thinks her abuser needs her. She is afraid to be alone.
She frequently has no connections, no funds, no friends, no job,
no self-esteem, no perceived alternatives. All she has is confusion,
stress and increasing fear.
In the end, she doesn't leave because she feels overriding fear,
she believes no one can love her, she feels hopeless and helpless.
She feels a total loss of control in her life. She believes she cannot
make it on her own. She is depressed and immobile. Decisions are
difficult or impossible. She has developed serious emotional and
physical problems. She may have become suicidal or homicidal.
For information on local servicesfor batteredwomenanywhere
in Oklahoma, call the the Safeline Hotline at 800-522-9054.
D
The Voice /s published by: Hertand Sister Resources, Inc. 2312 N. W 39th, Oklahoma City, OK
73112.
The Voice is offered as an open forum forcommunitydiscourse. Articles reflect the opinions ofthe
authorand not necessarily those ofHerland Sister Resources. Unsolicited articles and letters to
the editorare welcomed and must be signed by the writer with full name andaddress. Upon request,
letters or articles may be printed under a pseudonym or anonymously.
Subscriptions to The Voice are free upon request although a donation is requested ta meet
publication and distribution cos/s.
ST. SYBIL
Dear St. Sybil,
I'm a practicing lesbian - well, actually, I'm pretty good at it by
now, could almost go pro - but I didn't write you to brag - or make
lame jokes; but rather to alert my queer sisters and brothers to
something I just found out; to wit: Are you aware that gays,
lesbians and bisexuals in Oklahoma are at risk of spending twenty
years in jail just for doing what comes naturally to us? Twenty
years, under Oklahoma's 1998 Truth in Sentencing law.
Yes, Sybil, this is not some antiquated, abandoned, overlooked, passed-in-the-bad-old-days, prohibition of "that certain
crime against nature", as formulated at statehood. This was our
current Legislature's work in 1998, increasing the penalty for
consensual homosexual acts from ten to twenty years. Supposedly
it was an oversight, or a typo, orone ofthose computer glitches, but
that wouldn't matter much to a poor sweet lesbian languishing in
jail for nearly a quarter of a century.
So, Sybil, waddaya think? Can you suggest something we can
do to get this abhorrent statute off the books? Are my only choices
risking jail or going without?
Morosely,
Donna Juana Bee Aphellin
Dear Donna,
No, no one wants to go to jail, and "going without" isn'tmuch
of a choice, either. I personally have always been a fan of civil
disobedience, and my first thought is that if you got enough
lesbians and gays together - a couple of hundred couples should
do it - and had a well-staged "Kiss In" on the Courthouse steps,
you could maybe get arrested, confess to committing "that certain
felony" as often as possible, and see ifthe state is willing to put you
all in jail. Unfortunately, with all the private prisons springing up,
they just might be delighted to do so. More money for somebody.
You would then appeal and it would go to the Supreme Court- the
same Supreme Court who inPostv. the State ofOklahomarepealed
the sodomy law as it pertained to heterosexuals, but were silent as
to its application to homosexuals.
That would be the judicial route; the other would be legislative
repeal. Twenty-five states and the District of Columbia have
repealed these statutes, but that is not to say that it would be easy
in Oklahoma. There was actually an end run towards repeal when
the statutes were recodified in 1989. The sodomy laws were taken
out with other archaic laws against frightening horses and spitting
on the sidewalk, and it was hoped that no one would notice. Ha!
They noticed, and in order to getthe hugerecodification approved,
those laws were put back in.
It's not going to be an easy fight, but it is one you might want
to make. Every time the community tries to get a hate crimes act or
anti-discrimination law amended to include gays, or heaven
forfend legalize holy unions or pass domestic partner benefits
policies, you will run into the argument that gay and lesbian
behavior is criminal in the first place, so why should gays be
protected in anyway?. So the sooner you get those "crimes against
nature" laws off the books, the better.
Unless, ofcourse, you just wantto retire from life, tattoo "Not
tonight, dear, it's a felony" on your forehead, and go on - and go
without!
Love,
Sybil
It's basketball season again and there's lots of great women's
basketball in Oklahoma. Here are the home schedules for OKC area
university teams.
Oklahoma University
(All games at Lloyd Noble Center, Norman, OK
unless otherwi se noted .)
11/08/1999 Basketball Travelers 7:00 p.m.
11/13/1999 Exh ibition 3:00 p.m.
1112811999 Oral Roberts (Bertha Teague
Classic) 8:00 p.m.
11129/1999 Tulsa (Bertha Teague Classic)
8:00 p.m.
12/0211999 Sam Houston State 7:00 p.m.
12111/1999 Arkansas-Little Rock 3:00 p.m.
12121/1999 San Diego 7:00 p.m.
12129/1999 Connecticut 7:00 p.m .
01105/2000 North Texas 7:00 p.m.
01/08/2000 Texas Tech 7:00 p.m.
01/1212000 Texas A&M 7:30 p.m.
01/2212000 Colorado 7:00 p.m.
0210212000 Baylor 7:00 p.m.
0210512000 Nebraska 3:00 p.m.
0211612000 Texas 7:00 p.m.
0212612000 Kansas 3:00 p.m.
03/01/2000 Oklahoma State 7:00 p.m.
Oklahoma City University Stars
(All games at Oklahoma City University)
11/06/g9 Friends, KS 1:00 p.m.
11/13/99 Tabor, KS 7:00 p.m.
1212199 - 1214/99 Capitol City Shootout
12109/99 Patton College 7: 00 p.m.
12117/99 Fresno Pacific College7:00 p.m.
01/08/00 ST. Gregory's College6:00 p.m.
01/15/00 Oklahoma Christian Univ. 6:00 p.m.
01127100 John Brown Univ. 6:00 p.m.
02112100 Southern Nazarene 6:00 p.m.
02117199 Lubbock Christian 6:00 p.m.
02/19/00 Wayland Baptist 1:00 p.m.
02126100 Oklahoma Baptist 6:00 p.m.
University of Central Oklahoma
(All games at UCO, Edmond, OK)
12102/99 Abilene Christian 6 p.m.
12104/99 Angelo State 4 p.m.
01/08/00 Northeastern State 4 p.m.
01/20/00 East Central 6 p.m.
01/22100 Southeastern Oklahoma 4 p.m.
02101/00 Midwestern State 7 p.m.
02110100 Harding 6 p. m.
02112100 Ouachita Baptist 4 p.m.
02117/00 Southwestern Oklahoma 6 p.m.
02119/00 Cameron 6 p.m.
Oklahoma ChrlsUan University
11 /05/99 Friends University Homecoming 8:00 pm
11/08199 Evangel College 7:00 pm
11 /12199 Tabor 6:00 pm
11/26/99 SNU Thanksgiving Classic-Langston 2:00 pm Bethany
11/27/99 SNU Thanksgiving Classic-William Wood 2:00 pm Bethany
12110/99 Patten College 7:00 pm
01/08/99 Southern Nazarene University 6:00 pm
01/13/00 St Gregory's University 6:00 pm
01/22100 John Brown University 6:00 pm
01127100 Lubbock Christian University 6:00 pm
01129/00 Wayland Baptist University 1:00 pm
02110100 Oklahoma City University 6:00 pm
02117100 Oklahoma Baptist University 6:00 pm
Southern Nazarene University Crimson Storm
(All games at SNU, Bethany, OK unless otherwise noted)
11/04/99 7:00 p.m. Oklahoma Flyers
11/12199 5:00 p.m. SNU Alumni
11/13199 1:00 p.m. Evangel University
11/22/99 5:30 p.m. St. Edward's University
11/26/99 4:00 p.m. (Columbia Health Thanksgiving Classic) .
11/27/99 4:00 p.m. (Columbia Health Thanksgiving Classic) .
12/09/99 7:00 p.m. Trevecca Nazarene University
11/20/99 6:00 p.m. Fresno Pacific
12129/99 3:00 p.m. Oklahoma Baptist University
01/13/00 6:00 p.m. Oklahoma City University
01/22100 6:00 p.m. Oklahoma Baptist University
01/27/99 6:00 p.m. Wayland Baptist
01/29/00 1:OO p.m. Lubbock Christian University
02105100 6:00 p.m. Oklahoma Christian University
02110100 6:00 p.m. St Gregory's University
02117/00 6:00 p.m . John Brown University
Her/and Voice November, 1999 Page 3
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Page 4 Her/and Voice November, 1999
321-2148
Individual - Couples
Family Therapy, Retreats
P.O. Box 5119
Norman, Okla. 73070
THE LAW OFFICE OF SANDY INGRAHAM
@ TURTLE CREEK
NANCY NESSER, J.0.
ASSOCIATE
RouTE 2. Box 369-B
TELEPHONE (405) 964-2072
McLOUD, OKLAHOMA 74851
FAX (405) 964-2058
email - "lnesse<@aol.com