Nolose News_no10.2000.Fall.pdf
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- Nolose News_no10.2000.Fall.pdf
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Property of the Center
Call For Submissions
R<91C<9~l:
presents:
'The p{ace to
sfioppe on-fine
for fat and
{esbian friend{y
book§, art, crafts
and otfier neat
stuff.
The National Organization of Lesbians of Size
(NOLOSE) is planning on publishing an
anthology of short stories, poetry, erotica and
essays about life as a fat lesbian. The stories
and/ or essays can embrace any aspect of life as
a fat lesbian from growing up fat to dealing
with decreased mobility with age. They can
tell stories of life's triumphs or defeats; of
overcoming obstacles in a fat phobic world, or
of glorying in our lovely, sexy selves .
We plan to have the anthology published in
time for our next conference, NOLOSE 2001
which will take place next summer, and to
promote the book at the conference. This
means that we must receive submissions no
later then JaD11111J' 80, :IOOl.
Manuscripts should be submitted either via email or on disk. Please save the manuscript in
tat onlJ' format. Printed manuscripts will also
be accepted and should be in standard double
spaced format.
b.lb.lb.l.jfat~ma?on.com
A portion of the proceeds from the sale of the
NOLOSE anthology will go to the NOLOSE
financial aid fund.
Diana Lee
Editor
11 Penn Plaza, 5th Floor
New York, NY 10001
Artamas@rcn.com
(718) 622-7631
NOLOSE NEWS
www.NOLOSE.org
NOLOSE, 11 Penn Plaza, 5th Fl.
New York, NY 10001
(718) 622-7631
NoLoseLass@excite.com
Publisher: Dot Nelson-Turnier
Managing Editor: Diana Lee
Associate Editor: Miriam Berg
Art Director: Diana Lee
Contributors this issue:
Miriam Berg, Michelle Hunt,
Jennifer Polhemus, Alicia Ramosa
Dianne Rubinstein
NOLOSE NEWS is the quarterly publication of
the National Organization for Lesbians Of SizE.
The contents of this publication, both written and
pictorial are the property of the authors/artists
and cannot be reproduced in any form without
the express permission of the editor.
If you are interested in advertising in NOLOSE
NEWS, Please contact Diana Lee at (718) 622-7631.
National
Organization
for
Lesbians of Size
Dot Nelson-Turnier: NOLOSE Woman
for the New Millennium
6y <Diana Lee
Dot Nelson-Turnier started NOLOSE in reaction to
an issue of Lesbian Connection which had a
beautiful picture of a naked fat women on the
cover. In the following issue, many
women had written in with fatphobic comments about the women,
and I think all of us were more then
a little upset by this rejection by
our own community.
Dot had been thinking of starting a
national organization for fat
lesbians for about two years, but it
was those letters in Lesbian
Connection that gave Dot the
impetus to start NOLOSE. She
began with the acronym: what name
could she use to send her own letter to Lesbian
Connection? Dot decided to use the term
"lesbians of size" to reach out to as many women
as possible since "fat" still had such negative
associations.
The idea behind NOLOSE was to form a hub with
spokes leading out to individuals as well as to
regional fat lesbian support groups across the
country. Dot felt that, while women in many
urban areas had access to fat-positive support
groups, women in more isolated regions did not.
Thus the point of contact had to be the Internet,
which allows everyone with access to a computer
to become part of a national, even global
community.
The original mailing list for NOLOSE had 200
names on it; this year, we have grown to over
600. And it is a tribute to Dot's success with
NOLOSE that we had a conference attendee this
year coming all the way from Australia.
A Support, Social and
Networking Group for
women who identify
as Lesbians and who
are fat or fat positive
This last year, because of a flood and matrimony,
Dot had to hand over some of her duties as the
director of NOLOSE. So while Dot was distracted,
the core of this committee -- Dianne Rubinstein,
Shira Stone and Diana Lee--formed a conspiracy.
We "nominated" Dot for an award (which we made
up), and we asked other women involved in
NOLOSE and the fat dyke
community to "vote" with their
pocketbooks-- in other words, to
contribute to the cost of the
production of the award. We had
no trouble at all getting our
nomination ratified.
We wanted to honor Dot for her
hard work and her commitment
both to NOLOSE and to the fat
dyke community in general. I don't
think I realized how hard Dot has
worked for NOLOSE until I took
over some of her duties. Being contact person for
the conference and getting out the newsletter was
almost a full time job, and that was only part of
the work Dot did last year. Dot may not be
indispensable, but it took six women to do the job
she did by herself last year, and we still needed
her help. But the NOLOSE conference is only part
of the work Dot does for the community. There
are the NOLOSE web sites that she started and
maintains. There is the constant stream of
women writing and calling looking for a
community in which they can find love and
support. There is the work that Dot has done as a
board member of The Astraea Foundation, and her
commitment to bringing visibility to fat dykes in
the larger lesbian community. And there are the
individuals whose lives Dot has enhanced so
much.
Dot lives her life as an example of the best that
we can achieve. She is generous both with her
2
time and her financial
support. She is who she
is openly, showing all who
she comes into contact
with what it means to be
fat and a dyke, and that
these are wonderful
things to be.
The committee probably
usurped Dot's authority in
our little plot, but we
wanted her to know how
very much we appreciate
all of her hard work, her
innovative ideas, and her wonderful heart. So we
took the name of Dot's brainchild and named her
NOWSE Woman for the New Millennium.
The First Annual
Fat Dyke Contingent
at Dyke March 2000
Pa~t Lifo
Rf!ading~
R
Discover, Ml C
G
VISA Accepted
6y :Micfie[e J[unt d, <Bertfia
:MarR.9wicz
Girls! Girls ! Girls!
tp~ --.
I
Thousands of dykes
showed up on Saturday, June 24th, 200 to
participate in the annual Dyke March in New York
City, which parades the day before the Gay Pride
Parade. This year, a group of us from FLAB (Fat is
a Lesbian Issue/Fat Lesbian Action Brigade)
decided it would be great to make our fat selves
visible. Fliers were mailed, a banner was made,
and we headed off to the Public Library on 42nd
Street & Fifth Avenue from where the Dyke March
begins it's journey down Fifth Avenue to
Washington Square Park.
We started with a small group at first and handed
out stickers and the FLAB Manifesto. Some
women were surprised but most were very excited.
More women joined us as we marched down Fifth
Avenue with our banner--Fat Dykes Rule--held up
proudly! Everyone wore stickers, which included
such messages as: Pat <DyR,fs: <Bet you can't eat just one!
and Pat qir{s Love to PucR_,
At the end of the march, in Washington Square
Park, we had a table for literature and stickers,
and a place for us to congregate. Our Fat Dyke
contingent at the Dyke March was a great
success! Join us next year to celebrate Fat Dyke
visibility.
f:ltnm ThaNlpy
A~ynthuf1 of P1yehothaN1py
and Phylfcal f:ltnm Ttafnfng
Are you ready to drastically
H'rlt!U'."ri.ve your quality of life?
Make peace with your body?
Fitness is not a number on a scale, but is
measurable by improvements in physical and
emotional health through a balanced lifestyle.
By addressing personal issues relating to food
and an exercise program, you can achieve
goals from ANY starting point.
For information contact:
JudE! MilnE!t MA, ~W, CPT
call 917-225-2751, ot E!mail
JudE! @ nyc.tt.com
3
Awakening
A word
about the
first
NOLOSE
couple
6y Jennifer Po{liemus
What can I tell you about our love that sets it
above all others on a pedestal of romance and
wonder? Nothing. But I can tell you that it binds
us together with all of your souls who seek
unconditional acceptance and acknowledgment of
the beautiful creatures that we are. It was not by
chance that a strong, vibrant woman sought to
gather fat lesbians together in a place of safety
and pride, or that others joined willingly to guide
it into reality. It was not an accident that Chris
and I struggled in our own separate, solitary
worlds to muster the courage and resources to be
a part of that herstoric event in early July 1999.
And it was not luck playing her hand, moving us
to reach out and connect with a ride or roommate
or whisper of camaraderie a soothing sister trying
to heal from a society that starves us of
everything. No, there was energy and light and
faith and blessing.
Why did Chris call my name? Why did I answer
again and again? How did we cross over from "Are
you safe?" to "My soul is bound to yours?" I donit
know. But I do have an aching suspicion that my
fat lesbian sisters fostered a rich soil of thought
growing with poppies of possibilities that allowed
us to thrive those first few months. And now, as
we approach the date of our wedding (Saturday,
October 21, 2000), I marvel at the miracle that
has sprung from the NOLOSE conference last year.
We are grateful to be the first couple of NOLOSE.
Editor's note: Jennifer &
Chris met last summer just
prior to the NOLOSE
conference. They were
"introduced" when they
were matched cis
roommates for the
conference. By the end of
the conference, they were
a "couple". We extend our
best wishes for their
upcoming wedding.
<By Jennifer<Po{hemus
The press of our bodies
brings me back
into the land of the living.
I feel your belly
swell against the
numbness between my
legs and I think
that God just might
love me.
How many burns
and cuts
brought this pain
from inside to out?
You trace the scars
with the silk of your
tongue or the delicate
prickling
of slender fingers.
Take me away
leave me alone
save me
support me
let me suckle at your breast
and fall in silence
by your ear. Help
me unravel this twisted
mystery that throbs
inside my chest. Let me stand,
arms outstretched,
on the palette of autumn
and say "I am
God's child".
1U:3£~f~al:-9
Offering a compassionate ear
with many practical techniques
to assist your growth
Energy healing (Reiki, etc.)
also available.
Call for an appointment
or for telephone session
610-434-5566
Visa, Master Card and Amex
4
The Many Talents of NOLOSE
6y }1.Iicia <Rg,:Mosa
The NOWSE conference, in it's 2nd year,
was a great success. 85 wimmin
attended. I felt that there was a great
mix of events - lots of workshops, good
food, a place to swim, fat-positive
items for sale, a dance, time for fun,
and quality performances.
This article highlights the 1st
NOWSE Talent Show. The idea was
Joyce Wermont's. She made an
announcement on Saturday that
those who wanted to perform should
sign up with her. The show was
scheduled and listed in the program
for Sunday after the closing luncheon,
which ended with the singing of fatpositive songs such as "Put that Diet
Cola Down," "We Have Beautiful Bodies,"
"It Ain't Over Till the Fat Lady sings,"
and "I Love My Body."
Our gracious and graceful emcee was
Janet Myers, who wrote 'It Aint Over
Till the Fat Lady Sings.' The show
began with Andrea Stockle singing
"Amazing Grace." Then Linda
Hansen sang Sheryl Crow's "My
Favorite Mistake", and then she
performed two original songs, "Clear
Blue" and "If Only for Tonight."
Linda was then joined by Anique
Lamerduc, a vocalist from Australia
for "Proud Mary." Catherine Babcock
read from a novel-in-progress,
dealing with very personal issues.
She held our full attention.
For something quite different and
delightful, Jan Zimmerman read a
Shakespeare sonnet to Debra
Johnson, who did an interpretive
dance. Jan tells me that she chose
this particular sonnet, which begins
with the line, "My mistress eyes are
nothing like the sun" because "it's
about loving people for who they
really are, and appreciating all
kinds of beauty, rather than thinking
people have to conform to 'standards' to
beautiful." The audience enjoyed this piece. They
finished with the song "Twisted" (My analyst told
me ... ), which was popularized by Joni Mitchell.
Debra danced to this tune as well.
I wanted to offer a flute meditation to the group,
and this meant changing the mood. I asked for
the lights to be dimmed, and for everyone to get
comfortable and quiet. I began by suggesting that
we take a moment for ourselves to really relax
and absorb the wonderful energies from
the weekend. We did some slowed
breathing together, progressive body
relaxation and connected our bodies to
Mother Earth (the original symbol for
roundness and beauty, and much more!).
I then suggested that one way to take
what you want from the weekend with you
is to gather those memories and feelings,
and place them in your heart. Think of a
word to recall this state of mind after
we've gone. Then, put your hands over
your heart to seal it in and hold them
there a while. I then began improvising
a flute meditation.
Anique was next, and just before she
went up, I mentioned that I also play
Jazz We selected a few tunes, and while
she started getting her audio equipment
ready, Dian Nelson-Turnier sang a comic
song about soda crackers. Anique had a
back-up CD of her band for
accompaniment, and sang incredibly
well. She has a number of CDs out, and
is well-known in Australia. She sang
several songs she had written from her
prize winning CD "Lover Mine" which
won the Australian equivalent of a
Grammy, and was called back for several
encores. Anique invited me to join her,
and we played as though we had been
performing together for years. What a
thrill for both of us!
I hope that the organizing committee will
continue to schedule talent shows at
future conferences for all to see and
enjoy.
NOLOSE 2000: The
Conference 6y <Diana Lee
My first fat women's conference was
four years ago, and it was the turning
point in my life. Suddenly, I wasn't fat
and ugly and unwanted. I was part of a
community of big, beautiful women. It
started me on a path, an evolution into someone I
can be proud to be. And I am very thankful to the
women who worked so hard to make that
conference happen.
5
This year, I had the privilege to be one of the
planners; one of the women who made it happen.
But this story isn't about self-congratulation. It's
about all of the incredible women who made up
the fantastic synergy that was NOLOSE 2000.
could see the change in one friend as she left a
workshop on Big, Big Sex (facilitated by Hanne
Blank, who wrote the book) and had an epiphany
about her own sexuality. It was as if a light began
to shine in her.
There are so many special things to relate: the
drumming that shook the entire hotel with its
power as we celebrated being the strong,
wonderful women that we are; the performances
by performance artist C. C. Carter and singer
Nedra Johnson; the buzz of excitement as we
greeted old friends and made new ones. There
was no awkwardness in our coming together; just
an instant feeling of community. Even the
women for whom it was a first fat women's
conference felt quickly at home.
There was a panel discussion about how
oppression comes to us in all of our range of
sizes. Some super-sized women feel that their
thinner "midsized" sisters cannot feel the same
pain, the same discrimination that they do. The
thinner women do not know how hard it is to
exist in a world were seats are too small, and
where we cannot go into a single store and buy
clothing off the rack. And then there is the pain
of the midsized women, who ARE discriminated
against and taunted in the "thin" world, and who
then are rejected by the fat community for not
really being fat. There was anger and pain
expressed, but there was healing too because we
could hear each other, acknowledge each other.
And maybe, maybe if we do this often enough, we
can turn the anger into something constructive
and not fight amongst ourselves, but address
those who are the real problem: those who feel
the world should be filled with a one-size-fits-all
population.
The second day started with water aerobics in the
pool -- at the ungodly hour of 7 AM, so I did not
attend myself. But the women who did loved it so
much, we scheduled a second workshop for the
following morning. Breakfast started with a buzz
of excitement, but excitement is what can best
describe the entire conference.
The keynote address was by C. C. Carter. C. C. is
a poet, performance artist and teacher, and her
address embraced all aspects of her talent. I don't
think there was a single women in the audience
who she did not speak to. She spoke about her
own culture and how phat is a positive thing. She
spoke of finding her own power as a strong sexy
phat woman. And of how she tries to serve as a
role model to the vulnerable young women who
are among her students: the women who do not
fit the media image of what a woman should be.
C. C. shared the principles which she tries to
teach her students, and it was her second
principle--speaking with good purpose-- that set
the tone for the conference. Speaking with good
purpose involves acknowledging the positive in
those you encounter and sharing it with them:
telling them how good they look in that dress, or
how moving a point they made. Speaking with
good purpose not only makes the hearer feel
good, but the speaker as well as she acknowledges
what is positive in both herself and in others. So
all through the conference, we spoke with good
purpose--a very easy thing to do with some many
incredible women.
I can't relate all of the wonderful moments. There
were workshops that made us laugh and made us
cry. There were workshops that opened the path
to healing of the wounds we have received as
women, as lesbians, and as fat all of our lives. I
What can I say about the dance? First, I don't
dance. As much as I've grown, I can't move my
body to that rhythm. But I can watch. I can
admire. I can revel in the freedom of movement
and in the beauty of the bodies as they sway and
jiggle and weave with the music. I don't know if
you have ever seen a super-sized women dance.
Her body moves in such complex motions--not
just her arms and legs and head moving to the
beat, but her belly and breasts, her thighs .... they
all move in counterpoint. It makes the dancing of
skinny women look angular in contrast. I admit
to an open envy of that ability in my fat sisters,
and I hope that someday I will be able to emulate
them.
More flashes of memory: pool parties ... fat women
in swimsuits, laughing and playing, lounging by
the pool, or playing volley ball. Having a great
time, and enjoying the eye candy. Reveling in our
bodies. The sweet, young couple who met at last
years conference announcing their
engagement ... Quiet conversations over dinner.. .
discovering connections ... making new friends ... .
Zooming down the hallways in scooters .. .look out
world, we are coming, and we are big and bad and
we have attitude. And saying good-bye: tears and
laughter and lots and lots of hugs. Until next
year...
t7t7t7t7t7
t7t7t7t7t7t7
By Miriam Berg
miriam@cswd.org
Coming out (again) at NOLOSE
As we all know, coming out is not a single event,
but rather an ongoing process. If you don't tell
the people you encounter that you're a lesbian,
they assume you're straight.
The 2000 NOWSE conference took place in my
home community. I was already out to my
parents, of course, but I knew they had
not told all of their friends that the woman I lived
with was my life partner. Since I was married to a
man for many years, and still use my married
name, I also knew that there were people
who knew me professionally or casually who
assumed I was still married to my ex-husband.
So when the reporter from the Kingston Sunday
Freeman asked me if I would be in the photograph
for the article on NOLOSE, I knew this would be
another opportunity for me to come out, and
I said yes. It was very empowering, especially
when local people told me they saw my picture on
the front page. Someone jokingly called me a
"star".
Shortly thereafter, a letter appeared in the same
paper objecting to the very idea of a fat lesbian
conference, saying: "Twining lesbianism and
obesity is absurd; they are two distinct issues and
whoever planned the "Nolose" organization has
misconceived the relevance of the one to the
other."
The letter angered me and gave me an
opportunity to come out again, both as a lesbian
and as a fat activist. My response was published a
few days later: "Since I am both fat and a lesbian,
and since I attended and thoroughly enjoyed the
NOLOSE conference, let me tell you that the two
issues are very much related."
"Both groups--lesbians and people who are larger
than the average--suffer discrimination in hiring
and job promotion. Both groups are harassed on
the street. Both groups continue to be the objects
of derision and ridicule on mainstream television
programs from Saturday Night Live to David
Letterman'smonologue. Those of us who are both
fat and lesbian are doubly oppressed by today's
fat-hating and homophobic culture."
"The point of the NOWSE conference was that
the first step towards political action is selfempowerment. When fat women stop apologizing
for their size, and when lesbians expect no less
than respectful treatment, both groups start to
flourish. From that point, we can begin to change
how society regards us, andultimately to change
how we are treated within our communities,
at our workplaces, and under the law."
I felt great about the letter. Up to this point, my
local activism has mostly been in defending legal
abortion, and my fat activism has mostly been on
a national level. I strongly support the GLBT
liberation movement, but from the sidelines. Now
I had taken a stand for lesbian rights, and had
moved my fat activism into the local arena.
But the headiness of going public was soon lost
when I was forced to face the personal reality of
bigotry. A good friend of my mother literally could
not believe what I wrote. She told her own
family that there must be another person with the
same name. The Miriam Berg she knew could not
possibly have written that. When my mother
informed her that it was indeed me, my mother's
friend was heartbroken. My mother was very
upset for her friend, and asked me "Did you have
to say it in the Kingston Freeman?"
I was hurt that my mother didn't defend me and
my lifestyle, but I realized that I had not given
her the political education she would have needed
to do so. I calmly explained to her that yes, I had
to say it, and I had to say it publicly. Her friend's
reaction, I told her, was a perfect illustration of
the reason for coming out. The idea is not to
shock people like her friend, but to let them know
that--despite what they believe--they already
know someone who is a lesbian. Since her friend
knows me and knows that I am a responsible,
compassionate, and ethical person, she will have
to rethink whatever negative stereotypes she has
been holding onto regarding lesbians.
So far, unfortunately, this has not happened. My
mother's friend came to her and said "I don't care
what they say. I don't think Miriam is a lesbian."
She is facing two realities that she cannot
reconcile. The easiest thing will undoubtedly be
for her to slip back into denial. I'm not certain
that she can ever let go of her prejudiced ideas.
7
I have to decide whether to keep confronting her
with a truth that makes her very uncomfortable,
or to give up on changing her mindset, and put
my energy into educating those who start
out with some degree of tolerance and openmindedness. The latter is easier, but has more
chance of succeeding. The former is more
difficult, and may not have any chance of
success.
I am learning a lot from this experience. Coming
out is a journey. And this particular leg of my
journey is far from over.
Our Vendors and Sponsors
of the NOLOSE Conference
Amplestuff
PO Box 116
Bearsville, NY
12409
(914) 679-3316
Myles Ahead
6652 NW 57 St.
Tamerac, FL 33319
(954) 393-9873
Good Vibrations
938 Howard Street
#101
San Francisco, CA
94110
1-800-BUY-VIBE
Toys in Babeland
94 Rivington St.
New York, NY
www.?.com
Gadgets
?
Susan Fatdove
Carvings &
Sculpture
RR 2 Box 65A
Kunkletown, PA
18058
(610) 381-2301
Grand Opening!
318 Harvard St.
Windflower
Psychic Channeling Suite 32 Arcade
Building
(518) 885-3014
Brookline, MA
02446
Big Daddy Boxers
www.grandopening.
www.bigdaddy
com
boxers.net
Dian Nelson
&Dot
Turnier Wed
June 10,
2000
6y
<Dianne <J{u6enstein
I was quite pleased when I was asked to write
about Dian and Dot's wedding, because I am so
fond of both of them. There wedding was
nonpareil: from the moment Dian's father walked
her down the aisle answering the question "Who
gives this
woman ... " by
saying "she gives
herself," through
Dot's love song to
Dian sung by
Shira Stone, an
the duel
ceremonies
(performed by the
minister of the
UniversalistUnitarian Church and by Miriam Berg), and of
course their moving vows, we were all moved by
the beauty of the ceremony and the obvious love
shared by the couple. Dian was beautiful in a
traditional wedding gown, while Dot and all of
their attendants wore dashing tuxedos.
The couple has
announced that
henceforth both
shall use the
surnamed
Nelson-Turnier.
On behalf of
myself and the
entire
membership of
NOLOSE, many
wishes to Dot and Dian Nelson-Turnier for
uncountable years of connubial bliss.
I am a 34 year old white, single lesbian,
incarcerated, and I sincerely want someone
to write. I am very lonely. I am not asking
for anything but friendship.
Leslie Seiferit #515783
1401 State School Road,
Gatesville, TX 76599
GWF, 48, quiet, inquiring mind, deep spirit.
I value integrity, and truth and want to
share/grow in a relationship that combines
independence and commitment.
Sheila: shadowlight52@hotmail.com
Fatdyke new to Northampton
I would like to meet some fatdykes in
Northampton. I know there is more here than
Smith. Email me or call.
(413)585-4805 or olhada@aol.com
Name: Elayne Age: 60
I am looking for pen pals, friends,
companionship, and "travel buddies". Traits:
Loving, caring, and sensitive to mine and
other's needs.
Elayne Brown, PO Box 204
Pennsauken, NJ 08110
46 year-old femme switch looking for kinky
friends and play partners in NYC area. I am
wheelchair bound, so traveling outside the
city is a problem. Hobbies include reading,
writing and making leather toys.
Diana: Artamas@rcn.com or send responses
care of NOLOSE.
If you would like to place a personal in the next
issue of NOLOSE NEWS, send your copy to:
NOWSE
11 Penn Plaza, 5th Floor
New York, NY 10001
Personals are FREE for NOLOSE members, and
$10 per issue for non-members. Ads should run
no more then 50 words, and we reserve the right
to edit for for the sake of brevity. If you wish
responses to be sent care of NOLOSE, included a
stamped, self-addressed manila envelope with
your ad. Be sure to include enough postage.
Checks should be made payable to NOWSE.
This is a partial listing of fat support
groups that are either lesbian o~ lesbian
friendly. This list includes names of
women who want to start groups in their
own area as well. You should contact
them if you are interested in helping to
start a group or join in a new group.
If you want help starting a support
group, please contact us and we will help
in any way that we can. If you have a
support group that is not listed here,
please notify us so that we can include
them in out next listing.
Philadelphia, PA &
ou
eorg1a
North Florida
South/Central New
Jersey
Melissa S.
Full Bloom Women
(850) 875-6187
CI o Louis Rubalow
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Part of NOLOSE News : no.10:(2000:Fall)