LesbianPrideNewsletter_v8.no9.2003.09.pdf

Title: LesbianPrideNewsletter_v8.no9.2003.09.pdf
extracted text: Marriageis a CivilRight

M~
VOLUMNVlll, ISSUE9, September2003

@ 2003 MAKAW

Equalityfor TransgenderedCitizens!
California Governor Gray Davis may be under fire for many
things lately,but last month he presentedthe gift of freedomto thousands of his fellow Californians.In signing AB196, which clarifies
the state's Fair Employmentand Housing Act by including genderidentityand expression,GovernorDavisbrings Californiainto a leadership position of a growing human rights struggle. Californianow
becomesthe most populousjurisdictionto enact equalrightsfor transgenderedcitizens.
The National Transgender Advocacy Coalition (NTAC), who
endorsed the bill in this session and in its previous attempts, was
"overjoyed"with Gov. Davis' signature.The bill was introducedby
AssemblymemberMade Leno (D-San Francisco), sponsored by
EqualityCalifornia(EqCA),and formallysupportedby more that 50
other local, stateand nationalgroups.
Many in the transgendercommunitywere pleasantlysurprisedwith
newsof the Gov. Davis' signature.Thiswas the thirdattemptforthislegislation,and the embattledgovernorhas recentlyhad plentyof partisansalvos to fendoff. Whilethe prospectsfor enactmentseemedlessoptimistic
giventhe politicalenvironment,the resultswerepositive.
"I can't even begin to explainthe joy and swprise I feel," said an
ebullientGwen Smith,founderof RememberingOur Dead, a website
devoted to transgenderedvictims of murder. "I'm amazed - and
pleased- that Gov.Davis choseto sign this bill, even in the midstof
mountingattacks from the religiousright and from the conservatives
behindthe recallattempt"
"Transgenderpeople seek nothing more than the opportunityto
supportourselvesand our familiesand to be treated with dignityand
respect,"
said Shannon
Minter,Legal Director for the Californiaconttnuedon page 15

2

1

In light of recent statementsby elected officials and religious
leaders, SoulforceInc. issues the followingpolicy statementon civil
marriage:
Since the day the Supreme Court released its decision on the
Lawrence v. Texas sodomy case that decriminalizedprivate sexual
activitybetweenconsentingadults,the debate has turnedto civil marriage.
Soulforce, Inc. strongly supports the civil rights of all people,
includingbut not limitedto the right to choosewhetheror not to voluntarilyenter into civil contractswith one another.
Civil marriageis a civil contractbetweentwo people, who promise to honor, respect,and care for one anotheruntil death. This contract affordsover 1000governmentbenefitsto those who enter into it.
Some people have the ability to choose this form of contract, others
do not, because the United States governmentsanctionsdiscrimination againstgay, lesbian,bisexual,and transgenderpeoplewhen issuing civil contractsthat we call "marriage."
Additionally,when this commitmentbetween two people takes
on religiousconnotations,we also call it "marriage,"
howeverit then
becomes a religious ritual. Soulforcealso supportsreligious liberty,
which guaranteespeople the right to choose their religion, and to
choose a religion that honors their choices and decisions. We do,
however,look forwardto the day when no one will choosea religion
that discriminatesagainst people based on their sexual orientationor
genderidentity.
Soulforcealso supportsthe separationof churchand state, a Constitutionalprinciplebased on the balance betweenthe Establishment
Clause and the Free ExerciseClause. Statementsby religiousleaders
or politiciansthat are intendedto entanglechurchand state,to blur the
distinctionbetween civil and religious marriage, and to deny equal
rightsto anyonepeoplebasedon the gender,sex, sexualorientationor
genderidentityare an insultand an injusticeto America.
We stronglyurge all electedofficialsand religiousleadersto uphold the Constitution,honor the SupremeCourt, supportFreedomof
Religion,by granting civil marriageto consentingadults regardlessof
sex, gender,genderidentityor sexualorientation,and to work to guarantee the idealsof Equality,Justiceand Freedomfor All.

Sou/forcea nationalinterfaithmovementcommittedto ending spiritual violenceperpetuatedby religiouspolicies and teachingsagainst
gay, lesbian, bisexual,transgenderpeople. We teach and apply the
nom,iolentprinciplesof MK. Gandhiand Martin LutherKing to the
liberationof genderand sexualminorities.
3

of th~

When it's okay to let someone go
Marilda Mel White/Susan A. Jackson
There is a scene in the movie LongtimeCompanion
which left
such an impression on me when I saw it some 20 years ago,
that I still cry when I picture it in my mind. One man is dying
of AIDS,and after a long and valiant struggle, his partner (his
longtime companion) tells him that it is all right for him to go.
Such love I could hardly imagine then - loving someone
enough to let them go in such a final way. At the time, all I
could think of was wanting to live, wanting to fight, not wanting to go...and not wanting anyone else to go either.
I'm older now, and hopefully a little wiser. Or at least I've
had more experience with the twists and turns life can offer,
and I have a greater understanding that nothing is really as cut
and dried as I once believed.
And I've learned that sometimes letting go is the exact right
thing to do, and even more, letting someone else know that it's
okay if they go is the greatest gift, even if it is the most difficult.
At the memorial service for my mother, who passed away
in June, I had a friend read a poem that meant a lot to Mom and
me, that speaks to this issue. The poem "May I Go?" was written by a woman named Susan A. Jackson; Pastor Jim Williams,
the hospice chaplain who visited my mother regularly, uses it
often in his work.
Pastor Jim gave a ropy of the poem to Mom a couple of
weeks before she died. Mom and I aied when we read it, but it
was not just because of the sadness of knowing time was short.
The poem also brought us a kind of peace.
I'd known Mom was ready to go - she'd told me so - and
I was trying to be ready to let her go. The poem helped both of
us by beautifully and succinctly summing up what we were
thinking and feeling, but were unable to express.
It helped to reassure us that, as Mom's favorite Bible verse
says, "for everything there is a season, a time for every purpose, under Heaven" (F.cclesiastes3:1). It reminded us that
while it is good to want to live, it is also all right to be ready to
go... and it is all right to let someone go.
Sometimes a stnnger's words, like those in this poem written from going through the same kind of experience we
6

were going through - can bring a kind of comfort that nothing
else can. I don't know if the poem was written by or for a person with AIDS, or for a husband or wife, or by a mother to her
child, or by any other human relation combination.
What I do know is that it was surly written by someone
who loved someone else; the feelings it evokes are universal, as
is love.
I want to share the poem with you now because even if it
doesn't mean much to you today, perhaps it will some time in
the future.
And when the situation comes up in your life, perhaps you
too will find comfort in this poem, and you will know you are
not alone.
May I Go?
May I go now? Do you thing the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first, I fought with all my might,
but something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving light.
I want to go, I really do - it's difficult to stay
but I will try as best I can to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me and share your loves and fears.
I know you're sad ... and afraid, because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that, and hope you'll alwaysknow
that my spirit will be close to you, wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me, you know I love you too.
That's why it's hard to say good-bye and end this life with you.
So hold me now, just one more time, and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me, you'll let me go today.

Thankyou,SusanA. Jackson,
from my motherandme. - Mel
7

Scruffy Little Dykes
Whenmyfiiendthehmkeepertoldmeshewasgoingto anart
galleryopeninga fewweeksago,I askedif I couldtag along.She
pausedfor a longmomentand a thousandreasonsforher hesitationraredthroughmy he.ad''It:'' I offered,in a verysmallvoice,
''yru don'tmindgoingwitha sautfy littledyke."
Immediately,
she said,"I've beenlivingwitha sautfy little
dykefor34 years."
We went on to planthe excursionA few minutes1aterit hit
me.I toldher,''I justrealizedwhatyoureallysaid,"andgotoffthe
phonequicklybecauseI thoughtI wasgoingto ay. I wasfeelinga
hugewaveof appreciation
forthegoodfemmeswhostay34years
withtheirsauffylittledykes(SID).
Andwhatis an SLD?It's a womanwho is mt tall,but mt
necessarilyshort,who's inclinedto livein bluejeans,but has a
goodpairfor~ up,or at leasta cleanpair.Somepeoplemight
looka littlepuzzledaboutwhymygoodpairdeservesthatdesaiption She'slikelyto dressverysimply,int-shirtswithsoortsleeves
andmaybelongsleevesif it's chillyIn my caseI liketo havea
fewdenimor canvasshirtsor worlcshirts,to protectme fromthe
sunandbecauseI thinka collarlooksspiffieron thoseoccasions
whenI needa littlespiffing
up.Likeartshows.
I knowmanylesbiansno longerbelievein femmeandbutch
becausetheythinkthis is roleplaying,but I haveneverplayeda
rolein my life;I simplyknowwhereI fall. Wasit ~mdhing in
mybabyfornmla?WasitbecauseI adoredmybigbrother?Is it in
my genes?Or maybeit was becausemy mothertaughtme that
comfortis oneofthegreatervirtues.She,of course,talkedthetalk
anddidrot walkthewalk,but herdaughtertookherat herword
andis a bra-pmbicwomanwhodresseslikea skateboarding
teenageboy. AKAan SID. Andproudofit.
YetI haveto wonder
why femmes
putupwithus. TheInnkeeperwiththe SID partnercruldhardlycomplainif shewanted
8

,.

to. Shetellsthe stmyof theguestwhoaskedif shealwaysworetshirts.Theinnkeepersaid,"No, in thewinterI wearsweatshirts."
Thedifferenceis that shewearsprettyyet interesting
sweatshirts
decorated
withabstractdesignsor otherarresting
graphicsandher
partnergeoerallygoesfor ~lids and handsomeillustrations
embel~shedwith~se paintor sawdustfromher manyhandy-dyke
proJec:ts.
Sometunes
theyshare.Theybothwearjeansmostof the
time.TheInnkeeperdisdainsthe timeit takesto "doallthatshit,"
likemakeupandfimcygirlclothes.Butdoesanyfemmeeverlook
like an SID? No way! She lookswell-puttogether,
How do
femmesdothat?
I
~ving recentlybeenthrownoverforthe dominant!l>Ciety,
ampamfullyawarethat~me womendo mt pit up withus.They
want to changeus or theygiveus a wideberth.Somelesbiansare
otherwise
finepartnerswhowereperhapsbrooghtup in a waythat
makeslivingwithan SID a trial.Somewomenarebi andslra.ddle
bothwoodswithamazingdexterityincludingthe onethatcomes
equippedwithSills. ThewomenI mostadmirearetheonesI call
thegoodfemmes,the womenwholoveus partlybecausewe are
a collarwithtendernessin
sautfy littledykes.Theywillstraighten
theireyes,walkdownthe streetalongsideus withan unconscious
protectivedefiance,and gladlyavoidplaceswherewe mightbe
madeuncomfortable.
Theyseemto think,the goodfemmes,thatwe are beautiful
despitea societythatfindsus repellent.Someofthemeajoynothing betterthan spendingtime with a gaggleof admiringSills.
Theyare a specialbreed,thesefemmes,createdto loveand be
lovedbythespecialbreedcalledsauffylittledykes.
Theconceptof the SID hasbecomea fiunilyjoke now,but
we'vetalkedseriruslyaboutit too.Thehmkeeperis carefulto use
thewordsself-proclaimed
beforesheusestheSID tenn. Thebest
newsis thatthisgoodfemmedoesn'tseeus as Sills at all.Rather
thandes::ribing
us as little,or sauffy, sheseesus as womenwho
~ for comfort,practic.ality
and tor oor situations,
whetherwe
dancingtilldawnor cookingbreakfast.
arepaintingmuses,
Whatshehasn'taclcnowledged
koowingis,of course,thatwe
dress
forher. ©
9

Family Pride Coalition Commends ABA
for Support of Gay Adoption Issues

BEWARE! Read the Small Print

The Family Pride Coalition commends the American
Bar Association (ABA)for its passage of a resolution in support of joint and second-parent adoptions. The voice vote
took place last month during the annual convention in San
Francisco.
The ABA was previously on the record in support of the
rights of single gay men and lesbians to adopt children. The
resolution passed this week indicates the ABA's support of
"the establishment of legal parent-child relationships
through joint adoptions, and second-parent adoptions by
unmarried persons who are functioning as a child's parents,
when such adoptions are in the best interests of the child."
The 410,000-member association is the nation's largest
legal group. Approval of this resolution means that the organization can now lobby state legislatures to ensure that
adoption laws permit both members of a same-sex couple to
establish a legal relationship to their children. The resolution also applies to unmarried heterosexual couples.
"The American Bar Association has again taken an important step toward justice for all American families," said
Aimee Gelnaw, executive director of the Family Pride Coalition. "Too many children have been left vulnerable because
their parents were denied the legal protections and responsibilities that come with adoption. The ABA, along with
other professional organizations, has supported the idea
that the best interests of children are served when they have
a legally protected relationship with both of their parents."
The ABA resolution follows similar resolutions from
three other respected professional organizations just last
year, including the American Academy of Pediatria,, the
American Academy of Family Physicians and the American
Psychoanalytic Association

This is to all of you that signed up for the "do not call" law.
This week I received a card in the mail that looked all right. It
said "vote for your favorite cola - Pepsi or Coke - and receive
a complementary 12 pack" It didn't look suspicious, but for
some reason I kept looking at it.
THEN I FOUND IT!! At the bottom of the card here is a
VERYsmall statement. It is SO small it is hard to read - but
here is what it says: By completingthisform, you agreethat sponsors and co-sponscrsof this offermay telephoneyou , even if your
numberisfound on a donot callregistryor list
This REALLYupset me and I just wanted all my friends to
be aware of this way to get around the "do not call" law!! Just
think how many people will send this in and their do not call
registry will be NO GOOD 11
The company's name is MARKETSOLUTION.Please send
this to all your .friends that signed up for " do not call." I think
this is just one of what we will get in the future - so READ
EVERYrHING before you SIGN and TELL YOUR FRIENDS
ABOUTITl!II •

TheFamilyPrideCoalitionis the only nationalnon-profitorganizationdedicatedto advandngthe wellbeingof lesbian,gay,bisexual and transgenderparentsand theirfamilies throughmutual
support,communitycollaboration
andpublicunderstanding.

10

receivedby e-mail

(

~

--- -

SOME.T,MES)

t FEEL
TWAT1

MA\li 'THf. )
WORSTJoS

JN 1HE
\IJORLDI
•

........_
__

r

1~

~

~
~rl (

YA,
..AIGHT/
-~~

'

11

0n ~Dcred groun
by and (C)Joy Park:s

It's purely academic
One commontrait I've noticedin peoplelike me who have spent
considerablymore years than was necessaryin the halls and lecture
rooms of academiais the sense that September,and not January,is
really the beginning of the new year. It's been nearly two decades
since I submittedmy last major class paper and yet every August, I
get charmedinto buying somethingin an earth-tonedtweed or succumb to the urge to stock up on pens and markersand pristine lined
spiral-boundnotebooks.So this year, to subvertmy desire for a year's
supple of mechanicalpens or even worse, a Charlie1s Angels lunch
kit, let's look at lesbianbooksfrom someof the universitypresses.
There's nothingnew about academicpressestaking an interestin
lesbianism.It's just that much of what they historicallyhave published amountsto piles of "objective"studiesthat would keep the average healthy,happydyke up nights. I supposewe shouldbe grateful
that some of the most respecteduniversitypressesnow ignorethe fact
that what many of their queer authors write is a far cry from what
once passed for academically-sanctioned
literature. Still, my distrust
of authoritymakesme worrythat once our writingbecomesanctioned
by the mainstream(in as much as academiais mainstream), it won1t
belong to us anymore.But thankfully,most of the books covered in
this columnhavethe kind of integritythat puts those fears to rest.
You should be forewarnedthat Minnie Bruce Pratt is one of a
handfulof my very favoritepoets. She has been since I first read her
tiny The Sound of One Fork in 1981 and her latest collection,The
Dirt She Ate, is a reminderas to why this continuesto be so. The Dirt
She Ate includespoems from her four previousvolumes,along with
several new, wonderfullyopen-structuredpieces that aptly demonstrate how her work continuesto grow finer, braver and more illuminating with every line she writes. Granted, I finallyacceptthat poetry
is an acquiredtaste and no longerthe drum beat of radicallesbianism
~ the way it once was. But sometimesyou need to read great poetry
Just to feel its beauty.This is the case with Pratt1s writings.Her poems
are highly biographicaland intimate; they are as complex and demandingas the life she speaksfrom. Her conversationalstory-like
style, her selectionof simple, daily events as subjectmatter and her
12

intense, musicalrhythmssurpriseand seduce,they build from simple
descriptionof fact into waves of powerfuland unexpectedemotional
revelationsthat will strain your heart and stretch your mind. If you
read only one book of poetrythis year, The Dirt She Ate shouldbe it
Toe press releasethat accompaniedLove in Good lime a memoir by Claire Robson, stressesthe uniquenessof this novel-iikereallife corningstory.But the truth is, there are elementsto it that are so
familiarand havebeen experiencedby manywomanof her generation
as they moved from traditionaldaughter-and wifehoodtowards the
lesbian community.And then somehowfound the courage and free~m to really live their lives as they chose. And that's the beauty of
this book. We know what she says is real and true. We read her and
we believe her. Set in England,there are terms that may momentarily
confuse Americanreaders,but for the most part, there1s a wonderful
familiarity to the story, as well as laugh-out-loudhumor and the
w~
and pain and frustration that comes with really having
choices. Readers will leave the book wishing they had a friend like
ClaireRobson.Thenrealizethat they probablyalreadydo.
Also out from the universitypresses, The Literature of Lesbianeditedby Terry Castle and publishedby the prestigiousColumbia Press, unfortunatelyhas more to do with the literatureof how others have perceivedlesbiansthan how they see themselves.To find out
how this much anticipated(and huge!) work of lesbian scholarship
stacks up against previouslypublished less "official"studies of lesbian writing,see the October2003 SacredGroundnext month.

"!"•

The Literature of Lesbianism, A Historical Anthology from Ariosto to Stonewall

edited by Terry Castle, ColumbiaUniversityPress,704 pages, hardcover,$45-.00
The Dirt She Ate by Minnie Bruce Pratt, University of Pittsburgh Press, $12.95Love in Good Time by Claire Robson, Michigan State UniversityPress, $24.95-

SacredClassic:
TheGroupby MaryMcCarthy
The GroupWc&l't piblislm by an academic~ but sincethisnovel
tellsthestmyof eightV3S&11'
graduate.~,
it seemedliketheperrectchoiceforthis
month'sSacredOassic.Thoogbtto be semi-autooiographical
(authorMary
McCarthy~ the wife of fumedAmerican1itecary
aitic EdnnmdWiliDn),
whichIIllY
nmchof thebookdealswithmenandmaniageandchildbearing,
not interestreadersaccustomto moreoonscious1y
lesbianbooks.Still.The
Groupintroduces
oneof the mostintriguing
(andcksrabJe)1esbiancharacters
to existbeforeStonewall
anddealswithwomen'seducation,
women'sfrieJXlshipsandthedamagingattitucrstowardssmart,independent
womenin AmericajustbeforeWWIIin a waythatrockedtheacademicworld Thebook~
mooe
intoa moviewithCandiceBeigenas thefemaleleadand whileit ixooobly won'tseem~ to lesbianreadersnow,McCarthy'su:Jem
andattitmesnr
wards1llain$ream
heterosexuality
weremeal andshocking
whenTheGroup
~ firstpiblislm in 1954.Thatalcnemakesit a milestone
ofAmericanlitera1
turethat one shouldnt ~ (The Group by Mary McCarthy- severalNewAmerican Librarypaperbackeditions,price varies)

13

ui11l■ii1l·OK
%31

aPJ>ho'sSolutions

uccessfulLiving
by and @ Stacy Chandler

Dear Savvy Sappho, I get very annoyed when told to wait
on the phone. How can I get more patience? - Twitchy

DearTwitchy,Geta speakerphone,andhavesmallprojectsstackednext to whereyou useit. A lot canbe done
whileyou're on hold - a friend of mine wrotea book
whileon hold.- SS
Dear Savvy Sappho, My lover of six years has just told me
she'd like to have a child. I love her but want to remain
childless.What can we do? - Worried

DearWorried,Bothof you shouldseea c.ounselor
and
discussthisat greatlength.Childrenarenot spur-of-themomentprojects- theylasta lifetime[- SS

©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©

t;~S~''«flJ,
J:;J.. ,t1,"Cr*

--tt

by and © Stacy Chandler

~

·~~~
~ Q-

VIRGO

based ~llll<llwil
M 001 111 530
j "By enacting
196 into law, l .al1forn1.1u, are sending a powerful message that no
person can be denied employment or housing based on gender-related
characteristics."
The amended California law describes discrimination based on
'sex'as including discrimination based on 'gender,' which includes a
person's "identity, appearance or behavior whether or not that identity,
appearance or behavior is diff'erent from that traditionally associated
with the person's sex at birth." Thus, the law protects effeminate men
and masculine-appearing women as well as the transgendered.
"The governor exhibited clarity under pressure," said Vanessa
Edwards Foster, chair of NTAC. "We only wish more of our political
leaders could show as much leadership. Gov. Davis demonstrated his
concern for all of California's citizens - not simply those who think,
look like, or contribute to the same causes as he does," Foster commented. "It's far too rare a trait in these politically polarized times."
NTAC applauds the fair-minded California legislators for joining
Minnesota, Rhode Island and New Mexico in protecting transgender
citi:zensfrom discrimination. NTAC believes that all nondiscrimination laws and bias crimes laws should include gender-identity and
expression. Discrimination has no place in our nation.
Gwen Smith summed it up simply. "It is a big win for Califomia1s
transgender community." ✓
Founded in 1999, lvlAC - the National Tran.sgenderAdvocacyCoalition ia a .501(c)(4) civil rights organizationworking to establish and maintain the
right of all trrmsgendered,interaexed,and gender-variantpeople to live and
work withoutfear cf'violenc, or discrimination.

tYeryot'\B' ~ ~ ~a,plea,

freat" you,

cat'\I

~

yow cat'\lcu;c,omp~

August 23 - September 22
Chaste and pure are rare for sure
Not only beauty has allure
You're never quiet nor demure
Don't seel amour when Insecure Caring friends shall reassure.*
*BEWARNED
- THEVIEWSEXPRESSED
ABOVE
DONOT
NECESSARILY
REFLECT
THEAURAOFTHECOSMOS!
14

ofgood,, ne.\U~
dc-Nt 7c+,owhow
how much-you, OON\I low,; what
~ what _yc,-ur ~ C¼I

1'1w.,,
good,,n.e-w~wt:Jw&tyow r~

---AN'\£1 Fl"CU'UCI

~··············································~,uu,M~
MelWhite/MAKAWPress, owner/publisher
2003All Rights Reserved
For permissionto reprint
or use any of the content,contact:
MelWhite, PO Box 130,
Tehachapi,California 93561
momingland@msn.com
www.morningland.net
@

................................................

:
15

r

Jl l

I 2

■ Ztlll-.O-lllff

HERLANO(PEO'l-12)
HERLANO
2312NW39TH
OKlAHOMA C4TYOK 73112

1

Part of LesbianPride Newsletter : v.8:no.9(2003:Sept.)